"Cause I was filled with poison. But blessed with beauty and rage"
Ultraviolence - Lana Del Ray
"Finn!" I cried, my voice echoing through the cave, as I scrambled to his side. Time seemed to stop as I knelt beside him, my heart hammering in my chest as I watched the life drain from his eyes. As I knelt beside him Finn's eyes latched onto mine in shock before his eyelids began to droop.
"Finn, no, no, stay with me." I pleaded desperately as I held his cheek in trembling hands. My pleads didn't work as Finn's eyes closed. With trembling hands, I searched for any sign of life, finding only a faint pulse. He was alive, but not for long.
Amidst the chaos, I heard the sound of a loud thud, and my eyes snapped towards the direction. My heart skipped a beat as I turned to see Bellamy on the ground with his chest only inches away from the tip of a spear held by the grounder.
"Stop! That's my brother!" Octavia cried out before Jasper suddenly struck the grounder over the head with a large rock. As the grounder fell to the side of Bellamy I felt a rush of relief surge through my veins.
However, my gaze swiftly returned to Finn, lying on the brink of death. With a frantic urgency, I bent over his body, my hands trembling I examined the knife wound. The knife was so deeply embedded we would have to take it out back at camp, otherwise we'd risk him bleeding to death. As I ran my hands through my hair comprehending the gravity of the situation I felt strong hands grasp my shoulders before spinning me around.
"Are you hurt?" Bellamy asked with worry as he urgently spun me around to face him. His eyes widened in alarm as they settled on the ominous crimson stain seeping through my shirt. My hands trembled violently which Bellamy noticed as he grasped them in his own to stop my shaking.
"I'm fine." I replied, moving away from his grasp before turning back to Finn. "We have to get him back to camp now."
"Wait, you're not going to take the knife out?" Octavia asked in shock, her eyes wide with disbelief as she joined me by Finn's side.
"I can't, he'll bleed to death. Hurry we don't have time for this." I frantically begged the others as we began carrying Finn's limp body back to camp.
We carried Finn back through the same woods that had echoed with our laughter and camaraderie mere hours ago. It felt like just yesterday that Finn introduced himself to me as we found ourselves seated side by side on the drop ship hurtling towards Earth. Now as I looked upon his lifeless form, I couldn't bear the thought of losing him because of me. I was beginning to notice the pattern where everyone I got close to ended up paying the ultimate price.
The whole trek I felt a suffocating sense of guilt engulfing me, distracting me from the pain in my side. If he didn't make it, it would be my fault. He would have sacrificed himself for me, and I couldn't shake the realisation that I wasn't worthy of the sacrifice.
.・。☽.・゜✭・.・
"Clarke! Where's Clarke" I cried out in desperation as we entered through the camp walls. Finn's body weighed heavy on all our arms and our consciences.
"Finn!" Clarke called out with wide eyes as she rushed forward to check his pulse. "He's alive. What happened out there?"
"A grounder tried to stab Cindy, but Finn saved her life." Jasper explained as I averted my eyes from Clarke, unable to shake the guilt. "She wouldn't let us take the knife out."
"Pulling it out would've made it worse, it was a good call. Get him in the drop ship, now." Clarke ordered the others as they carried Finn's body away to the drop ship. However, I found myself unable to move from where I stood as I tried taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.
"Are you okay?" Bellamy distracted me from my thoughts, coming up beside me as I shook off my defeated expression. Once again falling into the pattern of not letting anyone see my weakness.
"You're still bleeding." Bellamy spoke softly, his concern evident as he reached to move my jacket aside to reveal my blood-soaked top. Before he could uncover it, I swatted his hand away while wrapping my jacket around myself tightly. Despite my efforts to suppress it, the ache in my side was beginning to make itself known. But I couldn't afford to focus on my minor injuries when there were bigger issues at hand.
"I'm fine." I shrugged him off as I attempted to step away, but he blocked my path, refusing to let me retreat.
