*Nine years later*
The room was silent while I watched the snowflakes dancing gracefully carried by the wind. Looking outside on the so close, yet so far away land of snow from the cracked, tiny window that allowed small amounts of cool air inside of the room, was rather boring, but calming activity. It allowed the mind to let its imagination run wild and gain momentary freedom. I could get lost in the memories of the past that felt so distanced.
I couldn't remember most of the things as my mind was covered with an invisible fog caused by a massive amount of drugs my body was forced to accept. Now I could hardly see the faces of my family members, at least that's what I tried to convince to myself while in fact, I didn't remember them at all. It was like my past life never existed in the first place. Only a scraps of memories left as if the reminder of my true existence. Such nostalgia came up to me because today was the day that I turned nineteen. The cursed age that I couldn't surpass the last time. I was happy that I lived for so long, but I was also aware that I wouldn't have much more time to spend. Maybe this time around, the age of nineteen would also be the end of mine...
Dearan's experiments were cruel and painful. After all they consisted of injecting large amounts of poison into the body, which like acid ate away the insides. Right now looking at the cost I paid that one feral day, one could think it was a stupid choice. But after all it was never my choice to begin with, and that I was sure of. Still, I never regretted my actions, as up to this day it felt like a last taste of freedom I've tasted.
There were times when the life was bearable when I was able to take a break form experimentation, but just like right now, the feeling of a upcoming death was stronger then any other before. I was bound to die sooner or later either way and now, all of the symptoms testified that it would be relevantly sooner as the numbness in my body made me almost completely unable to walk. Such an effect was caused by the serum Dearen was currently testing - a poison that damaged the nerves severally. As of the current state of my body, the numbness lasted for a few hours, before the nerves were completely recovered.
Countless needles pierced my skin at this point, and even another one more might have been the last one for me. Even though my inner organism (nerves, veins, tissues and internal organs) reached it's pick of cells regeneration, yet still because of too frequent experiments that did not allow the body to regenerate properly, it was now as if made of shattered glass, covered in bruises, cuts and burns that were beyond repairing.
The most visible change that I personally had a hard time to understand was the loss of my eyes pigment. Due to a certain poison not only them, but also my whole skin lost it's color and now It was as white as a sheet of paper. I thought it was unusual occurrence, but to my surprise even more shocking thing happened afterwards. While one of the experiments (from painful category) a lot of my veins in eyes broke out and the blood covered not only the retina abut also the pupils. After a few weeks the bloody pigment washed away from the retina, but on the other hand remained in the pupils, making them crimson red.
Because of that it was hard to see at first as my vision was blurry, but after some time it healed completely and so it didn't make it difficult for me to function. Both me and Dearen were actually surprised that I didn't lose my eyesight from it. The conclusion that he come up with, was my organism need to regenerate somehow, even if it meant using a source like the owners blood.
The biggest challenge of all was remaining sane after all this time being tortured for years. I did have a moments of doubt, but taking my own life felt worse then dying the dogs death. Maybe I still had some hope that I could survive that or I just didn't give Dearen the satisfaction of breaking me completely.
The other thing that keep me from losing mind was the inner satisfaction that appeared after every experiment that ended in a failure. And for some reason most of his experiments did not success. He wanted to find out about the meaning of my existence, but in the end he wasn't able to. The frustration and anger he felt was visible in his every move. Having courage, place and time, but yet still failing in aching his goals. This thought made me happy each time it crossed my mind and gave me hope for the approaching final of my suffering.
- What do you think you are doing! - I didn't react, as it was normal for him to shout at me from time to time when his frustration reached a certain point. In the past I was panickly scared of being shouted at, and each time it happened I would end up crying even against my high ego.
The lack of answer angered him greatly, as soon a shattering sound broke the the silence, "A vase?" I thought as it was the only item made of porcelain in this room. Shortly a red, sticky liquid ran down the side of my face and I felt a burning sensation above my left eyebrow "Have he finally gone mad? Throwing a vase at me out of nowhere"
- You useless piece of shit! - He quickly ran towards me and when he was close enough he grabbed my shoulder with a lot of strength "It hurts". I could barely stand on my own, but he did not seem to mind as he dragged me away from the window. - Your body is completely broken! None of my experiments are working! What is the point of regeneration when it doesn't even work as it should. It's been nine fucking years! I've had enough of it! Such a wasted of my time. - He shouted nonstop while pulling me in the way of the entrance - With this I will never exceed The Doctor!
The day was extremely cold and without any warm cloths even breathing was painful. He dragged me away into the snowfield. My bare skin covered only in a thin layer of night gown felt like it was on fire not only because of the cold by also because of the the deadly white fluff that as if it wasn't enough was still falling from the sky. I couldn't help but admire the surrounding that I've was not able to see from the little window of mine.
Once we were far away from our home as it wasn't seen on the horizon he suddenly tossed me into the snowdrift. Once my skin touched the snow it felt as if any movement could rip me apart. I bit my tongue from the sudden pain and my mind went blank for a while. Once I finally regained my consciousness from the shock and looked around, there was nothing around beside mountains of snow. Dearen was already far away and only a slim blurry figure could be seen as the snowflakes was falling down from the sky.
- My body's broken? You are just a shitty scientist - I grumbled under my breath.
It felt peaceful somehow. I thought that dying might be scary, but It wasn't so bad after all. Maybe because I already experienced it once before. I just had to close my eyes and sleep for eternity in this beautiful, covered in white fur nation. The pain washed away from my body as only numbness remainder. Yet another pointless death.
- What are u doing here?
A voice echoed breaking the relative silence and a shiver ran down my spine. With great effort I lifted my head higher to look at the face of stranger. My gaze scanned the fancy dressed man with a light blue uneven hair. His face was almost wholly covered by a mask and only a pair of crimson eyes could be seen as they starred right through my soul. "him?" I thought, recognizing him as one of the game's character.
- What? Are you mute? - He spoke once again, but with a hint of annoyance in his voice. An unknown girl stared at him as if some sort of daze. Her beauty was eternal. She looked like an fallen angel covered in blood that in the contact with snow turned into red crystals like ruby jewels. Her white hair and deathly pale skin contrasted with her deep red eyes and open, bloody wounds. - Who did this to you?
No words came of my mouth as I wasn't able to open them anymore. I didn't have any more energy. I was extremely tired and my mind couldn't process what was going on. With the rest of my strength I pointed him the direction where Dearen went. He silently passed beside me as if unbothered by a dying person.
I smiled softly as the 'grim ripper' headed toward the indicated place. A minutes flew by as I forcefully kept myself from closing eyes "Just a bit more..." Seconds later a painful scream reached my ears, with an accompanying echo carried across the snowy land. "Thank you... Zandik". That was the last thought before my mind went blank.
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Edited: 25.06.2024