Regina's POV:
I walk into my bedroom and sigh feeling weary of always trying to do the right thing. I should have killed the Pirate a long time ago. The best time would have been right after he turned me. over to Greg and Tamara. Instead, I let him be and watched him follow Emma around like a little lost puppy. Not that I knew back then that I was actually in love with her. Yes, there may have been some feelings even back then, but I didn't know how to define it at that time.
I drag myself into the bathroom and decide to draw a bath. My bones are tired after this long day. Maybe this will help me relax. I slip into the tub after making sure the water was nice and hot, and threw some lavender bath salts in. Instead of relaxing, I end up going down a dark rabbit hole of thoughts. Maybe he was right, she couldn't be happy with me. Yes, she said she accepted my past and is happy, but could that actually be true?
How could someone be in love with a person who did so many horrible things. I killed so many people. Some were bad, yes, but a majority of the people that died at my hand were innocent. They were selfish kills because I was miserable and wanted to make the people just as miserable. I could have easily been a good Queen to the people after marrying into royalty. I could have been a great mother to Snow. I could have made life better for the kingdom. I could have used my magic for good. But, it wasn't a thought. I was always selfish. Emma was always selfless. We were the complete opposite.
This is probably my karma. I am the Evil Queen. My magic is dark. My heart is black.
I get out of the bath water and drain the tub. I jump into the shower and rinse off. Brush my teeth. Lotion my skin and continue with my nightly routine. I throw on my silk pajamas and slip into bed. I couldn't help the sobs that ripped through me. I lay on Emma's side of the bed missing her warmth and smell. I don't know what to do with myself now. Could they be right? Could she come back to me? I can't break that spell just like that. It has to be True Love's kiss. We can't have True Love's kiss if she isn't in love with me. As of right now, she has no recollection of our relationship, our engagement, or ever being in love with me. She said she loved me from the get go, but to have really fallen in love with me, she had to explore those feelings. Hook will never let her get near me now.
I hear my door crack open, so I wipe my tears quickly.
"Gina?"
"Hi Sweety, are you okay?"
"Yes. But, I heard crying. I wanted to come check on you."
"I'm okay, honey. Let's get you back into bed."
I walk him back to his room and he hugs me tight. "I love you, Gina."
"I love you too, Roland. So much."
I help him into bed, pull the covers over him and tuck him in tightly. I run my hands through his soft hair and kiss his forehead.
"We're going to be okay, mommy. Don't cry. We'll take care of you."
My eyes begin to water, and I try to blink them away. "I love you, baby boy. Get some sleep."
I go into the guest bedroom. I don't want to sleep in my bed without Emma there. It's just too much.
The next morning, I didn't have the strength to get out of bed. I hear Henry get up. He'll know I'm not in a position to get up and make breakfast, so I know he'll make something for him and Roland. Instead, I turn over and go back to sleep.
An hour later, Henry comes into the room.
"Mom. I made pancakes and coffee. Can you sit up to eat something?"
"Thank you, My Prince. Leave it on the side table, I'll try to eat when I get up."
He kisses my forehead. "Please eat something."
"I will try later, honey."
"So um. Ma texted me. She and Hook want to take Roland and I fishing."
"You both should go. Have fun."
"I don't want to leave you here alone."
"I'm going to be okay, Henry. You don't have to worry about me."
"I have to, Mom. I remember what you were like after Robin died. I don't want to see you go through that heartbreak again."
"Henry, I will be fine. I promise."
"Okay. Please get up and eat today. I love you."
"I love you, too My Prince. Thank you for my breakfast.
A few weeks go by.
I continue with my daily routines everyday. Getting up, making the boys breakfast. Prepping their lunches for school and dropping them off. Then, I head to work. I keep away from everyone as much as possible and try to put on the best show I can for Henry and Roland so they don't worry about me. I don't take any face to face meetings with anyone. Whenever paperwork has to be dropped off, I have my assistant take it so that I don't have to see Emma if she's dropping it off. I've received many texts from Snow, David, Ruby and Zelena, and I leave them all unanswered. Every day I go home, the boys already finish their homework and shower. I make dinner, and watch them eat while I play around with my food, and taking a bite here and there to please Henry. Every night I turn into the guest bedroom and fall asleep after shedding some quiet tears so that the boys don't wake up and come running in to check on me. However, my sleep doesn't last long before I wake up from some sort of depressing dream and then that's it for the night. I would love to say that after much time is passing that it would get easier, but I end up just feeling more and more lonelier.
I skip the office today and decide to work from home. While I'm in the study I hear the doorbell ring.
I get up making my way to the door knowing that it's more than likely going to be someone I'm not interested in seeing. To my surprise, it's David.
"Hi Regina, may I come in?"
