Most closeted high schoolers go through hell in their mind, well not for me. I embraced that little secret, being able to check out women, joke with friends without making it weird and most of all, laugh at all my friends boy talks. I guess I'm a strong person in a sense, this little part of me is meant to eat me up from the inside, but instead I'm happy to keep this a secret for now. No one knows, not even family or friends, just my little secret!
But, this little secret, it did make me feel a bit lonely at times, like the only girl talk in my friend group is about what boy they wanna seduce next. I try not to think about it too much, and focus on my studies, my extracurriculars, and my amazing group of friends. I guess it's not so bad after all, being able to keep a secret like this, it makes me feel unique in a way.
There had to be another closeted lesbian somewhere, it's high school for gods sake, I'd glance around the halls, searching for someone who might share my secret, someone who might understand the secret that came with it. But no, everyone else seemed to have their perfect someone, their other half. It was like they were all part of some secret club that I couldn't comprehend. All these boys, some men, they just didn't ever appeal to me.
I guess the biggest statement was "I'm just not ready to be with a man yet." Like damn, I don't think I'll ever be. I guess in a way it's not a lie, I only like women.
There was this one girl though, Demi Bennett. My god what a sight. She was the embodiment of pure lust. Long, blonde hair that flowed down her back like a waterfall, and a figure that could stop traffic. It didn't help that she was the captain of the school's track team either. I'd often find myself staring at her when she'd run by, wishing with all my might that she'd notice me.
But no, she was in her own world, with her own friends, her own life. I guess that's what I wanted, to have someone who understood me. Someone who knew my secret and didn't judge me for it. It was a selfish wish, I knew that, but it didn't make it any less real.
The only way for her to notice me is to join the track team, I hated running but if it meant speaking to Demi, I sure as hell would take up the challenge. So, I signed up for the team, trying to hide my discomfort in my new, unfamiliar surroundings. The girls were all gorgeous, but Demi was always the one who stood out. She had this aura about her, this confidence that made everyone else around her seem to fade into the background.
All the boys would stare, point and feen, to which she'd give a middle finger and strut off, her confidence radiating off of her in waves. It was mesmerizing. I wanted that, I wanted to be able to feel comfortable in my own skin like she did. It took me a few days to muster up the courage, but one afternoon during practice, I found myself next to her on the track.
"No offence, but I don't think I've ever seen you before." Demi's voice was soft, almost musical. I couldn't help but feel a blush creep up my neck.
"I keep quiet usually, with a small group of friends but I can't stand them. Taking about boys and sex, like ugh." I shuddered, trying to play it cool.
"Oh, I get it. Well, I'm Demi, by the way." She held out her hand, her grip firm but not too much so. I took it, feeling the warmth of her skin through our palms. "And you are?"
"Y/N. So, how long have you been on the team?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Oh, about two years now. I love running, you know? It's like therapy for me. Helps me clear my head." She laughed, the sound like music to my ears.
"Well it's definitely payed off, you look stunning!" Her confidence began to rub off on me, and I found myself smiling.
Demi grinned back, dimples appearing in her cheeks. "Why thank you. You're not so bad yourself." I felt my cheeks flush even more, and I couldn't help but glance away. It was the nicest compliment anyone had ever given me.
"Right imma go and get changed, see you in 5 minutes!" I walked off, grinning with excitement, she was definitely not straight, it was a rumour about her for ages, but she'd never seemed to say yes or no if anyone asked. Maybe I had a shot. I found myself lost in thought as I made my way to the changing rooms.
As I slipped off my clothes, I glanced around the room innocently, taking in the other girls and my surroundings, I was not checking them out. Some of them were talking, some laughing, but most were just changing without any real interaction. I found myself wishing I could be more like Demi, confident and outgoing. But then again, maybe there was something to be said for being a bit more reserved. After all, it had served me well so far. I just zoned out thinking of her until one girl piped up at me,
"What you staring at you lesbian? You checking me out or something?" She and her group of mates giggled, clearly trying to make a joke out of it. But I could tell it bothered me more than I let on.
I turned back to my bag, trying to ignore the girl and her friends. I didn't want to get into a confrontation with her, especially not now. I'd already managed to make one friend, and I didn't want to lose her too. But the more I tried to ignore them, the more it seemed to irritate me.
