A/N: A bonus chapter from my main story. This fits between "The Name" and "The Scare".
"So Sophie's taking a nap?" Fitz asked. He had just leapt to Aeternum, and they were sitting outside by the pond.
"Yeah, she's been doing a lot of that lately. Apparently pregnancy can make a girl really exhausted."
"I guess it makes sense," Fitz mused, taking a swig of his lushberry juice. "She's literally building another person. That's bound to take its toll on her."
"Exactly," Keefe agreed. "But when I told her you were coming over she tried to insist she wasn't tired. Seemed to think she'd be a bad hostess if she napped while we had company over."
Fitz rolled his eyes. "She needs to take care of herself."
"She is. I'm making sure of it." Keefe couldn't help but smile as he remembered the way she'd tried to fight her exhaustion, feeling embarrassed at how tired she was, and how he'd convinced her to take a nap.
All it had taken was a reminder that Fitz coming to hang out wasn't exactly the same as 'having company over', and that Keefe had managed to keep Fitz entertained without help for years before Sophie had come along.
Then he'd wrapped his arms around her, kissed her forehead, and ordered her to bed.
She'd started to cry—feeling a sudden, overwhelming gratitude—and thanked him for looking after her.
And he'd chosen to ignore her major mood swing and had given her a sweet kiss instead. "I love both of my girls very much," he'd murmured. "Of course I'm looking after you."
As he remembered all of this, he realized Fitz was staring at him with a funny expression on his face.
"What?"
Fitz shrugged. "It's just...you're still the same old Keefe who orchestrated the Great Gulon Incident—"
"I had nothing to do with that!"
"—and slipped Gurgle Gut into my lunch at school," Fitz continued, pretending he hadn't heard Keefe. "But you're also different. Married. About to have a baby. I mean...when did we grow up? Biana and Dex are married. I'm hoping to propose to Linh soon. You and Sophie are going to be parents. It's crazy."
"It is crazy," Keefe agreed.
Crazy that the son of Gisela and Cassius Sencen—the coldest, cruelest parents in the world—was going to have a child.
Keefe was ridiculously excited, but he was also a little afraid, too.
Because he hadn't had a good parenting example growing up.
And he'd already proved to himself that he was more like his dad than he ever wanted to admit.
The thought made him sick.
He'd mentioned to Sophie that he was worried about being a good father, and she'd assured him he would be amazing.
She'd admitted the same fear for herself—worried that her own experience in losing her human parents, then in being in constant danger, would cause her to cling too tightly to her kids and be overprotective.
And he'd assured her that she would be amazing.
But Keefe struggled to really believe it for himself.
"Uh, Keefe?"
Keefe looked over to see that Fitz was starting to look concerned. "Huh?" He asked.
"Why do you look panicked all of a sudden? You looked ridiculously happy a minute ago."
What had happened to Keefe's finely honed ability to keep his feelings from showing on his face? No matter what he was feeling inside, Fitz shouldn't have been able to tell.
"It's nothing," Keefe insisted. "It's not a big deal."
Fitz just kept staring.
"What?" Keefe asked, somewhat defensively.
Fitz sighed. "If you don't want to talk about it, I won't push," he said quietly. "But I will remind you that you hid the hard things from me for years because you didn't want me to know. And that was fine. It was what you needed at the time. But these last few years you've finally started to let me in, and I hope you know I appreciate the trust. So if and when you ever need to talk, just know...I'm here. You don't have to go back to being the guy who hides everything behind a joke. The guy who came to me and stayed up all night working through his anger after having a huge fight with his dad? That guy is always welcome."
Keefe deeply appreciated that. Fitz was telling him it was okay to confide in him, okay to ask for help or advice, but also okay to choose to keep it to himself.
He looked up toward the house, thinking about his beautiful wife and the precious daughter slowly being knit together inside her.
He wanted to talk about it.
But he'd barely been able to open up to Sophie about it yet, and he could usually tell her anything. But he felt like voicing this concern would make it more tangible, more likely to be true.
But he also knew he was probably being irrational.
So he took a deep breath and turned back to Fitz.
"The thing is...I'm worried about being a good dad. I..." he dragged a hand down his face. "I'm afraid I'm going to be like my dad."
There was a beat of silence as Fitz took that in.
"Listen," Fitz said after a second. "I've known you for years. You've been my best friend for years. Do you really think we'd have become friends if you were anything like your dad? Does he even have close friendships? Did he and your mom ever love each other the way you and Sophie do?"
"But--"
"Do you think your dad hailed his friends crying tears of joy when he found out your mom was pregnant, like you did a few weeks ago?" Fitz continued. "I promise you, Keefe, you are nothing like your father."
"I think...I'm more like him than you know." Keefe barely got the words out.
"How so?"
"Do you remember me telling you about the first time Sophie and I had a fight?"
Fitz nodded. "You didn't give me details, but I remember you telling me that you made up quickly and everything was fine."