"Of course", I say and aside to let him in.
He comes in and pulls me into a tight embrace. It feels so safe, secure and warm. I instantly melt into it against my will.
"Why are you shutting us out, Regina?", he says still holding me in his arms. I just begin to sob. He holds me a bit tighter to him.
"If Snow and I quit, every time we were pulled apart, we wouldn't have continued finding each other. I want my family back together, Regina. I want my daughter safe and not with that filthy Pirate. I want her back with you."
I smile a small watery smile and look up at him. "You know, I should be the one consoling you all. Being that I am the parental figure here."
He laughs. "You're surely not acting like one. Besides, I'm your future father in law."
"Does this family tree get any crazier?" I laugh pulling away. "Thank you for coming, David. This helped."
"Well, it was either going to be me or Snow. And as much as you love Snow, she can be a tad more pushy, so I felt this was better." He smiles his charming smile.
"Yes, you're right. I just, I don't know what to do to get her back. If she's happy now, with him, should I even be trying to ruin that? Every harsh thing he said about me is true, David."
"It's not true, Regina. You have the biggest heart. Look at how selfless you're choosing to be here, knowing she is your True Love just as much as you are hers, even though she doesn't know it right now."
"She came to me last time. Last time I was withering away, she was persistent. She was at my door everyday. breaking down a brick at a time from the wall I've built around my heart. Here I am, withering away again, and she hasn't made any efforts in seeing me."
"The circumstances are different now, Regina. She's under a spell. The last time she wasn't. You need to get up and work on getting her back."
"It hurts too much, David. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't even step foot in my own bedroom anymore."
"I know. But you have to try. You can do this, Regina. Soon enough, we'll be walking you down the aisle to her. You just need to get up and start talking to her again."
"You would walk me down?"
"Of course. It would be an honor to walk you down. That's what she wanted. She wanted to be waiting for you at the alter."
"Thank you, David. I will think about it."
"Don't think about it. I know you, you'll talk yourself out of it."
"Okay." I say softly.
"How about, you come with me to the station? Put on your Mayoral facade, hound her about the overdue paperwork. Maybe discuss Henry and a family dinner."
"It's too soon after this conversation. But I will stop by soon."
"Thank you. Please stop avoiding me and Snow." He says softly and comes back over for a hug. Then I walk him to the door.
"Seriously, David. Thank you for coming by. I needed this."
"Anytime, Regina. Take care."
I walk back into my office. I don't even know how to go about initiating a conversation with her now. To think of her as a friend or act as though she is, will be painful. Besides, Hook won't even allow it. Which means the only time I'll be able to talk to her is at the station as long as he isn't there. Now would be the perfect time for a disaster to strike Storybrooke so she and I can work together. However, the only disaster is my love life being in disarray. Maybe tomorrow I can come up with something.
When I look over to check the time, it's already late. The boys should be getting home from school soon. I move over to the kitchen to start on dinner. I decide to make steaks, mash potatoes, seasoned rice and put together a salad.
I hear the door unlocking, the boys must be home. I walk to the front door to greet them and then I stop dead in my tracks. I wasn't expecting this.
"Hi" she says softly.
"Hello, Ms, Swan. Hook."
"You're a sight for sore eyes Madame Mayor."
"Yeah. Can I ask what you both are doing here?"
"Things were light at work, so we decided to pick the kids up from school."
"Oh. Thank you."
"No problem. Something smells delicious."
"Yes. I just finished making dinner. Boys, go upstairs and clean up please. Start your homework. We'll have dinner at 5." Henry looks at me with sad eyes. Roland runs up to give me a hug and I hold onto him tightly, leaning forward to kiss his head. Henry follows suit, giving me a tight embrace once Roland lets go.
"I guess we'll see you around, Regina." Emma says.
"Sure, Ms. Swan. Thank you again for bringing them home."
"No problem. I was wondering if we could take them out this weekend."
"What do you have planned?"
"We wanted to go fishing. I figured they both would enjoy that."
"Just you two?"
"Yes. You're welcome to join if you'd like."
"No, thank you. I'll think about it."
"Sure, just let me know. See ya" and so the walk off hand in hand. I roll my eyes watching them walk away and close the door behind them.
During dinner, Roland was eager to tell me about his day at school. He made a painting in art class with him, Henry and I. In the background he hand a drawing of Robin with angel wings, knowing that his father is watching over us in heaven. This brought another pained feeling to my heart. I haven't thought about Robin too much lately.
Henry seemed to have a good day as well.
I couldn't force myself to eat much. My head was starting to hurt. After they finished, I washed all the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. I went up for the night and decided to take a long hot shower. I take a sleeping pill tonight so that way I can actually catch up on some sleep. Around my eyes are beginning to get dark since I haven't had much sleep lately.