Roadkill - catnipz

Chapter 7: Food Chain

flashback:

meet me in room 5a at 4:30 after school

Sakura peers down at the crumpled note in her hand, eyes tracing over the messily scribbled words as she arrives in front of the classroom that had been requested of her, peering inside uneasily. It seems to be empty, and although she can't see in very far, she's got a strong inkling that this is going to turn out to be some sort of joke. Looking back over her shoulder from where she'd come from, she sees no one, and is met with silence. To be honest, it doesn't do much to quell her nerves. Crinkling up the note in her fist and stuffing it back into the pocket of her blazer, Sakura tightens her tie just as a subconscious thing, heaves out a slow breath, and enters the classroom.

The door creaks eerily, and Sakura grimaces at the loud sound it makes. The lights aren't on, although they don't really need to be, it's summer and the sunlight filters in quietly from outside, not searingly hot, but just enough to be pleasant. She looks around for any sight of whoever might have called her in here, closing the door gently behind her, and- and then she sees her.

She's an underclassman for sure, Sakura can tell simply by the youthfulness of her features. She's younger than Sakura, with wide eyes and pink lips set in a straight line, with long, dark hair falling dead straight across her shoulders, a little limp looking. Sakura thinks she's seen her a couple times before, in the hallways in between classes, nearly always on her own and avoiding eye contact with everyone wherever possible. She's without her blazer, and her tie now that Sakura thinks of it, and the top button of her shirt is undone.

Being on the student council, the sight of it is already enough to make Sakura a little miffed. It's not that hard to follow the policy, honestly, if anything it requires more effort to rebel against it than to just go along with it like everyone else does. She gives the girl a quick once-over, pressing her lips together. She's already got a fairly good idea of the character she's got just based on this alone.

While the girl's eyes are wide, her entire appearance overall is quite frail and delicate looking, something Sakura doesn't doubt her yearmates envy her for. Her gaze then narrows, and just as Sakura had done to her, her eyes flick down, and then back up again. It's a quick movement, Sakura would've missed it had she not been paying attention, but she just about catches it.

She's got a strong feeling that that had been the girl's intention.

"You're Sakura?" the girl finally speaks. She speaks quietly, in a manner that forces you to strain to hear her, which only irks Sakura further. Yet while her voice is quiet, it's not in the timid sort of manner. It's quiet in a demanding sort of way.

"Mmh," Sakura nods her head. She's never had an underclassman speak to her in this sort of a manner, and if this girl knows who she is then she knows of her status within the school that comes with being on the council. "You're the one who called me here, I'm assuming,"

"Yes," the girl replies, short. "Look, I'm not going to-"

"Ah, wait," Sakura holds up a hand. "Sorry, but look, you know who I am, yeah?"

The girl doesn't reply for a moment or two, clearly not being all too pleased at being cut off in the way she had been. Her lips are still parted, and she closes her mouth slowly, blinking. "Yes," once again, even just that word alone is calm, controlled. "You're Sakura, I just said. You're on the student council,"

Sakura tilts her head to the side, gesturing. "So you're really gonna call in a student council member and not wear the right uniform? I'm really never one to report but like," she shrugs. "Not exactly starting off on the right foot. For whatever you want me for,"

The girl doesn't reply, dark eyes still, unwavering.

God, Sakura's just freaking exhausted. She'd had to make up some bullshit excuse to not head out with her friends for ttokbeokki after the day's main classes ended before returning for evening study, and now she's hungry and her patience is being tested and she really doesn't like this girl's attitude.

Sakura sighs, patting down her hair. "Just go put on your blazer, at least. If a teacher walks in we'll both get in trouble, so save us both the conflict and just put it on, even for just ten minutes or whatever,"

The girl props herself up against one of the desks, leaning on her palms and crossing her ankles. Her gaze is still blank, but her gaze holds something provocative. "I sold it,"

Sakura blinks. She really thinks she's heard it all, at this stage. "...you what?"

"I sold it," the girl repeats, like Sakura hadn't heard her clearly. "To another student. I haven't got one,"

Yeah, this girl is really pushing all of Sakura's buttons now. She only just about resists the strong urge to roll her eyes, because really, she's better than this. She just needs to retain her cool. "Are you really-"

"I think you'll find that after hearing what I have to say, you'll find that whether or not I'm wearing a freaking tie will be the least of your worries," this time, it's the girl who cuts across Sakura, her tone still a low, almost bored drone. But, her eyes flash with something threatening, something that unnerves Sakura, and makes her believe that this girl is being a hundred percent serious about this entire thing.

And even though Sakura fears being caught, she has to admit that her curiosity has been piqued. "Fine," she sighs, checking over her shoulder at the shut door she'd come through one last time. "But just... make it quick,"

The girl stares at her for a few moments longer, before looking away, her shoulders going lax. "I'm not going to make this any longer than it needs to be. I don't want to be here, and I don't really like you that much already,"

Sakura opens her mouth with a retort ready on her tongue, but the girl holds up a hand to stop her. "Don't talk,"

As much as she wants to retaliate, Sakura's curiosity once again wins out, and she seals her lips again.

The girl laces her fingers together, clasping them over one knee. "So I know just as well as anyone that you're training to become a detective, yeah?" the girl starts off, and Sakura can't help but raise a brow. With just that sentence alone, she already doesn't like where this conversation is going. Anything that's related to both school and the station can never be a good thing.

"Your dad used to work there, you've got connections, it's practically a done deal, blah blah," the girl waves her hand dismissively. "What matters is that you work in that station, and you know what goes on in there," she locks her gaze with Sakura again, and- jesus christ, Sakura really can't pin exactly what it is about her stare that's so concerting but it's really starting to creep her out.

"Have you ever heard the name Kim Taehyung?"

At that, Sakura halts.

It's not a question of whether or not Sakura has heard the name. It's more along the lines of her questioning whether or not she's going to go a day again with out hearing the name.

"Yes..." she replies, tentative.

The girl lets out a short hum. "Arrested with the charges of carrying out a hit and run, went to trial, judge found him guilty," she lists off everything that Sakura was just thinking inside her head, before leaning forward, voice dropping. Despite the weight of her words, she's speaking to Sakura as though she's speaking to a child. "But that's all bullshit, isn't it?"

Sakura bites down on her tongue, hard. She doesn't know- doesn't know how the girl knows any of this, but she forces herself to remain cool, even though she can feel by the way her face shifts that she's not doing the best job. She doesn't know why, but she plays dumb. "I don't know what you're-"

The girl simply cuts her off again. "No, don't even try," her tongue is sharp. "You and I both know exactly what I'm talking about. This case has been going on for months, yet with no real evidence, he's been convicted with fabricated evidence. You're going to send him to jail. You know it's the wrong thing to do, but you're doing it anyway," she blinks, finally, a subconscious part of Sakura wondering if she was ever going to do it at all. She straightens back up again too, shaking her head a little to move her hair away from her face. She doesn't stop there, continuing on. "The only thing you're basing it off of, as far as I can see, is because the hit and run was carried out in a modded car. Does he mod cars?" the girl gives her head a tilt of consideration, pursing her lips. "Yes. Not exactly difficult to figure that out, surprising it took this long actually," she pauses, then laughs quietly, humorlessly to herself. "Actually, no, that's wrong. I'd say people knew. It's just not enough to send someone to prison for, is it? And that's all you want, that's all you care about," that bite has returned to her words, making Sakura physically recoil, even if it's onl minute.

Her heart rate has begun to pick up, her throat growing tighter and tighter the more this girl is talking, and even though she tells herself she doesn't, she thinks that she might have a fair idea of where exactly this conversation is going to lead.

"So the modded car was linked to the hit and run, and somewhere along the way, you linked it to Kim Taehyung," she notices the look on Sakura's face, there's no way she can't. "It almost sounds a bit desperate when I say it aloud, doesn't it?"

Sakura hides her hands behind her back, her posture feeling awkward all of a sudden, fisting them into the back of her blazer and twisting. She breathes out, slow. "How do you-" her voice is thick sounding. She swallows. "How do you know all this?"

Sakura knows. She knows, just from hearing the girl speak, but she prays that she's wrong.

The girl's lips twist, but it's sour. "Shouldn't you know?" her tone has turned mocking. "I'm his sister,"

God, Sakura remembers now. Somewhere amidst endlessly stacked files, scribbed somewhere where it was likely to be forgotten. Kim Taehyung has a younger sister.

If only Sakura could remember her name.

She's seen this girl in school, bumped into her in the corridors, seen the characters of her name scribbled on sheets of paper. But can't even remember who she is. Her brother is being jailed and Sakura has no idea who she is.

She readjusts her footing, cursing herself. "Look, I'm really so sorry-"

The girl gives her a judgemental look, one eyebrow raised. "An apology does fuck all for me," again, her words are highlighted by that humourless breath of laughter, harsh sounding. "What I want, is your help,"

At that, Sakura tenses up.

