seungkwan wasn't wallowing at home. he was not.
was he listening to depressing songs about heartbreak? yes. was he doing that cheesy thing you see in movies where you watch a heartbroken protagonist eat a tub of ice cream and cry? minus the crying, yes. was he disregarding mingyu's numerous calls and texts? yes. was he pretending to be sick or busy with work whenever wonwoo asked him to hang out with them? yes and yes.
but, he was not wallowing.
a small part of seungkwan was beating himself up for waiting too long to confess to wonwoo. but when he thought about the new couple, he felt anger surge through him. he couldn't get the thought out of his head that mingyu was only with wonwoo out of pity. despite that, seungkwan also felt aggravated at himself for never noticing that wonwoo liked mingyu.
how could i have let that detail go unnoticed for so long?
and when seungkwan thought back, he should have noticed. the way wonwoo would treat the two of them like they were something so precious, but it was always something different when it came to mingyu. wonwoo was always more gentle, more thoughtful, more open to whatever mingyu suggested. wonwoo always wanted to bring mingyu with them everywhere, even when seungkwan was hoping to spend some time alone with wonwoo. wonwoo would always bring mingyu into the conversation, even if mingyu wasn't relevant to the topic. wonwoo was always touching mingyu's arm and playing with his own hair. wonwoo was always trying to initiate contact with mingyu. wonwoo always leaned in a little too close when mingyu was speaking.
these were things seungkwan did with and for wonwoo.
i really should have seen it coming.
but seungkwan didn't want to beat himself up any longer over what happened. a week had passed since then, since wonwoo told seungkwan he and mingyu were dating. a week since mingyu found out seungkwan liked wonwoo. a week since their friends congratulated the new couple. a week since they baked cookies in seungkwan's apartment.
god. the cookie date.
seungkwan knew he shouldn't have invited them over, and even having seokmin as a buffer didn't work out in his favor. having to watch the new couple be extremely affectionate with each other as they baked cookies, which seungkwan never assumed was a romantic activity, made the youngest feel like he was drowning. and even though seokmin was trying to keep the hang out as friendly as possible for the four of them, he would loudly coo whenever mingyu would hug wonwoo from behind and wonwoo would blush profusely. and, because seungkwan is a severely unlucky person, when wonwoo put flour on mingyu's nose, mingyu just had do that cheesy romcom thing and start a flour fight with his boyfriend. when seokmin joined in, that's when all hell broke loose.
seungkwan just stood in the middle of it, shoulders slumped as his friends threw flour and eggs at each other. so when it was over and the (flour) dust had settled, none of seungkwan's older friends were surprised when he was visibly annoyed. they made a mess in his kitchen, so while the cookies were in the oven, the three of them offered to clean the kitchen while seungkwan took a shower.
"don't sit on my couch!" seungkwan remembered shouting as he went to his room, assuming one of his friends would have sat down on the couch that was already hard to clean without the accompaniment of flour and eggs.
seungkwan was in the shower longer than he expected to be. the boy was deep in thought as he washed the baking ingredients off of his body and out of his hair, deeply regretting his decision to invite his friends – more specifically, the couple – to make cookies. cookies. he didn't know how to bake, nor has he ever had the urge to bake. he just wanted some homemade cookies, and he was planning on inviting wonwoo and mingyu over. of course, this was before the news of them dating came out.
when seungkwan eventually left the bathroom, he was startled when he saw wonwoo standing outside of the door. the oldest was munching on a cookie as he waited for seungkwan to finish washing up. seungkwan blinked in surprise as he looked up at his older friend, running a hand nervously through his damp hair.
"hey," wonwoo mumbled around the cookie, swallowing his bite and grinning down at seungkwan as he said, "we finished cleaning the kitchen. sorry again." he looked down apologetically, reaching over and holding seungkwan's hand with a delicate touch. there was still some flour on his fingertips, and he didn't want to piss off the young boy further.
seungkwan recalled feeling conflicted at the gesture, but he wanted things to appear normal between the two of them. in an attempt for normalcy, seungkwan rolled his eyes playfully as he said, "you want to shower, huh?"
wonwoo's face scrunched up as he looked up at seungkwan and jumped on the balls of his feet. "please! there's flour everywhere, kwan-ah." wonwoo whined, shaking seungkwan's arm desperately.
