Lauren sat on the porch of the old house the group had claimed for the night, nursing a half-drunken bottle of whisky she had found tucked away in one of the cabinets. Unfortunately, that had been the only thing they had found in the house.
They had developed a sort of routine after being on the road for a certain amount of time, a very depressing routine. Find a house, try to scavenge, come up pretty much empty-handed, sleep on empty stomachs, and then pack up and do it all over again the next day.
She was staring blankly out into the darkness surrounding the house, sipping from the bottle periodically and hoping the booze would help to dull the ache in her heart.
Daryl made his way outside, leaning against the porch railing as he looked out over the woods. There was a slight chill in the air, winter would be upon them soon. He glanced over at Lauren for a moment, taking note of the whisky but saying nothing. He knew what the bottle represented.
"You gonna say something or you just gonna watch me drink?" Lauren said after a moment, not even looking at him. She kept her eyes on the trees as she took another sip.
Daryl gave her a side eye before turning back to the woods. "Ain't none of my business what you do to yerself."
"You're right, it's not." She agreed, taking another swig.
Silence fell between them for a few moments before Daryl spoke again. "It won't help ya know."
"I know that." She said simply, continuing to drink. "No offense but you're not exactly the person I should be taking drinking advice from."
Daryl didn't take her insult to heart, he never did. Besides, she was right, at the beginning his solution to pretty much everything was to get shitfaced. His drinking had calmed down the past few months, mainly due to the lack of alcohol at their disposal.
He shrugged his shoulders and leaned his head back against the frame. "Ain't advice, just a fact. A bottle ain't gonna numb the pain. It'll make ya forget for a little bit, but it'll come right back when ya sober up."
"Well, that sounds like a problem for future Lauren..." She drank again, leaning back against the wall of the house. She looked up at him again, offering him the bottle.
Daryl looked down at the bottle for a second, a small part of him was tempted to take it, but he shook his head. He couldn't keep the group safe if he was drunk. "I ain't touchin' that."
"Suit yourself." Lauren shrugged, taking it back. She was clearly already a little tipsy. Daryl wondered how long she had been out here by herself. "It's the only thing we found in this damn house, might as well use it."
He sighed at her stubbornness, but he wasn't going to try to stop her from getting drunk. She was a grown woman, she could do it to herself if she wanted. "You know Rick would tell ya off if he saw ya drinkin' like this."
"Why do you think I'm on the porch." She rolled her eyes. "Rick has other things to worry about than my drinking. Besides, I'm not drunk... I'm barely even tipsy."
Daryl looked at her for a moment before he spoke in a deadpan tone. "Oh, right. "Barely tipsy"." He motioned to the bottle in her hands. It definitely didn't look like the work of a barely tipsy person.
"It was half empty when I found it." She muttered, looking down at her shoes.
Daryl took in her state, she seemed to be doing worse than he originally thought. Her back was pressed up against the wall as she sat on the floor, clutching the bottle in her hands. Her face was flushed and her eyes were rimmed red like she had been crying. Lauren noticed him looking at her.
"I know you think it's stupid to miss him." She said after several minutes of silence. Her voice was thick with emotion that she was trying and failing to cover up.
Daryl looked down at her, suddenly a bit more sympathetic. "Who said I thought it was stupid?"
"I can see the way you're lookin' at me." She rolled her eyes. She wasn't stupid. "Shane was a bad guy... I know that. But you didn't know him like I did... before all this."
Daryl remained silent. The truth was, he had been judging her a little. Shane was a bad guy, she knew this, everyone in camp knew this, so why was she missing him so much? Daryl knew they had been close before the world fell apart, but he had always just assumed Shane was more Rick's friend than Laurens, maybe he had misjudged just how close their relationship was. "Ya really loved him, didn't ya?"
"He practically helped raise me... I mean, he was my brother. " She sniffled, keeping her eyes down. "He was a good guy, he was... But those last few weeks on the farm? It was like I didn't even know who he was anymore."
Daryl took a deep breath as he listened. "He wasn't that man you knew, he was somethin' else. He was dangerous . He tried ta kill Rick. You really miss a guy like that?."
"Doesn't really matter now, does it? He's dead." She said, almost bitterly. "Now we're stuck living out of our cars, going house to house, wondering if we're gonna make it through to the next day..."
