Kimmy headed upstairs when they got back to the house. On the way to hers, she stopped at Miguel's room where the door was left open. Kimmy peeked in and peered around the room now that everything was cleared out.
The mattress was stripped bare. The bulletin board that once held Miguel's photos and coloring pictures, including the drawing she had made for him, was gone. The closet was cleaned out. The drawers were left part-way open. All that was left behind was the dust outlines.
Kimmy scanned more of the room. It was so strange not seeing Miguel there, playing with his toys or watching one of his cartoons. It's as if he disappeared off the face of the earth or something.
Nothing was left.
Except for one toy.
Kimmy checked behind her before cautiously stepping inside the bedroom. She went over and retrieved a toy figurine underneath the dresser and looked the toy over. It was one of those Bluey characters Miguel had gotten for his birthday. Kimmy thought about taking the toy downstairs to give to Ben or Kayla. But what if they thought she stole it? What if they said to toss it in with the toys in the loft?
She heard Kayla say they would stay in touch, maybe Kimmy could hold onto the toy until the next time they saw each other.
So, Kimmy went to her room and opened the second drawer of her dresser, hiding the toy underneath her shorts.
Things were surely going to be different around here. That's for sure.
Kimmy dropped on her bed where she had left her tablet to watch something. Claudia wanted to take Samson for a walk by herself so Kimmy had the room to herself. At least for a while.
That song playing on the radio stuck out in her mind with curiosity. The radio DJ mentioned her name was Wynonna Judd and sounded it out to spell the name in the search bar. Fortunately, it was enough for YouTube to recognize the name and give her videos for the singer, including the singer's YouTube channel.
Kimmy scanned the list of videos before choosing a random music video. The singer reminded Kimmy of her mom. If Stella had red hair, that is. Both women had similar body shapes, though, and long hair.
Stella always did try more than her best to look and act young. Aging wasn't doing her any favors, but she certainly could act the part if Stella was angry enough.
Kimmy scrolled through the videos and played the songs that piqued her interest. It seemed like Wynonna Judd had been singing for a long time, so she had quite a few songs to get through.
Besides her video game music, Kimmy had never been interested in other kinds of music. She grew up with Stella listening to classic rock from the seventies and eighties. So Kimmy wasn't a stranger to music with lyrics. It was more comforting to listen without, especially while she slept. Something about listening to the words Wynonna sang drew her in.
One of the songs Kimmy came across she recognized as one sung by a band Stella listened to.
As she listened to Wynonna Judd sing the words to I Want to Know What Love Is, Kimmy could feel that lump in her throat again, and her eyes glaze over with a fresh film of tears. She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand just before Claudia returned.
She walked across the room towards her bed. When Claudia heard the words to the song, she noted she knew the song, herself, also familiar with the original singer. "Singers seem to do that a lot. Sing each other's songs." She explained the concept of a cover song as if Kimmy had never heard music with lyrics before.
While Claudia was explaining, the next video started on its own since it was a playlist. It took Kimmy a moment to realize Wynonna Judd was singing about that Jesus guy and what she would do when she saw him, face to face. By this point, Kimmy's head was filled with so many questions about who Jesus was, why he was so important, and why she was hearing so much about him now.
Claudia mumbled something under her breath, but Kimmy couldn't catch what she said.
-- & --
Ben went up to his room and laid down not long after they got home. He soon dozed off shortly after and slept for a couple of hours. A few times, Ben caught wind of Wynonna Judd singing from down the hallway while coming in and out of consciousness.
He recognized one song by the band, Foreigner, he heard growing up. Ben couldn't help but toss and turn throughout the entire length of the song and fought the urge to yell at whoever was listening to put on headphones. He figured it was Claudia at first until he heard a cover of I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe. Then he remembered Claudia had taken Samson for a walk.
Kayla made dinner that evening, including for Samson since Miguel wasn't there to feed him.
Ben walked into the kitchen still waking up, scratching his back under his shirt. "I had a weird dream. I woke up to the lady from the Judds standing in our bedroom, singing."
Claudia was putting together her cheeseburger. "Naked?"
He ignored the teen and turned to Kayla to ask what was for dinner. She told him cheeseburgers and curly fries and playfully teased she would not be offended by a celebrity crush dream. Nor was she intimidated by Wynonna coming between them.
Ben scowled at the two oldest girls. "Neither one of you is the least bit funny."
Kayla and Claudia just snickered, and Kayla passed him a plate with a bun and fries with a smirk on her face.
Dinner didn't seem any different yet since Mary and Miguel had been gone the last several weekends anyway. It still hit hard knowing they wouldn't be coming back the next afternoon.
Kayla still pushed for them to say what they were thankful for. Both Ben and Claudia could agree it didn't seem like there was anything to be thankful for until she reminded them they had plenty. Not just for themselves, but for Mary and Miguel especially.
