The party slowly died down as people ate their last servings and left, giving Jayden their birthday wishes and saying goodbye. Once everyone was gone, we helped clean up then we all showered and ended up in Camila's room.
"So how'd you enjoy your party Jay?" Camila sprawls out on her bed, Kaylee sits in one of the room chairs, I settle on the floor and as Jayden walks in he plops down next to me and lays his head down on my lap, "It was nice, the vibes were good."
"What I wanna know was if you enjoyed the party Ms. Gonzalez?" Kaylee questions mysteriously which results in Jayden and I raising our eyebrows. Camila smirks cryptically before she answered, "I would say I did."
"What does that mean?" Jayden finally asks since it didn't seem she was going to elaborate on her own. "Nothing." She shrugs unconvincingly and I started to feel anxious because I didn't want Jayden to go into protective brother mode.
"It's clearly not nothing."
"Okay, well how about it's just none of your business?"
"I'm your brother, of course it's my business."
Camila groans visibly regretting having even said anything.
"It's literally nothing, I just talked to a guy I think is attractive at the party, that is all. Can we drop it now?"
Jayden's eyes remained narrowed and trained on her but he didn't say anything else.
"How about you Kaylee? Anyone at the party you liked?" I asked in hopes of taking the heat and attention off Camila.
"No, not really." Her attempt to sound nonchalant and unimpressed were easily detectable but I saw no use in pushing the subject.
"That is complete bull, you definitely liked the guy you were talking to."
"I did not."
And the two girls begin to go back and forth at a pitch that seemed one decibel too high and a speed that was way too fast to follow.
Jayden sighs tiredly moving closer to me for what I assumed was warmth since Camila's room was freezing. I brush his hair back then lean down and lightly kiss his temple, since it was most accesible to me.
"Okay but marriage girl? Be so for real right now."
"What? That's not that delusional to say."
"Even Jayden and Jess wouldn't say that about each other."
"Yes they would, it's a mentality."
The girls look to us as if we were supposed to be following their argument and now know whose side to take. Jayden was practically passed on on my lap and I had honestly been dissociating for the past ten minutes so I didn't know what was going on and I'm sure that was evident on my face.
"Jay, be honest, would you—"
"Mmhm."
Jayden's hum in response interrupts the question as he keeps his eyes shut and arms cuddled with my thighs.
"Well listen, I don't wanna marry anybody right now I just want a first date you know."
"Then call him."
"What..?"
"I dare you, just grow a pair and call him."
I looked between the two girls like I was watching a tennis match. I didn't know whether to encourage it or not because personally, I didn't care if the girls went on an innocent date or two, I think wanting that is a normal part of growing up, but I'm also fully aware that Jayden does not have the same thought process when it comes to Camila.
"You have his number?" I ask hesitantly, "Yeah. We've been friends for a while." Kaylee throws her hands up dramatically, "You both clearly like each other, call him."
And Camila pulls out her phone and does just that. My eyes double in size and I hold a hand over my mouth when he actually responds and the conversation makes Jayden perk up
"Hey Mikey."
"Camila." Jayden's eyes were now open and it was almost like he was saying her name in a warning tone.
She flips him off and continues her conversation.
"Good. Yeah so, I'm gonna be pretty bored this weekend so if you're down—really? Okay, yeah I guess I'll see you then? Alright, bye."
The tension from the silence after she hangs up as we wait in anticipation was torture. Then finally Camila processes what just happened and looks at Kaylee.
"So he said he's been "feeling me" for a while, and he wants to hangout—"
"It's definitely a date!" Kaylee exclaims like it's obvious, "You don't just hangout with someone you're into."
I could feel Jayden getting riled up beneath me and I sensed this was going to take a negative turn.
"Bro that was terrifying—"
"You're hilarious if you think you're going on a date Camila."
She narrows her eyes at her brother with sass that was oozing off of her and Jayden sits up knitting his eyebrows together challenging her.
"You can't control me brother."
"Oh please Camila, give me a break."
She crosses her arms defiantly and his stare starts to get murderous.
