After disconnecting the call with Sameera, Sidharth's eyes shifted to Shehnaaz and he realized that his heart was racing at an unprecedented pace.He was intimately involvement with a supermodel, whom the world perceived as a sex goddess, yet he had never experienced his heart race as intensely during their intimate moments as it had during the nearly minute-long hug he shared with Shehnaaz.
"Can we talk?" he asked,trying to think straight.
"Could you please make me a cup of coffee?" She asked as she felt her heart racing too fast, She knew she couldn't simply walk out of the situation and she needed time to brace herself.
"Sure" he said and went to the kitchen and his mind once again replayed the hug they had shared moments ago.The hug was almost awkward and he did feel a sensual undercurrent that had occurred between them. Unlike their first embrace, this hug had filled him with a sense of longing, ignited some desire within him. He could feel that there was something more between them, something which can be explored,but the question was whether to go for it or just stop it rightaway.
"What's this new version of dopamine surge, and where has it been hiding until now?" Sidharth wondered. He was familiar with the physiological responses his body experienced when he was around her, how his brain released dopamine, increased serotonin levels, and produced oxytocin when he was around her. But the real question reamined :was he ready to go with the flow?
The answer came to him with clarity: No, he wasn't. Despite the undeniable chemistry between them, he couldn't ignore the complexities of their situation. He was well aware of her dreams of a fairy-tale romance, but he also knew his own shortcomings when it came to being overtly romantic. Moreover, he knew she was dealing with her own challenges in life, and the last thing he wanted was to add to her burdens and last but not the least ,their age gap.. he was 13 years older then her which was almost like a generation gap. He knew she deserved better and he also knew she would never settle down for just any other guy,she wasn't like him,she was bold and was very vocal about what she wanted.
The next question which arised in his mind was, Did he want to cut whatever ties they had? The answer was a big,big No. Despite the uncertainties and complexities, he couldn't even think of cutting ties with her. It felt selfish, perhaps, but he couldn't deny the allure,her presence brought along.
She was not like anyone he had ever met, she had an aura that illuminated everything she touched. He craved that light in his life, yearned for her presence to brighten his days. And as he fought with his conflicting emotions, one thing became abundantly clear, he didn't want to let her go.
As he brew the coffee, he found himself at a crossroads, with two options in mind, either wait for the hormonal surge to subside or find a way to divert his mind from her. But how? As he had this dilemma, he knew the fleeting nature of these feelings,he believed that eventually the way his entire being reacts to her presence will die down but till then he needed a distraction,but was clueless how he would get distracted as he was not one to be easily diverted from his thoughts and feelings.
His mind then drifted back to the hug again, and he wondered where it was all leading. What would have happened if Sameera hadn't called at that exact moment? The thought left him unsettled, he also realized that he had hardly registered what Sameera had said during their conversation.
"Shit," he muttered under his breath, realizing his mistake in agreeing to lunch plans. "What will she say... what will I reply..again drama.. no...." His mind raced with possibilities, and he made a decision.
"Woh kya bolegi...main bolunga...She dared to discuss such intimate details of our life with my mom... Not done" he declared to himself, as he poured coffee into two mugs. He knew,It was time to confront Sameera, to set boundaries
She on the otherhand had long back recognized the pull she felt towards Sidharth, but he can almost melt her with just a simple touch was something she got know today. At the same time, she knew that getting close to him would only entangle things. With her own fears of getting hurt, she felt hanging between following her heart and protecting herself from further emotional attachments.
"What if he decides to go back to Sameera kutti?" Her conscience questioned. The mere thought of Sameera ignited a pang of jealousy within her, and she felt a twinge of anger towards Sidharth for planning to meet her for lunch.
"Sameera ke pass wapas nahin jaega tab bhi kaun sa mera hai.. na hi kabhi tha na hi kabhi hoga?" She felt that her anger was unjustified. She realized that she had no right to be angry. After all, she had only known Sidharth for a few days, while Sameera had been a significant part of his life for twelve years. There was nothing between them that gave her the rights to be jealous or angry.
He hadn't hesitated to talk to Sameera in front of her,which indicated that he had nothing to hide and no ulterior motives.She knew that she had nothing to lose if she continues whatever this connection she had with Sidharth. His presence brought her comfort in a world full of uncertainty, and that sense of solace was something she just loved.
After wrestling with a wide range of thoughts and emotions, She came to a decision. She realized that everything in life is temporary, so the uncertain nature of their time together didn't diminish the value it held for her. Even if their time together was short-lived, having someone who made her feel good, even for a brief period, was worth it.
She once again chose to be with Sidharth, accepted that he had the absolute freedom to do as he pleased. She found peace in the simplicity of their connection, and had no intentions to complicate it by leveling their blooming relationship,he had anyways made it clear that he wasn't looking for any relationship so she decided that she wanted him for her comfort and won't ask for anything more.
