𝕮𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡
━━ 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝘿-𝙃𝙊𝙈𝙀
━━ 𝘊𝘙𝘠𝘓𝘓𝘌𝘚
𝟸𝟹 𝙱𝙱𝚈
𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗙𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗪𝗜𝗡𝗚 days, Sol City becomes a familiar place to Selyn again. Her feet follow the same paths through the dusty streets, again and again, she crosses the same marketplace where she used to linger as a child, conquers her home again, grabs hungrily what was taken from her: the colourful spices, the twisted alleys, the temples gleaming in the sunlight and the cooling shade of the palm trees.
Selyn takes all these impressions and locks them away in her heart, keen to take at least a part of her home back to Coruscant.
Either Anakin or Cleodys are by her side, the former starting rather shy attempts at conversation from time to time, the latter more silent. The three of them have decided to join their efforts in finding the Clan responsible for the attack, Anakin and Selyn can profit off Cleodys' more detailed knowledge of the city and so her sister doesn't have to bear the frustration of doing nothing.
Selyn thinks about what Cleodys had said a few days ago, those sharp, anger-tinted words, the pain in them prominent like angry stains on a white fabric and cutting through her heart like glass. Her sister's hands twisting and fiddling, the red shade of embarrassment and rage flushing her cheeks, tears of desperation lit by the sunset.
Selyn has to think about these words first, to carefully take those broken parts and put them together to form an image of her sister she can understand, one that she can sympathize with. And so she turns her sister's feelings and her own frustration and anger in her head, until the right response comes to her.
They are walking through the city on their shift as she brings it up again.
"Cleodys," she says, forcing confidence into her tone. "I've been thinking about what you said that day."
She can see her sister tense, like an animal caught in a bright light, ready to run. A wary look creeps into her eyes, but her voice remains calm as she answered. "You must think me pathetic and weak."
"No, of course not," Selyn answers quickly. "I know you don't want my pity, so let me just say that I think you would have deserved being a Jedi more than me."
Cleodys throws her a surprised glance.
"You've always been so eager to travel to the stars, always so curious about what mysteries they held. I would have been content to stay home, with Ma and Pa and grow up here on Crylles, in safety. It's actually quite ironic, I feel as if our roles are reversed: you would have made the perfect Jedi, so confident, so strong and independent. You've always had that hunger in you that could only be stilled by an extraordinary life."
"Maybe having you as a sister is what will make my life extraordinary," Cleodys says. It's a peace offer and Selyn smiles at the kind words. "But you seem to fill your role perfectly," her sister continues. "You seem so experienced and confident in what you're doing."
"I try my best to appear that way. And I strive to learn as much as possible, to be as good as possible and to seize this chance that was given me. But I've wished countless times to just be able to go home, to a family that protects you and makes you feel safe. This life you dreamt of, it was hard, it still is, it is lonely and it holds a lot of pressure. You cannot imagine how much I wished for having a family."
"You've got that family now," Cleodys says hesitantly, almost shy.
"I know. Thank you." Selyn touches her hand briefly.
For a moment they are quiet, but Selyn can feel Cleodys struggling for words. "Thank you for being so patient with me, Selyn. These things...feelings...this doesn't come natural to me. Not at all. I can't open up that easily, just expose my most hidden, ugly thoughts to the world. I'm not good at that, and I don't like how it makes me feel vulnerable. But I want to talk about this with you, to get this jealousy and envy out of the way, so that we can be sisters like we used to again. I did not enjoy this, to have such negative feelings towards my own blood. Because, god, Selyn, I missed you so much."
"Me too." Selyn grins at her, relieved that this easy atmosphere from their childhood days is partly restored. "You know, Nadia always says, jealousy is the deadliest and most subtle poison to happiness. Because it can sneak in anywhere without being noticed."
"She's very wise," Cleodys says quietly. "For the record, I still envy you for all your amazing journeys through the galaxy. But I'm not...bitter anymore. Jealousy is for the ones who are too weak to pursue their own dreams. But I'm not weak like that anymore. I know I can venture where you went, too."
"You never struck me as weak, Cleodys. I always considered you to be the strongest of us all."
"I appreciate the compliment, but you're underestimating yourself," her sister warns.
Selyn doesn't press the matter further. "You want me to tell you about the most interesting planets we've been to?"
There it is again, that childlike curiosity and wonder Selyn has seen in Cleodys so often. "Please do."
And so their following shifts are spend together in appreciation of each other's presence, either sitting on the roof opposite to the warehouse, cross-legged and drawing shapes in the dusty stone, or wandering Sol City's streets, the long hours of waiting for something to happen are filled with fantastical stories and merriness again.
How strange it is, that they had to learn how to be sisters again. But even stranger that they were able to unlearn these familiar bonds that should come naturally to them.
Looking back now, Selyn realizes that she was never able to grasp the full extent of destruction the Jedi had brought upon her family with taking her away.
