"It's Not A No!"
~~~
The second time Eva Rocker was in California, fireworks were exploding, lights were infinitely twinkling, butterflies were forever fluttering around an enclosed space in her chest. Well, not really. Eva had the window of the car down, and any fireworks that were exploding sounded vaguely like gunshots, and were probably illegal with California's constant drought situation. But she liked the warm air after sitting on a freezing cold plane for eight hours, wishing she had worn warmer clothes like she did six months ago.
This time, instead of taking an Uber from the airport to the Bowman Residence, Eva worked out her trip with Jacqueline, and she was meant to pick Eva up from the airport. Imagine Eva's surprise when instead of seeing the mother's eyes searching for her, it was Kenji waiting by the baggage claim, searching for her instead. Eva completely tackled him to the ground, their bodies smacking the tiles in a flare of pain, but neither seemed to mind.
After December passed, after they found themselves together again in LaGuardia when Kenji was sweating about missing his flight and Eva was terrified of California ending and having to prepare for a second semester of school, they had spent days texting one another about anything and everything in between. They FaceTimed once a week, and then twice, and then they were talking almost every day and Eva's grades were beginning to slip and she questioned what she was doing with her life. Everything about her life she questioned, everything except Kenji.
They went six months without seeing one another in person, and it was killing them both, but maybe Eva more so. Eva was absolutely wrecked; she couldn't spontaneously get on a plane and visit Kenji. It wasn't that she didn't have the money or the time— she feared she was going to cancel her round trip and end up staying in San Francisco, which meant never returning to New York, which meant failing out of school, which meant— well, what are you supposed to do with your life if you don't have a real salaried job and you're not in college?
Eva was thinking about travelling the world and staying clear of South America and anywhere else that housed a jungle. But then, if she travelled, she would be even further from Kenji, and she wasn't sure she could handle that, either.
Believe me, seeing Kenji was fabulous. It was miraculous. It was changing her life-ous. Kenji was the one thing keeping her alive, and seeing him again once summer began gave her the motivation to finish her semester. She just had no idea what was going on in her life, and she didn't know how to figure it out. Before Isla Nublar, she wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Now she wanted to live in a cottage in the woods completely cut off from society. She wanted to travel the world. She wanted to live in a beach house and learn to surf and eat ice cream every day from a little old school parlor on the corner. She wanted to go to medical school, she wanted to be a high school librarian, she wanted to be a housekeeper. She wanted to stay at home all day watching Gilmore Girls reruns eating cold pizza and Hershey kisses wishing she had someone she loved coming home to her. She was an adult, and she had absolutely no idea what she was doing with her life.
But then finals week came and passed and the semester ended, and Eva found herself texting Jacqueline and suddenly she was in California, seeing her boyfriend, her heart bursting into love and pain and all she wanted to do was to kiss his soft lips and stay in his arms forever.
She looked from the window, passing dozens of colorful houses to her boyfriend, who's knuckles were turned white with how tightly they gripped the steering wheel. They eased down a hill, the breaks slowing them down considerably. Someone behind them beeped their horn, and Kenji huffed, glancing back in the mirror before continuing to drive slowly.
"I missed you," Eva said honestly, her hand creeping up the edge of his thigh— Kenji glanced down at her hand, then back to the road and panickedly slammed on the breaks. "Can you drive? Legally? Like, without an adult in the car?" she asked, before realizing what she said, her eyes widening in surprise at her own words.
"You're an adult. You're in the car."
Eva's face showed surprise. "I don't have my license."
"I do. It's fine. This is all fine. Everything is fine."
"Kenji, we're sitting at a red light."
Kenji sighed loudly, not letting up from his control over the wheel.
Eva removed her hand from his thigh and moved it to his bicep, instead. "Are you doing okay, Kenj?"
He finally looked at her, and the stress lines in his forehead disappeared as his eyes filled with longing. "I'm fine. I just refuse to drive in a city that only knows hills. Like, this is crazy—" he turned back to the front and slowly guided the car to the left onto a perpendicular street. "It's not even normal driving, it's city driving and steep hill driving. That's a deadly combo. I refuse to drive us anywhere because of this."
Eva smiled giddily as she flexed her fingers together. "But you picked me up."
"I hate driving in San Francisco more than I love you, which is saying a lot I think, but it's fine. We're almost home."
Eva nodded, the car falling silent as Kenji focused everything in him on driving without crashing into the car in front of them. Eva found it cute, how concentrated he was on his surroundings. He had his thinking face on— his nose scrunched up and his eyebrows knit together. She adored the look, and kept her gaze on him instead of their surroundings. She trusted him to take them home.
Once they reached the neighborhood, Kenji picked up the pace a bit, and they easily rolled into the driveway, stopping just short of the garage door. As soon as the car was shut off, Eva tilted Kenji's chin and pressed her lips to his, the two smiling into the kiss like the teenagers helplessly in love that they were.
Kenji's seatbelt clicked off and he fumbled with hers, before the only thing stopping them was the center console between them. His hands wrapped around her forearms and pulled her closer. She laughed, falling into him as he began kissing down her neck eagerly.
"We're in your driveway."
