"Jamie, what do you want me to say? I'm sorry?" I asked, my voice getting loud.
"I don't want you to say sorry, there's no sorry needed, I just want you to make a decision, damn it!" Jamie yelled back, slamming his fist on the table. He raised his voice first. This was the first yelling argument we'd ever had in the past two and a half years. I knew it was coming, there was no way we were getting through planning a stupid wedding without one. We've had arguments, but they've never escalated like this. I've never seen him this mad, or heard his voice this loud.
"Well I don't know, Jamie. I can't make a decision, because they don't seem right!" I yelled.
"We can find other places! We can look at places in Anaheim or further up north, I don't know what you're expecting to find that's going to be perfect for you if you're going to be a princess about it!" He yelled back. Princess huh?
"Then you pick, it doesn't matter to me anymore. If you have a preference then you choose!"
"Would you just listen to me? Please! I want this to be the perfect day and you're not making that easy, Skyler!" Jamie yelled.
"I am listening! You're not listening to me! I can't make this decision, it's not just up to me! I'd be fine with either of them, I need you to help me here!" I yelled at him. I ran my hands through my hair, stressed out. We've never yelled at each other like this. "This isn't just about me!"
"I know it's not just about you! Your head is so far up your ass that you think that's all this is about? You're being ridiculous and stupid it's not that hard!" Jamie yelled.
"You think I'm stupid?" I asked, my voice now quiet and shaky.
"No, I just think you're being stupid there's a difference, Skyler." Jamie said, now running his hand through his own hair. I don't think he's even realized what he said. I couldn't even respond to him, I was just dumbfounded by what he said. "Are you going to say anything or just ignore me?"
"I'm taking the car. I need to breathe." I said, walking out of the room and downstairs, grabbing the keys off the hook and leaving. As soon as I got into the car I slammed my hands on the top of the steering wheel before even turning the car on. It took a minute but I put the car in reverse and drove away. I didn't know where I was going, I just needed to be away from him for a little bit. I pulled into a carpool parking lot and sat there for a minute, the music playing loudly. I screamed. At the top of my lungs I just screamed as loud as I could. Banging my fists against the steering wheel again. I get it, I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, I failed math once in high school, and english twice. It was a shock to everyone that I graduated. But that wasn't something I needed to hear from the person I loved the most in the world. The person I would do anything for and couldn't imagine saying anything like that towards. I picked up my phone to see if Jamie had texted me or anything, and there was nothing. I mean, I wasn't gone for that long so that's not all that surprising. I went onto Spotify and put on my playlist called 'fully dressed in the bathtub' which was just comprised of the saddest songs known to man.
I put the car back in drive and just started going, I didn't know where I was going but I just couldn't stop driving. I know I shouldn't have left, we should've just talked it out and I should've stayed, but after he said that I couldn't be there. The music stopped and the screen on the dash lit up with Jamie's name. I didn't answer or decline the call, just let it ring out to voicemail. It took a couple minutes but he called back and again, I just let it ring to voicemail. He called a couple more times, 5 times total, before I think he gave up. There were a couple texts that came in too but I didn't look at them either. I then got a call from Emerson, who I did answer even though I knew Jamie must have called her to see if she could get a response from me.
"What the fuck are you doing?" She asked, without even saying hello.
"Well hi to you too." I greeted.
"Hi, now what the fuck are you doing?"
"What do you mean? I'm driving." I said as I pulled off into a parking lot.
"Would you call your fiancé back please? He called me in a panic thinking you were down in a ditch somewhere. What happened?" She asked.
"We had a fight. A bad one. I just needed a break." I said, breathing out shakily.
"About what?"
"The wedding venue. We've been out to check a bunch in the past week and none of them feel right. He started yelling, so I started yelling. He said I was being a princess about it, said my head was up my own ass, said I was ridiculous and stupid." I said.
"What?" She asked, her voice getting more stern.
"Yeah." Was all I could muster out.
"That's fucked, I'm sorry girl. You should call him back though, he sounded really worried about you. I couldn't fully tell but it definitely seemed like he was crying or something." She said. I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see it.
"Okay, I will." I told her. I would at least look at his texts.
"Alright, well, update me later. I love you, drive safe, okay?"
"I will, I love you too." I responded before we hung up the phone. I pulled my phone out of the console and opened it to 6 texts from Jamie.
Baby I'm sorry
I didn't mean it I'm so so sorry
Please tell me you're okay
I love you
Come back home please
I'm so sorry please baby I love you so much
I sighed and looked them over a couple times, a couple tears falling out of my eyes. I don't know if I'm being over dramatic or not but it just didn't feel like us. It felt so wrong.