"Stop doing that, clearly you're not fine." Bellamy insisted, his tone firm but genuine. I rolled my eyes in frustration, irritated by his persistence on the topic.
"What do you want me to say?" I snapped back, my patience wearing thin as Bellamy closed the distance between us.
"Just talk to me." He replied, his gentle voice a soothing contrast to my escalating emotions. But instead of finding comfort in his words, I felt a surge of anger rising within me.
"What's there to say? Finn's about to die and it's all my fault! I didn't deserve to be saved." I spat back bitterly, the weight of guilt bearing down on me. Bellamy's expression fell, his eyes reflecting the pain of my words.
"Lu, you're worth saving. I'd save you every single time if I had the choice." Bellamy's voice was soft, filled with sincerity as he reached out to comfort me. But I shook my head slightly, unable to accept his reassurance, feeling tears threatening to spill over which were quickly suppressed.
The sound of thunder interrupted us as I tore my gaze away from Bellamy to look upward, where ominous clouds were gathering. A storm was coming, the irony was deafening...
.・。☽.・゜✭・.・
As I stood beside Finn, across from Clarke I felt guilt weigh heavily upon me. At that moment, I couldn't help but wish I hadn't spent those countless hours pushing my body to its limits within the confined space of the arc. Instead of perfecting my aim, I should learn the skills necessary to aid in situations like these. But now, as Finn lay before me, I realised my ability to a rifle meant nothing in the face of Finn's injuries.
Finn's skin continued to pale, Clarke's stress continued to rise, Raven's frustration accelerated and my hands continued to tremble. Raven sat beside us as she desperately toyed with the radio in hopes of connecting with Ark. She had reached the point where she was begging desperately for someone to reply into the headpiece before someone spoke through the static.
"This is a restricted channel. Identify yourself." The ominous voice spoke as we all froze in anticipation.
"This is Raven Reyes, I'm from Mecha station. I'm transmitting from the ground, the hundred are alive. Please, you need to get Dr Abby Griffin, one of our own is injured badly." Raven's voice wavered with urgency as she quickly explained the dire situation. We held our breaths during the silence that followed, clinging to the fragile hope that someone on the other end would hear Raven's plea and come to our aid.
"Raven? Are you there?" Abbey Griffin's voice spoke through the radio as I ran my hands through my hair in relief. Clarke's eyes widened as she rushed to speak into the radio.
"Mum? Mum, it's me. I need your help, one of our own was stabbed by a grounder." Clarke spoke frantically into the radio, cutting short her family reunion to help Finn first.
"Clarke? This is the chancellor. Are you saying there are survivors on earth?" Chancellor Jaha spoke on the radio in disbelief as they came to terms with the news.
"Yes, the earth is survivable. We're not alone." Clarke responded as the radio fell silent as they took in the news. However, we didn't have any time to waste. "Mum, he's dying. The knife's still in his chest."
"Clarke, is my son with you?" Chancellor Jaha spoke through the radio full of hope as Clarke's face fell. Raven and I exchanged a knowing glance before Clarke responded.
"I'm so sorry. Wells is dead." Clarke replied as an eerie silence followed while the Chancellor presumably left to process the news. After a few moments of silence, Abby's voice reappeared.
"I'm going to talk you through it step by step. Clarke just -" Abbey began, her voice fading into static before abruptly cutting off.
"Raven, what's going on?" Clarke asked as panic surged through the room as Raven frantically tried to find the cause of the interruption.
"It's not the radio, it's the storm!" Raven cried out over the deafening sound of wind and rain bashing against the drop ship. Raven continued fiddling with the radio frequencies as Octavia emerged with two cans of alcohol for Finn. As Octavia extended me a can I lifted it to my nose before smelling the intoxicating bitterness.
"Monty's moonshine." I replied in disbelief that the boy had finally mastered the liquor he'd been working on over the past few days.
"I'm pretty sure no germ could survive it." Octavia replied with a reassuring smile as Clarke and I began pouring it over our hands to sterilise them.
"Are you sure you want to help?" Clarke asked meeting my eyes as I sterilised my hands.
