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T E N
Your eyes were heavy, half-lidded from the torrent of tears that left you struggling to catch your breath. Every inch of your body throbbed as though you had contracted the flu. Despite the passing days since your breakup with Levi, the pain hadn't eased, exacerbated by his relentless attempts to reach out to you.
"Your phone is ringing again," Sasha stated, her voice tinged with irritation. Levi had been calling you non-stop. "Why don't you just block him?"
You sipped the green tea that Sasha had made, staring into the cup as it slowly emptied. "I can't block him, not yet," you said, setting the cup on the side-table so you could pick at the skin around your nails. "If I block him, then it's admitting..."
Sasha furrowed her brows. "Yes, y/n, it's admitting it's over," she clarified, her tone firm. "Even if you decide to block him or not, he cheated on you."
You bit down on your lower lip, tasting blood. For days now, you had been cooped up in Sasha's dorm, skipping classes and calling in sick to work. Although Hange was understanding, giving you the time you needed to grieve the situation.
"Maybe he needs to explain himself. Doesn't he deserve that?" You replied, tears welling in your eyes. "I pushed him to this. If I wasn't such a mental wreck, maybe he wouldn't have..."
Sasha squeezed her hands together in anger. "That's enough, y/n. You need to look after yourself," she said, gripping your shoulders firmly. "You're going to class today, no objections."
Perhaps Sasha was right. You realized you were letting your hurt consume you. You were on the brink of failing your classes at this rate, and you desperately needed a shower, but you couldn't muster the energy to move.
With a reluctant nod, you rose from the couch and made your way to the bathroom for a shower. Sasha had a knack for pushing you to be your best self. Whether it was her infectious smile, her humor, or her determination, you couldn't help but admire and appreciate her. "Atta' girl" Sasha beamed with a cheesy-grin.
Inside the bathroom, a fluffy, obnoxiously pink towel awaited you, along with the outfit Sasha had chosen: black denim shorts, purple long-sleeve crop top, and black tights. You examined the ensemble in your hands. It wasn't your usual style, but it wasn't terrible either. Besides, anything was better than showing up in dirty clothes.
You adjusted the shower to your preference, the water cascading over your skin in a comforting rhythm. Showers always brought you peace, and today was no exception. Lathering up with the pineapple-scented body wash Sasha favored, you indulged in the familiar routine, the foam fizzling against your palms as you coated your body.
But this moment felt surreal, detached from reality. You wanted it to be a nightmare, a cruel illusion that would dissipate upon waking, revealing Levi's comforting presence with a grin across his face and kisses peppered across your cheeks. Yet, this was your new truth, a reality that didn't include him.
As the water continued its steady flow, you sank to the shower floor, pulling your legs to your chest, tears streaming down your cheeks. "Let me wake up," you whispered, your grip tightening on your thighs, seeking release from the anguish. "This can't be real," you repeated, your nails digging into your skin, the stinging sensation a harsh reminder of your pain.
You wanted a release, you wanted to plunge your shiny-best-friend into your skin; remembering how it felt when blood trickled down your legs from your self-made wound. Why did it have to be this way?
Why did Levi decide to break your heart?
"Everything okay in there?" A knock on the door jolted you from your self-pitying reverie. You mustered a tight-lipped smile and responded, "All good, just wrapping up."
It came as no surprise that Sasha was checking on you; she was well aware of your history of self-harm and understood the fragility of your mental health. Part of you felt guilty for causing her concern, knowing the potential for falling back into harmful patterns. Yet, another part of you felt grateful to have someone as caring and considerate as her.
Swiftly, you completed washing your body and hair, now imbued with the scent of bubblegum and assorted fruits—Sasha's unconventional choice in soap contrasting with your accustomed minty fragrances, courtesy of Levi's preferences.
Damn it, thoughts of him again. Almost feeling guilty for not smelling like mints. Then, unexpectedly, another memory surfaced.
Eren. He smelled like mints.
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You stepped into your first class of the day, English Literature, torn between two potential career paths: pursuing design through the art and design course or honing your skills in English literature to become a writer.
