Arthur was gone. He hadn't left a note but his things were packed and a serving girl had told Merlin that Arthur had run off with his stuff without a word. Merlin didn't know what to think, or what to feel. He knew what he had done. And he knew he was wrong, but the stubborn part of himself refused to run after him. He even refused to connect the dots. He refused to acknowledge that after everything that's happened, Arthur's feelings were more than clear. The broken look in Arthur's eyes haunted him. And Merlin didn't deserve the meaning behind it, no matter how much his heart longed to believe it.
The worst part was, his anger had faded and Merlin was faced with exactly how unsensical his initial conclusion was. The way Arthur had behaved didn't speak of revenge. Arthur hadn't even taken Uther's call. Arthur had simply turned away from Uther. What about that was evil? The anger was now replaced by guilt and shame.
Merlin had been the one to ask Arthur for the whole charade. MERLIN had been the one who let it escalate to this point. Everything Will had accused Valiant of doing... hadn't Merlin done the same thing? Hadn't he been the one playing with Arthur's feelings? He hadn't even acknowledged their friendship before this weekend. Hadn't ever thanked Arthur for helping him and then he'd gone and lashed out at Arthur for doing the same? No wonder Arthur hadn't confided in him, Merlin was an arsehole.
Merlin's heart ached and burned, so he did the only thing he could think of doing besides calling Arthur. Because Arthur was on a plane and therefore would have his phone off, the idiot. Merlin closed his eyes.
'What am I supposed to do with this garbage?' Merlin still had the ticket. It rested in his hand, and thought by thought, Merlin could feel the weight of the ticket increasing. Arthur had kept this for years. Arthur had carried around like a promise and a treasure. And Merlin had called it garbage. "Who's the trash now?" Merlin mumbled to himself.
The phone rang for a couple seconds before a tired sounding Morgana picked up. "Merlin? The hell are you waking me up for? I'm on vacation, remember?"
Merlin bit his lip. "I messed up." His voice broke with his emotions.
Morgana was silent for a second before she seemed to shift wherever she was. "YOU messed up? Not Arthur? Now that I gotta hear. Does Valiant know about the-"
"I don't care about that right now. I-" Merlin interrupted himself. He hadn't thought he was still capable of cracking his voice but that had just happened. "Fuck, Morgana, I think I really hurt him."
Morgana seemed to wait for him to finish, before her voice dropped to a rare gentleness. "I doubt that you did. Arthur isn't easily hurt. Where is he now?"
"He caught an early flight home."
"Oh." Morgana sounded more than shocked. "What the heck? What on earth did you do to make him run away? That man didn't even run when Uther threatened to disinherit him for giving Gwaine a job!"
That... stung. "I honestly don't really know." Merlin swallowed. He did, but he couldn't really fathom it. He refused to accept it. Because the people who told him about Arthur's feelings were people whom they had fooled. "What do you know about the ticket in his wallet?"
Morgana's voice now turned cold and almost threatening. "What did you do to it?!" It resonated with her. Morgana KNEW.
"I called it garbage." Merlin wondered how much Morgana knew. What he took from her reaction was that she had definitely kew it was important to Arthur. Which meant that Penelope hadn't been kidding. This hadn't just been something Arthur said, even MORGANA was aware of it.
"That's all?" Morgana sounded confused. "You didn't like... steal it, or drop water on it?"
"That's all." Merlin felt somewhat relieved, although there was a hint of disappointment there. "I mean, I may have grabbed it rather tight when he gave it to me, but it doesn't look like I broke anything." Merlin ran his thumb over the laminated piece of paper, finding to his surprise that the ticket was worn, as if Arthur had done the same thing a dozen times.
"Wait... you have the ticket, but Arthur is gone?" Morgana sounded confused. "He GAVE it to you? Indefinitely? What the- When Arthur lost that ticket in Italy, he moved heaven and hell to get it back. That thing is more important to him than ANYTHING he owns. What the hell do you mean you HAVE it!"
Ba-dump.
"What?" There was a pause. "Morgana, ... do you know how he got the ticket?"
Morgana hesitated. "I'm not sure. Arthur never told me. He just had it one day and kept staring at it when he got sad. He said someone really important gave it to him. I always assumed it was a present from Mithian when they were still together. She was the only girl he could stand to be around. He must have really loved her, I've never seen him this besotted with anything else before-"
Merlin's mouth dropped open, heart nearly leaping out of his throat.. "Morgana-"
"You should give it back to him, Merlin. I don't think that man can function without it."
"Morgana, it wasn't Mithian."
Morgana shifted again, her voice suddenly dangerously on edge. "What do you mean? Then who gave it to him?"
"It was me."
Morgana turned silent for a full minute. Sixty seconds was a very long time for a conversation. The seconds ticked by as Morgana seemed to process the information. "I- hold up...! YOU?!"
And so, Merlin began to explain the entire story to her. He tried to put all the pieces together as neatly as he could, but of course he only had his own side of the story. It took a while for him to finish, until finally, he went silent and let Morgana stir in the new information for a while. She seemed to be frantically typing as he talked and Merlin wondered if Morgana was taking notes on her laptop to make sense of everything. He wouldn't blame her if she did.
"That..." Morgana paused. "Oh my god, I'm such a FOOL! That makes so much sense!"
"Does it? Because it doesn't really make sense to me," Merlin had to admit. Or rather, he didn't WANT it to make sense. Because if it did, he'd probably burst.
