CHAPTER SEVENTEEN !
⤷ ❝ MATT LORE. ❞
THOSE IN THE UCLA DINING HALL sitting next to zara, issac, and gabriella are probably annoyed. the three of them are speaking quietly so that only they can hear the first and last names they are dropping, but when they laugh, they start squealing around in their seats like they're stepping on legos.
they were supposed to be in the dining hall for a coffee to push them through their assignments, but it quickly turned into a rant session. isaac and gabriella don't complain. they never wanted to work on the calc homework anyway. now they're listening to zara's passionate rant about everything and anything that has been bothering her recently.
current topic.
grayson!
"i understand why grayson has to be away all the time for soccer. i do! trust me!" zara whisper-shouts, her hands gesturing animatedly as she speaks. "i don't mind, but i do mind that the time we do spend together feels forced. like hanging out with me is such a burden in his schedule."
isaac glances up from his notebook, his brow furrowing in concern. "has he been traveling a lot lately?" grayson has been doing more traveling than anything else recently. since meeting zara met his parents, he's been in new jersey, he's been oregon, he's been in washington.
how about be home? please!
zara nods. "yeah, he's been all over the place for games and training sessions. and whenever he's back, it feels like he's so busy catching up on other stuff that we barely have time to talk. like really talk." zara sighs. "he told me that us being together in season would be hard, but like why is it this hard?"
gabriella leans in, her expression sympathetic. "have you tried talking to him about it?"
zara lets out a frustrated sigh, her lips forming a thin line. "of course i did," she shakes her head as she recalls grayson's reaction. "but he just brushed it off, said he was too tired to deal with it. and then, of course, he had to leave for san francisco that same night."
isaac and gabriella exchange concerned glances, sensing the tension in zara's voice. "when did he leave for san francisco?" gabriella asks as she takes a sip of water out of her hydroflask.
"tuesday."
isaac's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "two days ago?" zara nods to confirm what he heard. "and he hasn't texted you since?" he asks with his jaw dropped, setting his notebook aside and giving zara his full attention.
zara laughs as if it's the funniest thing she's ever heard. "as if," she confirms. "when we're not in a fight, grayson and i don't talk much when he's away. he doesn't have time to argue with me right now."
gabriella scoffs. "that's not fair to you," she says. oh zara knows. why do you think she's even more mad at grayson than she was before! "he should make time. doesn't matter how much he's been kicking a ball around."
"do you know if he's back now?" issac asks with a thoughtful expression on his face.
"he's either already back or he's almost back, but he hasn't reached out to me yet," she responds as she rests her head on her hand.
gabriella frowns before pulling out her phone from her hoodie pocket. "let me check the ucla soccer team's insta," she says, tapping away at her screen. "they're always posting some shit on there."
issac snorts. "they swear they're the shit."
"real," zara says with a sigh as she watches gabriella click on her phone screen. suddenly, gabriella's eyes widen in disbelief, her jaw dropping open. isaac and zara notice her reaction and turn to her with puzzled expressions.
"what is it?" issac questions as he's already leaning his head closer to see gabriella's screen. because he's sitting next to gabriella, she easily tilts her phone screen for him to see. his jaw also drops. "oh wow."
zara furrows her brows. what are they so shocked about? she needs to know immediately. "wait i want to see." she attempts to lean over the table to catch sight of the phone screen. "is it grayson?"
issac and gabriella share a look. "no," gabriella says before turning her phone screen around. "but this is crazy."
em.jagger posted a photo to their story
"that is fully matt sturniolo," isaac says, laughing slightly. "since when are he and emily jagger a thing?" zara already knew that this was an ongoing thing, but she didn't know matt was actually being serious.
gabriella shakes her head, equally bewildered. "i have no idea," she responds. she furrows her brow as she clicks off the story. "since when does matt let his hoes post him on social media?" gabriella is asking the important questions. this is new from matt. seems like matt is changing his ways. maybe settling down for once.
"i think it's been a thing for a little bit now," zara chimes in. "they were together a couple of weeks ago at the bar, and then i saw matt snapping her thirst traps shortly after. i don't know how long exactly though."
isaac raises an eyebrow, intrigued by zara's insider knowledge. his nosy ass wants to know everything about everyone. "and you didn't tell us?" he asks, feigning offense.
