"I don't want you to go." Leah wrapped her arms around me even tighter than they were before.
"I'll only be gone an hour." I laughed, squeezing the back of her neck as we held onto each other. I ran my fingers through her hair. "I love you."
"I love you too." She kissed my forehead, letting me go. "I'll take good care of our boy." I had noticed she'd been doing that lately.
"You always do." Leah carefully picked him up. "He'll be able to go home soon, Le. He's doing so good." I touched his small hand, watching has he wrapped it around my finger.
"I'm excited for him to be home and meet everybody." I watched her eyes sparkle while looking at him. "Your aunties are going to spoil you."
"They will." I leaned down and kissed his head. "I have to go. I can't be late. Call me if something comes up or the doctors come in?"
"I will. We'll be perfectly fine, won't we, little guy?" I smiled. "Say goodbye to Mummy."
"Okay, you're making it hard for me to go."
"Well, we don't want you to go, but go now before I never let you go."
"Fine, fine." I kissed her softly. "I love you."
"I love you too."
I made my way out. I didn't want to go, but I had this therapy appointment for a month and kept rescheduling because I was too afraid to go, but now I had to. I wanted to.
The drive was quick and easy. The office space that the company used was close to the hospital we'd been in for almost a month now.
I walked into the building and to the front desk. There was a lady sitting there, who looked up and gave me a small smile.
"Hi, do you have an appointment?"
"I do, yes. Emily Williamson. 12:30."
"We'll have someone with you shortly."
"Thank you."
I didn't want to relive what had happened a few months ago, but Leah was right. Talking about it with a professional might be the best thing for me.
A lot of the reason was that, yes, I wanted to heal, but I missed my wife. She'd never once since that day, tried to be intimate with me past what I wasn't comfortable with.
A few weeks before Archie was born, we found ourselves on the couch with my hand in her shirt and her hands on my waist. I moved down her neck then I froze the second her fingers dipped into my shorts. We spent the rest of that night watching a movie and not talking about what had happened.
After a couple minutes of waiting, I was taken into a small office. The therapist shut the door and told me to have a seat wherever I liked. I opted for the couch and picked up a pillow to hold onto.
"Hi, I'n Jane. How are you doing today?"
"I'm actually doing well. You?"
"Good, good. I'm doing just fine. So, when you filled out the form, I read that you were pregnant. I assume you've had your baby then?"
"Yeah," I smiled. "A few weeks ago. Archie's spending his last few days in the hospital."
"He's doing well?"
"So much better. He was born prematurely with a few little health issues, but he's really made a turn around."
"That's always good to hear. So, tell me why you wanted to talk to someone."
"Well," I looked down at the pillow in my lap. "about a year ago, I started getting these texts from a number I hadn't recognized, and it was creepy. They sent pictures of me and Leah while we were out. I got some threats and such, but I never went to the police."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I wish I had. But a few months ago, Leah and I got into an argument, and she walked out, and I let her. She needed space and I will always respect it because she'll always come home. I'll always go home. I was angry though and told her not to come back and she didn't. But she came in the morning, we spent time together, had another argument, she had a game, and then spent the evening at her mom's. That night though, the person who had been sending me things came to the house and um...forced himself on me."
"Did you know this person?"
"I knew of him, but I didn't really know him. I went to high school with him and never had much interaction with him. He followed me to college, but I didn't even know he was there."
"Have you talked to the police?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "They're trying to find him. Leah and I moved closer to her family's home and into a safer area."
"So, tell me why you decided to come here."
"I miss being able to do things with my wife without having to stop or feeling scared. I don't want to go out in public with just Archie and have something happen."
"What are you afraid to do with Leah?"
"Be intimate."
"Have you talked to her about it?" I shook my head. "Why not?"
"Because she never pushes me. When I stop, she stops. She'll just hug me and move on."
"Have you thought about building?"
"How?"
"Just do little things. Maybe one day it's one step, then the next time you're in that position, go a step farther. It doesn't have to be a big step, it can be little. A step that may be small to me, will be big for you." I nodded, taking it in. "Have you and Leah spent a night at home since your son was born?"
I sighed a small sigh. "No."
"You two need a chance to talk about this, don't you think?"
"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea."
I spent another half hour there before heading back to the hospital. I walked in on Leah holding our boy and softly talking to him. When the door shut, she looked up.
"Look who's back." She smiled.
"Hi." I went and sat next to her. "I missed you." I kissed her cheek.
"I missed you too."
"How was he?"
"Perfect. He ate and now he's sound asleep." She got up and took him to his little bassinet.
"Good." Once she sat back down, I scooted closer to her.
"How was therapy?"
"I think it went well." I took a breath. "Le?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm afraid to be intimate again."
"I know." I felt her lips on my head. "I won't push you into sex, Em."
"And I love you for that, but I want to do all the things we used to do."
"How do you want to go about that?"
"If we find ourselves in a situation that maybe we just go farther every time or until I'm...okay."
"Well, I'll do whatever you need, Emily. I want you to be happy." I looked up at my wife and kissed her. "What do you think about staying home tonight?"
"But Archie will be coming home soon."
"Yeah, but I miss spending time with you in our own home. Our own bed. I miss cuddling you and making you dinners. I think it might be a good thing. Plus, we'll need the rest before we do bring Archie home." I looked up at her, into her eyes for reassurance. "Maybe I can ask Mum to stay with him tonight. Will that make you feel more at ease?"
"It would, yeah."
"Then I'll give her a call." I let my eyes fall onto our son, who was sound asleep, all snug. "People are going to wonder why Leah Williamson always has a baby on her now."
"Do you want to make a post on social media about it then? I'll support you in whatever way you want to go about this, Le."
"I don't know how we kept it all so hidden for so long. Dating, marriage, a baby."
"We kept it hidden so well because we loved each other in our safe places. Home, work, around friends and family. And even on the dates where we went out, you rented the entire restaurant."
"Well, I don't want to love you in secret. I can't spend half my life loving you and the other half of my life hiding you."
I felt her move around until her phone was in front of us.
"That should've been in your wedding vows, babe."
"I don't want us to be hidden anymore."
"Then we won't."
I watched as she scrolled through her camera roll until she landed on a photo of us during our wedding and a photo of Archie's small hand and wristband. She put it on Instagram with a short caption that summed up everything good in our life.
Our life together isn't so hidden anymore.
~~~~
AN: I'm not dead, I swear. I'm a busy person.
Also, that little caption is actually so shit but deal with it
Leave any ideas!
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