Authors note
Thanks. I am somehow nervous, as I have been since my childhood.
Writing a story is not a big deal, but something that you once accomplished, you feel you did something more than credible. outstandingly good.
It's a hurray-like feeling, isn't it?
Well, this writing, that I am gonna share with you all, was written a few months back, and I had no courage to publish it or to make it available to the world. Be a courageous writer you might say. I obey you for your smart advice.
I wrote this story when time for me was opposing my existence. my life renounced joyousness and raised everything but joy. My existential thoughts were poking me to stop doing everything. My soul was in a constant loop, hazardous for such a guy like me to go through, and was evoking me not to write. Not to read. Not to exist. But I did everything, that I was convinced not to do.
Finally, I am gonna publish this oeuvre of my work with you all. be excited. sound excited. but pose courage.
I am expecting a few things from all of you.
Especially your rational, evaluative criticism. Yes.
Don't try not to criticize my book, if you think you should. But constructively, being sensible. Not spreading hatred is the same as criticizing. Be a critique and not dope.
hatred is accepted, but stupidity isn't. Intellectual disputes are better than racism, for reasons that are dead, not reasons anymore.
The characters that I have written are tough. Toughest, I presume, that never written by me but this.
I mostly write for people who write for themselves. who read to himself, or want to. so this story, which is more than that, might not be a suitable option for you, todays-genre-mouthers. it's not a toy. not a Twilight saga, to be read cheerily happily, and joyfully. forget.
I write for myself, first. because I read myself more than I read any books of others. so if you don't like my story, spread hate and leave or leave peacefully. all are acceptable behavior. nothing is sacred, gentleman.
something, I wanna say, makes you merry. pursuit should be that very thing. something that makes you sad, should be abandoned. but, if something makes you melancholic, go on a voyage with the very thing. lessons are waiting for you to shake hands, and you are undefeatable, to a human extent. learnings, the best thing. loads of pain, the learning.
there is no wisdom in joy but in darkness. your life teaches you to do. but exultant, in my case, the nature was, at me. I was not succumbing, I made not for that. I tried, once more, and again, once again, and finally I was able to write, much miraculously. tear of success was shining.
this piece of this work is a consequence of deliberate efforts of many days and nights. I write, not for fun. not to sound funny, but to kill the fun, and let you all deep dive into the journey of darkness.
life is not fun, gentleman. a part of the big dimension of our life is extended to the realm of darkness, pain, and suffering. Sagacity, there is none, in joy and elation, but in pain.
things, in diverse forms of inspiration, compelled my pen to pen down those characters, who somehow are given the existence, on many experiences of my personal life, to portray an intricate, undiscovered idea of love. love is not my personal experience, but something I heard a lot about, from everyone.
Moreover, It's my first published work, so don't judge. Yes, apparently I am a novice in writing. although, I Am in the constant process of becoming mature, as a writer. Your critical assessment will be a help.
well, I remind one of a quote from someone who makes sense to me, which I must not miss to assert here, the saying goes like this- Taking pleasure in praise is, for many, only a courtesy of the heart - which is quite the reverse of a vanity of the spirit.
I will be publishing new parts since it's not a complete story that I am gonna share with you all.
So stay connected to get updates about my next part.
welcome on a journey.
Aryan.
* This story is edited by me, so chances are that there are a few grammatical mistakes, that could still be present in the text. forgive me for that, and be kind a little.
CHAPTER 1
Along with some quirky intellectuals, I hung out with, I was coming back home that inky evening.
Alone in the back sheet with the guy Mark, who was a driving genius, a prolific bathroom speaker, a wheelchair thinker, and a worthless husband, whom I had never gotten a chance to speak, he was quiet and reserved therefore. I was thinking how fun would it be for my wife to be there. She is gone, and never with me, will ever be able to play guitar as we used to in our 90's. engrossed in her thoughts I forgot the outside. Car was running at the speed of 60 or 70, and with flow, like into me. nowhere in our community, I saw someone living alone. It was the US. No chance for anyone to be alone. People over here survived in groups. A guy endures pain in the company of their loved ones. even killers on the top, over here, were lovers. Everyone above 12, and in some cases, not even this age line seems to be accurate, everyone has a life partner. Boys had girlfriends. And girls go out with boys and talk with them. And help them when needed, and vice versa. I suspect how helpful they all have been to each other. I was a guy, too young, about 18, in the 90s when I went to college to study philosophy. I used to be so shy. Never talked to a lot of people, only with my neighbor back home. So everything was an uncomfortable event for me. a paled-faced guy finally thought it fair to approach me, and we evolved as a good friend later. He was shy too, but stupid, too naïve for the subject he accidentally chose. And knew nothing about ethics, but was practical in life and that's what matters the most. He got a car in the first week of his college and offered me a ride. Who was I not to say yes, so I said to him 'For sure.'
The next day in the morning, we were together in his car, a Ford 40, running at a good speed and all those featured set in the car were okay-ish. Speed and car door and windows, glasses. And everything.
"ever heard of a girl named Emily?" he questioned.
"no" with a little confusion, I said. " why, what is she"
"oh nothing, she is almost nothing, she got a good face though. Attractive, enough for me to date her."
"So, you Wanna go on a date with her?"
He laughed like I cracked the biggest joke in the influence of this beautiful sunny morning.
"If you convince her for your this needy friend, then why not." He said.
"Oh I see, so it's one-sided affection, right?"
"it is more than affection. It's love man. She is so pretty." He said almost in the dream. This time he was serious.
"when she smiles nothing seems to worry me, not my penury too. When she sees me I feel the whole world within me, atif. She is so precious. Angel-like creature, I'd ever seen in my life."
"Oh yeah," I showed interest in whatever he was portraying. I was trying to sketch a beauty I had never seen before, met not even once.
"she lives near the port beach, with her father, a hotelier who had his grandeur hotel towered up in the open sky on the beachside that provides all kinda Mexican foods, and fucking delicious wines with no alcohol. I met her at her restaurant when she came to meet her daddy. He was a good gentleman, with a big mustache and a tall slim figure."
"What was that, that made you in love with her? Is it only her looks, or something else?" I faced Derik, "Because dude, a lot of girls out here are on a walk, every time, with their foxy figure. All are pretty and better. When you see one, you'll easily get distracted by seeing the other, and then the third will make you distract one more time and it will go on and on and on.. that's what we call attraction, and not being in love. So be cautious about this and consider your thoughts one more time, that's what I can suggest Derik. You are my best friend so I don't want you to be in any future trouble just because of any wrong selection. "
"I don't need to revisit my thoughts. No double-checks, atif. She is the real one I have so much love for. Not just her beauty that is killing me, my man. But her soft, gentle gestures already grabbed my all respect. she is an angel. The real angel. And hey when I call someone an angel it's not just about their beauty instead it is about the overall personality that she possesses. Everything is divine about her. almost everything."
"she must be lucky to get you, Derik. You are so kind and gentlemanly."
"oh come on I am like 120 times shitty and worst than her. And useless product of charming Rachael."
Rachael was his mother, who passed away, unfortunately. She was a kind-hearted lady as his son was Derik.
He inherited his jovial, cheery nature from his mother.
