Sam was in a worse mood when I picked her up after school. She wasn't in a terrible mood but her features had darkened and she wasn't smiling.
She sighed as she got into the front seat.
"Hey there," I said, frowning slightly. "Are you alright?"
Samantha turned to face me and looked a little surprised.
"Oh, hi Uncle B. I thought Aunt Sarah was coming. Sorry. Yeah. I'm okay," she said.
"Are you sure? You don't look very okay," I said.
Sam looked out the window as I pulled onto the street. I saw a frown cross her features as I glanced over. I decided we needed to stop for a treat. Some ice cream and a chat.
I turned off all couple of blocks before our street and pulled into a Dairy Queen.
"What are we doing here?" Sam said, her frown deepening.
"I feel like you need a minute and maybe to talk a little. I personally like to have my deep talks over something enjoyable," I said. Sam nodded.
We went up to the window and ordered our ice cream. I led Samantha to a table off to the side where we'd be less likely to be interrupted.
"So," I said, digging into my Praline Mudslide. "Spill. What's got that beautiful smile of yours upside down?"
Sam had her spoon in her mouth and looked like she was contemplating something. She tapped the cleaned off spoon against her chin.
"I'm not sure how to explain it," she said, looking away, into the distance. She sighed.
"Well, just talk," I suggested. "Start easy until you're able to get to what you're grappling with."
"I'm not really grappling with anything. It's just," she stopped, looked away, closed her eyes and sighed and then opened her eyes and looked at me. "Ashton."
"What about him? He was Brandi's boyfriend, right? Don't tell me he hit on you," I said. That's be pretty low, I thought. To hit on the friend of your late ex-girlfriend? The one who was with her when she died?
"No," Sam said. "Nothing like that. He came up to me at lunch today to see if I was okay because of Monday."
I nodded.
"I don't know. It's like he wants me to forgive him."
"For what?" I asked.
"I don't think even he knows. Pissing Brandi off enough that she wound up getting into the accident, maybe? Or maybe just that I was there when she got into the accident? I'm not really sure if he wants forgiveness for whatever or if he's trying to just alleviate his own guilt," Samantha said.
I looked at her as she looked into her ice cream cup and dug at the icy treat within. She frowned.
"I don't know if I'm supposed to forgive him or what I'm supposed to forgive him for. If anything," she continued. "He cheated on Brandi, not me. So I can't, and won't, forgive him for that. That's not for me to do. He's going to have to live with that."
I nodded. I wasn't sure how much she wanted me to interject or advise.
"And I don't know if I can forgive him for making Brandi so upset she was driving the way she was. But, there's something else bugging me now, and I don't know what to do about it," she carried on. She stopped and was looking at me.
"What's that?" I asked.
Sam took a deep breath and looked at me straight in the eyes.
"Don't get mad because I just found this out myself."
"I'll try," I said. "But I reserve the right to be mad if it's appropriate. It's not something you did that you just remembered, is it?"
"No," she said, shaking her head. "Dylan told me last night that someone spiked some drinks with X. I don't know that Brandi didn't have one. Or if she even knew. And I don't know how to ask. Or who."
I made fists under the table.
"Before I react," I said, trying to keep my cool, and remembering the bloodwork she'd had done after the accident. It had shown nothing in her system. "Please tell me you didn't know then."
"I didn't. I swear. Dylan said it was someone who doesn't go to Mulholland who did it. And I know I didn't have any spiked drink because I drank from cans I opened only. And I never left my drink alone. If I did, I got a new one. I know better than to trust people," she said.
It made me a little sad to hear her say that because I knew she had had so many times where her trust had been broken. And this was just one more item that made me sad that Samantha went through life with a tenuous hold on her trust of the few she did trust. I knew even that trust could be on shaky ground. Samantha didn't trust easily, and when she did, she took a long time to trust again if someone broke that trust. I'd learned that the hard way.
"We know you were okay. Your bloodwork after..." I stopped. "It was fine."
Samantha nodded.
"I remember, all night I was really, really careful. I didn't want to piss you and Aunt Sarah off. You didn't have to let me go out because of the last time and I wanted to show you I could be trusted. That I would follow our rules."
"We trust you, Sam. Even after last time. We were just... look, I don't want to drag that all back up. It's in the past and we've all moved past that incident."
Sam nodded. She didn't need to be reminded.
"You did, however, have some THC in your system," I said. She opened her mouth to refute that but I put my hand up to stop her.
"The amount they measured, the doctor said was about what would be expected from someone who might have been near someone who'd been smoking."
She nodded.
"Yeah. I didn't have anything," she said. "But there were a few people smoking."
I nodded. I was a teenager once. I still smoked weed.
"So," I said. "What are you thinking?"
"About what?" She asked.
"Ashton," I said.
Samantha sighed.
