Juliet.
Life.
It is a humorous thing.
As his wife, you can say I loved him. But as a human being, I hated him. I stumbled through the hospital doors, my hand pressed firmly against my abdomen, crimson seeping through my fingers. I felt a sudden panic, my head yelling at me preparing for the harsh reality. What is happening to me?
I was leaning into Harry as he held me. Panic surged through my veins as I felt the warm trickle of blood, my heart pounding in my chest like a drumbeat of fear. "It hurts." I cry. "It hurts. It hurts. Please." I knew a part of me was slowly dying with each step I took. I knew I was slowly killing myself mentally. I suck in a breath, repeating the never ending words.
Tears blurred my vision, my brown eyes wide with terror as I struggled to make sense of the overwhelming pain coursing through my body. With each step, the world around me spun in a dizzying whirl, the scent of the hospital suffocating in its intensity. I closed my eyes shut.
Harry's voice pierced through the chaos like a beacon of hope, his shouts echoing off the hospital walls as he desperately pleaded for help. "Help! Someone, please help us!" His words were laced with a mixture of fear and determination, his hands shaking as he clutched me close, his own panic mirroring hers in every trembling breath. He was worried for me.
The doctors rushed towards us, and they said words that I seemed to not understand at the moment. I cried when they laid me on the stretcher, holding myself and tainting my skin with my own blood. Voices overlapped their urgency matching the frantic rhythm of my heartbeat.
"Get her into the ER, now!" One of the nurses barked, her tone sharp with urgency. My eyes searched for Harry while I gasped for air, and just as I expected, I saw him there—following behind like a lost puppy, his own eeriness and guilt trapped in his eyes and body. Harry looked scared, he looked guilty, when his eyes met mine I let out a cry, leaning my head back. I felt betrayed, hurt. It hurt so much.
I wanted to yell at him. Blame him for everything but at the same time I needed to be held, I wanted to be comforted and love. I hate feeling alone. I needed to cry in someone's arms and let out the pain I felt. I wanted to reach for him. Let him hold me—hold him, but my heart broke into a million pieces rejecting him. I couldn't let him in. Not when he hurt me. And I felt so alone. Who will I trust? Who will I trust? I'm alone. Alone. I felt so confused on what to do.
As we reached the emergency room, my cries mingled with the symphony of beeping monitors and bustling medical personnel. Fear clutched at my heart l, and uncertainty loomed over her like a dark cloud.
I sucked in a breath, my eyes shutting. Needles went into my arm, and I just grew numb.
"Hey, you're okay." Harry came to my side, grabbing my hands, and I pulled away. "No. No." I was shaking my head and trying to turn away. Harry leaned in close to me, his voice trembling with emotion. "It's okay, baby. you can do this," he murmured, his eyes locked with mine in a silent promise.
I nodded weakly, tears streaming down my cheeks as I clung to his words like a lifeline. I needed this support, even if I'd end up hurt. "I'm scared, Harry," I whispered, my voice barely audible over the hum of the machines surrounding them.
"I know, baby," Harry replied, his grip on my hand tightening with resolve. "It's okay." I shake my head, tears streaming down my cheeks, and I feel like throwing up. My eyes grow heavy, my body tingling with pain but at the same time it vanishes. Until my eyes closed shut.
Bright lights. A dream. That was where I was. At least I think I am, but when I stepped through the gates, flowers surrounding me and a sense of tranquility washed over me, enveloping me in a bittersweet embrace. I looked around in hopes of seeing something recognizable. The air was crisp and clean, carrying with it the scent of fresh flowers and distant memories. The sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting dappled shadows on the ground below, illuminating the path ahead in a soft, ethereal glow.
Everything felt bright and cold, yet strangely comforting. had never felt more at peace, yet more alone, surrounded by the echoes of a past I could never reclaim. Everything that happened to me replayed in slow motion, bringing tears into my eyes. I watched how they hurt me and how they hurt Andrea, and it was something that would never leave.