"no one is worthless" I began. "not even me who always calls myself unlucky and unskilled which is very much true. But still, I don't think I am of zero value. At least some penny can be paid by having me, if I am for sale." He laughed out loud at my remark. "you are so funny, of course, you are worthy to get paid for your overall appearance and smart mind that is full of Espinoza's and Aristotle's bits of knowledge."
He turned his eyes at me from the road "You are a great man. Yeah, I know you don't believe in me, but no one have I ever met here in this city is a thinker like you. Unlikely that all are dumbass"
"haha so funny of you, you are just sympathizing with me, which is wholesome for you to get some more friends, but you will lose me for your dishonesty. "
"not true. No sympathy I am showing, but it's very much true. Tell me who is in our college talks more sensible than you? Who has spent hours and hours talking ardently about philosophy from lunch break to the last break of our class? Of course, many of us, run-of-the-mill students, spend most of our time reading weird authors, who must not be said by this title, but since we all are stupid unlike you, so we do call people weirdos, who we don't know about. I have observed no one reads if it's out of the syllabus, but you do... So how worthless can you be, when the precious philosophies of Neitzche and Plato and Socrates, and many others I don't even know about, are stored in your head? You are the best, believe me. you just got a quote serious that says know only thing, that I don't know anything
I stopped him, otherwise, he kept on showing my characteristics, which I didn't think was badly observed. But, from the vantage point.
I AM NOT WORTHLESS. I yelled, silently. His sentences for me were so pleasurable to hear.
"hey where are we going by the way, we already passed by our school, and for you only I missed today's class, which definitely isn't serious business for you, but for me it certainly is. I can't even think of missing my class."
"oh cool down man. Can't you dare to miss a one-day class for your friend? Look at me how ill-ish I am. how unwell I have been, and you are worrying about missing your class. So selfish of you dude"
"no no, I am not being selfish. You know how sensitive I am to not be absent in class. A poor guy of few pennies in this rich ostentatious city would be not seen near the beach and having fun with his-age gals. They all are of little penny here for serious pursuit, and I am the one in so many. I don't wanna waste my time, I wanna invest it. We poor people don't have options like rich white kids across the USA." I said, almost with a sensitive tone. More tentative and yet relaxed.
"oh of course you do all your pursuit, but I would advise you to show some enthusiasm for the outer world too. Not philosophy all the time, gonna make you happy and fix your all problems, alyn. So little of your life and so little is yet to come, why make it boring when other options are already presented?
Finally, the car curled with unpleasant wheeze, to the parking lot, and stopped. I unexpectedly gawked at him. And he with a lovely smile.
Appalled, I retorted- "it wasn't so cool to bring me here. I show no interest in meeting your girl, frankly."
"come on you are being rude now. I just want you to see her, I won't force you to meet, but at least see her. the way she moves, talks, eye around, and walks and everything she does." Seduced in her thought, he said.
"don't be a fool."
"you mean don't be a lover? He asked, meeting my eyes. Excitedly he was in wait to hear what I had to say.
"of course be a lover, but a smart one, not like other dumbs."
He laughed out loud.
"What?" I snapped.
"Looks can't be smart my friend. All lovers are dumb, whether it's Romeo, who was quite dumb to fall in love with a girl, who belonged to his biggest enemy family, or someone like me, who is already in love with a white American, whose ancestry has been the biggest critique of we, Africans. They never respected us, ever. And think, we are two-bit characters, who are not in consideration of greatness, but..." he abruptly stopped. "hey look over there. Look look.'"
I turned my head from him to see what he was suggesting to me to see. A girl. "nothing humble about her, only beauty, if subtracted from her, she will be pale-faced dead human." I remarked when I saw her behaving like a gentleman, like someone of no use. Waste food of hotel. Her father came and talked with the gentleman she seemed to fail to deal with. With a minuscule smile with gentleness, he won the deal. How so? The man nodded and triumphed. Then they both shook hands and he moved back, as he met the eyes of the matt's girl, and vowed. He was gone.
Then his father came closer to her daughter and said something she hardly agreed with, as her Arrogant gesture was suggesting. Her face was pretty, her eyes big. And her overall body was slender and divinely curved in shape. That's all that he cared for, and intended not even a minute to analyze her decency, that makes a human. my dear friend was lost in her charm, and unaware about her arrogance.
My friends showed avidity to go closer to her and talk with her with nicety, which I dared to believe was two-bit of worth in her eyes, and he would be rejected. She was so pretty undeniably, but arrogantly, her speech was beautiful, preppie's preference. She saw us finally towards our car. He was almost surprised saying- look at her, she is gazing at me.
Yes and not to me, only to you, because you are Prince Charles- I thought. Amusingly he jumped off the car to see her closely.
he was a layman in the realm of love, and I was not even there sweeping into love's world. It was not my kind of thing. My playthings were refreshing ideas thickish books, and a pen set in a pocket. What more I could ask for? He jelled his hair as fast as he could and hid from her eyes. Then he came to the point of her eyes. She smiled looking at him, so he responded, but more weirdly and wholeheartedly than he had to.
perhaps her smile was deemed a serious matter, by my silly friend. it was, only I knew, just a normal grin, unintentionally posed. By the way, she was really looking good with her glittering Teeth. My admiration for her was almost high but I knew my worth and my distance could never be filled by just approaching her. our distance was not physical but of wealth. Of looks. Of persona. Of nature and so on. I was millions of dollars away from her to hold her hand into my own and talk to her about going to Maldives for my honeymoon. Dreams of the unachievable, I believed, should be just for nights to visit, and not for days to sweep into.
However, my friend complimented her for something. She smiled again showing thankfulness for his saying this. She was so hospitable with him, but only with him? I suspected so. No gesture was different with him, but the same as she had for others. She treated every customer almost likewise to my friend. I reminded my wife's idiosyncrasy, which was so soft and gentle.
But the girl who I was eyeing, was beautiful in a different way. Yes, like an angel, you make sense, my friend, Derik --- I thought.
I, though, didn't approach her at all.
I knew my worth, and I knew the extent of my world, so even thinking outside of my realm of existence was unrestricted, to give a think of.
Derik was still trying to impress her, and her nervous look could easily be scanned by his peculiar smile.
His kindness, his humble gestures, and his being sociable, are all higher, than necessary.
Perhaps she didn't take him seriously, deemed her someone special, even though she laughed at what he said. But it, by any means, wasn't enough evidence of her passion for him. Nicety is always appreciated by girls, but am afraid not to say that it doesn't mean they love you, the way you want them to love you.
Nice, his attempt. But not effective, I could sense.
He's looking at her, talking about something funny, and flooding her with questions, that were inevitably improbable to make her fall in love with my dear friend.
She was a bit uncomfortable, I noticed when he asked fundamentally absurd questions.
She, rather than listening to him, looked at her nails, which in size were longer and sharp, and beautifully embellished, of course, that seduced my eyes to look at. Her eyes were beautiful. Her look was stunning.
What more had I to say, than calling her angel? Yes she, indeed, was an angel. I could say this, on the exaggerated admiration, Americans had been showing for such a creature. angel.
I was waiting for my friend in the car. And when she finally succeeded in shielding herself from his hard gaze, my friend joined me in the car.
I asked him how it went.