"It should've been me on lying this table, not Finn. I can't live with that." I replied as Clarke nodded her head in understanding before she poured her remaining moonshine over Finn's wound.
"The storms getting worse, we need to close the door." Clarke ordered Monroe as the rain began penetrating through the drop ship.
"We still have people out there. Monty and Jasper aren't back yet." Monroe replied hesitantly.
"Neither is Bellamy." Octavia replied as I frowned realising how caught up I had been in my own turmoil, to notice Bellamy's departure. Part of me regretted my earlier harsh words, knowing now that he had only been trying to help. But with Finn's life hanging in the balance, there was little room for dwelling on regrets or trying to make amends.
"They'll survive. Finn might not." I replied shortly before turning my focus back to Finn. Raven handed Clarke a needle as we readied ourselves around the dying boy.
"Okay, I still need something to close his wound." Clarke sighed as we looked over at our limited medical supplies.
"There are wires on the second level we use for tents. Will that work?" Octavia proposed before Clarke nodded and Octavia left my side.
"Stay away from the blue wires running across the ceiling. I rigged it to the solar panels on the roof. That means they're hot, got that?" Raven warned before Octavia turned back with a slightly agitated glare. At this point, we were all so on edge I couldn't blame her.
"Yeah, I got that." Octavia replied shortly before disappearing up the ladder. A gust of wind shot through the drop ship as the curtain opened and three drenched bodies made their way in. I turned to see Monty, Jasper and Bellamy return before a loud thump echoed as they dropped the grounder on the floor. It was the same grounder who had taken Octavia and attempted to kill me before Finn saved my life.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me." I scoffed, my voice heavy with disbelief and anger as I pushed myself away from Finn's side to confront Bellamy.
"Bellamy? What the hell are you doing?" Octavia called out standing beside me, her arms crossed over her chest mirroring my stance. Bellamy's face hardened as he gazed down at the pair of us.
"It's time to get some answers." Bellamy shrugged casually as I rolled my eyes at his predictability. His gaze flickered to me in a silent plea for understanding.
"Oh, you mean revenge?" Octavia bit back, her frustration evident.
"I mean intel, get him upstairs." Bellamy ordered as the boys hoisted the grounder's limp body up as a panicked Octavia rushed to the grounder's side. I turned on my heel to make my way back to Finn before Bellamy grabbed my hand. He spun me back to face him, desperation evident in his eyes as he sought reassurance.
"Don't just walk away-" Bellamy began, his voice pleading, but I couldn't contain my frustration any longer.
"I don't have time to deal with your shit right now! Finn's fucking dying, not everything is about you Bellamy." I snapped, ripping my hand out of his grip and storming back to Finn's side. The drop ship fell silent in the wake of my outburst, the weight of my words hanging heavy in the air. I felt Bellamy's eyes boring into my back as Abbey's voice suddenly spoke through the radio. I noticed Bellamy's tense figure in my periphery as he looked from the radio to me, trying to catch my gaze which I averted.
"You don't have to do this Bellamy, this is not who we are." Clarke pleaded as I kept my gaze focused on Finn.
"It is now." Bellamy snapped before tearing his eyes away from me, as he climbed up the ladder to where the boys had taken the hostage. I turned my focus back to Finn, the urgency of his condition demanding my full attention. But Clarke's voice pulled me from my thoughts, her eyes meeting mine with a sense of urgency.
"Lucinda, I need you to keep an eye on Bellamy." Clarke pleaded as my face dropped.
"What? I'm not leaving Finn, I can't-" I protested frantically, the thought of abandoning Finn weighing heavily on my conscience.
"He's going to be okay, I've got my Mum to help now. But I can't worry about two things at once. Bellamy will only listen to you." Clarke pleaded as I sighed nodding slightly in understanding.