"They... can... wait."
Eva pulled back. "So can you."
Kenji pouted, "But we—"
"Look, as much as I would love for you to rip off all my clothes—"
"I can do that. I can rip off your clothes. Right now."
"It is daylight, Kenji. It is daylight, and we're outside, and I don't know what San Francisco neighbors are like, but if this was happening outside my apartment, Francesca and Reggie would be inviting us to a foursome by now."
"Are they cute?"
Eva grinned and scoffed, slapping his shoulder.
Kenji pecked her lips again, then let his forehead rest against her own. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
"I missed you so much," he told her, picking up her hand and kissing her knuckles. "I'm so glad you're still stupidly in love with me."
"I'm glad I have you again," she told him softly. "I was worried there for a moment."
"Worried?"
Eva dropped Kenji's hands and pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on her knee. "For me. I wasn't doing too well for a while. I was scared I'd never be okay again, and then we made up, and it was like the stars aligned again and I knew I would be okay." She picked up her head, smiling at the boy to her left. "You made me okay again." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "Don't leave. I won't be able to handle it."
"Am I allowed to go to a grocery store without you or is this a permanent thing? Can I shower without you— no, wait, I definitely want to shower with you."
Eva blushed a deep scarlet color. "Shut up."
"You love me."
"And I also definitely want to shower with you, too."
"HA!" Kenji shouted, and he pumped his fist into the air. "I've never showered with someone before. How do I prepare for this?"
She laughed, dropping a knee against the seat. "Hot water would be nice."
"Hot water. Check."
Eva popped her door and hopped out, shifting her hoodie around her body as she headed for the trunk.
"Uh- uh- uh—!" Kenji rushed out, running to open the hatch himself. "I've got this. You go see Darius and Mom."
Eva leaned forward onto her toes and kissed his cheek before heading for the front door. The door was unlocked when she tried it, and it swung open grandly, the scent of some type of fruity baked good hitting her nose. Darius perked up from the couch, hopping to his feet and running to Eva's side.
"Eva!"
"What's up, little man?" She joked, craning her neck up to look at him. At this point, he was probably taller than Kenji, too. She was jealous about that. It was always a dream to hit six feet. "Dude, stop growing and give the rest of us a chance."
Darius grinned. "I'm finally taller than Kenji."
"And I'm sure his ego loved that."
"Come on. Wait, where's Kenji?"
"Getting my bag."
"Okay, come on," he nodded, and pulled her into the kitchen. "Mom! Eva's here!"
"Yes, I know. I have ears, son." Jacqueline turned to Eva and gestured her to step closer. "Come here, dear."
Eva awkwardly stepped forward and let the woman engulf her in a hug. Her cheek squished up against Jacqueline's shoulder, but Eva didn't mind. Eva didn't realize how human touch deprived she was until she was stuck on Isla Nublar with Sammy. And now that they were home, it was like before all over again. That's just what living in New York City is like for her.
"How was the flight? How was Kenji's driving? Did he drive slow?" Jacqueline pestered.
Eva smiled, pulling back from the hug. "Oh, so slow. Grandmas were passing us on the sidewalks."
"I offered to pick you up and let him come, but he really wanted to do it on his own. He wasn't too stressed, was he?"
Eva thought to how hungrily Kenji was in the driveway, and thought, if he was that stressed, he wouldn't have kissed her so easily. "No. He was good. I'm sure he'll get a thrill of driving me back when I leave."
"I'm not doing that again," Kenji said from the doorway. "Maybe you should just never leave. That would solve at least two problems."
"Uh huh, and what do I do about my entire life in New York?"
"Ditch it."
"You're very convincing, but no."
Her heart ached, wanting so badly to drop everything and permanently move to San Francisco. But she would not let herself make any rash decisions. Even if Kenji was the one she was making rash decisions for.
"Dinner should be ready in forty five minutes. Why don't you let Eva settle down and relax. I'm sure she'd like that after being on the road all day."
Eva smiled lightly at the woman, and started her trek to the stairs with the two boys on either side of her— Kenji grabbing her suitcase as he walked— when Jacqueline turned the corner and tutted her tongue. The trio stopped and turned; Jacqueline giving them a knowing look.
"Ain't no way you're sleeping in either of my sons' rooms while you're here. You can crash on the air mattress in my room, or the couch. Those are your two options."
Kenji awkwardly set down her suitcase and cleared his throat. "But Mom—"
Eva quickly cut him off— "while sleeping a few feet away from you sounds amazing, I'll take the couch. Thank you."
Jacqueline nodded. "Doors stay open, thank you."
"I'm an adult," Kenji mumbled as they trudged upstairs.
"The curse of living at home," Darius said. "You're lucky Mom is even letting Eva stay for so long." He pouted, and Eva suddenly remembered when he tried to let Brooklynn stay over when she was in town a few months ago, and their Mom only let her stay on the air mattress, and refused to leave them alone in the house all week. Darius called Eva to complain about it, and Eva ended up ending the call to pick up Brooklynn's, who also was calling her to complain about it.
"Where's your brother?" Eva asked as they filed into Kenji's room, Eva taking the swivel chair so she could spin in circles.
