Ch 35 | The Three Words
"Lovely to sit here,
between comfort and chaos,"
Lizzy McAlpine
Sebastian's Perpective
"Oh, it's lovely seeing you two here!" Agnes Coffey's voice resonated over the small home later that day, "I was beginning to think my food wasn't so great." She worried.
I looked down at Y/n, who let out a soft, barely audible laugh in response to Agnes sentence and I grew a smile within the actions.
"What? Of course not," Y/n assured, "Your food is splendid, Agnes. Merry Christmas." She greeted.
"Ah, Merry Christmas, Emilia!"
There was a chuckle that wanted to escape me from the reminder of the false name given. Sometimes, I wanted to crack the truth and say the real name, but for safety reasons, it was the best I could've done.
As Agnes gave an unexpected hug to Y/n, I could see Y/n's glowy eyes stare at me with confusion and care as she was reminded of the name change.
I kept a smile, scanning around the full house and looking at the children and families squeeze themselves in. It seemed like the hamlet itself was all present. It was a tight setting, but it seemed nice to enjoy a holiday in such times.
Within my eye's reach, I could sense a pair of eyes on me from the far corner as I focused a little more toward the children's corner, I turned eye to eye with Colin Coffey.
There was a sinister, yet innocent stare that projected out of the child toward me. I felt startled for the moment, but kept myself together as I walked over to him.
As I did that, I tried to keep my thoughts in place, considering Colin knew Legilimens and the worst I could've done was invade him with inappropriate thoughts I could've exposed over Y/n.
"Colin,"
Colin stood sitting in the far corner of a window, separated from the kids as they all opened and played with their wooden presents.
"Sir Sallow," His blue eyes gazed up at me, but kept a muted smile, "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Colin." I said back, keeping my hands over my pockets as I tried to read him, "Is everything alright?"
I found myself sitting uncomfortably next to him on the edge of that window, my knees folding more as I tried to adjust to his sight and communicate.
Colin's blue eyes were fixated across and as I mirrored his stare, I took notice of Y/n, who was standing there with a forced smile greeting everyone with care.
I also became fixated at the view just like the kids beside me.
Although there was a lot of weight of worries upon Y/n Yl/n, she still maintained a smile on her tired face. I stared as her ruffled knitted dress Agnes sowed up waved over at each movement. Or how her aura just made a difference.
"She is tired." Colin let out softly.
I broke out of my daydreaming thoughts from Colin's exposure and turned at him again, "Hm? Are you mind-reading, again, Colin?"
Colin didn't turn to me, but he kept his hands rubbed together as he still watched Y/n, "I cannot control it. It's a natural thing, sir."
I opened my mouth slightly trying to understand him, but he continued.
"She is tired of being the hero all the time." Colin confessed out.
I blinked twice at the truth, and now crossed my arms, leaning more over the window and furrowed my brows, attempting not to be nosy over his confessions.
"I'm doing my best to help her." Was all I could produce.
"You gave her a cursed butterfly, Sir Sallow," Colin now turned at me, "How is that helping her?"
I began to feel speechless over the eight-year-old's words. How can someone with such an age, yet a gift say so much?
I cleared my throat, "Colin, I believe you are misunderstanding the adult meaning. The butterfly is not cursed."
The butterfly was cursed, but not in the way it was interpreted. Did I use dark magic for it? Yes. Did I do an entire risky ritual for it? Yes. Was it hurting her? No.
"Your thoughts are clear." Colin noticed.
Shit, of course, I was open-minded over him.
Again, I let out a clear of throat as I shuffled a bit upward, standing up from the window and keeping my arms crossed.
"Then you'll know it's no harm. Not in the way it's being shown, Colin." I reassured him, leaning more toward his face so others wouldn't suspect the deep conversation.
Colin fidgeted with his pale fingers, a green lollipop in between his hands as his feet kicked the wooden wall behind him.
"Y/n cares about you a lot."
My eyes viewed over at the girl across. The same wry smile and glowy skin illuminated the room as she talked softly over another female.
"It's not very gentlemanly of you to invade that way." I joked, elbowing him in the process.
"I'm not invading her head, Sir Sallow." Colin giggled to himself, "Everyone can just tell."
My smile wanted to fade from my face. Not in a negative way, but it was a more intimidating feel to hear the truth. I knew Y/n Y/l/n cared about me. There was so much patience within her that I couldn't give back. It was just the reality.