And then, amidst the quiet serenity, I saw her—Andrea, my cousin—standing beneath a towering tree. Tears welled up in my eyes, knowing my head was making up illusions. She looked too beautiful to be real—to perfect.
Her hair was back to ginger; she was smiling wide, wearing a pink and white dress. I choked, my tears falling to my knees. Even if it was fake, I had to apologize, and I did. "I didn't mean to hurt you," my voice barely a whisper as I reached out to her, desperate for the solace of her embrace, but just as you did, she disappeared in my fingers, and I cried harder.
"I'm sorry." I cry. "I should've died. I should've been the one to get hurt, not you." I swallowed and looked up at the sky. The feeling felt like a raw ache of loss and the fragile hope of a reunion.
I wonder what my life would have been like if Rose had never been my mother. Would my life be simple? Would I be able to find love without getting hurt? Would Harry and I have been together? Somehow find each other. Are we together in every universe? Does he hurt me in each one? So many question and I had no answer for any.
I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to find love. It hurt because I thought Harry would be my forever. That finally, in this fucked-up world, I would find the happiness and love I deserve. I wouldn't be hurt ever again. I saw that in him. But everything was a lie.
I saw someone who I can trust—someone I can be vulnerable with in every shape or form. He was my everything, and maybe I won't be able to love someone the way I love him. I don't know if I could live with the fact that I can't ever find love like this one again.
Harry took a part of me—loved it, cared for it, and, in the end, shattered me. I felt so broken. So alone. I don't think I would be able to fully recover from the pain that was caused by someone I married.
It was trust till the end, right? What ever happened to that? No lies? The vulnerability, the love? What happened to us and just us?
Harry.
Love.
It's a strange one. It's insane what someone would do for love. What I would do for love: Never in a million years did I imagine loving someone as much as I love Juliet.
She held my heart in her hands, and today I watched as it slowly slipped away from her. After nearly two months without her by my side, I had no idea what to do now that I had her.
She appeared vulnerable, fragile, and terrified. She was paler, and she appeared to be sick. Her brown skin is tainted with a dark, muddy color that blends with a deep crimson. I'm not sure if the blood belonged to her or someone else, but I noticed the bruises and cuts all over her pretty skin.
It drove me insane. It made me want to kill everyone who crossed my path and told me everything was fine, because it wasn't.
I broke her. I ruined my family and, more importantly, our marriage. She no longer looked at me with love and care; instead, she looked at me as if I were the monster under her bed. And perhaps I was or am a monster. I lied to her. I betrayed her, but I had my reasons, and I was afraid she would not be able to listen to me. It's not what she thinks. I had my reasons.
She cannot die like this. I'd never forgive myself. I felt tired. I hadn't slept in over a day, and my eyes and heart both felt heavy, but I couldn't fall asleep. I felt anxious. My stomach dropped, and my heart dropped. God. I was nervous, anxiety peeking through me, knowing she was in the room getting various tests and stitches and I couldn't be there. I sat outside, elbows on my thighs, and looked down at the ground. Every detail drew my attention, including the dirt and crumbs left by whoever had been here before. The orange and blue floors helped the dirt blend in. I felt like a ticking bomb ready to explode.
I could hear the receptionist typing and whispering. Probably talking about us. Making up theories about what happened while the police were undoubtedly on their way here. Every single noise bothered me; the bomb in me was going to explode, and I was afraid on who I would hurt next.
Louis sat next to me, and the rest of the group was spread out across the room. Some were drinking coffee, while others were eating. I just sat there. I think of my wife and my children. I'm a horrible person. What will I do? How will I save my family?
"Family of Juliet Styles?" I immediately stood up and walked towards the doctor. He looks up at me, probably noticing the blood on my skin, but I don't mind. Standing face-to-face, my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. I became scared. He looked at me with a half-smile. "Good morning, my name is Doctor Dean I am Mrs. Styles doctor and we ran many tests and treated her. Mrs. Styles is stable." Relief. That is all I felt. She is stable. She is alive. She's okay. My girl did it.