"Of COURSE it does! Jesus Christ, Merlin, I'm his sister, I should have been the first to know! Gosh... I don't think even HE knows!"
"Knows what?"
"Merlin, listen to me, and listen to me closely. Ever since you met Arthur at that Starbucks-"
"You know about that?"
"Of course I do! Who do you think had to listen to him gush about you and complain that he couldn't find you again? He's been fighting Uther ever since. I didn't... Jesus Christ! Arthur has been making plans to leave the company in case he'd ever completely disappoint him. And one day... out of nowhere, he said he'd stop work to try out being an actor and everything, and now that you mention it, that could have been right after he let you crash at his place. YOU'RE the reason he even questioned Uther about his mother's whereabouts! And then he found her and she turned sick, and then, when she had her miracle surgery, Arthur suddenly got the idea to move out and buy his own house and become independent and everything! I always thought those were coincidences, but if it was you-"
"Morgana, I don't understand-"
"I never blackmailed Arthur to help you out, Merlin. I told him your situation and he immediately wanted to help. You may think you owe Arthur, but to Arthur, it's probably the other way around. He probably thinks he owes you everything he has. And..." There was a crack in the background and the sound of romantic music echoed in the speaker. Then, a gasp. "Merlin." Morgana's voice was driven by emotion and Merlin hadn't heard that voice since the day Gwen confessed to her. "Gosh, He's definitely in love with you."
Ba-dump.
Merlin's heart constricted. "Why would you think that?"
"You told me he kissed you and that it's on Tiktok? The original video was deleted, but nothing ever leaves the internet. While you were talking, I looked it up on my - Holy fucking shit!" Her last words were muffled, as if she'd put a hand in front of her mouth.
"Morgana?" The silence was somehow filled with more emotion than Merlin was comfortable with.
"Merlin, I'm begging you, watch ONE of Arthur's movies. JUST one. I thought he was in love when he looked at that ticket but... holy fucking hell, Merlin!"
"Morgana, what is it?" Merlin's heart was pounding hard in his chest. He felt miserable and hopeful and everything at once.
Morgana's voice was determined when she caught herself. "Merlin, so help me god, go, catch the next flight and talk to my brother before I come over there and castrate you!"
"But-"
"NOW!"
And thus, since Merlin was very attached to his testicles, he did as he was told. He packed his things and called himself a cab. The next flight would be in three hours or so, but he was lucky to even get one at all today. He moved past Valiant who was being chastised by his wife and past Will who was stuck in the same situation. They were lucky that no one had called the police, really. But despite feeling like he was watching a stupid fight on school grounds again (Will had often gotten into them), Merlin no longer felt welcome.
He'd overstayed his welcome and even though he knew him and Valiant had made the same mistake, he didn't feel like confronting him about it. Valiant wasn't nearly as important and Arthur was.
And now that Merlin thought about it, he had never felt like he belonged anywhere, except that morning when he'd woken up in Arthur's arms.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Monday, 1:30 am
Merlin was not watching an entire movie with Arthur in it. During the flight, Merlin RESEARCHED. Which meant, he was looking up Youtube compilations where people were shipping Arthur's characters with other characters. Merlin may not have any context, but he didn't need any. In fact, Merlin didn't even need to THINK, because as soon as he entered the rabbit hole, he was swallowed by it.
There were entire websites dedicated to Arthur Pendragon and the characters he was playing. There were fandom sites exploring the ships he was involved in, there were collections of articles about people speculating on Arthur Pendragon's relationships with famous model Vivian, or Mithian, or whoever.
And, since the TikTok scandal, they had gotten analytical updates. Morgana hadn't been kidding, the internet did not forget. Between thousands of memes of Arthur 'obviously being in love with the actor of Valery', were a dozen more about people laughing at their past 'mistakes'.
'Have someone look at me the way Arthur Pendragon looks at black haired hottie-' The comment already made Merlin blush, but the screenshot made it worse.
'How Arthur Pendragon kissed his girlfriends' vs, 'How Arthur Pendragon kisses his boyfriend'. The comparable gif were a paparazzi photo of Arthur kissing his then actual girlfriend Mithian in front of the camera. It was taken as 'proof' for Arthur's homosexuality. Arthur, on that photo, looked nothing like he did in the TikTok. The kiss was merely one on Mithian's cheek. It didn't look like he hated it or anything, but there wasn't that gleam in his eyes that Arthur ALWAYS looked at Merlin with. His smile looked a tad bit less genuine, a tad bit more forced. But only in comparison. Because Merlin was sure that up until that blasted video, Mithian had been Arthur's truest love. It simply paled next to the absolute ignorance and carelessness and the longing Arthur portrayed in that video.
There were a dozen new crafted profile pictures with Arthur with a rainbow or gay pride flag in the background. And the typical tumblr Supernatural News format meme: 'I love you', 'Arthur Pendragon came out by making out with his boyfriend.'
Then of course, came the horror scenarios for Merlin. People commenting on instagram posts like: 'Holy shit, I know that guy. He's the surgeon who did my father's heart surgery last year.' People knew who he was. People could find out where he lived. Merlin didn't know what to do and how to feel. It was... wild, in a sense. It was overwhelming and terrifying and it made him feel SO MUCH and Merlin truly understood why Arthur had insisted on keeping his private life private before. But then... why? Why put so much effort into kissing Merlin in front of a camera when Valiant hadn't even been there to see it?
