I have never met anyone as spontaneous as Eira. When she asked me to spend the night at their home, I was surprised and then flattered as the implication sunk in. Before I felt thoroughly scared.
"Ayoko nga na mag-hotel ka at ayoko rin naman na umuwi ka pa ng Subic nang ganito ka-late. Halika na. Hindi ka naman sa kuwarto ko matutulog, eh, sa isa sa mga guest rooms naman."
Ano na lang ba ang sasabihin ng mga magulang nito kung dito ako matutulog? I quietly asked myself.
But, I couldn't turn her down. I was afraid to say no to her. I was terrified that she'd take it differently and consider it a rejection when all I really wanted was her parents' approval.
"Baka lalong magalit ang mommy ko..."
"She's already angry, she couldn't get angrier," she reasoned.
Magagalit 'yun. Sigurado akong mas magagalit pa 'yun.
"Magiging kampante kapag dito ka matutulog."
I nodded inwardly sighing.
"Iggy, what's wrong?" she asked and I explained the reason why I wasn't comfortable sleeping over at their home.
"I want to be with you. But I don't want to put you in more trouble. Kasi, Eira, hindi lang naman panandalian 'yung gusto kong relasyon sa'yo, eh. Gusto kong pangmatagalan. Gusto kong ito na 'yun. Kaya naman ayokong ma-bad shot sa pamilya mo kasi alam kong para magtagal tayo kailangan maayos din ang relasyon ko sa kanila."
And just like that she agreed that I should stay at a hotel where I would feel more comfortable.
Lahat na lang ng sinasabi at ginagawa ng babaeng ito lalong ako na-i-in-love sa kanya...I thought to myself as I waved goodbye to her.
I would readily admit that I used to easily fall in love. It was a flaw that I was very well aware of and a flaw that I had tried year after year to hide. But, Dina was wrong when she said that I was the type who'd easily lose interest in a woman after bedding her because I wasn't. On the contrary, I would usually get more attached.
"Hanggang dito na lang ba talaga tayo, Bren?" my ex had asked as I was putting my pants on.
"What do you mean?" I had asked back. "Galit ka pa rin ba na hindi ako rito natutulog? Ang sabi ko, 'di ba, may lakad ako bukas—"
"Hindi naman 'yun ang problema and you know it..."
"Anong problema?" I had asked turning around to face her. "Hindi ako nambababae, kahit kailan hindi kita kinaliwa, kahit kailan hindi kita sinaktan—"
"Kahit kailan ay hindi mo ako minahal," she had said. "Kahit kailan, hindi ka affectionate sa akin—"
"Anong ibig mong sabihin? Kakatapos nga lang natin—"
"Bren, iba 'yung affection sa sex!" she had exclaimed. "Ano ka ba? Oo, we fuck each other all the time, pero, wala 'yung emotional connection. Hindi ko nararamdaman na mahal mo ako!"
"I'll buy you that bag you want—"
"Putang ina!"
"Maddie, ayoko ng away..."
"Alam ko naman kung paano tayo nagsimula, Bren, eh! Alam ko that this all started because I was lonely and you were looking for a fuck buddy! At alam ko rin na may usapan tayo that there'll be no strings attached! Pero, ilang buwan ba tayo ay gan'un pa rin? Wala ka talagang nararamdaman para sa akin?"
"Meron," I had honestly told her.
"Bakit hindi ko ramdam?"
"Kasi pinigil ko," I had divulged.
"Bakit?"
"Because I know that you are fucking others behind my back," I had answered. "Alam kong merong iba...."
She had looked surprise at my confession but just like my other exes, she vehemently denied it. "Hindi 'yan totoo! Sinong nagsabi sa'yo n'yan? Siguro 'yung Dina na 'yun, ano—"
"Maddie, I know about Carlo. I know about Edcel and Raymond, too. Alam kong napansin mo when I became emotionally distant, it's because nalaman ko..."
"Sex lang ang lahat ng 'yun, hindi ako emotionally invested sa kanila, Bren," she had eagerly reasoned. "At kaya lang naman ako—"
"I am no longer interested in your explanation. I have given you countless chances to explain until I have learned to accept the fact that you never would. Ang totoo, hinihintay ko lang na makipaghiwalay ka. It's a courtesy I am affording you because you and I are friends."
"Bren, please, I'll change," she had desperately said. "Just commit to me and I will cut ties with the others—"
"That's not how relationships work, Maddison. At least, my definition of a relationship. And even if we started as fuck buddies, the moment we became an official couple, I already committed. Hindi na ako naghanap pa ng iba."
