Junkyu prepared himself to return to uni after three days of missing classes all through the previous night. He knew he wouldn't be able to avoid meeting Jihoon for they shared the same classroom; however, as he neared the uni, his heartbeat fastened with a fear to face the man. He could convince himself a thousand times more but he knew, he wasn't ready at all.
Finding Jihoon first after stepping foot inside the classroom didn't help at all, cause Jihoon too locked eyes with him.
He felt a pang of pain in his chest. Doyoung was right, Jihoon looked different. Like he had lost some weight, like he had grown some eye bags, like his eyes were tired and droopy. Like he lacked sleep. Selfish. He shouldn't be the one suffering after doing that!
Junkyu averted his gaze, walking away from that very seat, finding one at the very back, as far away as possible from Jihoon. Good thing he was late, cause the teacher arrived moments later, saving him from talking to Jihoon for at last an hour more. He should be able to brace himself in the meantime, right?
Turned out, he didn't. In fact, as the class ended, he grabbed his things, shoved them haphazardly in his backpack and rushed out of the classroom. For the gap between classes, he decided to stay out. However, he felt another pair of feet running behind him, holding his arm right outside the door.
"Junkyu! Junkyu please, listen to me!" Jihoon ran after him as he freed himself from the feeble grip to avoid talking to his 'friend'. The chase was small, cause there were too many turns and Jihoon was faster. He grabbed the other again, and this time, held on. "Please, you gotta listen to me!" He pushed Junkyu to the wall, eyes trembling and fluttering. Heavy breaths danced on his parted lips as they quivered before talking. Everything got difficult again- he thought and thought about what to say, but seeing those pained eyes, he couldn't remember anything.
Only the wrongs he did resurfaced in his memory, driving him more to the edge.
"I'm sorry." He could only breathe out, "I'm so so sorry, Kyu." He pushed his head on Junkyu's shoulder, failing to stop crying. He sniffed twice, but when the other did it too, he looked up. Junkyu's face was crumpled with pain too. Through gritted teeth, he asked, "Sorry? Where was your sorry that night, Jihoon? Where were you when I was helplessly crying on the street?"
Jihoon shook his head, "I swear I wanted to run out! You don't know how much I wanted to take back what I said! But my body was frozen, the anger, jealousy- I don't know why, Kyu, I never felt that way before, I..." He hitched his breath, "I don't know what to do when it comes to you."
Junkyu sniffed again, he pushed Jihoon a little, so there remained a considerable gap between them, "You know what? Even if you didn't ask me to, I would have left on my own. But you saying it just made everything more humiliating for me." His face scrunched up again, "Was I never anything to you? Not even a friend? How could you ask me to leave that way?"
"I'm begging you, Kyu! I'm sorry. I can say sorry to you for the rest of my life, just please, please.."
"Please what?"
"... Come back to me." Jihoon sobbed, "I can't... Live in that empty house."
"Go back to you?" Junkyu's voice changed, he pushed the other harder this time, "You're so fucking shameless, Ji. You're asking me to go back after throwing me out like trash?"
"No, don't think that way!" Jihoon said, holding him by the arms, "You're wrong, I didn't throw you out, I just let out my anger not even knowing why I felt that way." He fought back a sob, "But these two days, I kept thinking, Kyu. And I know now, why I was like that."
A tingle of curiosity ran along Junkyu's system. He asked, anticipating the answer, "Why?"
"Because I..." Jihoon sighed, trying to calm himself, "I hated that you kissed a guy who likes you. I hated thinking that you two got together. I hated thinking I had lost you even before trying." He suddenly stepped ahead and cupped the younger's face, "It's all because.." he touched his forehead with Junkyu's, ".. I fell in love with you, Kyu." He let out a deep breath, eyes wet but his lips curled upwards because of the relief he felt. Saying it in words made everything so clear, so transparent, so easy! Yes, that's exactly why. That's why, from the very beginning, he felt attracted, protective, jealous. He was fucking stupid not to notice before. He liked Junkyu. He fell for Junkyu. And even at that moment, holding that face, yes, he freaking loved that man!
And Junkyu, he stood there, petrified. His eyes shot wide, lips hanging open. Jihoon said it again, "I like you, Junkyu." Then again, "Yes, I like you, like you so much."
"God..." Junkyu mumbled. Jihoon kept saying it, "Come back to me, baby. Please, I promise I'll never hurt you. Not again. I'll treat you right this-"
Junkyu sniffed again, pushing his friend a third time, "No, you can't be saying it now, you're so fucking selfish!" He wiped under his nose, "How dare you say it now, after everything? You could have said it when I was looking for the truth all along. Could have asked me if I was really together with Ruto. You're just- making an excuse, Ji!"
"It's not an excuse." Jihoon grabbed his hand, "Kyu, I'm not saying it to make you forgive me, I- this is the truth. The reason why that night happened."
"Do you do that to someone you like?" Junkyu asked, frowning, "I don't think so." He yanked his hand away, "So don't ask me to go back to that kingdom of yours."
"Kyu, trust me, please, I really like you, and it hurts me to-"
"What's that got to do with me?" The younger coldly answered, "You like me, that's on you. It doesn't concern me."
"Don't you too?" Jihoon took his arm, "Everything we did, every good thing- didn't it affect you too?"
Junkyu hardly lies. But when he does that, seriously, it's like a harsh slap across the face. "It didn't." He turned to Jihoon, then with ice cold eyes, said, "Keep it in mind, Park Jihoon, I don't like you. Not at all. In fact, at this moment, looking at your filthy face, all I can think about is how much I hate you." He spoke the last sentence at the elder's face, poking his forehead with an index. Jihoon stumbled backwards from the impact, but the shock held him in place.