One more came in.
Talk to me please pretty girl. I love you. I'm so sorry. Come home, we'll talk about it, not yell. I miss you.
I decided to call him, not text. Which honestly kind of shocked myself.
"I'm so, so sorry baby I shouldn't have yelled. Please tell me you're okay." He said immediately after picking up after only one ring.
"I'm okay. I'm sorry too." I said, I knew my voice sounded dry and I sounded like I had been crying. So did his.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I was the one who said the cruel things, I was just angry I shouldn't have even raised my voice that was an easy conversation and I took it too far. Please come home." He pleaded, he sounded desperate.
"Okay. I don't know where I am so it might take some time." I said, I didn't want to say that it was okay he said those things, it most definitely wasn't.
"That's okay. I'll be waiting for you. I'm so sorry, Skyler. I didn't mean any of it." He said.
"I know you didn't. We'll talk when I get home." I said. There was a small silence before either of us said anything.
"I'll see you soon then. Drive safe, I love you so much."
"I love you most." I said before hanging up. I didn't even want to talk to him, which also felt so weird. I always want to talk to him, be with him. He was everything to me, and right now he was the last person I wanted to see. Mainly because I knew the second I laid my eyes on him again I would fall on my knees right into him. I put the GPS back to home and started driving, my eyes clouded the whole time. Not only was I still crying but it was also just past midnight, so the roads were dead quiet and it was pretty much pitch black out. As soon as I pulled into the driveway and tried to pull myself together the front door opened and Jamie ran outside. He immediately wrapped his arms around me for a quick hug, before letting go and resting his hands on my hips, looking in my eyes. His were red, his cheeks tear stained. Probably still looked better than me with that plus the mascara running down my face.
"I didn't mean anything I said. I'm just stressed and I shouldn't have taken that out on you, you mean the world to me and you're the last person I would ever want to hurt. You're one of the smartest people I know, even though I know you don't think it, and I'm so sorry I used that against you. You deserve to be a princess about this because it's the day you go from a princess to a queen and I'm so sorry I didn't realize that and I just saw it as a little decision that was easy to make because it's not. I'm so so sorry I said your head was up your ass that was so rude and uncalled for, not to mention not true at all. You were worried about me in that moment and I couldn't even think about anything else for a second to realize it. I shouldn't have raised my voice at you, point blank period, it shouldn't have happened and I have no excuse. I shouldn't have done anything in that conversation, I should have treated you with more respect. It was completely my fault. I raised my voice first and made it into a fight." He said, I don't know if I saw him take a single breath that whole time.
"Jamie-" I started to say.
"No, don't tell me it's okay, don't say you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for, and there is no way in hell anything I said or did earlier was okay, so I don't even want to hear it. You raised your voice because I did. That was how you were able to be heard and I still didn't hear you. I'm sorry. You can pick any venue you want. It has to be special to you and it has to feel right, if none of those felt right then we're not doing it there." He said, still looking into my eyes as tears started to come out of both of our eyes.
"Don't do it again." I said, my voice soft and still shaky, it wouldn't come out confidently no matter how hard I tried in that moment.
"Never. I will never yell at you ever again. I will never let my anger get the best of me. I will never make you feel like you have to run again." He said. I was trying to fight the small smile that was forcing itself out. "Can I kiss you?" He asked, now it was his turn for his voice to be weak.
"You never have to ask." I responded. He smiled a little bit and put a finger underneath my chin, pulling my chin up slightly before placing his lips ever so softly on mine. I leaned into the kiss a little bit more, so the kiss wasn't as soft. "I love you, and nothing is ever going to change that." I said quietly against his lips.
"I love you most, and I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you." He said, and rested his lips on mine once again.
"It's a little chilly outside, can we go to bed?" I asked him. He nodded and snaked an arm around my waist, ushering me inside and up the stairs. We both quickly changed and got ready for bed. I laid on his chest for a few minutes in silence. "We can do Cambium Farms." I said quietly after a bit.
"Really?" He asked, I could hear the happiness in his voice, he really liked that one. So did I, to be honest, I was only hesitant on a couple little things that I was betting could be fixed or figured out.
"Yeah." I said, lifting my head up from his bare chest to look at him.
"Are you saying that because you want to or to make me happy?" He asked.
"Both. Marriage is about compromise right? I think it was gorgeous, and location wise it was definitely the nicest. I was just hesitant on the no air conditioning in the middle of the summer, and I didn't love their dishes. But dishes are easy, and I'd marry you anywhere." I said. Why couldn't it have been this easy earlier?