Merlin closed his eyes. He knew why. But the knowledge burned, so he didn't accept it.
Of course, there was the usual homophobia, but there were a lot of positive comments underneath that called the homophobes out on their shit.
Merlin's heart, however, couldn't deal with the things he saw next. After he scrolled past half a dozen movie scenes that people captioned as 'it's so obvious that this guy is gay, I mean, come on! Look how he looks at women, then look at this (the TikTok).' And then, he saw how someone had somehow filtered out a behind the scenes video from a show Arthur had once starred in. In the scene, Arthur was sitting on a chair, waiting for his make up to be reapplied, while he seemed to be looking at some kind of picture in his wallet. The soft smile he was wearing there... It nearly knocked the breath out of Merlin, because he KNEW, he KNEW what Arthur was looking at. And that smile alone looked more in love than any of the scenes he'd starred in.
The caption under THOSE videos were like: 'Do you think he's looking at pictures of his girlfriend?' Conspiracies of their times. They seemed to be years old, according to the time stamps. To which there were more memes of 'I wish someone would look at me like Arthur Pendragon looks at this picture.' And then, reblogs with people stating: 'Bet he's been looking of pictures of HIM instead?'
Merlin didn't know what then moved him to do this, but he wanted, no NEEDED to know what they'd think. And just like that, for the first time in Merlin's life, he made himself a tumblr account and a video of himself. He had bought himself a first class ticket and now he was going to use the moderate silence on the plane for his response.
"Hello, everyone. You guys probably saw me in that TikTok where I was dancing with Arthur Pendragon. And yes, that was me." Merlin swallowed, unsure how to do this. He normally didn't make videos, but he just... he felt compelled to answer, to make this right. If not for his own, then for Arthur's sake. "My name is Merlin and I've... . That TikTok was never meant to be posted. Especially, because Arthur and I are not dating." He covered his eyes for a moment before looking back up. "I've seen a couple of people out there now painting him as gay and everything, but he's not. He's not gay. The reason why we were making out in that TikTok was because I hired him to play my boyfriend for a weekend. I feel the need to correct these posts because Arthur is usually a very reserved person about his relationships and I don't want to be the reason he'll be wrongly outed in public. I hope you understand."
Merlin posted the video and then forced himself to sleep a few hours.
. . .
Nearly four hours later, the video already went viral on the internet. But not the way Merlin had expected.
'Holy SHIT, that's the BARISTA!'
And suddenly, there were more videos out there. Videos taken from three different angles of the day Merlin and Arthur first met and Merlin was suddenly slaughtered by Arthur's expression as Merlin first insulted him. Arthur, who had looked annoyed and dejected when he'd entered the Starbucks, shifted at Merlin's dismissal of Arthur's heritage. While the barista (Merlin) in the video turned around to make Arthur's coffee, Arthur's eyes widened and there it was, that very first gleam in his eyes. The Arthur in the video was frozen, eyes glued to Merlin as he seemed to be shaken out of a long dream.
And then, there were the comments. 'Holy shit, how did we never see these before?'
'You can literally pin point the moment Arthur Pendragon fell in love with that guy.'
'You think it's a coincidence that this video was made only days before that News article that said Arthur Pendragon was going to reform Pendragon scouts?'
'Haha, so he's bisexual then?'
'Dancing? Is that what they are calling it these days?!'
'grduihtdloiuhxyuhjbv!!!!!!!! Holy SHIT! @Pendragonsgirl03 You won't believe this!'
'A fake relationship AU?!?!?! I want a fic!'
Merlin's heart was burning.
And there were more. Videos showing Arthur how he was helping a drunk Merlin into his car and driving him home, videos of Arthur Pendragon at Merlin's graduation, because of COURSE there had been people filming. People were always filming. And Merlin was faced with all the evidence that he'd been loved by Arthur Pendragon since the very day they met.
It had escalated even more than Merlin had expected. Instead of correcting them, he had added fuel to the fire. His heart, in the meantime, was victim of an inferno.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Arthur's PoV, several hours earlier:
Arthur couldn't sleep on the plane. He didn't take the chance to watch any movies, as his first class ticket would normally allow. He couldn't even say why, just the thought of watching anything made him feel sick. Arthur hadn't felt this terrible since the day before he met Merlin. He felt dejected, worse, he felt rejected. It didn't make sense, it was simply pain. Arthur even kept looking at his phone, not having dared to put it off. What if Merlin would call while he was on the flight? What then? What if Merlin asked him to turn around? He never did.
He couldn't shake the expression Merlin had worn from his mind. 'What am I supposed to do with this garbage?' His stomach churned just thinking about it.
Yeah, Arthur, what was Merlin supposed to do with that garbage? Arthur cringed at himself and fought the tears as he thought back on it. Why had he given Merlin the ticket? He'd known it was stupid. He'd known he was being stupidly sentimental by even keeping it. It didn't hold the same value to Merlin as it did to him. And while Merlin didn't care, the loss made Arthur feel empty and numb. He no longer had it, which meant he no longer had the right to partake in Merlin's life.
Arthur covered both his eyes as he left the airport and sat in the cab on the way back to his house. He could feel himself shaking but he didn't know why. He thought giving Merlin the ticket would be an answer to a question that had never been posed. He had thought handing it over would explain everything, yet it hadn't. Now he felt like a fool for thinking it would. It was all the answers he had, answers that even Arthur himself couldn't put into words.