Sometimes, when she's talking about her and Nadia's journeys, Selyn can see this shadow cross Cleodys face, a mixture of longing and sadness. But there's no bitterness in it anymore, and whenever Cleodys then notices that Selyn hesitates to continue talking, she encourages her to do so even more.
𝗦𝗨𝗡 𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗦 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗬𝗡'𝗦 face, its rays warming her cheeks and the exposed skin of her neck and arms that rest on her crossed legs.
The bustling sounds of Sol City have faded into a distant hum, merely a gentle reminder that they are surrounded by vibrant life. She is high above it all, on the citadel's balcony that is empty and deserted in the late afternoon.
Occasionally the cooling shadow of palm trees lining the terrace washes over her face as they sway in the light breeze, the bright, sunlight-coloured vision behind her closed eyes darkens then. The day's heat, absorbed by the sandy stones beneath her, seeps through her robes. Her fingers twitch from time to time when the wind carries loose hair strands towards her face, tickling the sensitive skin.
Nadia is next to her, already lost in meditation. Even though Selyn's eyes are closed she can feel her master's presence surrounding her, like bright waves in a sunlit pool flowing over her from time to time, coolly and calmly like whispers in the deepest currents of the ocean.
Guided by Nadia's serene energy, Selyn can feel her breath slow as she enters the solitude and the safety of her own mind. She reaches out for the force around her and it greets her like an old friend, warmth spreading in her chest and tiny flames licking at her fingers.
Like when turning down the volume of a radio, the signals of her environment quieten and finally fade out. Until she is by the sea again, hair rustled by a brisk and fresh breeze, saltwater spraying her skin, the rumble of the waves deep beneath her reassuring and soothing. The sky is vast and endless, a greyish kind of blue, and so clear, that if she stares at it long enough, she can watch her own thoughts form, and gaze at the fragmented ideas and feelings usually swarming restlessly around her mind falling into place.
Mind-home, she has called this place within her. She knows the name seems rather childish, but she hasn't found a better one to describe it yet. Because this place she goes to during meditation, it truly feels like a home – she is safe there, and at peace, and she can go there any time she wants, no matter where she is. These cliffs, the rolling waves, the clean salt air and the grass rippling in the wind go wherever she goes.
Selyn used to scowl at her master's fondness for meditation and grew bored during hours spent in silence, but now she sees it's worth.
When she opens her eyes again, the sky is a dark shade of purple, pink and grey clouds scattered across it with the first stars blooming in the rising darkness. The breeze from earlier has turned into a strong, crisp wind, swirling the sand around them in circles. It carries the scent of the desert mixed with something warm and delicious. It is almost time for dinner.
Nadia next to her has laid her back flat on the ground, brown hair spread out around her shoulders and face as she turns her head towards the changing sky. She pats her hand on the floor next to her, inviting Selyn to join her.
"Are you angry with the council for sending you here?" She asks, as her padawan has adjusted next to her.
Selyn contemplates the question. She doesn't have to hide any bitter feelings since she can always be honest with Nadia, her master encourages honesty above all else. But she doesn't quite know how to express the mixed emotions stirring within her.
"No," she finally says, and adds quieter: "Maybe a bit."
"Try to explain," Nadia says patiently and Selyn knows that she wants to help her clear the thoughts that haven't been sorted through in her mind-home yet.
"I am not angry with them because they have every right to test me and send me here. Being a Jedi and letting go of all attachments is hard, but if I want to belong to the best of them, I have to master even this. If I wasn't as attached as I still am, this mission wouldn't be so difficult for me. They showed me a fault I must correct, and I will try my best to do so. I probably should be thanking them for guiding me like that."
"Then why are you still angry?"
"I don't know," Selyn answers honestly. But at the question a different, more rebellious side of hers is stirred, raising its head like a dragon tasting blood. A side of her that tastes like smoke and ash, that is strong and devouring like fire.
"Think about it," Nadia suggests. "Maybe not all feelings are as bad as they seem. You're just human after all."
✧･ﾟ:* 𝕬𝘜𝘛𝘏𝘖𝘙'𝘚 𝘕𝘖𝘛𝘌 *:･ﾟ✧
this was a bit of a filler chapter, but there's still some important stuff happening here. First Selyn and Cleodys bonding again! and then Selyn slowly, FINALLY, discovering her more rebellious side and starting to see the council more critically. Lets not kid ourselves, she's still delulu as hell but hey, we're getting there! 🤪🤪
Also we got a bit of more introduction to Selyn's mind home, a concept that's gonna play a huge part in this fic as well and an aspect of Selyn's character that I really like to explore and write 😌
Anyways! leave your thoughts, I'm always happy to hear what you think and discuss it 🫶
thanks for reading, kiss kiss!!
here's some ai art of how I picture Selyn in her mind-home, I think that really caught the vibe quite well 😌
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