That same day that I saw her talking to her lawyer was also the same day that I should be letting her go. It's not because I'm giving up on us, but because I love her...
Ilang beses na niyang ipinakita sa akin na talagang desidido siyang tapusin na kung anong meron kami. At sa bawat beses na pinipigilan ko 'yon pakiramdam ko lalo lang kami nasisira.
So, I decided to let us go.
When she reached the car, I plastered a smile on my face, pretending I didn't see any. I unlocked the door when I saw her approach the direction;
"Sorry for keeping you waiting. Did you wait that long ba?" Irene asked with her soft voice as she buckled her seatbelt.
I gave her a smile, kahit alam ko kung tungkol saan ang pinag-usapan nila, I still tried my best to sound excited.
"No, no. It's okay!" I answered and started the engine. Buong byahe pauwi ay hindi ako umiimik. It was just Irene who was talking, telling me stories about how was her day with Liv and Maggie went, she enjoyed their company and I'm glad she has friends who always have her back.
"They said nga na we can go to Amanpulo with our husbands once you've fully recovered!" Irene sounded excitedly. I glanced at her nang iliko ang manibela ng sasakyan;
"That would be great!" I reacted and pursed my lips. Nanghihina ako ngayon...
When we arrived home, dumeretsyo ako sa study room ko. Irene was about to protest, "do not dare join any of the meetings ha. I already told kuya David na hindi ka puwede i-accept sa online meetings" she warned, giving me a stern look.
"I promise! may hahanapin lang ako" pagdadahilan ko, Irene nodded, "okay, sunod ka nalang sa kuwarto ha para makapagpahinga ka rin..." she smiled at tumungo na sa master's bedroom.
When I reached the study room, tinawagan ko agad si Joaquin, a college friend of ours at lawyer ko.
"Bro, napatawag ka? how's your recovery going?" bungad niya agad pagkasagot ng telepono.
"Quin, I'm filing for annulment" kaswal kong sagot, ilang segundo bago uli magsalita si Quin;
"Huh? bro? seryoso ka ba? I thought you two are getting there? ano nangyari?"
"I saw her talking to her lawyer earlier when I fetched her... And I think this is for the best. Alam kong pagod na siya at desidido na siya sa desisyon niya. At ayaw ko na siyang pigilan kung anong makakapagpasaya sa kaniya, so--" I was cut off when Quin talked;
"So you're giving up now?"
My breath hitched, I bit my lower lip at tinitigan ang litrato namin na nasa la mesa ko. It was a photo of us during our honeymoon trip to London. I was hugging her waist while her hand is resting on my chest. We were both smiling, we seemed so happy since the beginning...
But looking at it, I realized, she never loved me the way I loved her.
Hindi ko hinihingi na mahalin niya ako tulad ng pagmamahal na meron ako sa kaniya.
Siguro nga natuto nalang siyang mahalin ako dahil ako ang andito, o dahil mahal ko siya kaya minahal niya ako.
But it was never because she loves me. And I don't deserve that kind of love. And neither she doesn't deserve this kind of relationship that we have right now.
A relationship that consumes us.
Siguro nga sumobra ako...
"Yes... I'm letting us go. We're not growing anymore as a couple. At ayaw kong patagalin pa 'tong problema na meron kami. Ayaw kong umabot sa punto na pareho kaming maubos..." I replied.
kasi nauubos na kami.
I heard Quin sighed, "If that's your decision, then... I'll be processing your petition right away. Si Atty. Valiente ang abogado niya, di ba?" he asked.
I nodded as if he could see me, "yes" pagsagot ko.
"Okay, then... I just hope, pagkatapos nito, maging masaya kayo sa mga desisyon ninyo. This phase is not going to be easy, Greg" Quin told me, alam ko naman iyon...
"Yes, I know... Pero mas along hindi madali kung anong meron kami ngayon, Quin. I can sense na our marriage is consuming her. At unfair 'yon para sa kaniya."
"You're ending this because she wanted to... Not because you're giving up, Greg" Quin made me realize... Tama naman siya, pero gusto ko rin 'to sa parte na pareho kaming makakahinga.
