Loona and I are sitting next to each other on playing on our phones in the meeting room not paying attention. While Blitzo starts talking. "Okay I know business has been.... A bit slow lately ... And it's no one's fault okay I'm not naming any names here (he looks at Moxxie )... Moxxie. I look up from my phone laughing a little as Moxxie looks offend. "Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?" Blitzo ask us. Millies eyes light up as she gets an idea. "What about a car wash she says excitedly. I look up at her. "This is hell Millie no one cares about cars being clean here." I say rolling my eyes. Going back to scrolling on my phone. Blitzo thinks for a sec.
"ohhh what about a billboard." He says I look up from my phone at him "that's not a bad idea." I say to him. Moxxie rolls his eyes "we can't afford a billboard sir" he tells him. Blitzo wraps his arm over Moxxie's shoulder "Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now." I smirk trying not to laugh. He pushes Moxxie away. "Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?"
Blitzo turns on a TV that shows us brutally murdering people that we are paid to do.
(*time skips*)
Blitzo eating popcorn in front of the TV smiling. I steal some popcorn from his bowl. "Ahh, those were the good times." He says I nodded in agreement smiling. "I don't need any reminding, sir. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel... nobody watches." Moxxie reminds him.
Blitzo looks at him pretending to be offended. "Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!"
I look up at him and smile "people love musicals." I tell him putting my phone away in my back pocket. Blitzo smiles back at me "Exactly, Bella! And we're basically doin' a musical. He does jazz hands. I look at him shaking my head from embarrassment. " Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?" He asks Moxxie pretending to be hurt I look over at Moxxie smirking joining in on the fun of teasing him.
"Wow Mox why are you crushing on my dad's dreams like that" I rolling my eyes pretending to be disappointed in him. Moxxie trys to speak "guys...."
"Cause, right now? All I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside." Blitzo teasing him pretending to be hurt. Mille giggles and joins in. "Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie?" She teases him. He looks at her confused. "What?" He asked her. Mille smiles and flirts with her husband "I thought I knew you." She sticks her tongue out at him in a playful way. I smile at them and their love for each other I can't help it they are so cute together.
"I can't believe you, Moxxie" blitzo looks at him pretending to be hurt. He tearfully holds up an employee of the month plaque with Moxxie's picture on it. "After I made you employee of the month!"
Moxxie looks at him knowing he been defended "Okay, sir! I'm sorry; a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!" Mille looks at him. "I liked it." She tells him. "So did I" I agreed."Do not-- *points at Millie* Do not agree with him in front of me!" Moxxie says to Millie offend. I smile at them.
*Time skips * (watch the video for the jingle)
back in the meeting room.
"I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple." Moxxie says looking at Loona. Loona not even looking up from her phone. " Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie." "YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-- DO YOUR JOB!!" I look at them both confused yes Loona isn't the best at her job but she never wanted to work here in the first place. "Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?!" Blitzo says as he Hugs and nuzzles Loona who snarls at him in response "She didn't do anything wrooooong" I look at them sigh and shake my head. I still don't Like sharing Blitzo with her but I don't really have a choice. She ain't going away anytime soon might as well make the best of it. "Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful! Bella is fine but Loona is different."
* flashback of Loona at her desk and the phone rings. *
she answers "hello imp." Moxxie on the phone "Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox--Loona suddenly hangs up, disinterested in the conversation.
Next, she is in Blitzo's office with Bella who is sitting on blitzo chair as he presents Loona with a gift. Blitzo smiles "Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie! I got you a little somethin'." she looks at him "Is it a cure for syphilis? " I... Oh..." he says. she snatches the present and angrily slams it on the floor. "THEN, I DON'T WANT IT!" I get really angry at her for how she treated him I get up and scream in her face back "HEY HE JUST TRYING TO BE NICE WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!"A large swarm of spiders suddenly emerge from the present box and swarm Loona up to her neck. " I look at blitzo confused. "ugghh" Loona says angrily. I look around for blitzo find him hiding outside the office window" I'm sorry it was spiders." I roll my eyes and walk away from Loona walking out the door slamming it angrily.
