Peeling myself out of bed, I force myself over to the makeshift crib and rub the sleep from my eyes before picking Judith up. I coo at her as she becomes a little more settled in my arms, "Hungry, little miss?" She wails in my arms as I multitask as I make her a bottle. I pop the lid off and begin to feed her as her cries become stopped. Her wails suddenly become silent as she drinks up her bottle. "Little Jude." I smile down at her precious face. Lori would've loved her.
"Hey Jude, don't make it bad." I hum along, "Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart then you can start to make it better." I rock her gently in my arms as I hold her bottle for her. "Hey jude, don't be afraid..." I sing softly, "You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin then you begin to make it better." Ever since Carl had told me Judith's name, I couldn't help but remember that one song by the beatles. Little Jude, the rascal. "Hey Jude, refrain." I continue, "Don't carry the world upon your shoulder. For well, you know it's a fool who plays it cool"
I continue to sing to Jude as she starts finishing her bottle and resting her wide eyes. Placing the bottle down, I use my free hand to rub her soft cheek and hum along to the lyrics of Hey Jude. "Hey Jude," I smile, "Don't let me down. You have found her, now go and get her. Remember let her into your heart-" Swaying around, I notice Daryl stood in the doorway of my room and my face immediately drops. What was he doing here?
"No more Dolly Parton?" He says softly, not to wake the baby. Placing Judith down in her crib, I ignore his question and make sure to wrap her nicely in her blanket. Barging past, I knock his shoulder as I make my way into the cafeteria part to start up some porridge for the group. Clearly he didn't understand me ignoring him meant I didn't want to speak to him and he followed me into the kitchen. Pulling the large pot onto the table, I grab the sack of oats and begin to pour as much as we usually have in the morning but making sure to not overpour due to our lack of food here.
"Where's your little boyfriend?" Daryl remarks and I scoff at him. I grab a bottle of clean water and pour it into the oats.
"Not my boyfriend." I reply, deadpan, "And he has a name." Daryl rolls his eyes and scoffs at me. "Ash went back with Andrea. He's there for more information for us."
"More like to tell Phillip everything about this place." Daryl remarks, "He's unreliable. He has been working for the Governor so he's probably snaking us out right now."
"And Merle isn't unreliable." I sigh as I give the porridge a stir, "Ash didn't shoot me in the arm, nearly kill Glenn or let Maggie get assaulted. All Ash has done is help."
"Merle is with us now." He becomes harsh, "He did what he did to survive like the rest of us." But the rest of us do things for the moral good most of the time. Yes we had done bad things and there was no excuse for that. But Merle did things to this group when we did not deserve it.
"And honestly I don't care." I roll my eyes, "If it was to save his own ass or save anyone in this group, well, we already know how that's going to go." I stir the porridge one last time and then grab a clean knife to cut up some of the canned fruit for health. Gotta make sure to have one of your five a day even if it does come from a shitty can of fruit salad. "Also, what has he ever done for you?" I stop and look up at him, waving the knife up. "Huh? Because he sure hasn't saved your ass a bunch of times out here. We did. He didn't care for you like you were his true family. We did. And he sure as hell didn't stay up nights with you on watch in the freezing cold just so you'd have company. I fucking did that. But you still chose him over us and that is a major break in trust."
"He's blood." Daryl repeats himself.
"Blood doesn't mean shit." I scoff, "You and I know that, more than anyone else."
"Ya' would do the same for your brother." He scrunches his nose at me. Did he really bring my brother up?
"Difference is, my brother's dead." I drop the knife on the counter and take a few steps towards him, "And he was caring and so precious, not a STD infested maniac who only cares about himself. You aren't the person I thought you were so I don't have anything left to say to you." Daryl stares at me solemnly for a few moments before I take the courage to leave.
As I enter the cell block, Rick retreats from his cell as he wipes the sleep from his eyes. "G'morning." He groggily says to me. I nod and smile at him in return. "Did- did Judith sleep alright for you?" Rick puts a hand on his hip, "If not, I can take her for tonight."
