[#] WARNING MENTION OF RAPE !! if you aren't comfortable please skip the chapter !!
·★·°♪°·★·
·★·°♪°·★·
" The rape
Will tear
You in half,
But it will
Not end you. "
- From Milk and Honey
·★·°♪°·★·
December 15th, 2020
10:51 pm
Vittorias POV
·★·°♪°·★·
I WALK WATCHING THE GREY CLOUDS OF EXHALE from my haggard breathing mixed with the coldness of the air.
Walking at night alone is something I've been taken to as of lately, well obviously not completely alone as one of my bodyguards are following me a couple meters back, but you get it, pretty much alone.
Looking down I watch as my black heeled boots make indents in the snow with each step I take, watching in concentration as I try to make perfect footsteps in the ankle deep snow.
Soon turning into a couple minutes of walking with my head down, I end up on one of the main streets in Augsburg which just so happens to be where at least 5 different night clubs are located. Yay lucky me.
I scoff at my own thoughts, watching again as puffs of little clouds flutter out of my mouth, before turning and walking down a quieter street, one that doesn't have blasting music almost shaking the ground.
I continue my ritual of making perfect footprints before my concentration is interrupted by a very feminine sounding scream.
" HELP, S-SOMEBODY HELP M-ME" the same feminine voice screams urgently.
Quickly turning around, I meet the eyes of my bodyguards and knudge my head in the direction of the pleadings and screams.
I wince at hearing someone no doubt male, curse and tell her to shut up as she is nothing but a little 'slut'.
I watch as my bodyguard walks in the direction with me soon following from a distance, both of us walking in caution towards the screams.
We turn a right corner and come to the sight of the back of one of the many night clubs and what seems to be an incredibly drunk man, trying to force himself onto a young looking girl.
She looking young enough to not be allowed in a night club even.
My bodyguard quickly rushes in and drags the extremely drunk man off of the girl and starts holding him, putting his arms behind his back. I rush over and kneel down infront of the petit girl.
"Hey Hey hey, it's al-" the girl, at hearing my voice immediately looks up and throws herself into my arms, the sounds of her sobs being muffled by my think fur coat.
Gently running my fingers through her cold hair whispering sweet nothings into her ear, just holding onto her as she lets out all of her tears.
Looking up at my bodyguard I see him holding a now past out man and whisper for him to get the man out of here, and he leaves with the notion of me not leaving until he returns.
I stop running my fingers through the girls hair as she slowly retreats from the warmth of my arms, gently grabbing her hands I stand up to my full 5'7 height and pull the girl up with me.
" Are you alright sweetie" i ask,my thick Italian accent showing my worried tone.
I furrow my eyebrows, as my eyes show understanding as the girl slowly nods her head, lifting her hand to whipe her almost frozen tears from her face.
I sigh, the coldness of the air becoming apparent when my cold breath make the young girls eyelashes flutter and I watch her shiver.
" Let's get out of hear darling, are you okay with me taking you home?"
My heart breaks as she answers with a simple forced out 'okay', I nod slowly before holding her cold hand in my warm one and walking over to my bodyguard who just came back from removing 'that thing'.
On our way to my car I get a couple words out of the girl, all of them being short answers but answers none the less. Finding out that her name was Lianna Merthe and only 17 years old.
We arrive at a white house that seems to stand out against the others with its cheerful appearance and as the car stops I look over at Liana, she almost as if sensing my eyes on her look over and nods seeing the question in my eyes. ' are you okay?'.
I slowly open the door and holded it open for Lianna to get out, giving her my hand so she doesn't fall in the deep snow.
" You sure you're going to be alright sweetie?"
I whispered gently while looking down into her still tear barren eyes.
She gulped before responding, " y-yes, I also want to thank you. I-if you d-didnt find me.." I instantly brought her into a hug as I saw her bottom lip start to tremble while her voice broke and starting rubbing my hand over her back in a calming motion.
" It's okay, it's okay" I mutter into the softness of her hair, my head resting on hers. "Try not to think about it darling, it's alright"
I pull back looking into her eyes and state in a reassuring tone," that man will never touch you, alright? He didn't and that's what matters, don't think about what ifs, those will get you no where in life. No where in situations like the one you found yourself in, live in what happened and what happened only."
Lianna nods along to my words before giving me a close lipped smile, " thanks you Vittoria" she muttered out in a quiet tone.
I smiled back and watched, standing at my car door as she disappears past the view of her house and into the warm looking embrace it gave.