"didn't think it was that big of a deal," she shrugs. "but i guess i was wrong." zara assumed that emily was just another one of his girls. everyone did, no offense to her.
isaac's expression turns slightly pouty as he leans back in his chair. "i'm kind of sick, actually." he takes a dramatic deep breath. "i always thought matt would come to his senses and realize he's in love with you." zara and gabriella share a look. "but every day, my dream gets a little further out of reach."
zara rolls her eyes, but there's a hint of amusement in her voice. she knows issac is joking, but also not. issac swears that boy is normal. no. matt sturniolo doesn't do relationships. she's not sure what prompted his change of heart.
"maybe it's time you start dreaming for more accessible things," she teases. "maybe like frank ocean dropping a new album."
gabriella laughs at their banter, shaking her head in amusement. "yeah so issac not happening," she quips, her tone light-hearted.
isaac lets out an exaggerated sigh, his hand dramatically clutching his heart. "another dream crushed," he says, feigning despair. "what's next? north west doesn't become my best friend?"
zara laughs, shaking her head at isaac's dramatics. "shut the fuck up." she picks up gabriella's phone and this time is sure to search for ucla soccer's instagram page. "can we go back to stalking my boyfriend now?"
"fine," issac agrees, slumping back into his seat. "but mark my words, if grayson doesn't fix his act soon, i'm going back to team matt." he crosses his arms over his chest. "not that i ever left anyway. i believe in matt. he will come to his senses."
zara chuckles, rolling her eyes affectionately. "there is no team matt." that's true. there is no team matt. there hasn't been literally ever. he already lost.
"honestly, i'd just go to team 'zara be single' if this doesn't work out," gabriella adds. zara honestly has to agree. she doesn't have another talking stage in her. she does not give a fuck about how anyone slept or what their favorite color is. truly.
zara laughs, shaking her head. "me too honestly."
MATT IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE WHITEBOARD in one of the student-athlete pods in the athletics building. the door is shut as he tries to fill the whiteboard in front of him with brainstorming notes for an upcoming essay, but his mind keeps wandering elsewhere.
he's supposed to be brainstorming ideas for an argument talking about how nil is good for college sports, but also acknowledging the other side. it's extremely biased for matt to be writing an ethics essay on the topic, considering he is an athlete with an nil, so he just doesn't know what to do.
usually when he has to write essays like this, he would just ask zara for help.
zara.
matt sighs.
he had been doing so well not thinking about her recently. but now that she's on his mind, he might as well think about how he's been acting around her recently.
he's been a better man. truly! he's stopped shamelessly flirting with her. he's stopped interacting with all her instagram posts. he's stopped fighting for a spot next to her on the couch whenever their friend group is hanging out. he's stopped staring at her longer than he should.
being better!
he even found a new girl to focus on. this time, dropping the other girls to really be a good guy. now it's a big turnaround in just two weeks, but he feels like he's on the path to being someone zara would be proud of.
ever since he made the conscious decision to stop worrying about her and grayson, he's noticed the not so subtle changes in his behavior. he wonders if zara has noticed these changes too. does she even care?
his gaze flickers to his phone, sitting on the desk beside him. he remembers emily's instagram story. usually it's something he would tell a girl to take down, but matt let her keep it up. did zara see it? she follows emily so what he wants to know is if she noticed him with emily?
as matt scribbles out another point in messy hand writing, he wonders why he kind of wants zara to care. he shouldn't care what zara thinks. he shouldn't want her to notice him. he shouldn't want her to care.
but deep down, a part of him does. and he can't help but wonder why. maybe it's the thrill of the chase, the challenge of winning over someone who's always seemed out of reach but now more than ever. maybe it's just because it's zara and he wants her to notice him, to care about what he's doing.
she hasn't seemed to be doing a lot of that recently.
matt shakes off his distraction and returns to his computer, determined to make some progress on his essay. as he settles in front of his screen, his fingers poised over the keyboard, a sudden knock at the door breaks his concentration.
he furrows his brow, not expecting any visitors at this hour. with a sigh, he calls out, "come in."
the door creaks open, and to matt's surprise, grayson steps in. matt's initial annoyance is quickly masked by a polite smile, but inwardly, he curses his luck. of all the people to interrupt his thoughts, it had to be grayson. why is he everywhere?