Of course, Ben would agree she was right. His head and heart even told him so. But he also could not deny how much it hurt they were gone. It felt as though there were still a lot of loose ends left.
Kimmy continued to sit in her spot at the counter, even when Claudia invited her to sit beside her. It was Kayla who told them to let Kimmy be.
"So, you're not taking any other kids anytime soon?" Claudia changed the subject, taking a bite of her burger. She used a napkin immediately after to cover her mouth.
Kayla covered a hand over her mouth while she finished chewing. "Not for the rest of the year, no." She washed it down with some water. "Around mid-January, we'll see how we feel. If we're ready."
"What if they call you sooner than that?"
Ben swirled a curly fry, he had torn apart, around in the glob of ketchup on his plate. "They shouldn't be. Our agency knows we're taking a break until further notice." He tossed the fry in his mouth.
"Do you want more kids, Claudia?" Kayla asked.
She shrugged it off. "Just curious."
Ben broke off and swirled more of the fry around in ketchup. "Mary and Miguel were here a long time. If it were up to me, I'd take another one, pronto. But, uh..." He looked over at Kayla. "Taking another one while still grieving over saying good-bye won't do any favors for us or the next ones."
"You have to give yourself time to grieve," Kayla said simply.
"What about us?" Claudia motioned towards Kimmy. "We're still here."
"Yes, you're already here. We already know each other enough and have a routine set. With someone new, that's shopping trips and doctor's visits we have to worry about. New routines to include. Most importantly, getting to know them personally. It's like a new relationship. You wouldn't want to get into a new relationship fresh after a break-up."
Claudia shrugged. "It's not like we get a choice. We barely get time to breathe before we're shipped off to another home. So why should you?"
Ben looked over at Kayla at once, unsure what to say. It was true. If things went his way, they'd be taking another kid by Monday. But Kayla did not want to immediately jump into another kid coming into their home. Some people may be able to handle that kind of thing, but not them. Especially not Ben.
Kayla remained calm and answered Claudia the best she could. "We may not have control over what happens around us. And, yes, I understand kids in the system don't always get that chance to grieve. That's why we need to take care of ourselves first. So when a kid comes to us with those burdens, we will be in a healthy state of mind to help them transition as smoothly as possible."
Claudia scoffed and mumbled something under her breath that wasn't quite clear.
"It may not seem fair, but that's how we are handling things." Kayla took another drink of water.
Ben finished chewing a bite of his cheeseburger. "If it helps, having you girls here is helping us. We've said good-bye when we didn't have any other kids left."
Claudia scoffed some more. "Whatever," she said into her burger.
-- & --
After dinner, Kayla had Kimmy help with the dishes for a change while Ben took out the trash. She showed Kimmy how to rinse off most of the food and let her load them into the dishwasher. Kayla then plugged up one side of the sink and filled it with warm water and dish soap before showing Kimmy how to wash the extra dishes that did not fit, including the skillet and baking sheet.
While Kayla finished with the dishes, she had Kimmy start wiping down the counters and table.
Despite having worked up the courage to speak that day, Kimmy hadn't been able to say anything else. Not even to Kayla. No one insisted she talk from then on either like she feared. They just let her continue using head motions and some sign language Mrs. Johnson had taught her.
To help with a distraction for everyone, Kayla took the girls to the mall the next day to introduce them to a tradition her mother started with her and Dalton when they were kids. She let each of the girls choose a kid in need from the Christmas trees in the center of the mall and let them pick out a present listed on the card.
Claudia chose a girl who was around Mary's age while Kimmy chose an eleven-year-old boy who wanted anything Minecraft related. Kayla made sure to let them know they were solely there to Christmas shop for others and not themselves and even suggested picking out something for their families, giving each a spending limit.
Zach and the eleven-year-old boy were a piece of cake to pick out for, but finding something Kimmy thought their mom would like was tough. The girls went through several stores until it was just down to Stella. They stopped at a bath shop where it was Claudia who suggested a small bath set with those bath bomb things, among other similar items that came in a square basket wrapped in plastic.
Once everyone on the list was acquired for, Kayla bought them lunch from the food court, letting Claudia order hers from a different place while Kayla helped Kimmy decide. They met at a table once all three had their meals. Since Kimmy had enjoyed the Chinese food Ben had ordered that one day, she chose it again, getting the orange chicken and noodles this time.
Ben also tried to find ways to keep the girls somewhat busy during the first week of their winter break. But neither one was into going to anything specific. He at least talked Kimmy into going to an aquarium to look at sea critters. Eventually, by Thursday, Ben finally talked Claudia into seeing a movie when Kayla got home from work, though she would have preferred going with Kayla. Trying not to take it personally, Ben suggested Kayla go while he stayed home with Kimmy instead.