How could he be so heartbroken about a single piece of paper? How could his heart ache for someone he'd never even been with? With someone whom he only ever wanted to hang out with? Now, that wasn't quite true. Arthur had been starting to find Merlin attractive. But that didn't mean anything. Normal people were attracted to a dozen people all the time. The way Arthur felt was confusing, because he would have been fine if all he could do was spend time with Merlin, laugh with him, and meet once a week as they had before. He didn't need all the complicated relationship things that other people seemed to be so fond of. But now that he didn't even have that anymore, he felt like a zombie. Like something had been ripped from his heart that he'd never appreciated enough. But hadn't he? Hadn't he valued what they had? Or had it simply not been enough? Or had he held on to it so strongly for it to bleed like that?
If anything, the fake relationship thing had showed Arthur that being with Merlin wasn't complicated. It was simple and it felt RIGHT. Being without him felt like the world was crumbling around him.
For Merlin, Arthur thought, he'd do anything. Heck, he almost HAD. He'd been kissing him, he would have gone further had Merlin implied as much, he'd hold hands with him, he'd even sell his house if he had to. Arthur bit his lip, hard. This wasn't normal, was it? Merlin was right, this isn't how far you go for someone you barely know. This isn't even something you'd do for a friend.
Arthur gave the cab driver a generous tip and brought all his stuff inside his house. People were greeting him but Arthur marched straight to his room and locked the door shut. He needed time alone. He let himself fall on his bed, mind horribly clear.
As Arthur stared at the ceiling, vision blurry, the scary question entered his mind if he'd give up his family for Merlin. If he'd give up on his friends. If he'd had to decide whom to have in his life, the round table or Merlin, whom would he choose? Arthur's heart beat double time as he tried to intently imagine the situation. Which wasn't so far off. If Merlin hated him now, he'd HAVE to make up his mind soon. He might lose them...
And in his manic frenzy, Arthur's answer was even more terrifying than the initial question. If this whole story ended up with Merlin demanding that Arthur leave all of them, if his friends at the round table would have to decide between Merlin and Arthur, Arthur would retreat in a heartbeat. Arthur would give Merlin everything, even if that meant losing Merlin as well. If it meant Arthur would end up on the street, he'd give Merlin his house. He'd do anything if only Merlin was happy. Was this an obsession? Or was this a toxic kind of love? This was not what Arthur had wanted when he had been searching for love.
Arthur had the choice for or against Merlin. But he was incapable of deciding against him. Arthur could even lose Merlin, if it was what Merlin wanted.
Tears streamed down his face, past his eyes and down to his ears as they soaked coldly into his pillow. Arthur's life, he felt, hadn't been his own for a long time. And now that he was told to take it all back, he didn't want it.
The moment Arthur realised that, he wept for what he'd lost. And Arthur missed the comfort of the ticket that was now gone.
. . .
Arthur didn't know how long he'd been laying in his bed just staring at the ceiling. After he'd wept for like half an hour, he'd felt exhausted and dried out. It had begun to rain, he could hear the sound of car wheels driving fast over the wet road from here. Arthur never bothered to switch on the light in the room, but now that the sun was rising, the glow stars he'd bought specifically for his adult bedroom faded into darkness. Hesitantly, he reached out to his phone and checked for messages.
He had a missed call from Morgana. She probably saw a funny movie on her holiday and wanted to chatter his ear off. He kept it on unread, hoping that Morgana would leave him alone for the rest of the day. It was the middle of the night, after all, she'd have to forgive him for being asleep. Even thought he'd be lying to her. That was all he had received next to the occasional work meme Gwaine had posted in the group chat.
Merlin had neither texted nor called him.
Arthur swallowed and felt how his throat burned at the thought. He didn't know what he'd been expecting. For Merlin to come after him and stop him from taking the next plane home? Heck, Arthur had even left his phone on call on the plane, thinking that his own superstition be damned. He'd rather cause a plane crash than miss a call from -
Arthur covered his eyes again, groaning into his sleeve. This was messed up. HE was messed up. When had this happened? When had he become like this?
A gentle knock on his door made his heart race. "Who is there?"
"Mr. Pendragon?"
Arthur exhaled slowly. It was just Mordred. He almost laughed. What had he been thinking? That Merlin would just appear out of nowhere?
"There is a wet man at the door."
Arthur sighed. Paparazzi. Maybe the cab driver had ratted him out. He knew he shouldn't have risked it. "Does he have a camera?"
The tiny voice hesitated. "No. Should I call the powice?"
The downside of being as famous as Arthur was, was that living with other people meant he put them at risk when he was being stalked. Yet, a tiny voice in Arthur's head told him that this could be Merlin. But then, Merlin would have had to take the very next plane after Arthur's and immediately gone to his house. Which sounded highly unlikely. And, he'd have to have Arthur's address. That last part made it much easier to calm himself down. It wouldn't be Merlin. Where would Merlin have gotten Arthur's address from?
As calm as he could, Arthur opened the door to the hallway. He didn't even know how late it was. Was it morning already? Had the stranger woken Mordred? Arthur walked to the entrance door and braced himself before he looked through the door spy.
His heart stopped beating.
It was, actually, Merlin.