"hey, matt," grayson greets him, his voice tired but cheerful. annoyingly cheerful. just like always. he looks like he just got back from traveling, his bags slung over his shoulder.
"hey," matt responds, his tone polite but lacking genuine warmth. there's literally no reason for grayson to want to be speaking to matt one on one. he should just go home to zara or something.
"i saw your name on the tag outside and thought you might be the guy i'm looking for. can i come in?" grayson asks him. matt wants to say no, but knows he really can't.
"yeah, sure," matt replies, gesturing for grayson to enter and take a seat at any of the open seats in front of him.
"thanks, man." grayson walks in and settles across from matt, looking a bit nervous. "so, uh, i need your help with something."
curiosity gets the better of matt. "what's up?"
grayson hesitates for a moment before speaking. "it's about zara."
matt's protective instincts immediately kick in at the mention of zara's name. his brow furrows, and he leans forward slightly, his gaze fixed on grayson. "what about her?"
"things have been off between us." grayson sighs, his shoulders slumping slightly. "since zara met my parents."
matt's concern deepens at grayson's words. he knows that zara already had worries about that, but matt thought it went well. "what happened?"
grayson hesitates, clearly reluctant to tell matt all the details. "it's just... something went down with my parents," he explains vaguely. "and because of that i haven't been the nicest to her."
matt's expression hardens as he absorbs grayson's words. he hates seeing zara upset, and the thought of grayson being the reason doesn't sit right with him. "what did you do?"
grayson's voice falters, his gaze dropping to his hands in his lap. "a couple of days after zara met my parents, i had this... conversation with them," he begins, his words hesitant. "and it just made me start to second guess things, you know? get in my head about zara and us."
matt listens intently, his concern for zara growing with each word grayson speaks. "and because of that, i started to distance myself from her."
matt's jaw tightens at grayson's admission. he hates seeing zara caught in the middle of grayson's doubts and insecurities. "so, you just stopped talking to her?"
grayson nods. he at least looks remorseful but what the fuck? "i didn't want to talk about it, so i just... shut her out." grayson sighs. "and then, right before i left for this trip, we got into this big fight." no wonder he isn't home with zara.
"you didn't want to talk? what was so bad that you just didn't want to talk for two weeks?" matt asks, trying to keep his tone even. he can't understand how grayson could treat zara like this literally days after they said i love you.
sounds fake to him.
grayson shifts uncomfortably in his seat, clearly struggling to articulate his thoughts. matt isn't even sure why grayson brought this issue to him. matt is quite literally a snitch.
"it's not that my parents don't like zara. they love her. they think she's great," grayson begins. "but they're not sure if she's... you know, the right one for me."
"what do you mean?" matt is confused. zara is the girl that you would love to bring home to your mom. she's smart and attends one of the best colleges in the country. she's sweet to everyone. she's funny. not to mention she's so beautiful that she's literally a model.
who's parents wouldn't want their son dating her?
"my parents want me to find a girl who's serious about settling down, starting a family, being a wife, all that stuff," he explains, his words laced with uncertainty. "they're not convinced zara fits that mold. they don't think she's mature enough."
matt scoffs. who do his parents think they are? like actually. "how mature do they want zara to be at 20 years old?" he asks. "she's still in college. it's not like she's supposed to have her entire life figured out already. baby names picked out and all."
grayson shifts uncomfortably under matt's scrutinizing gaze. matt didn't mean to make his disappointment so known, but it just makes him mad. "i know, i know," he stammers, looking increasingly uneasy. "but my parents have certain expectations. they want someone who's ready to start a family. they want me to want that."
"you think zara isn't capable of that?" matt shakes his head. he and zara have had many conversations about that. zara has said that she wants to have kids and get married, but she doesn't want to do it so soon that she doesn't get to live her own life first.