He said, chuckling- "well, she is pretty. She is nice. But she has a lot of work, you know. And because this hotel is new, so undeniably she has a lot to do, to make it a successful venture. But she was nice to me." He said.
I knew his excitement was a little down, but desperation still didn't take him over. A little tiny hope, I divined, was burning at his face.
"Yes, probably she was so busy. Didn't you notice she hadn't even a while of time to talk to her father?" I sympathized with him, that's what I could do, as a friend.
And perhaps I influenced him by saying that.
We were back home, in the evening. And I thanked him for driving me to my home.
And he didn't smile, unlike the other day, but he wasn't sad about anything. Just absorbed in some sort of dream, that he had to attain at the cost of any soul.
I went home at night, as my meeting ended terribly with Jackson, who was undeniably a great businessman, but ethically, a person, who was not the best for me to befriend him. His self-centered nature was more intensive than mine. Obsession for himself was way more than myself and his way of asking questions that was weirdly absurd, and hardly interesting for a person like me.
As I entered the room, he took off his mega-sized screen. And put whatever device in his pocket. "how is Alina?" I asked. That he apparently likes.
"you must ask me first how am I, which I would answer by saying awesome, but feeling dumb, perhaps it causes me to change my surroundings."
"I didn't mean that, but okay, let me ask you, how's your work going?" I gently asked him the question.
But my decency was of no value to him, so he threw my question aside, and turned the discussion on the other side, the bad side. And somewhat dark side.
But before doing so, he asked me for coffee. I nodded.
He phoned someone, and ordered, like a pure boss, for two cups of coffee.
Now, he turned the discussion into a bad side. I didn't want to be that side, I knew. And he knew it as well.
"How did your wife die, I really wanna know it. and I don't know how to turn questions in different ways, which I think is a bad skill to learn, perhaps useless."
I was silent to hear more from him, as I knew him, his question was always bound with tons of more sentences that I didn't think should have been said.
"aren't you answering?" he interrupted.
So I broke the silence- "Well, I think it's not the perfect place to talk about my wife. Time is not appropriate too." Checking my watch, " It's 10 pm already"
"quite a night. But I am free, if you are, to listen to your story. I really am wondering how she died"
"you didn't care to ask this question ever before. You didn't call me that day, or called me off, did you? Never." I said. Air was lifting tension a bit, in the sphere.
and then suddenly you show interest in knowing what happened to her. I must counter the question by asking why. Why you wanna know it?"
"for your information my friend, I was outskirt the city while these things were going on. Dealing with some more important deals that fortunately turned out to be one of the most successful deals for my company. It was quite stressful."
"more than her accident" my cold voice interrupted him.
"you are being too harsh with me, and it's too judgemental of you to say such a thing. She was my friend too. I loved her, more than anyone else. She was the direct help for my business when TLC was going through the worst crisis. So how can I forget all these? I respect her even now, and will be till I am here on heart health and breathing."
TLC was founded in 1989 by his father and is now owned by this MF.
"she was not your friend.
"she was no friend to you but just a trustable woman who drove your business in bad times and saved to it from falling into hell. She protected you so being thankful for that by any means suggests nothing about your deeper friendship as you are trying to frame to me. please stop trying. Stop losing your authenticity and care for her. please don't." I said, in almost my broken voice which was immensely tortured because of her ultimate absence.
"you are open to thinking anything, to form any claim that not is or would be true, but perfectly alright to think. To consider me a mean guy won't hurt me, so you are free. I wish she were alive to tell you how much importance I had for her, and how much love and respect I always showed for her. She used to call me my friend Jacko. " I had no compassion for this guy who more than a businessman, was a great storyteller, and pretender. I hated all these things in any human who couldn't be as real as they were. No conflagration killed him, whereas so many millions of dollars burned in a big wave of fire but that couldn't affect his life. My prejudice for him was set high forever. And I was never gonna talk with him from that time on.
I said to him goodbye, as he finished. And he asked me for dinner that I showed no interest in. his heavenly hospitality was hellish to me. because devil serves hell, that I had no interest to be a customer of. I was more of an eager human for love that I already lost.
His servants squeaked in and out several times to not let me step out without testing their variety of foods and vines. I said no, forcefully, to all of them, but with a smile that couldn't fill out the gap of my strong hate for them. It was apparent and palpable to all of them.
Jacobson came on a walk with me to the main gate and tried to talk a bit more.
I showed no interest, and my side gaze was for his servant, not for him. His servant was descent than him.
CHAPTER 2
One sunny morning, when I went to college, with my big bulky bag. They eyed me weirdly. A few lads on the corner near the locker area, laughed at me, as I passed by them.
I always had been that weird, even outside these classes. With walkie-talkie, I was enthusiastic to have fun, and love, a woman, had never loved or talked with, by me. Not in a realm of dreams, clumsy.
Sometimes you wonder if you are great, and sometimes just an unusual feeling hits you hard that your worthlessness does bother you, and such feeling isn't that unusual to me to feel how shallow, stupid, and silly I am when kissing someone's lips, rather cheek, is a task, and not biting platonic philosophy at all is.
That day in class, I fell asleep for whatever reason. And someone's hard slap over my shoulder shook me abruptly. How dare he? I mumbled. But as I locked my eyes over an eye, I shrunk my body, like a submissive moron.
Prof Isac, how dare he? I thought. But how dare I, advise him not to dare to wake me up, by any way? I reconsidered.
I gulped, then opened my mouth, almost mumbling- "Prof, s-sir, I was just.." he waited to listen.
My excuse freezes before dropping via my mouth.
"I was just thinking about what you had given task on...and, am sorry, I fell asleep thinking about it," I said. My excuse to him was not hard to immune. Because of my strong nerd personality, palpably, promoted well, and on every occasion. Thanks to all these morons!
"Atif, no need at now, to consider any philosophy of West, and for your health, practice Buddha's teaching, who precisely says- be at present. Is that clear Atif?"
"Sir," I uttered.
"Good" he went to his podium again and began throwing bubbles of knowledge at all of us.
Boring! Fascinating! I didn't know, but my focus at present wanted to portray that girl's pic, who I saw that evening. I already was drawn to read anymore. But to re-imagine her, wishfully should have been a job, so I could do it more appropriately, and to a long extent of time.
Not school textbooks suggestively seems to please me anymore, not at least now. I thought.
I was at the third bench, and Derik was having to snooze. his lack of interest, was more interesting to watch, than peering at the board, following my favorite subject.
barely anyone seemed interested in anything. amanda, who was the best girl in our class, just for her superficiality, was chewing her long nails. that's why they grow their nails? I wondered.
a guy, named Jimmy, I don't know why, was looking at Amanda like was imagining his fantasy on her face. weirdos.
when I was, in rather a dull way, looking at the prof's insipid long-rolling sentences, my eyes happened to shift here and there when by mistake, they locked at a hairy eye. an eye of a girl, who, cluelessly, was gawking at me, for no known reason. did I know her? never, I think.
why is she eyeing me so terribly? I thought.
she a bit smiled when I looked puzzled at her seeing me, like a lady. a dull lady, who by chance was beautiful, and not charming. only beautiful.
and her smile, which somehow vexed me, lifted my wondering twice.
was it a leer? or just a silly way of looking at someone for a long time? I couldn't distinguish any difference between them. her complex expression was unfathomable to catch.
however, the class was at the end, but her strong gaze wasn't. She more than the syllabus, looked at me, in fragments of time.