"I don't know the ins and outs of that station, that's on you," the girl starts. "I don't know how shit in there works, and to be honest I really don't give a fuck. All I care about is that you're in there, and you have connections with people who are much higher up than you are," she points to Sakura. "You want to become a detective, don't you? You want people in The Outskirts to get the justice they are so often denied?" she shrugs. "Clear his name,"

Sakura can only stare at her. Nothing comes into her head, nothing at all. She's drawing a total blank.

"And I don't care if it's too much to ask, or if you think it's impossible for someone like you to do," a tension has begun to stretch along the line of the girl's jaw, and her nails are slowly digging into the soft wood of the desk. "I'm not a fucking fool, I know the nature of those prisons," for the first time since speaking, the girl's voice falters. "If he... if he goes there, then he'll die,"

And Sakura knows she's right.

The inmates in the prisons are brutal. It's straight up survival of the fittest, and none of the guards there are going to do anything about it, for fear of their own life, their family. Sakura has seen pictures and videos of Taehyung, and now that she thinks of it, he's quite similar to this girl. On the more slender side, with dark circles beneath his eyes, looking as though he's lost the majority of his energy and he could fall over at any given moment.

And Sakura's known it all along, she's seen it countless times growing up. If Taehyung goes to one of these prisons, the inmates there will kill him. He will die.

And then that leaves this girl...

Sakura curses mentally. She thinks back to those documents she'd scanned through, all his personal information plain and bare for her to see. The girl's name, which she's still struggling to recollect, had been written beneath a column entitled family.

Completely on its own.

Without her brother, this girl will have no one.

She'll be completely alone, no one even at school she can turn to, no family, no friends. And Sakura doesn't even know who she is.

She blurts it out before she can stop herself. "I... I'm really so sorry, but what's your name again?"

The girl just continues to stare at her, Sakura shifting her weight uncomfortably. It's a minute movement, one she probably wouldn't have spotted if she didn't feel so put on the spot, but the girl's jaw visibly clenches, a strong tension that looks as though it's about to snap. Her fingers too, curl into her palms to create fists, which she hides amidst the fabric of her skirt. Other than that, she looks totally at ease, but now that Sakura's aware of it, it's all that's on her mind.

She regrets the question now, they could've continued on this conversation just fine without Sakura knowing her name, and after delivering so much information like- like that, only now does Sakura think just how indifferent it must've sounded.

The girl lets out a slow, cool breath. "My name is Kim Minji," she replies, tone practically monotonous. It's such a contrast it's practically giving Sakura whiplash, the delicate and soft features of her face against the harsh, clinical manner she has of speaking. "Although if that's all that concerns you after hearing what I have to say then I wonder if this is just a waste of my time,"

Sakura curses, holding up one hand and using the other to palm her forehead. "Shit no-" she sighs. "Only after I said it did I realise how bad it sounded, I'm sorry,"

Minji just hums, not sounding all too interested in the excuse.

"I just... I just don't know if I'm the best person-"

"Bullshit," Minji cuts across her.

Sakura flinches.

"I know you're training to become a detective there already. I know the second you're finished here, you'll be in that station the second it opens," like before, Minji says everything almost a bit too calmly, enough for it to be unnerving. It's calm, but cutting at the same time. "I know you can help me," her voice is forceful, but beneath it all, Sakura catches the slightest hints of desperation.

Sakura presses her lips together. She's heard people in the station discussing the case, it's almost difficult to avoid it at this stage. She knows it's been a difficult one to tackle, but she also knows...

Across the room Minji scoffs. "Fucking knew it," her voice turns seething. "I know exactly what you're thinking about," she takes a couple steps forward, not enough to get close to Sakura, but enough to emphasise the couple inches she has on her by looking down her nose.

"You need people in those prisons, don't you?" Her eyes glint. "Or the Centre's just going to shut you all down. You need people in there to keep you going, or else you're all done for,"

Sakura's mouth runs dry.

Minji's lip curls, though Sakura thinks it's just to hide from how it's begun to quiver, how the glint in her eye has melted to a watery glimmer. "Sick fucks, all of you,"

It's when she begins to make way for the exit that Sakura snaps out of it, giving her head a jolt and reaching out. "No, wait, Minji-"

Minji turns back around on her heel to face her sharply, and whatever tension her jaw was harbouring earlier seems to have spread to the rest of her. She's shaking, just slightly, eyes blown and not quite standing still. 

"I'll kill you,"

Sakura freezes.

Minji keeps staring her down, head tilted to the side, eyes wide and unblinking and even though her face is poker-straight she looks downright murderous.

"Maybe not this year, maybe not next year," Minji speaks on the exhale, words vibrating. "Maybe, so- so far down the line that you'll have forgotten I even said it to you. But I will kill you,"

She's not joking. These aren't empty words that aim to get a scare out of her. There's so much hatred, so much built up anger behind this girl's words that Sakura can practically feel it.

Unconsciously, she takes a step back. Minji scoffs at the sight of it. "I said I wasn't going to take very long, I think you get the point," her voice returns to its usual, quiet state, and she steps away from her.

Minji doesn't say anything, doesn't look back, leaving the room briskly and closing the door behind her. 

---

Minji holds out the gun for Haerin to take.

Haerin stares at it for a moment, bleary-eyed, before she actually registers what exactly it is that Minji wants her to do.

Ah.

She wants her to kill him.

Haerin's shoulders jolt again, similar to how they would if she were to laugh, but she's not laughing.

Minji gives the gun a small, inviting shake, tilting her head to the side and looking directly at Haerin. "Can you?"

No matter how much your conscience would scream at you not to do something, you'd have to go through with it.

And Haerin's conscience is screaming at her. It's on its figurative knees, pleading with her, begging her. She wants to go home, wants to go home home, just close her eyes and sleep, and maybe never waking up wouldn't be all that bad.

But it's not like Haerin's got much of a choice. She never had, not really.

She wordlessly takes the gun from Minji's grasp.

It's heavy, in her hold, and her shoulder dips once its weight is fully in her grip before she straightens back up again. She looks down at it, as it doubles then triples then returns to being singular, not quite able to hold its shape. It's practically the same kind she'd trained with back at the station, so it's familiar to her, she's gone through firearms before, and she knows how to work them. She knows what she's doing, but she's never felt more out of her element.

Everyone's eyes on her don't help either.

Somewhere, amidst the swimming of her thoughts, Haerin just about works out that this must be some kind of test, per se. Not something that was planned; Haerin can tell just by how tired Minji is that she'd much rather be at her flat than here, but she could just as easily kill this man herself. Or, hell, get Yunjin or Danielle or someone else to do it for her, someone who'd find much more delight in it than Haerin is going to. She supposes everyone is curious, and that's why they're staring, wondering how she's going to act, what she's going to do. Yunjin's eyes are narrowed, glinting softly, dangerously, similar to Hanni's. Danielle and Kazuha appear less clinical, more inquisitive if anything else. None of them say anything; the atmosphere is much too tense, too suffocating, for anyone to utter a word. Haerin feels as though she can feel the weight of the room coming down on her simply for breathing.

Her hands move without her really being aware of what she's doing, just sort of working on autopilot. Clicks off the safety, runs her finger over the trigger guard, readjusts her grip. The longer that she holds onto the weapon, the heavier it seems to grow, the dull ache that's blooming on her right shoulder blade evident of that much. Even though they're trembling, her hands, she somehow works her way through it, before she just... stares down at the gun in her grasp.

Anything really, to distract from the man sitting in the chair right in front of her.

Haerin doesn't know his name, who he is, what he does, what he'd done that warranted him being strapped up at this hour in this very basement, yet it's expected of her to kill him anyway.

"C'mon," Minji's voice is a gentle, muffled lilt, sounding far off, like she's hundreds of feet underwater. Haerin feels as though she might be too. "Then we can go home."

That changes Haerin's mindset the slightest bit. All she has to do is this, all she has to do is aim, and pull the trigger, and then she can go home, wherever that may be, and sleep. That's all she has to do, and then this nightmarish day can have some sort of closure.

In fact, now that she thinks of it, this man is part of the reason that a day as already horrible as today has to end on such a sour note. Whatever selfish, greedy, self-centered decisions he'd made had led to her being in such a situation.

It's his fault that she's being forced to feel like this now. She could be home right now, but she's not. All because of him.

Haerin brings her gaze up and looks to Minji first. She's sitting by Yunjin, on top of the table, palms either side of her with her legs crossed. In the dim lighting, she's practically nothing more than a faint outline, thanks to her usual dark attire and even darker hair. Her gaze meets with Haerin's when Haerin looks up, and although her visage is practically poker-straight, something about it is urging. Urging Haerin to do it.

Haerin returns her gaze to the man. The congealed blood on his face is practically black in the dark, but it has a sticky sheen to it that makes Haerin's stomach churn. He's letting out these dull, quiet groans, his head lolling into his chest, and she was right before when she'd thought that he wasn't fully conscious. In fact, he looks as though he's on the brink of unconsciousness, which will make Haerin's job a lot easier.

She pauses.

Thinks.

She feels sick to the stomach all over again.

God, this is her talking about fucking killing someone.