Arthur's heart rate immediately picked up pace and Arthur had to hold his hand to his heart for a moment to take in the information that Merlin was HERE! And Arthur was distantly aware that his heart had never doubled down like this. Not even around Merlin. Then again, he had never feared to talk to him either. Why was he here?! Then, it occurred to Arthur that he was keeping Merlin, a very wet and freezing Merlin, on his doorstep, waiting. Arthur shooed Mordred back into the living room and opened the door for Merlin.
Merlin looked up, somewhat unsure as their eyes met.
Arthur would never be able to explain how the mere fact that Merlin was standing here glued his feet to the ground. How that single glance knocked the breath out of him. It didn't make sense because Arthur had always taken Merlin's presence for granted, never had his heart-rate pick up before. Because he'd never been afraid of talking to him before. Because talking to Merlin had always been an honour and a privilege. But one he had grown used to. It was no longer like that.
"Can I come in?"
Arthur immediately stepped aside and held the door open for Merlin. He felt like a puppet on a string, just doing as he was told, afraid what would happen if he didn't.
Merlin nodded at him and moved past him and waited in the hallway, as if to wait where Arthur was going to lead him. Curiosity won Merlin over quickly, however, as he turned around and took everything in. From one moment to the next, Arthur was caught in a trap of anxiety. He'd just returned home, the luggage was thrown carelessly in the corner of the hallway. The living room was occupied with children, children who had their toys thrown around everywhere, even the lawn. And Arthur had been laying in his room with a closed window for hours, meaning that the air was probably stuffy, not to mention he hadn't dusted in over a week, and he was still somewhat sweaty from the plane and his eyes red from crying and-
"Let's go into my study." Arthur opened the door to the most formal room in the house. It may not be much, but Arthur had the room organised during his vacation. And the air was probably fresher than the one in his room.
Arthur pointed to the chair in front of his computer for Merlin to sit on, while Arthur sat down on the coffee table in the corner. Far... far away from Merlin. Merlin sat down reluctantly.
"I didn't know you lived with so many people."
"They are... people who work for me, and their families." Arthur wondered if that sounded too posh in Merlin's ears. "Sometimes my mom comes over too."
Merlin nodded and Arthur itched to give the man a towel. However, Merlin hadn't said anything about why he was here and how long he would stay and Arthur still felt stiff and like he wasn't allowed to move unless he had a permit. Merlin then sighed as he looked up to meet Arthur's eyes. "I - Arthur, I've been an asshole to you, all weekend. And I'm sorry."
Arthur pressed his lips together. He felt somewhat surprised by that introduction, but when he thought back on what had happened, it did make sense that Merlin would start with an apology. It was weird. In all these hours of driving home and laying around, Arthur had not once thought about Merlin's accusations. Only ever about the returned ticket. "You weren't."
"I was." Merlin immediately corrected him and he didn't sound like he doubted his own words for a second. "I've acted like a child because of Valiant and I dragged you into it. And not just that, I used your kindness, I risked your carrier and then I had the audacity to accuse you of using me to piss off your father. And worst of all -" Merlin took a deep breath. "I didn't even notice I was playing with your feelings."
When he looked up, Arthur knew that Merlin KNEW. From one moment to the next, Arthur was TERRIFIED. Of course Merlin knew. Merlin was smart. Smarter than Arthur. Of course he'd figured it out before Arthur figured it out for himself. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable rejection. He wasn't sure if he could deal with a second one in such quick succession.
"The whole world knows... but I feel like I should tell you, and put it out there. I know you're in love with me."
Arthur wasn't ready for this. He covered his face with one hand. "I..." A part of him was glad that Merlin had said it, another was SCREAMING that he didn't know what to do now. He could only confirm it, no matter how much it tore his insides apart. "Yeah."
Merlin seemed to be watching him for a moment, before he spoke up again. "I shouldn't have called that ticket garbage. Penelope explained to me what it means to you. I don't know how to- here." As Merlin stretched out his hand, Arthur saw the ticket being held out to him.
"I- I can't take it back." Arthur tried to look away but he couldn't. He was terrified. He was scared of that piece of paper. It didn't make sense, but taking it felt like Merlin was giving him his heart back and if Arthur took that fragile, broken thing, it would scatter on the ground like glass.
"Why not?"
"Because I should have given it back to you the day you saved my mother. And I wanted to. I was just too late. You were already promoted when I found out it was you and..." Arthur sighed. "You held your word. The ticket was a stand in for when you'd repay me for letting you stay at mine and Gwaine's place and you have. I can't take it back. We're quit."
Merlin still held out the ticket, looking somewhat astounded. "But... Penelope said you held on to it because it allowed you to be in my life?"
Arthur's eyes widened. His eyes flickered over Merlin's confused expression and then to the ticket. "You mean... you don't want me to leave?" His heart was pounding in his ears. He didn't have to leave? Merlin still wanted him in his life?
Hurt flashed in Merlin's eyes. "You thought -" He looked confused now.
Arthur averted his gaze, feeling sad and tired and overwhelmed by Merlin's presence. "I never wanted you to think that you owe me, Merlin. And I still don't. I've been forcing my place in our friendship and..." Arthur sighed, emotion heavy on his vocal chords. "I can't force you to -" A shaky sob escaped Arthur's lungs. "Sorry, I - I just realised what- I need a moment."
Merlin stood before him in a moment's notice. "Realised what?"
It was too much. Merlin was right in his face and Arthur still didn't know where this would lead. If Merlin was going to reject him or if Arthur had somehow rejected Merlin. "I don't want to lose you," he confessed in a wet voice.
