My heart is beating hard as I stop outside of room 451, checking again to ensure I have the right classroom. My first period is history, taught by Mr. Rogers. I managed to drag myself out of bed half an hour earlier than I wanted to give myself extra time to find my first class. Thank god I did because I got lost twice and had to ask a couple of scared-looking freshmen for directions.
I pull open the door and walk into the classroom, relieved to see I'm not the only one who arrived early. A handful of students are already seated, including a girl on my floor, one of Carly's many friends. I think her name is Alicia. I give her a tentative wave, which she returns with a smile. Feeling calmer, I look around to see that our names are on our desks, presumably because we have assigned seats.
I scan the room until I spot mine, and then make my back to my desk. Seated next to me is a slender boy with blue eyes and dark brown shaggy hair, which is falling into his eyes. He's tall enough that he has to stretch his legs out from under his desk. Otherwise, he'd be cramped. He's cute. Really cute. Not as good looking as River or Tyler, but definitely easy on the eyes. He smiles at me as I slide into my seat next to him. People here are definitely friendlier than I was anticipating.
"Hi, I'm Gavin," my neighbor introduces himself. "I'm sorry I don't remember your name. Have we had class together before?"
"I'm Brooklyn," I tell him. "I just transferred, that's why I don't look familiar."
"Oh, okay, that makes sense. How's your first day going?" Gavin asks.
"Pretty good so far," I answer. This is the kind of standard small talk that I usually try to avoid because it makes me nervous, but on this occasion, I'm grateful for it. I'm about to ask Gavin if he's ever been in a class taught by Mr. Rogers, and if so, is he a good teacher? But before I can verbalize the question, River walks in the door. I try not to watch him as he moves. However, I can't help but stare at his graceful stride as he crosses the room and sits down. Right next to me. I stare ahead and fight the urge to fidget. As he sits down, Gavin looks up in recognition.
"Hey Gavin," River greets him casually.
"Hey River, did you have a good summer?" Gavin asks. Something in his demeanor shifts when he speaks to River. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel a dynamic has just come into play that I am missing out on. Unfortunately, I don't have Jessica sitting next to me to explain. I make a mental note to ask her if Gavin has ever outwardly expressed resentment towards River. Gavin's voice doesn't have the warm quality to it that was there when he introduced himself to me.
"Yeah, nothing special. Tyler's throwing a kickback at his place this weekend," River tells Gavin. I try not to bristle at the fact that they are talking over me like I don't exist.
"A kickback? So you mean a total rager then?" Gavin asks, with just the right amount of sarcasm mixed with friendliness to hide whatever less than warm feelings he has towards River, if I'm reading the situation right.
"Yeah something like that," River replies, an easy smile on his face.
"Not wasting any time getting back to it, is he," Gavin comments, and his demeanor becomes noticeably warmer. Okay, maybe I read that wrong, and Gavin has no hard feelings toward River.
"Nope," River says and then full on grins. His smile is as gorgeous as the rest of him, but I can't help noticing that it doesn't touch his eyes. "Are you planning on going?"
"Yeah, Hayley was telling me she wants to swing by and check it out."
"Tyler Jordan?" I ask. I know the answer to this question already, thanks to my conversation with Jessica last night.
"Yeah, I would invite you but... I'm not sure it's your kind of fun," River says. His eyes dip down to meet mine, and I feel a flush start to creep up my neck and cheeks. Excuse me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
"I'm sorry?" I stutter. Could I have heard him wrong? Jessica said this guy was rude, but she didn't make him out as the kind of person who insulted others for fun unprovoked. Or maybe I just wanted to infer that for my own benefit.
"Sorry, I'm not trying to offend you," River says in a way that makes me think he definitely is. "I just figured someone whose first stop during welcome week was the library isn't much of a partier. I wouldn't want to put you in an awkward situation."
"How thoughtful of you," I snap. I'm saved from the task of having to think up a better comeback when Mr. Rogers begins to introduce himself to the class. I clench my pencil and fume silently, praying that neither boy notices my red face. It's clear that they aren't planning on inviting me. Which is fine. There's no reason for me to care, I tell myself. It's not like I know either of them anyway. And the more I talk to River, the less sure I am that I want to know him. I don't know what got into me earlier when I wished I could have a chance with him. He's obviously not my type. I sigh louder than I meant to and incline my head left as slyly as possible, just in time to see River smirk like he knows exactly what I'm thinking. Asshole. Jerk. Fuckface. I hurl insults at him silently in the privacy of my head. I don't know what's gotten into me. Normally I'm very level headed but something about River St. Claire and his snarky observations makes me want to throw something.
