*Three weeks until the wedding*
It's been a week since I've heard from Harry.
There's been no texts, no calls, and I haven't been over to Gwen's to help with anything more wedding wise, so I haven't seen him in person either.
I guess it's two-sided though that I haven't heard from him. I wasn't trying to text or call either, but that's because I felt like we both just needed space after what happened. As much as I've tried to wash the events of last week from my mind, they're there every single time I find myself just sitting around, or when I'm trying to go to sleep.
My mind won't let me forget the way that his lips felt against mine. How it felt to have my hips roll against his, and how his hands skated over my body like he couldn't get enough. It was everything I had ever wanted, and it was quickly tainted by one little slip up. One little word.
Him saying my sister's fucking name.
There's part of me that's almost thankful that it happened though. I know for a fact that if things had escalated any further that we both would have felt extremely guilty. If we had truly given ourselves over to each other, that moment would be ruined given the surrounding factors. Harry is a man that's engaged - he's getting married in three weeks. And overall, he's engaged to my sister.
I look back down at the sketch I was working at on the surface of my station at the shop. I've been trying to throw myself into work as a distraction, and for the most part it was working. I offered to work an additional day so that I wasn't at home by myself with my thoughts as much as I had been. Today was that additional day for me, and I was mostly taking care of any walk-ins that were coming through the shop.
My phone starts to ring next to me, and I look down to see Gwen's name on the screen. I swallow harshly as I lift the device up and stare at it. I knew that Harry hadn't possibly told her about what had happened, and the reason that I was so adamant about that was because I would've had an angry sister banging on my door no matter what time of day it would've been.
I click the answer button and bring my phone up to my ear. "Hi, Gwen."
"Hey Carter, how've you been? I haven't talked to you in a little bit."
"I'm, uh...I've been fine," I nibble on my bottom lip before continuing. "How about you? Getting everything finalized okay?"
"Yeah, actually. It's going a lot more smoothly than I anticipated given how close the big day is, but I'm not complaining," Gwen responds. "I was actually wondering if you'd be able to come by this evening - I'll grab us some dinner. I want to go over the seating chart one more time, and I'd like a second set of eyes for the schedule I have for the reception. I also need some help picking out my dress for the rehearsal dinner."
I press my tongue into the inside of my cheek as I think over her request. I couldn't hide from her forever, and I also didn't want her to get suspicious of me. I wasn't sure of the conversation her and Harry had after he left my apartment last week, but I can only assume that he calmed her down to the point where she didn't feel the need to be so worked up anymore.
"Yeah, I actually picked up working at the shop today, but I should be done around six. I can head over right after I'm finished up here?
"That sounds good. I'll see you then," Gwen speaks before hanging up the call, and I let out a deep breath through my lips as I set my phone back down on my table.
I have only an hour and a half of my shift left, so I turn my attention back to my sketch to try and work down my nerves as to what going to Gwen's later could bring. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I tilt my head to the side, eyebrows narrowing as I try to get the small details of this sketch exactly right.
I don't even realize someone has approached my station until I feel a soft hand against my back - between my shoulderblades. Jumping slightly, I look up to see Alfie, and he's giving me a small smile.
"Hey," he says before he grabs the stool I sit on while tattooing, bringing it over so that he can sit down next to me. "Still working on this one?"
I've been working on this particular piece for the past couple of days, but that's because it was one of the more detailed ones I had been tasked with since starting to work on my own.
"Yeah, just trying to get everything right," I shrug, looking back to the sketch.
"It's looking great so far, Carter. You've come so far," he compliments me, and I feel him reach out to brush his knuckles along the side of my neck.
My eyes look up from my sketch again to stare at the wall in front of me when I feel his skin against mine. I knew that Alfie was trying to work up to something more between the two of us, and as much as I did enjoy flirting with him, I wasn't attracted to him in that way.
"Thanks," I clear my throat, my eyes finding him once more. "Did you need something?
"Uh, yeah, actually," he says, dropping his hand back into his lap. "I was wondering if I could maybe take you out on a date before the wedding. I know that right now everything has been on a friendship level with us, but I was really hoping to...I don't know. I would kind of like to see if this could go further."
