♥
"I don't think this is something that I can just summon." I tell Milo as we stand in the clearing.
Milo has been eager to see my beast formation. It's not something I have fully grasped yet but I want to attempt to keep under control–in case something awful happens that triggers me again.
He drags one hand through his hair and then leans onto the truck of a tree so effortlessly. I'd much rather be doing other things. Ever since we mated my desire for him has been off the scales. Neither of us can barely keep it in our pants long enough to focus on other important things.
Considering I'm the Alpha now, I need to be focused. But I haven't been.
Imogen understands even though she doesn't have a mate. Elin and Zade have pitched in on how marking and mating can change everything. So adjusting to becoming Alpha and learning to deal with these emotions is something that I'm going to have to juggle–it just might take some time at first.
"What summoned it before?" Milo asks after a few moments.
I shrug. "I don't know. I was angry. Like super fucking angry."
"Well..." he trails off. "What if I said something to try and make you angry?"
My head slants to the side. "But I don't want to let the beast out when I'm angry. This is what I'm fearful of, what I can't control."
Milo's eyes bore into mine for a few moments before he pushes off the tree and walks towards me. He extends his arm and places it delicately on my cheek, blue eyes softening with understanding and courage. "Nate," he starts with a gentle whisper. "You'd never hurt me. Beast mode or not. It's still you in there, even if it feels like a second skin. You might have lost control before but that was because of legitimate reasons."
I flourish when he strokes his thumb against my cheek. My skin heats up and I close my eyes for a brief moment. "Right now it's just us. Let me see, Nate. Let me in."
"Okay," I rasp and inhale the biggest breath I've ever taken. "But you might have to say things to get him moving. Being all cute and lovey-dovey doesn't budge a single thing in there."
He pouts at me. "And I was here thinking I could coax him out with my lovely words."
"He's a death machine, Milo. Not a cuddly bear." I state the truth.
The corner of his mouth tweaks. "Fair enough."
I urge Milo to stand back, he moves to where he stood a few moments ago by the tree. I watch him carefully as he leans back again, crossing his arms over his chest. "Okay, remember how angry you were when you found out that Henry had done something to me."
Instant spark inside my chest. My nostrils flare and my wolf runs around in circles inside me. It's a memory I've wanted erased from my mind since it happened but all I can think is that Milo is here with me now. He's safe. I take a breath and I press into the resistance.
"More," I demand.
"Remember how you felt when I told you to leave. Remember how you felt when you went back to Henry to finish off the job because he hurt me..." he trails off and those words set my entire body on fire. "He hurt your mate."
I grit my teeth so tightly that my skull begins to ache. My breathing becomes heavier, harsher. I feel my chest physically heave like I've run a thousand miles. The tips of my fingers tingle when I think about slashing Henry until there was nothing left of him. Guts and blood fucking everywhere.
"He tried to take you from me," Milo carries on. "Tried to make me his own."
A growl rips from the back of my throat and I open my eyes to face him. "Woah," he whispers as he stares directly at me. I don't know what exactly he's commenting on but something certainly feels different, my eyesight becoming sharper and clearer by the second.
"Keep going," I grunt, my voice so deep that I barely recognise it. "More. Make it brutal."
Milo pauses for a moment but he swallows and I can hear it from here. I can practically see the saliva move past his skin. My wolf is on the verge of bursting through the seams but I need that push to find my second formation.
"Henry f-fucked me a year ago." He states quietly. "We fucked each other."
That's when I see red. My entire head feels like it's about to melt off and before I know it, jealousy has ridden through my body and my bones start snapping on their own accord. But I don't shift to my wolf–I'm moving past that.
My knees snap one way then the other, my height advancing on Milo as I continue to grow and develop over the next few seconds. I can smell everything within a ten mile radius, including the sudden fear that erupts over Milo's body.
I stretch my neck up to the sky, continuing to grow beneath this new skin that doesn't feel like my own. My snout raises in the air and I release a long growl that I've been holding in for what feels like an eternity.
I will never get used to shifting into this formation. It hurts. It feels uncomfortable.
"Holy shit," Milo's voice wobbles as he presses himself into the tree.
When I look at him all I can think of is him being with Henry. Fucking each other. My jaw snaps open and I howl so loudly that my own eardrums almost break. Milo rushes to cover his hands over the shell of his ears, cowering away from the sound.
"I'm sorry," he pants. "You said brutal. I-I didn't mean to hurt you. He was nothing, he always meant nothing to me."
My eyes narrow but I know Milo and our bond to be reassured that what he says is true. Not that I need him to clarify. It's fine. I say through our mindlink. I take a few deep breaths because it's my beast that's angry, not myself. We're like two different minds in one. Just give me a moment.
Milo nods and keeps himself by the tree. His eyes roam my entire body, taking every little detail of my beast's body. I already know it's not attractive, especially on hind legs. It's probably intimidating.
"Jesus," he hisses between his teeth. "You look–"
Terrifying? I finish for him.
He gulps again. "Yeah. Something like that."
I take a step forward only for Milo to flinch but he stops himself before he can commit to it. I feel under control, better than I did a few minutes ago. I have no idea what's different this time but it's like I can take away my emotions from my beasts.
