(The chapter title is based off a Wynonna Judd song by the same name)
It was a long, tortuous week of trying to distract herself, but Kimmy got her journal back the following Monday. As soon as Mr. O'Reilly let her come in, she slowly made her way over. Before Kimmy pulled out her chair to sit down, she opened her journal and flipped to the dreaded page. Her heart raced with each page she turned, flipping back when she missed it.
There, at the top of the page, was the usual checkmark Mr. O'Reilly left to mark as complete.
Kimmy scanned the page for any other blue ink. Nothing. No comment. Just the checkmark. This should be enough, shouldn't it? She answered the journal prompt as intended. So why did Kimmy still feel defeated?
Mr. O'Reilly called over to get her attention. "I brought donuts this morning." He waved her over to have first pick.
Kimmy closed her notebook and timidly made her way over to Mr. O'Reilly's desk.
Mr.O'Reilly opened both boxes and offered her a napkin to hold the donut on. "Did you have a good weekend?"
Kimmy shrugged.
Her teacher just smiled.
Kimmy looked back at the two dozen donuts. After a minute of decision-making, she chose the Boston Cream, picking it up with the napkin like Mr. O'Reilly suggested, and took the donut back over to her desk. Before taking a bite, Kimmy wrote this morning's journal prompt first so she could eat while she brainstormed.
This time, the journal prompt was the usual "Did you do anything fun or exciting over the weekend" prompt Mr.O'Reilly seemed to ask at least once a month.
Kimmy thought about the past weekend. She still got to visit with Zach the day before. Only they took a break from the park and instead, grabbed a late lunch from a Sonic restaurant. Thankfully, it went better than the last visit, though Kimmy was on high alert guarding her food while Zach's foster dad fed him one bite at a time to make sure he didn't shove the whole burger into his mouth.
But so far, Kimmy hadn't wanted to share anything about her family with Mr. O'Reilly. As nice a guy he was, she didn't feel comfortable. Not yet, anyway.
Saturday, they met Mary and Miguel's family at a Christmas public event in Glendale. Both had planned it for the same weekend, so both parties were welcome to join the other.
Miguel introduced his cousins, who were close to his age, to Kimmy, while Mary introduced the older ones to Claudia. The entire family was friendly and welcoming.
Kimmy decided to write about the Christmas event they went to Saturday night for her journal prompt, explaining the activities they saw and did. She mostly watched the others have fun, though. There was a lot of Christmas music playing. Miguel and his cousins got pictures taken with a Santa-wannabe. Everyone could see that wasn't the real Santa. Why would he leave Mrs. Claus and the reindeer behind?
-- & --
Claudia ended up putting off her job search to spend as much time with Mary as possible.
"You don't have to do that you know," Mary said that afternoon while the kids grabbed their snack.
"I know," was all Claudia said.
Miguel also played with Kimmy as much as he could, as well.
Kimmy was in the family room after finishing her homework. No one else was in there, so she took the opportunity to see what video games they had on the shelf beside the entertainment center. There were games for the Wii and PS4. She ran her finger along the spines, occasionally pulling a game out to look the cases over and read the back. A game with a white wolf caught her attention when Miguel wandered in, asking if she wanted to play the Wii with him.
They didn't play the game with the wolf. Instead, Miguel taught Kimmy how to play Wii Sports. The game also made her realize and hope she didn't get the Switch game. Deep down, though she wouldn't admit it, a part of her was having fun when dinner was called.
Ariel and Oliver invited them over for dinner one evening during the week, including Mary and Miguel, keeping their word to have them over more. This time, Kimmy stood at the counter while she ate since more people were at the table this time.
"You can sit outside on the patio if you want?" Ariel motioned her head towards the back door.
Miguel joined Kimmy outside, as well, thinking that was a cool idea.
Oliver followed the kids to close the screen door, reminding Ben they needed to replace theirs. When they moved in, Ben and Kayla were told the previous homeowners had kids and dogs who destroyed the screen door over time.
While the adults talked, Claudia showed Mary how to shoot pool in the other room. This time, Kimmy had brought along her Switch. She sat in the same chair as before. Eventually, they rounded up the kids to play a board game together while Ariel served dessert. Kimmy stopped playing long enough to eat but went right back on her Switch. That is, until Miguel came over to insist she play with them.
She recognized the board game as a game Stephen had played with his friends on his vlog. So Kimmy was somewhat familiar when Ariel explained the game and helped her play while Kayla helped Miguel. They played for an hour and a half until it was just after Miguel's bedtime and called it a night.