*time skips to another flashblack*
Loona is then shown at her desk, watching an online video. (we all know she watching Charlie)
Moxxie approaches her with a flyer for "Chub B Gone". "Um, e- excuse me. Did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?" He ask her Loona not even looking up from her phone ".No." she response. "Wha-- Why- Why would anyone send me this?" he ask her " C'mon... *looks up at Moxxie* You know why."
*time skips another flashback*
Loona rummaging through the break room fridge. "Whoever left the fucking... avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now!"Loona turns around to face Millie with a red box in hand as she shuts the fridge door with her foot. She rips off the lid and drinks the salad. Im eating my lunch while reading a book. Not looking up from my book. " I warned you not to drink on a work night?" I tell her. she stops drinking looks up at me "I'm hungover from this morning, dumbass!" I glare at her before going back to my book. Moxxie enters the room and notices Loona with his box. "Isn't that my lunch?" he ask her. she drops the box on the floor " Y'know what?! I can't take this assault right now! I need to blow off some- She kicks the box at Moxxie, knocking him out of the room and surprising Millie I warned Loona last night and this morning not to drink and she didn't listen that's her own fault -fucking steam!" Loona runs out of the break room and out into the street.I just go back to eating my lunch and continue reading.
*time skips*
"Bliiiitzo! That clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little DTF-y." Loona tells blitzo form her desk.
Blitzo and moxxie and I are standing by the water cooler.
He throws his cup of water on the floor "Oh, GOD, it was one time! *Crosses arms* If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world Moxxie and I stares in stunned silence"...You what?" Moxxie says "I didn't need to know this." I say disgusted by the thought of it. He ignores us and answers the phone.
"Sooooo, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?" he says. "There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!" Stolas tells him . Doesn't it? Blitzo ask. "Well... yes. But more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here" Stolas flirts with him " Okay, well. Yeah, that makes sense." " You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?" stolas continues to flirt Blitzo pulls his phone away and talks to himself. "God-fuckin'-dammit." he says under his breath. "When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red {bleeped) of yours... {bleeped) your {bleeped) and lick all of your (bleeped), before taking out your (bleeped), and (bleeped) with more teeth until you're screaming (bleeped) like a FUCKING baby--!" I hear this over the phone "what the fuck is that birds problem?" I ask no one in particular. Blitzo hangs up, a knock out noise plays. He snaps his cellphone in half, smashes it with his desk phone, tosses said desk phone away, pulls out a blender, puts the cellphone pieces in it, and blends them. Blitzo turns and hands the blender to Loona, who was standing nearby. "eat this ." she drinks it. "And then y'know that bridge over the freeway?" he asked her "Yeah? Loona answers raises her eyebrow as she says it. " Shit off it!"
*Flashback ends and were back in the Meeting room Blitzo standing next to me and Loona*
"Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family just Like Bella, and we don't get rid of family." Loona and I both smile at this. "We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!" I look at him offend at this even though it was to Loona he knows I was living on the streets as a kid and Loona and I both flip him off. "That is offensive! to both Bella and homeless people, without homeless people,Blitzo walks over to window and raises blinds I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life!" I laugh. he waves at a homeless man on the street and closes the blinds. "While we're on the subject of he makes air quotes with his hands "family", can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?" Moxxie says to him. "Come on, sweetie! It's not that big a deal. Millie tells him " Excuse me... he looks at Millie WHAT?!"
