Ephesians 5:2
And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
𝙴𝙳𝙴𝙽
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"What is a relationship with God without complete and utter sacrifice?"
It feels good to be back in the church again. It feels like forever since i have got to enjoy the word. However the devil still finds a way to be present, I know what people are thinking already, they have all seen the news and the same looks ace was getting have now find a way to make it to me.
It's like I'm living in his skin and everything that he goes through has become me. I'm quickly reminded of the verse that mentions how Jesus became sin even though he was sinless. Is this how he felt? Is this how he was treated?
I twist the body of the office chair as i watch pastor Davis preach on the altar from the media booth.
"So tell me already! was it true?" Carly another media team member asks from beside me, she has been pressuring me all day about the news, asking if ace really fought for me or not and i have been giving her nothing in return.
My fingers click a few of the switches on the switchboard to fix the lighting while trying to avoid the fact carly is more interested in Gossip that she misses Pastor Davis's cue to put the bible verse he has been asking for 3 times on the screen.
I groan before reaching over and doing it for her.
"John 15:13? Media team where are you?" Annoyance fills me as i type it up getting it ready, i take a breath to calm myself.
When the verse is finally up, pastor davis is as gracious to continue on with his sermon which i can barely listen to because of Gossip.
"Just tell me and i will give it up. I mean i didn't even know you and ace had something going on all this time. I thought the guy was built of stone." Calm down eden.
"Can we just focus on the media carly? Ace is not God so let's not cut into God's time okay?" She squints her eyes leaning further into me,
"He isn't- he isn't hurting you is he?" I make a fist then put my hand under my thighs sitting on them so that i don't do or say the wrong thing.
"Hurting me? Is that a joke? I think you need to stop talking now." I point to the screen, her brows furrow and her face gives me a quick whats-her-deal glance before she bites her tongue and wheels her chair back to her side of the tight room.
For the first time since service started i have silence. And all that's left for me to focus on is the word.
"The issue isn't that people don't know that they have to give things up. It's that they know yet don't know how to sacrifice. People think they can come to Christ staying the exact same with the exact same sin and habits and for some reason believe the Lord is okay with that." The congregation mmm's among each other shaking their heads
"But can i tell you a secret brothers and sisters?" Pastor davis asks, i cue for the camera to change direction when i see him walk away from the altar and pace around with his hands intertwined in each other.
"Pane to camera 5" I say to the mic that leads to the camera team.
"The only one who says they have met Jesus and still continues in sin is a liar." All cues run out of my mind rapidly when his words convict me...
"How can we continue in sin when grace abounds? if we are not willing to give everything up for the Lord then we are still yet to know him. Only the person who knows Jesus personally and knows his character can give up his life for him and know i will receive more than this life in return." The camera pans to some faces that look just as convicted as i do.
"The issue is that we have too many people who have received false salvation. For a life with Jesus means constantly dying to your flesh, constant sacrifice and constant consecration-" Pastor Davis comes to a complete stop on the altar. My eyes are glued to him like he were a bright star.
"Many believers don't have one of that. Not one. Do you not know that to accept Christ isn't only by words but by action? Or is it not Christ who says that we are not to be hearers of the word by doers." He walks back to the pulpit, opening his bible not before closing his eyes and saying a word to the Lord.
The instrumental team begins playing a worship sound in the background that almost triggers me to tears with the combination of this and the conviction.
"What is your destiny. What are you here for? what is the will of God for your life? I bet of the 200 people in this room right now, 10 have asked the Lord that question, 5 are actually actively doing something with the answer to that question..." He leans over the pulpit looking to each face in the crowd.
"Meanwhile the other 185 live life as if it is there own. Their worries are not concerning what worries God but what worries them. They live life as if it is their own, then when we meet Jesus on the judgment throne and he asks us what we did with the talents he gave us we will say that we sat on them while we prioritized things like relationships and jobs. things that are to fade." His voice is full of so much authority and conviction that i can hear the voice of God speak right through him.
Speak right to me.