I sigh before getting back in the dark colored vehicle and nodding to my driver, before watching the scenery as we pass by all the different neighborhoods, replaying the memory of tonight in my head.
·★·°♪°·★·
Laying in the softness of my bed after being in the coldness of Germany was probably one of the best feelings in the world.
I stare at the snow on the outside of my window before my eyes start to droop with my mind drifting off into my slumber.
·★·°♪°·★·
(Italics= past/dream??)
Victoria's POV
May 30th, 2013
·★·°♪°·★·
Walking through the door of my apartment after a long day at the set of 'sam and Cat' , I was greeted to the sight of my boyfriend; Austin, sitting on the couch watching football.
"Hey Austin" I mutter tiredly as I drift around the living room, picking up different pieces of trash that I must've not noticed in the morning on my rush to get to set.
All I got in return was a grunt from him, so I turned around and saw him with his legs spread out and watching the TV intently. Sighing I went into the kitchen, throwing out the many pieces of garbage and grabbing a glass of water.
Leaning against the counter I watch as my boyfriend watches the TV. Before drifting into my mind... Over the past four weeks, almost a month, Austin has been getting more... Aggressive? Yeah yeah, Aggressive.
I don't know what is going on, I though we were happy? Or at least I was happy, I'm not sure if he is or was rather. If he isn't watching some different sport on the TV he is never home and when he is home watching TV he always is snappy with me.
Maybe I did something wrong for him to treat me this way?
Am I not making him happy enough?
I mean he accidentally hit me on the cheek yesterday when he was walking past me, it was an accident.
Yeah, that's what it was.
I get brought out of my thoughts abruptly when I hear Austin yell my name.
" Y-yes Austin?
" I was just asking you a question, fucking repeat it for me. Or am I just not important enough to be in your thoughts? Huh that's it isn't it, your so successful because your an 'up coming actor', you don't have time for me anymore do you V?" I flinch again as he yelled out making tears flash through my eyes, blurring my vision before I blink them down.
" N-no, No. Not at all, I would never think that I am better than you just because I'm an actor Austin, is everything okay?" I practically whisper as I slowly walk closer to his now standing figure.
I slowly come to be right infront of him, as his figure looks over me, I gulp weirdly feeling fear. ' why am I being scared of Austin, he would never hurt me, at least not on purpose'.
I shake my thoughts and look up and my eyes start looking around at Austin's face, looking at his sharp jawline and cheekbones, or the way his deep blue eyes seemed to sparkle with emotion or the way that his sandy blonde hair always seemed to be messy but look cute? While looking into his features i somehow missing the anger placed in his eyes.
Smack!
I land awkwardly on my wrist as I'm suddenly right up against the floor. I slowly start to feel redness heat my left cheek, and my eyes widen with my mouth slowly opening as I let out a whimper.
He hit me!
After all I've done for him, h-he hit me.
Before I can do or say anything I hear something hit the floor, almost a soft sound of some sort.
Looking to where I was standing before, but where my feet are laying I see Austin's feet and looking what is around his ankles, causing my eyes widen more.
The sound was his pants. His pants hitting the floor.
Slowly letting my eyes draw up his tall, muscular figure, I see he is almost completely naked except for his boxers that show the very evident bulge the he bears.
I gulp as I watch him lick his lips and leaning down to oddly enough touch my face gently.
" Sorry baby, I don't know what happened to me. You know how I am right? Don't ever think before I act, you wouldn't mind if we uh. Had some ... Fun! Yeah lots and lots of fun" I watch his lips move while he talks before getting a weird sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach.
Maybe he isn't sorry, this is the 2nd time hes hit me this week.
He will be okay if I don't want to have.. fun. I mean I've never actually done.. it.
"U-uhm Austin, I don't k-know if I'm comfortable with having.. fun." I speak but it comes out in more of a whimper.
I look up to see his reaction to see anger shining clearly in his eyes, his jaw clenched and mouth in a straight line.
Gulping I wait for him to speak, but he says nothing.
We sit in silence with me on the ground and him kneeling over top of me for probably minutes before he finally moves from our mini staring contest.
Except he doesn't move in the way I thought he would, I thought he was getting off of me. Not.. this.
I shriek as I feel his firm grib on the middle of my back, his gently touch no longer apparent as well as the kind look in his eyes.
This wasn't Austin.
Who is Austin?
"N-no no no no no no Austin I'm not comfortable with doing this!" I exclaim in a higher pitched voice, he looks up from where his eyes were on the bottom of my shirt.