Shaking her head rapidly, she bites down on her tongue, but instantly regrets it when it brings on that pounding migraine again. She fumbles with the gun, slippery with the sweat perspiring from her palms, cursing with gibberish, incoherent mumbles under her breath. She manages to hold it straight out in front of her, although her hands still shake uncontrollably, and she dampens her lips, throat so dry it's like she'd swallowed an entire mouthful of sand.

She can do this, she can do this.

Just has to pull the trigger, and this day will finally have some sort of fucking closure.

Yet even so, her finger won't move. She tries to, but it just won't. She's still shaking spasmodically like she's having a fit, and her lips only tremble when she tries to press them together, but other than that she can't move. Frozen, stuck to the spot.

In the corner of her vision, she sees Minji sit up a little straighter. Haerin doesn't know what she's moving for, doesn't know if it's to encourage her, to move her on, to tell her to step aside, but whatever it is, the movement alone is like a slap in the face. Because, she doesn't want Minji to think she can't do this.

She can. She can she can she can she can. No matter—no matter how many people doubt her, whether they be in this room or back at the station, she can do this.

She has to prove herself.

Haerin looks at the man one last time, limp like a rag doll and practically lifeless as it is, blood caked into his skin and crusting on his lips like barnacles on a rock. Although it feels as though she's pulling her finger through thick mud, she manages to move it from the trigger guard to the actual trigger itself.

She inhales sharply, and without meaning to, she screws her eyes shut.

She pulls on the trigger, hard.

The sound of the bullet escaping the chamber is a roaring cacophony in her ears, ripping through the air for nothing but a fraction of a second before it's followed by a dull thunk.

Jolting back to reality, Haerin blinks rapidly, her eyesight once more taking a couple seconds to come into focus.

Then, come the screams.

The sound is practically as loud as the gunshot itself, the man jarring back to life with blown eyes and an unnaturally hinged jaw. His screams are guttural, animalistic and violent, grating from deep in his throat. He thrashes uselessly against his restraints, his breaths rapid and irregular in between his anguished cries.

Somewhere in the back of Haerin's mind, she thinks this isn't right. No, he shouldn't be screaming. Dead people can't scream.

Ah.

She'd missed.

Instead of his chest, like she'd been aiming for, Haerin had shot him in the thigh. Blood that seems to run the colour black is completely soaked into his clothes, so saturated it spills out onto the chair he's strapped to, running onto the floor in soft, gentle drips. A faint mist of the liquid wafts into the air, the smell of it pungent after mere seconds, sharp on the tongue and harsh to the nose.

And Haerin-

Haerin just watches. Watches as he writhes and swallows down air in gulps like he's starved for it, as he begins to convulse and his skin whitens to the shade of paper.

She isn't really too sure if she feels anything at all.

Minji makes a move again, standing up for real this time, and now Haerin makes no move against it. In between the man's noises, her footsteps echo off the walls, sharp sounds that cut through the threadbare moments of silence. She doesn't lean too close to the man, but just enough to inspect the wound, humming to herself and nodding her head. "She got him in the thigh," she speaks to Yunjin, voice quiet, a little fatigued. "Probably got the artery, I'd say he's got about ten minutes,"

Ten minutes. That's really not all that long to live.

Haerin wonders what she'd do if she only had ten minutes left to live. If you'd asked her a couple months ago, she would've known exactly who'd she'd go to, and would probably have had a fair idea what she'd say to them given the chance. Now, she's not all that sure.

Minji's still speaking to Yunjin. "Can you take care of the rest?"

Yunjin nods, standing up slowly. "Gladly," her smile isn't wide, or teasing or scornful. Just kind of soft. Haerin can't tell if she means it or not.

Minji turns around then, to look at Haerin. Haerin can't tell exactly what she's thinking, even when she comes close towards her. Gently, Minji reaches out, and with a touch much too gentle, much too soft, she uncurls Haerin's fingers from around the gun's grip, taking it off her.

Haerin just keeps looking at her. She thinks it might be her daze, but maybe... maybe something about Minji looks a little sad too.

Minji smiles at her, but really, it's just her pressing her lips together, eyebrows furrowed together.

"Let's get going, hm?"

---

Water droplets drip from Haerin's face and into the bowl of the sink, tinkling, delicate plops that tap out an irregular rhythm. Haerin just stares into it, the bowl, the endless white, almost becoming a little dizzy. She squeezes her eyes when it gets too much, just as her vision begins to darken around the edges, and gives her head a little shake. She blindly reaches for the cloth hung by the radiator, and pats gently at her face to dry it. The sounds of the water droplets cease, and she's plunged into silence once again.

Heaving a sigh, Haerin grips onto the edges of the bowl to support herself, rising on her toes and then lowering herself again. It's beyond late at this stage, sunrise is probably in just a couple hours, and to be honest she looks like it. The rings beneath her eyes are hollow, appearing even darker than they actually are in the dim lighting. Her eyes themselves are bloodshot, hence the dim lighting in the first place - she just wasn't able to handle anything else, fearing that that migraine from before would make another appearance. Overall, her face and body are drooped, slouched, like melted candle wax, and it's a good thing she came in here to splash some water in her face or else she really would've just fallen asleep the moment she came home, dress still on and everything.

Haerin still doesn't really know what she's feeling.

She'd anticipated guilt, first off. She'd anticipated it to be overwhelming, so much so it's what caused her to freeze up with her finger on the trigger.

But, no.

She blinks at her reflection. Sagged, tired face, but inexpressive all the same.

She isn't really feeling much at all.

Numb.

"Haerin-ie?"

Minji's voice comes from the girl's own room, a little far off, a little muffled. Driving back here from the autoshop had been completely silent, although even just by looking at Minji Haerin could tell that her thoughts were anything but that. Her features were constantly scrunching up, jolting her head to the side, drumming her fingers into the steering wheel. Once they'd made it into the apartment, Minji had mumbled a soft "good night.", while not making exactly direct eye contact with her, before heading off to her own room.

Obviously something wasn't right with her, but Haerin was just too drowsy to really think much about it.

Part of her thinks about pretending that she simply hadn't heard Minji and just pretending to be asleep already. She would be, had she not somehow mustered up the energy to somehow clean herself up a bit first. But, curiosity gets the better of her, and she curses softly under her breath, palming at her forehead. She makes her way over to Minjii's room, bare feet padding silently on the wooden flooring, gently knocking twice before pushing the door open.

Minji's lying on her bed, the coloured lighting spilling in from outside washing over her softly, and Haerin thinks for a moment that she looks a lot younger. Or maybe younger is the wrong word, she probably looks a lot more what people in their early twenties should look like, though what exactly that is is becoming increasingly difficult to remember.

She looks at Haerin, stood in the doorway, and Haerin sees her face soften just the slightest bit. It kind of makes Haerin want to cry, but she really isn't all too sure she's got the energy. Even standing on her two feet now, she can feel herself sway, the way her eyelids have become heavier and are fighting to stay open.

Minji opens one arm slowly, invitingly, and she looks just as exhausted as Haerin feels. She gestures her forward with her chin, the smallest upturn of her lips. "C'mere,"

And Haerin's too tired, too mind-numb to question herself, to question Minji, shit, to even think about anything at all. She pads across the room, watching as it shifts and rocks back and forth like she's on a ship, before her knees come into contact with the edge of the bed and she lowers herself. She blinks drowsily, wishing the static noise and the blaring in her ears would cease as she settles in Minji's arms in a way that feels all too natural, so gut-wrenchingly terrifying that Haerin noses at her neck to get closer to her.

She breathes in, slowly and shakily. She's holding onto Minji tight, much too tightly, but she doesn't care. Hardly registers it, even.

"Are you okay?" Is what she thinks Minji asks her, can't exactly hear over the noises blaring inside her head.

She's too hot, uncomfortably so. She can feel the sweat gathering on the back of her neck, beading, dripping down her back. The heat winds its way around her neck, presses down mockingly.

No, she's not fucking okay.

She dampens her lips, screwing her eyes shut and only clings onto Minji tighter. She can feel her nails digging into her skin. Tears don't come, none at all, yet there's something in her throat that's threatening to tear free, something that feels like a sob, so she clamps her lips shut. All she can manage is a shake of her head, and no matter how hot she is she finds herself curling into Minji even more.

"Haerin-ie," Minji's voice is soft, much too soft, too unlike everything that she was just and hour ago, unlike everything that she was always supposed to be. Her arms are wrapped around Haerin as a response, her touch cool in comparison to the searing heat that bubbles beneath Haerin's skin. Her thumb brushes over the back of Haerin's neck soothingly. "Haerin-ie," she repeats, even more tender this time. "Please,"

Haerin doesn't know what exactly it is that Minji's asking her for, yet even amidst her panicked daze she knows for a fact that she won't be able to help her with it.

"Mmh?"

Haerin can feel Minji's sigh. Can feel the way her shoulders rise and fall. "I'm so sorry,"

Oh.

No, wait.

At that, Haerin pulls away just slightly, more out of shock than anything else. She blinks. Surely she's gone mad now. Surely, this night has taken such a toll on her and now her brain is desperately trying to find her some sort of comfort. "...what?"

