i've been talking to myself lately. i think i'm getting bad again or maybe i just miss you but either way i've never felt so crazy. and i've never felt so positive that there is no way out of this. i can't be with you and i can't be without you. and you give me those pleading puppy eyes that tell me you need me but you need him more. so what do you want from me? you want me to be your slave? your dog? you want me to follow you around and worship you down at your feet so you have a backup plan in case you and your man don't work out and so you can get the extra love you need from me? i can't talk to you with out falling in love with you and you know that so why do you keep coming back for me? i don't want your remedy unless he's gone. you chose between us by not choosing and you know it. if you loved me so much you would've ran to me. "if they wanted to they would" they tell me. "maybe when they are older" they tell me. why couldn't you just be what i needed you to be now? why does everything i touch burn...
i wish to feel as deeply as i possibly can. pain demands to be felt as does love hand in hand. i want to love you so much that it creates a black hole in my heart that destructively devours everything it can, longing to fill the void that you left. i want to be imprinted on so deeply that you can see sculptures and renaissance portraits of you in my eyes. i want our hearts to beat at the same rhythm and frequency of Aphrodite. i want our fingers to intertwine and lock as we melt into each other's faces. let me be your aphrodisiac. line me up with your fingers and inhale my essence until you feel the ecstasy of my love and admiration of you. everything you do is a blessing to me. the way your hair falls in front of your face is religious. the way you move i could nearly pass away. i want to be your puppy.
just for once in your life, tell me you love me...
if you truly don't love me... why call me out of the blue on a friday at 2am? i'm trying my hardest to get over you but you keep lurking... and stalking... watching me from a distance. if you want me come and fucking take me. break up with him and run away with me. you say that it's impossible but you can't stay away from me, can you? there is something here lynn, you know there is. i love you lynn, i still do, i really do, so please just come for me. don't let this be how we end. don't let HIM be how we end. i don't give a shit if i sound desperate, i am desperate. this is how you make me. people have told me that i have no respect for myself because i have no issue begging you on my knees for you to love me. so please don't make me look like a fool for putting my all into you.
i still believe...
we could've had a really good life together, a fucking really good life. but you didn't want it Lynn. so what we got now, is Brokeback mountain.
i think the hardest part about being with you is that you are always worried about one of your past lovers instead of focusing on me. its either your man, its your ex girlfriend, its your ex boyfriend, its anyone but me. you want me to come back when you didn't give a shit about me leaving. you are in love with them. not me. i'm trying to find peace without you but you keep coming back to torture me. i don't want to feel how you made me feel ever again... like a second choice... a back up... i was the only person to give you my entire heart and soul i put my entire being into you and where did that get me? am i that worthless? am i ugly? what's wrong with me huh? you don't want me? then stop coming back.
your touch hurts...
for whom the bell tolls
put away the candles because i don't want a seance. there's no bringing what we had back. it's time to wake up and hear the bells because our time has run out. hopeless. fucking. maniac that i am. i don't want to live like this anymore. i have so much pain smushed up in my guts it feels like my soul has been curb stomped and i feel like throwing up. i feel yucky because of you :( why would you do this to me... and you love to play victim when left with your heart intact. you'll never know how i feel. i've been collecting boys like candy to overcompensate you leading me on just to reject me for what feels like several lifetimes. i don't want to think about you anymore, i don't want to write about you anymore, you don't deserve it. not after what you did to me. not after how you made me feel... the time has run out.
okay, you wanna know how i feel? fine, i'll spit it out.
you used me as a backup plan for your man, lynn. you never wanted to be with me you wanted to settle for me. you only want me when you can't have him. be honest for once. you said you didn't choose between us? you chose by not choosing. if you truly loved me you would've packed your bags and ran to me. i ran out on my fiancé for you because i don't care about anything else in this whole world if it isn't you. i told you i was going to do something and i did it. you want to blame your borderline personality disorder on it? i have that too. and i've been in this game years longer then you. be ~really~ honest now. you led me on. you said i was your soulmate, you said you wanted to be with me, you said you'd be genuinely happy with me, and most of all you said you can't stop thinking about it. then you reject me for him again.
do you know how many times you've done this? .i told you that you made your bed with him and you said you like your bed. so stay in it. and stop messing around with my heart.
get gone.