I take a minute to gather my thoughts before I put my pencil down - turning to face him. "I've actually been meaning to talk to you about the wedding, Alfie. My mind has just been a bit everywhere this week so I kept forgetting."
"Okay, yeah, what's up?"
Looking down for a moment, I work up the courage to say the next words. "I think I just want to go to the wedding by myself."
It's silent between the two of us, and I give it a few more seconds before I look back up at him. His expression is one that I can't read - causing me to dig my fingertips into the denim covering my thigh.
"I promise that it's nothing against you personally. I've just been going through some stuff, and I feel like it's best if I just go and do that whole day alone," I try to explain as best as I can, but deep down I have to keep the real reason for not wanting him there.
It didn't feel right to bring a date after what happened between Harry and I. It was hard for me to think about being around anyone in such a setting, and I knew it would just be better if I was on my own.
"Y-you're sure I didn't do anything wrong?" Alfie asks, his eyes now growing with concern. "If I made you feel uncomfortable, I apologize, Carter. I never meant to overstep."
I shake my head, reaching out to place my hand over his for a moment - squeezing it before pulling it away. "Not at all, Alfie. This is just something that I've been thinking about, and for the both of us, I think it's just best if I go dateless, honestly."
Alfie frowns at my words, but he nods. "It's okay, I understand. If you end up changing your mind, please let me know. I'd still be more than happy to go with you."
"Yeah, I'll definitely let you know," I nod, sending him a weak smile. "Thank you for being so understanding."
I can tell he feels a bit awkward now that he had asked me on a date, and then I had revoked the actual 'date' that we did have planned. He smooths his hands over his thighs before he stands - pushing my stool back over towards its original position.
"I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, tomorrow," I tell him, and I stare at his retreating back as he walks back over to his own station.
As guilty as I feel about pulling the rug out from underneath him like that, it was necessary. I'm not in the right state of mind to try and act happy, and also have to entertain someone else on that day that's quickly approaching us. I wring my hands in my lap for a moment before looking back to my work.
⋆★★⋆
I stand in front of Gwen's door, giving myself an internal pep talk before I lift my fist to knock on her door. My eyes wander around her hallway before I hear the door open, and I look over to see my sister.
"Hey," she says, moving out of the way so I can step inside.
I'm immediately with boxes upon boxes, and I shrug off my jacket before looking over my shoulder at her. "You're moving?"
"Oh yeah, Harry and I got a house," she shrugs. "He didn't tell you when you saw him last week?"
"Nope," I say, shocking my head, making sure to pop the 'p' in the word. "But I think they had pregamed before I got to the bar so he was already kind of tipsy."
It was a lie, but I didn't want her to find it weird that he hadn't mentioned it to me. I didn't want to get him in trouble.
"Yeah," Gwen scoffs, shaking her head as she walks into the kitchen. "I can't believe how fucked up he got that night."
I slip my hands into the back pockets of my jeans as I lean my hip against the counter closest to her. "He was really okay for the most part, and I know he was super excited to have all of his closest friends in one place. He had a really good time, Gwen."
"No shit," she huffs, beginning to pull Indian food out of the paper bag on the counter. "Spent the night at yours, didn't he?"
I purse my lips to the side at her words, not knowing if she even really wants me to respond.
"Sorry," she sighs, shaking her head. "I know you were just looking out for him, and honestly, I'm glad he didn't pay that ridiculous Uber fee. I just got really nervous that something more had happened. Not with you or anything, but I know when you go out these days you don't tend to stay the whole time. I was scared that he lied about being at yours, and that he and the guys had gone somewhere else after the bar...I don't know."
Guilt gathers in my stomach at her words, and I hesitantly reach out a hand to place it on her shoulder. "Harry loves you, Gwen. Regardless of me still being there or not, I know that wouldn't have been how his night ended up."
Gwen lets out a heavy sigh as she nods, and I drop my hand away from her.
I wasn't lying, necessarily. He did love her. He made that very clear when her name escaped his mouth when I was on top of him when I was almost completely baring myself to him.
"I got you the chicken tikka masala that you like with the garlic naan, is that okay?"
