Heart racing. Mind swirling. My leg bounces up and down rapidly. I stare at the hospital ground. They put all the firefighters from 19 into a waiting room. Amelia and Carina ended up getting paged. They were trying to convince me to get looked at. To help with all the pain I feel flowing through my veins and with each movement I make. My arm. God, my arm is throbbing. I can't move it. It hurts to even touch it, but I'm holding onto it with my other hand like it's helping soothe the pain. Maybe psychologically it is. To me it's helping.
Jack won't stop asking if I need anything. Every 5 minutes hit's;
"Do you need anything?"
"Do you need some water?"
"Some pain medicine?"
He's sweet. Truly. From that and asking if I want to see a doctor. But I told him and them, I'm not seeing anybody, I'm not getting checked until Andy is okay and awake. They finally got her stable. When I saw them shock her I felt sick to my stomach. It's... It's weird seeing her like that. It's something I don't want to see ever again. I don't think I physically can. I won't. Even when I woke up in that place and saw how scared she was but tried to play it off to make me feel okay. We were in a shitty position. I put her in that position. This is my fault and he was right.
"Kid, you look tired," Jack gently whispers. I keep my eyes on the ground. My leg still bouncing. I wince with each one. "Please let Carina look you over. I don't want you to-"
"I can't," I sadly whisper. "I don't deserve it."
"Y/n-"
"Guys," Vic says, cutting Jack off. I pick up my head and see Grey, Bailey, and Amelia standing at the entrance of the waiting room. I stand up hurriedly, wincing in the process. My hand still holding onto my arm for dear life. My eyes look at each one of them. That burning question sits unsettled. That question of is Andy okay? Is she alive?
I clench my jaw and lock eyes with Amelia's. A small smile forced its way to her lips.
"Is she okay?" Bishop asks, holding onto Carina's hand. Carina had been in the waiting room with us. All of us.
"She made it through surgery," Grey said finally. A sigh of relief escapes from everyone. I keep my eyes on Amelia though trying to get a read on her. She wouldn't let me. But I knew she was worried about my injuries. They can't be good but I don't trust anything right now.
"She made it through surgery but?" Jack asks next. I see him out of the corner of my eye, his arms crossed over his chest standing beside me.
"There was few complications," Grey continues. "We managed to get through it though, but the rest is unfortunately up to Andy."
"Wh-What do you mean?" I choke out. My eyes finally moving off of Amelia's and to Meredith. Her eyes meet mine and she too forces a smile when we lock eyes.
"We don't know when she'll wake up."
Silence surrounds the room. I stare dumbfounded at the woman. "She was shot, not anything with the head. Why don't you know when she'll wake up? Will she wake up?"
My words come out fast and unsteady. I barely could understand myself when I spoke. The tears starting to build up again.
"There was trauma to the head," Amelia gently speaks. My eyes flick to her's. "Our theory is the trauma done to Andy's body from the bruising and the swelling along with the gun shot wound, we think her body's reacting differently than normal."
"Why?" I ask, straightforward, feeling tears slip down my cheeks.
Amelia shakes her head from side to side. Everyone was silent.
"We don't know Y/n," Bailey speaks finally. Now my eyes flick to her. She doesn't force a smile. Her eyes were sad looking at me. I shake my head from side to side.
"Do you know anything? Does anybody know anything? She can't not wake up! She has to wake up! Make her wake up!" I shout, shaking through it. I could feel everyone's eyes. The room growing heavy with it. I toss my head back then look at them. "Please! Do something! She's a firefighter! She was shot because of me! I should be in that hospital bed not her! Please do something! Don't let her- Don't let her go out like this!"
I couldn't see now. The tears blurring my vision. Nobody was saying anything.'I needed someone to say something not just let me yell at them. Why are they letting me just yell?
"Y/n, they've done everything they can," Jack says easily after a couple of seconds. His hand raises and gently is rested on my shoulder. I jump and move away, turning my head to meet his sad eyes. There was tears in his own eyes looking back at me.
"No. Not everything. She'd be awake if they did," I say not thinking. I look at the three and shake my head, walking past Jack and heading to the door. I feel him try to grab my arm, to stop me but his fingers just brush me as I keep walking.
"Y/n-"
"Jack, give her a minute," I hear Sullivan say. I walk past Grey, Bailey and Amelia and out of the waiting room. My body shakes with each step I take. I didn't know what the hell is happening. I don't know where the hell I'm going, I'm just going. I have too. I can't stay in there. I probably would have ended up saying much worse things and I don't want that to happen. I already feel bad for saying what I did. Or do I? I don't know.
I head down the hall. Nurses and doctors eye me curiously. I probably look unwell. All the dried blood and bruising and the burn from the lighter probably isn't what they want to see from a kid walking around. Unsupervised.
I walk up to a nurse station and stand there for a second. She looks up and meets my eyes. Her eyes go large and she stands swiftly. "Im okay. I don't need medical attention. I just need to know which room Andrea Herrera is in," I say, low. Her eyes stay wide. The conflicting thoughts hide in her eyes as she nods and looks at the computer. She types a couple things. The sound of the keyboard makes my body tense.
"Looks like she was just placed in room... 312 A," the nurse informs me and looks up from the screen. I bite my bottom lip and look from the left down that hall then to the right down that hall. Slowly I turn my head back to the nurse.
