Content Warning: Cannibalism. And it's written to be extremely disturbing, yup this chapter is the reason I had to put cannibalism in the tags.
Ever since their near destruction, the Marthanoirí had been treating Shimmerspark as a hero who'd always be remembered. From what they'd known of her, she'd be put on a pedestal and pictured as perfect forevermore. Therefore, the cats of the future generations would know her for the small part of her reflected in her heroic acts, not for her history and identity.
Silentdawn simply laid alone in the cavern lost in wonder and despair, turning over those thoughts she'd had upon finding Shimmerspark's remains again and again. Did I have feelings for you, and never notice them until it was too late?
I wanted you. I needed you, you came when everyone else was gone. I loved you, and that's why I hated you so much. Confusion about her own feelings came to play along with her misery. I wanted you, because there wasn't really anyone else , and so I hurt you. In fact, she'd tried to end Shimmerspark's life, feeling like it was the end after she'd become an empty shell.
What were you to me? This all felt like some kind of false memory to mask her guilt. No, that was right. She didn't feel grief over that she-cat's death. It was guilt. And, yet among it, a sense of loneliness. The realization that Stormray was now the final living cat who cared about her struck her soul like a bullet. She'd been closer to them than she'd ever been to anyone else, yet were they just some replacement for what she never could've had? Sunpaw...
Maybe that was why she missed Shimmerspark so much. She felt like she carried Sunpaw's last remnants with her, like Sunpaw wasn't really fully gone after all. And yet, now she was.
She stood up, beginning to walk towards another spot. It felt just like last time.
You're dead, so you're body's going to rot away until there's nothing left. Let me taste you, before there's no trace of you in the world.
They'd held a ceremony where they'd buried Shimmerspark's remains. Silentdawn nearly smiled for the first time in forever at the convenience. She knew exactly where to find her.
And when she did, she dug. It doesn't matter what I do right now. I should be dead. If things went how they should've, I'd be the one in this grave.
She dug faster. You took my fate away, you averted my destiny.
Silentdawn simply couldn't let the urge go. As soon as the gruesome site was fully unveiled, she began to indulge in the taste. While her body simply went on devouring the symbol of the things she'd craved for and lost, her mind was a wreck. Why am I doing this? God, this is disgusting. Why am I still doing this vile thing? I should stop.
And yet she didn't, she simply let herself do it.
Silentdawn finally let the worries go, and indulged in her last taste of love. It was unfortunate love had to taste like blood and rotting flesh, but she'd been starving for it. Her tail swished as the sudden sound of footsteps caused her to stop. She panicked at the thought that some random member must've walked in on her disgusting feast, only to turn and notice Stormray standing behind her.
They stared blankly at the brutal site in shock. She awkwardly tried to step in front of the bloody scene she'd made, only to realize that her face and white undercoat was splattered in scarlet. She stopped, not saying anything. The she-cat simply stared at them in shame.
Yet, Stormray seemed indifferent. At a quick peek, they quickly seemed to realize what they were looking at, what she'd done. "What made you feel like doing it?" they asked her, coldly.
Silentdawn felt the guilt that stopped her from talking fade when she realized something, all this act accomplished was make her just as evil as they were. Stormray had murdered innocents before, and admitted it to her without even caring what it'd make her think of them.
"It...it's just," Silentdawn stared at the ground with tired eyes. Finally, she forced herself to face the Hell she'd been looking away from, and let out the torment. "Sunpaw's gone. Everyone's gone. Now, Shimmerspark's gone too. I...I just had to."
Stormray stared back at her, with piercing eyes that looked like they gazed past her eyes and right into her soul. "Don't you feel like a fate of ours has been stopped? As if we shouldn't still be alive, and yet are?"
"Yes!" Silentdawn had never agreed more with something, she almost felt stunned at what they'd said.
"Then, do you want to join me?" they spoke. Silentdawn was quick notice the echo of their other talk.
"Join you in what, exactly? Why must you be so vague?" she asked in frustration.
"In a place where fate is organized. There'll be no worry, for all of it will go as cause and effect plans it, and we will know that, my love," they replied. "If you join, you will learn there's a truth behind all that happens, leading it all on. All you experience, through your mind and senses, is simply manufactured by reality. Life doesn't care how it hurts you. It crafts your experiences how it wants to, but you can gain a higher throne on it by affecting the destinies of those around you."
Silentdawn felt stunned as she stared at the black cat, struggling to understand what they'd just told her. She stared back into their eyes, and just then, she saw right into their soul as well. "Your eyes are a hauntingly bright green, and yet they're so beautiful. Even poison must taste wonderful when you're so starved, you're going to die anyway," Stormray told her.
They'd struggled so much too, and yet they'd brought themselves to cats who'd somehow relieved them of their suffering, with simply the power of words and knowledge. She'd suffered so much, been abandoned and tormented so many times, she simply could no longer take it. They were right, it'd be consuming poison. Yet she'd been starving for moons now.
"If something is physically possible, you are able to do it if you wish," they meowed. "Morality isn't a law of physics, or the universe. It's simply something made up by our minds. Don't let it restrain you, break free from your mind."
Silentdawn stared at them for a moment, struggling with whether the feelings of love and admiration she felt were real or just a reaction to company contrasted with her usual loneliness. She'd spent moons wandering the wilderness furiously looking for vengeance, for a brutal resolution to her own rage and despair. But deep down she'd been desperate for any kind of affectionate contact, for any kind word, whether meaningful or just another sweet-nothing.
"Yes," she finally replied. "I will join you."
A sudden scream of horror shocked her out of her pondering. "Iskra!?"
She turned around, stricken with panic when she saw Duilleog staring at the scene around them in pure horror. "What have you...done?" Her panicked eyes seemed to grow wider as they stared at Shimmerspark's remains, at the state they were in, and was suddenly hit by the realization. "You...you demon!"
As she stared at Duilleog, she suddenly found herself turning to stare at Stormray. They simply gazed ahead calmly. Maybe soon, I'll be that wise and calm.
Lashing her tail, she spat out a command at the two. "Get away from this group, now. And don't you ever come back. I don't ever want to see you two again. If you're not off this field right now, I won't even deal with convincing you. I'll end your lives."
Neither of them said anything. Stormray simply turned away. "I knew this would happen. Come along, Silentdawn. We're going to the place destiny will bring us."
She was unsure how to respond. Instead, she simply complied and walked away, alongside Stormray. They were right. Morality was simply a cage, keeping her from doing what she should. From now on, she'd simply do what she could to battle despair away.
In a way, Sunpaw herself had been a substitute in her loneliness. Her father's death had come very shortly after she'd become an apprentice, leaving her with no parents. She'd been a paragon of perfection in the darkness. But it was okay. This was love, right? She loved Stormray too.
Besides, she was carrying their kits, now. It likely wouldn't be long until they were born.
Silentdawn sighed, trying to force those thoughts to stay behind her as she and her lover traveled towards times of Heaven.
//
A/N
Omg, I'm 1 chapter away from finishing the book! Wow!
I put this chapter off too much, and wrote it all in a day, so I ended up staying up till 3 AM writing this on a school night. But oh well I'm finished it now.
I'm planning to do the last chapter next week, which is also the last week before spring break, so that will be cool.
Oh yeah also Silentdawn is in The End of Evangelion. Whoa.