"Junkyu.. you can't be.."
And then, the younger once again freed himself, before leaving the place for his class again. Jihoon stood there for God knows how long, but when the weight of his own heart, his own actions felt too burdensome to stand still, he moved. With a hollow emptiness and a terrible sense of loss, he turned to the other direction. He didn't even wanna go back to his class, for, he feared to show his filthy face to his angelic friend who ended up hating him.
Why did it hurt so bad??
-
Jihoon skipped the next few classes and returned home- the empty space that saw his pain for the last three days. He didn't know what got into him that night- he was never that rude a person, driven so hard by anger and possessiveness. It's all messed up when it comes to Junkyu. He couldn't wrap his head around those feelings. Gosh! He was so terribly evil! How could he begin to say all those shits?
Like what was Junkyu's fault? Nothing. He could kiss anyone, go out with anyone. It's Jihoon who failed to put a label on them beforehand.
Well, it didn't mean he couldn't feel hurt. In fact, the guilt and regret kept eating his insides. He called his friend that night, only to get his call rejected. He wanted to run out, look for Junkyu, bring him back home, but the jumbled emotions in him held him at place. Held him to cry till the morning sun peeked through. His head hurt, his eyes hurt. His throat was dry and he couldn't think clearly.
He probably would have stayed like that until some visitor disturbed him. It was Yoshi, who was about to throw hands. Good thing Yoshi didn't but he threw some very harsh words, condemned him for doing or saying those and that did it for Jihoon. He apologized. He admitted to every wrongdoing of his, and explained everything to Junkyu's only friend. It helped him a lot, and Yoshi felt sympathetic as well. Because of him, Jihoon could hand over Junkyu's money, a few of his clothes and other necessary stuff, and ask him to look after the said guy, cause, well, he knew he wouldn't be forgiven.
Yet, seeing the pretty male at the uni after three days destroyed every bit of composure he had built. He ran after the man, apologized but as expected, Junkyu didn't care. In fact, he said he hated Jihoon.
And honestly, it hurt him more than his guilty conscience did for all these days.
He got back home, went to Junkyu's room, sat down on his bed and covered his eyes. Deep sighs left him, probably tears too? He couldn't really feel it. For the last few days, his life had been tragically lonely, eventless. He missed Junkyu. So much. He wanted to be next to the happy, smiley, cute male again, but-
Jihoon heard a knock on the door.
"Come in." He said, his voice harsh and dry. A shorter male peeked his head through. Jihoon saw his friend, Hyunsuk on the door.
"Jesus, what happened to you? Why are you here?" The said guy walked in, holding a packed meal and some beer. Jihoon sat up. He felt relieved seeing his friend but also, a bit disappointed? He expected someone else, albeit knowing it's impossible to see Junkyu at that point.
"Hyunsuk hyung? Hi." He tried smiling, but his dry lips kinda hurt.
"Park Jihoon, what the hell happened? You look terrible!" Hyunsuk pulled a chair and sat on it, "Three days, no call, no text, we thought you disappeared or something!"
Jihoon chuckled, "Were you worried about me?"
"Hell I was!" Answerd the other, "Come on now, spill. No, first, wash up, be a decent human being."
Jihoon listened to him, washed his face. He left a sigh seeing Junkyu's stuff still there. What would have happened if he hadn't snapped that way that night? What would have happened if he decided to listen and told him the truth afterwards? Would Junkyu like him back and would they have been all lovey dovey together?
Struggling not to sigh anymore, he walked out. He felt too lazy to go back to his room, so he settled on the same bed again, turning to look at a worried Hyunsuk.
"Something happened with Junkyu, right?" He asked. Jihoon didn't try to hide it, as he nodded. He felt his hyung put a palm on his wrist, "Tell me."
And then Jihoon repeated everything he told Yoshi that day. A lot sober and organized. He knew Hyunsuk never really liked Junkyu, but even he seemed yo sympathize with the poor boy. By the end, he gasped, "That was really bad, Jihoon ah."
"I know." Jihoon bitterly chuckled, "I fucked up real bad."
"What are you going to do now?"
"Hm?" Jihoon asked, "About what?"
"Come on." Hyunsuk explained, "You can't be like this. Look at what you're doing- acting like a divorced middle aged man. You need to cheer up." He patted the younger on the arms, "I understand that he's a good friend and you feel guilty about it. But he made it clear, right? He doesn't wanna talk to you again. And it's normal, hm?" He paused then continued again, "Him and you- look at you two. From two different worlds. He doesn't understand you and you don't either. You can't expect him to forgive you when you're here living your best life, so let's forget about him and-"
"You're right." Jihoon's eyes suddenly lit up, "He won't forgive me if I'm here living my best life." He smiled at Hyunsuk, "You're a genius, hyung!"
"Eh?" Hyunsuk blinked upon utter confusion.
"That's right! Why didn't I think of it??" Jihoon sprang up to his feet, looking everywhere in the room, "Gosh! I was gonna give up without even doing this?"
"Jihoon, what-"
"Hyung!" The younger looked at his friend, "I'm gonna win him back, just you wait." He grinned, eyes filled with passion and determination. "Gotta prove to him how much he means to me. He can't keep hating me that way- I know it!"
And just like that, leaving a confused Choi Hyunsuk seated on the chair, he started planning his next move to win the man's heart that he was so close to winning once.
-
Any guess on Ji's next move?