"Malabo nga kasi—"
"Please, I can no longer stand any kind of drama. Alam mo naman siguro ang dating history ko, 'di ba? You witnessed every damn heartache I went through dahil barkada ka namin nina Henry at Gene. Alam mo how my past relationships ended. Kaya nga sobra-sobra 'yung pagdadalawang-isip ko n'un kahit nagpapakita ka ng motibo dahil ayokong pumatos ng kaibigan. Pero, ang sabi mo nga, no strings attached and if ever hindi mag-work ang relasyon natin ay walang magiging problema ang hiwalayan nating dalawa."
She had lowered her head before nodding.
"O, paano, mauna na ako—"
"Bren, wait."
"Yes?"
"Anong plano mo, hintayin lang na hiwalayan kita? Na ako ang magsabi?"
"Ang totoo, hindi ko alam," I had truthfully told her. "A part of me wanted to confront you and end it as soon as I found out but another part of me was afraid to be alone again. Pagod na akong mag-isa and I was quite desperate. But, I realized that I would rather be alone than be in this kind of relationship. Masyado naman na akong kawawa n'un if I would choose to settle for something like this so, yes, I planned on ending this with you and the opportunity presented itself today."
"Bren, I'm so sorry."
"Okay lang. Walang kaso 'yun."
"Bren, pwede namang ituloy natin 'to, eh..."
"Hindi na pwede kasi alam mo nang alam ko. We can no longer hide behind the illusion. Gaguhan na 'yun, hindi na relasyon."
"Bren—"
"Goodbye, Maddison, I wish you well."
The brightly-lit signage of Microtel ended my musings. "Ang lapit lang pala nito," I muttered to myself. I checked in and immediately texted my girlfriend as soon as I reached my room. When I did not receive a reply, I forced myself not to dial her number.
"Pagod 'yun," I said out loud. "Pinagod mo nga kasi, 'di ba? 'Tsaka may party pa 'yun bukas kaya h'wag mo nang guluhin. Mamaya masakal pa 'yun sa'yo at baka bigla kang hiwalayan—ano ba, Bren, napaka-negative ng thoughts mo. Hindi gan'ung babae si Eira—" The shrill ringing of my phone stopped my monologue and I excitedly answered my it. "Hi..."
"That was quick..." I heard my girlfriend say. "Bakit parang ang bilis mong nakarating?"
"Lumipad ako, eh," I kidded.
"What?!"
"Joke lang."
"That's not a good joke, Iggy. Tumalon ang puso ko, ha!"
At tumalon din ang puso ko, I wanted to say. Boses mo pa lang nagwawala na ang puso ko...
"Maingat naman akong mag-drive..." I said chuckling. "Lalo na ngayon dahil alam kong may manghihinayang na sa akin."
"Ignatius, I'm not kidding. Alam kong naka-sports car ka at may baseball bat ako rito, ako na hahataw sa ulo mo kung pangarap mo palang maaksidente."
I laughed. Grabe sa karinyo brutal si Mrs. Moore.
"Iggy, h'wag kang tatawa-tawa d'yan, magagalit na ako."
"H'wag naman po," I immediately said. "I was careful. I did not even go faster than a hundred. Hindi po kasi ma-traffic at malapit lang din naman ang hotel sa subdivision n'yo kaya ang bilis kong nakarating."
"Mag-iingat ka, ano ba," she said in a softer tone.
"Alam ko. Sorry nag-alala ka tuloy. But, why are you still up?"
"I just finished taking a bath."
And I am waiting for the clothes that I had asked the hotel to wash and press...
I had quirks that my exes used to make fun of. One of them was the fact that I could not sleep wearing dirty clothes; I would rather sleep naked than wear an unwashed boxers.
Pero, h'wag mong sabihin sa kanya, Bren, baka ma-turn off. Sabi nga ng ibang ex mo para ka raw babae sa arte.
"Mahilig kang maligo, ano?" I asked changing the topic.
"Medyo. Ayaw mo?"
"Hindi naman...parang...palagi ka lang fresh kaya gusto tuloy kitang papakin."
"Baliw!" she laughingly replied. "Ikaw, naligo ka na?"
"Hindi na sana ako maliligo at didiretso na sana ako ng tulog kaya lang bigla akong nahiya sa'yo kaya maliligo ako."
"Hindi ako ma-tu-turn off kahit hindi ka maligo bago matulog. Wala naman ako d'yan, eh..."
"Ahh...okay...so kapag pala magkasama tayo ay dapat mabango ako palagi dahil may mga binabalak ka sa akin?"
"Iggy..."
"Yes?"
"I'm just wearing a towel."
"Yummy, naman!"
She laughed. "Ano?"
"H'wag gan'yan. Ayaw mo ba akong patulugin?"
"Oo na, hindi na nga. Hindi na ako magsasalita."
"But, you're just wearing a towel?" I asked, a part of me getting hard at the mental picture she was painting.
Ang sakit talaga sa puson ng babaeng 'to.