"You wanna feel sorry for yerself and drink? You do that." He said, a slight edge in his voice. "But I'll tell ya one somthin', this pity party yer thowin' ain't gonna change a damn thing."
To his surprise, he heard a breathy laugh from Lauren. He cocked his head, he had been half-expecting more self-pitying and sad sighs, not a laugh. He looked at her, trying to see if she was serious or mocking him. "You laughin'?"
Lauren shook her head, still laughing. "No, no, I just- I should've known this would turn into a fight."
Daryl felt a tinge of guilt run through him as her almost unhinged laughter filled the air. He hadn't exactly been the most understanding person, and that wasn't fair to her considering all she was going through.
"I wasn't tryna get into a fight." He mumbled, his tone more gentle than it had been a moment ago.
"I know, you never are." She smiled to herself, tears still staining her cheeks. "But with the two of us, it always ends up being one."
Daryl looked down at the ground for a moment as he thought about her words. They did tend to end up in the same situation every time they were alone.
"Yeah, alright. But I ain't wrong, ya know? Feelin' sorry for yourself won't change a goddamn thing." He said, sounding harsh again.
Daryl saw the small smile on her face that she failed to stifle and his eyebrows raised. He was used to her fighting back when he spoke to her like this, having her yell back angry and upset. This new emotion she was showing was confusing him and he didn't know how to react to it.
"The hell's funny?"
"You." She said, leaning back against the house. Daryl furrowed his brows, ready to get defensive before she continued. "I mean, not you, it's just... this feels a lot more natural than the whole comforting thing."
He seemed a bit taken aback by her statement. She was right it seemed, Daryl wasn't exactly the comforting type. It was a lot more natural for him to argue than it was to console.
He remained leaning against the porch railing, looking at her a moment before speaking up. "So you'd rather argue than me try ta say anythin useful?"
Lauren shrugged, laughing and shaking her head like she was questioning her own logic. "Yeah, I guess I would."
He stayed silent a moment as he took in her state. He was still confused by the change in conversation but he was also intrigued. "So, yer sayin' ya like arguing with me?"
"Surprisingly, I don't hate it... I mean, it's kinda like the only consistent thing I have in my life right now so I guess us arguing is sorta comforting in its own weird way." She admitted with another confused laugh, shaking her head and trying to articulate her thoughts. "But I'm just the girl drinking alone on the porch so what do I know?"
He smirked at her explanation. It oddly enough made sense to him, even if it was a bit crazy. He let out a small chuckle. "I mean, it ain't such a weird way ta feel. Most of the time I've known ya we been fightin'."
His voice was still rough but he had a smirk on his face, showing he was enjoying their banter.
"Yeah." Lauren smiled, looking out into the trees again. "I hated you guys for a while. Mostly Merle, but still."
"And? You still hate me now?" He asked, joining her in sitting against the house. He glanced at her and followed her gaze out into the woods.
"Oh, yeah, can't stand you." She said seriously, not even looking at him. She finally spared him a glance and a smirk tugged at her lips.
He returned her smirk, the comment leaving him laughing a bit. His rough demeanor was slowly beginning to dissolve as they continued to go back and forth. He kept sparing her small glances, keeping his words playful.
"I ain't surprised, I ain't exactly easy ta love."
Lauren raised an eyebrow, looking slightly amused. "Oh, look who's throwing the pity party now."
"Shut up." He muttered, a small snicker escaping his lips. For a moment he had considered changing the topic, but she seemed to be enjoying the back-and-forth banter. "I ain't throwin' no pity party, jus saying the facts. I ain't a good person, I know that."
She looked at him, cocking her head to the side in confusion. He seemed to be speaking genuinely, not attention-seeking or self-pitying, simply like he believed exactly what he was saying. "That's not true."
He turned his gaze back to the forest upon hearing her say that. Her defending him felt... nice... but he couldn't bring himself to believe her.
"Don't gimme that bullshit." He scoffed lightly. He couldn't have her believing that he was actually a good person when he knew that was far from the truth.
"I'm serious..." She said, studying his face as he looked out at the trees. "I've seen bad people, you're not one."
His brows furrowed a bit as he listened to her words. Maybe she was right, maybe he had just become too cynical over the years and that had somehow made him think that he was worse than he was. Still, though, something didn't feel right. He could acknowledge that he had done some good things over the past few months, but that didn't erase the bad.