"Are you deadass right now—"
I grab his arm and stand up forcing him to get up with me before he said anything crazy. Camila began to look a bit intimidated and as I pulled Jayden out of the room his eyes stayed trained on hers.
Once we were in his room I could really see how bothered he was by this.
"Bubs, it's not that big of a deal, it's just a crush it literally means nothing."
"All dudes of all ages have one thing on their mind."
I cock my head with a scoff of disbelief, "So what does that say about you?"
He gives me an indignant look crossing his arms over his chest, "You know what I mean." I shake my head with a genuine shrug of confusion, "I don't."
He was pacing at this point, "If any guy were to force that on or expect that from my sister— I don't know, I'd probably kill them."
I sigh and begin to squint a bit as I try to get him to understand that his perception was grounded in worst case scenario kind of thinking. "Jay I get that, and your reaction would be warranted if that were the case but you don't even know the kid. You don't know that his intentions are malicious, he could just wholeheartedly like your sister."
He shook his head still refusing to budge turning away from me as he spoke.
"Jessica you remember middle school."
"Maybe this kid isn't like that. Maybe this Mikey is good. It's possible the one thing on his mind is like homework and video games or something."
He turns back to look at me with a firm expression and clenched fists.
"I don't like him."
"Why don't you like him?"
I waited with crossed arms and a patient expression but he couldn't come up with a valid reason, "See? There is nothing wrong with Mikey. She can date Mikey, you can date Mikey, we can all date Mikey." His face contorts in confusion and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Don't give me that look, my point is— there's nothing wrong with this boy so you're not going to go around killing any middle schoolers."
He stares at me skeptically for a moment remaining silent as his fists slowly turned to open palms.
"What?"
"...People don't generally have the ability to calm me down."
He gazes at me for a few seconds more before walking over to his window and opening it, motioning with his head for me to follow him and climb out.
I narrow my eyes and throw my hands up in confusion at the sudden change but sigh and oblige, climbing out carefully so I wouldn't fall to my death. It seemed like there was more to discuss and I didn't mind sitting here with him.
We sat for a while on the warm roof tiles and it was silent. I couldn't tell if the silence was awkward or comfortable. I was still relatively new to this whole "people" thing, but I like to believe I was getting much better at it.
Eventually I break the silence, "So five or six years into the future what do you see?"
I didn't really like to think about my future often because I didn't know where it led. I didn't know what I wanted, where I wanted to be, or who I wanted to be with.
"Are you a therapist now Cortez?"
"Therapist. That's a good job, I'm pretty sure they make good money right?"
He eyes me weirdly while chuckling before staring off towards the night sky.
"Five or six years? I'm probably playing professional baseball. Most likely drive a Lambo. Big house— you're in it, yelling like always."
I watch him as he talks analyzing his body language rather than listening intently, which resulted in me missing his ending statements. Once he was done I turned to look back at the night sky, spinning the ring on my finger mindlessly.
"What's wrong Cortez? Why are you so quiet?"
"Are you saying I'm usually loud?"
"Yes." I laugh then fade out again.
When you're young you wish you could just grow up, once you grow up you wish you were little. I like being somewhat grown up but I was afraid to keep growing because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do after this.
"What are you thinking about?"
"A lot."
"I would like to be in your head for once."
"Trust me, you don't want to get stuck in my head."
He sighs grabbing a hold of my hand and pulling me so I would scoot closer to him.
"What's going on?"
"I'm just thinking." He sighed and I had to admire how much patience he had with me, "About?"
I let out a huge breath closing my eyes, laying my head on his shoulder. I could tell it bothered him when he couldn't decipher my feelings or thoughts.
"You already know what you want from life. You're set on what you want to do and I'm not. Up until now I've just guessed and made sudden decisions, you know—the stupid ten feet. At this age people expect you to know everything. I'm scared ten feet won't cut it anymore... Adults expect you to reach for ten yards or miles."
He shakes his head rubbing soft circles on my hand and I felt like pouting immaturely.
"You don't need to know everything."
"But I don't know anything. Life moves so fast, our middle school siblings were talking about marriage bro."