"Mrs. Styles has a few stitches on different places on body, bruised ribs, cuts, a concussion, and burns," he swallowed harshly. "They have all been treated, but her body is very weak, and anything can happen; she's been through a lot, from what I can see." I nodded. It should've been me. They shouldn't have hurt me. Instead of her. I will never forget when I finally got the address, and arriving watching the building burn up in flames. It was either save Juliet and ask our lives or let her die. And I went in.
"Are you aware that Mrs. Styles is expecting?" The words came out of his mouth so easily that my heart stopped, my eyes widening slightly at the news that was supposed to bring a smile to my lips but instead brought confusion and worry.
"What?" My heart thumped in my chest, and my whole world came crashing down. " pregnant?" I said the words, leaving my mouth feeling bitter. The doctor nods. "How?—I mean what? She can't. Uh, is that baby okay." I asked. A million thoughts running through my head.
How could have she gotten pregnant? She's been on the pill, and before that we used protection. Did she forget to take it? Did we somehow fuck up. Is the child mine?
Dean tells me, "The bleeding came from that; she's under a lot of stress, and if she decides to keep the baby, she needs to be on bed rest until her expected date." He reasons and looks down at his clipboard. " We still have to monitor her, and run some more tests \."
If. I felt confused. A bit annoyed. My mouth went dry. Is she really pregnant with my child? How. When? I nodded. " Is the baby okay?" I asked again. Did she have a miscarriage? Was that the reason she was bleeding?
"The baby is doing well and healthy. After running some tests, we received results indicating she is nearly in her second trimester," he clears his throat. His brown eyes dropping towards mine.
Second trimester. That can't be possible. How? How is she already in her second trimester? How did she go so long without noticing she was pregnant? Was that why Juliet was constantly sick and always craving the weirdest cravings ever?
"Mrs. Styles is currently resting. She's aware of the situation." My heart raced as a surge of inexplicable emotions washed over me. "She appears to be in shock state, a little disoriented, which is a normal response given the circumstances and all the trauma she experienced. I have a few specialists that I would recommend she visits . Let's be patient with her, allowing her to approach us when she's ready to talk. We shouldn't force it out of her; instead, we should approach her with gentleness and understanding."
I nodded repeatedly. "That means she won't be interrogated by the police, right?" Doctor nods. "As of right now, they can't ask her any questions." I nodded again, looking at him, desperate to get these words out of my mouth.
"Can I see her?" I immediately asked. "please." I would pay this man millions of dollars to be able to see her right now and hold her. I need to make sure she's okay. She's safe.
The doctor nods. "She's in room 1525." I didn't even wait for him to finish speaking, walking right past him and towards the room. Each room I passed by felt like pounds of bricks fell on top of me repeatedly. And it weighed me down, making it almost impossible to reach her room.
Finally, when I got to her room, I took a few deep breaths. With my hands resting on the doorknob, I prepared myself for the worst. Once I opened this door, I knew everything was going to change. Nothing will be the same from the moment on, and I had to find a way to love that sickening truth. I slowly opened the door, peeking inside. There she was. dressed in a hospital gown, sitting up right, blood and dirt still on her skin for the most part. Her eyes looked tired and bloodshot red. There was no emotion in her eyes as she lay down and stared straight at the door.
Juliet seemed lost, adrift in a sea of confusion and pain. Her eyes, once bright with life, now held a haunted look as they briefly met mine before drifting away. "Hi," I whispered softly, closing the door behind me, the weight of the moment hanging heavy in the air. "How do you feel?" I inquired, hoping for some sign of response, but she remained silent, her gaze fixed on her trembling hands.
Taking a few hesitant steps toward her, I felt my heart break into a million pieces at the sight of her suffering. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at her, the pain radiating from her like a tangible force. It was excruciating to witness; it hurt more than words could express. "Juliet," I whispered, my voice barely above a hoarse whisper as I struggled to find the right words. "What can I do?" I asked, desperate to ease her pain, but she remained silent, her silence speaking volumes. My eyes ran on every surface, noticing the few bandages, scratches, and not too deep cuts, blood, and mud. An unpleasant smell welcomed me, but it was nothing that made me want to push Juliet away; it just made me hate myself more because I am the reason this happened.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice choked with emotion as I reached out to touch her, but she shook her head, her eyes pleading for understanding. I took it as a sign to quiet my own pain, swallowing harshly as I fought back tears. A soft whimper escaped her lips, a solitary tear tracing a path down her delicate pink cheeks as her lips formed into a visible frown. In that moment, all I could do was be there for her, silently offering my support and love as she navigated through her pain.