Why not kill two birds with one stone? After all, you always enjoyed both.
Your fingers smoothed over your hand absentmindedly, while your other hand twirled a pen between your fingers—an old nervous habit you couldn't shake. The weight of nerves sat heavy within you. Missing multiple classes made you feel like a failure, knowing you'd have plenty to catch up on afterward.
The lecturer, Kieth Shadis, perpetually seemed on the brink of exploding, his gaze often fixated on you, adding to your discomfort. Today, he was dissecting "A Midsummer Night's Dream" when a sudden touch on your shoulder startled you, causing you to jump forward as if you were jump scared.
Your head whipped around, frustration evident in your gaze. There was no room for distractions, especially considering your recent tardiness. "Gotta' pen?" the voice inquired, instantly melting your resolve.
Teal eyes met yours as you processed the unexpected presence of Eren in your class. Nonetheless, there he sat, sporting a short smile and hopeful eyes. "Kinda forgot all my stuff today in a rush. Sorry," he admitted sheepishly.
"Ah, a pen," you echoed, rifling through your pencil case, which now housed more broken pencils than usable ones. At the beginning of the semester, it overflowed with new pens and pencils, but they had gradually dwindled due to breakage or loss.
Eventually, you located a black ink pen and handed it to him with a small smile. "Don't lose it, I'm running low."
As Eren took the pen from your fingertips, his touch lingered longer than usual, leaving a lump in your throat. You couldn't decipher why Eren had such an effect on you, but he did, and it seemed like he was aware of it too.
"Can I have it?" he asked sheepishly, his hand still lingering on yours. Unconsciously, you had gripped the pen tightly. "I'm sorry" you muttered with embarrassment, quickly releasing your hold, allowing Eren to take it.
A small part of you wondered if Eren had intentionally chosen to sit behind you. Previously, the seat was occupied by a friend, Reiner, who showed no signs of vacating it. Yet here Eren was, in his seat whilst Reiner sat at the very back with a girl, Historia next to him.
"I'll make sure to protect this pen with my life" he joked with a cheeky grin plastered across his cheeks. "After-all you were rather protective over it"
Great, Eren was teasing you. It struck you how well he seemed to understand your thought process, especially considering your limited interactions. It was almost as if he had conducted extensive research into your life, although you hadn't shared much online. The idea sent a shiver down your spine—a combination of his bad boy aura, his quick wit, and his seemingly intimate knowledge of you.
The rest of the lesson dragged slowly, Eren was a massive distraction. You kept snapping looks from behind you as he 'accidentally' dropped the pen and had to gain your attention so you could return it from under your desk. Or the obnoxious coughing he did which you'd either blame his heavy-smoking, a cold that had magically appeared within the last half hour, or a need to wind you up.
Either way, he was annoying you.
"Did you end up throwing away my number?" Eren suddenly whispered, making sure 'Mr. Shaft-face' wasn't paying attention.
You turned gingerly to face him, now sporting a death glare. "So what if I did?" you retorted firmly. "I'm trying to learn"
Eren smirked in his usual annoying yet heart-pounding way, leaving you feeling like putty in his hands. You scolded yourself for being so easily swayed. "Yeah, well, I'm trying to figure out why you didn't want to text me," Eren quipped, adding a mock-pout. "You got me all hurt."
"I didn't text you because you're annoying," you snapped back, ensuring your words remained low in volume. "Why would I waste my time?"
"Ouch," Eren lightly laughed. "Is this because of your little boyfriend?" He emphasized the word 'little,' causing you to tighten your jaw.
"Yeah, now if you could shut up so I can learn, that would be great," you retorted, feeling your anger reaching its boiling point, like a kettle ready to be poured.
"I don't want to shut up," Eren replied nonchalantly. "Why's it so bad that I want to speak to you, huh? You weren't so against me flirting with you."
