There is mentions of a toxic relationship that involves verbal abuse as well as emotional neglect and domestic violence. There is written confrontation within the chapter as well, so please do not read any further if these topics are sensitive to you.
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╰┈➤ 𝐒𝐚𝐧'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ੈ✩‧₊˚
San closes the front door behind him, chewing on his lower lip, eyes drifting upwards to spot Sun-hee staring at him from the middle of the room with her arms folded to her chest. He could visibly see her anger, let alone feel the tension radiating between them, not to mention that this entire argument is exactly what he had been trying to avoid all along.
"What the hell was that about?"
"What?" San's voice raises slightly, irritation growing in his tone.
"Why the fuck are you chasing after him?"
"Because I care about him? Do I need permission to go check on him?!"
"Uhm, yeah! You do, in fact! I'm your girlfriend, in case you forgot." Sun-hee rolls her eyes, phone stuck in her hand.
San glances down at her phone, then looks away, moving into the kitchen to fish a bottle of soju out of the fridge. He needed to access her photos and her messages if all of this was even a fraction of the price it was costing. This wasn't how he had wanted to spend his morning, but he wanted to break everything off. He wanted a real relationship with Wooyoung, but this entire plan he had thought up with Hongjoong and Mingi was burning everything he had into ashes.
"Oh yeah, San. Drink more alcohol. Everyday that you decide to do that, the more that you'll eventually turn into your mother."
San stops in his tracks, closing the refrigerator door, the cold bottle of soju glued to his palm. "What. . . did you just say?"
"You heard me. Do you want to become an alcoholic, San?"
"No, what the fuck are you on about?"
Sun-hee scoffs. "Maybe if you didn't drink soju every fucking day that you were awake, none of this would be happening."
"This?" San's brows furrow. "What the fuck do you mean by this?"
"You're cheating on me, obviously." Sun-hee raises a brow. "Don't worry, I knew you'd fall for his annoying ass, anyway. I saw this coming."
San is baffled, to say the least. He has no idea what she thinks she's talking about, let alone what she thinks she knows, but he had only just slept with Wooyoung last night. There was nothing more than that.
"You're not so innocent in this, either." San eyes her warily, trying to gauge her mood, but she is nearly unreadable. "You've been horrible to me. You don't treat me well, and you're so fucking obsessed with Wooyoung that it's the only thing we talk about anymore."
"How am I supposed to act when my own boyfriend is getting married to another man?"
San rolls his eyes. "Oh, bullshit! You've known about this agreement for months! This isn't new! I told you that if you weren't okay with it, that I'd back out of it. But you saw– what? The possible money outcome? The chance of an empire if I'd divorce him and make profit split half-way? Is that what you wanted? You wanted me to sacrifice everything just because you wanted to be rich and fucking famous?"
"You don't fucking know me, Choi San! I'm not a gold digger!"
"You're something, alright." San huffs, leaning against the countertop with his palms.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Sun-hee approaches, a cold look smeared across her expression. San leans backwards slightly, his breath stuck in his throat. Even if he was intimidated by the memories flashing past his eyes, the anger in his heart burned.
"That I can't fucking stand you." San pushes back, returning the cold gaze. "You're not who I met over a year ago. You've fucking changed into someone who's obsessive and greedy, and you only want things done your way or it's against your rules. Not to mention, I can't remember the last time that you've said that you love me, let alone saying anything nice to me."
"You're a liar." Sun-hee frowns, tears bridging in her eyes. "I hate you."
"You're manipulative and a piece of shit." San quips back, eyes narrowing. "I hate you, too. Get the fuck out."
Everything is a blur. Sun-hee grabs her purse and her shoes, storming out of the apartment without another word.
That was it. It was over. Sun-hee was gone.
He should feel elated, relieved; anything but what he is feeling. Regret seeps into his pores, followed by a wave of guilt and an absurd amount of grief. A relationship, one that he protected and swore himself to for over a year had just vanished from his fingers so easily. He had spent so long defending her personality and her position in his life, but at what cost?