I shake my head, "No, no. She slept like an angel. And honestly I don't mind having her. You need more sleep than me. I can deal with a few more sleepless nights, you can't, especially if today doesn't go well."
"Are you coming today? We could do with you if all goes south." Rick asks.
"I think I'm gonna stay here. Look after the kids and babysit the loony." I nod over to Merle sleeping in his bed in the cafeteria.
Rick puts a hand on my shoulder and nods, "Good idea." I nod back and smile.
"I know." I force a chuckle, "I've been telling everyone I'm a genius but no one believes me." Rick chuckles and shakes his head.
"Yeah, you think that." Rick raises his eyebrows with a teasing smile. I widen my eyes as I look at him in shock. Was Rick Grimes actually joking around? He was able to still do that. "Are you sure you want to stay?" He double checks, "I think Ash will be there, if you want to see him. Keep an eye on Daryl to make sure he doesn't knock him out."
"Haha, as if he could." I snort, "Why would he knock Ash out anyway?" Rick raises an eyebrow at me and looks at me from the corner of his eye like I was stupid. His face plastered 'Did you really ask that stupid question?' across it. "I'm sure Hersh can handle them both. Even with just one leg, he can whoop ass." I nod.
"Right. He is pretty tough." Rick agrees.
"There's some porridge out there." I nod towards the room it was in, "You need to eat some before you go." While on his spiral of madness, I could tell Rick wasn't eating much or maybe not at all and he needed something before he made decisions for this whole group. He needed something to make him more rational, not like the Governor was going to be rational at all.
–
Rick, Hershel and Daryl had not long left before Glenn started to try and give out orders within the group. He was a great guy but wasn't strong enough to be making all these decisions. Obviously I still did what he said to not cause problems for myself. I wasn't trying to be the leader of anything today. Hopefully it would count as a day off. But who am I kidding? When do I ever have a day off?
"Carl, come here." Glenn orders and Carl trots his way over, "You stash these with the loading gun, all right?" Carl looks over to me for confirmation and I nod at him for permission. He takes the box of bullets and shoves them into his pockets. "Beth, Charlie put more up on the catwalk." He passes a box of bullets to them both, "If anyone gets pinned down we need to make sure that they have plenty of ammo. I'll go work on the cage outside." Nodding, I begin to load up a rifle with ammo to make sure it's full in case we need it urgently.
"What we should be doing is loading some of this firepower in a truck and paying a visit to the Governor." Merle points at the guns with his gnarly arm. Glenn stops in his tracks and stares at him. The endless hatred Glenn has for Merle increases every day they live in close quarters. "We know where he is right now." He adds on.
"You suggesting that we just go in and kill him?" Glenn asks. Not a very smart fella, are you Glenn? It's painfully obvious that is exactly what he means. And in all honesty, I kind of agree with the psycho redneck.
"We told Rick and Daryl that we'd stay put." Michonne tries to put Merle in his place as she glares at him.
"I've changed my mind, sweetheart." He shoots back, "Being on the sideline with my brother out there ain't sitting right with me."
"Three of them are right in the middle of it." Glenn replies, "No idea we're coming. They could get taken hostage or killed. A thousand things could go wrong." A thousand things could go wrong and a thousand things could go right and it all depended on Andrea choosing us or them.
"And they will." Merle says. Carl and Glenn both stop and send him a dirty look.
"My dad can take care of himself." Carl glares at him with his growing attitude.
"Sorry, son, but your dad's head could be on a pike real soon." Merle replies, nastily. Carl ignores him and walks away to go and do his job. But I could tell it got to him.
"Don't ever speak to him like that again." I load a pistol and look up to meet daggers from Merle. He tilts his head at me, unsure what to say at the moment.
"It's not the right move." Glenn inputs, "Not now." His voice grows deeper and stronger to really clear his point. "Can't take the risk of putting them in a crossfire. It's my decision. It's final." Glenn emphasises his point with his hand.