"It was," Keefe admitted. "But it made me realize something. And then...the few arguments we've had...I've noticed it again. I...I got angry and I was so quick to find the most painful things possible to say, and then say them." He sighed. "I attacked her directly where I knew she was weak, where she was vulnerable. I intentionally took information that I knew she was sensitive about, and used it against her. I hoped it was just an anomaly, but I've acted that way in other arguments too. And we rarely fight, but still. Don't you see? This means that I'm more like my father than I thought. How much more of that will come out when I'm a parent?"
Fitz nodded in understanding. "I can see why that would worry you, he said slowly. "But the thing is...all you ever saw was the way your awful parents behaved in an awful manner. What you didn't see is that amazing people also behave awfully sometimes too. It's just part of it. That's how fights happen—we say things we don't fully mean, or say them with an attitude we shouldn't have."
Keefe didn't say anything, but just sat there, staring out at the pond. He wasn't really sure what to say.
"Keefe, listen." Fitz waited for Keefe to look at him. "You know I've always struggled with a short temper and a tendency for harsh words when I get upset. Do you think I'm like your dad?"
Keefe shrugged. "No," he said finally. "No, you're nothing like my dad."
"Did you apologize to Sophie after treating her badly? Did you feel awful about it and try to make it up to her?"
"Of course."
"Did your dad ever do that for you? Or for your mom?"
"No."
But that didn't change the fact that Keefe knew he was capable of being cruel.
"No one is perfect," Fitz told him. "The difference is the person you want to be. You are way more easy-going than your dad, and you're kind, and you love your wife and obviously already love that baby too. I mean...come on. Sophie has always been, like, the most insecure person on the planet. But she's sure of you. She knows you love her because you've made it obvious to her that you do. You don't withhold anything."
"And that'll be enough?" Keefe wanted to believe it. He knew he loved Sophie and Emma very much, and knew he was better at making Sophie feel loved than either of his parents had been for him, but that didn't necessarily mean he'd be a good dad.
"Of course. You won't be a perfect parent because that doesn't exist. But when you mess up, you'll admit it and apologize. That makes a huge difference. Honestly, Linh isn't even pregnant and I'm a little scared about becoming a father too. I think it's probably normal to worry about it. In fact, you know what?"
"What?"
"I know you'll be a better parent than your dad simply because you're this worried about it. If you were really like him, you wouldn't be so worried."
That was true. Keefe doubted his father had spent much time worrying about how he treated his son.
And even he seemed to be trying to make amends now.
"You sound like Grady," Keefe told him.
"You talked about it with Grady?"
Keefe shook his head. He'd thought about it, but he hadn't been able to bring it up. "No. But as soon as we told them Sophie was pregnant he started telling me I would be a better dad than my own father."
Fitz grinned. "He knows you well. So just hold on to that. Grady's a good dad. Follow his example instead of your own dad's and you'll be just fine."
Keefe let out a long sigh. "Thanks. This...helped a lot."
"Good. Linh has been talking a lot about how she can't wait to see you both become parents. She has faith in you and so do I."
Keefe, who really was feeling less panicky, smirked. "Is this going to make Linh want to start having babies?"
Fitz grinned. "We don't plan to have any for a while, but it'll be great when we do. I just have to propose first."
"Yeah, about that," Keefe said. "When are you thinking?"
"I don't know...soon? Maybe since she's starting her last semester at school I can propose a little closer to graduation."
Conversation turned to lighter topics until Keefe decided he should probably go inside and check on Sophie.
"If she sleeps too long, it messes up her ability to sleep well at night, and she forgets to eat," he explained as they walked back up to the house. "She's tired and a little nauseated and it's making her forgetful, so I'm trying to help her make sure she keeps some sort of schedule. Especially with Foxfire resuming in a few days."
Fitz smiled at him. "See? You're already a much better dad—not to mention husband—than Lord Cassius. Everything is going to be okay."
Keefe felt his chest swell with pride as he thought about what Fitz had said.
He was going to do everything he could to be better than his parents.
Fitz stayed just long enough to say hi to Sophie when she came downstairs, then he left.
Keefe made sure he and Sophie had something to eat, and while they sat at the table, he filled her in on his concerns and the talk he'd just had with Fitz.
"Oh, Keefe," she said sympathetically. "Of course you aren't like your dad. We all say hateful, stupid things sometimes when we're angry. Even in our worst fight you have never reminded me of Cassius."
He smiled at her. "It's just hard to shake off the fear that I'll be like him," he admitted. "Even though I know better."
She got up and moved over to him, gesturing for him to scoot his chair back. He obliged and she sat down in his lap, slipping her fingers into his hair and tilting his head back to kiss him. He immediately wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her in place, feeling that familiar thrill that being close to her always afforded him.
"You do know better," she told him, bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. "You are incredibly kind and patient and loving."
Keefe smirked, ready to lighten the mood now.
Plus...it was hard to feel very sad or scared with a beautiful girl sitting in his lap.
So he tightened his grip on her waist and said, in that low voice he knew made her tremble, "and sexy, right? I'm kind and patient and loving and sexy?"
Keefe felt her amusement before she laughed. "Yes," she agreed, leaning in for another kiss. "That too."