Mr. Shaft-face's expression twisted as his 'speaking alarm' went off. He had a sixth sense for troublemakers in his class, and both you and Eren knew your necks were about to be twisted. Right on cue, his head turned towards your direction, fury etched across his face. You could almost visualize steam pouring from his ears.
"Eren Jaeger and y/n l/n," Mr. Shadis began, approaching your desk and slamming his hands down on it. "What's so important that you'd talk in my lesson? If you two want to pursue a career, I suggest you both stop flirting and start working!"
A deep, scarlet shaded blush washed over your cheeks. Flirting? This wasn't flirting in the slightest. All you wanted to do was ignore Eren but he made it incredibly impossible.
"Y/n, you've been off for almost a week, yet you think you're above everyone else to talk in my class. Put that attention you have for Eren into your work, otherwise I'll fail you!"
As Mr. Shadis returned to the front of the class, you shot Eren one final glare. "This is all your fault. I hope the pen breaks, you jerk," you muttered under your breath.
Eren simply rolled his eyes "Your loss, it's your pen, idiot", taking the end of your pen between his teeth and biting down on it defiantly, as if to say, "Screw you."
Fortunately, the rest of the class proceeded without Eren's annoying interruptions, allowing you to jot down some important notes and actually learn something. When the bell rang, you hastily gathered your belongings, eager to escape before Eren had a chance to provoke you further or make another snarky comment.
"Leaving without your precious pen?" Eren taunted, seizing your wrist before you could make your exit. Irritated, you swatted his hand away, growing increasingly frustrated with his habit of touching you without permission. "Keep it. I don't want your saliva all over it."
Eren scoffed. "It'll dry. Just take it," he insisted, opening your hand and placing the pen in your palm that now adorned small bite marks. "Besides, I noticed you like staring at me whilst I bite on my hoodie strings. Thought you might want something to remember me by."
Blushing, you watched as Eren left the classroom, How had he even noticed? You hadn't thought you were staring at him for that long. Regardless, it was evident that Eren paid attention to you as much as you paid attention to him.
Suddenly, Mr. Shadis's booming voice interrupted your thoughts, snapping you back to reality. "What's keeping you, y/n? Get a move on unless you want extra assignments," he barked, noticing your hesitation. "You don't make any sense!! First you don't want to learn and now you don't want to leave my class!"
With a nervous nod, you quickly unfroze and made your way out of the classroom, feeling like you were fleeing for your life. But just as you thought things couldn't get any worse, your phone lit up, displaying a familiar name: Levi.
You decided to open the message, curious about what he had to say for himself. Probably another pathetic excuse lined up. Despite missing him terribly, seeing his name as Levi instead of 'baby' still caused a pang of longing in your chest.
Listen, y/n, I didn't cheat on you.
Can you just text me back or something?
Maybe we could meet for coffee later.
You ground your teeth in frustration. Even now, he continued to deny his infidelity, despite you overhearing him on the phone. "Fool," you muttered under your breath, switching off your phone and tucking it into your pocket.
"Talking about me?" Eren's voice interrupted as he leaned against the wall in front of you. He looked stunning, with his usual messy man-bun and strands of hair falling across his forehead and neck.
"If the shoe fits," you replied tersely, striding down the crowded corridor filled with students.
"You really don't like me, huh?" He sighed, trailing after you like a lost puppy. "Maybe I should apologize for coming on too strong before. Let me try again."
"Coming on strong? That's an understatement," you snorted, increasing your pace to escape him, but Eren matched your speed. "Listen, I'm not in the mood."
"Wanna talk about it?" he offered, finally gaining the upper hand as he jogged ahead and blocked your path. "C'mon I'm not all that bad, you know."
"Sure thing..." you replied sarcastically "and I once walked on the moon"
"Hey, you don't even know me" Eren protested, still blocking your way with his arms crossed against his chest, hoodie string between his teeth. Just how your pen was earlier.
"Yeah, and you didn't know Levi but decided to form a quick opinion of him, didn't you?" You attempted to walk away, but every direction you tried, Eren somehow managed to stop you.
