Cry, my dear
but do not bleed.
mirellamarie
**********
Unfortunately, the first person I met upon exiting the car was Kanaya. Jones, who mustered himself from sleep as soon as we hit the familiar curves of his territory, greeted her. I only managed a nod of acknowledgement. She knew I was on edge; her eyes, hard and disproving as they were, were still reserved. Kanaya was scared—worried I might snap if provoked. Good. If she thinks my father's death left me unhinged then I would show her just how wrong she was.
Our packs had gathered around, awaiting our arrival. The crowds were somber, all furrowed brows and set jaws, wet eyelashes and quivering lips. Even the trees had stilled upon our arrival.
Advocate Cervantes approached from the porch. "I'll let you have the rest of the night with them, Alpha Jones. Then, tomorrow morning, bright and early, we're back to paperwork."
Jones thanked her and took my hand, drawing me into the large crowd. The path the people formed for us was intentionally narrow. As we passed by, hands reached out, laid out on any parts of our bodies they could find. The hands comforted us, strengthened us, mourned with us. Tears fell from my eyes as I looked upon Aunt Clara and Bryton, whose faces were streaked already. AJ's parents were weeping in the back of the crowd.
When we had made it through the crowd and the last of the hands fell from our shoulders, Jones' hand tightened on my own. I thought it would be harder, more nerve-wrecking, but either Jones' coaching in the car or my own anger fueled me to speak without hesitation.
"Loss has come upon our pack. Like a coward, Leyton murdered defenseless members of our family. We have lost AJ, Taylor, and our beloved Alpha Andrew."
Groans and sobs broke out from the crowd and it took all my strength to keep my tears at bay.
"We'll reconvene before the rest of the packs leave to discuss what this means for us as a pack and our next steps. But for right now, know that I will do everything in my power to make sure that when I next hold Leyton's heart in my hand, I will not show mercy."
Yells of agreement broke out and when those died down, all that was heard was the rustling of clothes.
Our family stepped back, making space to shift, even the ones newest to the pain. We waited until every single one of our members were on all fours. Then we ran.
Jones and I led our packs in a run that lasted an hour. As we circled back to the clearing we'd started in, we sat on our haunches waiting for the wolves to pile in. When it was clear the last wolf had settled in the dirt, Jones looked to me.
I started howling, a long mournful howl that channeled all my sorrow and pain. A howl that depicted my father's lifeless body, bloodied and heartless. Aunt Clara and Bryton joined in, then AJ's parents. Then everyone joined in, howls harmonizing as we expressed our hurt.
At some point, the tone of the howls shifted. Intermixed with the howls were growls and spittle. No longer were these just howls of mourning, no, they were a warning. Altogether, the cacophony of our howls translated: Leyton, we're coming for you.
*****
Jones had to drag me out of bed the next morning. We'd gotten few hours of sleep after the run and then communicating to the relatives of the deceased what had occurred. Sworn to secrecy until we could inform the rest of the pack after assimilation, AJ's parents had gone off to their tent, cursing the new moon for ever following Leyton. I'd spent hours holding my aunt and cousin, sharing memories of Taylor and my dad, laughter through tightened throats and snot. And Jones had spent hours holding me.
Somehow, despite Jones's own weariness, my mate lured me out of bed with a cup of my favorite tea. After making sure I was presentable, I meandered down to the conference room. Stepping in, I was reminded that the last time I was here, Dad had been signing papers to assign me as his beta. Now, I would be signing papers to confirm his death.
This time, present in the room were Alpha Anders, Alpha Frazier, Beta Amar, Beta Shem, Advocate Cervantes, Kanaya, Jones, me, and Castor. The latter looked utterly confused as to why he was in the room; no one had told him yet.
Once again, Advocate Cervantes made me recount the story both in writing and verbally. When I was done, I looked over to Castor, whose eyes were red-rimmed. "Do you still defend him now? What more will it take for you to realize that Leyton will destroy everything and everyone you love and still not care about you?"
Castor's hands were clenched as Beta Ty led him from the room.
Advocate Cervantes dispersed death certificates, which I signed with a trembling hand, and an official mating certificate. "You did complete the mating, yes?"
"Yes," answered Jones, sending a wink my way.
That's right—because I'd been called away to Dad's defense, Jones and I had never signed the papers. Usually mates signed their paperwork immediately after their first mating, but our situation had been anything but usual.