"Here is your coffee and grilled cheese sandwiches" he said looking at her face,trying to read her mood,her face still looked gloomy but she flashed him a smile, a smile which signified that nothing on this world had the power to dim her shine.
"Last night you didn't say that you can make grilled cheese sandwiches." she asked as if nothing happened to her.
"Haan...yeah aj hi sikha,I had it for lunch" he replied.
"Amazing" she said taking the first bite and then the second,he thought she would initiate some conversation but she didn't.
"Can we talk now Shehnaaz?" He asked after sometime.
"About?" She asked faking nonchalance ,showing him that she was fine,but he knew she wasn't.
"What had happened to you?" He asked.
"Which cheese have you used?" She asked to avoid the question.Despite his efforts to create a safe space for her to share, she remained closed, not deliberately but she genuinely didn't know what to share ,how much to share and where to start.
"Cheddar...now tell me." he asked with growing sense of frustration,she was sitting on the couch he too dragged a chair and sat across her.
"And which bread?" she again tried to avoid the topic.
"Some sour dough bread which my cook ordered...I don't know from which shop..." he replied as his initial optimism slowly gave way to disappointment.
"Oh...cool" she said.
"Shehnaaz.... tell me,what happened?" He asked again.
"So cheese ko bread main daal ke toaster main daale?" She again avoided the question.
"Toster dekhi ho kabhi... how is it possible to put cheese in between two slices of bread and then put it in the toaster...gadhi." he said getting border line irritated.
"Did you just call me gadhi?" She asked.
"Haan... yes... kya kar logi... you keep calling me Silly..." Sidharth's voice quivered as he struggled to comprehend her stubborn behavior.
"Arey gussa kyun ho rahe ho?" She asked in a calm composed tone,which irked him a little more. He decided to not to talk to her any further and started scrolling his phone.
"Your coffee is getting cold," she said after a few minutes.
"None of your concern," he said, feeling so irritated that he couldn't quite understand why.
"Then I'll just drink it," she joked, sensing his frustration,he stayed mum.
"Now that's just rude,baat to karo" she exclaimed, he still kept tight lipped.
"Are you not going to talk?" she asked softly, hoping to break through his silence.
"Not until you tell me whats wrong, tum apni normal self mein kyun nahin ho?" He said,getting little paranoid, It was a sharp contrast to his usually composed and in-control self. She possessed an extraordinary ability to stir up weird emotions within him, she provoked him, stirred his sensitivities, and ignited rage and also intense passion with just her mere existence. He clearly couldn't figureout what kind of power she held over him.
"Which pizza did you order there?"She asked changing the topic
and his frustration reached its saturation point.
"Shehnaaz, I need to tell you something," he began in a slow yet angry voice.
"I am not like this with everyone,I am like this with you because... because I like you" he began, his voice was very serious and he still sounded angry.she felt weird,"did he really said that he likes me?" She doubted what she had just heard.
"I like the person you are, and even though we have only known each other for a short time, there is something about you that just clicks with me and we are sitting here because... because it feels right... " he bursted out and then tried calm himself down.
"So, I really can't bear this facade any longer. If you don't want to talk about it... then don't," he expressed, his frustration was prominent as there were tremors in his voice.
"And perhaps we should make sure not to become too entangled in each other's lives... I mean tumhara aisa kuch nahin hai I know but I have overshared with you.. I think I should be careful" ,his eyes were red in anger and there were some weird feelings inside him which was making him breath fire but his confession had left her feeling overwhelmed ,the way he said she was somewhat special to him, even if not in a romantic sense, was both unexpected and comforting. At a time when she felt alone and unwanted, his words gave her a glimmer of reassurance that she was not as insignificant as she feared she was.
"Like this means..." she whispered looking at him.
"Like this means...like this... I don't talk this much,neither keep coaxing people.. neither do stay awake till morning to play ask- me- a- question.." As Sidharth spoke piercing his eyes to her,she darted her eyes away nervously around the room, unable to meet his eye.The realization that he had confessed to liking her, even if only in a general sense ,made her overwhelmed. He was still her crush and knowing that he felt some level of fondness towards her filled her with a sense of exhilaration.He felt irritation prickling his composure as she withdrew her eyes.In a swift motion, he moved closer to her,gently put his finger just bellow her chin.
"Do not look away when I am talking to you." he murmured in a commanding manner.With a gentle pressure of his fingers on her chin, he guided her to look at him,his eyes were locked onto hers with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine,this proximity was lethal and she didn't know how to act and he saw many emotions crossing her face and there was shock ,confusion and also fear,he had no wish to intimidate her,his intention was to connect with her, to understand her better.
"I am sorry," he murmured."what the hell am I doing " he thought.
"I never meant to intimidate you. You don't have to answer anything if you don't want to. I understand.... its ok.."he said,she took a deep breath, her emotions still made her little fidgety,he removed his fingers from her chin and turned around to go from there but she didn't want it,she didn't want him to stop asking her,she loved his attention and she didn't want to lose it. She quickly tried to hold his hand as he turned to go.