"You'll figure it out."
I'm sure I would, with time, but I didn't have much of that left before I had to decide.
"What's your passion?" I turn my head to him confused. He asks again and I shrug.
"You don't have much time for passion and hobbies when your main hobby is getting hit." I felt him cringe at my words, "Sorry." He disregards my apology simply squeezing my hand, "I just don't like to imagine anyone laying a hand on you."
His words oddly made me feel warm.
"Uh...I guess I enjoy helping others... I like kids. Suck at everything else." I felt his smirk without having to see his face. "I know there are a lot of jobs that have to do with that, but none of them speak to me."
I mainly hated talking about my future because it only confused me even more.
"How about nursing?" I shrug with a frown, "That's long hours and I'm lazy. What if I have kids? Can't take care of them without a nanny or something." He scoffs at my cop out, "We can alternate." My eyes went wide while my heart forgot to beat for a second finally catching on to what he said. "..We?"
Was it even possible for us to be a "We" that far into the future? Did I believe in us that much?
"We." He shrugs, his confidence never wavering, and I couldn't help the burning blush that devoured my face.
"What about a teacher?" The mood instantly sinks and it felt like the air got thin as I let out a cold definite "No."
"Why?"
And I didn't know how to answer without sounding like the victim. I was beyond tired of being and playing the victim.
"Because.."
"Because..? What do you have against teachers? Besides the obvious teenager bluff."
I stared down at my hands while one was still enveloped in his and contemplated answering.
"I just— It's," And for some reason I found myself stumbling over my words like a nervous child while he stared patiently waiting.
"You.."
"They just weren't there for me."
And he blinks for a second bewildered.
"Educationally?" I roll my eyes and shake my head at his initial assumption.
"I walked into school every day with something new. A bruise, a mark, a cut. Nobody noticed. Not for years. And the teachers that did notice never said or did anything— I just can't see myself..."
And I couldn't even finish my sentence as I started staring at my hands again.
"Then change that."
"Excuse me?"
My face scrunches in confusion and I start to wonder if my boyfriend was dull witted or if he actually had meaning behind his thoughts.
"All your teachers failed you and I'm sorry, that sucks, but you can be the teacher that actually gives a shit. There's only a few really good ones out there and it's honestly something I could see you doing."
I raise an eyebrow at him but don't immediately dismiss it. I know not all teachers are bad, just the ones I got ruined the entire vibe for me, but maybe I could be a different one. I could be the teacher that helps those children hurting in silence in all kinds of ways—academically, emotionally, home wise. That could be me.
"Maybe." And that was all I could manage to say.
~~
It was the last day of summer and coincidentally, my birthday. Despite my wishes Maria and Greg rented the nearest roller rink out.
All I wanted to do was watch movies and eat unnecessary amounts of food with the people I enjoyed the most, but my guardians refused. They knew I hadn't had a real birthday party since I was six, and they felt obligated to rectify that in some way.
Since this was going to be my junior year it was expected of me to have after high school plans, and to essentially know what I wanted to be.
I had settled on the idea of a teacher or something in that arena. To start packing my resume I scheduled daycare volunteering on Mondays and Wednesdays, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays I was going to help elementary and pre-k school teachers. I didn't start until tomorrow so I still had today to relax.
Maddie and Maya were sleeping over tonight, they would be starting school at my high school which gave me a relatively good feeling about this year.
It had been a while since I had been there, since I missed the other half of my sophomore year being at the foster home, so I feared it would feel like the first day all over again. I wasn't sure how much had changed.
I get up slowly and dress myself in a cropped black tight-fitted tank-top, light wash jeans and gold sandals. I blow-dried my hair and let it sit in messy waves, then scanned my whole outfit satisfied before bouncing down the stairs.
I get to the kitchen and the entire room smelled like pancakes. Maria and Greg both greet me with cheesy smiles.
"Happy birthday sweetheart."
"Aww thank you."
"Today's a special day." I sigh dramatically before sitting down on the bar stool with a grin. It felt foreign actually getting attention on my birthday.