December was mostly holiday-related activities. Kayla made their annual Christmas card. She used photos of the past year with all the kids they had, including the Christmas tree photo when the girls had time to freshen up. Kayla sent a card with Mary and Miguel, for Rosa and the rest of the family. Despite Dinah not agreeing with her son and daughter-in-law's choice to foster, Kayla also sent her and Herb a card. Ben caught a glimpse of the card hanging up in his dad's shop when he stopped by to ask him for his help with finally replacing the screen door sometime in the next couple of months.
With Mary and Miguel leaving soon, he figured it was as good a time as any to replace the screen door before they accepted any new kiddos.
-- & --
The last day of school for winter break was the sixteenth.
Mary and Kimmy at least got a half day. The half-day helped Mary, who had waited until the last minute to pack up all of her stuff. Ben didn't badger her about it this time. While she packed her stuff, he packed up Miguel's stuff for him.
The emotions were already hitting him as Ben emptied the dresser and closet, folding every shirt, pair of pants, and shorts. While they were preparing to be foster parents, their church and friends donated some suitcases to help get them started, knowing that was a huge need so the kids wouldn't have to resort to trash bags. They also stocked up on plastic bins from Target and kept them in the garage in case the kids needed extra storage. Ben also used them to pack a lot of Miguel's toys.
Kimmy stopped for a moment in the doorway. When Ben asked if she needed anything, she walked away. Considering they had become buddies, Ben wondered if she was having a hard time with the siblings leaving as well.
Under the circumstances, Mary and Miguel did not have to leave until Saturday morning. So, for that final evening, Kayla ordered their favorite food and had one last movie night, letting Miguel stay up a little longer past his bedtime. Originally, Kimmy declined to join them, but Miguel pleaded with her, wanting Kimmy there.
"You can watch those videos anytime," he pointed out. "We're leaving tomorrow."
Kimmy gave in and followed the boy downstairs.
Everything but the stuff the siblings would need for bedtime and in the morning were all packed by the time the food arrived. Both Mary and Miguel were thankful to be going home with their aunt. They were also both sad to be leaving Ben and Kayla's home. The siblings each snuggled with them during the movies.
The next morning, Ben made his oatmeal recipe Miguel loved the most, while Kayla made sure they had all of their things packed and in the jeep. Samson got hugs and pets good-bye before leaving.
On the drive to Rosa's house, Ben tried his best to lift everyone's spirits while keeping his own emotions at bay. He could feel that huge lump constantly getting stuck in the back of his throat, along with a heaviness in his chest. Being able to transport the kids home did not always happen. Nine times out of ten, the caseworker picked up the kids and their stuff. But with these special circumstances, Jennifer allowed Ben and Kayla to drop the siblings off and she would drop by some time the following week to check in. Despite going home to their aunt, there would still be a period when Jennifer had to check in to make sure everything was going well and that this was the best fit for the kids before the case would be closed permanently. There was sometimes a need for a kid to re-enter foster care, but it was looking like this would not be the case for Mary and Miguel.
An uncle of the kids came by and helped them unload the jeep and into Mary and Miguel's new rooms. Miguel would be sharing a room with Rosa's two young sons, getting a spare bed across from their bunk beds. Both cousins were excited to have them join their family. Ben thought Miguel would be excited to finally have other boys around all the time who were his age. In time, he will be.
Rosa offered them a container of Christmas cookies she made for Ben and Kayla, for taking great care of her niece and nephew. She had heard too many horror stories about what could happen in foster care and was relieved to see that wasn't the case. She also thanked them for the Christmas card, as well.
Out of earshot of the kids, Kayla told Rosa two of the Christmas presents they included were a scrapbook she had put together for Mary and Miguel, each, of the memories they made the past seven months. She had gone through the photos with them one evening, and gotten the idea so they would have a memento for all time's sake.
Then came the dreaded moment they all were loathing.
The tears came full blast when Ben forced himself to say they needed to go.
Miguel ran to Kayla first, who scooped him up in her arms. He had been the first young kid she had attached to and realized she could be a motherly figure after all. Miguel squeezed her neck and cried into her shoulder. He managed to choke out how much he loved her.
Mary joined them, wrapping her arms around Kayla's torso.
Tears were escaping from Kayla's eyes at this point as she tightly held onto the kids. Once they were ready, they let go and Kayla set Miguel down on his feet.
Claudia was the closest person whom Miguel ran to next. She lifted the boy and let him squeeze her neck. "I'll miss ya, squirt," she admitted. Claudia was also the only one, besides Kimmy, who wasn't crying.
Claudia set him down so Mary could hug her best friend, good-bye, in their own, unique way. Which included calling each other names and laughing about it.