"Katatapos ko nga lang maligo, 'di ba?"
I groaned. "Shit..."
"O, bakit may pagmumura?"
"I want to be with you really bad. Parang gusto na kitang itanan."
"H'wag naman. Gusto ko namang makasal nang maayos."
"At ibibigay ko 'yun sa'yo. O, sige na, goodnight na."
Goodnight na at baka bumalik pa ako d'un sa bahay n'yo, ayokong ma-bad shot sa mga magulang mo.
"Bakit ka nagmamadali, anong gagawin mo?" she queried.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Matutulog na po."
"Tulog lang?" She sounded teasing.
"Hm...let me see...I'll take a shower and think about you a lot."
"Sounds sinful. Hold on for a few hours, okay?"
"Bakit, pupunta ka?" I knew that I sounded too hopeful but I couldn't help it.
"Baka after lunch na. Dadalhan kita ng pagkain."
"Kahit ikaw na lang kainin ko."
Bren, tatandaan mo may party pa 'yan kinabukasan. H'wag masyadong excited at h'wag mo masyadong pagurin...
"Pwede rin," she said before she sighed. "Nababaliw na yata ako, Iggy, sobra kitang na-mi-miss."
"Ako rin. But, as much as I'd like to spend the whole night talking to you, alam kong kailangan mong matulog. Ayokong mukha kang pagod sa party mo mamaya at baka mahulaan pa nilang pinagod kita."
"Okay, goodnight na..."
"Goodnight, Yummy. I love you," I said before ending the call.
It was more than an hour later when I heard a knock on my door.
"Sir, laundry service po," I heard a woman say.
I hid behind the door because I was just wearing a towel around my hips before I opened it a crack. "Hello, Ate," I said. "Pakiabot na lang po."
The woman handed my clothes in a plastic bag with the hotel's name emblazoned on it. "Thank you po," I said after handing her a tip.
Sa wakas, makakatulog na rin ako...
But, I couldn't sleep. I was counting the hours until Eira would be in my arms again. "Bren, matulog ka na. Anong oras na. After lunch pa nga raw, ang kulit mo rin, eh..." I said out loud.
I was finally able to doze off although my dream about Eira was so vivid that I woke up and looked for her; I even went to the bathroom to check if she was there until I realized that it was just a dream and my girlfriend was soundly sleeping somewhere else.
"Ang lala mo, P're..." I mumbled groaning. "Kung umasta ka para kang ginayuma..."
It was nearly two in the morning when I was able to get some shuteye and promptly woke up at five; I checked my phone and saw that there were no messages from Eira so she probably was still sleeping and decided to go back to sleep.
I woke up at past seven in the morning. "Matulog ka ulit, masyado pang maaga..." I murmured resolutely closing my eyes again until my phone beeped signaling a message.
Good morning, Yummy. Just woke up. The message simply said but it sent my pulse racing. And as if my fingers have a mind of their own, I called Eira on Facetime.
"Hey..." she greeted and I couldn't help but stare at my screen.
Napakaganda ng babaeng 'to...
"Ang aga mo namang nagising. Wait, did I wake you up?" she asked.
I shook my head. "No. I sleep light usually. Lalo na kapag hindi ako pamilyar sa lugar."
"You're naked," she loudly observed.
"I'm wearing my boxers..." I said moving the camera low so she could see it.
"Ay, gan'un? Sayang..." she said.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Naughty kang bata ka..."
But, I realized that as much as I love this newfound morning routine of sexy banters with Eira, I couldn't help but worry about her situation at home. "Kailan kayo mag-uusap ng Mom mo?"
"Most probably we won't and we'll just pretend that everything is okay for the guests' sake. Kahit anong galit n'un, she's not going to ruin my party just because she's mad. Pareho kaming may hobby sa pag-iwas sa mga issue. We just ignore each other then eventually ay mag-uusap lang din kami," she reassured me. "Ikaw, anong plano mo ngayong umaga?"
"After breakfast, I'll go buy some clothes and other things. Or kakain lang siguro ako and I'll just wait for you so you can help me choose what clothes to buy. You don't mind naman kung 'yun pa rin ang damit ko, right—?"
"God, I wish I'm there so I can fuck you right now..." she suddenly blurted out. "I mean..."
I smiled. "I know what you mean..." I said and I wasn't even sure why I did it but I showed her how hard I was and then realized that it would probably turn her off.
"Susunduin kita sa gate ng subdivision n'yo in thirty minutes," I told her because I wanted to apologize it person.
"No, it would be faster if I drove there..." she replied and something in her voice told me but she did not mind seeing how horny I was for her after all.
"Just bring a change of clothes with you..." I said getting more excited.
"Okay. I'll be there in fifteen..." she told me.
"I'll wait..."
"You better..."