And I stared at her. I stared too much. As if I was making up all the staring I didn't give her the last year.
"I don't deserve her, do I?" I asked.
I already knew the answer, but it was more reassuring when an innocent child answered. It was a mythical thing to know that children never lied.
"No." Colin said bluntly.
I nodded, not even defending it.
"But I don't think anyone cares a lot about her like you do too." Colin revealed.
"I'm sure she has many that care about her, I mean, look at everyone here," I chuckled to myself at the understatement, looking at the packed home.
"You think about her a lot." Colin pointed out, "Good and bad."
I looked down at the statement. It was bizarre to think that such a young child could humble a man like me in a spare of a conversation. It wasn't embarrassing, but it was humbling.
There were moments where I did think negatively of Y/n Y/l/n. I was brainwashed for a while within Azkaban and the Ministry. Sometimes, the thoughts did want to haunt me, but I didn't let it get to me. My heart felt stronger than my mind. I knew that. I could fight it.
"Hey," Y/n's voice drummed over my ears a few minutes later.
I kept my hands dug into the pockets of my pants as I looked to the side of her and greeted back.
"Hey."
"Seems like you were having quite an interesting talk with Colin." Y/n said, giving off a laugh of positivity.
If only you knew.
I laughed along and nodded, also looking over at Colin Coffey, who still sat over the window and looked around the children.
"Uh, yeah, yeah," I filled, "Just the usual. A brilliant kid for his age, I can say that."
"I agree. He's gifted well." Y/n nodded back before her hand rose with a miniature box, "By the way, Agnes wanted you to have this. Since you missed out the last hour, you didn't appear for the gift giving she did."
My brows furrowed at the small box over Y/n's hands and tilted my head, "More gifts?"
Y/n shrugged, "I also got a box. I told her there was no need. I've already felt enough guilt for not giving anything, but I do owe her, a lot."
"That makes two of us," I sighed, taking the box and inspecting it, "Is it wrong to take a guess what it could possibly be, again?" I joked.
"Be thankful, Sallow. She's worked hard enough on those outfits." Y/n smiled.
It didn't feel like a proper holiday. It was Christmas and although Agnes Coffey held the entire hamlet over her back by having the heart to invite us, there were pieces missing and Y/n knew that too.
Dinner this evening went way differently than last night's. It was smoother and instead of awkward tension and random walk-outs, it turned out to be well. Full of laughs and jokes. Music and all.
But again, it wasn't the same.
When nightfall came, I stood in the mid-living room, watching as a musician from the hamlet worked his magic by playing instruments and sung old melodies for the holiday. A few people danced as I tried to squeeze in the corner.
As I looked around, I scanned over to look for someone in particular.
It was interesting how although the room was full of people all over the place, I could still take notice of her. The presence illuminated the room like no other and I couldn't help, but stare intently at the moment.
I could see her standing off toward the wall, away from the commotion of the room. She wasn't quite hiding, but I do have a memory of her confessing that she wasn't fond of closed-in spaces. The claustrophobia might've been rising for her.
Come on, look back over to me. I thought to myself, hoping to get her attention from feet away.
I didn't take my eyes off Y/n Y/l/n, for about, I'll predict, four slowest minutes before her glistening, uncomfortable eyes found mine.
I put the tin full of cranberry juice over the nearest table and motioned my head to the side, signaling her to leave the commotion.
By the time I squeezed my way toward her, Y/n stepped back, surprised to see me shift from one side of the room to another.
"Uh,"
"Come on," I whispered, my hands wrapping over her wrist as I directed her between the brows over to the back side of the home.
"Wait, where are you—"
"Backyards exist too, you know?" I smirked, leading down from the kitchen and finding the loose unlocked back door.
There was a change of atmosphere as soon as the night air hit us. The air was cooler and fresher, especially for the end of December, but there was a pleasant feeling after being in the hot crowded area for so long.
Our surroundings were quieter than ever and, the slight breeze caused the branches over the trees afar to make a whistling noise.
I turned to Y/n.
I watched as she also took in the fresh night air. I could see an expression of relief as her eyes closed and her hair swayed over the swishes of coldness. For once, I was glad I was able to give her something of relief after giving her stress all year.
"Are you cold?" I asked over the light shivering within her exposed arms.
"N-No," She lied.
I chuckled, sliding off the green knitted sweater from myself.