I was surely gonna ask her why was that weird gaze for. but cowardness of mine succumbed my any such action of her approaching.
When class ended, I was in the cafeteria, waiting for Derik, who just was going to have some food for us.
He was following the line, for doing that. So nice of him.
I didn't know why, and perhaps it was because of so busy life, that dad hadn't called me yet.
And I was waiting for his call.
He lived in Missouri, and was home, a long time later.
And of course, he was missing all those Indian foods that he could easily access to have, because of plethora of Indians were newcomers there, and had their own start-ups, it was a hub of Indian restaurants, quite known in Missouri, even in neighboring states as well.
But in in here, this weird city, anglehood, it was almost near impossible to find any Indian hotel, apart from a McDonald's store, which by the way was so expensive, with the exception of Monopoly here in our area.
"Hi," I heard a soft, soothing voice.
"Hello," said I, a little nervous to find that very girl closer to me.
"Can I have a sheet?" Her gesture was friendly.
"Sure" I nodded.
She had a glass of lemonade in her hand.
Her look, now easily seeable from top to toe, she was in wearing a sleek, button-down shirt, tucked neatly into a pleated plaid skirt, and was looking good at her.
Her cardigan, navy blue, was awesomely fitting her slender body.
Her gesticulation was feminine, unlike most other girls here.
Her look was not bad, if not great.
She was of average height but had well maintained herself, as a girl.
She wanted to say something, for which I was ready to listen, but God, he came with his plate in hand.
"Here you go man, your favourite cheesecake," he said. And then looked at her, and then me. He deemed something inappropriate about us and coughed, that basically was teasing. Smiled a bit, but controlled.
"Excuse me, my man is waiting over there. He got good food from home, and you know how much homey am i...bye" he said, and left free space for us to talk.
"Don't mind him, he is silly" i said.
"No. I don't mind it" she smirked.
A pause of awkward silence made her speak, otherwise it would have ended up badly. Because speaking for me, It was like, a blind person is attempting to see a lass, a belle.
"I saw you several times, previously." She began.
"You were lecturing someone about him, and you really did well. Frankly would say it was better than Prof. Isac's lecture."
"Thanks for the compliment, so what's the point?" It was weird. I just wanted her to come directly to the point. It, for any girl, certainly was not an appropriate sequence of talk one could have. I, exceptionally, bad at talking, transcended all of her expectations to be a gentle, pro-talker.
"Well even I am not clear what's the point, but it was impressive" she grinned.
"Oh thanks again, for such nice words," i said, as decently as possibly I could masquerade as.
"I don't think you would mind answering, if why were you gazing me so with so much consistency." I swerved her the question, which lit up my curiosity.
"Oh in class!" She chuckled, "Well, not too much to say, that you were so bored, and it was so clear at your face" laughed genuinely.
"Yes, I was just not in the mood to listen to him anymore. Irksome lecture!"
"Exactly, so irksome!" She backed up.
"And I already knew all these kinds of stuff he was lecturing of" I, with a slight arrogance said.
"Oh of course. You have been our class topper, I have heard"
"Are you new?"
"New, yes," she said.
"Then it must be so difficult to you to get all of these new lengthy theories that are being taught of"
"Your presumption is accurate," she said.
"Can I help you by any chance?" I offered her my genuine help.
"Oh, it's so nice of you to say that. I would love having your guidance" she said.
So that's what made her come to me, I thought.
Girls' complications, surpass intricacy when is up for comparison with arithmetic theorems. It's quite a fact, I was gotten to be aware about.
Her kindness, cherries, and softness, didn't allow me to refuse her proposal.
The next morning happened when we both were sitting with our backs against a tree, in the campus area.
Her smile, when she didn't get questions, was precious.
Her being sorry, when I explained to her one thing more than twice and thrice, was permanent glamour to me.
Teaching complex metaphysical explanations, following flakes of different perspectives, was fun, in real sense.
She was like a child, whom I helped a lot to improve, and she subsequently did. Quite impressively.
While I was struggling to adjust my own schedule to spend time, tactfully, my friend invited me many times to come with him to the beachside, to sit at the restaurant for a few moments.
I had no such intention to refuse him, but I had to. The exam was coming closer, and I was being so serious with my time. I told that girl, whose name was Alita aka Aliee, that I wouldn't be able to give her more time than I had been giving...so she must make some more effort towards herself, to set success for herself. And she got me unlike Derik, who had not talked with me for a few days.
One sunny morning, when I came out of the building, she threw him at me.
"Hey, Alita."
"Hey, are you going back to home?" She asked.
"Yes, I have some work, so I won't join you all guys in the library. Sorry for that"
"No, it's perfectly fine."
she hesitated but then gulped, and lifted her eyes- "Where do you live?" she asked,
"excuse me?" I seemed uncomfortable.
"I am going east, you can join me in the car if you want." she offered a ride, and that's how women do it. not frankly, as they should have all done it.
"Oh, no need to worry about me. thanks for the ask though" I said.
my that much humility wasn't so advantageous for our friendship, I knew.
"I wouldn't mind if you want to."
"well..'" I took a pause. then agreed to come with her.
"my car is parked over there," she smirked.
we both get into a car. and ran to our home together.
midway, she asked, and I cheered it, for having at least any conversation that began, after an awkward 10-minute pause.
in a breaker, when the car jumbed a bit, jerking, she amused her own car, saying- "Ford truck car is better than this dumb car."
"I had a truck car, I can say how better your car is than such exaggerated features of that giant car, that doesn't even work."
"Maybe," she said. her eyes fixed on the road.
when I was looking at the front, her glimpse of looking at me was caught.
"so, did you finish analyzing all those analogies, that you thought were hard," I asked.
"Oh, I did. and that wasn't that hard," she said.
"I told you, you just need to command in all the ancient philosophical references to get it"
"oh yes, you were right. I am working on it"
"I hope you enjoyed reading Kant's work," I asked.
"so boring. but I am trying to like it. like, literally it is so unfruitful of him, to write such wobbly phrases, and throwing one over another, set of messages that is hardly going to be deciphered by we fairy tales lover."
"All of his works should be written by some fairy tale writers, it would be better for you, then, to show any interest in his work, right?" I responded.
"it would be super fun, then" she cheered.
"do you like reading such fantasy stories" I inquired.
"I do. I am kind of in love with such a story that conveys messages through it, not like boring philosophers, just throwing words over one another, without having fun with it in the middle. Have you ever read Romeo and Juliet?"
"I haven't"
"what were you doing in your whole life then? how can you miss these masterpieces of our human history? in this story, if you follow closely, you will learn more stuff, than you gonna ever learn from reading these thinkers.
"Stories are a different domain of work, than philosophy. and I don't think we should criticize any of these domains. all are important, and put the whole of the author's soul in, to make these books published." I said.
"I also feel that I am not gonna love these books that you of course relate with...."
"why not?" she interrupted.
"Don't you believe in love?" she said. "don't you understand languages of love?"
I reminded my wife. her playing the piano and our having fun all appeared in glimpses next to my eyes.
