Wouldn't it be great if, at the exact moment you decide you're ready for a relationship, your perfect match miraculously appears at your door with a smile and your favourite foods and suggests a cosy movie night on the couch?
Unfortunately, there's a little more work involved in finding a partner that's right for you, including asking yourself some pointy questions and being prepared to wait for the right person.
This can help if:
you feel ready for a relationship
you've had relationships with people who weren't right for you
you don't know what kind of person is right for you
you don't know how to find that special person.
What are you looking for?
It isn't always a simple matter to decide if you want to get into a relationship with another person. Whether you're on the lookout for someone, or already have a particular person in mind, it's a good idea to be clear about what you want. First of all, ? Are you comfortable with your current life situation and want someone to share new experiences with? It's not unusual for some people to look for a relationship as a way of 'fixing' something in their life, or because they simply like the idea of it. But making sure you're ready can help you to feel secure and happier when you find someone you want to be with.
When you know you're ready, think about what aspects of a relationship are important to you and what personal qualities you value in yourself and others. You can even make a list and underline the things you won't compromise on.
Try to avoid just listing superficial things like 'long hair', 'a cute smile' or 'blue eyes'. These things can distract you from what's going to be important, such as whether you are compatible on a personal level. Of course, physical attraction is important, too, but it's amazing how irresistible someone can become as you get to know them.
You might decide you like people who are:
trustworthy
honest
affectionate
respectful
kind
generous
fun
loyal.
Once you've made your list, keep it in mind when you're meeting new people or getting to know someone better. It'll help you to figure out whether a connection you feel with someone could lead to something meaningful.
It's also worth thinking about what kind of relationship you want. Do you want to be in an exclusive relationship with one person, or would you be open to you and your partner consensually ? It's important for you and your future partner to agree on this, to avoid misunderstandings that could lead to one of you feeling hurt.
Do you already have someone in mind?
If you're attracted to someone and are thinking about having a relationship with them, then spend some time getting to know them first. The more you discover about them and let them get to know about you, the better idea you'll have about whether you're right for each other.
To help you decide, here are some questions to ask yourself:
Do they have the qualities that I value?
Do we communicate easily?
Do I feel relaxed and myself around this person?
Do we respect each other's beliefs and cultures?
If you're still unsure if someone would be a good match for you, you can always talk to your friends and family to see what they think about it.
Does the other person want a relationship?
Relationships are a two-way street. If you've got someone in mind, do you know how they feel about you? Ideally, each of you will feel the same way and, if it feels right, you can go for it.
But often things don't run that smoothly. It's hard when you realise that the person you're really into doesn't feel the same way about you. Feeling rejected sucks. But it's also a normal part of dating and of the process of finding a partner. The most important thing is to be with someone who's into you, too.
Where will you find someone who's right for you?
Try going to places where there are people with similar interests to you. Clubs and societies create great little communities of like-minded people, and there's nothing like a shared interest to get you talking with someone new. Do a bit of research to see if your school, uni or local community has any groups you'd be interested in joining.
You never know where you might meet someone. A gig, a house party, on the bus, or (if you're over 18) a new bar. If you meet someone who you think you could get along with, try starting a conversation and see whether they're open to chatting. A smile and a friendly gesture can be all it takes to start getting to know someone better. But if this is a bit daunting (and it is for heaps of people), check out our .
What about dating apps?
Chatting with and meeting people on dating apps can be a really fun and positive experience, and it's how a lot of people date. Plus, it can be exciting coming across people you may not necessarily have met in your day-to-day life.
If you decide you're keen on trying out dating apps, keep these tips in mind:
Safety first. Make sure you're careful of your personal safety. Meet people in public places, and don't give anyone too much personal info early on. for more info.
Looks aren't everything. If you're judging people based only on how they look in their photos, there's going to be plenty of potentially great matches left behind as you swipe left and dismiss them.
Take a break if you need to. Constant swiping can become tiring. And it's not unusual to feel pretty fatigued by the process. Check out these tips on .
It doesn't have to last forever
You may decide that you're ready and want to be in a relationship now, but that doesn't mean you'll want to stay in it later. You should never feel locked into a relationship. So, if you do start dating someone, keep checking in with yourself about how you're going.
If you're just not feeling it any more, and are thinking of ending things with someone, that's totally fine, too. Just remember that the other person's feelings matter just as much as yours do, and it's important to go about things respectfully. .
Importantly, if the relationship is having a negative impact on your mental health and wellbeing, then there might be something more serious going on. Talking about it with a counsellor, relationship specialist or can help you to , or something else, and they can support you in dealing with the situation.
Hopefully, you're now feeling a little more prepared for the world of dating and starting a relationship. These experiences can be super fun (but don't forget that , too).