"Whatever." He said, roughly. She didn't say anything but he could feel her looking at him and as hard as he tried to keep his focus ahead of him, his gaze returned to her.
Neither one of them said anything but he did hear her breath hitch a bit as he turned. They were now sitting quite close to one another but Daryl made no attempt to move away. The silence dragged on for a good bit, neither one of them making attempts to pull away. This was probably the closest they had ever been to each other, face to face, aside from their previous arguments.
Daryl's breath quickened a little but he remained motionless, still looking at her. He was studying her eyes, they had always been his favorite feature of hers, even when he'd first seen her, the first thing he had noticed was the striking green color. Now, so close to her, he was noticing details he hadn't before. He noted the flecks of brown and gold that littered her irises amongst the green and the honey-colored ring that surrounded her pupil.
He saw her gaze shift towards his lips for a moment and it sent a chill through him. He had seen moments like these when he was younger, in TV shows and movies, but he naver thought he would end up experiencing it for himself. The tension between them intensified and the silence suddenly felt deafening as all he could hear was his heartbeat pounding in his ears.
Fueled by liquid courage, Lauren leaned in, closing the space between them and pressing their lips together softly. Daryl was taken aback by her sudden action but as their lips met he couldn't help but kiss her back. The tension that had built between them made it even better, it was like every fight, every argument, every previous disagreement had been leading up to this moment. Bringing his hand up to cup her cheek, Daryl deepened the kiss and nearly lost it when he felt Lauren melt into his touch. Daryl never had much experience with girls, he had always felt sort of insecure in situations like this, and Merle's constant teasing definitely didn't help, but this time was different. With Lauren, it felt right... until he tasted the alcohol oh ner lips.
He pulled away, a wave of shame running through him as he registered what had happened. He had been so taken aback when she kissed him, he hadn't even considered just how much she had been drinking.
"Shit." He muttered, putting some space between them as he fought to catch his breath.
Lauren looked at him, concern etched onto her features as she searched his face for what could be wrong. "What?"
He looked at her for a moment, shame overcoming his face. He felt terrible for what had just happened. He had taken advantage of her and wasn't going to make any excuses for it.
"You're drunk." He said simply.
"What?" She furrowed her brows. "I'm not, I'm fine." She insisted, shaking her head with a laugh.
Daryl gave her a skeptical look, noting her flushed face and wondering how much of that was from the kiss and how much was from the liquor.
"Yeah, yer fine, sure." He said sarcastically, trying not to come across as too harsh.
"No, really, I am." She repeated. "I swear, Daryl."
He rolled his eyes at her denial, picking up the empty liquor bottle beside her and shaking it lightly. There was barely any liquid left in the bottle and Daryl felt his guilt grow. She hadn't exactly started drinking all that long ago which meant she had downed almost the entire bottle within the span of a few hours.
"It's late. Y' should get some rest, sleep it off, Imma keep watch." Daryl said, rising from his spot on the porch.
Lauren looked at him in utter disbelief, her face flushed with embarrassment. "Right... okay."
She got up from her spot as well, avoiding eye contact as she awkwardly shuffled past him into the house, leaving him alone on the porch. She walked into the living room and strategically tiptoed over the sleeping bodies scattered across the room. She sank down beside Carl against the back wall and leaned her head back with a huff.
What have you done? She mentally scolded herself. You and Dixon finally get to a place where you can stand each other and you have to screw everything up by kissing him? Fucking idiot.
She really had no idea what she was thinking. What on earth had Daryl done to give her any indication that he was interested in her? Sure, there were times when he had stuck his neck out for her and it seemed that somehow in her delusional mind, she had taken that for more than what it was.
The front door opened maybe an hour or so later and Daryl stepped inside. She felt her stomach knot as they locked eyes across the room and she quickly looked away.
Daryl didn't bother hopping over people to get into the small room, he simply set himself up beside the door, glancing at Lauren periodically. She had somehow managed to fall asleep finally. His stomach fluttered each time his gaze landed on her and he kicked himself for it. She handmade a mistake, that's all it was. She was drunk, that was the only explanation. But the kiss had awoken something inside of him, feelings he tried very hard to push down since the beginning. Lauren was a smart, beautiful, college-educated young woman who had no business being with someone like him. Daryl knew that when the morning came and she had sobered up she would regret it.