"love is purer than any form of notion, and we all are nothing but a breathing substance if we can't perceive the softness, the pureness, and divineness of love," I quoted, delving into a realm of dreams, that affectionate my voice, and made it more serious, softer and deeper.
"Have you ever been in love?" she asked. her curious eyes now had a long duration of gaze over my face.
"yes. I have been" I said.
"with whom?" she asked.
"a girl who later became wife, and then made me a widower. probably the youngest widower in America."
"I am so sorry."
"she was a beautiful girl, whom I knew since my childhood. she was always so kind to me. more than a friend, she cared about my health and my all stuff. when I was in the bad phase of my life, no one came to help me, but she was always there. always for supporting me..."
traffic foreshadowed my voice.
she still wanted to hear it.
"then?" she wondered.
"Nothing" I gave a casual lighthearted look.
"All of these are trash that used to be so precious in the past."
she was really sorry to hear that, and I could see it in her eyes.
"do you believe in love now?"
"I don't think about it anymore," I responded.
"you are not alone, a lot of people go through such tough times' her sympathy was nothing to me. just a few words, that said. and that's all.
by the way, we reached the end of our journey. from this place, I was going to get a cab, to go home.
I thanked her. I got her precious gaze.
her smile was beautiful.
I was glad, that America still has girls like her. They all are in urgent need of America, to make this country more human-ish. less childish.
Chapter 3
In the evening, when I as always, was ready to go to the park, I called Derik, before leaving. He didn't respond to my call. probably was busy with that girl? maybe.
I went to the beachside alone, and thankfully he was there, my presentiments of any kind, could not be wrong, apparently.
he was gawking at his lover, so passionately, who was sitting in her chair, dealing with few people. her smile, her charm, everything was there, but my friend's consciousness was lost. he was unconscious of the outer world, thereby the old man was gnawing at him. because his ass was resting in his sheet, for which that old man paid dollars. I went around him and apologized from Derek's side. and led my hand to his shoulder. no response. then again I flicked my fingers at the sight of his eyes. then he quickly shivered. "what are you doing here?"
"come to see my friend," I said.
"how dare you not to spend an extra hour with that girl?" he was upset with me.
"how dare I not to come for you, at a time?" I criticized myself.
"Exactly, how dare you to ignore me. how dare you?" he said.
how dare I say sorry only once" I said.
"How dare you?" he said.
we both laughed then.
"sorry man" I began. "I was just too drawn to my work. and that girl, she just needed some help with study, so I couldn't refuse her to help"
"Can you leave some space for me, young boy?" the old man, with a contempt face said.
"oh sorry again, sir," I said.
his eyes were more centered on Derik. my friend grinned at him, and then he nervously drew his gaze.
"seemingly dangerous old man" he murmured in my ear.
I smiled.
"gentleman, would you prefer anything?" came a waitress.
"of course. anything you want," said Derik.
"What?" I looked at him in wonder.
"yes, and also I would love to talk with the owner of this restaurant. I have something to say to her" he said.
"ok sir," the waitress said. and went away with the order, that never in her life she ever heard before.
it was strangely the first time when someone had told her to go and get anything for them of her choice.
as time goes by, and she came with two plates of buffalo wings.
she put those plates on the table, and with a smile, proposed to us to taste any kind of drink we wished to have. I demanded water. and Derik ordered her to bring, all those American drinks, that I never heard of before.
we ate well. and I was flooded now. I wanted to go and Derik was not sure whether he was coming with me or not.
he told him to wait.
"hey she is so busy, I don't think she has enough time to talk with us. we will come tomorrow, and then you give her feedback as long as you want. "
he didn't care for what I said.
"she was blushing at me, dude, when you weren't there. of course, she is coming, wait a minute, and just see."
I waited.
"you are so stubborn. who taught you this, by the way?" I asked.
"It's just a passion, my friend. when you are in love, you love waiting. waiting for so long. As long as you wait, your love grows stronger and becomes sharper. it increases. that's the rule, that you never read, because you fundamentally refused to be in love. I advise you to love, so you begin to ask better questions." he took a sip of the drink.
evening turned into a beautiful night. and she didn't come to talk to him.
we both saw her going out of the restaurant while talking over the call with someone.
although she saw both of us, in a glimpse, and smiled as usual.
Derik was disappointed by her act.
so mean, and unkind she appeared as he went deeper into her character.
wryly he got up from the chair, and I tried to persuade him, which, more than clumsy excuses, it nothing could be, that she was really busy and no one else was on the call but her father.
his disappointment was deeper than my delineating false excuses.
we both headed back to home. and I was not happy for him.
I didn't cook dinner for myself, since already flooded with myself and wanted no fun to carry out that night, but to rest.
I nodded off that night, so early. I was so drawn by all that work. day was thoroughly exhausting.
even before sleeping, I was thinking about her and him to meet together. and to live together forever. but it really took a lot of energy to concentrate on their being together.
They both, in every way, were different, but because my friend had so much passion for her and love, I did want to imagine them together, subduing my own gut feeling.
it was the second day when I saw that girl. even for Derik.
time went by. I and Derik began to spend hours walking down the beachside and talking about that girl, who was so busy.
neither did I dare to approach that girl directly, who was most of the time surrounded by her father and a few of her friends, and most of all with all those unfunny customers of hers, not my dear friend had the courage or egolessness to approach her.
He was silly, of course, he was, but I was still wondering so high to know why men have so much ego out in their psyche.
When we were walking on the beach, I saw her in the window side, serving food to someone.
I did notice it, but I didn't let my friend know this.
She was talking with that guy, with an ardent smile on her face. And hair was flagging around that gentleman's shoulder, while she was pouring some sort of drink in the glass.
"What happened?" Derik asked.
"What?"
"Why aren't you answering my question?"
"What question?"
Then Derek's eyes unconsciously hit the windowsill, from where he could easily see her laughing with him.
"Who the hell is he?" He asked.
"Who?"
"Look at him" he instructed.
"Maybe..." I began to persuade him again.
But no excuses were allowed to be made.
"Oh not this time, Atif. It's apparent that she is in a relationship with this guy. And the last day, no one else was on the phone she was talking to, but he. "
"You don't know the matter, Derik. It's clearly a guess, that might be true or maybe not, you can't say" I said.
"It's better to talk with them, to have a better understanding, what you might call perspicuity" it was the clear proclamation of his going to approach her.
And not my advice was asked for.
I followed him. "Are you sure it would be appropriate to approach her at this time?"
"I don't know if it's appropriate or not, but it's important."
"I don't wanna wait at all." he lost his patience.
"so you gonna ask him directly, if is he her boyfriend or not?" I asked, in a hurry.
he didn't respond and swept into the room, irradiated all the funny environment, and broke the air of serenity in the restaurant hall.
derik's autocratic attitude, amateurish, suggested that he had no patience for a relationship to evolve within. his way of love was aggressive. his childish stubbornness evoked him to do something that at that specific time, not mandated should have been done. no sensible person would defy that my friend's childish behavior was wholesome from any vantage perspective.
I was behind him, with shut mouth.
"Forgive me, gentleman, for interrupting you." he began.
"I don't know you, but my wish now is evoking me to know you. can I ask you if you got your girlfriend yet?
it was awkwardly awkward. weirdly weird. and strangely strange.
"I beg my pardon?" he reacted, that's how he could.