"Mr. Sharma..." she murmured.
He turned around.
"Kya hai yaar... Mr. Sharma, Mr. Sharma... Sidharth... call me Sidharth..." His said and he realized that she was holding his hand.
"Terrace pe chaloge... I need some fresh air," She stated,without leaving his hand."no ,just tell her to go to her place, this thing is going too far" a faint voice warned him but he did the exact opposite.
"C block Wala?" He inquired. She simply nodded in response, he interlaced his fingers to her and her
grip on his hand got tightened slightly.
"Let me take the key." he said and gripped on her hand tightened almost instinctively, as if he couldn't bear the thought of letting her go. Her dainty hand fit perfectly in his giant ones, their fingers interlaced beautifully as they went out of the house and made their way to the terrace.
All Sidharth could focus on was the warmth of her hand in his as they reached the small bridge that led to Block C,his grip on her hand got even more tightened as he feared that she will take away her hand when they will reach block C and to her,his touch felt like an anchor, grounding her amidst the chaotic world around her."bhagwan ji an bas yeah mat chin na mujhse" she prayed desperately.
He reluctantly released her hand,as they arrived.She gravitated towards the spot where he stood when they had first met and he went to the marble bench she had occupied during their 1st encounter. Taking a seat on the backrest, his gaze followied her movements.
Facing away from him, She stood near the parafet of the terrace, the wind messed her hair in a playful way, she gathered her locks and secured them into a messy bun and few strands escaped her grasp and floated freely in the breeze.
He couldn't tear his gaze away as he watched her, she looked irresistibly tempting as his eyes captured her messy hair and then traveled down to her narrow waist and finally settled on her wide plump hip,it stirred something primal within him. He hated having such thoughts about her, he wanted to have a completely platonic relationship with her,wanted to create a safe heaven for her where she could be herself but those improper thoughts, they just bugged him,he took a deep breath and look at her silhouette again,she truly looked ethereal against the dimming light, a vision of beauty that left him breathless.
"Same place,"She finally turned around and spoke in a soft voice and her eyes met his,The atmosphere was serene but her eyes continued to look gloomy.she leaned on the parafet facing him.
He nodded and gazed at her in silence, he genuinely wanted her to share her issues but he had resolved not to pressurized her. He had already chosen to allow her the freedom to express herself as she wished.
"Can I ask you a question?" she asked, unsure of how he would respond. She hadn't answered his questions, and she expected him to refuse.
"Ask" he said to her utter surprise.
"You said you like me for the person I but how can you like me?" she asked,getting little emotional,he knitted his brows.
"I myself don't know which one is the real me. Am I the mean, chaotic, impulsive, crazy one? Or am I the one who is vulnerable, shy, laid back, and tired of trying to be brave.... how can you like me as even I am clueless who I am?" Her voice came out as if she was on the verge of crying.
"Come here" he asked and she walked towards her like there was some magnetic force between them and stopped just infront of him.
"Shehnaaz" he began calmly.
"you don't have to have it all figured out. No one does and all of those versions of you are real." he replied while looking intensely at her.
"We all have different layers and that make us who we are." he added,but she didn't want to hear a generalized sentence, she wanted to know who was she according to him.
"Don't give me a generalized statement,tell me why did you say that you like me a person,how do you see me..What kind of person am I to you?" She asked straight,
"Do you really want to hear how I see you?" Sidharth questioned, his eyes searched hers for confirmation. She nodded with curiosity and anticipation.
"You are a fearless badass girl Shehnaaz,you are a rebel with a devil-may-care attitude," he remarked, meeting her gaze as she narrowed her eyes at him.
"Yeah taarif ho rahi hai meri?" she asked, her mouth fell open in shock. He extended his finger and gently pressing it against her lips to silence her. For a moment, her heart skipped a beat as his touch made her forget to breathe.
"Shhh... you are all of these with a heart of gold," Sidharth whispered tenderly, his finger was still on her lips,As he took a deep breath, Shehnaaz felt paralyzed,her lips felt like rose patels against his finger,For a microsecond, he imagined how her lips would feel against his own, wondered if she would flinch at a gentle nibble but quickly,he regained control as he felt her lips tremble against his fingers,and this brought him back to the present.
"And you are delicate yet incredibly strong... unapologetic yet honest... at times you feel like a bomb which can blast with the slightest wrong move, and other times you are as fragile and delicate as a flower," he beautifully painted a portrait of her complexity and this made her emotions swirled like a storm within her.
"You have your moments of weakness," his eyes looked soft yet firm as he continued.
"and I feel during those times you just want someone to hold you and tell you that everything will be okay."he said,she listened intensely, her eyes fixed on him as he continued.
"And in those moments, you let your guard down, but only for a very short period of time," he added.
"You know the best part about you is you know how to gather yourself and bounce back," he murmured and he gently withdrew his hand from her lips and reached out towards her hand, and she reciprocated by extending her own hand towards him. Without intertwining their fingers, he simply grazed his fingertips against hers.