"That's perfect. Thank you, Gweny," I tell her, taking the take out container and the foil wrapped naan from her as she hands them to me.
The nickname slips out before I can even think about it, but I try not to dwell as I walk over to her dining table. She collects her food as well before joining me, and we start to dig in as she lays out the table charts in front of us.
"Okay, so I was thinking about maybe switching these two tables around because-"
We're interrupted by the sound of her door opening, and I look over to see Harry walking inside. I quickly divert my eyes from him, looking back to the table charts.
"Oh, hi, baby," I hear Gwen coo, and Harry steps over to her. I can hear their kiss even though I'm not looking directly at them. "I didn't expect you so soon."
"I finished up early today," Harry says, and he moves into the kitchen. "The food smells great."
"Yours is that chana masala you had last time," Gwen says before turning back to me. "So, I was saying that I think I'm going to change these two tables because I didn't realize this one would be closer to the dancefloor. Since this table is just full of friends, I'm going to move them back so that family can be closer, what do you think?"
"That makes sense," I nod as I take a bite of my food, practically forcing it down with how bad my nerves are. My eyes scan over the wedding date table, and I see that Alfie is still there. "Uhm, we...we can take him away."
I reach out and point my finger to his name - keeping my eyes on paper after I speak.
"Alfie?" Gwen asks, and her tone shows surprise. "Why?"
"He's not coming anymore," I whisper, and I look past Gwen to see that Harry has stopped his motions in the kitchen, but his back is still to me. "I told him today that I'm just going to go alone."
My eyes look back to meet Gwen's, and her eyebrows are knitted together. "You're okay with just coming to the wedding alone?"
"Yeah, it's probably just better that way."
Gwen stares at me for a bit longer, but she doesn't speak on it anymore. "Okay, fine. It's not a big deal to take a chair away from the plus one table."
We rearrange a few more tables and finish up our dinner, Harry joining us at the table after a while, but I still don't look in his direction.
"Okay, I'm going to go try on my options for the rehearsal dinner. I'll be right back."
Gwen disposes of her trash from dinner before heading into her bedroom, and I stare at the scraps of the food I have leftover. I stand after a moment to gather my own trash and carry it over to the trash can. I can feel Harry's eyes on me, but I don't make any movement to look at him.
"Why did you cancel on Alfie?"
I stop what I'm doing when I hear him speak, but then I continue throwing my trash away and tidying up Gwen's kitchen for her. "It's for the best."
"Carter-"
"What?" I ask, my tone coming out harsh as I finally look over my shoulder to meet Harry's eyes. "All of a sudden you want me to go with him?"
Harry's eyes widen slightly at my outburst, and he looks over his shoulder at Gwen's bedroom door before looking back to me. "Can we...can we talk about this later? I'm sorry, I know I brought it up, but it's probably not smart to have this conversation here."
I roll my eyes as I shake my head, beginning to wipe down Gwen's counters to give myself something to do. "I really don't care whether we have this conversation or not."
I knew that my words were harsh, but I was angry. All of a sudden his tune had changed on me bringing Alfie as my date. Last week, and months prior, Harry was shitting on me for having anything to do with him, and now he was questioning me as to why I didn't want him as my date anymore.
The emotional whiplash was getting to be too much.
I hear Harry laugh bitterly behind me, and for the first time in my life, I feel anger rise in me when it comes to him. "Something funny?"
I turn around to lean against the counter with my arms crossed over my chest, and I see that Harry's eyes have already been on me.
"No," he shakes his head, continuing to eat his food, but for the most part he's just poking at it. "Nothing is fucking funny about this whole thing."
Saying that my heart and my mind are conflicted would be an understatement. I've never once found myself so angry, and honestly, disappointed in Harry. We used to shock people when we would tell them we've never had a fight between the two of us, but that's just how we usually are. There's nothing to fight over. We just work.
I open my mouth to ask what he means, but I hear Gwen's bedroom door opening.
My eyes quickly look over to her, and I push myself off the counter - dropping my arms to my sides. "Oh, wow," I breathe, looking over the white gown she has on.