Kaylee comes down looking grumpy and I choose to ignore her. When I'm done eating I go back upstairs and grab my phone, seeing I had a text.
Jay: Happy birthday bighead. In the mood for Starbucks?
I chuckle and roll my eyes, amused at his stupidity.
Jess: Thanks jerk. I'm always in the mood ♥
I went downstairs and called to Maria, "Hey, Jayden is going to take me to get coffee, I'll be back before we leave." She nods in acknowledgment.
I dash outside and see him waiting in his car for me. After locking the front door, I jump in his vehicle with a Cheshire smile anticipating the day that was to come. He looks at me with a smirk questioning my energy.
"Why are you so peppy?" I scoff in fake offense, "It's my birthday! Why aren't you peppy?" He shakes his head putting the car in reverse, "One year closer to death." I smack his arm annoyed with him as he chuckles.
We get to the Starbucks and I happily order my usual double chocolate chip frappé while he gets a cotton candy flavor, ultimately surprising me since I didn't think he actually liked coffee or coffee related drinks.
We finished our beverages in the car, chatting causally, before he drove me back home.
"I'll see you at the rink." I scrunch my face playfully, "I don't remember inviting you." He shrugs, "Well I've been stalking you so..."
I giggle leaning over the center console to peck his lips and pause there for a moment, "I find that very attractive." He raises an eyebrow suppressing amusement, "Me stalking you?" I nod like it's obvious and he laughs loudly pecking my lips once more before sending me away.
I jump out of the car and walk into the house with a big dopey smile on my face.
I'm immediately stopped by Greg who held a sour expression, "I told you to break up with that boy." I huff at him ruining my good mood and cross my arms firmly over my chest, "I'm old enough to decide whether or not I want to date."
Maria wanders in and Greg turns to her determined, "Did you know she was still dating this boy?" She scoffs nonchalantly moving gracefully around the room seemingly in search of something, "Of course I knew." He only grows more annoyed, "Why wouldn't anyone tell me?" I groaned wishing I were back in the car drinking coffee in peace.
"They never broke up."
"You know I don't like him, I want them to break up now. Do you know she kissed him?"
My eyebrows lower making a face wondering if he was serious, because it wasn't the first time we've done it. My mom gasps surprised, "Aw you did? What was it like?" Despite how awkward I now felt, I shrug keeping the face, "Not the first time, and it was just a goodbye kiss." She came over excited.
"Oh, so tell me about the first time." I started to tell her in a gossipy manner, seeing Greg growing more frustrated and enraged that she was encouraging me instead of taking his side. Watching this unfold, I decided it was better to just wrap up the story, go upstairs, and hide away in my room to avoid stirring up any more trouble.
I heard the argument continuing downstairs.
"What was that all about?!"
"He is a fine gentleman, I like him and so does she, so you have to deal with it. We're her parents now, we support her. You don't know who she'll end up with, but what if one day she doesn't want you to walk her down the aisle because of the way you're acting?" I heard him start to stomp up the stairs and approach my room. The door swings open and I look at him with expectant eyes.
"I'm walking you down the aisle right?" I shrug trying to rile him up, "I don't know. Can't have the man who hates my possible future husband giving me away to him." He seethes for a moment before he groans in defeat, "Fine. I'll talk to him today, if I don't like him then—" I interrupt him, "I'm not breaking up with him just because he rubs you the wrong way."
He maintains a stern expression, "Okay. I'll still walk you, but I won't be happy about it." I smile feeling touched by the notion that someone actually wanted to be my father this badly and do the customary fatherly things, "Deal."
He walks out grumbling and I couldn't help but laugh.
The time comes for us to leave and go to the skating rink. Once we arrive I was slapped in the face with the nostalgic sour smell of the worn out place and I see my friends already talking and waiting around. I wasn't sure why my guardians had invited so many people I hadn't talked to in months, I wasn't one for big gatherings.
I gave everyone a polite simple greeting and sent them all off to skate while holding back Maya and Maddie, the two people I effortlessly enjoyed, to be able to hold a real unforced conversation.