"Doctors told me you're pregnant." I smile weakly. She met my eyes, and more tears fell while she laid her hands on her stomach and I looked down. She didn't look pregnant, but that didn't mean she wasn't. I just sat there on the chair for what felt like hours and hours, everyone steeping in to say their hellos but not staying long enough noticing the discomfort she had in her eyes. Juliet just stared at the wall, sometimes silent tears escaping her, other times just staring, looking lost, and utterly broken.
"I'm sorry." She whispered and looked away. "I'm sorry," she repats and cries. "I can't keep the baby," Juliet says harder. "I am not in the right state of mind right now. I can't handle my own head right now, and I don't want to bring a kid into this fucked-up world I am living in." Her tears flow so effortlessly, and my heart shatters even more. " I won't know how to love them."
"I can't be the perfect mom for this baby, and she or he doesn't deserve that. They deserve to be loved, and right now I won't be able to do that." Her lips fall into a thin line, her eyes shut tightly, and she slightly curls, a deep, wrenching, hurtful cry escaping her perfect lips. She sounded so frágil and weak.
"There's nothing to be sorry about." I answered back, biting away at the tears that threatened to spill. " I understand okay? I understand baby, Let me help you." I whispered to her, and she shook her head. Taking sharp breaths each time she could
"Go home, Harry." Juliet whispered. And I just stared at her. " please."
"I don't think you should be alone right now." I whispered back, watching her eyes and her body language.
"I want to be alone." She says instead: And it felt like a knife right to the heart. I went home. The next day I went to visit her, and she didn't even blink my way. Then I went again and took flowers, a bear, and her favorite food, and the food went cold. The bear stayed in the chair, and the flowers were gone. Then I went again to see her, and when I entered the room, her eyes fluttered shut.
Juliet pretended to be asleep, but I stayed. I read her a book, left her some fruits and her favorite food and drinks, and she didn't touch anything. She's been ignoring me for the past week; she hasn't said anything to me; just look at me. If I'm being honest, she hasn't spoken with anyone. It seemed like she was punishing us. Zayn told me Juliet did this after her mother passed away. That she became mute. She hasn't spoken to anyone in over a month, and she's still doing so.
I don't know if it's on purpose or her body goes completely shut. She resided to let anyone in. She rises to be loved by anyone.
It's like her mind controlled her, telling her to not talk to anyone. Walking back into the hospital room the next day, I prepared myself for the same silent treatment but I tried. I had to be strong for her no matter how many times my heart shattered, no matter how many times I wanted to yell at her, I wanted to talk.
"Good morning," I say as I enter the room. There she was, just lying there, staring at her food. Her eyes never met mine, but I walked towards the curtain, following the same routine as before, slightly opening the blinds.
She hated being in the dark.
"I brought you some homemade pancakes today, with bacon, and your favorite smoothie with a few cherries." I open the food lid and place it next to her. Her sad eyes followed my every movement. I asked, "Have you eaten?" and she remained silent. "Or had anything to drink?"
Biting my lower lip. I said to myself "you need to stay hydrated especially after the process you did yesterday." I was talking about the abortion, but it felt too fake to even say that. It hurt. But it was her body and her decision. I couldn't tell her what to do but support her decision and hope she can come to me in all these difficult times.
"Do you need anything?" I inquired, and she shook her head, her eyes meeting mine—a soft layer of tear covering her. "could I just be alone please?" She whispered softly, "I promise to talk about everything soon. "I want to be alone, okay?"
For the first time in what felt like a million years her eyes met mine. They looked so delicate, so soft, the brown holding a pain I knew about. That pain was caused by me. She no longer found comfort in me. Does she hate me?