"if you knew zara at all, you'd know that she's not even thinking about life in that sense yet. she wants to make her own living and be fully supporting herself first." matt shrugs. "honestly, her making that choice makes her more mature than most people i know."
grayson sighs. "my parents' opinion is everything, matt. i can't just ignore it."
"you can't just ignore your girlfriend either," he counters. "but if you do, you're the one who has to live with the consequences."
"i realize that now and that's why i'm here," grayson replies. "i want to do something special for her, something to show her how sorry i am."
matt narrows his eyes slightly, a hint of confusion in his expression. "why couldn't you figure something out yourself?" he asks, genuinely curious. "you should know what she likes."
"i just... i thought you might have some ideas. we've never been in a fight before," he mumbles, clearly embarrassed. "you're close with her, and i figured you'd know the best way to make it up to her."
matt's lips twitch with annoyance, but he keeps his composure. he knows exactly what would make zara happy, but matt decides he's not telling him. simply out of spite. "get her flowers and go to her house to apologize." matt's eyes go back to his computer screen. he's ready for this conversation to be over. "she loves sappy shit."
grayson's face lights up with relief. "thanks matt!"
matt simply nods in response, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. "yeah, no problem. just make sure you actually follow through this time," he says with a hint of sarcasm.
as grayson stands up to leave, a small smile plastered on his face, matt's irritation flares up again. he hadn't meant for his comment to come out so snappy, but grayson seems oblivious, too wrapped up in his own relief to notice.
"alright, man. thanks again," grayson says, slinging his bag over his shoulder.
matt simply grunts in response, his attention already returning to his computer screen. he can feel grayson's gaze linger for a moment, but soon enough, the door clicks shut, leaving matt alone with his thoughts once more.
with a heavy sigh, matt rubs his temples, trying to shake off the frustration. he knows he should be happy that grayson is finally trying to make things right with zara, but a part of him can't help but resent how grayson's actions have hurt her.
genuinely all matt wants to know is why him?
matt's car rolls to a stop in the driveway. he sits for a moment, savoring the stillness that surrounds him, grateful for the familiar sight of his home with the lights on. it means that both of his brothers are probably home at the same time for the first time in like forever. they are all always so busy.
with a heavy sigh, he unbuckles his seatbelt and pushes open the car door. stepping out onto the pavement, he stretches his tired limbs, feeling the strain of a long day's work settling into his bones.
the air is crisp and cool against his skin, a welcome relief after spending hours cooped up in stuffy classrooms and on the crowded practice field. from a long film session, to an even longer tactical practice, to homework for three hours, matt is tired.
only two wins about this are that hockey season is around the corner and that his favorite season of fall is here.
turning towards the front door, he takes slow, deliberate steps across the neatly trimmed lawn, the soft crunch of leaves beneath his sneakers soothing to him. the porch light flickers to life as he approaches, welcoming him inside.
he kicks off his shoes in the entryway, the weight of the day's exhaustion lifting from his shoulders with each step he takes further into the house. the soft sound of chris talking echoes through the hallway as he makes his way towards nick's room, the anticipation of finally being able to unwind propelling him forward.
matt pushes open the door to nick's room, finding his chris lounging on the bed, engrossed in a conversation his phone as he chats away on facetime. matt wonders why he doesn't have any airpods in, but then he looks at nick, who has headphones on probably full blast, focused on editing photos for ucla football.
chris glances up at the sound of the door opening, a bright smile spreading across his face as he sees matt.
"hey, matt. what's up?" chris greets him, pausing his conversation for a moment to acknowledge his brother's presence.
nick, completely absorbed in his editing work, remains oblivious to matt's arrival. his headphones are snugly in place, effectively blocking out any external noise.
ignoring nick's obliviousness, matt walks further into the room. "who're you talking to?" he knows it's alessia. these days, it always is.
chris grins back, lifting his phone to show matt the screen. "alessia."
alessia's face appears on the screen, her smile warm and genuine as she waves at matt. "hey, matt!" she says cheerfully. at the sight of matt she furrows her brow. "you look tired."