this kingdom that i built in your honor is coming down in flames by my hand. i'm ripping every brick down piece by piece wearing the white dress i gave you, your crown, and the ring i always wanted to place upon you as i think of all the things that you've done. the fire burns my skin but you left a scar the size of a trailer on my soul. im taking it down because you didn't want it lynn. so i shall make you remember this decision you made for the rest of your life. our home is gone. sleep in your bed with him while i keep only the memories of when you were mine.
open your eyes...
a pain is growing embedded in my body. everything i have shoved deep down is multiplying like cells of darkness and despair consuming my every thought. echo's of laughter surround me as i grip my hair. i hath come apart. her voice tells me to do terrible things to myself. faces of all those who hurt me swirl in blend of beauty and torture. i don't smoke cigarettes except for when i'm hallucinating. yet somehow i manage to take everything to the extreme. packs fall around me building a paper card house giving me a place i can rest and hide in. it's self harm, it's a stress reliever, it's company when i don't have any. and i never do...
mom
mom i wish i was still young, when you'd hold me in your arms
mom i wish i was still young, before i knew who you really are
mom do you still love me? more then the whiskey and the pills
mom do you still love me? since i gave into the blues
her only child
i was a baby begging you not to drink
i was a toddler begging you not to drink
i was a teenager begging you not to drink
i'm an adult begging you not to drink
i'm an addict like you now momma
are you proud?
only child burden
i've never been a spoiled brat i've been a traumatized baby. every birthday i'd wish for my dad to come back because i didn't understand why god would take him away. every night i'd wish for my momma to come home because i hated being alone. i had no one to share this burden with. no one to hug me while i cried myself to sleep. i'm a dirty addict like my momma because now i get why she left me. pain swallows people whole and puts them in holes that they can't dig themselves out of. i've been in a hole since i was a kid and it's been a one step forward two steps back experience. maybe that's why i beg for people to love me and beg for people not to leave, because i never had no one ever and once you get that moment of bliss you never want it to go away.
please don't leave me like they did
waiting for the worms by pink floyd
you cannot reach me now
no matter how hard you try
good bye cruel world its over
walk on by
sitting in the bunker behind my wall
waiting for the worms to come
in perfect isolation behind my wall
waiting for the worms to come
waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting.
would you like to see britannia rule again?
my friend?
all you have to do is follow the worms
would you like to send our colored cousins home again
my friend?
all you need to do is follow the worms
hammer! hammer! hammer! hammer! hammer! hammer! hammer! hammer! hammer!
stop!
don't bother calling
i've built up a wall higher then either of us can reach. while sit in quiet desperation all i do is loathe myself and think. nobody can save me now. i don't want anyone to save me. i don't want to love. i don't want to be vulnerable. i just want to be left alone. i feel like a wounded animal, i'm frightened, i'm vulnerable, and i will never trust again. what do you do when you've been hurt so deeply that you can never go back and never reverse it? i'm just stuck going through the motions. i'm in the thick of it. i am the thick of it. i'm so hurt that there is no hurt, i am the hurt.
dear wesley
i'm so sorry. i need you so bad right now i can't hardly stand it. i know you're gone but i can't stop thinking about you. i can't get my mind off you for a single second of the day. i need you so much right now. my best friend, my favorite person, my love, i miss you so bad that the pain ripples out of my chest and bounces right back into me. the pain i feel is so powerful that it could be felt across the world. i would wage a worldwide war if it meant i could bring you back. just know that if there was something i could do, id do it. i love you so much wesley. i wish you'd let me hug you more times. i wish you would've let me be there for you. i knew something horrible was gonna happen but i couldn't get to you. i'm sorry. i'm forever sorry. i love you
i look back at our messages and i'm disgusted with myself. you never got to see me sober. you never got to see what blossomed from what you did for me. you planted a seed in my soul and it grew. but you never got to see it. and it crushes me. and it breaks my heart every time i wake up and remember that you're gone. i need you wesley. i love you
your silence was a cry for help. i felt it in my bones that something horrible was going to happen i swear i knew it. i find myself thinking about all the things i could've done. i could've jumped your gate and rang every door bell until i found yours. i could've done something. i could've tried. you had so many dreams... you were the brightest smartest sweetest handsomest boy i've ever met. you shined so bright. you were a light in my life. the one that i truly needed. thank you for saving me. i'll be thanking you for the rest of my life. in my heart i will keep you to last me a lifetime. every time i go to the beach i feel like you are next to me getting angry that i was using fentanyl in public. if i could take it all back i would. believe me i would. to see you hurt and disappointed and fighting the urge to use because of me i'd wipe every last tear off of your beautiful face and i would take your pain onto me. i remember all of the songs i played that you loved. i remember everything and i hope i never forget it. i hope i never forget you for a single day. i promise i won't. i'll carry you with me until the day i see you again.