He hadn't been completely honest with Wooyoung. She was verbally abusive consistently, not to mention manipulative and overwhelmingly obsessive every moment that she breathed. He knew she was all of those things, and he wasn't blind to it. But what could he have done? He was stuck, forced into a position where he cared so much about Wooyoung that he never wanted anything to happen to him. So he stayed complacent, allowing the neglect and emotional abuse to continue over weeks on end, struggling to comprehend how the person he had once loved with his entire being melted into a fraction of the person she used to be.
The ache of familiarity bleeds from his open wounds, latching onto the fleeing grip of everything he had known and found comfort in, gone with a blink. He was alone again, abandoned over jealousy and toxicity, sending him back to the core memory of him once sat in the corner of his room, hugging his legs, telling himself that it would all be okay.
His face finds his hands as he leans into the counter, stuck in a whirlwind of emotions that he can hardly bear to begin to grasp. His heart was a jumbled mess, aching and freed all in one notion, grappling with the feeling of finally being able to breathe without Sun-hee staring down his neck at his every move. He could be with the one person he wanted, the one person that had oddly begun to feel like a sanctuary away from his pain; the one person he was slowly beginning to fall for. Wooyoung had provided a light in his darkness, a moon in his field of stars, a beam of sunshine in his darkest storm; he had become everything San had been searching for in his misery of loneliness.
He had just hoped that Wooyoung would accept him and realize the miscommunication brought before them, especially knowing that the only reason Sun-hee had been at the apartment was in a plan to finally just get rid of her. He knew it looked suspicious, and he knew how it must've seemed after they had just slept together. But, he meant every word he had said. He wanted Wooyoung completely, and he was ready to give himself to him in every possible way, hoping that Wooyoung would just let him.
He wasn't entirely sure where Wooyoung had gone, but he wanted him back. He wanted to talk and to hug him, to let him know that he never meant to hurt him, but because of Sun-hee's restless tendencies, he knew he needed to enact his plan to rid himself of a leech.
It was still early, plenty of time within the day to smooth things over before things tumbled out of hand. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do, not only to Wooyoung, but to himself, coming to terms with how much his heart had begun to change without even realizing it.
Tears continue to cloud his vision, but the more he cries, the more he feels himself heal, the once gaping would slowly stitching together in an effort to mend itself. He knew he'd forgive himself with time, even if he felt like a shell of a person at the moment. Mistakes happen, he was only human; he'd just have to come to terms with how wrong he had acted. Selfishly, he had hoped that Wooyoung would listen to him expel all of his aching wounds in the form of words, only to forgive him without refusing him.
So, he decides to text him. Praying that he'd come back home.
We need to talk.
Please come home.
It was short and to the point, but it would hopefully be enough to drag the younger towards the apartment so they could talk.
On top of his momentary heart-break, his lingering headache from his angry phone call this morning with his now-ex began to make itself known. The ache began in his temples, likely from irritation and built-up stress, once subtle and now slowly growing in strength. He knew his blood pressure was high, which had unknowingly made his headache worse, but having drunk a bit of his soju, he finds himself stuck because he realizes that he cannot mix painkillers and alcohol.
Karma. San scoffs at himself.
Maybe this was the universe telling him to keep himself in check, making sure that he was fully aware of his feelings before diving into things so blindly, almost as if anything he did wouldn't affect anything else.
After a long few minutes spent pitying himself, he wipes away the tears lingering on his lash line, taking a steadying breath as he peers down at his phone, spotting a message from Wooyoung.
Wooyoung
I'm in the elevator.
San makes his way towards the front door, pushing down and turning the handle as he glances out into the hall, just in time to see Wooyoung stepping out of the elevator. The brief, subtle eye contact they made sends a chill of worry to tumble down his spine, and for a moment he wonders if Wooyoung had been angry with him. But, he couldn't blame him. He'd be angry, too.
"Hey," Wooyoung murmurs, stepping back into the apartment.
"Hi," San closes the door, watching as Wooyoung kicks off his shoes with a breath. "Can we please talk?"
Wooyoung folds his arms against his chest, gaze downcasted, walking towards the kitchen island. "Go ahead."
"I didn't mean to make you think I was leading you on." San begins gently, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "I wanted to tell you what was happening–"
"San, if you love her and you still want to be with her, then don't pretend that you want me."
"What are you talking about?"