"That's totally different. He sounded like a tool—"
"—as do you," you seethed back. "Listen, I don't
mind being friendly with you, but right now I'm not interested in talking with you. I've had a rough few days."
"Just talk to me. I don't mind hearing you out with whatever issues you're having," Eren's face softened, as if genuinely concerned about your well-being, but it only irritated you more.
"No, I'm good," you said firmly.
Your phone began to ring. In any normal situation, you'd think 'saved by the bell,' but you knew it would be Levi, so both situations were awful.
"You gonna answer that?" Eren asked, his eyes flickering from yours to your vibrating phone.
"Don't feel like it," you shrugged, preparing to slide the device back into your pocket but before you could Eren lunged forward and grabbed it.
Eren's emerald eyes locked onto your phone, a smug look etched on his face. "It's your little boyfriend, why not?"
"Give that back to me!" you demanded, your hands thrashing about to retrieve it. Eren held it high, out of your reach, completely unbothered by your physical pleading.
"I think I'll answer him, see what seems to be the issue. Only fair, right? He might be worried," Eren teased as his finger slid across your mobile to answer it.
Your cheeks heated, your heartbeat pounding in your throat. Right about now, you wanted to crawl up into a ball and disappear. Levi wasn't going to take kindly to being answered by another guy just a few days after the breakup.
"Yo, this Levi?" Eren answered, his grin never leaving. God, you were beginning to hate that look on his face.
"Oh, y/n?" Eren's eyes mischievously flickered to yours, making you gulp. "Yeah, she's all good. Hanging out with me at the moment."
"Eren," you said through gritted teeth, "give me back my—"
"Yeah, nothing too serious right now, but I'm hopeful," Eren continued on the phone, making every fiber in your body freeze. He was making it seem like you and him were in the process of a relationship.
"How about you come meet us, say in an hour?"
You squeezed your eyes shut, fully preparing yourself to hit Eren as soon as the call ended. Now he was making plans with your ex-boyfriend.
"Cool, how about where y/n works?"
"Eren!" You shrieked, tipping on your toes in a futile attempt to reach your phone, but it was no use. Eren was too tall—something you weren't used to. Even though Levi was taller than you he couldn't match Eren's height.
"Awesome, see ya there," Eren ended the call and finally passed your mobile back to you, your face a picture of anger.
"No need to get so angry," Eren mused, entwining his hands behind his neck. "I'm only trying to help with whatever issues you're apparently having. I think it's best you tell me everything now before I meet this shortcake."
"There's nothing to tell," you spat, biting the inside of your cheek to suppress your growing anger. "Why do you have to get involved? You don't even know me."
Eren walked closer to you, closing the distance between you both. You began to smell his familiar scented cologne; mints. "I don't know you, but I want to know you."
You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. "But in the process, you're making my life hell. Why's that? Doesn't seem too friendly if you ask me."
Eren, as careless as ever, shrugged. "I don't think me looking out for you is not being friendly."
You and Eren proceeded to walk down the corridor until you were met with the crisp air fanning your cheeks. Now outside, you saw Eren waste no time pulling out a packet of cigarettes. Your mouth watered at the sight; you hadn't smoked for a few days.
"Want one?" he asked casually, lighting up his smoke-stick and holding the pack out to you. "I've got plenty, so it's alright."
You thought for a moment, unsure whether to take one. It felt like if you took a cigarette from Eren, he might believe you were friends, which you definitely weren't. "...fine," you muttered, pinching a cigarette and putting it between your lips.
Eren then passed you a purple lighter; you now noticed his chipped black nail polish. You found it cute. Happily, you took the lighter from him and began to thumb the spark wheel in an attempt to light it.
To your dismay, the flame kept being blown out by the wind. "Need help?" Eren asked, amused, to which you rolled your eyes. Come on, you knew how to light a cigarette. You lit them all the time.
"No" you replied flatly, still attempting to light your smoke-stick. Your thumb beginning to get sore from the friction against the spark wheel. "Fucking thing" you muttered to which Eren shot an amused look your way.