"do you have any girlfriend?" he repeated the question.
"well" he chuckled, quite strangely. "of course, I have but..."
"so you have." sighed my friend.
"excuse me, can I know what's going on here?" my friend's lover, precious lady interrupted.
she too seemed confused.
derik looked towards her. and then to that gentleman, asking- "Is she you are dating?" he finally broke all the records of quirk.
"what nonsense you are talking about?" said that French-like gentleman, but still calm.
"yes, I want the answer."
"I don't know you, sir. but your behavior is so unacceptable." he finally said.
"Are you dating this guy?" Derik turned at her and asked.
her face looked surprised, and for her, it was losing a longlasting pride, that could be perceived at her face.
"Derik" I raised my voice, reasonably. "don't be insane man, and come let's go home, it's late already," I said. about which my friend didn't give any shit. he kept up with his insane passionate tone, that he forgot it turned out a disrespectful scene.
"answer my question, lady." he requested. his tone was still warm while talking with her, but his words were outstandingly inappropriate.
she didn't know what to say. but she wanted him out of her property, and her blazing eyes at least what suggested strongly. "do you know why am I asking this? because I can't see you with any guy" he said.
"i came here every day to see you, but you were busy talking with him, how can you?"
"enough. what the hell are you? who damn are you, eh?" frech guy left his sheet. and matched Derik's height. he was an inch taller than my friend.
"Oh, so you wanna kick me now?" Derik appeared to say.
derik's silliness was gone. his stupidity appeared, but childlessness vanished at once.
his innocence crawled off to him. his malice, sensed.
"I am not insane to hit, don't worry about that," he said.
"of course, you are not. more than that." Derik argued back.
"Derik what nonsense are you talking about? Let's go home" I interrupted. and held his wrist, which he pulled away, swiftly.
"I want you to go from here." said the lady.
how relatively bound up she was with that French gentleman, was uncertain. but still tolerating, for half an hour of Derik's presence was just unwrapping her tolerance, her grace, and on top of that, she was reflecting her patience, which was lacking in my friend.
she utterly defied, as time passed by, to listen to his grumbling, his blame, and whatever of the absurdity was it.
"you can't do that, you can't fucking ignore me, you don't even know what I am here for." cried my friend. he was emotionally unstable. I knew he didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings but to get hurt by anyone was unacceptable, or unendurable for my impatient pathetic friend.
his voice had a hurtful tone, miserable and confused but heated, to a certain extent. he wasn't sure what he was carrying out, but he knew he badly wanted that pretty lady to be his Valentine forever. to be in his miserable, lonely life, to spread some happy things.
"i don't know you, but I don't show any interest to know you, but the only request I can make is to go away, begone!" she said.
her father was there, and his gentlemanly approach seemed succumbing.
"what's going on here?" he demanded to the group.
"Dad" she looked at him and wanted not to share anything that happened.
"Dad it's no big deal. just..."
"Apparently, it suggests that it's a big deal. otherwise why you all gentlemen are having fights?"
"no, not me sir. it's more than a fight, drama what I call it." butted in the French guy.
"do you have a reserved sheet here, sir?" asked her dad to that French guy. and he said yes.
" what would you say?" he shifted his eye at Derik.
"I haven't paid for anything," he said, coldly.
"he is here at war. and this is not a restaurant, but an arena specialized for a fight." taunted that French guy, and then he fixed his eyes over the oval stainless-steel platter, which served with some kind of good thing, not exactly sure what.
"I not meant to be aggressive. but.."
"But what?" said her dad.
"I just wanted to have clarity."
"clarity on what?" he asked, voice not smooth.
"Dad you have a call, that is more important than this, and don't worry about it. it is just a misunderstanding, for which he needs clarity.
before getting out of the place, he gazed at him so terrifyingly. he wanted him to be kicked out of this place, but subconsciously, that couldn't become a reality.
"I just wanna say something to you," Derik said to the lady.
"i don't want anything to hear from you. your disrespectful, wicked behavior, i just want it more. please get out of my restaurant."
"I love you," Derik said. finally, he did, it at the wrong time, at the wrong place, and in front of the wrong people.
she was silent. her face was cold. my friend, as far as I observed, lost his all respect in her eyes. she began to hate him.
"Derik stop." I raised my voice. I divined that lady's discomfort.
"just get out of here." I was opposing my friend. it was the hardest thing I did in my life.
"no, I wanna let her know what I feel about her, so she can know how mad am i at her." he began.
"you are mad. you are insane" said that French guy.
"you made my day, my friend. nothing more I could get from you." he got up from the chair.
"food was delicious, young lady." she complimented, and then gone.
his weird gaze showed how impactful insanity my friend portrayed in this place.
"Don't you love me?" Derik asked, his emotion was transparent. his instability made him a mad guy in front of her, who was a pathetic moron.
"I don't and will never love you. I never saw such a person, who is disrespectful, insane, silly person like you. I want you to go out of my place, and let me live." she said. no sense of kindness was in her tone, bucket of hate, though, and strange prejudice.
"I am going now. but I know you love me. your smile, your eyes, and every part of your body yelled, that day, that you love me...I still believe you have the feeling for me that I have for you. I will be waiting, my love. now I am going, because I am not a moron, I don't want to force you to say what you want, but not in the mood to say.
derik was gone, and I awkwardly was at that place, the center of several weird girly gazes.
all of her staff were looking at me like I carried out something very veinous.
her face was down, she was ashamed. she was looking at the phrase rigorously.
"Hey, I am sorry," I said softly, and carefully. She said nothing in response.
"he was just being so impatient. I know he was wrong, he must be sorry for whatever happened here.
"It's fine. you can go now," she said without lifting her head.
"Love begins with respect, and no respect when is shown, even unintentionally, is an amateurish attempt to love even animals. he was so dumbass. he was insane. maybe I will not forgive him, as a human. I am a friend of his because he is a kind of child. his innocence is undeniable, of course immutable. I know he hurts you and even disrespects you. but to be candid, ma'am, he is not bad from the heart, but he doesn't deserve you I know. a short request ma'am-- don't think of him as a wicked person, he is not. bye"
"you are a good friend of his, aren't you?" she uttered when I turned to leave the room.
"I am."
"teach him one thing, children don't deserve women to have in life. let him be a man first, who, as you put it rightly, respects a woman. respects every human."
I nodded and left the room.
egregious, the whole consequences came out as, that was shameful, and an attempt, that utterly failed to impress her. She probably would never talk with him, not even would want to see his face in the future. he lost his all respect in her eye, and that was the terrible, and not tragic end
no gentility in his voice was found when he began talking, one-sidedly, with the guy, who in his French suit, a handsome high-class gentleman, was awkwardly seeing my friend speaking. he wasn't sure what to say. neither my graceful friend was in the mood to refer to his authority of speaking to anyone. to even me. I was just scornful, like was at the funeral, giving him condolences for losing her, the gracious lady, who could probably be his life partner. but impossible now.
Everything was at the end now.
Derik's deed was unruly.
Derik's kindness, could not be a shield defence of what he did that day. nonetheless, I went to meet him. But when I reached his home, he wasn't there. I asked Mr. Jonickson about his account. But he couldn't exactly fog out my vague.