this household reeks of memories
i remember you used to say that being at my house was the safest you've ever felt. and how you were supposed to move in with me while we both work on our sobriety. we would've cooked together every night. i would've convinced you to dance with me. but now all i'm left with is echos of the times we've spent here. with our Stella Rosa pink and our vices while watching movies with rainbow lights circling us. what do i do now? how am i supposed to spend the rest of my life without you when we made so many plans? why did you have to pass while i'm stuck here without you? i hate these questions i will be searching for the answers to for the rest of my life.
i miss you like hell
one of my turns by pink floyd
day after day, love turns gray
like the skin of a dying man
and night after night, we pretend its all right
but i have grown older
and you have grown colder
and nothing is very much fun anymore
but i can feel one of my turn coming on
i feel, cold as a razor blade
tight as a tourniquet
dry as a funeral drum
run to the bedroom
in the suitcase on the left you'll find my favorite axe
don't look so frightened this is just a passing phase
one of my bad days
would you like to watching tv?
or get between the sheets?
or contemplate the silent freeway?
would you like something to eat?
would you like to learn to fly?
would you?
would you like to see me try?
oh, no!
would you like to call the cops?
do you think it's time i stopped?
why are you running away?
you said you loved me but you didn't
i feel so stupid chasing you around
i want to wrap your hair around my fingers
i'm lost on the bound
lynn, you torment me so
i think you ripped out my heart
disaster is in my blood
i hate being here and i hate being apart
why do you torment me so?
please don't let this be one of those times where you let me get a taste of you and then take it all away please don't do this to me i'm so scared right now i'm finally opening my heart to you again slowly but surely my life is in your hands don't destroy me all over again. i don't know what to feel. i don't know how to feel. i don't want this to end in flames.
she.is.all.that.matters
iloverheriloveheriloveheriloverheriloverher
itsneveroveritsneveroveritsneverover
my head is spinning with all of the glorious possibilities that have been presented in front of me as a gift from the universe after all the lessons and pain i've been put through. for every bone i break, for every breath i take, if she is mine everything will have been worth something. for everything i've been through since birth if you give this blessing of a women to me everything will be gone. everything will be okay. nothing else will ever matter.
sunlight beams through the leafs and it reminds me of the warmth of her smile
her joy tethered to me like a dog on a leash if she is happy everything is right in the world
motorcycle rides around the coast hold on tight to me and never let go
as i try to calm the wolf and give her a hug that never leaves her
intertwined
us forever
the delusions are getting stronger
i don't know if i'm gonna make it to our dreams. some days i make up memories that aren't mine just to feel better about being alone. and i'm not talking about the memories of my past lives of the visions i get from synesthesia, i'm talking about seeing bands that i've never seen before, making friendships with people i don't know, making playlists for people who don't know me and falling for people who no longer exist. i'm losing my mind. just hold on for me until i can find my way out of this labyrinth of psychological torture. i've gone away...
divination cannot stimulate my mind in her ways. our distance is as endless as the darkness in my soul. won't do no good to stay or leave i'm never getting what i need and there's no one to blame but me. my feel for her is not leaving no matter who she's with and that's where i fall into my own shackles and chains. nobody can help me or save me. there's no digging myself out of this love. they told me time heals but it never does for me. the distance just makes my heart grow fonder. and i'm not benefiting.
i live in a ghost town
looking out the window pane i see the tree we used to dance by. my heart it feels destroyed knowing i'll never be in your room again. another ghost town. so i wait for you to come back, oh to see you once more. cuz it's not too late. maybe i'm too fucked up to keep you in my life for longer then a month. maybe i'm too in love to keep my mouth from running off. i felt too young to keep you mine, now i feel too old. too much passion in my soul to hold on. but it's not too late...
another brick in the wall
my name means nothing i have no sense of self. i only know who i am when it means i get to love you. my future is covered in a dark ocean's fog. storm clouds follow me around while every chance of happiness now is all gone. i have no one to live for i have nothing to do. nothing makes me happy everything reminds me of you. loneliness is a killer, i'm on my own. all i do now is think about everything i did wrong, and tear up at the thoughts of the memory of you.
vera by pink floyd
does anybody here remember Vera Lynn?
remember how she said that
we would meet again
some sunny day?