So maybe this time, I want to fit in with the popular crowd. I want to belong for once in my life. What's so wrong with that? But if River's friends are anything like him, that is not in the cards for me. I should be grateful that I have Jessica and Carly, who have both made an effort to make me feel welcome instead of insulting me like the ridiculously good looking boy currently sitting to my left.
Sadly, my anger doesn't dampen my attraction to him. If anything, it only makes the pull stronger. Normally, I am impervious to the insults of my peers. Then again, most of the time, they choose to insult my looks and not my personality. I feel a strange desperation to move towards him despite his cold words just a minute ago. It's disconcerting, but suddenly, my train of thought jumps off the tracks, and I'm trying to think of a discreet way to study his face. That jaw looks like it could belong to a sculpture in a museum or a runway model. And those lips... I wonder what it would be like to kiss him. STOP IT! I shout at myself when I realize what I am actually considering. This guy is bad news! Good looks aren't everything. I repeat that mantra in my head several times and try my hardest not to allow my thoughts to drift to my neighbor throughout the rest of class.
The clock seems to move so slowly that I check my watch twice to ensure I haven't mixed up the days we have double periods on. Finally, the bell rings, and history class is over. River gracefully springs out of his seat, tells Gavin he'll see him around, and walks out of the class without so much as a backward glance at me.
"Nice talking to you too, jerk," I mumble, and Gavin laughs. "What?" I snap. Is he going to jump on the bandwagon and call me boring, too?
"Don't mind him, he can be a little moody sometimes," Gavin tells me and I realize I'm staring at River as he walks away.
"Yeah, just a little," I remark sarcastically, and Gavin laughs apologetically.
"Okay, he's a pain in the ass most days, but he's okay once you get to know him," Gavin assures me. The part of me that spent the last hour lusting after him wants to believe that. But my rational side isn't so convinced. Three strikes, he's walking on eggshells in my book.
"I don't think that's what he wanted," I say.
"Don't worry, most people here are more friendly than him," Gavin says, mistaking my disappointment for new girl social jitters. Good. I refuse to be just another girl who has the hots for the most unattainable guy in school. What a fucking cliche. We walk out of the classroom and down the hall. I start to go left, and so does Gavin.
"Where's your next class?" Gavin asks.
"Atwood Hall," I answer.
"Same," he says and offers to show me the way. Great, someone who can show me around. Maybe I can avoid the circus of running around like a madman after all. I accept and he opens the door of the building we're currently in. As we walk across the lawn towards Atwood, I'm struck again by the size and beauty of this place.
Gavin asks me a series of routine questions that people ask when politely trying to get to know someone. Where am I from? Do I have any siblings? What kind of movies and sports am I into? I answer them all and question him in return. I am careful to stay far away from the subject of my mother. As we talk more I decide that I like Gavin. He has a cute smile and friendly demeanor that immediately puts me at ease. Unlike a certain someone, he doesn't tease or ridicule me at all. He even adds me on Snapchat without my having to ask. I'm enjoying our conversation so much that I almost passed my second period classroom by mistake.
The rest of the day goes smoothly. At least socially. River isn't in my other classes. But luck is on my side and I end up having fourth and sixth period with Carly, and third with Jessica. And Beth, who is friendly enough. Weird. Maybe I imagined her passive aggressiveness towards me at the lake because I was nervous.
The teachers all give the same speech about how college applications are just around the corner and all of us should be taking the time to do our homework, keep our grades up and prepare for our "bright" futures. As I zone out of one of these speeches, to amuse myself, I contemplate bringing a bottle of water to all my classes tomorrow and drinking every time a teacher mentions college or gives a lecture "on what the future holds for Eastwood's finest." I bet it would be all gone before lunch time. This school is a pressure cooker. But I'm up for the challenge. I've always been booksmart and gotten good grades in school. I am not about to let my record slip now. So what if the workload here is more intense than it was back home? I'll just be more prepared for college.