"He is found dead at the parking area."
"..."
"In his car."
"..."
"He shot himself on the head."
"..."
"Mr. Park is dead, Mrs. Pham. We're doing the autopsy as soon as the authority issues the warrant."
Hanni had heard that the first time loud and clear. She was not sure what to do or feel regarding this situation. She wanted to be happy that the person who had hurt the love of her life got what he deserved. But where's the justice? He was free just like that. He's dead, and what? What would happen next? He just left his mess and granted it to her to deal with it
Why didn't he kill himself without harming her Minji? Why didn't he follow his family and leave her Minji alone if in the end, he's join them without hesitation? What was all of this about, a revenge that he didn't desire to win or just an irresistible decision at the moment?
Whatever his motives were, her Minji was still in coma. Whether he alive or dead, her Minji still couldn't breathe by herself. So it didn't matter to her. He could've gone straight to hell for all she cares.
*********
Hanni stared at her reflection in the mirror. She watched herself crumbling down. She'd died thinking Minji wouldn't be around. She was losing her mind. Her senses were numb. There was a huge hole in her soul, an unexplainable emptiness as she fathomed that Minji might not able to make it out alive.
It had never really crossed her mind how substantial Minji's presence to her being, how Minji could easily take away her happiness, how Minji's absence could destruct of her entire existence. She thought she'd always have Minji by her side. Did she depend on Minji too much? Was it normal to feel what she felt now?
All of sudden, she was alone in the deserted road. Her one and only companion left her just like that, without warning, without telling her how to survive. How was it possible for her to continue by herself? It was beyond believe that death could make a great impact on someone's life.
A touch on her hand startled her, interrupting her wandering mind.
"You're holding up the line, Han." Gently, the intruder pulled Hanni from the sink as she flashed a quick smile to the people who had queued.
"Kazuha? What are you doing here?"
"Do you have a seat somehow?"
"No."
"Okay." Not letting Hanni's hand off of hers, Kazuha led the way to the nearest empty table. She withdrew the chair and let Hanni sat on it.
"Coffee?"
"No, thanks, I'm not hungry."
"It's not a meal, Han. Just a drink." Kazuha observed Hanni closely. The woman was unfocused. She couldn't blame her. She understood how Hanni felt at the moment. After all, they once lived together and she still cared about Hanni a lot.
"Oh, yes, um... okay, sure."
The taller woman ordered two latte while occasionally glancing at their table. Hanni was as blank as before. Her eyes were empty. She vacantly stared far ahead. Kazuha exhaled a deep breath. Her heart broke watching Hanni like this. However, she couldn't help but wonder if the lawyer would act this way if she were the one in Minji's position now.
It was funny to think that after years of not seeing each other, a piece of her heart still wanted Hanni. It was clear that Hanni never had a mutual feeling towards her. She was stupid to make Hanni moved in with her and persuaded her that she could change her mind. She should've known that Hanni was made not for her.
But she was only a human, and human always wondered, always wishing for something even if it were far out of their reach.
"Here you go." Kazuha pushed scolding drink to Hanni.
"Careful, it's hot."
"Thank you," Hanni muttered lowly.
Kazuha nodded slightly. "Look, I'm sorry for what happen to Minji. I hope she'd recover and-and able to be with you and the kids soon."
"How do you know?”
Kazuha bit her lower lip, "I just landed from Switzerland a few hours ago. I brought you some chocolates because I know how much you loved them," she whispered the last part. She then shook her head and chuckled nervously.
"I think the triplets will love it, they're really good. So I stopped by your office and your secretary informed me the news. I came straight here, I tried to call you but you didn't pick up your phone. I had not had breakfast so here I am at the cafeteria when I saw you spacing out."
Hanni's smile of appreciation didn't reach her eyes. Nevertheless, it was enough for Kazuha.
"If you need a friend," Kazuha squeezed Hanni's hand.
"I'm here. I will always be here."
Just in case Minji... Kazuha didn't dare to say it out loud. The last thing she wanted was to push Hanni away. But should Minji go, she'd be by Hanni's side and never let her go for the second time.
*********
"Are you happy? You do seem so." Ryujin folded her arms, looking at the sleeping Minji angrily.
"Come on, Minji. I know you're a jerk, alright? But I thought you've changed for the better. Show me, come on!"
Ryujin walked back and forth, biting her nail frustratingly.
"It's been days! Enough already! Wake the hell up!" She threw her hands in the air.
"You've rested enough. Open your eyes, dumbass!"
Outside the room, Yujin, Haerin, and Minjeong were watching Ryujin in silence. They could see what the general doctor did through the glass.
"Do you really want to die and get it over? Alright, you can die and leave whatever... here. You die, maybe it'll be good to you. You don't have to go through the long and painful recovery. You're just done."
Ryujin paused, waiting for any sign Minji hopefully made. "Goddamn it! Don't be a selfish asshole, Minji! There are people here who want you to make it. They need you to make it alive." She emphasized the last phrase.
"She's talking trash again, isn't she?" Minjeong asked to no one.
Yujin turned over to the nurse station, starting to write the progress on Minji's file. "Ryujin has always believed if she triggers Minji enough, she'll wake up just to beat her."
“And she's okay to have a bruise on her face?"
"I think she'll punch Minji back and make it even.”
"You should see Hanni, your kids, your family. They're falling apart and you are just sleeping here soundly, acting like nothing happened. Wake the hell up!" Ryujin approached Minji's side.
"I need you to wake up, Minji," Ryujin hissed desperately. Her breath was raging but nothing had changed. Minji didn't twitch a muscle.