Vera, Vera
what has become of you
does anybody else in here
feel the way I do?
feel my heart lynn, i think it's broken...
one day at a time.
i don't want to think about the future anymore, it only hurts. if it's not with you then what's the fucking point. i don't want to do this alone. i used to build dreams on your back, thinking of what would make you the happiest, but i think it's time to look in the mirror and ask myself what i really want. i want to build my own cabin in the mountains on my own plot of land. i want to rescue cows and other creatures from animal factories. i've always wanted some highland cows and goats. i want to be surrounded by beauty because i can't see yours. one day i hope this will all be worth it. motorcycle rides alone, morning coffee alone, eating at an empty table, the loneliness of it all. i hope it'll be worth it.
i was made to love him. he was a young fisherman like my father. he took care of me like him too. he was always my guardian angel since i was in 5th grade and now he's in the sky watching over me with my late dad. he always looked after me that's why i know for sure that he's watching me right now. if anything is his unfinished business it would be me. i loved him... i really did...do... im gonna try and love again. for him. i don't think i could ever be ready for this... that's why i'm never going to let go of him, i'm just going to learn how to accept it. "right or wrong what's done is done, it's only moments that you borrow. but the thoughts will linger on, of the baby and his song, when the sun comes up tomorrow."
you only want me when you can't have him
you never loved me
pulse is jaded from pulling on my heart strings
at least leave me my dignity
please...
you are holding my heart in your hands so i trust you know its beat and worn. lesbian romance wasn't what they made it out to be. all i feel is everything and nothing. all i feel is the empty liminals of space where our love should be. our romances, our passion was everything to me. so please, tell me if our time is done. please leave me my dignity. sometimes i think i've begged so bad that i've gone without it for some time now. i don't think i could ever get it back now... but that's not what i really want back...
ashes to ashes, blood to blood
killing myself for liberation, bury me with my lana del rey pill case. my only way of coping is hiding into myself around my precious brick and stone walls. i lived my life alone so i shall end this life alone. remember me as the dreams i had, not the mess that i am. sometimes i imagine myself as this gothic princess locked in a tall tower of her own madness who awaits for the one to rescue her before it's too late. i am a useless addict and i must simply cease to exist. all my life i've longed for something bigger then myself, bigger then any of us, and i think it might be true love. i know who i'm meant to be with, yet it was far too late. what does one do then? every day my delusions worsen and i'm afraid. i don't want anyone to see my body present with my mind gone. what does one do then?
gordon
my grandmas mother used to own her own bar when my grams was growing up. she spent most of her time by the creek in a clearing between willow trees. most nights her father would come home drunk and wanting to meddle with the sisters. he would line up the sisters on the couch by age and tell them the wildest stories that he's had. he would make them listen to him ramble on for hours or listen to him play guitar. he was in a band at an early age called Luke Warmwater and he could play any instrument he touched. when i was younger i wanted to be just like him but as alcoholics have their reputations, so did he, and he didn't live long enough to see me grow up.
all i need by radiohead
i'm the next act
waiting in the wings
i'm an animal
trapped in your hot car
i am all the days
that you choose to ignore
you are all i need
you're all i need
i'm in the middle of your picture
lying in the reeds
i am a moth
who just wants to share your light
i'm just an insect
trying to get out of the night
i only stick with you
because there are no others
i'm on a bullet train going from Kagoshima to Tokyo, Japan and i just want her to care. i'm across the country and i thought that i would find some sort of solace but all i am feeling is the immense distance between us. what are we supposed to do when we can't live together, we can't live close to each other, and she's no longer as bike ride away this time. she's states away. she said she never wants to come back and i can never join her. so what am i supposed to do besides mourn it all. mourn everything that i'm never getting back and mourning everything that i will never have. i know i will never have my own wife because i share one now, i can accept that if it means i can keep her and be apart of her whole life until we die together, if i die bury me next to haley because she was the reason for everything i did. i will mourn everything i will never have and never get back if it means i don't have to mourn her.