Because honestly, this marriage suffocates us.
Para bang kasal nalang kami dahil sa papel na meron kami. Pero hindi kami kasal sa isa't isa dahil gusto namin.
"I know. But because I love her that is why I'm letting us go"
Ilang minuto pa kami nag-usap para bigyan ako ng Quin ng ideya sa kung ano at paano ang magiging proseso. Pagkatapos ay lumabas na ako ng study room at dumeretsyo sa kuwarto namin.
I saw her sleeping peacefully at nakapang-bahay na rin siya na damit.
I climbed on the bed and caressed her face, she's the most beautiful woman in my eyes.
"I love you..." I whispered and kissed her forehead.
When love doth flee and hearts must part,
In sorrow's grip, we nurse the smart.
Yet time doth heal the heaviest woe,
And bids the streams of fondness slow.
So let thine love go, set it free,
And find the peace that comes to thee.
That dinner announcement shocked everyone, including Irene who was clueless about what Greggy had planned.
The dinner also ended earlier than expected dahil sa dismayado ang mga pamilya nila. Maging si Imee ay nagulat, she knows that her sister was ready to commit herself this time and to rebuild their marriage.
"Irene..." she mumbled, holding her sister's hand. Irene just gave her a smile, "it shall be alright, ate" she replied at sinundan na si Greggy na naghihintay sa labas.
When they arrived home, hindi nagsasalita ang mag-asawa. Irene couldn't find a way to talk, hindi niya alam kung paano at saan mag-uumpisa o dapat pa bang magsalita siya.
Para saan pa?
Nakapag-desisyon na ang asawa at maging siya ay ginusto rin naman iyon...
noon...
Irene was about to go up when Greggy held her hand, "Irene, let's talk..." he mumbled. Bakas sa mata nito ang lungkot, Irene looked at him blankly.
"Please..." he added and squeezed Irene's hand.
And now they found themselves in the gazebo in their garden. Malamig na ang simoy ng hangin dahil lumalalim na rin ang gabi. All they can hear is the wind and their breaths.
"I already talked to my lawyer, Joaquin. He said he would be coordinating with your lawyer, Mr. Valiente regarding the annulment case..." panimula ni Greggy, nakatitig lang si Irene sa mga halaman sa paligid, trying to hold back her tears.
"Annulment, legal separation kung anong gusto mo..." he added, his breath hitched at nakatitig lang sa asawa, sinusubukang huliin ang mga mata nito.
"Okay..." Irene answered, parang kaswal lang ang tono nito at hindi mabasa ni Greggy ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya.
"Would that be all?" tanong ni Irene at nilingon si Greggy, he saw how she tried her best not to break down in front of him.
"Irene... I know, nabigla ka... But believe me when I said it's for the best..." Greggy explained, Irene smiled at him in return and let out a heavy breath.
"Of course, of course... I've been the one who's asking you for this, right?" she replied and pursed her lips, iniwasan niya ang mga mata ni Greggy;
"So, thank you... Thank you for this" she said, ending the conversation as she stood up. "Irene... I'm... I'm sorry for everything... You don't deserve this kind of relationship that we have right now" Greggy held back, nilingon muli siya ni Irene at hindi na nagsalita tsaka pumasok sa loob ng bahay.
When she reached the master's bedroom, agad niyang hinubad sa daliri niya ang engagement at wedding band nila, she placed it in a random drawer, not minding where it might end up. Umiiyak siyang nag-ayos ng mga gamit.
She'll be leaving and who knows where will the fate bring her.
The next day, maaga nagising si Greggy, tahimik ang buong bahay at tanging ingay lang ng vacuum sa baba ang maririnig. Napatigil siya ng ilang segundo sa tapat ng pinto ng kuwarto nila. He was hesitant to knock but he chose not to.
Dahil alam niyang mas mahihirapan lang sila pareho ni Irene kung hindi niya ito iiwasan.