"Which way is that?" I ask, my voice softer now. The nurse gives a small smile as she looks around and whispers to a nurse that happens to walk back there. The nurse looks at me then nods, sitting down. The nurse helping me, walks out from behind the counter. She motions for me to follow. I see her wondering eyes, glancing me over. I know she wants to help medically but I can't accept it. Not right now. Not till I see Andy. But I don't know if I really want to see her in her position... Situation. Knowing it's my fault. Knowing that from that room, from the ambulance and from seeing her in that trauma room. I don't know if I can see her in that hospital bed.
I follow the nurse. My head slanted down a bit as we walk down the hall and take a right then stop at the room on the left. I look up, finding the nurse has stopped.
"She's right in here. If you need anything, there's a button in there, on the wall. Can't miss it. Or come find me. I'll help," the nurse gingerly smiles and I nod, thanking her softly. The woman nods and heads off. I stand in front of the door. A low sigh escapes my lips as I look at the door in front of me. Slowly I move my hand off of my arm and grab the knob turning it. I push open the door and head inside through a crack. I barely open the door.
My body slips in. I close the door behind me but keep my eyes to the ground. A shaky low breath escapes my lips as I take a couple steps in. My hand reaching back up, hitting my hurt arm in a painful way. I flinch, clenching my jaw to somehow rid the pain but it doesn't really work. I just wrap my fingers around my arm and squeeze lightly.
Slowly, I fight the urge to finally lift my head. Second by second I lift my head and spot the bed before seeing Andy. My eyes go wide and my heart breaks. My stomach drops. I gulp, but feel sick to my stomach.
I step forward. Forcing myself to. One step at a time I walk towards seeing more and more what the damage really was to the woman. My eyes stare in guilt and disbelief. Her eye was swollen. Cuts and bruises surround her face. Stitches provided on her right temple where she was hit from the vutt of that assholes gun. I bite the inside of my cheek seeing her arms. Rope burns covered her wrists. I look away and shake my head.
"I'm so sorry Andy," I whisper walking over to the bed. Gently I sit on the edge of the bed. My eyes scanning her up close now. I felt, no feel sick seeing her like this. It wasn't right. It isn't right.
I clench my jaw and tilt my head looking at her face. Bruises formed since we were saved. The blood was gone, they cleaned her up. My body shivers as I remove my hand from my arm and reach down, grabbing Andy's hand gently. She felt cold. My thumb moves back and forth gently as I give a small squeeze.
"I'm so sorry. Please don't give up. Your team needs you. We all need you. I need you A.... mom..." I whisper and shiver again, squeezing her hand. "I love you. You're my home and I don't know if I can do this without you. Please. Please be okay."
I drop my head. My eyes closing as tears slip through. I can feel my heart beating, pounding inside my chest. It burns almost as I sit there holding this woman's hand. Holding my birth mother's hand. Which is still so crazy to me but at the same time I just wanted her awake. I needed her to be awake. The moment I know she's truly okay, the moment I can relax.
A low sigh escapes my lips. I squeeze her hand one more time before lifting my head.
"She looks peaceful right now," a voice speaks behind me. I jump up and turn around swiftly. My hand letting go of Andy's as I flinch and wince at the movement. My hand flies up to my arm as I lock eyes with blue ones. A cop. He smiles lightly. His hands in his pockets. "You haven't gotten anyone to look at your injuries." His eyes glance me over a couple times before coming back onto my eyes. He waits a moment. I stay silent and he drops his head. I eye him curiously as he steps forward standing at the end of Andy's bed. I take a few steps away and distance myself from him.
"Wh-Who are you?" I ask, finally speaking.
"A close friend to Andy." He looks at the woman then at me. "My name's Ryan. You must be Y/n."
I nod my head up and down slowly. "How'd you know?"
"I know a lot," Ryan says, shrugging. He keeps a his small smile looking at me. There's a sadness though in his eyes. The same one I've seen in Jack. I look away and to the ground. "She'll wake up, you know. She's a fighter."
"She's a hell of a fighter," I whisper earning a light chuckle from the man.
"She let you cuss like that?" He asks and I shake my head. "She'll wake up. I know she will."
"You don't know though."
"Ever heard of something called a gut feeling?" I turn my head to him and our eyes lock. He tilts his head and I slowly nod. "I got a gut feeling even though... Seeing her like this sucks. It does and it hurts but during times like this you have to keep positive."
"Even if you're the one that put her in that hospital bed?" My voice is low, too low and I feel sick to my stomach again.
"It wasn't your fault."
"It feels like it was. All of it does."
"Y/n-" Ryan says easily, cautiously. I pick up my head but not to look at him, but at Andy. "It's not your fault. She doesn't think it's your fault. It was that asshat's fault. But you don't have to worry about him anymore. He's dead."
"That's what the cops told me last time."
"I'm not like the other cops. I try to be one of the good ones."
I shift in my position. My eyes on the unconscious woman in the bed. "Is he really dead this time?"
"Yeah. They shot him a couple times. He can't hurt you or Andy anymore. You're both safe. I promise you that."
Slowly I let go of my arm and extend my pinkie finger to the cop. I turn my head slightly but don't go to meet the man's eyes.
"Pinkie promise?" I whisper and out of the corner of my eye I see him nod. His small smile trailing up again as his own pinkie finger lifts as he takes a couple steps towards me and locks with my own finger.
"Pinkie promise."
A cough appears from the bed. Both of us jump and move our fingers. I grab onto my arm and tilt my head looking at Andy. Ryan steps forward and the woman's eyes open slowly.
"Andy?" Ryan speaks and a small smile forms on the woman's lips as she moves her body steadily. I bite my bottom lip and smile lightly before feeling my legs give out beneath me and my body fall. My eyes close and someone shout. She's awake.