"Ohhh don't get too excited. I know you haven't seen a pair of boobs in your life, you're as flat as a door." She and her friends laughed, their voices shrill and mocking. I felt a hot flush creep up my neck, my heart racing. I wanted to say something, to defend myself, but the words got caught in my throat. I bit my lip, trying to stay calm, but it was hard.
Just then, Demi walked into the room. Her presence seemed to fill the space, and for a moment, everyone fell silent. She glanced around, taking in the tense atmosphere. "What's going on here?" she asked, her voice low but commanding. The girl who'd been teasing me turned pink, suddenly looking sheepish. I remained where I stood, back to Demi, tears in my eyes.
"Y'know I heard the whole thing, and I gotta say, it's really not cool. You should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down. So why don't you find something else to talk about, or if you're really that bored, come find me and we can run together. I promise it's more fun than being mean to someone who's just trying to make a friend. You're standing on thin ice right now, I don't wanna hear another bad word come out of your mouth." Demi's voice was calm but firm, and her words carried weight.
"Apologise." Demi said, not raising her voice but with an edge to it that made it clear she meant business. The girl who had been teasing me opened her mouth to speak, she shifted uncomfortably before muttering, "Sorry." It was barely audible, but Demi accepted it anyway.
"It's alright.." I looked down, it wasn't alright though, the words were still getting to me, but I didn't want to make things worse. Demi placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently.
"Don't worry about her, she doesn't know what she's missing. You're a good person, and you're gonna make a lot of friends here. I can feel it." Her touch was comforting, and I could feel myself calming down a little.
The rest of the changing room gradually went back to normal, with the other girls chatting and laughing amongst themselves. I couldn't help but feel grateful for Demi's support. She hadn't had to step in, but she had anyway. It was a small act of kindness, but it meant the world to me.
As we got changed, I found myself telling Demi a little more about myself. About how I'd never really fit in at my old school, and how I'd always been a bit of a loner. She listened intently, nodding along and occasionally offering a sympathetic smile or word of encouragement. It felt good to finally have someone to talk to, someone who actually seemed to care.
"Like yeah I am a loner, but I guess in a way I sort of got used to it, it's kinda comforting." I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. Demi smiled warmly at me.
"It's okay to want company and friends, you know. You don't have to be tough all the time. And the more you open up to people, the more they'll want to get to know you." She took off her shirt, revealing a toned and muscular stomach. "Besides, I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends here, and I'm sure you'll make even more once people get to know you." She smiled, folding her shirt.
Demi finished getting dressed and called us all to go outside to the grass, where she had set up some cones for us to do some running drills. As we jogged over to her, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief and gratitude. There was something good about Demi, yeah she was the most popular girl in the school but she never let it get to her head, she was kind, and she had a way of making you feel special, even if it was just for a moment.
We spent the next hour doing various running drills, with Demi constantly offering tips and encouragement. She'd take the time to correct my form, making sure I didn't strain my muscles or risk injury. She was patient and supportive, and it was clear that she genuinely cared about each and every one of us.
A few months passed, and the running team continued to train under Demi's leadership. She had become more than just a team captain; she was a role model, a mentor, and a friend to all of us. I found myself looking forward to each practice, not just because it meant getting some exercise but because it meant spending time with her. She had this way of making even the most mundane of tasks seem exciting and important. It all began to help me, I was thinking a lot more clearly and learned to love my body, but inside, the comforting secret of being a lesbian was beginning to deteriorate.
Rumours had began to spread that Demi and I were close, closer than friends, people were starting to look at me funny, and whisper, and even laugh when they thought I wasn't looking. I tried to ignore it, but it was hard, especially when Demi was there. She was the only one who seemed to understand me, and now everyone thought we were doing something... wrong. I liked the girl more than a friend, yes, but she was only a friend to me, she wanted nothing more.
The worst part was, I knew that I was in love with her. It wasn't like the movies, with grand gestures and confessions of love, it was just a slow burning feeling in my chest that I couldn't shake. Every time she smiled at me, every time she brushed her hair out of her eyes, I felt it, this overwhelming urge to tell her how I felt. But I knew that if I did, it would ruin everything. She'd probably laugh in my face, or worse, pity me.