"I know you are waiting for your Mr. Perfect, your hero, but let me tell you this..." He paused,and looked at her her with sincerity.
"You are the hero of your life," he declared,and he looked so proud of her.
"You know you were right last night-you aren't a damsel in distress. You can never be, because I see you as a warrior princess," he concluded, his voice as well as eyes got filled with fondness for her strength.she saw a reflection of her self in his eyes,she knew her flaws but for the first time in her life, she felt seen,understood and appreciated.
"Not with everyone though...." she said and he raised his eyebrows as he didn't get it.She decided to let him know that he was too special and she doesn't allow everyone to see her in her lowest.
"You mentioned how, during my weakest moments, I seek reassurance that I'll be okay... But no one has witnessed my tears as much as you have... You're like glycerin, paani aa jaate hain aankhon main. " she confessed and suddenly felt self-conscious. Was she supposed to admit that he was not like everyone? She pondered silently, but he sensed her internal struggle.
"Thank you...thank you so much for trusting me and I do understand, I do understand your dilemmas..." He replied softly rubbing his index finger tip on her little finger,His heart swelled with pride as she told that she trusted him enough to share her vulnerabilities and he also sensed her hesitation, he realized that he needed to lower his own defenses if he wanted her to feel truly at ease.
"And don't worry, I'll never tell anyone... I still have that fear of your Gande rumors," he said, trying to lighten the mood. She smiled in response.
"Funny.....but You can't understand... I am not saying my life is difficult, I have seen what real hardship looks like... Did you see how people live in the slum? Did you see how they lit up at the sight of something as simple as pizza? I really have nothing to complain about,bhagwanji ne bohat kuch diya hai... But sometimes, I can't help but feel jealous watching them. It's just confusing," she tried to open up to him a bit, but there was something holding her back.He quickly took her hand, placing it on his left hand and began patting it with his other hand. She could sense that he was preparing to say something important.
"I don't know how to put it in words,may be unko aisa lagta hoga ki meri kitni amazing life hai...but....anyways "She struggled to express her dilemma, Siddharth observed her closely. He noticed her hesitation, the way she spoke slowly. Seeing her struggle, Siddharth realized that if he wanted her to open up about her own life then he needed to create a safe and comfortable space for her to share her thoughts and feelings.
"You know, everyone has their own struggle in life. Just because someone has money doesn't mean their struggles disappear and just because someone has a family to support doesn't mean they can't feel empty...That's the thing about struggle,they are universal"Sidharth began speaking.
"So, don't let yourself invalidate your own feelings just because of what you have. Your struggles are valid,everyone's struggle is valid..
regardless of their circumstances."
his words had empathy and understanding that made her feel at ease.
"How can you speak so convincingly about struggles when you seem to have everything?" she questioned as she saw his life as perfect and crossed her fingers as if silently praying for his happiness to stay intact.
"Pehle promise karo kisiko nahin bataogi...."Taking a deep breath, he continued.
"Haan,kya?" She got confused.
"Whatever I am going to tell you ,you will have to keep it to yourself... trust me main tumse bhi Ganda wala rumors Phela dunga.... " he said and she giggled.
"Jaise?" She asked.
"Woh main abhi socha nahin..." he said and she blinked her eyes,He slid down from the backrest of the bench and settled onto the seat of the bench,he was still holding her hand and gestured for her to sit by his side. Once they were both seated on the bench, he began to speak.
"Ok....so....you know about our business right?" He asked,they were sitting side by side,with almost no gap between them.She nodded.
"I have always felt suffocated in my family's generations-old food business. Sometimes, it feels like my head is going to explode whenever someone mentions me as 'bhujia' or 'papad wala'," he confessed and didn't dare to look at her,he just knew that he needed to bare his heart infront of her if he wanted her to trust him with her innermost feelings. He did feel her confused glares on him.
"Look, I do take pride in our family's generational legacy, but that doesn't mean my dreams have to be the same as my grandfather's," he uttered softly. She didn't know what to say, so she started holding his arms tightly as she felt the tension in his cracking voice. He continued talk about how he had to bag his father to allow him study engineering "you know dad had this one condition, I will have to join our family business and I agreed...mujhe nahin pata tha yeah ek promise mujhe itna bhaari padega" he said and explained how he had tried his best to contribute to their company and fulfilled his responsibilities.
"This is not what I want to do my whole life... it's suffocating," he uttered and then he realized how these feelings had been pent up inside him for what felt like forever and it felt good to share.
"Maya aunty is such an amazing woman,aapne baat ki unse and what about your dad?" She asked next.
"Dad feels that there is no point in venturing into a new business when we are established in the food industry... mom also feels the same,more or less" he said.
"But aap toh itne bade ho, you are independent. You can make your own decisions." she pointed out.
"It's not that simple, Shehnaaz," he replied.