"I'm sorry," Minji repeats, and it's genuine. "I shouldn't have... I don't know why I made you do that,"

Haerin's just confused now. She keeps shaking her head, slow, her frown deepening. "No," it's the first word that comes into her head, and before she even knows what's happening it's tumbling past her lips. "No, I- why are you sorry, if, if anything it should be me who-"

"No, no, please ," there's a strain to Minji's voice, one that Haerin's never heard before, and it causes her to startle. Something within her begins to grow unsteady, a bit panicky, because Minji is always in control, she's always calm and always knows what to do, so seeing her now like this is almost unsettling. " Please don't say you're sorry, you've done nothing wrong. You've always done so good, and-"

Haerin's never seen Minji ramble before. She's thought about it before, Minji isn't exactly a person of many words, and whenever she does speak it's not hard to tell that she's thought about her words beforehand.

"...but you-" Minji's eyes flick down to Haerin's hands, which prompts Haerin to do the same.

Of course her hands are shaking.

Minji takes both of them in her hold, bringing them between them like she's done before. "I hate that you shake, like this," Minji's voice wavers, unsteady. "I hate that you're scared of me,"

Haerin wants to deny it, wants to open up her mouth and reassure her that she's not, that it's only one of many reasons why she finds herself like this, but she can't.

Even if she did, Haerin would be lying. And she's so fucking sick of lying. 

Minji sighs again, and her grip on Haerin's hands loosens the smallest amount for it to be noticeable. "It's my fault though," she mumbles it quietly, words slightly slurred, like she hadn't even meant to say them aloud.

Words fail Haerin again, so she finally reciprocates Minji's touch. She holds her hands back, interlacing their fingers, and shakes her head. She looks at her imploringly, hoping that at least a look will be able to convey what she means where her words can't.

Minji just ignores her, shaking her head. "No, it is. You don't-" she cuts herself off again, closing her eyes.

Haerin waits for her, remains patient. She feels a little guilty. Minji's clearly been hurting, for how long Haerin doesn't know, but she's been so wrapped up in own little situation that she hasn't taken any notice of it at all.

Minji swallows, eyes darting around minutely before settling on Haerin's face. "Can I be honest with you? Like, really honest,"

The question comes out of nowhere, leaving Haerin slightly taken aback. She doesn't know what Minji's going to say or if she can really handle it right now, but the girl seems to be in such a tender state that Haerin finds herself nodding.

"You asked me... shit, like, months ago, why I first let you in,"

Haerin's stomach drops.

"And I told you that it was because of your drive, your attitude. And I didn't lie, they were positive factors," she dampens her lips, hesitating. "But... god, it sounds so shit saying aloud," she lets out this forced kind of a laugh that sounds horrible on Haerin's ears, and the sound of it ceases just as fast as the sour upturn of her lips. "But before you showed up at that race that time... I was just sort of... bored,"

Haerin tilts her head. It's not the worst sounding reason, to be honest she'd imagined a lot worse.

When it fails to get much of a reaction out of her, Minji shakes her head. "No, it- I plunged you into everything head first. Shit, was it like, the second day I brought you to The Cookie? When I knew you thought we were just a racing group,"

An image is slowly starting to take shape in Haerin's head. She thinks she gets it now.

"I was bored," Minji's voice has gone flat. "I was bored, and then you came along, completely oblivious and totally unaware. And I wanted to see just how quickly I could get you to break,"

Yeah, Haerin was right.

And the funny thing is, that's sort of her goal too. They were both trying to ruin each other right from the very start. Except Minji's now speaking in the past tense, and Haerin-

Haerin has no idea where she even stands anymore.

"Which I know sounds awful-" Minji's still continuing on, but Haerin manages to get her shit together and cut across her.

"You didn't know me back then," her voice is croaky, and it hurts, but she pushes through. "And I didn't know you. It's okay,"

Minji looks at her doubtfully. "But it was maybe... I think it was the night the police came to that race," the tips of her ears ripen the slightest amount. "And- like up until that point everything just seemed like a sort of a chore? And I know it was a bit hectic, but... that night was sort of fun. Like I enjoyed myself. But it wasn't because it was at your expense, it was just because you were there,"

And like before, Haerin believes that Minji means it. Which only makes everything harder to bear.

Oh, Haerin would scream if she really could.

She wants to be honest with Minji, about everything. Why she's here, how she feels, but she can't and it's driving her insane. She can't even begin to imagine what it would look like now if she were to ever be found out, before when she pictured it all she could see was her own suffering, but now...

Now she thinks that Minji might end up hurt as well, if what she's saying is the truth.

Haerin has so many options layed out in front of her, but none of them end up with everyone ending up happy as a result. She can run around headless all she likes but at the end of the day, no matter what choice she makes, someone is going to end up getting hurt.

She doesn't voice any of this. How could she, really. All she does is lean back into Minji again, letting herself fall back into her usual false pretence. "Thank you," she mumbles into her skin. "For telling me,"

They dip into silence, and Haerin likes it. Her brain is much too overwhelmed to process anything at the moment, and while they usually suffocate her, they're drowned out by the sound of Minji's pulse. Haerin counts it out, the regular rhythm, lets her eyes fall shut even though she knows she should go back into her own room, for her own sake.

But she's never had Minji like this before, ever. Doesn't know when she'll ever get her like this again, if she ever will. So, she stays wrapped up in her, their hands linked tightly together, and falls back to the mindset that the both of them are here, like this, under completely normal circumstances.

"I got up to stop you," Minji breaks the silence with a murmur, sounding as though she's on the brink of sleep. "But the moment I got up, you shot,"

"Oh," it's all Haerin can manage, opening one eye to see that both of Minji's are closed. So that's what that had been. "I thought... I thought that you were thinking that I couldn't do it. Because I was taking so long,"

One corner of Minji's lips rises, just a small bit. "You really don't like that, do you? When people don't think you can do something,"

Haerin's shoulders dip, letting out a soft sigh. "I suppose," she admits. "I always try to make sure that people know I'm capable. Sometimes..." the words feel weird coming out of her throat. She's always pondered over them inside her head, but she doesn't think she's ever voiced them before. "Sometimes I feel that if I don't, then- then maybe I'm not capable," she pauses, frowning to herself at her choice of words. "Does that even make sense?"

"No, it does," Minji responds reassuringly. "You don't, though, have to prove yourself,"

Haerin doesn't reply, doesn't have the words to.

"You don't owe anyone anything,"

Haerin thinks about her words, for a few moments. Maybe for a while. Maybe for so long, that Minji has fallen asleep.

She whispers under her breath, and she'll never really know if Minji heard her or not.

"Neither do you,"

---

The following weeks stumble along, and Haerin hasn't decided whether or not to tell Sakura about what she heard when having dinner with Minji and the superintendent.

Sometimes she forgets about it entirely, or, pushes it to the back of her mind rather. It's not exactly an easy pill to swallow, and Haerin doesn't know how she'd break it to her, to any of the others, that everything they've gone through up until this point relating to Minji has been totally worthless. Even the first detective who'd gone in, had been a complete and utter waste of time. Not to mention, a member of their staff had been lost.

Sakura's a hard worker. They all are, Haerin doesn't deny that, but Sakura particularly. She puts her everything into the station despite the lack of product that comes with her efforts, but that's never seemed to slow her down. She always keeps them motivated no matter how difficult or impossible things seem, so telling her that she's chasing her own tail... Haerin doesn't think she'd be able to handle being the bearer of bad news.

Besides, she hasn't contacted them since her last call with them anyways, and that was weeks ago. When she'd hung up on them out of anger because they'd known that the previous detective wasn't on their side anymore, but they'd sent Haerin in to get her anyways.

God, if only they'd known how fucked the operation really was, if any of them had known.

So while guilt grows and grows inside Haerin, for not contacting them, for not letting them know just how big of an issue this is, she suppresses it.

Along with the fact that she doesn't even really need to be here anymore.

She doesn't, not really. Her whole purpose is to bring Minji's slowly expanding empire come crashing down from the inside out. It's impossible for her to do that, with Minji literally being unable to be convicted of any crime whatsoever, regardless of whether or not she's caught. So, Haerin continues on this little act of hers, that she didn't show up with the aim of bringing Minji down, and that she will be able to continue on as such.

But as much as she suppresses all this guilt, it doesn't stop it from growing.

It does become easier to act as though it isn't, however. Her and Minji slowly but surely fall back into their usual routine with one another, though the dynamic has shifted slightly. Haerin's more comfortable around her than she ever was before, and instead of now only seeing Minji in this work-focused state, she begins to see this tender side of her more and more often. It's usually only ever when it's just the two of them, because Haerin supposes that she does have a bit of a reputation to hold up around the others, but in the evenings when the night is hazy and the city is drowsy Haerin finds it all too easy to melt into her touch.

Minji touches her differently compared to before. Like she's something delicate, something breakable. It makes Haerin feel lightheaded, a little giddy, and sometimes she catches herself smiling like a child at the simplest of actions.

Yet like always, there's undertones of sadness laced beneath everything else.