Suddenly, Eren pulled you close, his arms wrapping around your waist, pressing you against him. Your breath caught in your throat at the unexpected closeness. He gently covered your hands with his, his expression tinged with impatience. "Light it now," he instructed, his tone edged with annoyance at your hesitation.
"O-okay," you stammered, nerves causing your fingers to tremble slightly as you flicked the spark wheel. With a small spark, the flame danced to life, allowing you to easily ignite your cigarette.
As Eren released his hold, you exhaled, relieved to have some space again. "See? Not so hard, was it?" he remarked casually, taking a drag from his own cigarette. The smoke swirled around him in the breeze, mingling with the stray strands of hair framing his face.
"Shut up," you snapped, your jaw clenched tightly.
Eren stepped closer, as if deliberately trying to provoke you, his voice near your ear. "What are you going to do if I don't shut up?"
You pushed him away. "If you haven't caused enough trouble already, now I have to meet my ex with you later. How awkward."
"I'm doing you a favor," he shrugged. "Clearly, you have some things to sort out."
You snorted. "What, are you Jeremy Kyle now?"
Eren arched an eyebrow. "Jeremy who—"
"Forget it," you scoffed, dismissing him.
You both perched on a brick wall outside the college, watching the smoke ascend into the sky, the cold air biting at your skin. It was a beautiful day, until Eren decided to speak again. How could someone so attractive be so annoying?
"Are you going to tell me?" he finally asked, after hesitating for a moment. You locked eyes with him, your expression narrowing. "No, I don't need to tell you anything. It's between me and Levi, so stay out of it—"
"It's also my business when he's got you so upset," he interjected gently, taking a deep inhale of his smoke. "Not that I know you, but even at the restaurant, you looked so... sad."
Your facade faltered, realizing he noticed your moods so well. "I, uh, it wasn't anything to do with Levi," you lied. "The food was terrible. I was excited about it, too."
"Yeah, well, I know that's a lie. The food is amazing," Eren snorted matter-of-factly. "Just admit it's Levi making you sad, tell me what he did, and I'll beat his ass—"
"No, you're not beating anyone up," you shot back, glaring before returning your attention to the dwindling cigarette between your fingers, disappointed that your stress reliever was about to end. "Truthfully... Levi cheated on me. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
Eren's teal green eyes widened. "He... what?" His reaction reminded you of Sasha's, almost making a small smile creep to your lips, but you resisted.
"Yup, are you pleased now that you got the information you needed?" Your nails instinctively dug into your palms, the coldness adding to the pinching sensation.
Eren placed his hand on top of your thigh, making you shudder against his touch. "Well, are you sure I can't beat him up? He deserves it."
"Honestly, Eren, no. I still care for him, so you can't go around beating guys up for me," you smirked. "But maybe one day I'll let you."
"I'll hold you to that," Eren smirked back, dragging circles along your thigh. Part of you wanted to push him away, but the other half wanted him to keep his touch on you. It comforted you, helping to break down all the hurt swirling in your brain.
Eventually, the time was nearing when you had to meet Levi. You stared at your phone, showing twenty to four. You were meant to meet him in twenty minutes. "Duty calls, asshole," you said to Eren, who removed his hand, finally, though you missed it instantly. "Got a sweet date with my ex-boyfriend."
"Uh, it's not a date when I'm coming with you," Eren added shortly. "I'll pretend to be your boyfriend to wind him up, how about it?"
The idea wasn't terrible, but you were unsure if you wanted to deal with the consequences afterward. Levi and Eren could end up fighting, and as much as Levi was short, he was super strong, and you didn't want Eren to get hurt from your relationship issues.
"Thanks for the offer, but let's not piss him off more," you sighed, throwing your cigarette to the floor and stomping it out with your boot heel. "Just be on your best behavior, okay?"
Eren pursed his lips in thought. "I'll think about it. Can't make any promises."
As you both stood up to head to your meeting with Levi, a knot of anticipation and anxiety twisted in your stomach. The looming confrontation with your ex was inevitable, and having Eren by your side made it even worse.
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