"I am the only son, and my parents have placed their hopes and dreams on me. Our business is all about carrying on a legacy."He said and, ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
"Aapne baat ki hai?" She asked again.
"I have tried talking to them" he stopped and looked at her then continued.
"But it always ends up in the same argument. I can't keep having that discussion with them again and again. It's exhausting." He admitted getting little shaken up.
"I know it's difficult." Shehnaaz said.
"I never realized how much was buried inside me," he admitted, her hand was still on his arm, and she felt the tension in his muscles as he spoke. With a quick motion, she began to rub his arm, trying to comfort him. It was clear to her that it wasn't easy for him to share this.
"Thank you for listening."Sidharth took a deep breath, gathered his thoughts and said.
"You know, Shehnaaz, there are times when I look at you and admire how vocal you are about your thoughts and views. It's like you wear your heart on your sleeve, and it's something I sometimes wish I could do too.... so the truth is, no one's life is perfect. We all have our struggles and insecurities, even if they are not always visible on the surface... yeah the degree is different. " he uttered,she didn't know what to say,She just knew that no one ever had made her feel so comfortable about her own somewhat horrible life .
"What's your dream?" She asked next.
"I have always dreamed of starting my own venture in electric vehicles space." He replied.
"And you know why I am here?" he asked looking into her eyes, she was still rubbing her hands on his biceps.
"To pursue your dreams?" She guessed.
"Yes, I am. It's been my dream for a long time now, and I finally decided to make it my reality. I am working on it secretly, with just two partners who share same passion. We have signed a non-disclosure agreement to keep it under wraps untill it turns into a reality.... baaki yahan ka business and all bahana hai...I feel bad about it at times and I don't even know when I will tell this to my parents.." he confessed.
"Yeah kisiko bhi nahin pata among your friends and family?" She asked and he shook his head.
"Absolutely, no one" he uttered.
"Sameera ma'am?" She couldn't stop herself from asking.
"I said absolutely no one." he stated with an intense eye lock.
"Don't worry, I will never tell anyone" she said and now she was holding his arms.
"You were working on that project last night,right?" she asked innocently, and he nodded.
"Tell Mr more about it...How did you get into it?"Shehnaaz's curiosity about Sidharth's EV project sparked. Despite coming from a different background, she asked insightful questions and showed genuine interest in his venture,he too explained her in length.
"Wow... thats so interesting" she said as he answered all her questions.
"One last question... have you decided on the colors of your cars yet?if not, I have some ideas! Actually, I want to be more than just an idea contributor. Can you make me your fourth partner? I'll take care of the colors!"Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as she made her proposition. Sidharth smiled at her infectious energy. He finally got to see a glimpse of her happy, jovial self. She was full of life and he loved it.
"You are cute Shehnaaz,well I can't make you a partner just like that, I would love to have your input on the colours... but abhi sab bohat initial stage main hai..." he said and Shehnaaz face lit up with excitement as she asked few more questions.Just then, her phone rang,it was Laxmi,the time was around 10 PM. Her expression changed noticeably as she looked at the phone screen, she had momentarily forgotten about Laxmi, but the call brought the memories of all the events of the day back, making her feel helpless again. He noticed the sadness creeping into her expression.
"Hello" she said picking up the call.
"Kahan hai aap? Khai hain kuch aap,fever tha na kal aap ko,abhi tak bahar ho" she said getting little worried.
"Dad called?" Shehnaaz asked in a very cold tone.
"Nahin... per aap kab ayengi?" She asked.
"Thodi der main aap so jao...I have the keys... khana kha ke sone." she said and disconnected,by now Sidharth had sensed that her soured mood was related to Laxmi.
"You want to go home now?" He asked. Despite his curiosity, he decided not to ask her about the reason behind her change in mood. Instead, he chose to give her space and time to process.
"No, after some time, you go ahead, I'll leave later," she uttered, feeling an itch within her to reveal her vulnerable side to him, the part of her that she kept hidden away from the eyes of others. It was the part that bore the deepest pain, the one she had managed to conceal. But now, it felt too heavy to carry alone, like a burden crushing her completely. But she knew she couldn't, because even she was unaware how she would react if she started talking about the things which she never even dared to think about.
"Nope, I'll stay here," he said and She had the urge to rest her head on his shoulder, but she did not want to overstep.
She was also little bothered by why he wasn't asking her again about her soured mood. She knew she can't tell him everything about her life yet she felt compelled to share some parts of herself with him.
"Pucho aap kuch mujhse... " she said after few minutes.
"Favorite food batao" he asked and she got disappointed.
"No...kuch aur" she said.
"Favorite actor?" He asked next.
"Nah... can I tell you a story ?" she said.He was surprised, this girl was indeed unpredictable.
"Bolo?" He replied.
"Imagine there is this girl and before she was even born, there is this woman appointed to take care of her. The woman has been like a mother to her, showed her love and care her whole life.The girl's family supported the woman financially to ensure her daughter gets education and even sponsored her wedding...they did everything they could do to keep the woman with the girl as there was no one else to take care of her."she took deep breaths ans her other hand which was injured, started trembling,he knew she was telling about herself.
