Everyone returned after dinner. Atlas had received the salt delivery and promptly worked on having all places tended to. Lucas had brought up my dinner and I ate rather quietly in the bedroom. He was very cautious of my demeanor and I could tell it made him anxious.
"Is something wrong Sash?"
"No," I said tipping the can of Brisk back.
"You seem upset." He said grabbing my hand and rubbing his thumb over it. The feeling of pure comfort in one gesture.
"Okay, something is wrong." I needed to tell him something so I wouldn't leave his gut feeling up in the air. The last thing, however, would be my confession of Atlas.
"Hanna basically threatened me with your history together. It was childish and I honestly don't want to spend my time around someone like that. I know she's your friend and all so you can stay but I think I rather be dropped off to a station or something for the rest of the week..." I said staring down at our entwined hands.
Lucas's face was shocked and upset, a mix of emotions and only a bit of what would have happened had I disclosed my previous affair with Atlas.
"Uh...I honestly didn't know she would treat you this way. But Sasha, I don't want you to leave alone. We can go together."
Great. This was now feeling like I'm a dramatic partner and coming off as clingy, controlling, but most of all jealous.
"No, it's fine. I'll go Lucas. Enjoy your time with your other normal friends. I'll be fine. Plus I could recover from this." I said pointing at the bruise which had now fully discolored into a deep blue and purple on my head.
He was watching me with complete disbelief in his eyes. I felt terrible putting him in this predicament, choosing me or his close friends.
"We can go, Sasha. I made a commitment to you, and my word stands."
I felt a piece of my heart physically crumble and the guilt was now amplified by a million. This man, yet again proclaiming his loyalty by choosing me over them. I had to be the one to sacrifice now.
"No Lucas, I'm sorry. I'll just stay here with you. I'm sorry. If we leave I'll be as childish as Hanna. I rather just stick it out and avoid her."
I gently smiled at him and he bursted into his famous boyish look. He leaned down and kissed me tenderly. When he let go, there was a longing in his eyes, a lust for me. I couldn't give him what he wanted, I was sore from Atlas and I was now feeling overwhelmed with guilt. Why would I give myself to someone other than Lucas? Could I vow a lifetime of loyalty to him? Would it be fair?
"My head still hurts, so we won't be able to...you know..."
He nodded in sincere agreement.
"It's okay, Sash. I'm actually going to get ready for bed with you. I can't wait to sleep."
We laid in bed and fell into a deep slumber. The next morning we were awaken by banging on our door.
"That would be the signature Fritz breakfast knock," Lucas whispered in my ear. He was referring to Morgan and James Fritz.
We walked down the stairs and were greeted by a full table of a proper English breakfast. It was my first time trying it and Atlas teased me about the beans on toast. He was obviously flirting because Hanna nearly choked on her tomatoes at his comment.
"Well, Atlas, tell me, what girl's got you this cheery?" Hanna asked.
Atlas continued cutting into his breakfast and shrugged his shoulders. An expected response as the group accepted.
"Maybe Candace Hart, you know his future wife" Lucas chuckled prompting a deathly look from Atlas and then he diverted his look to me and back down to his breakfast.
"Just joking Atlas, you know how the Hart's are. They're waiting for the Barlowe boy to make a union extension. That's the thing with this world, everything's so political." Lucas said now fiddling with his plate.
"Candace Hart...Candace...Hart...Oh the blondie with the curls and she's just very American like Barbie you know," Morgan chimed in.
"Yeah that one, met them at a family gathering I think for Atlas's 18th or something...wow girls been chasing after you a minute. Hope you've tossed her a bone." James said.
"I don't toss bones to girls. I fuck them and have only loved one," Atlas says just catching his words as they slipped out. His eyes widened but he tried to play it off. Unfortunately the blush across his cheeks said otherwise.
"Love? Who is Mr Atlas Barlowe in love with?" Hanna shouted slapping Atlas in the arm.