Next, she handed out the position change form again; Beta to Luna.
"I stayed up all night drafting the merge of your packs; I haven't attended a summit this...eventful in a while."
"I think you mean uncouth, Advocate Cervantes," Kanaya chimed in.
My hand delayed for the slightest of a second as I signed the merger. The only thing that kept me biting out a smart remark was Jones's golden orbs on me.
The Advocate raised an eyebrow at her apprentice's interjection. "Wolves have always kept me on my toes. Human jobs never held a challenge for me anyway."
"There are a few more things we need to discuss," said Jones, leaning back in his chair and folding an arm around the back of mine. I leant into him, allowing his scent to calm my rising blood pressure.
Jones told Advocate Cervantes of the theory we'd developed of the slaughter and it's motive. Her hand was a jet against the paper. She looked back over her notes, then up at me. "Why was a complaint never made against Leyton when he drugged you all?"
"It was clear from Leyton's actions that he didn't trust a single soul. My father thought it would be best to given Leyton the benefit of the doubt—to reestablish trust. Obviously it didn't work out for long, which is when Dad contacted you, started gathering evidence to build a case against him. Plus, no one sustained injuries from Leyton's drugging us no matter how uncouth—our law states complaints can only be filed when bodily, emotional, or mental harm is caused. And that was the one thing we didn't have evidence for."
"Hmm, you know your law. You'd make a good advocate for wolves."
"I think I've had enough transition for a lifetime, Advocate," I replied, not even having to think about her subtle offer. She and I both knew I was born for my paws to be in dirt, not paperwork.
She nodded. "I'll dig into pack archives and see if I can pull up anything useful around the time of the attack on your pack as well as that week Leyton left. Although I don't have your keen sense of smell, I have a habit of sniffing out traces of things people want to keep hidden. It's nearly impossible to not leave a paper trail these days. Alpha Jones, it would be helpful for you to ask around the other packs for any knowledge of these events or Leyton's current whereabouts, as well. Alphas Frazier and Anders, if you're willing, helping Jones divy up the work would help us find answers much quicker."
While the Alphas split up responsibilities, Advocate Cervantes slipped me even more papers to sign.
"Mating certificates to be signed by the both of you, as well as requests to switch packs for those choosing to live in their mate's pack," she said, her eyes flicking between my mate and I. "And I suspect there will be more once you announce the merging of your packs. There are always some who feel its the perfect time to try something new."
I nodded, rifling through the stack of papers until a pair of names caught my eyes. Malra had chosen Ty. My heart swelled with excitement for my best friend. I slid the paper over to Jones, whose lips turned up at the names.
"Looks like no one has to worry about my males and I going for runs alone anymore," said Jones, bumping his shoulder with mine.
"You can still go alone with him if you want, but mating is a privilege I'll keep just for myself, thank you."
He laughed. "No wonder Malra was so flushed when I called her back to the pack house to go get you. I thought it was just her nerves."
"She didn't even say anything about it," I frowned, signing off on it.
Jones' signature joined mine. "It wasn't the appropriate time, little mate. But what better honor than to bless them tonight?"
*****
I was never one for fancy dresses; things like human proms and weddings had me scrunching up my nose like the stench of death wafted in with manicured nails and tight-fitting dresses. Normally, I'd choose athleisure and baggy t-shirts any day. But Alpha mating ceremonies were one of the few formal festivities wolves had.
An Alpha's mating meant change in a pack—growth and new beginnings. A loyal pack celebrated every win together, but the prosperity of the Alpha usually meant the prosperity of the rest of the pack too.
And with the announcement of the merger, there was double cause to celebrate tonight, hence my dress that hugged me. A long slit cut up my thigh like I'd dragged a claw through it and the back was so low it felt like a sin. Gratefully, heels were not a custom with wolves. The dirt grounded us, reminded us of who we were. Though we could dress up, we were nothing but beasts wearing human skins.
I felt that dirt now, burying itself in the crevices between my toes as I walked to the center of the gathered wolves. It wasn't hard to ignore everyone else, despite how uncomfortable the dress was, not when Jones's eyes pulled me in. Though the moon was bright overhead, Jones's full moons were brighter than the waning crescent up in the sky.
Per custom, all artificial lights were off; our roles would be blessed only by the light of the moon. The crowd was larger than earlier today. Alpha Frazier's, Alpha Anders', Jones's and my own packs were piled into the clearing.
