The three girls accompanied Israh down the stairs. She took a moment to take a deep breath before entering the living room, Tamannah's hand coming to squeeze her arm reassuringly.
The chatter died down immediately, everyone's eyes on her. Jamal bhai was grinning up at her from where he sat beside abbu, ammi next to him. Bhabhi had Mariam on her lap and Hamza had hurried over to Israh holding her hand shyly.
She smiled down at him and held his hand tighter, as ammi urged Jamal to sit elsewhere so Israh could sit between her parents instead. She didn't dare look up at Asad, but she smiled at the other two people she hadn't yet met.
Ammi had told her that Asad's maamu and maami would be attending the function, so she expected them but between the jitters and jokes she'd forgotten they'd be here.
She was now a little more familiar and less awkward with her future in-laws, but these new people made her self-conscious. She was hyper aware of their gazes on her, of how she sat and smiled and looked around.
"MaShaAllah boht pyaari hai aapki beti." (Your daughter is very pretty) The Maamu spoke. Israh didn't remember his name, but she quickly glanced up at him to acknowledge the compliment, before returning her gaze to her fidgety fingers on her lap.
"Aur acchi qismat bhi. Humaara Asad hai hi itna accha." (And she is lucky too. Our Asad is just so nice)
That felt like a weird, backhanded compliment slash comment from the maami, and Israh sneaked up a glance at Asad. He looked so dapper and well put-together. His near-golden eyes stunned her, and when he leaned toward his mother to whisper something into her ear, Israh couldn't tear her eyes off his lips. They were perfect.
And kisseable.
Nicely moisturised.
If Israh could facepalm herself right now at that ridiculous thought, then she would. Instead, she straightened up in her seat and caught her friends' eyes. All three of them watched her knowingly, and she blushed because they'd seen her inappropriate stare on Asad's mouth, and they wouldn't let her live it down for another second.
"Nazar neeche." (Gaze down) Aliya mouthed at her with a stern gaze. She'd always been like the mother of the group and today was not an exception.
Israh sighed and did as told, but she was getting impatient now. Everyone was just talking amongst each other, and she was just sitting between them awkwardly.
Her eyes betrayed her, and she looked up at Asad again, seeing how he looked more anxious than her. His gaze was troubled as he chewed on his bottom lip, his knee bouncing up and down as if restless.
She wondered whether he was having second thoughts, whether he was thinking about the other girl, whether he really was sure about this relationship or not. If he wasn't then she hoped he said so right now, because once the engagement was done, there was no turning back.
Yes, it wasn't marriage, but an engagement was still a big deal in her family and society. Israh would be deemed suspicious if her engagement broke. Everyone would be tuning in for the gossip and rumours would grow like wildfire. A fire that'd taint her, kill her.
After all that went down with the Aneesa scandal and how bitter the situation between Jamal bhai and his wife was, a broken engagement was not something her parents would be able to bear.
He hasn't even looked at me, she thought.
"Humaari Hafsah agr last minute manaa naa krti to..." (if our Hafsah didn't refuse at the last minute then...) His maamu trailed off from a conversation that Israh was just now focusing on.
Time seemed to stop. Sidra and Sikander exchanged confused glances, Ruqayya and Ahmed doing so too but not in a confused way. They were concerned. Like they'd been caught off guard.
Israh realised that other than her and Tamannah, nobody else knew from her family and friends that Asad used to like someone else.
One glance at Asad and he had an irritated expression showed on his face as he sat there between his parents stiff and uncomfortable.
"Kiya matlab, Hafsah koun?" (What do you mean, who Hafsah?)
Maamu and maami did not seem to get the hint. "Humaari beti." Maami spoke, a remorseful look in her eyes.
Read the room! Israh's head was spinning.
"Accha khaasa rishta chal raha tha, phir pata nhi kiyaa hua dono ko beech k shaadi k do hafte pehle dono ne manaa kr diya." (A good relation was going on and then I don't know what happened between them, that they broke off two weeks before the wedding)
Ammi stiffened beside Israh. The atmosphere was tense and heavy, a silence lingering in the room. Israh looked at Asad who refused to meet anyone's eye, then at her friends, specifically at Tamannah.
Tamannah looked just as conflicted and alert, but nodded at her reassuringly.
"I don't understand. Was Asad engaged before?" Abbu asked.
Before maamu or maami could speak again, Ahmed uncle spoke up to try and save the situation. Israh held her mother's hand and squeezed it, as the two looked at each other, Israh hoped that her mother could understand what she was trying to relay. It's okay. It doesn't matter.
"Nhi bhai (no brother), it was just a temporary thing. It's been over for quite some time. Maazi ki baatein, you know." (Things of the past, you know)
"No, I don't know. You should have told us before."
"Bhai-"
"Me and Hafsa were engaged, uncle. For two years." Asad interrupted. Israh held a breath. "We grew up together and we were quite close, so everyone thought it would be a good decision to get us married." He was looking down onto the floor, not at anyone in particular.
Israh watched him carefully, listened to the changes in volume and tone of his voice, observed the way he fidgeted his fingers and the way he breathed shakily.
"I told ammi and abbu to share this with you, but unfortunately they didn't. I apologise for that, and we'll accept any decision you take now."
Abbu rubbed his hands on his face and shifted uncomfortably, before getting up and beckoning Ahmed to follow him. Ammi and Ruqayya followed them too to the kitchen.
This was not how Israh thought the event would happen. She expected smiles and compliments, not misunderstandings and disappointments.