"Hmm... then" he asked as he felt her grip on his arms getting tightened.
"And that girl thinks this woman will be there with her forever, even when she would get married, she would take her and that woman too have always put her first, just like a mother would do." Her eyes filled up with tears but she had mastered the art of stopping them from flowing.
"Ok... then?"he asked and saw her eyes getting glassy.
"Then one fine day that woman's own daughter falls ill and she has to leave her and come back to the girl she was taking care of as she is bound by duty and suddenly she behave as if this was all just a job for her.... I mean Of course it was a job primarily but she even says that she didn't feel like coming back to this girl... and even addressed the girl as her employer's daughter..." she took a very deep breath after saying,she was shaking while she spoke. Sidharth wanted to hold her close but he wanted her to open up first.
"What exactly Laxmi masi said?" he asked straight,even she knew that he knew that this story was about her.
"I don't want you to judge her....
She is indeed like a mother to me." she murmured.
"I will not.. tell me kya hua?" He asked.
"Kal woh mere bolne pe unke daughter se milne gai thi, you know that dad ko pata chala and he yelled at her very badly... he had this tendency to make things difficult." she blurted out.
"See, he would obviously ensure that his daughter is safe...hai na... ? He kind of justified her father's doings.
"Aap bhi responsible ho, aapko kya zarurat thi jaake bolne ki ke I had fever" she said and he just shrugged,he knew he had no justification to give.
"Dad ne kitna kuch kaha and her reaction was not like anything I have ever seen from her before. She was so hurt and upset,I understand that but She referred to me as "aapki beti" while talking to dad. It made me wonder, am I just her employer's daughter? For the first time, I felt like I was a burden on her, like a job she is doing just to support her family.. I really don't want to be a burden on her..." she said withdrawing her hand from his arms,hunched down and both her hands got tightly clasped as she tried to control the tears where were accumulatig in her eyes.
"Hey ,listen" he said as he saw her trying her best to control her tears.
"It's normal to feel rejected in moments like this Shehnaaz... but listen to me" he said.
"You know,I was living in this delusion that my Laxmi masi is a constant in my life... kuch bhi ho woh rahengi.... but woh nahin rahengi,woh chali jayengi... mera saath rehna majburi hai unki." she said and words hardly came out of her throat,she was almost choking.
"Listen to me... first breahe."he said she didn't respond.
"Listen you need to understand few things, tumhare dad ka gussa hona bannta hai Laxmi Masi ka reaction is kind of justified.. I really don't think she is just working for money,Ofcourse that's her primary reason but the love you have for her can't be one-sided. You must have received love from her too..." he said bowing down to her level, she wasn't looking at him,she was looking down at her lap.
"But why did she refer to me like that? Am I really just her employer's daughter?"Shehnaaz sniffled, her voice choked with pain as she spoke.
"Maybe she was hurt too.
Shehnaaz,one thing you need to understand and accept too...blood is thicker than water... Laxmi would obviously choose her own daughter over anyone else,she is a mother after all but that doesn't mean she didn't care for you." He said,She lifted her head a bit,looked up in order to stop her tears from dripping.
"Is it the case with all mothers?" She asked ,her eyes were filled with pain.
"You said you want to have a big family with many kids right..
You will see it yourself, you will always choose your kids over everything...that's motherly instinct." He said.
"Are you sure?" she asked her voice cracked as she looked up at Sidharth.
"Yeah...there is no doubt in that" he replied and it triggered her.
"Then why didn't my mom choose me? Why did she decide to die selfishly... I was only seven years old... why did she do this to me..." Tears welled up in her eyes but she didn't cry as she spoke. Her voice sounded heavy with the weight of years of unanswered questions and unspoken pain.
"Who did she think I would go to at night after waking up from a nightmare? Who did she think would take care of me during my illness..." Her voice was sturdy, but her eyes pleaded him to answers the questions that had haunted her for years. There was no emotion in her tone, only a desperate need to understand why her mother had made such a devastating choice which has altered her life forever.
"Shehnasz..." he took a deep breath, and searched for the right words to offer her comfort but he couldn't find any. She had almost sucked in her breathe to stop herself from bursting out,he could feel that.
"Listen... take a deep breath first," Sidharth said softly, looking at Shehnaaz's distressed self with empathy. He felt helplessness. Handling emotional outbursts was never his forte, that's what Sameera had reminded him at countless times. But this moment was different, it was the first time he truly felt lost in dealing with emotions. All he knew was that he couldn't bear to see her like this. Gently, he cupped her face in both of his hands.
"Breathe" he said and she swallowed hard,she was in immense pain he knew but he had no words to soothe her anguish.
"Come here" he said and before she could utter a word, Sidharth pulled her into a warm hum, wrapped his arms around her tightly.