Nang makababa sa dining area ay nadatnan niya si manang Yeda na nag-aayos, "oh, gising ka na pala. kumain ka na ng almusal" walang emosyong bati ni manang. Greggy roamed his eyes around, "si Irene po? kumain na po ba?" he asked. Tinignan siya ni manang at umiling, "hindi. wala siya rito sa bahay. kagabi pa umalis" kaswal niyang sagot.
Napakunot naman ng noo si Greggy, why he didn't know? "Po? anong oras po umalis? saan daw po nagpunta?" he asked, but manang Yeda shrugged her shoulders, "hindi ko rin alam. siguro subukan mo nalang tawagan." she answered at lumabas na ng kusina.
Pumasok nalang si Greggy sa opisina at hindi pa rin siya sinasagot ni Irene sa mga tawag at texts niya. He even went personally to the finance department at the 12th floor pero maging ang sekretarya niya ay walang ideya kung nasaan ang asawa.
"Hindi rin po sinabi sir eh. Basta maaga lang po siya tumawag kanina, ang sabi hindi raw po muna siya makakapasok ng mga ilang araw" the secretary informed him. Greggy bit his lower lip and slid out his phone from his pocket, he just dismissed the secretary at nagtungo uli sa elevator pabalik sa floor nila.
He tried dialing Irene's number but it just keeps on ringing. Pagkabalik niya sa sariling opisina ay bumungad agad ang mga empleyado at maging sekretarya niya, asking for his signature, approval and reviews.
"Ano ba?! Can't you see!? I'm trying to contact my wife! Leave all those papers on my desk and get out!!" he shouted. Napatigil naman ang lahat, maging ang mga empleyado sa labas ay narinig iyon.
"Just get out in an instant!!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. Unang beses niya itong nagawa sa loob mismo ng opisina.
Lumabas naman agad ang mga empleyado kasama ang sekretarya niya, he's busying dialing his wife's number, "come on, Irene, pick up!!" he mumbled.
Hindi naman niya namalayang pumasok ang kuya niya. David cleared his throat to get Greggy's attention. Napansin naman iyon ni Greggy at nilingon lang ang kapatid and continued tapping his phone to contact his wife.
"And now you're trying to contact your wife whom you're planning to annul," David remarked as he sat down on the couch, he took a magazine from the table and started scanning it. Hindi siya pinansin ni Greggy at nagpatuloy lang sa pagte-text at pagtawag kay Irene.
"You know what, Greggy, stop playing with Irene's emotions and feelings..." David added as he closed the magazine, napatigil naman si Greggy at tumingin sa kapatid. "Stop acting like you care, shower her with love and words of affirmation, and then one day you want to end things between the two of you." David continued as he stood up at lumapit sa kapatid na nakatulala lang sa kaniya.
"Stop treating her in any way that's convenient for you. Hindi lang ikaw ang nasaktan sa nangyari, Greg. It's been a year and it's easy for me to say. But based on what you're acting now? You're not yet ready not even a choice of yours na gusto mo siyang hiwalayan." David said and crossed his arms. Umiling naman si Greggy at bumalik sa mesa niya, he's trying to divert his attention kahit na nag-aalala pa rin ito sa asawa niya.
"nakikipag-hiwalay ka lang naman sa kaniya because it's what she wanted not even what you want." Greggy frowned at his brother, "It is what I want. I don't want to suffocate her in this marriage. Besides, it's what she's been asking me for months now." he replied at bumuntong hininga, he looked at his phone on his desk, hoping for a notification from Irene.
David shook his head as he slid both of his hands into his pockets and went in front of his brother's desk; "Whatever you say, brother... Anyway, Dad's calling you in his office. You know what is this about...He's with mom." David told Greggy and went out of his office.
Tumayo naman agad si Greggy at inayos ang sarili, but before he left his office he sent a text to his wife;
To: Wife
Irene, please text me. Tell me where you are, let me know that you're okay... Please...
When he reached his father's office, andoon din ang mga in-laws niya. It shouldn't been a surprise for him pero ikinagulat pa rin niya.
Nakatitig lang si Ferdinand sa kaniya habang si Imelda naman ay sinalubong siya ng ngiti. Greggy sat beside his mother who's been giving him a blank look since he entered.