I gave a nod and stood up. "I love you," her eyes fluttered shut and she looked away. Knowing she wasn't going to say anything, I backed away, walking towards the door and leaving her alone. I was angry, so angry that I wanted to blow up. Not because she kicked me out, but because I knew what was going to happen, it was all my fault, and I needed to vent my emotions. I get in my car and rush home, swerving between cars, and when I arrive, it's as if I've entered a nightmare.
I walked towards the bar, preparing myself a drink. Downing it in a second, I harshly placed the glass down. I was sucking in a sharp breath. It was like a swift gust of air with anger shouted at me, and the glass I had on my hands was sent flying across the room, shattering against the wall and scattering against the floor.
I breathed harshly, and I closed my eyes. Another spark of anger was sparking inside of me, and I threw the bottle. Liquid spilling on the floor and shattering against the harsh floor. Every throw and every yell released something from me. I ran my hands through my hair, my heart beating quicker. I felt anxious; I felt alone. " fuck." My hands banged against the countertop. I needed to let my anger out, but it wasn't coming out.
Anything that was by my side was sent flying against the room as I yelled, watching it shatter, my breath getting heavier with each item I threw.
Until finally I broke down—I felt a tear run down my cheeks, and my elbows fell on the table as I rested my head on my hands, breathing and looking at the table. Trying to suck in all the emotions. I feel a rush of nausea, and I rush towards the trash and empty out my stomach, an excruciating pain rushing past me. I take a step back, my eyes fluttering shut.
My mind wandered back to Juliet. The night we met. The night of our first kiss, when she walked in with that gold dress with a slight up to her hip, her back opened. When she looked at me with her red lips and flawless appearance, I knew I was gone. I was under her intoxicating spell. I knew after that first I wanted to be with her fully.
And I messed up. I fucked up. Because of my ignorance I couldn't be the man she deserved. She trusted me. Juliet loved me and my kids. Another tear slipped from my eyes thinking about how happy she was, the care and love she had for my daughters, how she looked at them as if they were hers. The way she looked at me, As if she was utterly in love. Would she ever love me again? Would she ever forgive me?
He way her lips would curl. Her eyes would shine and her beauty never failed to please me. She will forever be my everything. No matter he years, or the the time that passes by us Juliet will be the girl I once loved.
As long as the stars exist, my love for her will never fade.
I opened the drawer where I'd been keeping the bag of coke lately, pulling it out and lining up three lines on the table. Desperate to take my mind off of what was happening, I leaned down, ready to indulge in temporary relief. I was ready for the feeling of absolutely nothing but everything. It's a rush of warmth that spreads from the tips of my fingers to the depths of my soul, igniting a firestorm of joy and ecstasy within.
Every sound is amplified, every touch electrifying, sending tingles of pleasure coursing through my veins. It's a feeling of utter freedom, of shedding the weight of the world and soaring high above the clouds, untethered by fear or doubt.
In this euphoric state, boundaries blur and inhibitions fade away, leaving behind a sense of pure, unadulterated euphoria. It's a fleeting glimpse into paradise, a taste of ecstasy that leaves me craving more, forever chasing the elusive thrill of euphoria. That is what I wanted. That is what I needed.
I breath heavily relaxing into the state of mind. The sound of the doorbell ringing and capturing my attention. With slight annoyance I walked towards it the crunch if the glass cups, and anything that was near me crunching against the hardness of my shoe.
As I swung the door open, a familiar little squeal captured my attention, causing me to freeze in my tracks. Hands wrapped around my legs, pulling me into the embrace of the unexpected visitors. My whole face went pale as I looked down at the woman in front of me.
Her skin was golden, bearing a dark tone that hinted at days spent under a warm sun. The scent of floral perfume lingered in the air around her, but her smile faded when she noticed my expression. I took a step back, my heart racing as a wave of dizziness washed over me.
My kids stared up at me with the biggest smiles on their lips, their eager energy palpable as they bounced around in excitement. Marceline appeared tanner, her brown curls pulled up into two pigtails. She was dressed in a cozy sweater and leggings. Her smile stretched wide, but my gaze was drawn to Azriela.