Haerin won't be able to have Minji like this forever, not really. It's not like they're- shit, it's not like they're going to be able to grow old together or some sort of bullshit like that. There's no way that she can continue loving Minji like this with everything else that looms over her head, it's mouth vast and gaping wide, it's jaw unhinged and ready to snap.

Ah, that's another thing.

Haerin is in love.

And if Minji notices (Haerin knows she does), how her tears seep into her shirt the night it finally hits her, then she doesn't say anything. 

---

"Oh no, I'm so disappointed," Yunjin's voice is practically dripping with sarcasm, her words drowned out by the loud, heavy music that reverberates around them, as she picks up the glass that Dani had thrown the makeshift "ping pong ball" into (and by ping pong ball, Haerin means the receipt that they'd used to pay for all these drinks to start up this game of beer pong, because Dani and Yunjin's competitive streaks follow them wherever they go, apparently. Except, it's not actually beer in the glasses, Haerin doesn't know what it is exactly, but since Yunjin had ordered the lot of them she's staying well clear.)

Yunjin picks out the soggy receipt and downs the glass quickly, face scrunched up before letting out a sigh that's both a mixture of relief and satisfaction. She peeks back inside, squinting one of her eyes. "Oh? There's still a drop left, where's the birthday girl?"

Hanni's face scrunches up in unabashed disgust, leaning back from where she's perched on her stool. "After you drank from it? Absolutely fucking not, you are vile -"

"No, it tastes really good, I promise!" Yunjin gives her a lopsided grin, holding up the drink for Hanni to see and making her way over to her in her drunken stupor, causing Hanni to have to get off her stool, a mixture of horror and repulsion on her features.

"I already said no - get away from me you're going to fuck up my dress!"

Haerin watches, clutching her stomach with her laughter as Hanni shrieks, practically running away from Yunjin as she's chased, neither of them going particularly fast considering the fact that none of them are exactly sober. It's Hanni's birthday, and her, Haerin herself, Yunjin, Kazuha, Dani and Minji had all gone out for food earlier on the evening, before arriving at the club they're in now. Haerin had assumed when Minji had mentioned the plan to her that they'd probably go to the second ring, maybe the third ring at most.

But, no. They'd gone past the second ring, past the third, all the way into The Centre.

Haerin had stared at Minji, open mouthed once it had clicked with her, to which Minji had laughed at her, placing a finger on her own lips. "You can't act like that, you have to play it cool, you'll lose all your credibility," she'd joked, yet despite it Haerin wasn't able to do anything else other than stare, starry-eyed and completely aghast.

And to think she'd been blown away the first time she'd went to the second ring.

The Centre is nothing if not totally above and beyond any expectations Haerin had of it. It's like something she'd see on TV; skyscrapers that climb high into the air, so far up that she has to arch her back to see the back of them, their floor-to-ceiling window panes reflecting the glowing lights of the city. It's bright and alive for a Saturday night, everyone dressed in such a gorgeous, classy sort of a way that Haerin really does feel as though she's in a movie.

They have dinner in a restaurant, with marbled meat that sizzles as it cooks on the barbeque in the middle of the table in front of them, the smell of it alone enough to make her mouth water. It's comfortable, with everyone, and although it takes her a bit of time to get used to the opulence of the place, to the waiters coming over and smiling at them instead of just someone yelling from the kitchen, Haerin enjoys herself. Immensely. It just sort of feels like going out and getting food with friends, which, she supposes she is, but everything just feels so natural that it brings her this delightful buzz that hums beneath her skin. They'd drunk just enough at the restaurant for their cheeks to flush, and when the waiter brings out a cake that they'd organised previously Hanni's entire face burned the colour of her namesake, glaring as Yunjin led a very loud, very off-key version of happy birthday.

After that, they'd somehow successfully made their way to the club that they're in now. It's been much too easy for Haerin to have the drinks coming (she lives with Minji, sue her), but it's Hanni's birthday so she allows herself to let loose a little, even if it's not exactly a once-off occasion.

Hyein hadn't come with them, Haerin also takes note of.

Her not coming to the club is fine, Haerin gets that, hell, Yunjin would throw a fit if she were to even poke a toe past the doors of The Cookie. But getting food with them should've been fine, even if they'd all gone out on a different night or something.

The more Haerin thinks about it, and the more she tries to make reason out of it, the more she begins to realise how little she's seen of Hyein recently.

Sure, she'll see her at the autoshop from time to time, but even then it's only glimpses of her. She never seems to hang around longer than necessary, quieter than she was before. Haerin doesn't think she's sustained a conversation with her that's lasted longer than a couple of sentences, and she doesn't even remember the last time she showed up at Minji's flat unannounced, considering the fact that she used to do it so frequently.

She could ask Minji about it, but definitely not now, the atmosphere between the entire group is too lively, too happy overall for her to spoil it with something that probably isn't even much of an issue to begin with. Hyein's just a teenager after all, and Haerin thinks that compared to what she herself was like as a teenager, Hyein's not doing so bad at all.

She's ripped from her own thoughts when someone sits down in the stool next to her, the one Hanni had left vacant in favour of screaming bloody murder, causing her to give a start. She blinks, vision a blur of neon strobes, and sees that a man has decided to sit himself right next to her.

Haerin bites back a dry smile. Lovely to see that even across the rings, a total lack of awareness can still be maintained.

Minji, who's sitting on the other side of her, leans forward with a frown on her face. The movement is a little jolted. "Can we help you?"

The man ignores her, instead smiling at Haerin thinly. He's not old, but definitely a fair bit older than they are, and the only difference between him and the guys in the clubs in The Outskirts is that he's dressed a whole lot smarter. "You can,"

Haerin feigns retching, face scrunching up, and she can see in her peripherals that Minji's reaction isn't much different. "Nuh-uh," she reaches out and takes ahold of Haerin's hand, the one closest to her, and tugs it into her lap. "Occupied. Move along,"

The smile on the man's thin, greased lips falls slightly, but when he makes no signs of moving away from them, Minji just leans forward again, making a dismissive gesture with a few rapid flicks of her wrist. "Shoo,"

At that, Haerin can't help it when she bursts into laughter. It really isn't all that funny but it just sounds ridiculous, and she covers her mouth with her hand, tipping her head back.

"But-"

"Shoo!" Minji just repeats herself, louder this time, Haerin able to hear the way her own laughter trickles in at the end of the word. It's a bizarre tactic that Haerin will have to keep noted, because somehow, the man gets up and leave them alone, mumbling something under his breath that sounds a lot like "Crazy bitches,"

Haerin has to agree with him, honestly.

By this point, Minji has burst into laughter too, resting her forehead on Haerin's shoulder, her shoulders shaking and still holding onto her hand.

Haerin takes her hand away from her mouth to move away her hair from her face, looking at Minji with awe. " Shoo? " she exclaims incredulously, Minji shaking her head almost as if to say that she has no clue either. "What did you think he was, a dog?"

"I mean might as well have been, bitch," Minji snorts, moving her head away, clearing her throat like it'll rid herself of her giggles. "Oh, god, that wasn't even funny at all," a pause, and then, "I hate men,"

Haerin scoffs, seizing a chance to provoke her. "You just hated that he hit on me instead of you,"

Minji gives her an unimpressed look, lip curled. "Oh, yeah," she rolls her eyes, hooking one leg over the other. "That's what I was jealous of,"

"Oh?" Haerin bites her tongue between her teeth, leaning that extra bit forward. "Please, do elaborate,"

Instead of replying with a snide remark like Haerin had been anticipating, Minji responds with a sneaky, totally sudden bite to Haerin's shoulder, which makes Haerin let out a small, high-pitched yelp that's thankfully covered up by the loud music. "You're a fucking menace, you," it's playful, of course.

Haerin can't help but think that she likes this side of Minji so much.

She watches as the older downs the rest of her drink, before putting it back on the bar with a sense of finality. She hops off her stool, gesturing for Haerin to follow her. "C'mon,"

Haerin's brain is a bit slow. "Where're we going?"

Minji rolls her eyes. "Dancing, Haerin-ie ,"

"Oh," Haerin splutters a bit, feeling a bit stupid. "That... that would make sense,"

Minji raises a brow at her. "Unless you'd rather I'd bring your friend from earlier back over-"

" No ," Haerin quickly follows suit by getting down off her stool, making Minji laugh. "No no no, dancing is fine,"

---

"So what if I told you-" Minji's practically yelling at her over the music, and in her drunken daze and the pleasant buzz that's pumping through her, Haerin can do nothing but throw her head back and laugh, tightening her arms around Minji's neck.

Minji interrupts herself to scold her, she says something but Haerin doesn't quite catch it. She does however, feel it when Minji lightly bites her again, making her squirm and laugh even more. Minji's trying to look annoyed at her, but Haerin can see the way her lips twitch and her chin trembles, and overall she's really not doing a great job.

Feeling a little bad, Haerin forces herself to calm down, straightening out her face as best she can and mouthing a quick sorry.