Jones swept my hand in his, kissing the back of it, keeping up the ruse that he was more man than his eyes were conveying he was wolf. I couldn't blame him; I wanted to devour him in his three-quarter sleeved button up.
"As you all know, I recently challenged for Tara Kenet," Jones began.
"And I accepted his challenge and mating."
A few wolf whistles broke out.
"Please join me in celebrating my new Luna! I hope you all are as ecstatic to have her leading by my side as I am."
Applause and joyous shouts broke out as Jones's parents, former Alpha Ryson and Luna Zara surrounded us. They wrapped our joined hands with cloth as silver as the moon and shoved us together as they shrouded our bodies as one. I tried to ignore the fact that my father should've been helping wrap us too.
"My Luna," Jones breathed, his nose caressing mine. "You have made my heart like the full moon. I wake yearning to serve you and, despite the circumstances, live peacefully knowing you're mine. I will protect you, fight for you, and value you. Every desire, petition, and need will be yours. I look forward to running by your side for the rest of our lives."
"My Alpha, I will follow you through every phase of the moon. I will respect you in the waning and honor you in the waxing. I will stand by your side and encourage you through the new moons and cherish and celebrate with you in the full moons. You have my loyalty, my fidelity, my heart. I will thank the full moon everyday that I am yours."
By the end of our whispered vows, the shroud had completely covered us, hiding our kisses from the packs who celebrated our union. The silver sheen from the cloth created a heavenly glow for us, magnifying the little light of the moon. When the cheers began to die down, we thrust our hands through the top of the shroud and the shouts began anew. The shroud slipped off our bodies and we laughed as we were immediately bombarded by our packs' congratulations.
Before we could be swarmed with blessings, Jones spoke again. "As Alpha and Luna, we would also like to announce the merging of our two packs. As things have been unorthodox this past week, we will accept requests to leave or switch packs, but hope the majority of you will see this merge as a strengthening of our packs, for we have much to offer one another. May the full moon bless each of you as you return to your homes and lives."
The night didn't lack in applause and congratulations. If it wasn't Jones and I receiving it, we were giving it. Many wolves had mated and were deserving of their congratulations, especially my best friend who was pawed by Ty the entire night. Jones wasn't any better though, finding every excuse to hold and touch me. His arm was nearly always draped over me in some way and in the rare instance he was pulled away, his eyes held more of a magnetic weight upon me than gravity.
Malra and I had downed a few flutes of champagne and laughed like teenagers as Drea rejected Bryton more and more creatively. Bryton, who had one too many, seemed glad Drea offered him some kind of normalcy in the chaos of the past few days.
The only one who clearly wasn't celebrating, or even smiling for that matter, was Kanaya. To my annoyance, she kept placing herself in my line of vision, as if wanting to make it known she was not happy for Jones or I. It was easy to ignore her with Jones's warm presence encompassing me, but I never expected her to approach me.
"Bet you wish your father was here to see this, don't you?" Kanaya sneered.
"Obviously," I ground out, my temper easily rising at her blatant disrespect. "There are those I wish were here and others I wish whose hearts were already in my hand. Are you trying to make sure yours is added to that list?"
"You're so easily provoked," she mused, swirling her glass which seemed untouched.
"You joke about the murder of the man who raised me and expect me to say nothing? I wonder then what your goal is? Or is this your way of showing respect?"
"I respect those who've earned it," Kanaya snapped, her teeth baring in a smile. "Not people who blatantly claw at any attention they can get it. The fact your so-called tight knit family haven't seen through you is beyond me."
"Excuse me?" I blanched at her strait forward disrespect.
"You had to cause drama during your challenge, make your Alpha's renouncement all about you, sink your claws into the most eligible bachelor, and even made your father's death all about you! It's clear you've got some issues, I would say daddy-issues, but," she shrugged.
Never did I have to put so much effort in remaining human. My nail beds were sore from the ache of my claws trying to drag themselves out, my spine trembled with anticipation of being on all fours. My vision all but blacked out except for my tunnel vision view of Kanaya, who simply sipped her drink with a smirk.
**********
Another chapter up! It's definitely emotionally charged. Just remember, grief was never meant to be felt alone. Sharing how you feel and sitting with someone, even if in silence, reminds us we don't have to bear our burdens alone.
Until next time friends!