It has a bit of a metallic sheen to it, and it fits her frame so perfectly.
"What do you think?" Gwen asks, setting her hands on her hips. "The other one isn't as flashy as this one, but I don't know. This one is just speaking to me."
"I think this one is great, Gwen," I'm not lying. The dress looks like it was made for her.
"Harry?" Gwen asks, but I keep my eyes on my sister as she waits for his response.
"Yeah, 's pretty. You look beautiful," Harry says, and I do my best to keep my expression neutral with his words.
"Well, if you guys think this is the one, I'm not even going to bother trying on the other. I'll just return it," Gwen shrugs as she looks down at the dress.
For a moment, I look between Harry and Gwen before I speak up. "I'm going to go ahead and head home. I'm pretty tired."
Gwen gives me a nod. "Okay, thanks for coming over on such short notice. I really do appreciate it."
"Not a problem," I shake my head, sending her a soft smile. "I'll see you guys later."
I collect my jacket and my purse before heading towards the door. My eyes glance over to Harry, and I know I have to say something. "Bye, Harry."
"Bye Carter."
Again - he didn't even look at me.
Once I'm out of her apartment, I wait for that feeling of tension to release, but it never comes. I know it's because at this point, my anxiety stems beyond just being around Gwen when she's so stressed about the wedding. The events of last week have been on replay in my head, and as much as I enjoyed what happened before Harry's slip-up, it was so wrong.
I make it to my car that was parked on the street, and I start back towards my apartment.
All I wanted to do was take a hot shower and collapse on the couch to rot away while watching reruns of shitty reality television.
The drive back to my apartment was one of those where you wonder how you even got home. I had zoned out the entire time due to all the thoughts rushing through my mind. I was getting to the point where I just wanted to feel empty. I wanted to shut off my emotions until after the wedding because that would just be easier for everyone.
Now I'm stepping out of the shower, fixing my hair that I had pulled into a bun since I didn't have to wash it tonight before slipping into my pajamas. I push my glasses onto the bridge of my nose, and I head into my kitchen to grab a drink from the fridge before I settle myself down on the couch.
As I reach into my fridge to grab a can of soda water, I hear a knock on the door. I straighten up, eyebrows narrowing as I set my can down on the coffee table before heading towards it. I look out my peephole, and I see Harry standing there. His hands are in the pockets of his jacket, and he's looking down at his feet.
Almost every single part of me just wants to ignore him. I don't want to let him in because I really don't want to face the reality of what's going to come of our conversation. I know that's why he's here. I know he wants to talk.
I close my eyes for a moment, focusing on taking in a deep breath before I undo my locks and open the door. Harry looks up from his feet, our eyes hold one another's for a moment before I move out of the doorway to let him in. He steps inside, and I close the door behind him.
He stands awkwardly not too far from where I am, and I clear my throat. "You can take your jacket and shoes off if you want. You don't have to just stand there."
I walk away from him to sit down on the couch, and I grab my drink. I crack it open before taking a couple of sips as Harry moves around - doing what I've told him. Instead of sitting down on the couch next to me, he sits in the chair that's next to it. I try not to let that sting, but I also understand why he did it.
Selfishly, there was a part of me that thought the moment he stepped into the apartment, he'd have his hands on my face, and his lips against mine once again. The way I yearned for it was humiliating, but that didn't happen. I knew it wasn't going to happen, and it shouldn't happen.
"I know that you said you didn't care about whether or not we had a conversation about everything, but I feel like we need to," Harry speaks up first, and I look down to realize that I'm just in a cropped tank top and some sleep shorts - having not expected any company.
I grab the blanket that was sitting next to me on the couch, and I drape it over myself so that I'm not so exposed in front of him before I respond. "Okay, yeah. I know it needs to happen...I'm just a little scared of what the outcome is going to be. I think that's why I don't want to really talk."
Harry finally looks up from his hands to look at me, and he shakes his head. "Regardless of what happened, Carter, I still meant what I said about not wanting to lose you. I don't know what I would do if you and I weren't as close anymore."