"What? No. No, it's fine, Sebastian—"
"It's alright. From all the sweaters Agnes has knitted me, I don't mind losing a spare," I said in a silly tone, giving her the sweater, "Besides, I got too hot in there. I'm alright with a long sleeve."
Y/n held the sweater in a frozen manner, debating whether she should give it back or not, "Are you sure?"
"Put it on." I demanded.
Y/n sighed, but I watched slowly as the knitted fabric brushed through her body, the oversized sweater making her seem warm and cozier.
Instantly, I noticed the slow levels of paleness lower from her face as she relaxed once and for all and began to look at the nature surrounding us.
You can hear the crickets chirping from afar. A few cows mooed from the farm area while horses snarled their breaths in the distance.
I began to walk with patience, hoping that while my feet cracked over the grass below, Y/n would follow along, which she did.
The weather was cold. I did find myself shivering slightly as we walked to the nearest tree over the backyard, but I managed to fight through it; as long as she was warm, I didn't care.
"So, how are you feeling?" Y/n let out, her hands still glued around her body as she stared down at the grass.
"Hm?" I said, "How am I feeling?"
We made a stop on the biggest tree in front of us. It might've been a half-mile walk already from Agnes Coffey's backdoor to here.
"Yeah. As in, how are you feeling?" Y/n assured, "It's been quite a rough....a rough time, don't you think?"
I pursed my lips, my eyes admiring the lit moon above us. A few branches of the trees would make it disappear as I became distracted.
"Yeah, you're right. I agree. It has been quite...a journey." I bit the inside of my lip, "I could be better, but more importantly, I prefer if you ask that for yourself."
Y/n's figure leaned against the trunk of the tree, a foggy breath revealing from her mouth from the cold as she thought and spoke.
"Me?" Y/n chuckled, "I mean, what's there to say? It can't be Christmas forever." She said in a more serious tone.
I imitated her actions, leaning against the trunk of the tree and crossing my arms as I also let out breaths; I could see the white dragon breath over the air at each take.
"Anne's probably mourning another holiday without me," I wondered, "But I'm sure Ominis can fill in that spot in the meantime."
"You make it sound so easy," Y/n scoffed, her stare still at the sky, "As if last Christmas wasn't enough without you."
I gulped at the image, and nodded with hesitation, "Not that I had a choice, but I could say the same. I wasn't even expecting to be having a Christmas at all this year. If anything, I'm grateful I get to live another one despite the circumstances, of course."
The circumstances of running away. The circumstances of hiding. The circumstances of not celebrating with the ones we care about. The circumstances in general.
"Yeah..." Y/n sighed, "I'm sure I would've been eating my gram's homemade cookies by now."
We both stood quiet for a moment. Only the sound of the animals and air chased over the open walls. It was peaceful, but I knew our thoughts were all over the place.
"We would rescue your grams." I said confidently.
Y/n just sighed.
"We will. I will." I assured her, now my head was at her over that tree for reassurance, "Do you trust me?"
Y/n's eyes broke from the moon and focused her view on me. A face of guilt and concern grew over her as she tried to speak, but couldn't let out the proper words.
"You said you trust me. Why do you seem so hesitant?" I asked.
"I do trust you, Sebastian," Y/n said with truth, but then her eyes broke off mine, "But please, understand that you are still recovering."
"Recovering? I'm well." I defended.
"Have you not noticed the shift of emotions you've had the last few days since we arrived?" Y/n reminded, "I can't risk having you go back there with me."
I scoffed, "Nonsense. Do you really think you won't let me accompany you on such journey?" I asked her, my brows furrowing.
"I'm not forcing you to follow me, but I'm already losing my grams. I cannot lose you, either, again." Y/n pointed at me, "It's just common sense."
"You won't lose me," My hands suddenly clutched over her sides, my grip tightening as I measured her more well, "Let me help you."
Y/n breathed at my actions, her eyes looking down at the group I held below her, and gasped, "Sebastian,"
"You know I'm not letting you do this alone." I warned her.
I could feel our faces inches apart as the assurance between us grew more.
"I've been doing things alone the last year. I could—"
"You're being so stubborn." I frowned.
"And you're being so confident," Y/n fought.
"Well, how could I not feel confident after I devoured every inch of your body this morning?" I teased, letting my fingers unclench from her waist and take a few feet back, "Hm?"
Y/n's cheeks rose in a red tint from my sentence. You can tell there wasn't much to say about it because she let out a scoff and rolled her eyes.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah," I nodded, "Seriously."