"Ugh fine, but I swear to god if he gets any worse you call me okay." I demanded, pointing a finger at Clarke to emphasise the seriousness of my words. Clarke nodded in agreement, her expression grateful as she offered me a reassuring smile. With a heavy sigh, I begrudgingly left Finn's side on my way up the ladder. Before I reached the ladder I bumped into Octavia as I turned to face her with a serious expression.
"Octavia, were you serious when you said that grounder looked after you?" I asked trying to gauge whether I should help our new prisoner.
"Cindy, I swear. Please you have to help me." Octavia pleaded her desperation evident in the urgency of her voice and the pleading look in her eyes. From her expression alone it was glaringly obvious she cared for the man. Although I would do anything to help her, a connection like that was dangerous in our current circumstances. The thought of entangling ourselves further with the grounders filled me with a sense of unease. Despite the inherent dangers, I couldn't ignore her distress.
We made our way halfway up the ladder into the second level before I froze as I spotted the grounder fighting two boys who attempted to tie his hands against opposite sides of the wall with a rope. My gaze turned to Bellamy who stood in front of the scene casually sharpening knives.
"Hold him, the last thing we need is this bastard getting free because you screwed up." Bellamy commanded as the grounder watched Bellamy with a look of pure hatred. As I hoisted myself up the ladder Octavia quickly emerged after me. Bellamy quickly turned to face us before groaning loudly in annoyance with our presence.
"Both of you, out now." Bellamy ordered, his tone leaving no room for argument. Despite his commanding presence, I couldn't help but chuckle at his audacity.
"I told you, he was protecting me. You don't have to do this." Octavia pleaded, her voice tinged with desperation as she pleaded for reason.
"This isn't about you. I'm doing this for all of us." Bellamy replied so sure of himself and his actions.
"From the kindness of your heart?" I countered sarcastically, earning an annoyed glance from Bellamy in response.
"I'm doing this for Finn, Jasper, John, Roma, Diggs." Bellamy listed off in an attempt to defend his actions.
"It wasn't even him." Octavia protested, her voice laced with urgency, but Bellamy shook his head dismissively.
"You don't know that. We need to know what we're up against. How many there are, what they want from us and he's going to tell us right now." Bellamy replied before starting against the grounder as Octavia and I tensed, knowing what was coming next.
"Bellamy, no!" Octavia cried out, reaching out to grab Bellamy's arm in a desperate attempt to stop him from reaching the grounder.
"Get her out of here." Bellamy commanded as one of the boys reached for Octavia, dragging her towards the hatch. I turned to face her and noticed her distraught expression. With a silent nod of reassurance, I let her know I would protect the man she was fighting so desperately to save. After she noticed my gesture, Octavia allowed herself to be led down the hatch. With a sigh, I turned back to face Bellamy as I realised the close distance between us.
"What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be taking care of your precious Finn?" Bellamy spoke down to me, his condescending tone grating on my nerves.
"Jealousy doesn't look good on you Bells." I retorted, deliberately using the nickname to hurt him. His figure tensed at my words, a flicker of annoyance crossing his features.
"That's it. Miller, get her out." Bellamy snapped, pointing his knife in Miller's direction to gesture towards me. I crossed my arms defiantly, raising an eyebrow as Miller hesitantly approached. In moments like this, I was thankful that my reputation preceded me, Miller knew he shouldn't fuck with me.
"Aw, don't be shy." I smiled deviously as Miller hesitated, wary of the consequences, but eventually moved closer in an attempt to remove me. However, I swiftly countered, sweeping my leg out to knock Miller off balance, sending him crashing to the floor.
"Don't fuck with me." I warned sternly as Miller picked himself up, his expression sheepish. Bellamy gave me a frustrated glare knowing I wasn't going to give up before returning his attention to the grounder as I leaned casually against the wall of the drop ship.
"What's your name?" Bellamy asked the grounder as he stood there silently with an expression revealing how much he loathed Bellamy. "How many of there are you?"