"I'm seeing Dr. Angela tomorrow. I'll ask her what she thinks, too. I don't know. It's not up to me to forgive him, is it?"
"I don't know," I said. "I think that's something you need to think on. I'm happy to toss ideas back and forth with you and talk it through with you until you see Dr. Angela. Sarah would be happy to, as well. But yeah, I don't know where forgiveness fits in with that whole... thing."
Samantha smirked.
"That whole 'thing' being me nearly getting killed by a dump truck?"
"Yeah," I smiled at her. "That whole thing."
She shook her head and smiled a little.
"You're so weird," she said to me.
"I know," I said. "I write a whole album about being weird."
"And rare," she smirked.
"Indeed," I grinned back at her. "Ready to go?"
She looked down at her cup and nodded.
"Yeah. I'm ready," she said. She took one last bite of her ice cream and threw out the cup. I put my arm around her shoulders and led her back to the car.
The rest of the week - Thursday and Friday - passed without any further issues. Samantha went to school both days, and had her appointment with Dr. Angela on Thursday, as planned. She went straight up to her room when she came home with Sarah.
"Is she okay?" I asked as Sarah started pulling out fish and vegetables for dinner.
"She will be. She said she has a lot on her mind from just this week and needs a few minutes to decompress. Plus. She says she has homework, so I'll leave her for a little while. I'll check in on her in a few. Maybe we'll take the dogs out if she's up to it."
I smiled at Sarah. I know how much she's hurting about losing Jess. The pain never goes away. It just dulls. But I also could see having Sam here had been just as cathartic to her as it had been to me.
Friday afternoon Samantha was all over the place as soon as she came in from school. She couldn't stay still and was worrying about what to wear. To watch a movie. In our living room. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her fretting over what to wear, whether this was a date (I hoped not. I'm not ready to be the 'dad' in that scenario). Before Dylan came, she'd changed into a hoodie and sweatpants. Sarah questioned her.
"What if he's like Tristan?" She asked, clearly worried.
"I think he's very much not like Tristan. For starters, he asked to give you a hug on Monday when we came to get you. He didn't seem to be acting. But sweetheart, we're going to be right here," Sarah said. "If you're feeling even a little uncomfortable, just let me or Brendon know, and we'll do something. Okay?"
Samantha nodded and smiled. The doorbell rang and Samantha looked nervous again. I smiled at her as I went to open the door.
"Hey, Dylan," I said, as I opened the door. Dylan looked a little nervous. He was in jeans and a t-shirt, carrying a tote bag with some chips and a DVD inside.
"Uh, hi," he said. "Is Sam home?"
I made as though I had to think about that.
"Sam? Is Sam home? I don't think so. I think she went out with some friends," I said. Dylan's face fell. "I'm kidding, Dylan. She's inside. Come on in."
Dylan's face registered confused relief. He came into the house where he was first screened by Penny Lane and Bogart. Once they'd deemed him acceptable, I led him through to the living room.
"Hi, Dylan," Sarah said as we came through.
"Uh, hi," he said. "Hi, Sam."
Sam smiled and said hi back.
"Alright you two. We'll be outside for a while," Sarah said. "Just sitting and chatting."
"Where we will be able to hear you," I said. Samantha rolled her eyes at me. Dylan looked between the three of us, unsure what to think. I smiled inwardly. Let him sweat a little. Sam's important to me.
"What movie are you watching?" Sarah asked.
"Uh, 'The Shining'," Dylan said. "The Kubrick version. Sam's never seen it."
"Ooh. Good choice. I might stay and watch," I said. Samantha shot me such a look! "Or, maybe not."
The two of them went into the living room while Sarah and I poured ourselves a drink and went out into the backyard.
We listened for anything concerning, anything that might indicate Samantha was uncomfortable or needed an intervening adult. But the two of them seemed just fine.
When we walked back into the house, I noticed Dylan's hand was holding Samantha's. And I saw that Samantha looked comfortable.
"Everything good?" I asked as I passed through the living room.
"Huh?" Samantha said, sitting up. She looked down at her hand and pulled it away from Dylan's. I saw his face fall just a little. "Yeah. Everything's fine."
"How's the movie?" I asked. Samantha looked at Dylan and back at me.
"It's pretty good," she said. "Creepy."
Dylan smiled.
"Well, if you get scared, Penny Lane, Bogart or Dylan are right here for you," I said, noticing that the dogs had curled up near the kids.
"Are you equating Dylan to the dogs?" Samantha asked. I laughed.
"No, of course not. Just saying. I'm going to go out to my studio for a bit but your aunt is going to be in the kitchen. If you guys want anything, feel free. Sam, just remember to bolus," I said.
"You say that like I haven't been diabetic for nearly ten years," she rolled her eyes while smirking at me.
I winked at her and went back outside. The kids turned back to their movie and I knew Sam, Dylan and everyone involved were going to be okay.