Merle huffs in and bites his lower lip as Glenn walks out. Charlie looks at me and sucks his lips in. I raise my eyebrows in response. We could speak a thousand words over our expressions. "Let's get to work." I speak up with a clap of my hands. Beth and Charlie begin to walk off to stock up their area. A loud cry erupts from the cells and Maggie looks over to me then to Merle. I could tell she didn't want to be in here with him alone. "You can get her." I nod at her, "I think she's had enough of me for a bit." Maggie glares at Merle as she begins to walk past me.
She stops and asks, "Are you sure you're alright with him?" I place a hand on her shoulder and nod.
"I'll be fine, Mags." I assure her and she wanders into the cells. Opening another gun, I begin to fill it up with ammo as well and look up to Merle messing about with a small knife in his good hand. Didn't he have enough sharp weapons on him? Or should I say attached to him. He looks up from the knife and catches my eyes. "Take a picture, it will last longer, sugar." He winks with a smirk.
Ew. I nearly threw up on the spot. "Not interested. You haven't got any mojo." I screw my nose up at him.
"And my brother has?" He questions, looking at me with a knowing smirk.
"He did until I realised what a dick he was to leave people who really cared about him. Especially to go with you." I fiddle with a bullet before pushing it into the gun. Merle mumbles something inaudible which I respond with, "Hmm?"
"I do care." He insists.
"Yeah, my ass." I snort and roll my eyes. Merle was stone cold. No way did he have a heart or even care about anyone but himself.
"Darlina was going to leave me out there after we left." Merle confesses, "He couldn't imagine a day without ya'- without y'all. I was gonna set off without him but I had to make sure my baby brother didn't get put on a stick for the biter's by the Governor. Can't leave blood. Blood's thicker than water but this group- was thicker than anything I can give to him."
"He should've never left in the first place." I breathe out heavily, "We needed him and he left for you. I mean if you survived your hand getting cut off you could survive being alone."
"Not much being alone is good for." Merle replies, "He came back. You can't keep it against him forever, sweetheart. We ain't got a lot of time in this world." Forgive Daryl? I can forgive him but the trust won't be there. How will I know he won't walk out on us again like before? I'm done with people walking out on me. It's happened my entire life and I'm tired of it. I should stop getting so attached to people because it never works out well. Merle pulls out a bag and begins to fill it with guns and bullets.
"Hey, you're not going." Glenn walks in as Maggie does.
"I don't need permission." Merle replies, still filling the bag with all sorts. Maggie and I both look at Glenn waiting for his reply.
"I can't let you." Glenn stands his high ground.
"You can't stop me." Merle stands his high ground as well.
"If you're going to live here with us, it's going to be on our terms." Maggie speaks up and Merle picks the bag up. "If Michonne can do it, why can't you?" Her voice becomes loud and Merle stops in his tracks.
"'Cause it's my brother out there, that's why." Merle blows up with rage. And in that moment, it seemed like he did care and he was proving me wrong. "What's the matter with y'all?" He looks around. Michonne walks in slowly with her eyes locked onto Merle with hatred. He begins to climb the stairs and Glenn puffs his shoulders out as he guards the doors. The two men stand close to each other as they stare, mentally trying to work out who was going to step down and who was the bigger man.
Glenn says something inaudible and Merle becomes angry, uncontrollable. "Nut up already, boy." He yells in Glenn's face, "This guy cops a feel of your woman and you pussy out like this. Get out of my way." Merle taunts him.
"No." Glenn stares right at Merle before Merle pushes Glenn aside. Glenn struggles as he tackles Merle to the floor. Oh for fucks sake. They tumble down the stairs and Maggie rushes over. She jumps on top of Merle and struggles to pull him off as he points his daggered hand at Glenn's face. Michonne jumps in and pulls his stump away. I roll my eyes and decide to interfere in this cat fight.