"I don't know if that's the smartest thing for us these days, Harry," I sigh, my own head mimicking the actions of his. "Last week proved that things have just gotten so complicated between the two of us, and I really don't know how much more I can take."
"Can we just start with what happened, and then we can go from there?"
I nod, fiddling with my fingers underneath the blanket as my nervousness grows. "I-I'm sorry for kissing you," my voice is barely above a whisper as I stare down at my lap. "It was wrong, and I think the alcohol played into it a lot. I didn't mean to put you in this position."
"Carter," Harry's voice is almost demanding, and I look up to see him already looking at me. "I kissed you back. You can't put all of this on yourself, okay? We kissed each other. I didn't just kiss you, and you didn't just kiss me."
It goes silent between the two of us for a bit before Harry starts to speak again. "Can I just...can I talk for a little bit, and you just listen? There's a lot that I feel like I need to say."
"Yeah," I nod, pushing my glasses up since they had fallen a bit. "Yeah, of course, H."
Harry sucks in deep breath, one that's more than audible to me as he leans forward in the chair. His forearms are resting on the tops of his legs, and I watch as his hands tremble as he goes to interlock his fingers. The trembling only gets worse, and I sit up on the couch a bit - worry coming over me.
"Harry, are you-"
"I was selfish the other night because I used to be in love with you, Carter."
I hear his words, but I continue to blankly stare at him as I try to process them. Once they register, I feel tears gathering in my waterline as the weight of them starts to settle in my chest.
He used to be in love with me.
"W-what do you mean? Why didn't you ever-"
"I never said anything because I didn't think you reciprocated my feelings, and I was scared of losing you," Harry says, spinning one of his rings around his fingers over and over again. "And then after that one formal, when you separated yourself from me for a couple of weeks, that just sealed it. You didn't feel the same. I knew that you ran away because of how intimate me holding you felt, and I knew I scared you off.
"But god, I didn't stop loving you. I tried. I tried so fucking hard by dating all those girls that last year of college, but none of them compared to you."
Tears start to stream down my cheeks, and I wring my blanket in my hands. He loved me, and I knew I loved him at the time, and I fucked it up by being scared.
"When I moved in with you guys the summer after college, I thought that maybe things would've changed - that maybe you would've realized that you felt the same way too, but it didn't happen. And I...I knew Gwen was interested in me," Harry's tone lowers a bit as he continues to speak. "She had flirted openly a few times whenever you weren't around, and one night when you were out with Kieran, we made out."
I close my eyes as I bit down on my bottom lip to keep it from wobbling. Their relationship had started in the house, right under my nose, and neither of them thought to tell me.
"It never went further than that when I was still living there. I had more respect for your parents than to do that under their roof - more respect for you," Harry continues. "But once I was moved out, that's when I finally asked her out on a date."
"Yeah, I know," I say quietly, sniffling softly as I wipe some of the tears off my face. "You didn't even tell me. She did."
Harry looks up at me, holding my eyes as he opens his mouth to speak again. "I was hoping it would spark something in you, and that you would maybe realize you did feel the way I felt."
The silence that blankets over us becomes deafening quite quickly. For the first time, I saw Harry in a negative light. A borderline manipulative light.
"You used my sister to try to get me to have feelings for you?" I ask, no fluctuation to my voice.
"It was fucked up, Carter," he runs his hands over his face, covering his eyes, and I hear him sniff loudly before he continues. "I know that it was so wrong of me to do."
He drops his hands, and I can see that he's also crying now.
"But then I did end up falling for Gwen, and I fell hard. She kept me on my toes. She was so outgoing, and charismatic. I grew more and more attracted to her with every date we went on, and I...I just knew then. I knew she was going to be the one."
"And Gwen? Does she know any of this?"
Harry shakes his head as he picks at his cuticles. "I never told her about my feelings for you. I've never told anyone until now."
Swallowing harshly, I look away from him - pressing my tongue against the inside of my cheek as I think of what to possibly say next.
"And now?" I clear my throat as I stare out one of my windows so that I don't have to look at Harry. "Your feelings about me...what are they?"
"I still love you, Carter. I love you so much," Harry speaks, and I close my eyes. I know what's coming next. "But I don't love you like that anymore. The love I have for you now is strictly based on our friendship. Gwen is it for me."