"I've done this dance before. I've sat by and watched people use me over and over again just to get off or whatever. I'm not doing that again. I get that we're going to be married or whatever, but that doesn't mean you can just toy with me."
"Wooyoung, no. I meant everything I said–"
"Then why the fuck was she here?" Wooyoung's eyes brimmed with tears, and for a moment, San could feel his heart aching all over again.
"It was Mingi and Joong's idea. It was a stupid plan that went wrong." San sighs, stepping closer subtly. "I was trying to end things with her, Woo. Please believe me."
"I want to." Wooyoung's brows pinch, tears rolling down his cheeks. "But you left me this morning. You didn't bother to tell me anything. How am I supposed to believe you when you lied to me?"
"Woo, I didn't lie to you. Not on purpose, at least. I thought I could have her gone by the time you woke up–"
"Now that sounds bad." Wooyoung frowns. "If you wanted to break up with her, why wouldn't you clue me in? We talked for over an hour last night. You had all the time in the world to tell me then."
"I didn't mean it like that. You can ask Mingi and Joong, I genuinely only want you. I don't want anyone else in my life. She doesn't mean anything to me anymore."
"I think you need to get your head clear." Wooyoung sniffles, wiping away his tears. "I need a bit of time alone. I don't– I don't know how to feel right now. I want to believe you, but I can't sit here and tell you that waking up to all of that after hearing you tell me how much you wanted me–"
More tears sink down Wooyoung's cheeks, eyes red, heart visibly breaking. "It hurt. So incredibly bad. Everyone who has wanted me in the past has left, and that– this morning? I felt that pain all over again."
"I'm sorry." San closes the distance between them, but Wooyoung looks away.
"Please just–" Wooyoung takes a few steps towards his room, glancing at San before looking away again. "I just need a bit of time."
"I'll be here." San tries to assure with a faint smile. "Please come get me when you're ready."
Wooyoung walks away without another word, and San's heart begins to shatter all over again.
He didn't want this, but at the very least, he understood. He didn't realize how truly hurt Wooyoung must've been. He couldn't imagine the pain Wooyoung must've endured, given that his past slowly began to unfurl before his eyes. He wouldn't push the younger to explain his memories to him, but he wanted to understand.
He wanted to console him and reassure him in regards to everything that had happened. He meant every single word and meant every single kiss, wanting to lose himself and give the entirety of his heart to him. He wanted the chance to make everything right, to fix all that he had broken.
But he had to give him time. He couldn't rush Wooyoung's process of handling his emotions, and if he needed to do that alone, San would grant him his wish without protest.
Evening settles on the apartment, sunshine fading into dim moonlight that falls through parted curtains and into the living space. San sat on the couch, staring dejectedly at the television as he waited for Wooyoung to re-emerge from his room. He hasn't been able to eat or think, nor has he been able to respond to the endless amount of messages from Mingi and Hongjoong.
They were curious and cared a lot about his well being, but he didn't want to worry them. The situation was still unfolding, so there wasn't much to tell anyway, and the last thing he wanted to do was cause unnecessary panic over something that wasn't even dealt with.
His headache was persistent at this point, eyes lulling as boredom overtakes every emotion that dares to cross his subconscious. He didn't want to think, nor did he want to feel anything, allowing himself to become numb and immune to everything. He had spent an awful long time crying and feeling bad for himself, so now he rests, entirely devoid of emotions, hoping that Wooyoung would want to talk before the day passed.
He wanted to go check in, open his door and just offer his company, but he knew that Wooyoung didn't want to see him right now. He was likely on the phone with Seonghwa or Yeosang, confiding his worries and gathering the courage to continue their conversation, and San can't even bring himself to blame him. He was happy that Wooyoung had a support system and could easily go to them with anything. But knowing that he was the cause of his pain only made his will to go to him stronger and harder to ignore.
It was nearly ten in the evening at this point, a suffocating twelve hours having passed since he had broken up with Sun-hee. He hadn't heard from her, nor did he care to, removing most of her pictures from his phone and changing her name within his contact list. Moving on from everything they had would be hard, he knew that. But if losing her meant a happier, healthier life; he wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again.