"I love you, so fucking much. You know that right?" He said, leaning down and kissing me passionately with a huge smile on his face.
"I love you the most." I said, with a hidden giggle in my tone.
"I'll call them tomorrow." He said as he kissed me one more time and leaned his head back. "You know that means we have the hardest part of the planning done, right? Now it's just smooth sailing." I laughed heartily.
"Sure." I said, trying not to crush his dreams.
"What?" He asked.
"Smooth sailing? Good try baby. Now we have to pick the guest list, make invitations and send them out. We have to get the dresses for bridesmaids and suits for groomsmen, not to mention we have to formally ask them, book a photographer, pick a menu and caterer, wedding favours, get an officiant, transportation for us to and from the venue, we need wedding bands, bachelor and bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner and planning for that, vows, do we want a DJ or just a playlist, pick our special songs, seating arrangement, and we need decor and everything like that." I said, and that was just what I could think of off the top of my head.
"It'll be worth it in the end." Jamie said after a pause with his eyes wide, and getting wider with every new point I added.
"We can deal with the groomsmen and bridesmaids probably this week, we have everything for that we just need to ask them." I said, looking underneath the desk where our baskets were. I made him make one for the guys. His was simple, it had a flask for each of them with their names engraved on it, a pair of matching socks and ties that match the colours we decided on, a bottle opener, and a pair of sunglasses. The bridesmaids one was kind of similar, there was a Yeti cup with their names engraved on it, a necklace for each of them to wear day of, scrunchies that are the wedding colours, a candle with their favourite scent, and heart shaped sunglasses. We probably weren't going to ask them all at the same time, my idea for the girls was to just drop them off at their doorstep and run away, except for Erin's since I was asking her to be my maid of honour, and Amelia to be the flower girl.
"Yeah I think I'm getting together with the boys on Friday, going golfing or something." Jamie said.
"That should be a good time." I responded. My eyes started to get heavy, and I could feel my body drifting off.
"You're tired, my love, you've had a long day. Go to sleep, it's okay." Jamie said softly, running his hands through my hair and kissing the top of my head. I nodded against his chest.
"I love you." I mumbled as best I could.
"I love you most, goodnight." He said, leaning his head down so his cheek made contact with the crown of my head. I wasn't even awake long enough to respond back to him before I fell.
"Okay, so I need you guys to close your eyes." I said. I had the four girls in the car with the bridesmaids boxes in the trunk. They all gave me a confused look. "Just do it, okay?" They all sighed simultaneously before closing their eyes. I got out of the car and opened the trunk, going in one by one and putting their box on their laps.
"Skyler, what are you doing? Are you okay?" Nadine asked.
"Everything's fine, just keep your eyes closed." I said as I brought the last box over and set it on Alice's lap. I closed the trunk and went back to the drivers seat, sitting down and closing the door. "Okay, now you can open them." I said happily.
"Skyler!" The girls all yelled, with huge smiles on their faces. They opened the boxes to see what was inside and squealed a little bit.
"This is so beyond cute, oh my god!" Emerson squealed out as she reached over the console and gave me a hug.
"Can I can dibs on saying yes first because YES!" Alice yelled, super loudly, making everyone just laugh at her a little bit.
"1000 times yes, this is so amazing!" Nadine said happily.
"I can't wait, we are going to throw you the best bachelorette party!" Eliza squealed.
"So do we have a date at all?" Emerson asked.
"July 22nd 2023 at 3pm at the Cambium Farms basically in Caledon." I said happily. Jamie and I just finalized the date yesterday so it was super fresh and no one other than us, and now the wedding party since he was asking his friends today too. The girls and I hung out for a while before I had to drop them all off at home, since I was meeting up with Callie, Oakley, and Claire for dinner to ask them as well.
"Alright ladies I need a huge marg let's get this dinner on!" Claire said as she came over to the table on the patio. "Hold up, what are these boxes?" She asked. I had gotten here early and laid all the boxes out on the table for them to see once they arrived, obviously not letting them in until they were all here.
"I don't know, why don't you open them to find out?" I asked, smiling a little bit. I was struggling to contain my excitement for this moment.
"Skyler!" Callie yelled as soon as she opened the lid of the box to read 'I have anxiety please stand with me' I thought it was a super funny thing to put on the box, Jamie didn't find it as funny as I did though.
"Sky, for one, this is hilarious, and two YES!" Oakley yelled, standing up from her chair and pulling my into a super tight hug, Callie and Claire following right behind.