*Time skips to after the flashbacks *
"Just... stop... doing that!" Moxxie screams at him Blitzo*shrugs*" I don't see what the issue is! There somethin' you don't want me seein'?" Moxxies*eye twitches in anger*" No!" He says angerly. Loona and I both giggle at this smiling at each other. "You a baby-wiener-haver?" Blitzo teasing him. "Sir, what you say and how you act is totally *stands up from his chair* INAPPROPRIATE!" Moxxie tells him. Millie Lays her hand on Moxxie's shoulder "Calm down, Mox! You're gonna have another panic attack!"" I AM CALM!" Moxxie screams whimpering in anger while looking back at Blitzo. while milllie comforts Moxxie "Shh-shh-shh. There, there." "Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff *motions his hands to imply sexual activity* you do outside work hours. So, don't... judge me!" blitzo says to Moxxie. "Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot, actually!" Moxxie says to him ." Mox, he's our boss!" Millie warns him." No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive?" blitzo pauses for a moment smiling smugly. "..retarded." I laugh. "Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life?" Moxxie says back to him Blitzo leans towards Moxxie. " It actually does." "The only reason you have a wife loona says looks away from her phone to glare at Moxxie. is because you're easy to manage!" Millie slams her hands against the table, looking at Loona with anger. " No, he's not, you *deeper tone* BITCH! "she flips Loona off. Loona growls at Millie" Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!" Blitzo stands up for Loona. Loona snaps at Millie "Yes, I am!" "You guys are all fucking assholes." our eye all widen in surprise. we look at Eddie, the boy Moxxie accidentally shot earlier. Eddie is lying on a table with three wires from a heart monitor attached to his stomach. "Oh, shut up, kid! You're lucky to witness this!" Blitzo tells him "Yeah I can kill you right now." I say giving the kid a shitty look. Moxxie pinches bridge of his nose" Ugh, this company is such a mess!" He says. "Alright, let's get back to talking about my outfit." blitzo says. I look up at him "Nobody was talking about that." I say looking at him confused. "Which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right?" I roll my eyes shaking my head. the kid points at Blitzo" It's been a literal hell... He detaches the tubes of the heart monitor. Having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But now I want that. I want death!" He once again points at Blitzo. "You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones!" okay now I really want to kill this kid. "Hey, now! That's not very--" Moxxie trys to say the kid interrupts Moxxie, intimidating him. "If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit." Millie slams her hand on the table, the other gesturing at Moxxie." That's my husband you're talkin' to!" The kid Laughs. "Thats your husband" Moxxie and Millie snarl at him. " I figured you for a slut. But I didn't know you needed dick that bad!" " Okay I'm going to kill this fucking kid! I scream trying to get to him blitzo holding me back. " You! " He points at me. "Your just another fucked up version of him." he points at Blitzo. I glare at him trying to get out of Blitzos grip. " shut the fuck up kid!" I say glaring at him. He points at Loona "And you!" " What?" Loona says looking up from her phone." What about me?" " Nothing." he crosses arms 'I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person." Loona gives a wide-eyed glare, whines at Eddie with anger, and goes back to looking at her phone. "Wow. Ah, y'know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit." Blitzo says. we all agreed*softly* "Yeah. He's kind of a piece of shit." we all say. Loona's eyes widen as she receives a text message. "Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all." Loona says to all of us I look at the kid smirking. "Who?" Blitzo ask Loona. Loona points at the kid" Him." He looks at her in disbelief. "Me? " Loona smugly, without looking up " Yup." I look at her. "They want us to kill an actual child?" I ask her. "That's what they're sayin'." "...Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God." blitzo says as I draw a flintlock pistol and firing it at him, killing him instantly. smiling. OWWWW! he says crashing into the wall as he gets shot, covers a spot with blood as he says this, landing on the table while his eyes turn to Xs . I smile Proud of my self.
*Time skips *
Eddie's mother tearfully holding up a bad drawing of her son. A male news reporter holds a microphone up to her, looking disinterested. The headline on screen says, "Mom sucks at drawing own kid", while the ticker bar constantly reads "There is a missing boy! Yet another missing kid!" Eddies mom *sobbing* "Please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at-- Eddie's bloody body bag suddenly falls into her arms. *terrified* OHHH!"
Eddie's mother and the news reporter look up in shock as the camera follows their gaze. Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie and Bella are shown looking down on them through a portal. Blitzo smiles and waves* You're welcome! "He says as we disappear in the portal as it closes.
A/N: one episode complete! I hope you guys enjoyed. the first episode I have been wanting to do a Helluva boss fanfic for a while i hope you guys liked it let me know what you think in the comments till next time see you guys later!