Minji rolls her eyes, but it's playful. Without warning, she pulls Haerin closer by her waist so that they're pressed flush together, eye to eye, and if Haerin were to tilt her head slightly to the side their noses would bump. The sudden action takes her totally by surprise, but she manages to take it in her stride. Definitely not something she would've been able to do before, but now she smiles a little challengingly, noticing the way Minji reciprocates with a similar look.

She leans forward, yet to the side, so that her lips are right by Haerin's ear, and all of Haerin's sudden confidence drains completely when she feels Minji's breath on her skin.

"What if maybe I want to be the only one that's able to look at you like that?"

Haerin blinks a couple times, running Minji's words over in her head again just to make sure she'd understood them correctly. "You mean... you mean how that guy was earlier?"

Minji hums, the sound completely audible right by Haerin's ear.

"The one who was hitting on me,"

Another hum.

Haerin thinks she might ask another question just so that she can hear it one more time, but instead, she pushes Minji back by her shoulder lightly, so that they're eye to eye again, their gazes locked.

Minji's always the one who initiates things between them. Just because Haerin isn't really brave enough most of the time, or whenever she thinks about it she ends up psyching herself out.

But she doesn't have much of a better reply now.

Tentatively, she threads her fingers through the hair at the back of Minji's head, and tugs her down slightly so that their lips meet.

She thinks she takes Minji by surprise, making her laugh against her lips, because she takes a moment to respond. And even though Haerin feels so hot she can feel her hair sticking to the back of her neck, her forehead, she winds herself around Minji tighter, closer, until there's nothing at all between them.

Apart from the very first time, they've never kissed with other people around before.

And even though Haerin doesn't give an outright response to what Minji had said, she hopes that for now, this will suffice. 

---

"Haerin!"

"Yeah?" Haerin yells back down to the storage room to Kazuha who'd called her, giving Yunjin a lift of her hand as she leaves for The Cookie for the night.

"Come help me with these boxes, I'm not-" an annoyed grunt. "I'm not tall enough!"

Haerin laughs quietly to herself, but stands up regardless. "I'm really not much taller than you," she opens the door to the storage room to see Kazuha stood on her toes next to one of the shelves. She's trying to reach the box of the top shelf, but to no avail. "This one," she huffs out, standing flat-footed again and crossing her arms. "Just can't get it,"

Laughing, Haerin stands on her toes, fingertips brushing the underside of the box, but just not quite enough to get it to move. "Fuck, that's annoying," she speaks through a grunt, lowering herself before trying again. "I'd love to be even just a bit taller. Hyein has no idea how good she's got it,"

Behind her, Kazuha laughs. "Rather be this height than really short though," she counters. "I had a friend who was, she could hardly reach anything,"

Haerin just hums along. She's nearly just about able to reach this box, more focused on that than anything else to be honest.

Then, Kazuha's speaking again. "Winter, that was her name. I miss her, kind of,"

Unable to stop herself, Haerin freezes.

All at once, her stomach completely drops like she's dipped on a rollercoaster, her heart picking up its pace rapidly inside her chest. In her peripherals, she sees that Kazuha has come to stand next to her, looking at her.

Haerin just blinks.

Kazuha knows Winter.

She turns to her sharply. "You-"

All at once, Kazuha's face completely lights up, and she quickly darts over to the door, closing it, turning back around to face Haerin again.

"They sent you in," Kazuha's tone is giddy, bubbly with excitement, yet speaking under her breath even though it's only the two of them. "Sakura and the others. You're a detective, aren't you?"

Haerin just blinks at her, a total mess of emotions coming over her. Fear, first off, because just like that, everything she's been hiding up until now has been spoken aloud.

Kazuha must sense it, because she quickly places her hands on Haerin's shoulders, shaking her head rapidly. "No no no, shit, sorry, that must've frightened you. It's okay, you're okay," she places her palm on her chest. "I- I am too," she gives her head a sharp shake. "I mean, no one knows, obviously, but..." she trails off, in favour of grinning ear to ear. "Oh my god, I'm so relieved,"

Haerin hesitates, her mind sluggish, not able to catch up with everything. "You really..."

Kazuha nods sincerely. "Swear on my heart. I know everyone in there, I mean there's Sakura-unnie, Winter, Sullyoon," she pauses. "Chaewon-unnie too," she palms at her forehead. "I just can't believe that you-"

Haerin just stares, covering her open mouth with her hand.

Despite all of her prior beliefs... Kazuha is still very much on the station's side. Kazuha is on her side, she... god, to think that all this time-

"Oh, thank fuck ," Haerin lets out a slow sigh, covering her face with her hands, feeling that all-too familiar lump growing in her throat. "You've no idea how long I, well I mean you do , but for so long I've just felt totally isolated-"

"No no, I get you, I get you," Kazuha's grip tightens on her shoulder. "They sent you in because I haven't contacted them in so long, shit," her gaze all of a sudden turns pitiful. "Fuck, Haerin-"

"No," Haerin shakes her head. "No, I- I promise you it's fine. I used to not understand how you couldn't contact them, but I get it now," she rubs her forearm sheepishly. "With Minji funding the station, this entire operation is pointless as it is, I mean I... " she trails off, face scrunching up like she'd tasted something sour. "I haven't contacted Sakura and the others in weeks, I was so sure that you- or well, whoever was sent in, had been compromised,"

Kazuha just stares at her. "So they actually didn't tell you who I was?"

Haerin shakes her head. "They said at the time that they didn't want me to be distracted, but that turned out to be only part of it. They all thought that you'd been compromised too,"

At that, Kazuha's face falls. While she looks defeated, a part of her appears as though she understands where they'd come from. She nods slowly. "I've... I've wanted to get out of here for so long, now, but I'm just so..." she looks like she's struggling to find the right words. "Just so caught up in everything. I mean I'm with Yunjin now, apparently, like I got in here through her recommendation to Minji. I couldn't just up and leave her, like not because I'm attached or anything, but they'd fucking, like, wonder where I am, for fuck's sake. They'd come looking for me," she sighs, then she's smiling again. "But- but at least it's not just me anymore,"

"Yeah, I just... wow," Haerin takes a step back, trying to take everything in. "Just give me a second here I've sort of got an adrenaline rush," she turns around, walks a few paces while shaking out her hands, breathing out slowly through pursed lips. She doesn't think she's quite comprehended it yet, she... like Kazuja is the other detective, and she's still on their side. All this time it's been sitting in the back of her mind who it could be, who amongst everyone has gone through what she's had to experience, even though she's tried not to-

Softly, quietly, with a noise so faint Haerin only just about hears it, a gentle click slices through the silence.

Haerin tenses.

She knows that sound. Countless memories wash over her like a dam had been opened, too fast and too heavy for her to contemplate.

She turns around, and Kazuha's got a gun aimed at her forehead.

Haerin just stares. Shakes her head. No, no no no- "Kazuha-ah-"

"Not even listening," Kazuha drones over her, cutting her off. "You're so fucking dumb, you know that?" She raises her chin. "Hands on your head,"

Haerin bites down on her tongue, hard, but complies with what kazuha asks of her. Her adrenaline has kicked in again, pumping thick through her veins as her brain searches desperately for a way out of this situation. "So what, you're not the detective after all?"

Kazuha scowls at her. "I was ," she corrects her. "You fucking said it yourself, the operation was fucked right from the start. What are you still even doing here?"

"What are you doing here? You're just as fucked as I am," Haerin throws the question back to her. The more Kazuha's talking, the less shooting she's doing. Haerin's completely working on her feet here, her thoughts going into overdrive, scrambling to just think of something.

"Me?" Kazuha only laughs at her. "You're supposed to be smart. I want to be here," she tilts her head. "I've got money, I've got control, I've got stability," she purses her lips, then they quirk. "Yunjin too, I suppose,"

Haerin raises a brow at her. "Oh, so are actually with her,"

Kazuha scoffs. "Of course I am. Not even I'm that good an actress," she pauses, eyes flicking down, then back up again. "You were pretty good though. You just made one tiny mistake," she points to the gun in her hand, and Haerin narrows her eyes, peering at it closer. Kazuha gives something a gentle flick, and Haerin's eyes pick up on a flash of neon orange, blocked from her view behind the grip. "The safety tab," KAzuha says, looking back at her again. "You remember these, don't you? The guns they use only in the station?"

It takes Haerin a moment or two to connect the dots, but then-

Shit.

The night she'd met the superintendent. Kazuha had been the one to give the gun to Minji.

Kazuha must see it on her face, because she hums. "Yeah, remember now? This one's mine, I brought it with me when I first came. You didn't even think about it. Did it like it was a second nature," she purses her lips again. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt, you weren't exactly in your right state of mind. But watching you these past couple weeks... the more apparent it's become," she grins, something about it bone chilling. "You don't belong here,"

Haerin grits her teeth, taking a step back when Kazuha takes a step forward. Her back comes into contact with the rigid metal shelves, making her grimace.

Then, an idea forms in her head. It's a shitty idea, with a solid twenter percent success rate she'd say, but she's not exactly able to pick from a lot of options at the moment.

"So what're you gonna do?" Haerin asks her, voice provoking, challenging. "You really think Minji's going to believe you over me? When you've got no proof at all?"