"I can't wait, this is going to be the best wedding ever." Callie said as well cleaned up and sat back down. The dinner went over really well, we had lots of fun just talking and hanging out for a while, before it was time to head out for the night. I knew Jamie probably wouldn't be home yet, since he was going golfing with the guys, and if I know my man right, well, I'll probably be asleep before he comes back.
"Baby! Is that you?" He yelled from upstairs as I opened the door.
"He's home?" I asked Tina as I looked over at her in the living room.
"Has been for a couple hours." She stated.
"What the fuck?" I asked quietly as the running foot steps came down the stair. "Okay, please don't fall." I said, laughing as he slipped down the last two steps.
"How many yes's did you get today?" He asked, his hands on my hips, and his feet still moving up and down.
"I got seven haven't asked Erin yet since we're going to ask Amelia to be the flower girl." I said, putting my hands on his shoulders, trying to stop him from moving.
"I got six, I just have Mason and Trevor when we get back to Anaheim." He said. He couldn't stop moving his feet and getting all excited, I was honestly shocked that he seemed way more excited about this whole wedding than I was. "Did you eat? Can we get McDonalds?" He asked.
"I did eat, I told you I was doing dinner with the Rangers girls to ask them, but yes we can still get McDonalds I want a McFlurry." I said, I starting rubbing my hands up and down his arms. He did a little jump and grabbed the keys out of my hands as he somehow simultaneously put his slides on.
"Let's go, pretty girl, I need a junior chicken!" He yelled as he ran out of the door. I stood there shaking my head and laughing a little bit before coming right behind him.
"When I think about you, I think about seventeen I think about my old jeep, think about the stars in the sky, funny how a melody sounds like a memory like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night. SPRINGSTEEN!" Jamie and I yelled at the top of our lungs to the Eric Church song on the radio.
"I love this song." I said happily as I stuck my arm out of the window.
"Me too, I can't wait to see him tomorrow." Jamie said.
"What?" I asked.
"Yeah, I hope you didn't make plans." He said, so casually.
"Jamie, what do you mean? What are you saying?" I asked, my eyes growing wide. Eric Church was my favourite artist of all time, I've never been able to see him live but he's one artist I always heard put on a great show and I'd love to see.
"We may or may not be going to see him tomorrow."
"What?" I practically screamed.
"Yeah, did I not tell you that?" He asked, smiling without taking his eyes off the road.
"No!" I yelled, I was now insanely excited. I was never much of a concert person, I had been to a. few but they weren't super important, when I was a kid it was hockey game or concert and I always chose hockey. But I will always flex the fact that I saw One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer in 2014.
"I knew I didn't, I just wanted to surprise you with it. I know he's your favourite so I bought tickets a while ago and I was just really hoping when you went into my Apple Wallet you didn't see the tickets." He said, letting out a little laugh at the end.
"I definitely didn't. Baby, that's so sweet, thank you so much!" I said happily.
"Anything for you, my love." He smiled over at me. "And you know, after yesterday I feel like today is the right time to tell you." He said.
"Yesterday is in the past, it's all good now J, we figured it out." I said, he reached a hand over the console to me and intertwined our fingers, giving my hand a loving squeeze.
"Now we can just look forward to Eric Church!" He said as we pulled into the McDonalds drive through. Jamie ordered his food and my McFlurry and I started eating whilst on the way home. We went right up to bed basically as soon as we finished eating and sat in bed watching a movie for the night.
"I am not sorry for the person I will be today." I said to Jamie as I skipped down the stairs to see him in the kitchen.
"I was going to bring you coffee but okay. And please explain to me the person you will be today and why you're not sorry for her?" He asked, putting down the car keys on the table.
"For one, I want coffee let's go get coffee. For two, I am just so excited and can't wait for the concert and I will be talking about it all day. I'm taking a bet right now that he's opening with The Outsiders." I said, drumming my hands on the counter and pushing myself up in the air a couple times.
"Are you sure you need coffee?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I started glaring at him. "Okay point taken, get in the car let's go get you some coffee before I get slapped." Jamie laughed.
"Good choice." I said, running over to the front door and slipping my shoes on as I ran out the door.
"I think she's a little excited." I heard Gary say to Jamie as I left the house.
"Just a little bit." Jamie said while laughing.
"Come on! The faster we do this the faster the concert comes!" I yelled, pulling on the car door handle.