Before the Bellamy could press any further the lower level of the drop ship shook violently. I stepped away from the shaking steel wall I leant against as the drop ship continued to tremble. Suddenly, a large impact jolted the ship knocking me and the others around as I fell to the other. I groaned as I clutched my side, the large impact ripped through my wound. I looked up as my hand pressed against my aching side to meet the grounder's eyes. I noticed him gulp with an expression I couldn't quite decipher. Before I could question his expression further Bellamy called out.
"What the hell was that? Are we under attack or not?" Bellamy called out down the hatch to the lower level.
"Storm damage, we're okay." A boy answered, climbing up the ladder. Bellamy nodded before turning back around and spotting me pressing against my wound to prevent blood flow.
"Let me help." Bellamy insisted as he knelt beside me in an attempt to assess my wound.
"Don't touch me." I snapped back, using the drop ship wall to pull myself to stand upright. Bellamy watched me with a defeated expression as he sighed before turning back to the grounder. As he neared the grounder, he ignored Bellamy who stood in front of him as his eyes met mine once again. What was he trying to tell me?
"Don't fucking look at her." Bellamy growled before stepping to the side, blocking the grounder's view of me. I rolled my eyes over Bellamy's uncalled-for aggression. "We're gonna try this one more time. What's your name?"
"Where's your camp? How many of you are there?" Bellamy persisted despite the grounders defeating resistance.
"Hey, check it out." Miller spoke up, as we all averted our gaze towards him as he dug through the grounders thing. "What is this stuff?"
The others began to gather around the grounder's belongings as they rifled through his things. Miller held up a box full of vials, each containing different types of strangely coloured liquids.
"Medicine?" I asked before reaching for a vial from Miller and examining it closely.
"Are you some sort of doctor?" I asked, turning to the grounder, but he remained silent, holding my gaze without a word. Realising I wouldn't get a response, I sighed and returned the vial to its place among the others. Meanwhile, Bellamy continued rummaging through the belongings until he pulled out a worn, leather-bound book. As Bellamy flipped through the journal's pages, the grounder began struggling against his restraints, catching Bellamy's interest.
"I think we found something he doesn't want us to see." Bellamy taunted, a smirk playing on his lips as I stepped forward beside him, curiosity driving me to take a closer look. The pages of the leather-bound book were covered in meticulously drawn images.
"These aren't half bad." Bellamy complimented before he turned the page, only for his demeanour to shift when a drawing of Octavia greeted our eyes. Dismissing the drawing with a nonchalant flick, Bellamy quickly flipped to the next page, his body tensing imperceptibly. However, the sight that greeted us was far more unsettling than expected.
"That's our camp..." I stated, a shiver running down my spine as I recognized the familiar outline of the drop ship and the tents we now called home. Beside the drawing lay a row of tally marks, each one carefully etched onto the page.
"I'm guessing if we added these all up it would equal one hundred and two. Ten are crossed out." Bellamy spoke bitterly, his gaze lingering on the marks as if trying to decipher their significance.
With a heavy breath, he turned to the next page, and my heart skipped a beat as I laid eyes on the next drawing. The portrait was hauntingly familiar, sending a chill down my spine as I realized the subject. It was me.
Similar to Octavia's portrait, the grounder had drawn me with unnerving lifelike accuracy. Every detail seemed painstakingly captured, from the curls in my hair to the shape of my lips. However, my eyes were drawn to the word written beneath. "Haiplana."
As I stared at the unfamiliar word, a chill ran down my spine. What did it mean? And why had he drawn me? The ominous presence of the word beneath my portrait sent shivers of unease through me. Did it mark me as a target?
Bellamy shook his head in disbelief before his frustration boiled over, propelling him toward the grounder with determined strides. The illustration seemed to have ignited a fire within him, his grip tightening around the portrait as he advanced.
He held up the portrait in front of the grounder's face, his expression contorted in a mix of anger and confusion. It was evident from the way the grounder clenched his jaw that this journal held a deeply personal significance to him, and he resented anyone breaching its privacy.
"What the fuck is this?" Bellamy growled, his voice dripping with hostility as he thrust the image toward the grounder, demanding answers. The grounder's silence only served to heighten Bellamy's fury, his muscles tensing with every passing moment.