For a moment she stayed still and didn't move at all, but then she felt the warmth of his chest against her own and his arms felf like a safe harbour, she felt as if something inside her broke. With a loud scream, she buried her face on his chest,and put her arms around his neck and she just bursted out.The sound her whimpers almost echoed in the terrace.
"Shehnaaz... easy"Sidharth held her firmly with one hand,and patted her head and gave her the comfort she so desperately needed.For what felt like an eternity, they sat there, locked in each other's arm and then he couldn't hear her sobs anymore.
"Shehnaaz....better?" He asked and she quickly broke the hug.
"You are truly like glycerin,you make me cry"She gazed up at him and said, her cheeks were flushed from tears, her hair was a mess, her vulnerability shone through in a way he hadn't ever imagined.
"Are you feeling better?" He asked, she nodded but her lips quivered while she tried to stop her tears from flowing.She was someone who was usually so loud and full of life,but at that moment she displayed a softness that touched his soul.
He gently held her face and planted a caring kiss on her forehead to soothe her trembling self."try to relax" he said and she couldn't even remember when someone last kissed her on her forehead,her tears again started flowing.
"It's okay... just breathe, try to get normal," he whispered as another set of tear trickled down her cheek.he wiped away the tear and pressed his lips against her forehead again.She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh, and as another tear fell, she leaned into him, offering her face to wipe her tear. He did the what she wanted, wiped her tears with her thumb.
"Enough now" he said and suddenly when she felt his breath on her skin, she became aware of their proximity, her heart pounded realizing that he was so close that she could hear his heartbeat and she squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, a few more tears escaped despite his attempts to console her.
"Shhh... stop, stop," he murmured softly, he too got aware of their proximity, their bodies were pressed close, an weird tension simmered between them, the very next moment she again dug her face into his neck,he flinched this time as he felt her warm breath on his neck and her soft chest against his muscular biceps but his entire focus was on her emotional wellbeing.
"Enough Shehnaaz .. stop now." he uttered as he tilted towards her ,She still had her face buried into his neck, but then suddenly, she raised her face towards him. His face was already tilted towards hers, and unintentionally, their noses brushed against each other and then their lips. They didn't pull away instinctively, instead, they lingered in that position, feeling each other's lips for a few heart-pounding seconds before she moved back.
It was nothing like to a kiss,just an accidental quick touch, soft and delicate, but it sent a jolt of electricity through both of them,enough to create a storm inside them.
He too pulled himself back and sat straight, his gaze fell on her for any sign of discomfort, she was in a state of shock and looked at the other side,avoiding an eye contact.
"Shehnaaz,that was unintentional." he whispered softly.their previous closeness was now replaced by awkwardness. They both were unsure of how to behave after that almost-kiss.
"Ofcourse I know that.. I...I am sorry... woh main aise move ki toh..." she murmured.
"And I am sorry for my outburst too.. " she said wiping the leftover tears,her own voice was barely audible to her ownself.
"Are you feeling fine now?" He asked out of concern.
"Yes,I do... and thank you.... you are right Laxmi masi is not completely wrong... " she uttered and she wasn't able to think straight,her head was reeling after whatever 2seconds long not-exactly- kiss- yet-somewhat- kiss they had few moments back,she felt sweat beads appearing on her forehead.
"Yeh...I think you should go home,she must be waiting for you and it's late already" he said,he needed time to recover from that proximity and he felt the need to distant himself from her to regain his sanity.
"Yeah...right..." she said and stood up from the bench.
"Your...hand....is.it....is it fine... and are... are you sure you are feeling better?" He asked next, he wanted to make sure once again that she was feeling ok.
"Kaunsa hand?" She asked and furrowed her brow in confusion.
"Youe..hand...that...that one" he stammered.
"Haan... yes, yes... main gir gai thi... haan, main bhi na giri hui ladki.. I mean girti hui ladki" she just mumbled nonsensical sentences, her cheeks got red with embarrassment.
"Yeah, yeah... it's perfectly fine," she added, her words rushed as she turned to leave,she just wanted to escape from the suffocating awkwardness.
"Ok..good night" she said and started walking.
"I will walk you home." he too stood up.
"Sure"her tone was still shaky as she began walking towards the small bridge that led to D block, she was clueless what she was doing.
"Shehnaaz," Sidharth called her,he could see that she was walking in a daze.
"Haan" she replied and looked back.
"You live in this block,ek floor niche"he said, her mind was in a fog, her thoughts were scattered,She struggled to process , her heartbeat was still racing erratically. He too was in similar state but he tried his best to act normal.
"But,I thought you said you want me to walk you home." she fumbled.
"Listen... "Sid took a deep breath, tryed to steady himself.
"breathe and be normal," he said in a firm tone.
"I know that was awkward, but it wasn't intentional... relax... aisa bhi kuch nahin ho gaya"He moved closer to her, his hand went out to gently grasp hers.
"Come, let me drop you home," he said, his tone felt soothing as he led her down the stairs towards her flat.