The click of a closing door immediately drags San's attention towards the corridor, spotting Wooyoung walking out of the darkness, a blanket wrapped around his torso. San looks at him, too afraid to say anything, hoping that he escaped the clutches of isolation to talk.
"San?"
"Yeah?"
"I need you to tell me everything."
"I will tell you whatever it is that you want to know." San says quietly, doing his best to reassure the male and entice him to come closer. Wooyoung does just that, his blanket slightly dragging behind him as he shuffles over, planting himself down on the couch near San.
San wants to comment on how cute the male had looked, seemingly trying to comfort himself in his hoodie and blanket burrito, but he refrains from doing so.
"Can you tell me what your plan was?"
"The plan I made with Joong and Mingi?" San asks timidly, and Wooyoung nods. "Oh, well, the best we could come up with was trying to get a hold of her phone in an attempt to delete anything she had of me on there."
"You know she likely has backup storage, right?" Wooyoung asks, and San glances away, slightly smiling in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"We didn't think of that. Wouldn't have crossed my mind, honestly. I should've told you though, you're right. I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to be with her anymore before I came home yesterday. I was going to break up with her today by deleting everything off of her phone and letting her loose any way I could, but it clearly didn't work that way."
"I understand that. . . now. Trying to process everything I witnessed this morning was hard. I don't like being left in the dark, San. I wish you would've told me."
"I know. I'll never do that again. It was wrong of me, and had I known this would happen as a result, I would do everything differently."
Wooyoung shifts, gaze downcasted. "Do you regret sleeping with me?"
"Not even a little bit." San watches as Wooyoung looks up at him just barely, and he can faintly see the etch of a smile curling on his lips before he looks away again. "I wanted that just as much as you did."
"You meant every word of what you said?"
"Of course I did. I would never lie to you intentionally, Wooyoung. I was stupid and I made a mistake in thinking that I could get rid of her obsessive ass so easily. I should've confided in you, and for that, I'm sorry."
A momentary silence unfolds between them, and San can't help but feel anxious, wondering what thoughts had been coursing through Wooyoung's mind.
"I forgive you." Wooyoung breathes quietly, hands toying with the edges of his sleeves timidly. "I understand why you did what you did, and I'm not going to sit here and hold it against you."
San lets a breath tumble through his lungs, one that is filled with relief and understanding. "Thank you, Woo."
"Can I–" Wooyoung's brows pinch. "Can I ask why she was here so early?"
San's jaw tightens. He doesn't enjoy the memory of how his morning had started, but if Wooyoung wanted to know, he wasn't going to hide anything from him anymore.
"She called me really early this morning and demanded to talk to me. I had ignored her almost all of yesterday, but she couldn't give me the space you told her that we both should get. Her text messages turned from sad and self-pitying, into mean and narcissistic. She started degrading me and telling me that if I didn't talk to her that she was going to go to my father and show him pictures of us in bed together– pictures that I didn't know she had. She was blackmailing me, and in an effort to smooth over everything, I told her to come by."
"San," Wooyoung shakes his head slightly, brows furrowed, expression laced in shock. "I'm sorry."
"I'm surprised you didn't hear us arguing this morning. She was yelling and crying and wouldn't stop arguing with me until I told her that I was sorry. I wasn't, and I'm still not, but it was what she wanted to hear. Her entire demeanor changed after that and she ordered us breakfast, but I haven't had the stomach to eat anything. She ate and I just sat there, contemplating on the mess I had gotten myself into."
"So you haven't–?" Wooyoung's eyes wet with tears again, his once calming demeanor falling apart again as he realizes the reality of what had happened beyond his bedroom door.
"I didn't have it in me to eat, not when I knew what was coming. I was fully expecting her to be in a rage when I broke it off with her, but she just stormed out. There's nothing left between her and I, Wooyoung. We're done."
San looks at Wooyoung, watching his expression fall into a state of concern. He scoots closer, knees bumping into San's thigh as he sits cross-legged on the couch, opening his arms in an extension of comfort. "C'mere."
San wraps his arms around Wooyoung, pulling the male closer, burying his face into Wooyoung's neck, trying to calm his aching heart. He had gone through an entire encylopedia's worth of emotions in the last twelve hours, and now that he was here and holding the one person he longed to have more than anything; the only thing he feels is comfort.