I nod in response to his words, and I lift both my hands to take my glasses off. I set them in my lap as I wipe over my cheeks, but I don't know why I'm bothering to - the tears just keep flowing.
This could be my chance to tell him everything. He had been open and vulnerable with me, and I know that he would allow me to be the same with him.
But I can't.
I can't confess my love for him when I know it won't be reciprocated. I would just be hurting myself, and him, by having to say that I did love him the way he loved me. That I still love him in that way, but it would all just be out there for me to get shot down. Right now, I can't handle that. I don't think I'll ever be able to.
"Well, thank you for telling me," I choke out, trying to sound strong but my voice cracking betrays me. A soft sob escapes my mouth before I'm burying my face into my hands.
I hear shuffling around, and soon I feel one of Harry's hands on my knees over the blanket - the other on my back. "I...I'm sorry for bringing this up now. I didn't think it would upset you so much."
My guilt starts up again as I can't be honest with him as to why I'm so upset. I'll have to just lie like I've been doing all these years.
"I'm just upset for what I've done to Gwen," I fabricate. "She'll never talk to me again when she finds out."
Harry's hand rubs up and down my back, and he gives my knee a squeeze. "I'm not going to tell her. I know that it's wrong, but I won't be the one to say anything. You don't have to either, and we can just put it behind us. We were drunk, like you said, and I let past emotions influence how far it got."
I nod in response, lifting my head up to look over at him. "It's been a while since anyone has kissed me, or put their hands on me like that, so I think it was just...comfort."
More lies.
It wasn't a lie that I hadn't had human contact like that in a while, but I definitely didn't allow it to continue out of comfort. I allowed it to continue because I wanted him.
"I just don't want to lose you," he whispers, and I lick over my bottom lip.
"Harry, I don't know if there's a way to get past this," I tell him - my heart cracking in my chest as I do so. "I think this is a sign that we do have to separate ourselves from each other. Not entirely, but...it needs to happen."
Harry looks down at the space floor between his knees and the couch where he's currently kneeled, and he nods. "I guess you're right."
His hands leave me, and I immediately feel so much colder without his touch.
"I-I think you should go," I whisper, choking down a whimper as I do so.
Harry doesn't look at me again as he pushes himself off the ground and gathers his jacket, slipping back into his shoes. "I'm sorry, Carter."
I hesitate before answering, and I think he doesn't expect me to as he opens the door to leave, but I give him what I can right now. "I know."
He pauses for a moment before he continues his way out. After a few seconds, I push myself off the couch to redo my locks, and then I'm sitting right back down - trying to process everything I had just been told.
Part of me is relieved at the fact that I now know that sharing my feelings won't change anything. That spares me, and a lot of other people, the hurt of that conversation happening. But my mind reels at what could have been between Harry and I if I had just known he did feel the same way then.
This whole thing has made me realize that change is necessary, even further than just separating myself from Harry, and I needed to figure that change out soon.
⋆★★⋆
I'm currently sitting in my car outside of the restaurant where we're having the rehearsal dinner tonight. My hands are still loosely gripping the wheel as I stare at the middle of it. I had been more than beside myself these past few weeks since Harry's confession. We haven't spoken, again, neither of us were trying to reach out. I think he was giving me space, and I was avoiding hurting myself even further than I already have.
Gwen and Harry just moved into their house last week, and I purposefully picked up two extra shifts at the shop so that I wouldn't be able to help them. I couldn't be there to watch all the things that I've seen Harry accrue throughout the years be put into a place that he would be sharing with someone else - potentially somewhere that they would be staying for several years, if not forever. I didn't want to see the things I had become so used to seeing on his walls being on a set of different ones.
Being there, and seeing both him and Gwen actually moving in together would've been awful for me. I know the wedding is going to completely break me, and I didn't need to already start putting the cracks in place by seeing how happy they would've been putting their things together under one roof.
I hadn't told my mother about Alfie no longer joining me at the wedding, and I wasn't sure if Gwen had. But I hadn't told anyone about the biggest change that I've made over these last few days. I intend on telling them all tonight, and then maybe I can start moving on from all of this.