Miguel hugged Kimmy before dashing over to Ben, last.
Ben scooped the boy into his arms. He could feel his face warm up and that lump in his throat grow larger.
"I love you, Tio," Hearing Miguel say that made things hard for him.
Ben choked. "Love you too, buddy." He reassured both Miguel and himself they would see each other again and that he could call them anytime once they were settled in, wanting to hear all about gymnastics class.
With that, Ben kissed him on the side of his head and set Miguel on his feet so Mary could hug him, good-bye.
As soon as he turned around, Mary ambushed him and clung on tightly.
He wrapped his arm around her head and held a kiss to it, reminding her to stay focused on her schoolwork. It was cheesy and weird, but it was all Ben could think of.
Mary sniffed in. "Thank you, Ben."
Ben shook his head, not sure what she was thanking him for. "For what?"
She sniffed in some more. "Everything." Mary squeezed him even tighter around the waist. Neither one of them could explain the multitude of that thank-you, and possibly never will.
Any sane person would see this and wonder how anyone could put themselves through something painful such as this. To get attached to a kid for who knows how long, providing them with a safe place, food to eat, and a roof over their head. Plus, all the love one could give. Then, to let that kid go and hope it's for the best. That, they will be okay.
Ben could his chest tighten in knots as he held onto Mary as he tried to hold back the tears. He hadn't felt this emotional since the day he found out Hector was gone.
Soon, something wet slipped down the side of his face as he heard Kayla's voice tell him to let it go. It wasn't her, though. The voice came from inside his head from that day in the garage.
Ben didn't completely surrender. He allowed a few tears to fall.
The hardest part was actually letting go. It was Mary who released the hug and stepped back. Good thing too because Ben didn't think he had the strength.
They exchanged several last good-byes as Ben followed the girls outside where they parked.
Kayla wrapped a comforting arm around him. Thinking she needed the support, Ben pulled her in to reassure her. "I'm doing fine enough, hun," she admitted and told him she thought he could use the support.
Ben instantly squeezed her tighter when Kayla said that, and not just because he needed the support either.
It was a good thing Kayla had driven.
-- & --
Kimmy still climbed into the back seat.
She could see Ben struggling with the good-bye the most out of all of them. Though, she didn't think much of it at first. Seeing the empty booster seat next to her and knowing Miguel would never sit there again, brought some feelings Kimmy was not expecting.
The kid was annoying and constantly pointed out things nobody wanted to hear, such as rules and reminders. He was also the only kid who did not give up on her and helped Kimmy feel part of the family. She still had Claudia, but even she didn't play with her like Miguel did.
A lump formed in her throat and Kimmy felt her eyes water as she thought about Miguel no longer coming to her room to pester her to play with him or join in some kind of activity.
Once the jeep moved, Ben spoke up.
"Claudia, Kimmy." He paused as if he noticed Kimmy was crying too. He continued, though. "If either of you want your own room, now is your chance before we take another kid." Ben assured they didn't have to decide right then and there since it would be a while before he and Kayla accepted another placement. It was Kayla's idea to give them all, time to grieve. Not just for themselves, but for the ones to come.
"I'm good," was all Claudia said, not needing to move.
Ben looked at her as if surprised. "Okay." He then looked back at Kimmy to see if having her own room was something she'd want.
Having always shared a room with Zach, Kimmy never knew what that would be like. The thought of having more kids move in scared her enough to think sticking with Claudia was better. Even if she was in her own room.
Eventually, Kimmy shook her head.
His eyebrows rose. "You both like sharing a room that much?" he asked both girls.
Claudia gave her usual "I don't care," while Kimmy shrugged.
"Well, you have a few weeks to change your mind." That meant they were open for boys and girls. They wouldn't be as young as Miguel. That was a special circumstance. The youngest they would have next would be closer to Kimmy's age.
He turned back around in his seat and adjusted the volume per Claudia's request.
A woman was singing a song about how it was never easy saying good-bye. What a song to come on the radio. Kimmy had never thought about it before. Sure, her family moved a few times and she had to switch schools. She never wanted to say good-bye to anyone, not even a teacher. Then she had to "say" it to her dad when he left, then to her mom and brother, and now Kimmy had to say it again. To someone she didn't think she would have to or cared to.
That lump returned when the woman said it was okay to cry. Soon, a tear drifted down Kimmy's cheek.
She eventually heard Ben and Kayla scold Claudia as she undid her seat belt and moved to the back seat next to Kimmy.
Telling them "not to get their panties twisted," she fastened the middle seat belt before nudging Kimmy towards her, rubbing a hand along her upper arm.
Kimmy held her head against the teen as she silently cried.