Merlin's eyes went wide as the whisper reached him. "Arthur, you're not going to lose me!" Cold, wet hands found Arthur's cheeks as Merlin held him close. "Fucking hell, Arthur. Do you realise that when you lose me, I'd lose you too?! Have you ever considered that maybe I don't want that!"
"Maybe..." Arthur let Merlin guide the direction in which he was looking. "You were so angry that I helped you out, I- All I want is to help you. And if you hate that, then -"
"You thought I'd hate you." Merlin's voice was gentle but oh so fond. "Oh Arthur, in a day of pretending you love me, you've been treating me with more care and love than any of my exes have. You've made it look so easy, that I fell for it myself. When we went back to our room after you kissed me and you TOLD me that was make pretend, I nearly DIED. Do you have any idea how humiliated I felt when you kissed me like that and then rejected me?"
Arthur flushed. "But you were the one who told me to go back to our room."
"Yeah because -" Merlin stared at him. Then he huffed, then he laughed and as he shook and snorted he pushed his forehead against Arthur's collarbone. "Oh my god!"
"What?" 'What did I say?' Could Merlin feel Arthur's heart pounding against his rib cage?
"Arthur, you stupid idiot, I was inviting you to sleep with me."
Arthur's face burst to flames and turned into a statue.
Merlin kept laughing against him, forcing Arthur to stand ragged still. "You thought - you thought I took you back to our room to stop?"
Humiliation added to all the other confusing emotions Arthur was feeling. "Well... Fake relationships don't do kissing and stuff in private, right?"
"Arthur Pendragon doesn't do kissing stuff in public either, and yet there are thousands of pages filled with you making out with me now." Merlin amusedly looked up to face Arthur properly this time. "Arthur, I like you. Gosh, I REALLY like being with you. I was even planning to ask you out after the whole weekend, had Valiant not pulled his stupid stunt."
It knocked Arthur's breath out. The intensity with which Merlin said it. Arthur wasn't being rejected. Arthur was being accepted, and asked out and... What was Arthur supposed to do or say? Merlin shook his head, as he pushed the ticket in Arthur's hand. "Look at it."
Arthur, as confused as he felt, as much as his heart was racing, complied. This was not the 'free delivery' ticket. It was a picture. In fact, it was a screenshot of Merlin and Arthur dancing, zoomed in to show them both smiling at each other, completely besotted, moments before the kiss. As Arthur looked up, he found Merlin blushing at him.
"I decided to freely deliver a relationship proposal to you. And I was hoping you would keep this photo in your wallet from now on, instead of that ticket. ... That is, only if you want."
Arthur swallowed deeply. "You want to be in a relationship with me?" There was a nod. "Are you sure?"
Merlin frowned. "Arthur, I'm doing all the emotional work here, with explaining to you how we both feel. But you have to be the one to decide whether or not you want to be in a relationship with me. If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be asking. And if you hesitate -"
Arthur nearly doubled over with how hectically he stuttered his answer. "I want to. Of course I want to." Arthur's hands reached out to hold onto Merlin as well. Fucking hell, Arthur would do anything for Merlin. He was just terrified what would happen if he got too close and Merlin wanted to get rid of him. Because Arthur was pretty sure he wouldn't survive that. And then it occurred to Arthur that being together meant that Merlin and him would be closer than ever, probably do things that friends wouldn't do and with Merlin, it would mean the world to him. Arthur wasn't even sure if he could hold Merlin's hand without spontaneously combusting, how on earth was he supposed to go further than that?
Merlin smiled at him. "We can take things slow, if you'd like."
Arthur instantly relaxed, although he was still terrifyingly nervous. "Oh good god, I really don't want to mess this up."
Merlin laughed. "You've been act dating me without any problems and exceeded my expectations by FAR. You'll be fine." Merlin reached out to fumble with Arthur's hair a bit. "Though I suppose there wasn't all that much acting involved."
"No?"
"Arthur, you're not that good of an actor."
Arthur supposed that was true. He was still embarrassed to hear Merlin say it, because it meant that Merlin had watched movies with him in it and COMPARED them. Right now, however, Arthur had Merlin in his arms and it was slowly sinking in that Merlin wanted to be there. Not just at the same table at the Rising Sun, not just side by side, back to back, while they talked to other people. No, Merlin wanted to be here, in his arms, in Arthur's presence, and telling the world they belonged together. "Can I kiss you?"
Merlin looked up in surprise. "That's okay with you?"
Arthur stared at him, heart racing. "More than okay." Merlin's nod was a confirmation, but it was Merlin who leaned in to capture his lips beneath his own. It was slower than last time, yet it sent electric signals down Arthur's body and had him wonder, how on earth it had taken him so long to realise what he was feeling. Arthur leaned back into the kiss, leaving it innocent and sweet and the butterflies in his stomach raging war on him. When they finally parted, Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin's. "You should probably get changed."
"Oh, should I now?"
"You're soaked, Merlin."
"I don't see a problem with that."
"I do. I don't think I have any fever medicine in my house this time and I really don't want you to get sick."
Merlin snorted into Arthur's shoulder. "You're insufferable."
"I love you." Arthur nearly choked on the words as he realised he'd messed up. He'd meant to say, 'you love me', but he was bursting with emotions while he was tired as hell and Merlin stood right before him, and holy shit, Arthur had been full blown in love with him for so long, he'd grown used to the feeling. He'd been in love for so long, it had merged with his personality.