That was the try, I made to meet him, to urge him that it wasn't the right course of action, moreover, I had a lot to say that he should not meet with her since she already was so concerned, and terrified, unearthed her pride as lost metal. And probably was figuring out what she did, and if not anything, then should she have been ashamed of, for anything? Not or why not?
I didn't think she was so dumb enough to amuse herself by doing just nothing. She had not to.
I planned to meet that girl because my friend's that evening behavior was evoking a sense of morality, in me, to show some sympathy, and a jovial sort of decency, to cool her down.
I didn't know what right, or wrong, what appropriate or inappropriate was. But vague vision, not at all, I noticed did prevent me from stepping into her restaurant, to meet with her. Quite lucid, the fact appeared to me, that I must, as a human, go and talk with her, as I should have with Derik. She equally, a human was. Perhaps a friend too, Who I cared about.
Call it autism at its peak, but it was genuine me. No filter, but I, to a degree verifiably, could claim that it was my unmasked characteristics, that were weird. Weird, very much.
I was in my balcony, walking effortlessly, absorbed in the matter, quite intimately.
I had to go, I decided, to meet that girl, and to say sorry again, and tell her not to worry a lot about anything that happened. It was all bullshit.
I had another plan, to go there with Derik, and to tell Derik to apologize to her directly, and it would certainly have put that concern aside. And things would have been wholesome again. But the major flaw with this idea was, that she didn't want to see Derik. Her known prejudice, which was reasonable, wouldn't allow her to confidently confront that guy.
What a perpetrator, in the realm of stupidity, my friend was.
However, I abided by my thoughts and called on that pretty lady. She was not there in the restaurant. The accountant, who was at the reception, told me to wait. So I took my sheet near the window side. Looking at the beach from this angle was so heavenly.
"is there any order from you, sir?" asked a hazel-eyed chubby lady, who was in a white apron, in her mid-30s, and was nice-natured.
"no, I haven't," I said.
"would you like anything?"
"no, but would consider it my pleasure if you ask your boss to take some time to meet me" I grinned, superficially.
"oh, of course, sir. but MISS Emily is...."
"what's going on, Kayla?" a rude voice came from the behind of the lady.
"oh nothing, I was just telling him..."
again that rude voice interrupted, which was from a tall lady, but younger and eyes, so much embellished with cosmetics.
"don't tell. it's not your job, is it? you get paid for asking, for and serving dishes. isn't that clear?"
"yes," she was down, in the response.
that beautiful birdy woman went inside, her head was down.
I was a little shocked, observing her behavior.
she then looked at me, like I was a blacksmith, came here for whatever, that she seemed to suggest, wasn't her business to know.
"excuse me" I uttered, as she turned her curvy figure to go to the kitchen.
"I was asking that lady where can I meet Mrs. Emily?" I confirmed the pause from her.
"Mrs. Emily, the boss?" I let her know who I was talking about as if she didn't know it.
Her ignorance was profound.
"She is not there, visit someday else"
I opened my mouth, but it remained locked, lastly. Her solid persona, I didn't think could melt down.
Well-crafted rudeness, slipped away from her face when I soothingly added- "ma'am it's important to talk, I don't want my being sorry to fade away."
She somehow knew who was i. A duffoos. A friend of a psychopathic maniac. A goofy person.
All of my understanding was set on the pedestal of illusion. Imaginary, delusionary hate what she had for me and my friend. She hadn't met the kinder part of my friend yet, and if the business is about me, then not a percent of the bit was known to her.
When I gently pushed my voice, in the message of appeal she seemed down.
"You're saying anything can't make her come, Mr. You should wait, In accord with what you want, if it's really necessary to talk, then I can call her to come."
"Yes please" I smiled to gently back up her idea of calling her.
She faded into the other part of the door.
I was playing, nervously, with my fingers, striking one over another, rather softly, and non-violently.
Nothing to drink, and pizza to eat, but my mood was not to look at anything to gulp.
I was glad that all those people who were there, were, in the majority, weren't there at the moment of my visit.
Albeit, a guy on the corner side of the sheet, with Hamburger, even that day was present and witnessed all those terrible incidents that happened. I would rather call it an accident.
when I waited, I literally spent an hour without talking to anyone, and still coming to her was uncertain. who had I to ask? no one was there to listen to me. the same waitresses though, but had enough care of her job.
"excuse me, you" I uttered losing my well-developed patience.
a girl, a new waitress, matched my eyes. "how can I help, sir?"
friendly, it's good---- i thought.
"your smile is pretty, first. second, and most importantly, might I be waiting here an additional hour to see your boss?"
"Miss Emily?"
"yes, you that boss"
"sir, I can't say she will be back in a few hours. but I guess, she will be in her leisure tomorrow. and thank you for your nice compliment."
I grinned but with no satisfied soul.
I stood up from the comfortable, mahogany chair.
no one had time to look at me standing.
I was on my way to the restaurant, which was suggestively empty, in vibes. and somehow gloomy as well, the environment that my friend sprayed last day.
I was in the parking lot, beside the beach, which looked incredibly heaven's site. I saw a blue car coming from a neutral speed, and parked near the car I was standing by.
emily, I uttered slowly.
she was well-dressed, looking tall and fresh. her blonde hair was flagging because of the smooth cold air. She gave the file to her driver and said something that was of no use to me.
she looked at me and spun her eyes to see the beauty, the heaven on earth.
her eyes locked into my eyes and she hesitated for a moment. and then she came closer.
"what are you doing here?"
"Come to see you," I said.
"I don't want it. pleased don't, I am fine"
"you are not. your eyes can't lie."
she looked at me, and then nervously, as if hiding something of her most precious thing, shifted her eyes somewhere else, saying- "excuse me, no I am really okay"
"your eyes have still to say- no" I paused for a moment. my voice was gentle but serious. somehow deep, and regretful, in woe.
I was trying, failed, and again trying to comfort my face, and so to her.
"I don't want smpathsing you. I don't wanna sound irritable, but I know you are hurt. only because of a guy who is a friend." I said.
"it is a well-faded past to me. I forgot all."
"It's hard to efface, you tried quite well though, I can see."
"listen I don't need your sorry. I don't want anything from you and your friend. given was enough."
"I waited a few hours for you, you should ask why," I said.
"what do you want from me?"
"blank pages"
"I am sorry?"
"life is so short, and pages, very few are blank where you can fill your own world with inks, of any color you want"
"what if someone else comes into your life and throws red acidic inks, and makes it insidious?"
I was silent.
"you can't understand what a girl goes through. for you, it was just an incident, that passed. girls don't think that way. I highly doubt that you ever knew women." she said and moved to go.
"if I didn't know, I wouldn't come," I said.
she turned towards me.
"my wife taught me, when she died, that you will never talk with women, with greed. purity what girls want. guys, only beauty."
she nodded, perhaps she understood the intricacy of my vividness of lilac, which was in a long eager attempt to caress her soul, embracing her cheery pretty, rising feather of enthusiasm.
"Thanks," she said. and she wanted to say something else. but that rude lady whom I met, and felt the injection of rude gaze, urgently invited her to see the accounts.
"excuse me" she smiled and was gone. but before that, I said one last thing, which she perhaps admired, and accepted with grace.