Her beautiful golden hair seemed to shine even brighter, matching the glow of her sister's, both styled in matching pigtails. Her skin boasted a warm caramel tone, exuding a natural radiance that captivated me. Despite the shock of their sudden appearance, their presence filled me with a bittersweet longing, my heart torn between joy and sorrow.
I take another step back, anger rising in my chest, and the world around me spinning quicker. Is she serious? " why the hell are you here?" I asked Abby, as she made herself welcome where she didn't belong. Instead of her answering me my kids call out for me. " Daddy! Hi! I missed you."
" Harry?" Her eyes ran over me like a thousands times, like she was trying to study me. Like she was checking everything that was wrong with mw in that moment " what's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I told you not to leave until I came to get you, and that's the first thing you do?" I yelled, my voice echoing off the walls so loudly that she flinched, her eyes flashing towards my daughter. She looks at me again, her lips falling into a thin line. A few minutes passed and her mouth parts to speak but never came out.
My daughters stared up at me, frightened, but in that moment, I couldn't find it in me to comfort them. I wasn't in the right state of mind. I felt like I was insane. "I thought—" Abby began, but I cut her off.
"You thought," I laughed bitterly, tears welling in my eyes as I struggled to catch my breath. "For fuck's sake, Abigail, don't you understand how dangerous it is? If one person even hurts them, I'll—" My voice trailed off, choked with emotion, as I struggled to put my fear and anger into words. I'll kill her. If my daughters get hurt i'll kill her myself and I don't care.
"You'll what?" she yells back at me with the same force. "Kill me?" It's as if she already knows. Abby laughs bitterly and looks away, and I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. Why was I threatening her? Why did it bother me? Our bickering echoes against the walls of the house as she continues walking in. Soft cries escape from my daughters amidst all the yelling, and I have to physically walk away. It's too painful, I'm not in the right state of mind, I'm not handling things properly. " You're insane Harry." She yells. " Don't you ever dare to try and threaten me, not when I am nothing but good to you and your family."
" Don't you understand Abby, it's not safe. I can't lose my girls. I can't lose the only people I have in my life." I gritted out. I lost Juliet. I lost her mentally, and somehow a little physically and she will never be the same because of me and I can't let that happen to my girls. Juliet is numb, feels alone because of my stupid actions.
"Harry," Abby yells, gripping my forearm tightly. "What's wrong? Did something happen to Juliet?" Her eyes are filled with worry, with a multitude of emotions swirling within them. I swallow hard, struggling to find the words. " Is she dead? Louis told me she was alive."
"Are you using it again?" Abby asks, her voice filled with concern as she takes a step back, her gaze avoiding mine. "Harry, you know how you get when—"
"For fuck's sake, just leave," I yell so loudly that the cries from my daughter stop, causing Abby to freeze in her spot. We stare at each other, the tension thick in the air. "I didn't tell you to come back, did I? Just leave. And don't come back"
"Daddy," Marceline says softly, her voice breaking through the tension in the room. Instead of arguing with me further, she reaches towards my daughters. "Let's go, girls. Your father needs to be alone."
"They're staying," I interject firmly, grabbing onto Abby's wrist. I feel her suck in a breath, her eyes shutting tightly. "Get your hands off of me, Harry," she retorts, her voice strained with frustration. I stayed silent for a few moments before whispering, "I said they're not going anywhere."
Their cries grow louder as they stare up at us, fear evident in their eyes. I've scared my own kids. My heart sinks at the realization that my actions have caused them such distress.
"They're scared, Harry. You're not doing okay," Abby says, her voice pleading. "I'm just taking them to my house, and I'll be back. Please, sober up." She pulls away from me roughly, her expression filled with a mix of concern and disappointment, and walks out of the house. I stand there, watching her leave, feeling a sense of emptiness wash over me as I realize the gravity of the situation.
I was left with nothing. The three valuable pieces of my life had been taken away and now I was all alone. They're all gone.
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