Ayla pov
I stare at Xander for a few seconds and nod. He has already seen me in this state so I might as well tell him the reason.
"Tell me what he did", he demands softly but his face is anything but soft. He looks angry.
I don't want to speak as well. I am very embarrased because of the stutter. It came back after years. The fear of taking another life brought it back.
"Talk to me Ayla", he adds patiently.
He is being so patient and caring. I am still wary because of the sudden change in him. What if he just throws everything back on my face?
He did said that he was just pitying me last time because no one gives a shit about me.
"It-t d-does n-not ma-matter", I stutter and look away.
"It matters to me", he confesses suddenly and inching closer he cups my face into his big warm palms.
He looks so sincere and I find myself unable to look away. My heartbeat quickens as he leans his face closer to mine. "Talk to me Ayla. Tell me what he did and I swear I will make him pay for him."
Is he being protective for me?
"Y-you ca-cannot do an-anything a-bout it", I tell him honestly because Father's anger is personal towards me. I can't escape it.
When he is about to speak. I shake my head. "I d-don't want t-to s-speak. It-it's ti-tiring."
His gave softens and he nods. "Did you used to do anything to stop it?"
I nod without thinking.
"What was it?"
I make a smoking sigh.
"Smoking? You smoked cigarette to calm yourself?"
I shake my head because it was not exactly cigarette.
"You smoked weed", he states in realization.
"Well, too bad I am not going to let you smoke that", he adds firmly and removes his jacket.
My heart jumps for some reason. When he starts unbottoning his shirt, my eyes widen. What is he doing?
My gaze roams on his naked torso, taking in his inked skin as he leans closer.
"There's another option", he states.
"What?", I whisper.
"Sex"
My heart leaps in my chest. I start shaking my head and lean my head back.
"Sex will release endorphins and oxytocin in your body", he explains. "It will help to relax your nerves and take off the stress and fear."
Oh my God! How is he saying all that with a straight face? I am actually turning red.
"Your body needs dopamine right now", he continues. "Sex does help with anxiety"
I am not having sex with him! I shake my head again. I am so nervous, I can't even freaking stutter.
Taking the notepad which I always keep in my bedside drawer, I take a pen and scribble on it.
YOU CAN LEAVE. I AM OKAY!
"I am not leaving Ayla", he crushes the paper into a ball and throws it on the floor. He then holds my hands in his. For some reason, he looks very disturb.
"I want your voice back Ayla", he admits softly. "I don't want you to be afraid of me. Yesterday, I got really scared for my sister. She is the only reason why I never place my phone on silent. She might need me at any time. I love her very much and I am very protective over her."
My heart breaks for him. He was really terrified because of me. "I-I am so-sorry"
"No", he gives my hand a slight squeeze. "You have nothing to be sorry for Ayla. It was my fault. You didn't know this would happened"
"Y-you ha-had ev-every right to b-be mad...."
"Don't", he interrupts me firmly and for a moment, I see only anger in his eyes. "Don't justify my anger and words just like you do with your Father and Ethan"
I hold my breath as he utters these words because he is right. But the truth is, I have to justify them. Because what I took from them kills me everyday and every single time I look at them.
I nod once.
"I don't want you to be afraid of me", he adds.
I nod again.
"This isn't working", he says mostly to himself. "What can I do for you?"
Honestly, this is shocking but I am also loving his attention. He looks so worried for me. He really wants to make sure that I am fine.
I am not exactly afraid of him. The fear of being responsible for another person getting hurt shook me the most.
"I am o-okay", I assure him.
"You need to calm yourself okay", he wraps his hand around my back and hugs me. "I just want you to know that I will never hurt you like you thought last night."
His closeness causes me to close my eyes in peace. He always brings me comfort despite everything. I lean my cheek against his bare shoulder and let the heat from his body comfort me.
Gradually, my hands lift on their own and I close my arms around him. He gathers me tighter and buries his face in my neck.
I am loving this new side of him. He is being so attentive and caring. Pulling back, he cups my face in his hands again. "I know previously I was not able to protect you, but I promise from now on you are safe. I won't let anything happen to you. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You don't have to fear anything."
I do not want to cry again but hearing his words break something in me and tears start running down my face again. I am so tired of crying. My eyes already hurt.
"I mean my words Ayla", he brushes my tears away and leaning closer, he presses a soft kiss on my lips. "You are safe"
Somehow, my mind seems to decide that I am safe with Xander for real because when I speak next, I am shock.
"I am not afraid of you"
The little girl within me was never afraid of Xander. Wary but never scared. I was only afraid of the situation and it made me feared him. He moves his hands around me again somehow tightening his arms even more and I allow the serene feeling it brings.