There was silence between us, again. The silence wasn't eerie or bad. If anything, it was good silence. The one where you just both stare at each other before someone laughs first.
I let out a breath, finally giving in to the hectic conversation, "What is it?"
The sleeves of my sweater were overlapping Y/n's hands and she crossed her arms, getting herself warmer as her eyes squinted at the farm animals.
"Do they just keep the animals out in the cold all the time?" Y/n asked in surprise.
I turned in the direction she was pointing at and shrugged, "I suppose...I'm sure they have an enchantment to be warm, but they're animals."
Y/n stood there, staring at the cows and horses.
"Come on," I gestured, grabbing her out of the tree.
"What?"
"It's Christmas," I reminded, holding her hand, "Let's at least enjoy the night. Just tonight."
As we neared the fences of the farm, I jumped over it and held out my hand to help Y/n do the same.
"Up,"
Y/n stood there awkwardly, "Is this allowed?"
I raised my brows, "Merlin, Y/n, that's what you're worried about? Come on." My fingers waved, waiting for her to take a jump over the fence.
Y/n sighed, but clutched her warm hand over mine before I carried her past the wooden fences and brought her down. Her dress flopped with her at the same time.
Y/n's Perspective
"You're joking." Sebastian Sallow scoffed at me minutes later.
My brows came together at his reaction, "Pardon? Is it so shocking to you that I never ridden a horse?"
"You ridden everything!" Sebastian let out in surprise, "A broom, a Hippogriff! Oh, a Graphorn?! And let's not forget, me?" He joked.
I gasped at his last words, but shook my head, not letting it get to me, "Well, you'll be surprised how many things I haven't tried, yet. Horse riding is one of them."
Sebastian nodded, caressing the white horse beside him as he took hold of the saddle.
It was odd, really. Not that I was complaining about Sebastian's behavior for the night, but I did see a shift. For a second, it felt like I was with the fifth year version of himself. Always cocky, positive and best of all, always cracking overloaded jokes. It was nice and I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible.
"Are you ready?" Sebastian asked.
I blinked, "I don't know how to ride—"
"You didn't know how to ride anything, but you naturally have expertise in it," Sebastian complimented, "I'll teach you. Just put your foot in between here." He pointed.
I never failed with Sebastian Sallow's teaching, so I didn't worry about failure for the night. I followed through with his directions carefully as I found myself sitting over a horse.
"How do you feel?" Sebastian asked below, arms crossed as he eyed me.
I took hold of the ropes over the horse and settled down, "It feels a little...easier to control than a Graphorn."
"I could imagine the difference." Sebastian said, "Now, place your hands over the reins, and keep steady. Don't pull yet." He talked me through it.
I nodded, following his directions.
"Now, guide it. Slowly." Sebastian said, "Feel the ride. Horses tend to go quite fast and hurt you between the legs if you're not careful." He laughed.
"Thanks for the warning."
The horse walked slowly and I began to get a pattern of its pace. We walked around the gated area, going in circles.
"Alright, Mr. White," I talked to the horse, "Steady."
And it went on for a few minutes before I found myself laughing over the paces of the horses. It was easier than a Graphorn and that's all that mattered.
"All well?" Sebastian asked from afar.
"All well," I reassured.
My eyes began to follow over Sebastian mid-farm area. His wand reached over the lock of the gate before opening it wide and guiding the horse.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
Sebastian then jumped on over the brown horse near the gate and settled himself onto it.
"What do you think I'm doing? Am I not allowed to ride a horse?" Sebastian asked.
I stood quiet, but witnessed as Sebastian Sallow guided his own horse out of the gate in such an easy way. He then turned to me as I was frozen, along with my white horse.
"Go, before the rest of the farm animals escape and I take the blame," Sebastian chuckled, "Go on."
I don't know how I found myself spending a Christmas riding horses with Sebastian Sallow in the middle of the open fields of Bainsburgh, but I did. And it was fun. Too much fun.
All those worries and depressing feelings went away for a moment. Those stressful events, those emotions, those heavy feelings — it was gone for a temporary time.
I felt my hair wave around over the cold wind as I kept my hands hugging the moving horse. The moon and the stars glowed nicely over the open fields, making the moment feel magical.
I turned to Sebastian once.
Sebastian's brown hair waved around as he rode the horse, his broad shoulders gripped over the reins as I stared. He rode with a graceful demeanor and his confidence was there as he guided the animal smoothly. I was almost jealous.