"I'm sorry." San mumbles into Wooyoung's hoodie. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Can you look at me, Sannie?"
San doesn't protest, leaning away slightly, just enough to maintain eye contact with the younger male.
"I believe you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that I need to trust you and your intentions. Hearing everything you had just said makes me feel so incredibly bad knowing that you were doing all of that for me. I wish I would've relaxed and gave you time to explain what had happened."
"Don't apologize to me for coping, Wooyoung. What happened to you in your past was a horrible thing that no one should ever have to go through. I never want to make you relive any of that, and I will make sure to do better because you deserve better. I want you to be happy and I want to give you everything. I want to give you all of me, Wooyoung, but only if you'll let me."
Wooyoung smiles at him, a tear slipping past accidentally as it curls down his cheek. San catches it, wiping it away with his thumb, tucking his hand gently against the male's jawline as he holds the younger's face in his palm. Wooyoung had always been so beautiful, even when he was crying.
"I've only ever wanted you, Sannie. You can have my heart, but only if I can have yours."
San smiles back, his own tears slipping past. "You've always had my heart, Wooyoung."
Wooyoung closes the distance and kisses him gently, and San can't help but sigh into the kiss. All he longed for was this. He couldn't ask for anything more than what he had now, feeling so incredibly at peace that it felt hard to describe with words.
"Listen–" San mumbles between kisses, taking a moment to breathe. "I wanna ask you something."
"Go on." Wooyoung smiles at him. San brushes his thumb over his cheek again, still holding his face gently.
"Be mine." San searches Wooyoung's gaze, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. "I know I just got out of a relationship today, but I want you. I so selfishly want you as mine because there's no one else for me, Wooyoung."
"I thought I was yours already," Wooyoung muses. "We're getting married, aren't we?"
San smiles, chucking quietly. "Yes, we are. But it didn't mean anything to us before."
"It always meant something." Wooyoung assures, tilting into San's hold.
San could melt into his words, so much so that he feels unsure of how to respond. Wooyoung was so incredibly pure-hearted, and he found it difficult to properly express how he truly had felt at that moment. He knew he was falling for him, but it felt too early to express how he truly had begun to feel.
So, he chooses to kiss him again, gentler than last time, pulling the male closer. Wooyoung smiles into the kiss, breaking away by kissing San's cheek, leaning back with a smile plastered on his lips.
"Sannie?"
"Hm?"
"Let me order you food, yeah?"
"You don't have to–"
"You haven't eaten. Let's watch a movie and unwind, eat some good ass take-out and just enjoy each other's company. We've been through a lot today, and I think the both of us could use some time to decompress."
"I'd love to do that." San smiles.
"Let me take care of you the way you've always taken care of me." Wooyoung says with a sleepy smile, and San finds it hard to resist.
"Okay." San gives in easily, leaning into the couch, allowing himself a moment to try and relax.
Wooyoung smiles at him, reaching for his phone that rested inside of his hoodie pocket. "Thank you."
San smiles at him, watching over him fondly, listening as Wooyoung makes excitable noises about different restaurants that pop onto his screen, asking San about everything that piqued his interest, but honestly, San would get whatever Wooyoung had wanted. He only ever wanted him to be happy, and if his happiness was an entire pizza and a bucket of ice cream at near-midnight, then so be it.
"You look tired." Wooyoung says with a smile, turned on his side, facing the door that led to his en-suite.
San was in the middle of towel-drying his hair, standing in the doorway, looking at Wooyoung with a sleepy grin. "I am tired, but I needed to shower."
"Then come to bed."
"I will, I promise. Just a second." San turns on his heel slightly, heading back into Wooyoung's bathroom, tossing his towel away into the laundry tote nearby. His shirt had been settled on the floor since he had decided to take a shower, a pair of Wooyoung's sweats glued to his waist because he was too tired to go get his own.
As he glanced at himself in the mirror, he took a moment to study himself. He was exhausted, but beyond that was a glimmer of relief; a spark of freedom. He felt free of his chains and burdens, weightless as he drifted into the calming warmth of something new.