"i could be a good mother, and i want to be your wife"
i have to fight myself from thinking about my future with her because sometimes i don't know if it'll happen how i always dreamed it would. i just want a slow life with her. i want homemade cookies every Sunday i want a fireplace and i want a house with land and animals and her. her her her her. her. all i want is her none of my dreams matter if she's not going to be there beside me making them happen. i'd live in a trailer for the rest of my life if i didn't get to live out my dreams with her. or maybe id make all my dreams come true and wait for her to one day come home.
i don't want this to go away
i'm so scared
i can't think of going on
we all crumble under pressure
it's gonna go away...
it"s gonna go away....
it's gonna go away...
i miss you from tokyo
strings of consciousness flood down the liquid electronic circuits of my mind through the piano keys of my type writer.
i'm banging on piano. i've thought that this would happen but it's never been done before. the four sides of a home that separates two lovers, whose trapped in a hole forbidden to love one another. i don't want to be stuck down here, without her. without her. without her. was it all in my head or did i try to move a mountain? did i shut out the world and force myself to look away? i never thought that this would turn out so bad. i'm without you. the worst fate i could get.
what i love about her.
i love her childlike nature and the way she needs to be taken care of. i love her bpd sickness and how it meshes so well with my schizophrenia. i love her sweetness and her love and her care. i love how she loves her special stuffies and and all animals from birds to bugs. i love how she looks after her pets/home and cares for her people. i love how memories are important to her and she makes everything special just by being apart of it. i love how her face lights up every room she walks in. i love it when she smiles and laughs and i hate it when she cries but i love to take care of her when she does. i love how wild and free and unpredictable she is. i don't think there's a single thing i don't love about her. yet she has yet to love me.
my heart is broken
ignorance is given
complicated silence
stubborn messes
jealous wrecks
sorrow and tears
im crawling back to her
in her eyes she doesn't see me
and if she does its next to him
she doesn't feel how i feel
it's my fault, I'm a ghost
there's nothing left for her to take
if there's something she wants
i'll give it up in my blood
but she wants me to wait
i can't just waste my life away
i don't feel how she feels
my heart is turning stone
i can't live in oregon
im too fond of my misery
you can't say we didn't try you know. we got together again while we had boyfriends as a quadruple couple type thing just so that we could unleash our bottled up stashed away love for each other finally. it didn't work. the boyfriends got in the way. the mom got in the way. it wasn't the right time. i quickly realized that there's a right way of doing things and this wasn't it. putting our boyfriends through the agony, the stress, the jealousy, you name it. it shouldn't be that way because we were so selfish enough to not be able to resist each other. we are so meant to be. but my mom told me that everyone has multiple soulmates that some you aren't meant to be with and some smooth out a little better. hell, she's had her handful. the tarot said that if we act with integrity, we will end up together. to me this means if we go through with the relationships we have now and let it live or die on its own, the next relationship will be ours.
when people ask me how i can love two people at once i usually get shunned and judged, but if they really know me and they know who haley lynn whorton is they immediately know what my deal is. all i have to say it "come on, it's Lynn! she's my precious and special girl. i could never stop loving her. she's more than a woman to me" and if your my cousin kaya you'll roll your eyes and call her a bitch.
i recently got engaged to my first love max. yes yes, its awful for a lesbian to be tied down to a man. but its not just a man. he's more then just his body. he is his soul, the way he treats me, the way he loves my parents, and my first parents (my grandparents). it's the way he has always been there for me. he's the trailer park boy next door who listens to loud music and plays guitar with his 40 something year old alcoholic metal heads neighbors Ray and James, his best friends. i've done so much shitty things to him like be a fentanyl addict at 18 during our relationship and have to watch him go to sleep next to me depressed because i wanted to do a line before bed. maybe one too many. and he would stay up and make sure i was breathing. shitty, shitty things. or like how i double dated my ex girlfriend who im secretly in love with... and he's still around. he always will be around. he's my best friend. i don't know where this is going to lead me but i know that i'm just going along for the ride.