"Kal...kal Sunday hai...kya kar rahi ho... let me know if yoh are free
"before she could ring the bell he uttered "shall I tell him that main kuch nahin kar rahi... ekdum velli... free hi free .... breakfast,lunch,dinner sab saath main kar sakte hain" she thought and suddenly she remembered that he had planned to meet Sameera and her heart sank at the reminder. She instantly felt bitter and angry.
"You have lunch plans with Sameera ma'am..." she said looking into his eyes,he had completely forgotten about it.
"I... I will be free after lunch" he uttered. "Aur main baithi rahungi ke aap date se wapas aake mujhse miloge" she thought and felt irritated.
"My friend Sammy... Samarth is coming back tomorrow, I will meet him and catch up with Raunak as well and haan kal Sunday bhi hai,zumba class's at 11" she told him her plans which she hadn't made yet,may be she just wanted to assure him that she too had her own life which is pretty happening as he had his own. she had few hours back decided to be okay with his relationships, but she was yet to adapt a trick to suppress the jealousy that came uninvited to her.
"Ok...enjoy your day...good night." he said and gestured her to ring the bell,she did the same
"Namaste, Laxmi Maasi," Sidharth greeted politely, trying to maintain a sense of normalcy despite the tension between him and her.
"Namaste beta" she too greeted back.
"Good night, Shehnaaz," he said softly, his eyes lingered on her face for a moment before turning to leave.
"Good night" she said and felt little guilty as she watched him walk away.
"Shit coffee ke liye mil sakti thi,I am such a bitch at times"she thought , condemning her own behavior. Despite her frustration and jealousy, she couldn't deny how protected and secured Sidharth had made her feel throughout the evening during her low point.
"Beta tabyat thik hai aapki... yeah haath main kya hua... chehra kyun laal dikh raha hai, yeah kaun they?" Laxmi asked bringing her back to reality. She didn't utter anything just hugged Laxmi tightly,she wasn't angry on her anymore but she had accepted that Laxmi is with her for a short period of time and she felt greatful for whatever she had done for her but she felt a slight sense of detachment even though her love for Laxmi was still there.
"Grilld cheese sandwiches khai hoon, Cheddar cheese and sour dough bread se bana tha... hath bhi thik hai,bas thoda sa gir gai thi...aur yeah Sidharth Sharma they, D block ke penthouse main rehte hain,in ki mummy ne mujhe us din dinner pe bulaya tha.
Aap khaye ho?" She asked back after breaking the hug.
"Haan... per thoda sa khalo please" she insisted.
"Kal subhe Laxmi masi...aap so jao"
She entered her room with unsteady steps and her head was still reeling, despite knowing that she needed to change her clothes ,wash her face but all she felt like doing was to lie on her bed,she gave in to the exhaustion and sank onto the bed.She knew she couldn't stay in this miserable state forever. To regain her usual, happy-go-lucky self, she needed proper rest. However, every time she closed her eyes, his face invaded her thoughts, keeping sleep at bay.
Suddenly she got overwhelmed by the possibilities of messing things up between them.he feared that if she continues to let jealousy dictate her actions, she would ultimately push Sidharth away and will loose the one person who made her feel so good about herself. She desperately tried to find a solution, she began brainstorming ways to stop letting him affect her so deeply. She didn't want to succumb to jealousy, so she kept searching for ways to regain control of her emotions.
He too was in his room pacing back and forth, suddenly his somewhat perfect life seemed empty without her. He had his belief that he was destined for a life without passion, he had sought refuge in isolation, avoided unnecessary
human connection as much as possible. Convinced himself that happiness was an unattainable fantasy.
But her presence had shattered his beliefs. In her company, he had experienced peace,excitement and happiness as if a long-lost part of himself which he himself never knew existed had been found. She had illuminated his dull world,and he was getting addicted to it.
He then started thinking about the whole scenario of terrace, his heart ached thinking about all the emotional baggage she had been carrying alone and soon his chain of thought took him to their near-kiss moment, and out of the blue he felt some weird sensation in his body.
With a frustrated groan, he flopped down on his bed and ran his fingers through his hair in irritation. The sexual tension between them was also growing along with their emotional bonding and he feared that if he continued to be drawn to her physically, he would ruin their beautifully budding relationship.
He glanced at his phone, his finger hesitating over the screen. With a deep breath, he made a decision and opened his messages. "Alright, it's time to rekindle some old flames to keep things balanced," he thought as he typed out a message.
"Hey!!! I'll pick you up from your place, send me your address... can't wait to see you," he wrote, then pressed send even if he feared that this could end in disaster
"I am free tomorrow. Want to grab coffee and catch up? I have missed you," Shehnaaz typed the message, her heart kept warning that this wont end well but she didn't care. "I guess I need to take the plunge to get my sanity back." With this thought in mind, she too pressed send.
♥️
I hope you all are enjoying the slow burn and savoring the moments...
Love you all😍😘