"How does it feel? Do you feel maturity coursing through your veins?" I roll my eyes giggling a bit, "Nope, feel about the same as I did last year." They chuckle at my joke.
The Gonzalez family finally arrives, Diego and Lily instantly entertaining my parents, Camila stealing Kaylee, and Jayden coming over.
"Is that him??" Maya gasps and I purse my lips. He reaches us and drapes his arm around me kissing my forehead. "Ladies this is Jayden. Jayden this is Maddie and Maya." Jayden smiles his polite charming smile.
"Well, I thought she was exaggerating, but no, you're as hot as she says you are." I immediately facepalm feeling his smirk emerge.
Dammit Maya.
"Well how hot did she say I was—"
"NO. We are not talking about this." I stop him quickly resulting in them all cackling together as I try to shake the heat from my face.
He sees I'm embarrassed which only makes his teasing grin grow wider while giving me a sympathy kiss.
"For the record, I did not make a big deal about his hotness." Maya rolls her eyes. "Well you know Maya has those voices in her head." Maddie says backing me up causing me to smile while Maya pouts.
We were about to go skate when Greg calls Jayden over. He looks down at me amused and surprised. "Yeah sorry, my new father wants to meet you." He smirks confidently, "No worries. Fathers love me." It only made me worry even more as he walked away.
Fathers? Like, multiple?
I watch from afar bubbling with nerves. They shake hands and slip into conversation, Greg was laughing in no time which I took as a good sign.
"Jess his pretty face will still be there if you look away, no need to fixate." I turn to her with a playful scoff, "Do you need me to let you borrow my boyfriend Maya? Cause I think there's a bit of drool.." Maddie nearly falls to the floor cackling as I shake my head going back to focusing on their interaction.
"Come on Jess. The guy is going to love him. Relax." I took her advice and followed them onto the rink deciding to have fun.
After a while I look over and see them still talking. I wasn't sure if it was a good sign or a bad sign. Maddie tries to distract me from the somewhat stressful situation with food and it worked for a while.
Soon we grew tired of skating and after a half an hour more I wasn't anxious anymore I was simply tired of waiting. I trudge over and look at Greg with crossed arms, "Yeah, hey dad. Can I have my boyfriend back?" Greg groans dramatically, "Why are you such a buzzkill Jess? We were having so much fun." I slap his arm lightly before pulling Jayden away with me and turning back to stick my tongue out at Greg.
"Yeah Jess, why are you such a buzzkill?" I pause and scoff releasing his arm, "I'm sorry, do you want more time on your date with my dad?" He throws his head back laughing, "What? Did you think he was going to steal me away?" I roll my eyes and try to walk away only to have him catch me and gently pull me back.
"Aww Cortez, don't pout." I didn't realize I was pouting. "I told you, dads loved me." I raised an eyebrow maintaining my now purposeful pout, "Dads? Plural?" He didn't understand my statement at first but when he did he found it utterly hilarious. I stood there for a good five minutes waiting for him to calm down.
"It wasn't that funny."
"Jealousy is adorable on you Cortez."
"Who says it's jealousy?"
He smirks pulling me close to him by my jean's belt loops.
"So you weren't jealous?" I shake my head over-confidently only making his smirk grow, "You didn't miss me at all?" I shook my head shrugging, "I was just worried about your safety." He nods slowly biting his lip not believing a word I said.
I was glad we were mostly out of view from everyone here.
"Worried about my safety?" I nod less confidently, my breathing getting shallower as he got closer, "Yeah. He's a guy who loses his temper..." I clear my throat trying to keep my voice from sounding shaky, "..quickly."
He moves so he was now inches away from my face. He smelled amazing, and his eyes seemed lighter than usual.
"The only person who can really hurt me is you Cortez." I swallow trying to demand my lungs to suck in air, "Why, because I'm like ridiculously strong?" I joke for comic relief and he lightly chuckles still maintaining his smirk and position. He was nowhere near as nervous as I was, which was normal, he was always mysteriously calm.
"No Cortez. Because you're one of the only few people I care about." That sent my heart on a marathon.