"Let's make this straight, neither any of you will file for annulment. Hindi kayo maghihiwalay, Gregory" Albert warned his son. Nangunot naman ang noo ni Greggy and looked at his father-in-law who's just giving him a blank stare. Hindi niya mabasa kung anong tumatakbo sa isip ni Ferdinand.
"What? that's unfair, dad! We've done our part already! We got married because this is what you've wanted! Nagpakasal kami not because of love, but because of our duties. And even for this? kayo pa rin ang masusunod?!" he protested, he didn't mind if he raised his voice but he just wanted to voice out his piece this time. He felt his mother's hand on his lap, signaling him to calm down.
"At ikaw ba naisip mo kung paano nito masisira ang mga pamilya natin!? ang mga negosyo natin that we've built for years?!" Albert fired back;
"You... You don't understand, dad" Greggy shook his head at napayuko nalang.
"Then make us understand, Gregory! Bakit biglang ganito!? What happened?!"
"You know that we never wanted to be in this situation... You all know that we never married each other because we love each other. You just used our marriage to build ties and connections, right? habang kayo nagpapakasaya sa mga naipundar ninyo, paano naman kami!?" he retorted and looked directly into his father's eyes.
Ferdinand rested his back on the couch and cleared a lump. He, too, knows that those will be the exact lines of his daughter...
But he knows that Irene learned to love him as much as Greggy loves her.
"Okay, end your marriage with Irene. Might as well end your linkage with your family" Albert declared, everyone looked at him in shock.
"That's not fair! I've done everything I could for this family! You know that I did everything you told me to do!"
"I said what I said" Albert answered and left everyone dumbfounded.
Hindi na nagsalita pa si Ferdinand at lumabas na ng opisina ni Albert, he doesn't want to say anything at baka lumala pa ang sitwasyon.
But if he's the one who will be asked?
He'd rather have his daughter back...
Pero alam niyang hindi basta uuwi sa kaniya ang anak niya sa ganitong sitwasyon na meron sila. And he knows when and when he shouldn't be meddling in their marriage.
Patungo na sila ng elevator nang marinig nila si Greggy, "mom! dad!" he called,running towards them. Huminto naman ang mag-asawa;
"Dad, please... If you know where she is, please tell me... Just let me know that she's safe..." pagmamaka-awa ni Greggy sa kanila. Imelda looked at her husband then at their son-in-law;
"she's okay, Greg. You don't have to worry... Just let her breathe, give her space... She'll talk and show up once she's ready" Imelda assured him, but Greggy pleaded once more.
"Mom, please... Saan po siya? I'll go to her" he asked, but this time, Ferdinand was the one who answered.
"You heard what my wife has said, Irene's okay. Stop whining and do your job. We can take care of our daughter" Ferdinand answered as nonchalantly as he could. Greggy at him and stepped back, nodding his head slowly.
"Stop hurting my daughter, stop pretending that you care" Ferdinand added, Imelda tapped his arms and looked at him then at their son-in-law, "Ferdie..." she whispered, everyone's attention was on them.
Hindi na nagsalita pa si Greggy, "she'll come back once she's ready" Imelda reassured him, habang nauna nang maglakad paalis si Ferdinand. Greggy just gave his mother-in-law a pale smile.
Two days had passed at wala pa ring paramdam si Irene sa kaniya, heaven knows how worried Greggy is, at bawat oras ay hindi siya napagod tawagan o i-text ang asawa, hoping for her response, pero wala siyang nahintay.
Gabi na at hindi pa rin tumitigil sa pag-inom si Irene, she's staying at their rest house in Batangas, sinamahan siya ng kapatid niyang si Imee. Kahapon lang ay galing si Greggy dito at nagbakasakali, pero isa sa mga care taker nila ang pinaharap nila sa kaniya. Irene wanted to ask him a lot of questions, pero para bang wala siyang lakas to even face him.
That's why she decided na magpakalayo na muna.
"Irene, tumigil ka na nga! Kanina ka pa diyan! Nakatatlong bote ka na oh!" Suway ni Imee sa kapatid, Irene just finished three bottles of merlot.