"Are you okay?", he asks and I nod.
"Give me your words"
"I am okay", I breath out, feeling relief that I did not stutter this time.
He pulls away slightly to look at me and for some reason, I find myself blushing. My cheeks feel hot. His piercing gray remains on my face intensely and when it becomes too much, I look away. I am finding him way more handsome and intense than usual.
"I still don't believe it", he murmurs. "Do you really feel okay?"
I nod.
He holds my heated face in his palms and gazes at me with softness. Has his icy cold self just melt for me?
He looks like he wants to kiss me.
"Nothing's wrong with this mouth now", he states huskily as he strokes my lower lip gently with his thumb. "Don't want your head falling with all the nodding. You already did that enough today. So speak to me Ayla"
"I am okay", I assure him softly.
Raising his gaze from my lips, he looks at me and in the blink of an eye, he captures my lips with his. His hand slides up my spine and rests on the back of my neck.
He pushes me gently on the bed and looms over me. Bracing himself with his hands so I don't get the full blunt of his weight, he kisses me harder.
"Do something to show me that you are not afraid of me", he says against my lips.
"I am not scared of you"
"Prove it", he insists.
He really seems to be trouble at the thought of me being scared of him. He looks lost and dishearten with himself.
Honestly, I can do a lot of things to show him that I am not scared of him. I can kick his balls. Push him off me or maybe even headbutt him. But I don't want to lose this moment with him. It feels too good.
"Prove it to me Ayla", he repeats huskily.
Turning my head to the left, I sink my teeth into his bicep and he chuckles. I feel something at the sound. It's so deep and I want to hear it again. Feeling a bit bold, I slide my hand down his back and squeeze his ass.
"Pervert Ayla is back", he smiles.
This is the first time he is smiling at me. The sight is dazzling. He has such a beautiful smile. He looks gorgeous. I can see a small dimple on his cheek. Oh my God. Wow.
Leaning down, he places a kiss on my forehead and lays besides me. Still awe with his smile, I turn on my side to face him.
That smile was something. And I want to see it again. Too bad it's rare.
"Let's go home", he states.
"I don't want to go just yet", I conclude. "You can go if you want. I'll be back later."
He missed work because of me. Again.
"I am sorry you had to miss work because of me"
"It's okay. I'll catch up. Do you want to spend the night here?"
I nod.
"Fine", he tucks my hair behind my ear with a soft caress. "We'll spend the night here"
My stomach flips again. He wants to stay with me and he is actually listening to me. Is he real or is this an imposter?
"You won't throw all this on my face tomorrow right?", I blurt.
"I didn't mean those words last time", he confesses. "I am sorry"
"Okay", I just keep looking at him. He looks genuinely sorry.
"Tell me how to make this up to you", he claims and places his hand over my hip.
"It's really..."
"Do you want more cars?", he interrupts me and I stop speaking immediately.
He wants to buy me more cars! Hell yes. I want them. But he just bought me three and it did cost a fortune.
I am about to shake my head but he adds. "No need to refuse. I saw how your eyes just lit up. We'll get it tomorrow"
Who am I to refuse now? I am getting new cars again.
"Will I get to drive them?", I ask the million dollar question.
Getting the cars for me is one thing and driving them is another. Him being so strict with me makes me wonder if I will be able to drive them.
"If you promise to inform me where you are going everytime", he negociates seriously.
I try not to look annoy and just agree. When have I ever listen to him anyway? "Okay"
"That was not a sincere okay", he remarks quickly.
"How is Emma?", I decide to ask instead. "You left her alone"
"She is fine", he replies as his gaze roams on my face. "She actually went at Peter's place this morning. She was looking for you. Said she would give you a call later"
"Come on", he pulls me suddenly and makes my head rests on his firm chest. "Get some rest"
"I want to go out", I claim and sit up.
"Where do you want to go?", he inquires.
"For a walk"
I can really use some cold and fresh air right now.
He agrees and after dressing up, we go for a quiet walk. We don't really speak much but Xander makes sure than I am okay at every second. He looks disturb for some reason. When I ask, he just says it's nothing so I let it be.
He orders dinner for us and tucks me in bed afterwards. We really spend the night at my place. The next morning, when I wake up, I am already lying on his bed.
When did he even bring me back? I really sleep like a dead person with him.
I check the time. It's already nine and he is already at the office. I shower and get ready quickly. Thank God, my face is normal now. All that crying and fearing had changed my appearance.
I feel like now there is some deeper understanding between Xander and I. I feel a bit more closer to him. And I hope he feels the same.