He was handsome. A smile highlighted over him, expressing joy within our fun activity. It looked like he had ridden horses all his life.
"What is it?" Sebastian finally let out to me as we reached the tip of the mountain.
If we led our horses further, we would've fallen.
I took a breath, stopping my horse and looking at him, "Were you a cowboy in another lifetime, by any chance?"
Sebastian chuckled, his white teeth glowing as he flushed over, "Maybe, I was."
I smiled.
"When my parents became professors at Hogwarts, sometimes, they had too much work to catch us up on and signed us up for riding classes," Sebastian confessed.
"At such a young age?"
"Hey, don't underestimate the expert." Sebastian said cockily.
I nodded, "I'm jealous."
Sebastian smiled back.
It was a perfect setting. The clear sky, the starlit sky, the moon, and the peace. It was surreal.
I kept my stare at the tip of the mountain, my eyes scanning over the highlands and looking at the nature over it.
"Past those mountains over there," Sebastian pointed, "If it weren't for those mountains, we'd probably be able to see Hogwarts from here."
"Really?" I said in interest, looking at the mountains, "But it's so far from where we are isn't it?"
"The castle is huge. Don't forget that." Sebastian assured.
Hogwarts. It seemed so long ago, yet it hadn't even been a proper week. Everything felt like an improper nightmare and if I woke up, I'd be in my dorm again.
"Would you go back?"
I blinked at the question being asked, and turned at Sebastian, "Would I go back to Hogwarts?"
"Yes. If you can, would you?" He stared.
My chest rose a little, thinking back to all the reasons I left in the first place and thought about the reactions even if I came back. That's if I even made it back alive.
"I-I don't know," I answered in honesty, "There's too much to handle, and...I left abruptly. I don't see any hope to come back."
Sebastian nodded, understanding my reasoning.
"Would you?"
Sebastian shrugged, "Seems like we are both on the same boat."
"It's your last year. You were there most of your—"
"Yeah, before I became the scary guy from Azkaban." Sebastian chuckled in hurt, "Honestly, where's the fun if you aren't there?"
"I'm surprised you're even saying that, considering you wanted to strangle me all year." I joked out.
"You know why."
I sighed, "I do..."
"Let's say, if the circumstances weren't the way they turned out to be," Sebastian went on, "Would you come back...with me?"
Yes. A million times, yes, Sebastian Sallow.
But I didn't have the courage to say it that way. It felt dramatic.
"Well, yeah..." I said, almost in a whisper, "I would've loved to graduate on time. Together."
"Me too." Sebastian agreed.
We relished the calm that came with the silence afterward. We weren't even looking at the view over the mountains, we were just looking at each other.
Just peace and tranquility.
"I've missed you, Sebastian." I said breathlessly.
"Did you? Or did you miss the old me?" Sebastian cracked in his voice.
I hadn't expected the questioning, but I swallowed and shook my head.
"No, I missed you," I fixed, "Not that I miss the old you. I'm glad you're here and that's all that matters."
"Really?" He asked.
I smiled, "Yeah...you're more interesting now."
Sebastian chuckled down, "I'll take that as a compliment."
But it did hurt. There was a 1% inside of me that did miss the old him. The one where his true worries were just a stupid fake dating plan. Was just his sister. Was just school and homework — now, there were too many worries mentally and physically for him. Worries that were permanent.
"Y/n?"
My eyes focused again on Sebastian's soft deep voice that rang over my ear.
"Yes?"
His lips parted slightly; he was struggling a little to let out his words, but he was getting there as he spoke.
"I, um," Sebastian cleared his throat, "Despite everything that has happened, and uh...you know, from the last time we saw each other fifth year," he breathed, "And how we now slept together twice in a day."
My face reddened at the thought. Just reflecting back on the memories made me feel slightly queasy, but I maintained my posture over the horse and nodded, listening.
"I, just...." Sebastian scratched the back of his neck, struggling, "I think it's right to say that, uh, I, well, I-I...lo—"
A loud blast suddenly popped through my ears during the moment of peace, and I nearly fell out of my horse as it reared up from the loud sound.
As I jumped, holding up, Sebastian did the same as the horses felt the tension of the vibrating floor beneath.
Sebastian and I turned in the direction of the sound, trying to figure out what it could've been. Our breaths became heavy as the horses kept moving upward from the view.
And from afar, you can see the small abandoned village of Bainsburgh rupture into fire.
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