Again. ONCE AGAIN, I failed my brother.
I should have listened to him, I was so focused on helping my brother that I assumed things, and now everyone probably hates me for punching their grandpa, I don't feel good about it myself.
It's going to be 29° today, so at breakfast, Roy suggested that we're going to hang out at the pool the whole day, like a pool party.
I have put on some tight blue shorts that go right above my knee and a dark blue oversized t-shirt, long enough to hide the finger-formed bruise on my arm, mostly hiding it for myself to not get reminded, but also hiding it for the others, I don't want them to ask about it.
I'm not planning on go into the pool, the water will just reveal my black eye and the only swimming suit I have is a bikini, and that will reveal my bruised stomach and discolored thighs, even though dad have already seen them the day in the restroom, but I don't want to give him or the others, a reason to ask about it.
I take my phone and sit in the window, scrolling through Instagram.
I sit there for about half an hour when I hear someone from outside, I look out of the window, Talia and Angela are chatting with a glass of something in their hand, they go sit on the beach benches.
I watch my cousins and brothers walking to the pool in swimming trunks. Robin comes laughing out with Lorenz, my stomach begins to hurt when I see Robin.
I go back to my bed so they can't see me in the window, I sit in my own thoughts, my own painful thoughts. I promised myself that I would do anything to protect Robin, and I haven't just failed him once but several times.
The day mom died, when I broke down at the funeral, all the times I broke down when I was supposed to be strong for him, I couldn't even protect him from the man in the hall, and then yesterday.
I pull out my dad's blazer and hug it. It feels weird to find comfort from someone's clothes but it's the only thing that helps me right now.
"Alessia?"
I look up to see Alexander standing in the door. He's wearing black swimming trunks and a gray t-shirt. I quickly shove the blazer back under the covers. I know it's useless to hide it from him but maybe he gets the hint and won't ask about it.
"I knocked, you didn't answer," he says, walking over to me. I apologize, turning my look to my feet.
"Are you okay?" he asks, ignoring my apology. He takes a seat right next to me.
I nod. He puts his arm around my shoulder, and lowers his head, so he looks up at me.
"Why that sad face? Don't smile. Don't smile. You must not smile. No. I said don't smile."
I chuckle at his silliness. He cracks a smile.
I look at him. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again. He pulls his arm back again. "Do you wanna go down to the pool?" I nod.
As we walk down to the pool, I slip my hand into his, and he closes his finger around my small hand, I feel the same as I do with dad, safe.
Right before we get into the other's sight, I pull my hand back. I'm not sure how he is feeling about holding hands with his little sister in front of others. I know he shows less emotion towards others than family, but I don't know how close family.
We walk outside, the sun warms up my body, the sound of laughing and splashing water fills my ears, and the smell of grass and chlorine from the water hits my nose.
Everyone besides those over 30 years old is in the pool.
"ALEXANDER! WE NEED ONE MORE PERSON TO CHICKEN FIGHT. YOU IN?" Baldassare yells from the small kind of cliff where the slide is.
"Yeah, I'm in!" He answers, before he pulls off his shirt and dives into the pool and gets either Manuel or Samuel on his shoulders. Robin is on Salvatore's shoulders.
"OKAY. 3. 2. 1. GO!" Baldassare shouts. And the game begins.
The beach benches are paired with four next to each other, each with a parasol. In the first four are Talia, Angela, and grandma, the next is Dominic, Carlos, dad, and Luigi.
I slowly walk over to where dad is, but the one I really wanna talk to is Luigi. I feel so bad punching him when he didn't even hurt Robin.
Dad, Dominic, and Carlos are talking about something while Luigi is just watching the boys.
I walk past dad; I see he is about to say something to me but stops himself when he sees me take a seat at the end of Luigi's bench. Dad turns around again to talk with his brothers, letting Luigi and I talk.
"Hi," I say a little awkwardly.
"Hi," he says and sits up.
"I'm sorry I hit you." I blurt out. He doesn't answer immediately.
"It's okay, I would have done the same if someone hit my brother."
"You're not mad?"
"No," he chuckles. "Like your dad probably has told you, I wanted to test if you are a true Riccardo, and you are. You stood up to your family, but I want you to start to stand up for yourself too, you need some self-respect... I also want to say sorry for scaring you."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not... and what I said about your mom is not true... I liked your mother and even though I will always hate her for taking you and Robin away, I understand why she did it."