Irene didn't listen to her sister at tinawanan lang ito. Napatitig sa kaniya si Imee, it breaks her seeing her sister like this. At ngayon lang niya uli nakita na nagkaganito ang kapatid. The last time was a year ago, when that happened and no one knew about it.
Even to this day...
They chose to keep it to themselves.
"I... I loved him too late, didn't I? And this punishment from him sucks..." Irene laughed as she drank from his wine glass, "One day we're okay, the next day he's filing for an annulment! Bravo!" she laughed sarcastically, as she wept. Imee went to her sister at kinuha na ang baso, "enough, Irene..." she mumbled, hinarap naman siya ng kapatid and clung to Imee's blouse;
"Am I that bad, ate? gano'n ba talaga ako kasamang asawa? I didn't want that to happen, believe me... Hindi ko ginusto 'yon... Hindi..." she sobbed. Maging si Imee ay napaluha na rin, seeing her miserable like this pains her as a sister.
"I want... I want to see him... I want to feel his embrace... I... I want to hear him how he loves me... Pero... Ang sakit pala kapag sa kaniya na mismo nanggaling na ayaw na niya, ate... Dapat hindi ako nasasaktan, dapat natutuwa pa ako eh. Kasi ako ang may gusto nito eh... Pero, hindi ko pala kaya... Hindi ko kaya..." Irene continued to weep, Imee wiped her sister's tears at hinarap ito sa kaniya, "everything will be alright, I promise" she assured her sister.
The next day, Irene woke up with a heavy feeling. Masakit ang ulo niya pero pinilit niyang bumangon. Imee left early dahil kailangan siya sa kompanya, tanging ang mga katulong lang nila ang kasama niya ngayon sa rest house.
She went downstairs at may nakahanda nang agahan at kape para sa kaniya. While having breakfast, she checked her emails at marami na siyang kailangan asikasuhin sa trabaho since it's been three days since she left. She also saw some missed calls and texts from Greggy but she chose to ignore them.
She place down her phone at nagpatuloy kumain nang tumunog uli ang telepono niya, she saw her secretary's caller ID, at medyo alanganin pa ito nang sagutin niya.
"Hello, ma'am? Sorry po for disturbing you this early. But I'm afraid you're needed na po dito sa opisina. Marami po kasi new projects and investments at kailangan na po ng review at approval ninyo. Si Mr. Dela Torre po ay darating na rin next week, kaya kailangan na rin po ng signature ninyo para sa project with the Torres" pagpapaliwanag ng sekretarya.
Napamasahe naman ng sentido si Irene;
"Okay, I'll report tomorrow. Send me all the papers that need my review, approval, and signature" she answered and ended the call.
Evening came and Greggy was just doing his work in the receiving area. He was too busy with all the papers and didn't even notice that Irene just came back.
He was just caught off guard nang marinig ang mga kasambahay nila na binati ang asawa, "naku! Irene! mabuti naman at bumalik ka na! nag-hapunan ka na ba? ipaghahanda kita" he heard manang Yeda, agad na tumayo si Greggy at nilapitan ang asawa.
"Irene..." he called, his wife looked at him and smiled, "hi" she answered. At nilingon muli si manang Yeda, "ayos lang po ako, manang. Naghapunan na rin po ako sa labas. Paki-akyat nalang po muna ito sa kuwarto" bilin ni Irene at iniabot ang isang duffle bag. Sinunod naman ito ni manang Yeda at umakyat.
Irene went straight to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water, when Greggy followed her.
"Irene, where have you been? you made me worried... How are you?" pangangamusta ni Greggy sa asawa, Irene sipped on her glass at nilingon siya;
"I'm good. I just came back because my secretary said marami na raw akong pending sa opisina. at may budget approval daw regarding the project with the Torres?" she replied. Nakatitig lang sa kaniya si Greggy.
He nodded, "Yes... I'm just glad you're back" he smiled.
"I'll go upstairs now, gusto ko na magpahinga. Good night" Irene smiled and left him.