Grabbing Merle's ear, he yelps as I use my foot to kick him back while he's in a moment of shock. A gunshot sounds as Merle falls onto his ass. Beth stands next to Charlie as she pulls the trigger trying to make a point. Maggie and Michonne hold onto Merle still as he wiggles around in rage trying to become free. "Let me go." He yells, "Let me go." They both look up at me and I nod at them. They release themselves from him and step back.
"From now on, I'm making the fucking orders." I raise my voice, "I don't want any more of 'whose balls are bigger.' Glenn, go and do some jobs. Go cool off. And Merle sit down and the fuck up for once. I'm sick of your voice. Any more of this shit and you're both going on the naughty step, got it?" Glenn clicks his jaw before storming off outside. Merle sucks his teeth as he sits quietly. Most peace we've had from him since he was sleeping. Maggie follows Glenn outside and Beth goes to check on Judith.
I glance over to Charlie and he's sat playing with a stray feather. Taking a seat next to him, he looks at me and brings the feather to my nose and tickles me. I scrunch my nose and swat it away from me with a chuckle. "Were you using this to flirt with Beth?" I tease him.
"She actually gave it to me." He smiles, looking down at the feather, "She has an eye for things, you know. She sang me a little piece about a bird and it was... amazing."
"Oh, you're in love?" I smile.
"Shut up. She might hear." He swats me with his hand, "I am not in love. She's just my best friend."
"Ouch. I'm gonna pretend that doesn't hurt." I place a hand over my heart.
"It's a bit sad your best friend is a 16 year old boy, don't you think?" He teases.
"I'm only kidding. You're like my little brother." I bring my arm over his neck, "It's only my job to tease you about girls you like." I pull his head close to me as I rub my knuckles on the top of his head. Charlie struggles under my arm and tries to push me away until I finally let go of him.
"Does that give me the right to ask about your love life then?" He asks and I shake my head.
"What love life?" I chuckle to myself.
"Your little love triangle." He motions a triangle with his fingers, "It's like twilight."
"You know what twilight is?" I ask in disbelief.
"Yeah, it's a cinematic masterpiece." He scoffs, "You're Bella, obviously. Daryl is the weird vampire boy, Edward, who thinks he doesn't have a soul. Ash is the hot werewolf boy who Bella has known since she was a kid and she thinks she has feelings for when everyone else knows she doesn't."
"So who are you?" I raise my eyebrows, "The worm on the stick?"
"No, I'm the golden onion, obviously." He exclaims.
"Oh yeah, of course." I nod in agreement.
"So who is it? Edward or Jacob?" He tilts his head at me and waits for my answer.
"Edward is the best for Bella but he left her which is a bit of a dickhead thing to do. But Jake was there for her when he was gone to lift her up. Jake's a great friend but he isn't right for Bella." I speak my opinion. I had always been Team Edward because he was Bella's soulmate and Jake wasn't right for her. He was sweet and all but Bella never had her heart set on him at all. It had always been Edward.
Before Charlie could ask me more, the door opens to the cafeteria and I grip my gun before Rick and the others enter. My hand moves from my gun as I realise it was safe. Rick nods at me and Charlie, motioning us to come in. He calls the rest of the group and we all take our places in Cell block C. Rick grabs his gun and stands in front of us. I fold my arms and lean against the wall on the side of the cells. Charlie stands beside me and crosses his arms also.
"So I met this Governor." Rick looks around, "Sat with him for quite a while."
"Just the two of you?" Merle's hoarse voice asks. Rick nods slowly, not looking at him. "We should have gone when we had the chance." Merle remarks, walking out away from the group. Maggie and Glenn look between each other for a moment before Rick continues.
"He wants the prison." Rick tells us, "He wants us gone. Dead. He wants us dead for what we did to Woodbury. We're going to war." My heart drops. Well fuck. Daryl glances over to me. His face dropped as he saw the worry on my face. War was the last fucking thing we needed.