Merlin blinked up at him through wet strands of black hair. His eyes widened and they gleamed up at Arthur. "I think I love you too."
Arthur wrapped his arms around him, feeling relieved and excited and so, so exhausted. "I'm tired."
Merlin laughed. "Didn't you sleep on the flight? You're heavy, by the way."
"I couldn't sleep, I was sad. And I -." Arthur looked up, face unimpressed. "Are you calling me fat?"
Merlin sheepishly blinked at him. "Just a little." Something flickered across his face. "How about we each take a shower and then we'll go head to bed?"
Arthur wasn't sure what exactly Merlin was implying. "As long as you stay."
Merlin's smile couldn't be wider. "As long as you'll have me."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"You really thought I was doing it for revenge on my father?" Arthur couldn't help asking as he watched Merlin sitting in front of him at the breakfast table. Or rather... It was just past lunch and they were brunching. Merlin was wearing on of Arthur's old shirts. They were a little big on him, but not by much.
Merlin flushed. "In my defence, Valiant was trying to humiliate me and I thought that he'd somehow found out that you fooled me all this time. It was really stupid in hindsight." Merlin stuck his fork into his pancake. Merlin ate it with marmelade and strawberries and Arthur felt a little happy learning something new about him.
"What WAS he trying to do anyway? And what was that about him losing his business partner?"
Merlin shrugged his shoulders. "I barely listened to it, to be honest, I was too occupied learning that all this time, you've -" Merlin looked up, flushing a little as he looked at their hands. Arthur had long reached out his hand over the table to play with Merlin's non dominant hand. And yes, Arthur was using his own non dominant hand to eat because he felt that letting go of Merlin would be a grand mistake. He was still scared that Merlin may disappeared or change his mind, so he held on as long as he could, while his heart tried to repair itself. Merlin cleared his throat. "Anyways, apparently Valiant's business is somehow associated with your Pendragon scouts. And when Uther saw the video, he threatened to cut him off."
Arthur blinked. "That's stupid. And illegal. What the hell." Arthur frowned. "But I'm not too surprised. My father has high standards for his business partners and often threatens to cut them off when they don't share his morals. My father's business is separate from mine, but I think I could look over their contract and maybe offer Valiant to move over to Albion scouts."
Merlin stared at him. "Albion scouts?"
"I told you I have a save file. My father gave me reign over a part of his company, but after I met you, I slowly began to cut ties with my father's influence. Most of Uther's business partners ran over to the subsection of Pendragon Scouts that I lead because his methods are old fashioned and don't fit with modern times anymore. I fired others that I didn't disagree with and had to fight with my father until he saw that I was making more profit than he did. So, when everything crashes down on me, I will take my work, meaning the contracts I made with my business partners, the staff that works for me, and move to a different building to start Albion scouts. My father won't like it, but it's what he's gonna get when he cuts me off."
Merlin's eyes widened a tad bit, gleaming with something that could be pride, could be excitement or love. The last thought put the flames back to Arthur's cheek and he had to clear his throat. Merlin grinned. "That's - You would do that for Valiant?"
Arthur met his eyes and squeezed his hand. "That is, if you want me to. If you want to bury that rivalry the both of you have, then I'd give him a call."
Merlin blinked. "You want... ME to decide?"
Arthur nodded. "I care about Penelope. She and I have been working together for years. And I don't hate Valiant, I was just mad about how he treated you."
"I never saw him as a rival." Merlin looked down. "I saw him as a bully."
Arthur nodded again. "But you were children. And children do weird things all the time. If it still effects you, then I won't help him out. I want you to be happy, Merlin. But this could be a chance for you to overcome your differences. Maybe, if you meet him with kindness, you could even become friends."
Merlin looked up at him again, a small smile playing at his lips. "Is that why you gave me the 100 bucks back then? Because you regretted being mean to me and wanted to make up for it and become my friend instead?"
Arthur stared at him seriously. "Merlin... I would exchange everything I own and all the friends I have, only to see you smile one more time."
Merlin's hand twitched inside his own. "You- ... That's kinda intense."
Arthur swallowed, feeling troubled for having exposed that part of himself. "I know." He took a shuddering breath. "Sorry."
Merlin bit his lip. "And I thought I was gone for you." He chuckled nervously.
Arthur couldn't help but blush again. "It's fine if you don't- if you wouldn't do the same. It's kinda scary. But it's okay, as long as you feel comfortable. This wasn't too much, was it?" Had Arthur sprung it on Arthur too soon? Was this too much? Of course it was too much, Arthur could hardly contain it himself, of course it was way over the top-.
"Arthur, it's fine. It's... I don't understand how you can feel so much at once, for me of all people, but I don't dislike it. Not even a little." Merlin smiled softly and with affection. "And about Valiant- You're right. Penelope was right. We've both been acting like children. And he seems to be treating his staff right and his morals are in the right place... even if he seems to forget about them when I'm involved." Merlin bit his lip. "I think he would be a good business partner for you. And I think I can talk out my differences with him, but I doubt we'll ever be friends."
Arthur nodded. "It's your decision." He might as well have said 'I'm at your service, whenever you need me, and whatever you need me for.'
Merlin smiled. Then, something in his gaze shifted. "I love you too."