"For one, a lady with manners." He said lowly.
Lucas looked at Atlas confused since his confession wasn't shared.
"Must be that girl he's been after for a few years," James said grabbing more toast.
"Oh yeah, what ever happened to the mysterious girl from the apartment?" Morgan said.
I nearly choked on my drink and had to excuse myself as a coughing fit had ensued.
"Uh...she and I see each other every now and then." Atlas said satisfied with his answer. I wanted to pounce on his for his seamless confession.
Lucas cocked his eyebrow and said, "well, guess we haven't caught up as much as we used to."
"It's complicated. She's kind of in a relationship but not really all there for it. Im just hoping we get to smooth out our edges and see that we're meant for each other."
The words make my heart race and my eyes are widened beyond belief. I retrieved to the fridge where I was able to pour another cold glass of water and drink it burning my tongue cold.
"Oh my gosh! Atlas! Can we see this mystery woman? I need to know the woman who's got your heart!" Hanna shouted in her screechy voice.
Panic had set in and I hadn't made my way back to the table.
"Uh no, a beauty like hers cannot be captured through film. I hope to introduce you all when her and I end up at the end of the aisle," chuckled Atlas tipping his glass of orange juice back.
I was shocked by his words but made my way back to the table where Lucas gave me a nod to make sure I was okay. I smiled and sat down next to him continued to eat.
"So, Sasha, where'd you go to school?" Hanna blurted obviously trying to embarrass me since they all had gone to the prestigious Oxford.
"Stanford," I said nonchalantly. The groups eyes widened except Lucas and Atlas who had already known the information. I never spoke about the school I went to because it wasn't something I wanted to be valued at. I worked hard to get there and harder to get out.
"Stanford!" James and Morgan shouted. Hanna's mouth dropped and I could see a piece of egg drip down her lip. I wasn't sure off their reaction since Oxford was more prestigious than Oxford globally.
"Yeah, but I don't really talk about it. It's not that big of a deal."
"I mean, it totally is. You go girl!" Morgan cheered and lifted her glass.
"Thanks," I said shyly.
"You don't talk much to be fair. So you work with Lucas? And what else? Where did you grow up? Where did you work before?" Hanna sneered over her annoying clanking of silverware across the ceramic plates.
"Jesus Hanna, you can interrogate the poor girl all you want but she'll end up being a Gold faster than you can finish that plate." Morgan sighed.
I let out a genuine laugh that caused Lucas to squeeze my thigh and giggle with me. Atlas blared a cold look at us but the group was ignorant of it.
It was true though, I didn't talk much. I rather stay to myself and in my own thoughts. I just didn't find the point of carrying on meaningless conversations.
We spent the next week in the same manner. Eating, skiing, and Hanna trying to retreat a reaction from me. I hadn't felt any need to satisfy her with it but didn't want her prying into my life anymore. On the last day I was eager to leave I had securely packed away everything for our trip back.
Atlas and I had not had an encounter alone again. Instead I learned so much about both Lucas and Atlas, how similar they were and yet how different. The guilt came and went, some nights I'd spent replaying what occurred with Atlas and I, other nights I was content being in Lucas's embrace.
When it was time to leave, Hanna hugged Lucas too long for my liking and plastered a pink cheek kiss that stained his porcelain face.
"Oh sorry Lucas! Sasha can clean that for you," she smiled devilishly at me.
"Yeah, I have makeup remover. Those cheap lipsticks always leave a stain," I commented before unwrapping a to-go wipe.
The group laughed except Hanna and Atlas. Atlas was starting the car and packing things in. He made it his mission to avoid any interaction with Lucas and I.
The drive home was a blur. I was so sleepy I ended up switching with Atlas and taking the back seat an hour into the drive.
I could feel Atlas wrapping a blanket from the front passenger seat over me and Lucas thanking him. I was grateful for the sleep so I would avoid both of them being in the same car as me.