Finding it in myself, I get out of my car and head into the restaurant - curling my peacoat around myself given how much it had cooled down considering it was now early December. I walk up to the hostess stand to let them know that I'm here for the 'Adams-Styles' wedding party, and she nods before beginning to guide me through the large dining room.
She opens two large doors that lead to a room off the main dining room, and I can see that my parents, Gwen and Harry are already inside with a few of the bridesmaids. I approach the area where they're standing, and I see my father immediately turn his attention to me.
"Hi pumpkin," he says, walking forward to wrap his arms around me, and he plants a kiss against the top of my head. "You look beautiful tonight."
"Thanks," I whisper, my chest expanding as I take in a deep breath.
He gives me a big squeeze before releasing me, and I move along to approach Harry, my mother and Gwen. "Carter, you're a little late, aren't you?"
Of course my mother is the first to speak up, but I keep myself composed, and I send her a soft smile. "Sorry, I've been working a lot these past few weeks. Time is just slipping away a little bit."
Gwen's face remains unchanged, but Harry looks up from his glass of tequila to meet my eyes for just a moment before looking away.
"Yeah, didn't you know? That's why she wasn't able to help us move," Gwen says, and I hear a bitterness to her tone.
"We were okay with who we had," Harry speaks up, and I divert my eyes from all of them.
"I'm going to go and get a drink," I whisper, walking away from the three of them.
I ask the bartender for a Moscow Mule, and a shot of Casamigos which I quickly down before remaining against the wall by the bar. My eyes remain on my feet until I feel a small nudge of a shoulder against my own. I look up to see Gavin, and I send him a soft smile.
"You okay?"
Pursing my lips to the side, I shake my head as I look back down to my drink. "Not really, but I'll be okay."
I look back over to Gavin as he nods, taking a sip of his own drink. "I apologize if I'm overstepping, but I never really heard you talk about your sister before. I'm gathering that the two of you don't get along very well?"
"Sometimes we do," I respond, taking a sip of my drink. "Most of the time we don't."
"And you're not the happiest about her and Harry being together?"
"No comment, Gavin."
He gives me a playful smirk, and I can't help but to return it. I'm sure he's been around both Harry and Gwen when I haven't, and I'm almost positive he's seen the way my sister can be.
There's an announcement that dinner is being served, and I head over to the main table to sit down. Once again I'm across from Harry with the bridesmaids on each side of me, the parents on both sides of the bride and groom.
Dinner is being served, and casual conversation is happening before my mother speaks up. "Carter, where's Alfie?"
Our table consisted of the plus ones being sat with the bridal party, and of course Alfie wasn't here.
"Oh, uhm, he's not coming with me anymore," I push my food around my plate, moving my eyes down so I'm no longer making eye contact with anyone.
"How come?"
My mother continues to push, and I drop my hands into my lap to clench my fists under the table. "It just didn't work out, okay?"
I can feel so many eyes on me at this moment, and I decide to work it to my advantage.
"I also wanted you guys to know that I'm moving."
Harry's head shoots up out of the corner of my eye, and I can see that everyone is now staring at me.
"You're what?" Gwen asks, and I look over to see her brows furrowed.
"Yeah, I'm moving. A couple cities over, about two hours away, " I nod. "I already have a job lined up at a tattoo studio there, and I've already put down a deposit on an apartment."
"Well good you for you, Carter," my father lifts his glass, and I smile over at him.
Everyone else follows suit, and we cheers, but I didn't expect it to be this much of a spectacle.
I keep to myself for the rest of the dinner, barely eating my food, but definitely consuming the alcohol in front of me to get through everything.
Once the dinner is over, Gwen announces that we're going to head over to the venue to run through the ceremony. I made the decision to not drink a lot here tonight, so I only had two cocktails and a shot. I feel fine to drive, and I'm glad I made that choice because I don't want to ride with anyone else.
I just want to be alone.
⋆★★⋆
A/N:
Yeah...sorry about his one.
A bit shorter than the rest of the chapters, but this one flows right into the next one.
See you on Wednesday for the last part!