" Can't you see? I don't care if you're comfortable or not, we are doing this as it is what I want, why would I care if you were comfortable or not?" He grumbles out as he rolls his hips in obvious discomfort from his hard member.
I start to kick and try to escape from underneath his hold but he was to strong.
He pins both my arms down above my head with his left hand, before he starts to take of my shirt.
I whimper and let out sobs as I watch helplessly as he slowly takes of my shirt. I look into his eyes, seeing his looking back in mine. He has a weird look that is hard to interpret.
But I do, no matter how hard it was.
He is enjoying this.
Enjoying seeing me struggle.
Seeing me uncomfortable under him as if I'm just some.. some toy!
He smirks at my horror stricken face and slowly puts his right hand on my now bare stomach and slides his hand down into the waistband of my pants.
I am once again forced to watch as he slowly slides my pants down before he uses his right hand to hook my left leg onto his hip.
Laying under his firm unyielding hold, I watch as his eyes ravish in the look of my figure with only a bra and panties on.
I feel his hips roll, my left leg following the movement, he makes a growl like sound from the bottom of his throat before moving his hand from my leg and sliding it up to the middle of my back.
I move my left leg slightly from his hips only to flinch, being earned with a hard smack to the middle of my back. I put my leg back where he put it and keep it there as I feel his hand slowly go higher and higher until he reached the clasp of my bra.
Gulping as I feel his fingers fiddle with the clasp, until he finally undoes it. I expected him to look at me, but no he doesn't. Instead he moves his right hand back to the waistband of my panties and doesn't even slide them down.
He rips them off.
Impatiently he reached to the side of my head, where his clothes were now located, into his sweatshirt pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag.
My eyes widen unconsciously as he opens it and slides his boxers down only to slide the condom on his already extremely hard member.
With no warning, he slams into me making me shriek with tears starting to pour down my face.
I sigh in relief when he pulls out only to let out a loud sob when I realise he slammed harder into me.
I let out loud sobs every time he slams and slams into me at an extremely fast pace.
Not even saying a word, at least not yet he didn't.
" Shut the fuck up you slut, be quite and let me treat you like the whore you are" he whispered while biting down on the lobe of my ear, making me hesitantly nod before the only thing left to hear was the slick smacking sounds of him pounding into me and soft whimpers and silent sobs.
........
·★·°♪°·★·
I sit up straight as I gasp for breath, the after affects of dreaming of him.
Silently gasping, I slowly come back into control of my breathing before leaning my body back up against my head board.
'seeing Lianna's situation today probably brought the memories back' I think before sighing at the thought of my ex.
Years ago when It was almost the end of filming Sam and Cat' I was about 4 months into dating my boyfriend; Austin Lane.
The thing is no one knew about our relationship as he didn't want anyone too. Apparently his parents were 'strict', well spoiler alert they weren't.
He played with me for months.
By the 3rd month of us dating i thought that we were happy, well it was only me.
He just was with me because of a dare made by his friends to see who could play with someone the fastest.
That was the real reason he didn't want anyone to know about our relationship, because I was a joke to him.
And there I was thinking I was in love, of all things. It's funny actually thinking of it.
I release a deep sigh before going downstairs to get an ice cold glass of water before sitting down on the equally cold marble countertops of my kitchen.
I sit in silence every now and then taking a sip, with not a single thought going through my head. Until I do.
' even with everything that Austin put me threw, and how much I hate him, I think I am finally clean. Clean without feeling his hands all over me everytime I wake up, of the dreams of him touching me.'
With that I went up to my music room being greeted with a view of my pond in the darkness, being covered in ice, surrounded by snow.
While the snow was calming, my thoughts were anything but.
I was going to do something I hadn't thought of doing, not since I even thought of him, which was years ago, until now.
I was going to write songs about how I was sexually assaulted.
I was going to think about him.
Something that I swore to never do ever since the morning after he did it to me, gone was the traces that he ever lived there.
But I know that in order to truly, truly heal I have to do this. I have to think about him.
But it will be worth it, putting my emotions into words with beautifully formed melodies, no matter how dark the lyrics would be.
How dark the lyrics are going to be.
I think I am finally going to be clean.
·★·°♪°·★·
*cordelia speaks ! *
[#] this was an incredibly long chapter but I think it kinda needed to be to show the trauma of sexual assault.
[#] I left probably a dozen easter eggs in there but idk 🤷 I guess we will have to see
[#] I do not have a face cast for Austin as I don't really care about him, he is just an asswhole so really don't have any thoughts about who he truly is as a person not just a dick so yeah 😝
[#] hope you all enjoyed nevertheless !!!