A few days pass by and my friends often visit, but I always turn them away at the door.
I walk the empty halls of the school while everyone is in class. I make my way to the library and go to the very back where I always do and look through the magical creatures section, looking for anything on Obscurials or Obscuri.
As per usual, I don't find anything, no matter how many books I scour.
"I thought I would find you in here." Professor Lupin's voice makes me jump.
I close the book I was reading.
"Madam Pomfrey said you like to go on walks during class time when no one else is around. And the library happens to be the quietest place of them all."
"I like to read. It distracts me from other things."
"Judging by the books you are looking at, it hasn't distracted you from everything... You won't find books about Obscurials in this section. They are all in the restricted section."
"I thought I couldn't go in there. I mean, it is called the restricted section."
"You can if you have a teacher's permission."
I look him in the eye, "Are you giving me permission?"
"I doubt your curiosity will halt until you learn what you so disparately want to know." He smiles, "So, yes. I will permit you."
Lupin leads me to the blocked-off section of the library and he says to Madam Pince, "She's with me, Irma."
With much reluctance, Ms Pince moves the rope out of the way, obviously not wanting to let a student into the restricted section, but Lupin stands his ground and she lets us both through.
Professor Lupin walks past several shelves before stopping in front of one and walking down the aisle until a certain point. He runs his finger along the dusty shelf and plucks a single book, "This should do the trick."
He hands me the book and it feels like it will crumble if I turn the pages, "Why are you doing this, Professor? There isn't really any reason you should be helping me."
"The reason is your friends, Charlie. They won't stop asking questions. The more they ask, the more likely I am to crack and tell them the truth which I'm sure they would prefer to hear from you." He says while he continues to scan the shelves for any more books.
"So you're only helping me because you want me to talk to my friends again?"
"Yes and no. I think talking to your friends again would be good for you. Reading that book will tell you that. But I also know you and your curiosity. And as your teacher, it is my job to fuel that curiosity." He points to the tattered book in my hands, "That book will answer all of your questions and ease your mind. I'm sure of it."
"Thank you, Professor Lupin."
I sign out the book with Lupin's signature and return to the hospital wing minutes before classes end for lunch.
The book makes a cracking sound when I open it and I'm scared the pages are going to fall out. I carefully turn each page as I read and learn about Obscurials.
When a magical child is forced to suppress their magical abilities through psychological or physical abuse, they will begin to develop a parasitical force of dark magic called an Obscurus.
Only Obcsurials with the strongest magical ability can live beyond the age of ten. Even so, the Obscurus within will slowly poison and kill them by consuming all remaining magical power the child possesses. The few witches and wizards on record that lived past the age of ten still went on to live shortened life spans due to the severity of their condition.
Obscurials were most common in the era when Witches and Wizards were hunted and killed by Muggles. Children would be forced to hide their powers to survive one evil but would succumb to another the longer they went without using magic.
I close the book when I notice Madam Pomfrey poking her head through the curtains, "One of the Weasley boys is here to see you."
"Only one?"
"Charlie!" He calls from the entrance of the hospital wing, "It's George!"
"Let him in," I say and Madam Pomfrey disappears for a moment. I tuck the book under my pillow. Instead of Madam Pomfrey reappearing, George arrives at the split of the curtains.
I stand from my bed, "Not another step." I walk over to him and closely inspect his face. I reach up my hand and pull at his cheek.
"Ow!" He swats my hand away, "What are you doing?"
"I had to check and see if you were really George or if Fred had charmed himself to look like you."
"Are you satisfied?" George rubs his cheek.
"Yes." I walk back to the cot and sit down. George sits down at the foot of the small bed, "Does this have to do with the fight you and Fred had?"
"You know about that?"
"Of course, I know about it. Fred's my brother, he tells me everything. More importantly, he won't stop telling me about all of the different ways he would've gone about it."
"It wasn't really a fight." I admit, "It was more, me yelling at Fred and then leaving."
"That's not how he sees it. He feels bad for pressuring you."
"So instead, he's pressuring Professor Lupin." I raise a brow.
George smiles, "He only wants to know that you're okay."
"He also wants to know the truth about everything. And I know you and Lee do too."
He shifts in his seat, "Is that so bad? We want to help you. No matter what you tell us."
"Don't say that. You can't say that." I say coldly.
"And why not?"
"Because you don't know what the truth is. And once you do... You'll leave me like all my friends have before."
George stands from his seat, "You don't need to tell us the whole story if you're not ready. Something... We just want to know something." He opens the curtains to leave and I call out to him, "Tomorrow! At lunch!" He stops, "You can visit. Lee and Fred too. And I'll... I'll tell you what I can."