Kazuha looks at her with disgust. "You think I'm fucking dumb?" she reaches into her back pocket, and takes out her phone. Looking at the screen, Haerin instantly recognises that it's an audio recording, making her curse. Well, that's as good evidence as any. Kazuha doesn't need to explain herself, just pockets the phone again. "And you really think Minji would believe you over me?" she asks. "Like I said before, I've got Yunjin. And Minji would trust Yunjin with her life. Yunjin trusts me, Minji trusts Yunjin," she shrugs, like it's simple. "Do you think that Minji would believe you over Yunjin?"

Shit, kazuha's seriously got a point. No matter how much Haerin may think that Minji likes her, Yunjin and Minji have been through thick and thin together. There's no way she can compete with that.

But, having Kazuha explain all that had given her enough time to - quite literally - gain her footing. Kazuha catches her too late, blinking down at the foot that Haerin's planted on the second shelf next to her. "What're you-"

Whatever she was saying is drowned out by the shelves coming toppling down. Not directly on top of them, but the contents spill everywhere, starting with the box that they'd been trying to get down earlier. As an instinct, Kazuha covers her head with her arms to protect herself, and while the box falling on top of her doesn't do her much harm at all, she's distracted, and Haerin's first aim is to disarm her.

While Kazuha is dazed, Haerin reaches out to grab her, taking the gun in her hold and wrenching it free from Kazuha's grasp. With all the force used, it ends up going flying, skittering across the floor.

Shit.

Kazuha's screaming in her ear, cursing and kicking as they grapple with one another, and it doesn't make concentrating any easier. "What do you expect to do, huh?" her nose is bleeding, Haerin notices when Kazuha brings her head up to look at her, gasping in a breath. "You're fucked. No matter what you do, it's over. Just fucking- give up!"

Haerin doesn't reply, instead letting out a grunt as she pushes kazuha off of her, the other girl stumbling and wiping at her nose with the back of her sleeve. She looks around wildly for the gun that had been taken off of her, and sees it at the same time that Haerin does, in the back corner on the opposite side of the room.

Kazuha's closer to it than her, Haerin hasn't got a hope.

While Kazuha makes a dash for it, probably assuming that Haerin is too, Haerin's eyes quickly scan the clutter that had crashed to the ground just seconds ago. Within just a couple milliseconds, she's noticed a group of tools, ones similar to the one Yunin keeps stored in the garage. She doesn't take much time, quickly taking the largest one, a hefty looking wrench, into her dominant hand. She looks up sharply to see that Kazuha's almost made it to the gun, a limp in her left leg slowing her down considerably.

Haerin grits her teeth, and manages to catch up to her without much difficulty. Squeezing her eyes shut, she doesn't allow herself any time to think, to psych herself out, to second guess herself. She brings the wrench back behind her like she would a baseball bat, and right after she whispers a quick sorry inside her head, she swings with all her might.

The sound of the wrench colliding with Kazuha's head is something Haerin doesn't think she'll ever again. It makes Haerin's ears ring out, a dull thunk that she feels reverberate throughout her entire body, causing her to shrink in on herself.

She watches, as Kazuha crumples to the floor by her feet.

It takes Haerin a moment or two to comprehend exactly what had just happened, her breath heaving, eyes darting around wildly with the sheer amount of energy in her system. Then, she's freezing up all at once, and the wrench falls to the ground with a dull clanging noise.

She stumbles backwards, a couple paces, both hands flying up to cover her mouth.

Shit, shit shit shit shit, fuck.

No, she's not- Haerin shakes her head, like she's trying to convince herself. No, she's not dead. Haerin didn't... kill her.

She rushes over to her, falling to her knees by Kazuha's side. The girl is lying limp on her side, and Haerin gently shifts her body so that she's face up. Gently, with a hand that's shaking even more violently than usual, she places a finger beneath Kazuha's nose.

At once, she feels a soft exhale of air, and lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank fuck," she covers her face with her hands, muttering into her palms. "Thank fuck, thank fuck," she pushes her hair back from her forehead, hands clasped behind her own neck, just staring down at her. Apart from the blood that had pooled on her cupid's bow, Haerin would just think that she were asleep.

She was right. Haerin is fucked. Perhaps even more now compared to before.

What's she supposed to do now? It's not like she can just- just leave Kazuha here, and even if she were to, someone would just find her here in the morning. Or, even before that, Yunjin would notice that she isn't at their place, and come here looking for her. And Kazuha has all the evidence-

Haerin sucks in a sharp breath. The evidence.

She reaches into kazuha's pocket, and takes out her phone, but quickly realises that it's locked. "Fucking bullshit, " her words quiver despite her anger, resisting the urge to just throw Kazuha's phone across the room. She has no idea what the code is, it could be fucking anything. She doesn't even try, putting the phone down on the ground.

She brings her legs to the side of her, curling in on herself and staring down at the floor, heels of her palms pressed into her forehead.

Amidst everything else, something else begins to seep into her.

Fear.

Not fear like before, where it was more like worry than anything else.

This is raw, genuine fear.

Haerin's seen what happens on numerous occasions what happens to those who go behind Minji's back, consequences worse than death, straight up torture that's still ingrained into her mind. Not only has she been lying to them this entire time, but she'd gone and knocked Kazuha out as her only option.

They could kill her.

At that moment, as the realisation hits her, a noise comes from upstairs, the soft chime of the bell indicating that someone has entered the shop.

Haerin, who's energy levels had been so high before, now feels slow, sluggish, experiencing a total drop. Even though she's not smiling, she's not happy in the slightest bit, a pathetic sounding laug forces its way past her lips, scraping against her tongue.

Oh, she's dead, she's dead. They're going to kill her.

"Just forgot the key to my locker!" it's Yunjin who hollers down the stairs, and Haerin's head just bobs up and down, slowly. Of course, out of everyone, it would be Yunjin who would arrive at a time like this.

Obviously, Haerin doesn't answer. Instead, she manages to gather herself to her feet, taking staggering steps over to the gun that Kazuha had tried so hard to reach for.

"Kazuha-ah? Haerin?" Yunjin's voice is closer now, Haerin can hear her footsteps growing clearer, louder.

Just as Yunjin steps into the room, Haerin aims Kazuha's gun at the doorway.

Yunjin is still, her hand still resting on the doorknob, drinking in the sight of the room. First, she looks over at the toppled shelves, and everything that had fallen to the floor, creating a total mess. Then, over to Kazuha, sprawled on the ground, before finally settling on Haerin.

Haerin was seen Yunjin angry countless times, but it's a different experience entirely to have that anger directed at yourself. Her gaze is narrowed, and overall she's chillingly calm, but calm in a sense that makes Haerin's skin crawl.

Even when she speaks, her words are drawn out, low and collected. "I'm gonna give you one chance to explain this,"

"Please," Haerin's voice is thick, wobbly, and that growing lump in her thoat is making it harder and harder to breathe. She just shakes her head. " Please, just- just leave me alone," it's totally worthless, as a plea, but Haerin's literally got nothing else. At this stage, she's desperate.

Yunjin's tilts her head to the side, slightly back. "Wasted chance then,"

" No , it's- are you fucking blind? She's a cop!" Haerin's raising her voice. She's got no need to, but like she said, she's desperate. That, and her vision has begun to blur with tears, the saliva that pools on her tongue sticky inside her mouth, like it's jamming her teeth together and making it difficult to even speak.

Yunjin clicks her tongue. Her gaze glints, softly, dangerously. "You think I don't know that?"

That takes Haerin by surprise.

Yunjin knows that Kazuha was a detective, but Minji doesn't. Because... because Minji will trust Yunjin with anything, shit, of course.

Yunjin's brow furrows, looking away from her like she's trying to think. "But then if she told you that she was... and you had to do this ..." Haerin can practically see the gears whirring around inside Yunjin's head, and she just hasn't got any energy left. Yunjin's much too smart, it's practically her job to outwit people, she wouldn't last long even if she were to try.

Haerin sees it when it hits her. "Oh, fuck no-"

"Please," Haerin just keeps on repeating herself, even though she knows it's falling on deaf ears.

"You're one of them too,"

"Please, just leave me alone," Haerin can feel the way her tears have begun to run tracks down her cheeks, more seeming to appear no matter how fast she blinks them away. "Please please-"

"Shut up," Yunjin's tone is ice cold, and it causes Haerin to clamp her lips together tight. She looks Haerin in the eye. "Gun down, or I kill you,"

Haerin's grip on the weapon is so shaky she can see it quiver, sees the way it's blurred. She just keeps shaking her head, crying the way a child would now. Nonsensical things begin to tumble past her lips, words that dont sound coherent even do her.

Yunjin takes a step forward, and another, and another, and Haerin begins herself to grow panicky. Her eyes dart around wildly, and she tries to readjust her grip, steady her aim. "D-don't move,"

Yunjin leans forward, her gaze turning invasive, unblinking and wild like that of a caged animal ready to be let loose. "Do you think I'm fucking around?" her voice is so quiet that it sends chills down Haerin;s spine, and she visibly shudders. "Do you think I won't kill you?"