While Kayla and Claudia went to the movies, Ben watched Kimmy play his cousin's old Wii game. The game seemed right up Kimmy's alley, considering the player controls a white wolf and the fighting mechanics involved drawing. He offered to help when Kimmy struggled with drawing lines with the Wii remote, but the kid stubbornly wanted to do it herself.
After a while, when Kimmy saved her progress at a save spot, Ben asked if she wanted to play Wii Sports with him, pointing out there was basketball. She thought long and hard before accepting his offer. They ended up playing a few games of basketball until Ben offered to get their basketball hoop out of the garage and shoot some hoops for real.
For an hour or so, Ben showed Kimmy some shooting tips while they took turns shooting the ball in the driveway. They had to stop and move out of the way when Kayla lightly honked to get their attention and let her pull into the garage.
Claudia came over and playfully stole the ball from Kimmy and tried to encourage her to take it back before shooting it herself. The ball bounced off the rim and landed near where Ben was standing. He caught it with one hand and bounced the ball back towards Kimmy. Claudia intercepted the pass and dribbled the ball out of her reach.
"Come on, kid," Claudia continued to egg Kimmy on when she didn't make a move to take the ball back. The teen pretended to give it back, pulling the ball away just as Kimmy reached for it. "Sike!"
"Claudia, come on," Ben said, insisting she let Kimmy have the ball.
But Claudia continued her game. That is, until tears appeared. "Oh, stop. You can't just cry about it."
Ben continued to insist Claudia give the ball back.
When it didn't seem like Kimmy would take it back herself, Claudia let go of the ball in her direction and headed inside the house. Kimmy startled into action and quickly grabbed it before the ball rolled into the street.
Later, in their room, Claudia explained how Kimmy couldn't just rely on tears to get what she wanted.
"No one's gonna take you seriously if you do. All you can depend on is yourself, so you gotta stand up for yourself."
Kimmy stared at the floor, listening. She stole a look at the older girl.
"Trust me, kid. If you want to survive this crappy world, you gotta have thick skin. Can't depend on no one."
She looked away again.
"Not even Jesus or God, for that matter." Claudia grabbed her tablet from beside her. "Especially them."
Kimmy went into a deep thought. Ever since she checked out more of Wynonna Judd's music, YouTube kept recommending more of the woman's videos, including a song called, "Testify to Love."
Kimmy wasn't sure what testify meant, but apparently, everyone was meant to testify to love and somewhere down deep in her heart, she felt something tugging in her heart. Something about Wynonna's music was drawing her in. Something Kimmy just could not explain and wanted to know why, and Claudia's outlook on life only made things harder to wrestle with.
Putting on her headphones, Kimmy went into her watch history on the YouTube app and scrolled until she came to the song and played it once more as she listened to the words. She listened through the song, replaying it a few times until Claudia appeared in her side view.
Kimmy did not know what came over her, but she found herself taking off her headphones and standing up to walk across the room where she stood beside Claudia's bed.
Claudia looked up as the kid was coming over. "What's up, kid?" she asked when Kimmy was standing there.
Kimmy wrung her hands in the other, chewing on her lip. Her heart fluttered inside her chest as if she had just run over there.
"What's wrong?" There was a genuine concern in the teen's voice.
Kimmy dropped her gaze to her hands. She took a step back when Claudia sat up and put her feet on the floor.
Claudia reached out to her. "What's wrong, Kim?"
Hearing Claudia call her Kim instead of just kid, made Kimmy's head shoot up at her.
Kimmy wrestled the words unstuck from her throat just as she had done that day with Kayla. It took all her might to open her mouth once more.
"When I need to say something, I just blurt it out without thinking about it. Makes it easier to not stop yourself."
She stared back at Claudia. Taking a few deep breaths and a few tries, Kimmy blurted out, "C-can I give you a hug?"
Claudia's head jerked. "You want a hug?"
Kimmy nodded. Not for herself, though. She felt a pull as if Kimmy needed to give Claudia a hug this time.
But Claudia assumed Kimmy wanted it for herself and willingly offered a hug.
Kimmy quickly grabbed the older girl, wrapping her arms around her collarbone, and squeezed hard. She heard Claudia reassuring her and wanted to open her mouth to repeat the words back to her. She guessed her vocal cords could only muster up one thing at a time. So, Kimmy held on, remembering the part of the song when words weren't always enough, anyway.
After a minute or so, Claudia nudged the kid away. "You okay now?"
Kimmy nodded.
"I don't mean to sound like a bitch," she admitted. "I'm just trying to save you the letdown of life. But, I mean, hey. You can't even trust me. So what do I know?" Claudia then scooted backward on her hands to lean against where she had her pillows propped against the headboard.
Kimmy turned and headed back to her own bed, trying to wrap her mind around what had come over her. The only other time that happened was when their dad walked out on them and Kimmy tried to comfort Stella.
She sat back on her bed, lost in thought.
At least this time her efforts weren't rejected.