Picture this, I'm in the school bathroom, washing my face after practice, everyone else had left. In walked Demi, she was in a hurry to wash her face too. I didn't want to interrupt her, so I waited for her to stand beside me. As she did, she glanced over at me, our eyes met for a brief moment, and in that instant, my heart skipped a beat. I wanted nothing more than to tell her how I felt, to confess my love for her, but I knew that now was not the time.
Looked as if she also had something on her mind, "I need to talk to you about something." She ran the cold water, cupped her hands under it and splashed it on her face. Her tone was serious, making my heart race.
"Yeah sure, what's on your mind?" I worried, trying to sound as calm as possible. She turned to me, her eyes searching mine, and for a moment I thought she was going to say something about how she didn't want to be friends with me anymore, or worse, how everyone was talking about us.
"I've been hearing all these rumours." Demi began, her voice barely above a whisper. I felt my stomach drop, fear gripping me as I waited for her to continue. "And I just want you to know that it's not true. I mean, we are friends, but that's it. I'm sick of people trying to control others. Like you're straight for gods sake!"
My heart started to hurt, but at the same time she didn't say she was straight, "Yeah... and you."
"Well.." Demi sighed deeply, "Not really."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My heart was pounding in my chest, my stomach felt like it was tied in knots. "Demi, you don't have to-" I started to say, but she cut me off with a wave of her hand.
"No, let me finish... please.." She took a deep breath and continued, "I know I've been acting differently lately, and I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable. But it's just that I've... I've always liked girls. Like, really liked them. And I just want you to know that I am so, so sorry if I led you on or made you feel anything other than friends. That was never my intention. I treated you like shit..."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. A part of me wanted to laugh, to think she was just saying this to make me feel better. But then I saw the sincerity in her eyes, the way she bit her bottom lip as she spoke. She was being honest with me, and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.
"Wait so are you like-" I was cut off again,
"Lesbian. There we go I said it." She sighed, a small smile curving her lips. It was a relief to her her finally say it out loud, even if it was to me. I felt a strange mix of emotions coursing through my veins: happiness, relief.
"Oh wow. That's cool!" I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but the truth was, a weight had been lifted off my chest. I had been carrying around this secret for so long, this hope that maybe one day Demi would feel the same way about me. And now it seemed like that day had finally come.
"You're cool with it? Damn thanks, now I guess I can say I have a supportive straight friend." She smiled, a genuine one that lit up her face. It was hard not to feel my heart skip a beat at the thought of her not knowing I was also in the same boat,
"Well... About the supportive straight friend.." I paused, not wanting to ruin the moment but needing to say something. I took a deep breath, feeling the words come out before I could think better of them.
"I guess I'm the supportive... Lesbian friend."
Demi gasped, her eyes widening in surprise. "You're... you're what?" She stammered, her voice a mixture of shock and disbelief. "But you're my best friend! You've always been there for me! I never would have thought..."
"I never thought you were too." We chuckled, the tension between us slowly building up. We stood there for a moment, just taking it all in. It felt like a weight had been lifted from our shoulders, like we could finally be honest with each other about who we really were. It was a strange, surreal feeling.
Demi stepped closer, and I couldn't help but feel my heart race as she reached up and tentatively traced the outline of my lips with her finger. "I've always thought you were beautiful, that's why the rumours got to me..." she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "...I didn't want to ruin our friendship if you didn't feel the same way."
"I-I... I guess there's always been some sort of soft spot for you in my heart." I awkwardly chuckled,
Demi leaned in closer, her lips brushing against mine in the softest of kisses. It was chaste, innocent, but full of promise. Her lips were soft and warm, and I could feel the steady beat of her heart against mine. As she pulled back, her eyes searched mine, seeking some sort of reassurance.
"You know, we don't have to rush into anything, I don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable." she said, her voice barely audible above the pounding of my heart. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you, and that I'll always be here, no matter what."
"Make me uncomfortable? No chance." I pressed my lips against hers, this time more firmly. It felt right, so right. Her taste was intoxicating, and I couldn't get enough. I slid my hands around her waist, pulling her closer as she let out a soft chuckle, the sound vibrating against my lips. I knew we didn't have to rush, but right now, in this moment, I just wanted to be as close to her as possible.
Her hands cupped my jaw, her thumbs tracing circles on my cheeks as she deepened the kiss. I could feel the heat between us growing with each passing moment, and I knew we were both losing control. The soft moans escaping her lips only served to fuel my desire, and I found myself returning her affections with a passion I didn't know I possessed...