"If I were you, I'd answer me right now before I make you," Bellamy threatened, his voice laced with barely contained rage as he loomed over the captive grounder.
"Bellamy don't be ridiculous." I interjected, stepping forward to diffuse the escalating tension. I took the journal from his hands, placing it back among the grounder's belongings.
"It's just a drawing, he probably saw me and Octavia in the woods." I continued, trying to rationalise the situation and ease Bellamy's growing agitation. Despite my attempts to downplay the significance of the drawing, my gut told me it wasn't just a drawing. It had to symbolise some sort of fate for Octavia and I...
"Why are you defending him?" Bellamy's voice was tinged with betrayal as he regarded me, his expression a mix of confusion and frustration. It was clear that my actions had struck a nerve, stirring emotions that lay beneath the surface.
"If I don't no one else will! Someone's got to keep you from crossing the line." I snapped back, the weight of our argument hanging heavy in the air. Bellamy tensed at my retort, his jaw clenching in response to my defiance. Before he could reply, a sudden wave of dizziness washed over me, momentarily disrupting my thoughts. I shook it off, attributing it to the stress and lack of sleep that I had become all too familiar with. Before Bellamy could challenge my retort, a heavy pounding against the drop ship hatch interrupted our exchange.
"Hey! Open the door!" Clarke's voice called out urgently, drawing our attention away from our argument. With a resigned sigh, Bellamy turned away to remove the heavy box blocking the entrance, allowing Clarke to force her way inside. In her hand, Clarke held the knife that had been buried in Finn's chest the last time I had seen him. Without hesitation, she stormed over to the grounder, holding the blade in his face with anger and determination.
"What's on this?" Clarke demanded, her voice sharp with urgency as she waved the knife in front of the grounder's face. The rest of us watched on in confusion as silence followed, the grounder steadfastly refusing to yield any answers.
"What's going on? Is Finn okay?" I stepped forward, concern etched into every word as I faced Clarke, hoping for some reassurance in her frantic expression.
"No, he just recovered from a seizure because of whatever poison was on this blade." Clarke explained, her voice tinged with urgency as she revealed the gravity of the situation. It all fell into place at that moment, all the knowing looks the grounder had been giving me. I had been poisoned...
As the others scrambled into action, I stood frozen in place, the weight of my fate settling heavily upon me. The world seemed to spin around me, each breath coming in shallow gasps as I struggled to come to terms with the enormity of what had just been revealed.
"All this time you knew Finn would die no matter what we did. What is it? Is there an antidote?" As Clarke pressed for answers, my mind raced, connecting the dots with a chilling clarity. The first person the knife touched was me... Yet, amidst the turmoil of my thoughts, a wave of dizziness washed over me, blurring the edges of my vision.
"Clarke, he doesn't understand you!" Octavia's voice pierced through the chaos, a note of desperation colouring her tone as she tried to intervene. But her words were drowned out by the voices echoing in my ears. Clutching the side of my head in an attempt to silence the ringing, I felt as if the world was spinning out of control.
The voices around me became distorted and disjointed, as if I were underwater, struggling to make sense of the muffled chaos. Feeling the relentless pounding in my head, I stepped further back from the others, desperate to find some relief. But the pain persisted, a relentless beat echoing through my skull, each pulse sending waves of nausea crashing over me.
Suddenly, there wasn't enough air. Panic clawed at my throat, squeezing tight as if invisible hands were closing around me. I gasped for breath, but it felt like I was swallowing razor blades, my throat constricting with each laboured breath.
Black dots danced at the edges of my vision, creeping inwards until the world was swallowed by darkness. The floor of the drop ship rushed up to meet me, cold metal slamming against my back as I crumpled to the ground in a heap.
Familiar screams and voices calling out to me echoed, distant and distorted, as I fought to hold onto consciousness. But the darkness enveloped me like a suffocating blanket, dragging me down into its depths until everything faded away, consumed by the void.