She keeps walking, keeps coming closer, and Haerin can't bear it. Scrunching her eyes shut, she looks away, and lowering her aim towards Yunjin's shins, she pulls on the trigger.

The sound of the trigger being pulled echoes eerily through the quiet. Nothing follows.

Haerin blinks her eyes open, staring down at it. All that time... Kazuha had been bluffing. The barrels are empty.

Yunjin is on her before Haerin even gets a chance to look up.

She's got both of her wrists trapped in an iron grip, and Haerin feels her back hit the wall so hard she gets winded. It makes it difficult to breathe, her breaths rapid and quick but not enough-

Holding onto her wrists with one hand, Yunjin holds onto her face with the other so tight Haerin thinks she feels her very bones begin to give way. Yunjin is close enough for Haerin to feel her breath on her face, rough if she could call it that, and the look in her eyes is nothing if not fucking murderous.

Haerin's lungs begin to burn in protest, and she keeps swallowing oxygen but it does nothing.

"What was it you knocked Kazuha out with, hm? The wrench?" Yunjin's voice quivers, like she's only just about keeping it under control.

Haerin's vision darkens at the edges, and Yunjin's grin is like a promise of death.

"How about you give it a try?"

---

Haerin wakes up with a sharp agony wrecking through the back of her head, grimacing at the searing pain the bolts down the length of her spine. With bleary vision, she twists so that she can see behind her, and sees that her wrists are still tied to the pipe behind her, the thick rope rubbing her skin raw. Haerin just slouches even further, her head lolling against her chest, closing her eyes again.

She really, really wished that she hadn't woken up. Not now, not ever. Or, that she'd open her eyes and she'd be back in the flat that she shares with Hitomi.

Foolish, stupid way of thinking. Fucking pathetic.

Outside, she can hear voices, faint, indecipherable things. She doesn't pay them any mind, that is, until, she recognises one of them as Minji.

She straightens up a bit, lips parting, trying her best to blink the sleep out of her eyes. It's definitely Minji, standing not too far on the other side of the doorway. Her voice grows louder, closer, Haerin just able to make out one of the sentences she speaks as a response to what someone else had said.

"I'll talk to you both later,"

Then the door handle is being pushed down, and Haerin thinks her heart is trying to push its way up into her mouth through her throat. Out of everyone , she thinks that Minji out of all people is the one she wants to see the least.

But here she is now, closing the door behind her, both of them staring at one another. There's a cold, calculating look in Minji's eyes, reminding Haerin a lot of when she was first getting to know her. She can only imagine what she herself looks like now, tied up like this, knees tucked into her chest, physically and emotionally drained.

A small part of her had hoped that Minji would look hurt, but that had been a naive wish.

Minji's footsteps are slow, deliberate, echoing deafeningly throughout the basement as she makes her way towards her. Each one she takes crashes like symbols in Haerin's ears, and her throat has closed up so tight she's not all too sure if she's breathing or not, black dots whirling in and out of her vision. The ringing in her ears doesn't cease, and neither does the pain.

Minji comes closer.

Closer.

She's a step or two away. "So..."

She crouches down so that they're both at eye level, and if Haerin was drowsy before, she's wide awake now. Minji's gaze is piercing, invasive in the way she's unblinking, black pupils glinting like a snake's. She reaches out with a cool, pale hand, fingertips taking a hold of Haerin's chin with a grip that's a stark contrast to how she usually touches her.

She breathes out the words, words that chill Haerin right to her very bones.

"You're one of Sakura's rats,"

It takes Haerin a second or two to comprehend what she's just said, but she quickly gets it, beginning to shake her head frantically as the panic begins to come to a boil inside of her. "No," she's lying, that's all she can do, all she's been doing up until this point is lying. "No, no no no-"

"Shut up," Minji's voice is still breathy, cool and collected, the complete opposite to how Haerin's feeling.

Haerin does as Minji tells her. She clamps her lips together tight, and shuts up.

Minji seems to find amusement in this, the edges of her nails slowly beginning to dig into Haerin's skin, squeezing tighter, applying more pressure. "You're terrified," her voice is so quiet that Haerin has to strain to hear her because of the ringing in her ears, regardless of their close proximity. "You're usually so good at hiding it, hm? What's wrong?"

It's not a question Minji intends for her to answer, Haerin can tell. So, she doesn't respond, shifts her gaze so that her eyes are trained on the floor by Minji's feet. She doesn't think she can take the pressure of Minji's stare much more, feeling the way it snakes inside her own soul and squeezes like a serpent to its prey.

Then, Minji's wrenching away her grip on her chin, the force enough to knock it against Haerin's chest, causing her eyes to water further. Minji's snapping her fingers in front of her face, hissing. "Look at me, you pathetic bitch,"

Again, Haerin does as she's told, not even giving it a second's thought before she looks up at her again. Minji's words cut deep, burning like ice that thaws its way through her skin, running around inside her head on loop.

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

And she is. Because even now, even after everything she's done, after every lie she's told and every false truth she's spoken, looking at Minji still makes her... makes her feel.

She's always been breathtaking, especially up this close, and even now there's a part of Haerin's mind that's honed in on that.

Minji leans in a little closer, and Haerin can just about make out her own reflection in the ring of her iris. Her gaze flits about Haerin's face, before coming back up to her eyes again, tilting her head slightly to the side. "You know what happens when I take something personally, don't you?" She murmurs, again, not a question she wants Haerin to answer. Because it's obvious, Haerin's been here long enough to know exactly what happens when Minji takes something personally.

Haerin's begun to shake. She doesn't know when she started, it's only something she's taken notice of now. It's sharp, irregular jolts, almost verging on violent, and she knows that if she were to speak she wouldn't be able to get the words out.

"Do you think this is something personal, Haerin?"

Haerin mind searches desperately for a response, something at this stage that will keep her alive. "You... you're not thinking about this the right way,"

Minji doesn't look impressed in the slightest. "You want to try me?"

"Sakura, Minji," Haerin reminds her, looking up at her imploringly. "You want her? I can get her to you. She still-" the words taste foul on her mouth. "-she still trusts me,"

Minji just scoffs. "So you'll cheat and lie with me, just to pull the same shit on them," she stands up, moving her hair away from her face. "You realise how pathetic it sounds, don't you,"

Haerin knows Minji, whether she likes it or not, and knows that she likes getting a rise out of people, so she tries her best not to let that last comment stop her. "You can get rid of me now, fine. But don't, and... and it's just the perfect opportunity," she hesitates, then- "And if you wanna get rid of me after that, then so be it,"

Minji grins at her, not kindly, but rather in a sinister manner. She places her hands on her knees. "You really know how to talk, don't you?"

Haerin forces her voice to remain level. "I'm dead serious. I..." she's desperate. "Please. I'm begging you,"

"Are you?" Minji quirks a brow, voice dropping to something dangerously quiet. "Because if you were really begging, you'd be on you knees," (bro im on my knees rn anything for u minji)

Haerin stares at her, and Minji stares right back. The tension between them thickens until it's suffocating, until it curls around the base of Haerin's throat and pulls itself taught.

Haerin doesn't have any other option.

She shifts, from where she was sitting with her knees tucked into her chest, so that she's sitting on them instead. Minji seems to tower over her, looking down on her in the way that she is, and a slow, satisfied smile smears its way across her features. "Go on,"

Haerin can't bring herself to look her in the eye. "I'm begging you," she repeats herself. "Just... let me bring Sakura to you, and you can do whatever you want,"

Minji hums. "Whatever I want," she repeats, mulling the words over. "I like the sound of it. But just for the record..." she crouches down once again, so they're eye level once more, and Minji takes ahold of Haerin's chin like before. "I'm sure you showed up here with the intention of doing something good. But after everything you've done these couple months, after pulling something like this..." she's so close that if Haerin leaned in the slightest bit further, she could close the gap in between them. "You're really no better than the rest of us,"

Haerin doesn't reply, doesn't have a response.

Probably because it's something she's known for a while now.

Looking satisfied, Minji stands up, and without saying anything else, she makes way for the exit.

Something in Haerin still longs for her, even after her harsh words cut through her like ice, she still wants her so bad that it physically pains her. "You care, though," Haerin tries for one more push, one more time. "You care about me," she doesn't know whether she believes that what she's saying is true or not. She wants it to be, like crazy.

At that, Minji laughs, and it's cold. "Care about you?" she repeats, voice light yet venomous, turning just slightly to look at her over her shoulder. "Have you met me? Do you know what I'm capable of?"

Haerin opens her mouth to reply, but Minji beats her to it. "The only reason I'm keeping you alive is because you can get me something that I want. But other than that?" her lip curls, looking down her nose at her.

"You're practically a nobody to me now,"

===

notes:

sorry for the late update i have been rlly busy with studying for my exams that starts next week. Tysm for waiting and for reading and the end is coming soon :( so be prepared for whats to come..  Also newjeans comeback soon!! Im so excited, i just know im going to play the new songs on loop until i start singing and dancing in my sleep. Anways byeee