"is that you nicely telling me i look like shit?" matt teases, knowing that's not what alessia meant at all. he and alessia have formed a bit of a friendship since her and chris started talking. it's honestly crazy for him to think about it.
alessia flores. crazy.
"yes," chris says. matt sends a middle finger his way because he has no energy to do anything else.
"no, matt," alessia corrects with a playful role of her eyes.
matt snorts and then plops himself on the beanbag chair on nick's floor. matt knows nick would scream if matt got on his bed with outside clothes.
"craziest thing happened to me today." he glances over at nick, who still hasn't noticed his presence, and adds, "i don't even care if alessia hears because i need a girl's opinion on if this is crazy or not."
"matt lore?" alessia leans in closer to the screen, her eyes sparkling with interest. "sign me up."
"alright, so," he begins. but before he can dive into his story, chris seizes the opportunity to draw nick's attention away from his editing. with a mischievous grin, he grabs a nearby pillow and hurls it at nick's head, causing his brother to startle and turn around sharply.
"what the fuck is wrong with you?" nick says with a glare. one thing about nick is that he does not play with his editing.
"hey, pay attention! matt has a story to tell," chris announces, a note of excitement in his voice as he gestures towards matt.
nick, finally tearing his gaze away from the computer screen, furrows his brow in confusion. "this shit better be good."
with all ears now on him, matt takes a deep breath.
"so, i was at the library, trying to finish up that essay for ethics class, right?"
chris chimes in from the bed, his head propped up on his hand. "the one you've been procrastinating on for weeks?"
matt rolls his eyes. "yes, it was. i finished it now though so who cares." chris shrugs and matt continues. "anyway, i was there, minding my own business, when suddenly, grayson shows up out of nowhere."
"he comes into my pod looking all serious like he's about to fucking ask me for a kidney or some shit."
chris and alessia chuckle at matt's dramatic retelling, while nick leans in closer, intrigued by what matt has to say. matt explains everything. he tells them about grayson and zara being in a fight because grayson is an idiot.
he explains grayson saying his parents love zara, but they're not sure if she's 'the one' for grayson because she's not fitting into this mold they've set for his future wife or whatever.
"...and then he asks me for help," matt concludes, his brows furrowed in annoyance. "he wanted me to give him advice on how to make it up to zara."
nick grimaces in response and matt feels validated. he's not crazy! "why would grayson come to you?" he asks, echoing the sentiment running through matt's mind. "you guys aren't even close."
"exactly." matt scratches his head. "alessia do you think it's weird for grayson to be asking basically an ex of zara's for advice with her? like you would die if chris did that."
alessia listens intently to matt's story, her expression thoughtful as she considers his question. "yeah chris don't ever do that," she begins, her brow furrowing slightly in contemplation. "but i think it's different and depends on the context of your relationship with zara and how grayson perceives it."
chris interjects with a raised eyebrow. he's glaring at matt and matt just knows it's over matt telling chris he wanted zara and grayson to break up. wanted! he's done with that now!
"wait, ex? matt and zara were a thing like, what, freshman year?" he says, a hint of skepticism in his tone. "that's ancient history." matt rolls his eyes. that's true for what chris knows. no one but zara, matt, and dorian (because dorian caught them kissing one day) know that they were friends with benefits. at least that's as far as matt knows.
"still an ex," nick says with a nod. see! "maybe grayson doesn't even know about your history with zara," he suggests. "or maybe he does and he just trusts your judgment."
"yeah, maybe grayson doesn't see it as a big deal since you and zara are just friends now," alessia adds. "sometimes people can move past their history and focus on the present."
"yeah, maybe," matt responds, his voice slightly strained.
matt shifts uncomfortably in his seat, feeling a pang of unease at the mention of being friends with zara. it's true that they're friends, but matt just feels like... feels like their friendship means more. is worth more.
he doesn't really know how to explain it but it makes him feel some kind of way.
"i think it is a little weird that grayson asked matt instead of like nick, or gabriella, or issac, but i don't think he meant anything by it," chris says, earning hums of agreement from everyone.
matt doesn't know. he feels weird.
VAL SPEAKS
i've been cooking recently let's see how long this lasts!!!