All he had known was toxic darkness, shrouded by the cloud of fake-love and smothered in the ideals of gaslighting. He thought it was all he was ever to know, stuck in a relationship riddled in turmoil and resentment. But now he longs to feel anything other than that, growing attached to the male that lay waiting for him in a way that felt incredibly hard to decipher with only words.
Wooyoung felt like a breath of fresh air, like taking a drink of cooling water after scouring through the warm sahara, or melting into a mattress after not sleeping for so long. He was pure comfort, and everything about him radiated warmth. San wanted to melt into the feeling of it all, soaking in Wooyoung's essence, breathing him in and kissing him until he went numb.
He's never felt this happy with someone like this. Maybe he's naive or maybe he's too oblivious to realize how wrong he had been in loving someone so evil. But he had Wooyoung now, and that was all he wanted to focus on.
He shuts off the bathroom light, exiting the en-suite to spot Wooyoung on his phone with a smile plastered on his face.
"What're you doing?" San asks in intrigue, gently lowering himself into bed next to the younger.
"Texting Seonghwa." Wooyoung glances over, almost immediately rolling closer, leaning his head against San's chest.
"What about?"
"You." Wooyoung giggles, sending one last text before shutting his phone off.
"What about me, hm?"
"That we're together and I'm telling Hwa about how happy I am right now."
"Really?"
"Obviously." Wooyoung muses, pressing a kiss to San's chest.
San's head tilts towards Wooyoung, eyes lulling closed as he kisses Wooyoung's forehead, smiling against his skin. "I'm happy too."
"Who knew that we'd actually end up together after hating one another?" Wooyoung says, clearly amused, tone entirely sleepy nonetheless.
"Weird, right?"
"If only I knew then to how complete you'd make me feel." Wooyoung's hand falls flat on San's chest, finger raising slightly to draw smooth shapes on his skin. "I've felt broken for so long that feeling like this is almost foreign."
"I would never treat you the way they did." San murmurs. "I promise on my life. I would never, ever dream of leaving you feeling like you were just a body to me."
"I don't feel like that with you." Wooyoung reassures quietly. "You have always taken care of me, Sannie."
"Because you deserve to be. You deserve only the best."
"You deserve to be truly loved." Wooyoung says, his voice slightly deeper, quieter. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."
"You already make me feel loved, Wooyoung." San kisses his forehead again, adjusting his body slightly, slinging his other arm around the male, pulling him closer. "More than you know."
"You mean so much to me." Wooyoung says with a hum, nearly on the cusp of falling asleep.
"You mean a lot to me, too. Get some sleep, Woo. I'll be right here when you wake up."
"You're not gonna leave me again?"
San couldn't lie when he thought about how much Wooyoung's comment had hurt his heart then, but it had hurt in the way of realizing how the male must've felt to wake up alone. He vows to himself to never let him feel like that ever again, feeling a spurt of internal shame overwhelm his senses.
Wooyoung didn't deserve that, and San would do anything to mend the wounds he had inflicted. He just hoped that with a little bit of time, he could hold Wooyoung even closer, loving on the male as he so deeply wished to. He never wanted to overwhelm him, but after hearing his statement, he nearly submits to the urge to be blindingly honest with how he had truly felt.
"I won't leave you ever again." San murmurs. "I'll be right here. I promise."
"Thank you for being mine." Wooyoung says groggily, pulling the blankets over him tighter. San smiles, feeling an overcast haze of sleep tug at his senses. If this was how the world was to end, he'd be content. He could lay here endlessly, holding Wooyoung against his chest, whispering words of adoration and countless murmurs of affection, hoping that he could convince the male of how truly loved he really was.
Even if they were getting married and it had all been arranged, San can't think of anyone else he'd rather go through life with. Their relationship had just begun, as did their journey together, but it had felt like they had been together for a lifetime.
They shared the same heart beat now, nestled into one another with tangled limbs and featherlight, sleepy kisses. San could only describe this feeling as home.
With one final burst of energy, regardless of if Wooyoung had been awake or not, the words slipped from his lips without a care in the world, speaking honestly to not only his partner, but to himself.
"Thank you for waiting for me. You're all I've ever wanted and more."