"Finally moved out. Mom's not too happy about it, but she's doing fine. They both are," Darius explained.
"So I take it Kenji moving out won't happen very soon?"
Both boys chuckled, then immediately agreed.
The trio continued to catch up until the boys' Mom called them downstairs for dinner— lasagna and steamed veggies. Eva's mouth watered as she entered the kitchen. The boys grabbed napkins and forks, and quickly set the table. Kenji pulled four plates from the cupboard as Darius grabbed cups, asking Jacqueline and Eva what they wanted to drink.
Dinner flew by, mostly because Eva was starving and hadn't had a homecooked meal— probably since the last time she was in California. Changing her major helped her mentality, and she finally made more food outside of ramen and kimchi, but she still didn't find the love for cooking which she once held.
Eva was gulping down half her glass of water when Jacqueline asked the very question she was hoping to avoid on her trip: anything about school. How's culinary school going? Why not ask about her dear old oma, or rather, where she sees herself in five years? Or maybe something lax, like her new favorite book or new album? Why ask about the one thing she wished never to explain? Couldn't Jacqueline see the panic in her eyes as she cleared her throat, setting down her water?
"Oh, um, culinary school was all right," she said, gaze falling to her plate. She tucked her hands under her thighs, her knuckles pressing into the wood chair below her.
"Was?" Jacqueline pressed, before taking a long sip of her wine glass.
Eva glanced at Kenji and Darius, cursing silently knowing they were staring at her intently. There was no escaping this, was there? "I... dropped out of culinary school and transferred to a four year to study nutrition and physiology," she confessed. "But I don't know. I feel like that's not really me. I'm considering dropping out of that, too... But I guess I have the summer to decide... I don't know, I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off."
"Since when?" Darius asked, his fork clattering dramatically against his plate.
Jacqueline shot him a look, and Eva continued to stare down at her plate, trying to ignore her boyfriend and friend. She didn't want to know what they thought about her failure, and she surely didn't want to see the look on Kenji's face— probably hurt and confusion. They were becoming so close once again, and here Eva was, keeping significant information from him. She'd surely hear about this later tonight.
"You don't have to know what you want to do, Eva, dear," Jacqueline said. Eva picked her head up and looked at her, her eyes stinging as she tried not to cry. "Success isn't a one-size-fits-all deal. It's about what makes you feel happy and fulfilled. And you're only nineteen. You still have your whole life ahead of you to figure out what you want to do with yourself. Just try to follow your heart, and don't sweat not knowing what you're doing yet. You have more than enough time— you don't need to be panicking yet, dear."
"Well, I kind of wanted to travel..." Eva trailed off, sparing a glance at Kenji.
He was staring at his plate now instead, his eyebrows knit together as he bit his lip, lost in thought.
"But that's just an idea," Eva quickly added.
"It sounds like a lovely idea. Where are you thinking of going?" Jacqueline asked.
"Anywhere that's not a jungle," she answered honestly, and Kenji snorted— the two making eye contact as Kenji snickered, hiding behind his soda glass. "Obviously South America is out. India, Cameroon, Gabon, Laos, Malaysia. Papua New Guinea. But that still leaves Europe, which is fine. Europe seems nice. When I told Brooklynn I wanted to travel, she rated every place she's ever been and presented it to me in PowerPoint form, so I at least know what I'm getting into."
Darius cracked a grin. "That definitely sounds like Brooklynn."
"I miss her. It feels like I'm on the brink of a mental breakdown, but I think I just miss my friends more than anything. Which is why coming here was so good. Yaz is touring colleges near Sammy's ranch, and Sammy already said I could come any day, any time. I can't really visit Ben until he returns to the mainland, and Brooklynn is off being a badass— sorry, a very swag person. Maybe I can pull everyone together next Christmas. That'd be fun, right?"
Kenji nodded enthusasitcally as Darius agreed, "Oh, definitely! Mom, please say yes. You know you want to."
"Oh, I don't know... Where is this even happening?"
Eva shrugged, "I don't know, but we've got six months to figure out the details."
Jacqueline was clearly in a thinking phase, and Eva opened her mouth to mention it didn't have to happen in New York City— which was probably hell to send your teenage son to without any responsible parent nearby— when Kenji cleared his throat, cutting in. "Um, Darius is sixteen, and and he'll be almost seventeen during Christmas, and before you think that's still too young to send of to meet up with everyone for the holidays, remember he's the person that kept all of us alive for six months on Isla Nublar, and he should definitely get to come."
Jacqueline raised her eyebrows, watching him closely.
Darius nodded, and smiled. "Yeah. What he said."
"I third what Kenji said," Eva added. "It wouldn't be the same without him."
The woman looked between the three teenagers and sighed. "We'll see."
"It's not a no!" Kenji shouted, his hands thrust into the air.
"It's not a no!" Darius joined in.
"It's not a no," Eva grinned, clapping her hands along as Darius danced around the dinner table.
Jacqueline broke into a smile, snorting at her kids' antics as Kenji and Eva all stood up; the trio of survivors danced around the room with smiles on their faces and their bellies full.