Our noses were barely touching before he stops, "Can I kiss you Cortez?" I suck in a shaky breath, "I really wish you would just hurry up and do it." He smiles shaking his head, "What a handful." And he crashes his lips against mine giving me instant relief. He was low enough where I could run my fingers through his soft hair without standing on the tips of my toes. He kept both of his hands on my waist and it was almost impossible to maintain focus when he smelled like literal heaven.
"Jess we're cutting the cake. Where are you?" He slowly separates from my mouth and rubs my bottom lip with his thumb before releasing his hold on me completely.
I gaze into his beautiful eyes for a moment longer, "There you are. Come on we're singing you happy birthday," before I look away to acknowledge Maria, "Coming." She smiles walking away.
"I really don't want to go." He grins knowingly, "You have to. It's your birthday." I groan and allow him to drag me back over.
As everyone stares at me with wide observant eyes, singing off-key and clapping slightly offbeat, I stand embarrassed with my hands clasped, not really knowing what to do with them.
When the singing stops my face is met with a face full of frosting from Diego. Everyone laughs as I frown wiping it all off.
Maria cuts the cake and we all eat together, and as the mood dies down everyone starts to slowly leave giving me gifts and their best wishes. The only people left were Jayden and his family plus Maya and Maddie, but they were sleeping over.
When we were done we said our goodbyes and made our way home. Upon arrival, we all relaxed and scattered to different parts of the house. I was happy to get some attention off of myself, having had enough for the day.
The girls and I cleaned up and changed, then settled in my room getting comfortable and chatting like old times.
"So how's life been on the outside?" I question the girls, messily organizing my gifts in my closet, not really knowing where to put most of them yet. "It's weird living with a boy, I never noticed the lack of regard for cleanliness before." Maya and I chuckled at Maddie's observation.
"There's been more of a focus on school and future careers at my place. It's kind of weird cause the foster jail never asked us those sort of questions, what are you guys thinking for it?" Maya asks laying upside down off my bed, Maddie smiles confidently, "Dancer, and you?" Maya shrugs and I feared she'd flop onto the ground any minute now, "I don't know. Stripper maybe? I need something that makes good money." We all laugh at her but understood the statement on a realistic level.
"What about you Jess?" I sigh turning off my closet light deciding to leave the mess as it was, "I don't know either, I want something I'll enjoy that's easy, and not too much school." They both nod agreeing.
"And what about Jayden?"
"What about him?"
"Is that a long-term thing?"
I scoff at Maya's forwardness.
"HE'S TAKEN." We all start to giggle immaturely but are startled by a tap on the window.
We freeze for a moment but eventually I stand up and open it, smirking as Jayden pokes his head in, "Speak of the devil." He raises an eyebrow wanting an explanation but I shrug denying him one.
"My mother wanted me to give you this." He hands me a card and I smile gratefully, "Tell your mother I said thank you." He huffs at my somewhat dry and hurried response, "You're not even going to invite me in?" I roll my eyes at him, "Do you want to come in?" He sucks his teeth, "No, but since it seems like you didn't want me here, now I have to." And he climbs in making the girls snicker while I scoff.
I occupy my bed while the girls sprawl out on the floor and Jayden takes a seat on my room chair.
"So we hear you're in it for the long run with our girl. I don't want to scare you hot stuff but if you break her heart, I'll break your neck." I hold my head in my hands while Maddie starts to die of laughter clenching her stomach.
No it's fine guys. Just scare him off. No big deal. Plenty of other fish in the sea.
Jayden smiles biting his lip and I was confused by his reaction.
"What're you smiling about?" He chuckles trying to put away his grin, "Out of all the topics of conversation in the world... you guys are sitting here talking about our future?" I blush not really knowing how to respond.
I lean and cover his eyes before looking over at the girls mouthing a very pissed off, "Way to go." To which they respond to with silent roars of amusement. I uncover his eyes and he immediately focuses on me again expectantly waiting for my answer. I try to shrug casually, "It just came up." He smirks and announces he has to go leaving us all to our girl talk, wondering what insane things our first day of school tomorrow would bring.