George smiles faintly, "See you tomorrow then, Charlie."
-
When the three of them arrived, I expected Fred to be more excited or energetic. Instead, he seems more tired and sad. The curtains have been pulled back so that all three of them can sit comfortably around the cot.
"So what's happened while I've been gone?" I ask, trying to clear the obvious tension.
Lee answers after a minute of awkward silence, "Slytherin beat Ravenclaw at quidditch."
"Oh." I nod, "Is that good news for the Gryffindor team then?"
"Wood says so," George replies.
"Good." The awkward silence returns and I decide to say what I've been holding back, "I know you all are aware of the reason I brought you here... You want to know the truth about me."
Fred who has been abnormally quiet, finally looks up from the floor.
"Well... Well first of all..." I laugh nervously, feeling terrified to tell them, "I have issues with managing my magic. That's why I don't like doing spellcasting." I lie. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell them the truth.
Fred frowns and looks back down at his hands.
"That day in Defence Against the Dark Arts I was so shaken that I went to the washroom and blew up one of the walls."
"What was your Boggart? If you don't mind my asking." Lee says.
I try to come up with another lie, "There was this house that burned down on my street. I tried to save the people inside, but I couldn't."
I look down at my hands which I had been gripping so tightly, I made crescent moon-shaped cuts in the palm, "That's all I can tell you... For now.".
"That's it?" Fred leans closer, "You didn't tell us anything."
"There is more, but I'm scared of what you'll say if I tell you." I look everywhere but at Fred.
"Charlie. With your spellcasting abilities, you shouldn't have been able to-"
"Drop. It." George hisses at his brother.
Fred looks at each of us before standing and storming out of the hospital wing.
"What's his problem?" I ask, knowing full well what his issue is.
"Sorry, Charlie." Lee apologizes, "I think Fred has gone a bit loony coming up with theories as to what your big secret is. He hasn't been sleeping properly and spends more time than I've ever seen with his nose in books."
"That's okay. I'll talk to him about it." The mood in the room goes back to awkward and silent with Fred's exit.
"Any essays I should be doing?" I joke.
George smirks, "Snape's been threatening to give you an extra long O.W.L if you don't come back to class soon."
"I'd like to see him try... And even if he does, I would ace it."
"Are you sure?" Lee teases, "It's been a while since you were in class, maybe you're not as good anymore."
"Then you can find someone else to help you with your Potions homework." I cross my arms right across my chest.
"No!" Lee hugs my legs, "I'm sure you are the greatest potion master in Hogwarts! Even better than Snape! No matter how long you take off!"
"I'll think about helping you." I smile through pressed lips.
"Hagrid says that working with magical creatures might help your condition," George interjects.
"He might be right too." I nod my head, "That doesn't mean I'm ready to come back, though."
"Yeah." He looks down, "You will one day, right?"
"Of course... Of course, I'll come back... I just need time."
George looks at his wrist as if he has a watch on, "Speaking of time! Almost the end of lunch!"
"You can't of been here longer than fifteen minutes. There's no way lunch is almost over." I object.
George and Lee are scrambling out of their seats to get to the hospital wing doors where I can see Fred standing and waiting for them.
I call, "If you were bored, you could have just said that!"
I take my book back out from under my pillow and continue reading.
In the history of Obscurials, few have been able to control their abilities. Most will struggle when it comes to emotional regulation and temperament.
Oscurials cannot be killed while in Obscurus form.
With no clear cure, an Obscurial will inevitably die.
I shut the put book. Not wanting to read any more fun facts about the concept of my death. You want to kill me? You're going to have to try a lot harder than that.
I get up - book in hand - and waltz my way to the library.
"I'll be returning this." I put the old book on the counter in front of Madam Pince. She crinkles her nose at me, "You took this book out one day ago."
"And I've read enough of it." I state, patting the book a couple of times, "I've decided to live." I smile.
She does not return the gesture. She puts her hand on top of the book and slowly pulls it along the countertop and I watch it vanish underneath the desk without a word, accompanied by unbroken eye contact.
"Thank you?" I say and leave before Madam Pince can say another snide comment.
I stop in the magical creatures section and flip through some of the books I had read in the past weeks and take a moment to read the passages without thinking about Obscuri.
"Charlie?" A small voice squeaks from the end of the aisle. I look and see a head of bushy hair, "Hello, Hermione."
"You're... You're here."
"Yes. I do come here often."
"It's been a month."
"Has it been that long already?" I take a moment to think, "No wonder you're so shocked to see me."
"Are you coming back to Gryffindor soon?"
"You know what, Hermione? I think I will be."