seungkwan couldn't resist the older boy. he knew this. so he eventually nodded and moved aside for wonwoo to enter his bathroom. seungkwan remembered wonwoo smiling at him and giving seungkwan the rest of his cookie. as wonwoo shut the door between them, seungkwan looked down at the cookie and sighed loudly. he took a bite out of the cookie and walked away, a small smile on his face at the taste.
nobody buttered up seungkwan like wonwoo.
after that day, seungkwan decided that he wanted – no, he needed – to distance himself from the couple. it was one thing to hang out with them all the time when his two best friends weren't dating and seungkwan was stupidly pining over wonwoo, but it was another thing to hang out with his two best friends who were now dating. it also didn't help that seungkwan was also still a little annoyed at the cookie incident. at least seungkwan could hide behind that and have his friends assume he was still angry about that and that's why they hadn't hung out in a week.
a week. ever since the three of them became friends, they hadn't spent that long apart. even when seungkwan was sick with the flu, wonwoo and mingyu came by to tend to him. when any of them were busy at work and couldn't hang out, they just hung out with them at work. sure, they didn't spend every day together, but they spent enough time together for this week apart to be noticed by the couple.
so when wonwoo and mingyu came knocking at seungkwan's door a week after the cookie incident, the young boy shouldn't have been surprised. of course, when it came to the two boys, seungkwan recently found himself start to question his ability in predicting their next move.
"hey, kwan-ah." wonwoo greeted with a warm smile, leaning over to give the youngest a hug. he backed away and walked into the boy's apartment. he took off his shoes as he said, "we knew you weren't feeling good, so we decided to come over and cheer you up!"
seungkwan nodded absently, watching as wonwoo headed towards his living room and rambled on about the movies and snacks he brought. once the oldest was out of earshot, he turned around and smacked mingyu's arm harshly, not caring when he saw the taller boy flinch and clutch his arm. "hyung, what the hell?!" he hissed quietly, dropping his voice to below a whisper.
"i tried to stop him, i swear." mingyu whispered back, leaning close to seungkwan so that wonwoo couldn't hear them. this was obviously just a flimsy excuse to stand closer to the younger boy. the way the youngest's eyes burned, the way that fire was directed at him, didn't sit right with mingyu.
seungkwan just huffed quietly, turning around and heading into his kitchen. he opened his freezer and stuck his head inside, needing to cool off somehow. the presence of his friends was usually welcomed, but right now the young boy felt nothing but agitation at the surprise visit. he didn't have the guts to tell them to leave, so he just sucked in a breath as he closed the freezer and walked into the living room.
wonwoo just put a dvd into seungkwan's ancient dvd player – something his parents handed down to him in an attempt to get the youngest to stop streaming everything. the oldest sat down on the couch, smiling up at seungkwan when he sensed his presence. wonwoo pat the space between him and mingyu, an inviting smile on his face as he waved the youngest over.
"come on, kwan-ah." wonwoo said excitedly, patting the seat once again.
seungkwan bit his lip nervously, glancing at mingyu momentarily before he turned to wonwoo with a concealed grimace as he said, "don't you want to sit next to mingyu?"
wonwoo laughed quietly. "nah, i'm getting kinda tired of him," he joked, sending a wink to mingyu before he looked at seungkwan and continued with a grin, "and i'm in desperate need of my kwan-ah!"
wonwoo noticed the unsure look on seungkwan's face. he reached into his bag with a grin, pulling out a plastic container and saying, "mingyu brought us some of that tiramisu he was talking about the other day." his voice lilted as he waved the container in seungkwan's general direction.
seungkwan felt his feet carry him to the kitchen, furrowing his eyebrows at himself as he grabbed three spoons. he was even more confused when he ran back into the living room and hopped into the open space between the couple. the boys chuckled at their friend's excitement as the boy snatched the container out of wonwoo's hands and asked, "which one? the strawberry one, or the white chocolate one?"
mingyu leaned in close to seungkwan's ear as he said, "the white chocolate one."
seungkwan let out a small cough, forcing out a laugh as he opened the container and handed the boys a spoon each. "let's dig in." he said quietly, choosing to focus on the tv as the long commercials played. seungkwan pretended to be interested in the next marvel movie coming to theaters as the three of them ate the dessert together.