If it took Merlin a couple minutes to drag Arthur out of his statuesque stupor, only Mordred would know who suddenly appeared in the doorway, chasing after a screaming Elena while their exhausted looking mother tried to shoo them out of the room.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Epilogue: Two years later
"Is my tie okay?" Arthur was sweating nervously. It was only half an hour before the ceremony and his fight or flight instincts were kicking in. He was wearing a tailored suit but he was pretty sure he'd sweat through the whole thing.
Merlin rolled his eyes, but moved over to correct Arthur's collar for him. It was a familiar and a calming feeling all at once. Arthur took a deep breath as he looked into Merlin's midnight blue eyes. "Arthur, you're only handing Morgana over to Gwen. It will be fine."
"But she's my sister! What if I do it wrong? What if she kills me on the way? The whole tradition of handing over the bride if mysoginystic to begin with! Besides, our father should be the one doing it, and anyways -"
Merlin shut him up with a soft peck to his lips. It never failed to render Arthur speechless, not to mention the way his heart doubled over when Merlin looked at him with so much affection. "Your father, silly, has lost his right to hand her over, the day he cut you off of Pendragon scouts. It's his own fault. And Morgana won't kill you for stumbling over nothing."
Arthur frowned. "You're the clumsy one."
"Yes, but look who's the calm one of the both of us today."
"That's because -" Arthur stuttered over his words. He rubbed at his face. "Okay, fine, you're right."
"When am I not right?"
"Since it doesn't matter whether or not you are." Arthur smiled nervously at his boyfriend and brushed a stray strand of hair behind Merlin's ear. It was a fruitless endeavour since Merlin's hair was so short, Arthur did it regardless. "Have you ever thought about it?" Arthur bit his lip. He hadn't meant to ask that out loud.
"About the fact that you're a romantic sap?"
Arthur laughed. "About ..." Arthur waved around in the little storeroom that he'd been brought to to get ready. Since Morgana was marrying a woman, she couldn't have a wedding at a church, so they'd rented a mansion at the beach. Merlin and Gwen had been chasing each other with all their ideas for the wedding and even Percival had somewhat hesitantly insisted to help them plan. Arthur was pretty sure that he'd propose to Gwaine soon. Although he could imagine that it was difficult, seeing as Gwaine was't really into all these traditional things. Perhaps he'd be convinced if Percival brought the tax evasion argument.
"...getting married." Arthur lamely finished, then blushed as he watched Merlin's eyes widen in surprise. "I mean, in general. I mean..." Wonderful, now Arthur was anxious for a completely different reason. Gosh, what if Merlin took this as a proposal? He didn't even have a ring, god damnit!
"I have."
"Yeah?" Arthur waited a couple heartbeats, wondering if Merlin would elaborate. "And... What do you think? Of marriage. In general."
Merlin's snort turned into a giggle. He didn't answer, just watched Arthur with that awfully fond expression. "I would tell you that I talked to Morgana and she told me that she'd kill me if I don't make her my best woman." Merlin raised his brows, eyes glancing at his watch. "In general, I mean. Regardless of whom I'll get married to." He paused, then looked at the watch again. "I'd also say that Gwaine is a tad bit late right now."
"I thought Gwaine was responsible for the drinks?"
It was that very moment that someone knocked on the door. Arthur shot a glance at Merlin once more before he went to open the door. Then, he halted in confusion. Before him stood Gwaine, looking a bit hurried and out of breath. "Sorry, sorry, I know I'm late."
Arthur blinked. "Late for what? I still have twenty minutes -"
Gwaine grinned as he pulled out a package. "I have a delivery for a certain Arthur Emrys. If he'd like to accept it. The ring, and the name that is."
"Arthur Em-" Arthur paused as Gwaine pushed the package into his open arms. It was a small brown box with only two words written on it in sharpie. "By Merlin." Right after that, Gwaine quickly closed the door and probably hurried off for the rest of the preparations.
Arthur turned to Merlin, eyes wide, only to watch how Merlin went down on one knee. "You asked me if I've ever thought about marriage and I have. In fact, I've been thinking about it for a while now. And I asked Morgana if it would be okay to ask you today."
Arthur nearly dropped the box in his attempt to open it. Inside was a small box decorated in red velvet. And inside was a silver ring. It looked like a small handcrafted dragon was wrapped around the silver ring and it's eye was replaced by a red Sapphire. This was an engagement ring, with no doubts or buts.
"I-"
"If you'd prefer, I could also become Merlin Pendragon, but I figured the delivery would be more obvious that way." Merlin expectantly looked at Arthur, waiting for his response.
Arthur wanted to say something, but his voice was stuck in his throat.
"Do you get it?" Merlin's smile brightened. "I let it be delivered to you, because of the ticket-"
Arthur threw himself at Merlin, nearly knocking him off his knee. Because he still couldn't speak, he kissed Merlin as passionately and deeply as he could to convey a fraction of his feelings. It took them a moment to catch their breath and part, when Arthur nearly whined. "Merlin, what the hell?! How am I supposed to go out there now!" As if on cue, Arthur's eyes were swimming with tears and he nearly bawled his eyes out. He was so fucking happy, he couldn't put it into words.
"Is that a yes?"
"Of course it's a YES, you stupid asshole!" Arthur buried himself in Merlin's neck, eyes closing in order to process his own emotions. Merlin was going to marry him. Arthur's wildest dreams just came true. How could he not cry about it?
And then Arthur looked at Merlin, and thought of their future. And like that, he couldn't imagine a single day in which this man wouldn't be able to make him smile.
The End.