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𝘽𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙥𝙨
When you're battling through with a break-up, whether from a good relationship or a bad one, it can be hard to know what will make you feel better. The good thing to remember is that the tough times are only temporary. But if you are looking for a few tips to get back on track, there are ways you can make the whole thing a little easier.
This can help if:
you're going through a break-up
you've already gone through a break-up
you want some coping strategies for when a relationship is ending
you're moving on from a bad relationship.
How to: Survive the break-up
Breaking up is hard to do. When a relationship ends, it's normal to feel like a part of you is missing, and that might be the case for a hot minute. But in the meantime, there are ways you can soften the blow and get back on track.
Slow and steady It can be difficult to come to terms with what's happened. Don't expect to bounce back to your old self immediately. Ask anyone who's had a broken heart and they'll tell you: there are good days and bad, but we all come good in the end..
Get your confidence back Make time to do the things that you enjoy – kick a footy, catch up with mates, binge Netflix, or challenge your friends to a gaming tournament or board game battle. Give yourself a well-earned break.
Don't hit the bottle or take drugs When you're reeling from a break-up there's always a temptation to cut loose and get off your head. But taking drugs or boozing is a temporary distraction that will end up doing more harm than good. If you can feel yourself sliding in that direction, head on over to our for more info.
Stick to a routine During a break-up, your head might be spinning, so a little routine can go a long way. This can be something as simple as having a shower before bed each night, or setting your alarm for an 8 am wakeup call each morning – whatever helps you to get a bit of stability back into your everyday life.
Express yourself It's normal to feel lonely after a break-up, and it can help to open up about this in a way that feels comfortable to you. Chat to a mate who has been through a break-up, listen to your favourite tunes or just take some time out to chill. By coming to terms with what's happened, you can heal and move on.
App, app and away! Because we're living in the age of digital dating, it won't be long before someone suggests signing up to Tinder (or Hinge, or Happn, or Bumble). If you think that chatting with some new people is a step in the right direction, go for it. But don't feel the pressure to 'rebound' instantly, breaking up is a personal thing and we all operate on different timelines.
Get some more tips on coping over on the .
Other break-up challenges
Leaving a bad relationship behind It's normal to feel angry, betrayed, detached, and a bunch of other emotions when a bad relationship ends. There's often the gnawing feeling of, 'Should I have known?' or 'Is this going to happen with my next relationship, too?' That kind of stuff really sucks when you're not feeling your normal, confident self.
The post-dump slump While many break-ups are mutual, sometimes one person makes the decision to end the relationship. Being 'dumped' is a tough pill to swallow, and it's normal to feel angry, or upset in the aftermath like you've been rejected by the person you trusted most. It might also seem unfair that you got dumped, and you may get frustrated at the situation, or at your ex-partner. Try to remember that breaking up is never easy, for the dumper or the dumpee.
Resolving trust issues You might find that post break-up you're not exactly full of trust. Use this time to reflect on the choices you made and to decide what's important to you in a relationship.
A healthy way to learn how to approach future relationships is to accept the mistakes you made in your last one and take a little lesson from each. Acknowledge what went wrong and resolve not to let it happen again. But don't be hard on yourself, just spend some time trying to understand your fears and feelings.
Handling an angry ex's lies Some people take the end of a relationship badly – so badly, that they'll share their bad attitude with everyone. Their lies about you can be damaging, but remember that your ex-partner may feel as hurt as you do, and all this storytelling may be their (unhealthy) way of coping.
Have some answers prepared for when people ask you about the rumours, and laugh off any untrue stories. If it's happening online, report any posted content and the people involved, then unfriend and block them.
Coping with seeing your ex around Be chill. This doesn't mean being really nice or acting as if nothing happened; it means that you treat your ex as a human being and with basic respect. If you're unsure how you might react, don't force yourself to actively interact with them. Saying 'hey' or letting small talk happen naturally can help minimise any feeling of awkwardness. Take the high road, and always try to be your best self.
If things don't get better There are strategies you can develop to help deal with stressful times. See for more info. You may want to consider visiting a counsellor or a therapist who can help you identify ways to cope that work for you.
We know it can be hard to identify the right kind of support when you need it. Have a go at using , an anonymous online tool that recommends relevant support options based on what you want help with.
If, over time, you still feel as sad as the day you broke up, you might be going through more than just a hard time. Check out some of the and, if you're worried about how you're feeling, visit your GP. It'll be easier and faster to work out what's going on with their help. No matter what, in time, and with a strong support network, you will bounce back and feel better.
All information was from: https://au.reachout.com/articles/coping-with-a-breakup
-That's all for now! take care <3