I won't hurt you, Milo. You know that.
He nods and straightens his spine. "Sorry," he rasps. "I-I've just never seen anything like it in my life. Lycan's are practically a myth and now my boyfriend is one? Sorry if I'm a bit shocked."
I raise my hands to my sight and look at the deathly claws that poke out the edge of my fingers. They're dark, sharp and strong. My arm is hairy beyond belief but shorter than my wolf's fur. It feels different today. I admit.
"How so?"
It's like I can actually breathe for once. I say still analysing my hand, then my arm. Before all I saw was red. Literally. Now it's like I can control this body, before I struggled.
"Because you were actually angry for a reason," Milo takes a small step closer to me. "I made you angry and you allowed yourself to calm down before giving yourself over to this second formation. You're in control, you're always in control. It's your body, Nate."
I take in his words. It makes sense. You're right. I nod.
My eyes watch him carefully and seeing him like this is like viewing in high definition. The blueness of his eyes is so warm and welcoming it makes me melt. I move forward but he doesn't back away again, the smell of fear slowly subsiding.
Come closer.
Milo blinks at me. "Yeah?"
Please. I don't want you to be afraid of me if this is what I'm going to be for the rest of my life.
"I'm not afraid of you." He says again and this time takes a bigger step closer to me until he's directly in front of me. Close enough that I can touch him but we keep apart. He cranks his neck up to my face, I stand at least four feet taller than him. "It's just going to take a while to get used to.
Of course. I say gently. It's probably a very ugly look.
Not that I've looked at myself in the mirror but from the state of my hands–or claws–it's obvious that I'm not exactly a looker in this form.
Milo snorts and inspects me again, wrapping his arms around himself. "I mean the natural you is much more pretty to look at but it's still you, so you're still beautiful to me." He exhales and my heart thumps out of my chest.
Why do you have to be cute like that? I say heavily.
Then all of a sudden my body begins to crack, my skin bubbling as I shift back down to my human form. It takes a few moments but it feels good to be back in the body I'm familiar with. I also realise that I'm stark naked as my clothes are shredded on the floor.
Milo's eyes float down to my crotch. "You're hard,"
I glance down too, then I laugh. "Oh, yeah I am."
♥
Later that week we head to a small village in the north where my father suggested for me to visit. It's where the elders spend their later years, in the comfort and safety of other packs who protect them and their home.
I have no idea if they can give me the information I want but they're my best shot.
If I carry a bloodline that possesses a second formation, then I have to know more about it.
Why me?
Why a beast?
What does that say about who I am?
Milo is at my side. I want him here and he wants to support me, no matter what we hear today. I know that he's not going anywhere–nothing can scare him off. Not yet anyway.
He holds onto my hand, running his thumb across my knuckles in soothing motions to remind me that he's here. But I could never forget when he's standing right by my side, even if I'm riddled with anxiety over what I might find out today.
At the gates of the village we are ordered through their security, checked over until we're welcomed into their little home. We wait in a cottage, I sit on a bench and Milo walks around inspecting things on the walls.
"Can you sit down?" I ask, my knee bouncing with anticipation.
He glances at me with those blue eyes. "Sorry, am I making you nervous?"
"Very," I admit.
Milo nods once and perches down beside me, taking my hand again and he raises it up to his lips and presses a kiss on the back of my palm. "Breathe, gorgeous," he says. "Whatever they say, it'll be fine. You've lived this long being okay, nothing is going to change."
I sigh and look up at the ceiling. "I hope so."
The door to the cottage opens and we both stand up. I dust down my shirt and jumper, as if to make myself seem more presentable. An elderly man steps inside with a cane attached to one hand and a hunchback that looks incredibly painful.
"Hi," I say when he shuts the door behind him and turns to look at us. "It's good to meet you, Victor. I'm Nathaniel and this is my mate, Milo."
I glance at Milo as he waves. "Hello. It's nice to meet you."
"Nathaniel," Victor repeats and I nod. "I've been eagerly awaiting your visit." Then he smiles, amplifying the deep wrinkles that cover his face. "Come and take a seat."
Milo shares a look with me before we sit down on the sofas covered in crocheted blankets and beaten up cushions that look like they've seen better days, but it adds to the aesthetic of this village.
"Thank you," I say as I watch Victor take a seat directly in front of us. "We came today because I wish to find out more about my bloodline, specifically the fact that I have a second formation. One of a beast."
He hums and rests his cane on the edge of the chair. "Yes, Ryder family. Descendants of Tully's and Edward's."
"Long ago," I agree. "We've been Ryder's for a long time."
"And your bloodline is special." He says, his voice weak.
I shuffle forward in the seat. "My father said that there has been conspiracies that there might be a mutation growing inside our bloodline, a wolf that is superior to everyone else in the family. He said that it's been over a hundred years since the last sighting of this mutation."
Victor raises his hand to cough into his elbow, then he smiles. "A mutation is correct but not in the way you might think."
My head twists slowly. "What do you mean?"