The automatic door slid as Ryujin, face like a boiled shrimp, walked out from the room. "Let me know if she finally comes to her senses. I'm never coming here for that dumbass ever again."
The three friends watched Ryujin's back disappear at the corner.
"She'll be here again in an hour or two." Minjeong spoke absentmindedly while replying to a message on her phone.
"Like she always does."
*********
"Hey Baby." Hanni intertwined her fingers with Minji's under the blanket.
"How are you feeling?" No answer.
"Yujin removed the tube. I don't understand her explanation but it should be a good sign, right? You're strong enough to breathe, right, Baby?"
Minji was unwavering.
"C-can you hear me? Squeeze my hand, Baby, I'm right here." A tear dropped, descending Hanni's cheek freely.
"I can't take one more sleepless night without you, Baby, please... I- I miss you, Minji, please…”
With a pain of swollen eyes, Hanni walked out from Minji's bedroom. When she woke up, she didn't find Minji next to her. A sudden panic wave attacked her, but then she heard a loud sound from the kitchen. What happened last night was not just a bad dream, it was real. And she was still at the same apartment, she was not at Chaeyoung's or Irene's. Minji held her through the night. Minji didn't let her go. Minji begged her to stay.
Hanni could barely process it all. She found it hard to believe. Did Minji really-
"Good morning," Minji smiled softly behind the kitchen counter.
"I figured you'd want something to eat so I make what I cook best." She poured the milk into Hanni's bowl and set a box of cereal next to it.
"Let's have some breakfast."
Hanni ate quietly. She was aware of Minji's eyes on her but she couldn't know what to say. It became awkward for her. Did Minji pity her?
Or did Minji really mean what she said?
"Just so you know, I say this because I know you're still doubting me. Nini, look at me."
Hanni lifted up her head, eyes meeting with Minji's warm stare.
"I love you," Minji said earnestly.
"I will show you how amazing this feeling is. I-it's new for me, too. I mean, it's been so long but I trust you. Whether you realize it or not, you bring the dead faith out of me. You constantly prove that I'm worth it. Please, don't ever think you deserve less because you are beautiful and incredible and so out of this world."
She covered Hanni's hand carefully as if it were the most fragile thing in the world.
"I know it's hard for you to believe, so let me love you until you learn to love yourself."
Hanni did learn to love herself. Every time she was about to give up, Minji's firm hold pledged that the victory was within her reach. With Minji beside her, she could see the starlight vividly. She had a purpose. She was walking towards a promising future. As she stated her holy vow on the altar, Hanni believed she had defeated the weak, flawed herself.
But now, Hanni found herself back to square one, to a place where she was a coward, unworthy and extremely lonely. It was dark even on the brightest day. It was stormy in a peaceful breeze. It was hideous under the dazzling light.
"Please, Minji…”
*********
Hanni opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the light. Her right hand felt weird because the IV line was still there. Her newborns were asleep on their bed, just a few feet away from her. It was late afternoon, the sun was starting to set. Minji was all by herself, staring up at the sky outside through the transparent curtain. Hanni noticed the contentment, the soft, grateful look and the dried tears on Minji's face.
She fathomed Minji's concern, she also felt her fear. The past nine months of her pregnancy had constantly pushed Minji to the edge. Her wife had made a great attempt to hide her uneasiness. She always tried hard to appear relax and cool despite the tense she had to fight.
Hanni had always had this belief that Minji was not as cold hearted as she always put on show to the world. The solid and unbreakable mask she consistently wore was just a tool to cover her true gentle soul. In places no one would find, sometimes including Hanni, Minji would lower her wall and expose her vulnerable side.
Just like now.
Minji's lips trembled. Another tear fell. Hanni wondered what she was thinking. But then at that moment, Hanni saw it crystal clear; eternity was in Minji's eyes.
Minji wiped the tears off using her long sleeve. She stuffed her hands into her jeans pockets. Next, their eyes met. Minji startled like a deer caught in the headlight.
"Come here." Hanni spoke softly.
Unsurely, Minji drew nearer. She sat at the end of the bed as Hanni scooted closer.
"I want to make everything alright."
Minji closed her eyes, relenting under Hanni's touch on her neck. Slowly, Minji bent down aiming for Hanni's lips. Before she kissed them, she whispered, "Thank you for bringing the greatest gifts from above to me."
Pictures of perfect memories scattered around the floor . Hanni rested her chin on the knee as she touched the papers faintly. How pathetic, Hanni chuckled bitterly. Days ago, Minji still slept on their bed but now her pictures had to replace her absence instead.
The clock seemed to run way too slowly. She wanted to fast forward to the moment Minji woke up from her long nap. She had pushed the other possibility down to the core of earth. Minji had to make it. She will make it. Hanni had been selfish because she didn't know how else to cope up with the idea of losing Minji. She asked Minji's parents to look over the triplets while she dealt with her own despair and torment. She was afraid she'd break down in front of them again. They were so pure and precious, Hanni had no heart to bring them sorrow.
The bell rang.
Hanni didn't move from her spot. She had no desire to get up. Whoever visited at this hour was a mad person. Besides, she wanted to be alone, apart from the reality of the cruel world. Minji had the kindness to keep the evil away. Minji was her shield. Hanni felt naked without her around. So she had to wait, she'd wait till Minji was ready to protect her again.
She could hear Minji's laugh, taste her tears, see her clear brown eyes. She felt so close yet so far. She was here and yet she was not. Minji was in between, so was Hanni.
The bell rang again, persistently this time.
Having no other option, Hanni stood up lifelessly. She opened the main door as a familiar figure gasping for air came to her sight.
"Ryu?"
"Minji is asking for you.”