"I don't think that's how it works, Sky." Jamie said, shaking his head. We got into the car and he started driving away as I plugged my phone into the AUX to play some Eric Church. It was a rule in my head that on concert day you can only listen to the artist to prep yourself. We sang to the music the entire car ride, more like yelled. It didn't take long to get back home with the coffee after our pre-concert concert. Jamie and I went upstairs and hung out for a while. I decided to shower while he played a game for a bit.
"Baby, have you seen my hair straightener anywhere?" I asked him.
"It was in the top drawer in the bathroom last I saw. I put it in there to clean up." He said. "But hey, before you look for it I have a complaint."
"And what's your complaint?" I asked.
"That you came out here in a towel and didn't drop it for me? The fuck? Do you even love me anymore?" He asked. I laughed at him and walked over to where he was sitting on the bed.
"I love you so much, Jamie, I'm so sorry." I said sarcastically and stood in between his legs. He unhooked the towel from itself and opened it up to look at my bare body.
"You're so beautiful. I am so insanely lucky to have you forever." He said quietly. I hooked the top of the towel back into itself and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, leaning down and kissing him.
"I'm so lucky to have you forever. You're so special and handsome. I can't believe you're mine." I said smiling happily.
"I can't wait to tie the knot." He whispered. "I don't wanna wait a year, let's just go elope." He said.
"Nope, not after the big argument the other day, I'm not throwing all this away." I said and kissed him again before walking back into the washroom. I blow dried my hair and straightened it. I didn't want to do my makeup or get dressed this early, so I just put on sweatpants and a t shirt while sitting on the bed and doing a little bit of work that should've been done yesterday for the team. "When are we leaving?" I asked Jamie after a little bit.
"Well I was thinking we'd just eat dinner here and then get to the concert for 7:30 ish. There's no opener so if we leave at 6:45 that should be lots of time." He said. I nodded without saying anything and stood up to get dressed and do my makeup. It was 4:30 so I should be able to get it done and fix my hair to eat and leave by then. Plus I had all my work done in that time anyways. I finished getting ready at the perfect time to go downstairs to eat. Once we were done Jamie and I came back upstairs for him to change because why would he have done that earlier when we had more time? We were both wearing shorts and different coloured flannels, he wore a white tank top underneath and I had a black cropped tank top. We shockingly found great and decently cheap parking which was shocking in Toronto.
"Do you want a t shirt?" Jamie asked as we started walking the concourse.
"Maybe." I said, looking up at him with a sly smile.
"Alright, pick whatever one you want." He said, putting an arm around the back of my waist. I picked out my favourite, and Jamie got one too. We went and got drinks before going over to our seats to wait for the show. The stage was in the middle of the floor, and the floor was full of general admission, but we were centre stage front row of the actual seats so it was an amazing view. "How's this?" Jamie asked once we sat down.
"Jamie, how did you manage this? This is incredible!" I said and hugged him tightly. I was over the moon happy and excited for this night and concert.
"As I said before, anything for you." He said, giving me an extra tight squeeze. We got the people behind us to take a picture for us. We sat just talking for a while before the lights went down.
"I knew it! I called it! He'd open with The Outsiders!" I yelled the second the song started playing, before he was even out on stage. Jamie just laughed at me and nodded. I screamed along to every song throughout the night, it was the best concert I could've imagined. He played my favourite songs but one, unfortunately no Russian Roulette but that's okay, he did play Cold One which was a win. "Best concert ever!" I said as Jamie and I walked out of the building.
"I wish you could hear yourself right now, you were screaming so much you have no voice anymore." He laughed out.
"It's worth it. That was so much fun and so amazing baby. Thank you so much." I said, stopping him in his tracks and leaning up to kiss him passionately. He set his hands on my waist and pulled me in as close as I could get. In the kiss I moved my hand and took the cowboy hat off of his head and placed it on mine, trying really hard not to laugh.
"Hey, what the heck that's mine!" He exclaimed, with a joking tone.
"What's yours is mine!" I said, walking away and towards the car park.
"Uh huh, sure." He said. We got into the car and he started driving back home for the night. I pulled out my phone and decided to post the couple pictures of us, along with a couple videos from the concert. I picked up Jamie's phone to send myself the video he took of me yelling to Cold One and I added that in there.
skylercowen: what was my fav part of the night? eric church or (at)jamie.drysdale ??
(at)trevorzegras: wtf why wasn't i invited
(at)trevorzegras: but also definitely eric church
(at)maxjones88: eric church.
(at)daniterry1: it should be jamie but i know it's eric
(at)alicedarlinggg: wow. eric church??? jamie must LOVE you
(at)jamiedrysdale: really feeling loved by these comments lol but yeah it was definitely church