what's is and what should never be by led zeppelin
and if I say to you tomorrow
take my hand, child come with me
it's to a castle I will take you
where what's to be, they say will be
catch the wind, see us spin
sail away leave today
way up high in the sky, hey, whoa
but the wind won't blow
you really shouldn't go
it only goes to show
that you will be mine
by takin' our time, ooh
and if you say to me tomorrow
oh what fun it all would be
then what's to stop us, pretty baby
but what is and what should never be
catch the wind, see us spin
sail away, leave today
way up high in the sky, hey whoa
but the wind won't blow
you really shouldn't go
only goes to show
that you will be mine
by takin' our time, ooh
so if you wake up with the sunrise
and all your dreams are still as new
and happiness is what you need so bad
girl, the answer lies with you, yeah
catch the wind, see us spin
sail away, leave today
way up high in the sky, hey whoa
but the wind won't blow
you really shouldn't go
only goes to show
that you will be mine
by takin' our time, ooh
hey, oh
oh the wind won't blow and we really shouldn't go
and it only goes to show-ow-ow
catch the wind, we're gonna see it spin
we're gonna sail, little girl
everybody I know seems to know me well
but does anybody know I'm gonna move like hell
i miss harley davidson motorcycle rides with my aunt rhoda. ever since she crashed and broke a ton of bones we haven't gone on a ride since. i don't even know if she's gone on a ride since. but i remember how it felt. the breeze, the open terrain, the freedom, feeling like a rockstar with led zeppelin stuck in my head. i was on top of the world. i was in my element. it was everything i never knew i needed. oh take me back.
[help me]
i change every season of my life and i hate that i can't hold onto myself in these changing tides. these seasons are beautiful and i want nothing more but to just stay in them or be able to go back to them just for an hour. i miss myself. i do. i want myself back. i guess you could say that i can't handle change very well and that's true, but i can't handle nostalgia either. nostalgia is my plague in this lifetime. i think about how the older i get the more im going to miss the year 2021 and it'll get worse the more i grow up. i just hope i can overcompensate with making my current life the best it could possibly be so i don't get stuck in the past.
lately my mind has been empty as is my heart. it's unexplainable. i never know myself well enough to understand why i go therough certain motions. all that has been on my mind lately is max and haley and about how i can't have haley and about how she doesn't know if im the for her or if gabe is and she hates thinking about ending up with me and losing gabe. its actually starting to wear on me. like i told her everything in her life is about him and she idolizes him and loves him. her life is the equivalent of him and everything he is made up of. his building blocks have meshed into her brain and has infected her from the inside out. i want to be instantly picked. i want her to look at me and know that im the girl of her dreams and that im everything she wants and that she would much rather be with me. but now is not the time. then i think, if now's not the time i've when will it ever be the right time what if things just continue like this for another year and i get another changed version of her. currently we are tied to our men. but there's a difference between us. i would've ran away with her every time she asked and she could never do the same for me. so why do i settle for less then im willing to give?
blue hues of despair blind me as a bat has sharp teeth so does she and they sink into my neck infecting me with her vital essence. i can feel her soul as if it were my own i see her in such a way that leaves me breathless and dying for more. bite marks and scars. i long for her, as the moon does the sun. i long for her, as the daybreak is gone. i long for her, as if i'm standing outside of our home in the darkness watching her kiss the boy. the lights go out. and i'm nothing. cold and afraid.
she's nothing like i've ever seen before, she's so special, unique and one of a kind; heavenly so. the way her mind works, the way she loves, the way she edits pictures, the music she listens to, the movies she likes, everything that she's into. one thing that i predicted while we were together was that i could see her turning into a punk girlfriend. after we broke up that's exactly what she became. just not mine. i wish we never broke up. i wish we were still together to this day and i wish i got to witness all of her phases rather then watching her live and love from the outside, i want to feel her from the inside.
my mind is burdened.
my mind is tormented.
my mind is twisted.
my mind is demented.
my mind is grotesque.
my mind is distorted.
my mind is beyond this.
sometimes i wish i was already in the future. stable, happy, and with lynn. then i could look back at this period of my life and laugh, being genuinely content and happy that i got through this and came out the other end a new woman with a new woman. she's my rachel (from Friends) but she can never admit that im hers. she thinks me and the boy are both her rachel. what does that even mean? how could she be so helplessly and hopelessly devoted to someone like that. disgusting, disgusting creature he is. im not saying this out of jealousy but out of my full heart of hearts. i would marry her as soon as i had enough money for a ring. i would die for her. i would kill for her. i would give her everything i have and own. would she ever do the same for me? would she ever feel as passionately about me? would she ever tip the scales and love me more? no. no. and no.
the day i met her was the day that i died.
she was heaven on earth. but i knew she would either be my doom or my savior. there's blood on my face and no redemption left for me. i live in a constant battle of her slipping through my fingers and running through dimensions to turn her real. im falling. im losing her again. wind in my hair riding my bike through the underworld to find where our lost love went. sunlight through her hair and blood on her hands. lily of the valley. my gentle little girl. i could soothe you if you could reach out and grab me. i'm here if you ever want me. i'd die for you. you are my soverign little girl.