Her outfit made her skin itch now. She wanted to rip it off and change into something more comfortable.
Asad still hadn't looked at her. Not even on glance. Not a smile. Nothing.
"Why did you break off the engagement then?" Jamaal bhai asked, his question directed accusingly at Asad.
Tamannah, Noor and Aliya came to sit beside Israh who now felt suffocated. She was annoyed and the annoyance was gripping her chest achingly. They tried to soothe her, tell her it'd be okay, but she didn't care anymore. She just wanted to get out of here.
Hamza still clung to her, climbing onto her lap as he often did if things started getting messy. She pulled him in closer and embraced him.
Asad sighed. "We...we just wanted different things from life."
"And you didn't realise that in the two years?"
"No."
"How can-"
"Bhai." Israh spoke up at last, irritation evident in her tone. "It doesn't matter. That was all in the past."
Now Asad looked at her. Now his gaze heat up her skin, but now she refused to give him her attention.
"This isn't about the past, Israh. This is about lying and hiding things from each other."
She stood up abruptly with Hamza on her hip, her heart hammering in her chest. "As if we haven't hidden anything from them!"
Tamannah held her hand and Aliya murmured something in her ear, something about calming down and relaxing but how could she? This was her life! Today was supposed to be about her, but now it was about some other stupid girl who wasn't even here.
"Israh." Bhai called her sternly. "Let the adults talk."
She scoffed. She put Hamza down near bhabhi, before marching over to the kitchen and opening the door. She called out to her parents, demanded they come out.
When they did, she walked back to the living room and took a deep breath. Asad, his maamu and maami, bhabhi and bhai all had gotten up from their seats, confused and wondering what the heck she was up to.
"Abbu," she turned to her father, "Asad had already told me about his previous relationship. He didn't lie or hide anything from me, and neither did I care about his past. I didn't tell you and ammi because it doesn't matter. I have no issue with whatever happened in the past."
Before abbu could say anything else, Israh focused on Jamal bhai at that moment and his argument. "Even if he did hide that stuff, then why don't we take a moment to reflect on how many things we have hidden from them?"
Israh addressed Ruqayya and Ahmed next. "Did my parents tell you what happened with my sister Aneesa?" They knew she had an older sister, they just didn't know what had happened with her. They thought Aneesa had moved to some other country with her husband.
"Israh, enough." Sidra came to her daughter, panicked about what was happening.
"Nhi, ammi. They deserve to know what kind of family we are too. If Asad's stupid past relationship matters so much, then our sh*t matters just as much."
Israh could see the anger rising in Jamal bhai's expression, and she saw the apprehensiveness and alarm on Sikander's face too. Her mother's grip on her arm was so tight, Israh was sure she was going to block her blood circulation.
Turning back to Ruqayya and Ahmed who were now utterly speechless about her behaviour, Israh took a deep breath and spoke. "Aneesa was in a relationship with someone she loved, out of wedlock. When my parents found out, they forced her to marry our cousin. He beat her every day and almost cut her off from us, so she left her husband and child, and ran away. Far from us. She never looked back, never contacted us again and we didn't try to look for her either."
Asad's gaze was scorching her skin now. She was heaving. And crying. Her voice was tremulous, her breaths shaky. "That's the kind of family we are." She said as she looked at him. "We judge others quickly, we throw around blames, we get angry and it blinds us. We love too much or hate too much, there's no in between. So, I apologise for it all too, and we'll accept any decision you make now."
A heavy silence ensued. Israh turned away from everyone and headed upstairs to the bedroom, unable to take it for any longer. This was why she wasn't keen on marriage. This was why creating relationships and friendships was so hard, because her own family, including herself, was so broken and flawed. And despite that brokenness, her family was quick to point fingers at others.
"Israh. Open the door, yaar!" Tamannah called.
Israh ignored her and sat on her bed, clutching the sheets tight in her hands as she willed her heart to stay down in her ribcage and not rip out of her skin. She knew she should have let the adults talk. She knew she shouldn't have interfered.
In all honesty, Israh didn't even know what washed over her. She was never this impulsive. Usually, she was good at burying her feelings and especially her rage. She was good at hiding what she truly thought and felt about someone or something.
"C'mon babe, let us in. Please!" Noorie pleaded.
White noise filled her ears, her heart refusing to slow down. It hurt her. Everything hurt. And spun.
She eyed her mehndi (henna). Aliya had hidden an A into one of the detailed flowers drawn near her ring finger. A for Asad.
Anxiety thrummed under her skin, a familiar nausea rose up her throat. She grabbed her phone and texted the group chat: All of you please leave. I wanna be alone right now.
Aliya was the first one to reply. "Okay, Israh. We'll leave if that's what you really want. But call us if you need anything at all okay? You know we're here for you always."
"Yeah, Israh. Are you sure you don't need us?"
She texted: I'm sure. Please just go now.
A few moments later, after they were done murmuring among themselves, Israh heard their steps going downstairs. She shifted from the bed to the floor now, as sobs racked her body.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
But maybe it was good. Maybe her and Asad just weren't meant to be.
Allah's plans were never wrong.
Everything was going to be fine.
But somewhere deep down, Israh prayed that they were meant to be. She hoped that Asad would still want her, that Ruqayya and Ahmed didn't think bad of her. She hoped they didn't assume that Israh's character was that of her sister's. She hoped that they still liked her enough to understand her, that they gave her just one more chance.
And then it hit her.
"Fine. I will move on, Israh. But you'll never be happy. I'll pray every day that you'll never be happy. You betrayed me. Remember that."