"The reason why you have this second formation, Nathaniel, is because the Moon Goddess wanted you to have it. It might be considered a mutation but not by mistake but by choice. She altered the genes in your body because there are ties with your family to the Moon Goddess. She blesses a person in your bloodline every one hundred years which gives them an advantage."
I blink once, my head spinning. "She–" I cut myself off. "Why?"
Victor clears his throat. "The details are unknown but it's probably best to assume that whatever they did, it was something that gave the Moon Goddess a reason to give favours for the rest of her existence."
"But why me? It could have been my sister, anyone else but me."
His lips stretch into a smile. "You're right, it could have been anyone. But she wanted it to be you. She can see the future, you know? She knows who will benefit from it, who can adopt this formation and still remain humble. She wanted you to have it because she knew that you would treat it with respect, that you'd ask the right questions. Like you are now."
For a moment I glance at the wall, all this information making my brain pulsate. "And the beast? Is that meant to represent me in any way?"
"In any way you want it to." He says slowly, his voice roughing at the edges. "It doesn't have to make sense to you right now but it will in the future."
"I've been trying to get it under control but I worry something will happen," my throat tenses. "I have this feeling that I'm not in total control of it, like it has another consciousness that I don't have any way over."
Victor shakes his head. "That's because you've tamed one wolf your entire life, doing it to another being is going to be confusing. But you are in control, you will always be in control because you are what makes the beast. The Moon Goddess didn't choose which formation you'd have, the formation chose you."
My brows crease at his words. Shit. A beast chose me. I don't say anything for a few moments. "Sorry," I splutter.
"Don't apologise," he says sincerely. "I understand this is a lot to take in but you'll get there, Nathaniel. Trust yourself, trust your body, trust the Moon Goddess. She has only wanted what's best for you and she gave you a little boost. It'll come in handy one day."
I lick my lips that are becoming dry. "And if I have any further questions, can I come back to ask?"
Victor offers me a smile, then he nods. "Of course, but I'm certain you'll figure everything out in good time. Especially with the support of your mate. I have every faith in you, the Moon Goddess did in the first place. Don't question her choices, you don't want to make her regret it."
My breathing becomes shallow as I nod. "Thank you," I say sincerely. "You've definitely made a lot of things clearer for me."
"I'm pleased," he smiles brightly. "Would you like a tour of the village? You could do with some fresh air."
I say nothing but Milo's hand slides over my knee. "That would be wonderful, Victor," he says on my behalf. "Thank you."
He pulls me up and hooks his arm around mine as Victor shows us outside and I take down as much air as possible into my lungs. It wasn't the answer I was expecting but it could definitely be a lot worse.
♥
The journey home is silent and I'm glad Milo offers to drive. I'm still processing everything. I also have a hundred new questions I didn't think of whilst I was there but Victor emphasised how we're always welcome back.
I've just gotta have more time with my second formation first so I can try to understand it better. As we pull up outside of the pack house, I stand for a moment, staring up at the building.
"Everything okay?" Milo asks as he approaches my side.
"Yeah," I nod. "Just feeling a little overwhelmed."
He places an arm over my shoulder and tugs me to his side. "It doesn't have to make sense in your mind right now, like Victor said. It'll come to you in time and I have every faith in you. Look how much your pack loves you already, you were a born leader. Your beast is an addition that is only going to benefit you in the future. Don't see it as something bad, think of it as something good. Even if you don't know what to do with it right now."
I nod through his words because he's right. "Thank you," I say. "I needed to hear this."
Milo's head twists and he kisses me on the shoulder. "I love you with my entire heart," he says gently. "But one of the things I love the most is how humble you are. You don't hide away from your struggles or doubts, you face them. Most Alpha's only want people to see them as tough and cold but I admire you so much for being exactly who you are to your pack."
"Our pack," I clarify. "I've always known that if I was going to be Alpha then nothing will be sugar coated with me. What you see is what you get, no acting tougher than I really am. I want the pack to relate to me, to understand me. Not feel like they can never approach me."
"They already relate to you," he says with a soft smile. "You're the best role model any of us could have. We're blessed to have you."
I turn towards him and take his face in my hands, pecking his lips softly. My eyes flick between his, taking in every emotion that lays there–simmering with happiness and contentment.
"You know you're going to be the Luna soon," I state.
His eyes widen. "The Luna?"
I chuckle gently. "We don't have to call it that but I want you by my side, every step of the way. As long as you want that too?"
Milo glances down at my lips, smiles and then pecks the corner of my mouth. "I am at home with you," he whispers sincerely. "I don't want to be anywhere else. You are my home, Nate. I've been waiting for you my entire life."
My finger squeeze around his face and I kiss him with every fibre of passion inside my body, he hums against me and we both smile. "And now my life is complete that you're here."
♥ ♥ ♥
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Author's Note
Ahhhh what did you guys think about the explanation of Nate's beast form? I love the idea of someone helping the Moon Goddess years ago and now she blesses their family🥹🫶
A beast might be seen as scary but it's a new path for Nate and his life coming together as Alpha and mates with Milo, it is needed for his own growth!
What did you guys think of this chapter? Don't forget to comment!👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼
There are two epilogues left and this story will be over.😭
I'm about to sob!
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