I said- "the sun will again shine when someone better comes into your life, who will not be derik. but like a king and kind ."
my friend needed lessons of love, and lots of literary prose, to learn what loving someone means. and I hoped that he would deserve someone better, a girl who would care about his feelings, and be intuitive enough to understand his childish things.
In the evening I departed from the beach side to finish my urgent work. my long discussion was wholesome in Hudson Philosophy Club, where I met a new friend, with philosophical depth. I spent most of my hours talking about ethics and a few flaws, that were hardly going to be fixed because of the lack of universality in it. I had my dinner there, at 8:00 and I was not in the mood to drink, but Sam forced me to do so. "one sip, only one" he said.
I had hardly any fancy and craved any bottle of wine. but that day, and just to cheer his smartness, I sipped twice.
it was so bad.
and then Sam and Johnny cracked a few jokes about whines which was so nonsensical. I laughed though, because I was feeling good. not definitely because of the alcohol that pleased me biologically. but the reason was Emily. I finally met her and told them whatever I thought too. my metamorphosis into an elated animal was not permanent.
he wanted me to stop but I never meant to. "sorry Sam, but I got to go somewhere. "
"heh, let him go." said a guy, whom I had a fun time with. "and congratulate instead for his date going well" and they laughed louder.
"It's not fair man," I said. " okay bye"
a glimpse of my friend came into my consciousness. I think not going to his home would really be not moral. I headed to his home, therefore.
CHAPTER- 4
It was nighttime, and going to Derik seemed not the right thing but I went to his home anyway.
I knew he needed me more than anything else at that moment. He was feeling miserable at that time. and I didn't want my friend to look like that.
As I took the cab from there, I checked a few unopened messages. And could have been necessary. 3 new messages, from totally unknown people. One was from Alicia Windrow, I never met her ever before. And knew nothing about her and her profession. Another message was from Jackie, who I knew a bit, from college but I never befriended him or got a chance to exchange even a minute of convo with him. So I first opened his message that was about college and stuff. He wrote- "Dear Atif, we are going to end our 2nd year and your long absence from college made prof dawk think that are even alright or not. So he asked in class one day whether anyone knew you or not, so I fortuitously was aware of you and we have never talked which is another thing but my knowing you was enough. I didn't know your email or phone number so I got it from Liz. I know you both had some personal relationship and I don't want to delve into it and neither I intend to offend you or make you anything about me that can easily be deemed inappropriate.
Hope you are alright, and if so, then I will be waiting for your messages.
I nodded, in a satisfied gesture that at least someone reminded me, and my absence was considered by professors and all. I took a sigh and then disclosed the email because not the time was in my favor for these replies at the moment. Cab led my deathly tired body to one deserted street established on the east side of the city. Derik used to live here with his family, and after the terrible accident that took his family away. And still, he was living in the same apartment, and he didn't forget to forget his mom and dad, who were, as he still says, the best humans on earth. Undeniably everyone's parents are the best for them, he was no different.
When I handed a dollar to the cabby, I felt a pang of extreme guilt. Car was gone, and a strange feeling of guilt took over my mind. I began to think- "How can I be worthless to my friend? How dare I confront sadness in him? How dare I not to meet his dream?"
I went to the apartment, that was too old, and the archaic interior, I saw, was still shining.
It was indeed a big apartment. Two kitchens was both sides of the home were placed. 3 bedrooms and all were locked up. He settled himself on the 2nd floor, where he with his sister used to play, and it was designed for their playthings to be settled there. And now with few broken toys, it was the dwell he was living. When I went up to the floor, I saw the door was closed. I knocked up the window.
No reply was made. I was again knocked up. And the door got opened. I was shocked by what I saw.
A young small-eyed lady, with a certain extent of makeup put up over her face, was eyeing me like I was no one to her and a stranger.
"where is Derik?" I asked, my voice was half-frozen, half rude.
She made no answer.
"where is Derik?" I asked again, and this time more efforts were pushed through my voice.
"he is resting. And don't wanna see anyone now." Her voice was not rude but not friendly either.
"but I wanna meet him, right now" I proposed.
"he is in rest. I can't let you come at present." She said, like a responsible security guard.
"but I wanna meet him now, he won't mind me if I meet him now" I attempted to convince her.
"but I would. You can't come in sir. Come tomorrow. and he will be there to talk"
"but I wanna meet him now, can't you understand what I am saying?" I irritatingly said.
She didn't care about my urgency. She didn't give any considerable answer to me. her silence Fueled my vexation a step up.
"Who are you to not let me in?" I asked, this time vexed.
"whoever am I shouldn't be a matter of concern for you, and it won't be a help for you by any chance," she said.
"derik, derik can you hear me." I began to shout towards the room. No reply came back to me. perhaps he isn't in there, I thought. I pushed the gate and stepped into the room. She made no effort to stop me, nor did she say anything to me.
"Derik wasn't there, I found.
I went to the bathroom and not even a vestige of his presence I could find.
I then eyed back the girl with a serious gesture. "where is he?' I asked, my eyes straightened on her. voice, cold and leading to seriousness.
she made no answer. But her gaze was sinister.
"her lips were in beneath the other lips, and she was in a different avatar, what my microscopic sense noticed. She was not smiling but a littleness of something elated was asserted in her complicated countenance, which for me was hard to decipher.
"answer my question" I shouted.
she smiled, a little. It was so horrible and suggested nothing decent about her.
"Are you smiling?" I shockingly asked. My eyes narrowed down.
"you are stupid. Utterly stupid" she said.
"tell me the truth where is he, I won't let you speak trivial things. Tell me where is he?" I retorted.
"you are safe, isn't it enough for you, you stupid young boy?" she said, her voice still calm. Something of the calmness was compelling me to lose my temper, but I controlled myself anyway.
She was making me helpless, and perplexed to some extent.
"Who are you?" I asked.
She chuckled again. So maniac of her.
"I said who are you?" my tone was fixative.
"I am someone who you better don't inquire about, because it'll leave you terrified." She said.
"What did you do with my friend?" I asked, this time my aggressive voice was shrunk.
She turned back and walked a few steps into the room, and then said, almost as casual as she could be. "don't worry, sir. He is safe. He is resting." Her voice was easing but my comfort was out of equilibrium
"where is he resting, and in what way? I suspect your humility, so answer me what you mean by resting?"
"you are too diplomatic." she chuckled like a cinnamon lady.
at that time nothing more I could draw from her. but I was backed out, suddenly. no time was given to me to inquire reasons and to fix it.
When I woke up, the thing was not clear, that was white, in colour. Ah, I could see it as time passed by. I began to notice that I was led down on some type of narrow rock-made thing. My eyes were struggling to see the clear face of the thing, that later appeared as the ceiling. My energy was at its lowest, and masculinity seemed to get buried into me.
I was led to the weirdest rock-like furniture, no bedsheets were beneath it. I woke up with no shit in my mind, but her name was dropping from my lips, with strange inexorable continuity.
I pronounced her name half-dead- "Lisa. Lisa, where did you put me?"
No answer was made in the reply. Perhaps I had no conscious ability to get up from the furniture and inquire about my surroundings with my keen eagle-like eyes, from which I had been successfully analyzing a plethora of questions of ethics.
Someone came closer, I observed. Palpably, I felt the weird touch. Somewhat hard to tolerate.