"Why did she do it?" I ask after a moment. After all this time I have never really thought of why mom left.
Dad says something I don't hear.
"Hm?" I look at him.
"What do you want to drink?" He asks.
"Umm, Cola?"
"Okay. And what about you dad? We're going to have a beer." He says looking at Luigi.
"A beer sounds good."
Dad stands up to go to one of the maids. "Wait, I will do it, I need to go to the restroom anyway," Luigi says and walks away.
I watch the boys, there are three left in the chicken fight, Alexander is one of them.
"Sweetheart." I look at dad. "Isn't it hot? don't you wanna take off the shirt?" he asks me, I realize I sweat a lot, it is hot, but I can't take it off. I shake my head. He sighs.
"It's okay, but just so you know, no one is gonna judge you."
"Thanks, but I don't want to."
"Okay." I go and sit on the next pair of beach benches and take my phone out.
A while later a maid, with too much clothes on for this weather, comes out with my Cola and the others' beer.
15 minutes pass by and the boys are still in the pool.
"Alessia!"
I look up from my phone.
"Can you please take this and put it on the table?" Manuel or Samuel ask, holding a watch in his hand.
I put my phone aside and walk over to him, I reach for the watch but instead two pair of arms take mine and pull me in the pool with the head first, the last thing I hear is:
"MANUEL, SAMUEL."
I get my head over water again; an arm wraps around my waist and helps me towards land while I try to swim back myself, I pull myself up, and cough to get the small amount of water out of my lounges.
"Are you okay?" Alexander asks me, he's still in the water but the water is only reaching below his shoulder. I don't get to answer before dad reaches me.
Dad wraps a towel around me, and guides me over to the beach benches again, he seats me in front of him. I use the towel to wipe the water out of my face.
Dad put a hand on my cheek. "Are you- " he cuts himself off, and goes quiet, I frown. "What happened to your eye?" he asks me. My heart jumps into my throat. "How long have you had this?" I freeze, everything and nothing goes through my head. I stare into my dad's blue eyes, hoping that I heard wrong, and he still doesn't know anything about anything.
"Umm" I say, not knowing what to say, I look down.
"Have you had it for a long time?" I nod. "Does it still hurt?"
"Only if you touch it," I mumble.
"Pietro is a doctor; would you mind if he takes a look at it?"
I see no reason to not let him, now that dad already knows, so I nod.
"Pietro! Can you please come over here!" he yells.
Pietro comes over in his dark blue swimming trunks, water drips from his dark hair. Dominic throws a towel at him, which he catches and dries himself a bit before he takes a seat beside dad.
"What's up?"
"Can you please take a look at her eye."
He looks at me and his eyebrows reach his hairline. He takes his hand to my face but stops halfway. "May I?" I nod, and he begins to study my black eye.
"How long have you had it?" he asks me. Fuck.
"Umm, about three-three weeks."
"Three weeks!" Dad and Pietro shout at the same time, gaining the others' attention.
"Why haven't you said anything?" Dad asks me, he looks hurt.
"I-I don't know," I lie. Everybody starts to get closer to us.
"Is everything okay?" Alexander asks. Dad ignores him.
"Do you have any other bruises?" he asks me. Shall I tell him?
I haven't answered him for a long time. He takes my hand. "Can you show me?"
I hesitate but pull up my shirt a bit to show them my bruised stomach.
"How did you get that?" Santino asks. I don't answer him.
"Who did it?" Pietro asks me.
"No one, I- "
"Don't lie, I can see it."
"If you don't tell me what happened, I can't help you." Dad tells me.
I don't answer. "Why don't you tell them?" Robin asks me.
No one says anything, waiting for me to answer but I don't. I stare at dad's necklace that I haven't noticed before now.
"If you don't, I will," he says.
I still don't answer, something in me wants to tell them, but it's just too hard.
"Do you- do you know how mom died?" Robin asks dad.
"No."
Robin doesn't answer immediately so I do.
"Killed," everyone's eyes turn to me; I'm still staring at dad's necklace. "Shot. Right in front of my eyes," I finish. The tears start to press. Unable to hold them back.
Dad takes a seat next to me; he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest.
"It's okay, sweetheart, just start from the beginning, take your time."
I take a deep breath.
Wordcount: 1880
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