the tiramisu was great, seungkwan knew it would be. though, after a few bites, he found himself enjoying it less, the giggles of the boys he was sitting in between ringing in his ears. seungkwan sat back as wonwoo tried to feed mingyu some of the dessert, smiling cheekily as he moved the spoon towards his mouth and ate it. mingyu groaned and loudly complained, leaning over seungkwan and pulling the spoon out of wonwoo's mouth, deciding to put it in his mouth so the oldest couldn't eat anymore. this made wonwoo scoff loudly and reach over seungkwan to grab his spoon.
needless to say, seungkwan was happy when he needed to stand up to find the remote.
the couple quickly settled down when seungkwan returned to his seat, focusing on the movie that was starting, though it was obvious that neither of the three were actually paying attention to the screen. seungkwan tried to, he really did, but when mingyu faked a yawn and stretched his arm over seungkwan's shoulders, he couldn't help but let out a loud scoff.
the two older friends turned to the youngest in question. seungkwan laughed nervously as he turned to mingyu and said, "come on, gyu. that's so pathetic. the fake yawn? if you want to wrap your arm around your boyfriend, just say so."
"i–"
wonwoo laughed as well, leaning over and flicking mingyu's forehead as he joked, "yeah, babe. and your arm isn't even touching me. your hand is barely on my shoulder."
mingyu looked down at seungkwan in confusion. the youngest rose his eyebrow in challenge, gesturing to wonwoo with his head. mingyu connected the dots, laughing nervously as he looked at wonwoo and said, "ha. sorry, hyung. i overestimated how long my arm was."
"well, i have a perfect solution to your problem." wonwoo said with a cheeky grin as he looked between seungkwan and mingyu.
seungkwan assumed that wonwoo would ask him to switch seats, but he couldn't help but gasp quietly as wonwoo leaned onto his arm and wrapped his arm around his waist and placed his other one on top of mingyu's arm that was still on seungkwan's shoulder. mingyu and seungkwan felt their eyes widen as seungkwan was abruptly pushed onto mingyu's chest. seungkwan looked up at mingyu in annoyance, silently saying look what you did with his eyes as he glared up at the taller boy.
"is this fine?" wonwoo asked as he focused on the movie, snuggling into seungkwan's shoulder and letting out a contented sigh.
"yep." seungkwan said in between gritted teeth as he continued to stare at mingyu.
mingyu nodded softly as he looked down at seungkwan with a small frown. "y-yeah, hyung. that's perfect." he whispered, looking away for the sake of not wanting to see the hateful glare seungkwan was directing at him.
the three of them continued to watch the movie, seungkwan frowning slightly as he eventually had to lean closer to mingyu for a more comfortable position. seungkwan could hear the older boy's heartbeat beating rhythmically, the pace soothing seungkwan and helping the youngest finally focus on the movie.
seungkwan frowned again as he felt wonwoo and mingyu interlock their fingers around his shoulders. before he could dwell on it further, wonwoo reached over and joined his other hand with seungkwan's, giving the boy a squeeze absentmindedly as he kept his attention on the movie. the boy felt himself hold a breath in as he looked down at his and wonwoo's interlocked fingers on his lap. even though wonwoo's hands were cold, seungkwan had never felt so warm.
if seungkwan was being honest, he didn't know what the movie was about.
and as the night went on and the trio pretended to watch more movies, seungkwan felt even more conflicted. seungkwan could tell that wonwoo was trying his hardest to include seungkwan in their conversations and even fed him snacks, but all the youngest noticed was wonwoo looking over seungkwan's head and smiling at mingyu. all seungkwan noticed was wonwoo rubbing his thumb over mingyu's knuckles.
all seungkwan noticed was mingyu's hand that found his way in his hair.
seungkwan had a sinking feeling in his stomach that this is what it would be like from now on: the couple would try their hardest to include him, but seungkwan would always be in the way. not literally like he was right now, but the youngest knew that while mingyu still had feelings for him, seungkwan would always be in the way. in the way of mingyu moving on properly. in the way of wonwoo's happiness.
seungkwan didn't want to do that. he wanted both of them to be happy. so he decided to stay their friend, but he needed to make boundaries within himself to make sure he doesn't get in the way, even if it is unintentional.
and as seungkwan saw the way wonwoo looked at mingyu whenever the boy would stand up to change the movie, his eyes shining brightly as he watched his boyfriend fumble with the dvd cases with the softest smile ever, seungkwan felt stupid. so stupid.
i really should have seen it coming.