"1 Corinthians 6:19-2, media help me out." He points to the booth we are sitting in and thankfully Carly rushes with the verse t get it up in a second.
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." The camera pans to an unexpected shot. I blink to make sure i'm not going crazy.
Serenity with a notepad writing down every word that pastor Davis says, She looks so engaged like she is hanging onto his every word. I almost tear up at the change that has happened to her.
Thank you Jesus
"We were both with a price. That means we belong to the Lord, and every day that we wake up without acknowledging his will for our lives is a day we reject the purchase that was completed for our salvation." His words scar me from inside out. Marking my heart.
"So brothers and sisters it is time to change our priorities, can we just give our lives to the Lord for real this time? Can we just live for him for real this time? not where we say we love him but do nothing to share the gospel. Not where we say we love him and refuse to walk in his will for our lives. Can we just die to our own selfish needs and realize that we need to be doers and not just hearers." He pleads stepping to the side of the altar with his elbow resting on it as he scans us.
Be a doer, not a hearer.
Just like that i realize that i have been living every day for myself. What do i do for God? How do i help with the Kingdom of God outside the church and the people that already know about Jesus? Do i even put any effort into bringing souls closer to the Lord?
It feels like i just got gutted with a brick. I need to do more. For Jesus!
Thankfully God gives us mercy with this heavy sermon and ends it there, pastor Davis turns to a posture of prayer and instructs us all to bow our heads to God in prayer before the service ends.
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"And the sermon today, babe you didn't tell me that church was this powerful." Serenity is in love with the environment. She has been going on and on for almost twenty minutes about the service from start to end.
It's refreshing that in this whole conversation she hasn't mentioned Zepheniah once, refreshing but also humbling since i can't seem to get my mind off of ace and where he was today.
"I know i'm not anybody but i feel like God gave me an idea to do for our university." I absentmindedly nod along while my eyes look around the church for a sighting of ace in the crowd of family members and church goers that pass by the hang out room we are in.
"Are you listening?" My eyes immediately snap back to my best friend who looks upset,
"I mean seriously eden, i feel like we have been getting more and more distant ever since men have gotten involved. I remember when we use to be friends-"
"We are friends!" I urge with a smile, as her words break my heart
"Oh sure, friends that rarely talk anymore, friends that rarely hang out anymore, friends that hide things from each other-"
"Hide things? Come on now Serenity, what did i hide from you?"
"Ace. We used to have girl talks about everything but now we barely chat. I mean i have had a lot that has happened to me too. I have been waiting for a call, a text from my best friend to catch up but you have been too busy in love that you can't even call." Her lip quivers,
"Well i'm clearly not the only one hiding things because you never told me anything about Zephaniah. I mean it's clear you are more in love with him than anyone else but have you told me how far it's gone? no." I regret my words straight after they come out.
"The meet up." She utters in a whisper with a straight face when people walk by,
"What?" I sigh,
"The meet up. You saw me burst in tears to the point where i was falling on my knees and after the event you stayed. You stayed with ace."
"Serenity, that's not fair-"
"No? Where was i? I saw Zeph break down right in front of my face and storm out and i kept myself in my seat because my best friend didn't open up yet-" Ouch.
"I wanted to know more about you, i wanted to be there for you when you decided to open up and you left me when i broke down." Her eyes get watery, as if they are there for the purpose of making me feel guiltier than i do right now.
"I'm getting closer to God for goodness sake eden! Something that i would have never done before! I tell you about a plan God has given me and you can't even pay attention to our conversation? You don't think i know you enough to know you're looking for ace?" Is it that obvious now?
"I mean seriously could you have imagined me saying that God gave me a plan a few months ago? I bet you don't even know where i go when i disappear for days. Because you don't care..." Her voice cracks,
"We came here together, being all that we had and you don't care anymore."
There's an awkward silence that invades the space in between us, chocking me to the point where it feels like i can't breath. I understand everything she is saying, we don't talk anymore it seems like ever since ace and Zephaniah came into our lives we lost each other.
"I'm sorry." I admit, her eyes look to me with expectancy.
"I am truly sorry that i have been slacking as a friend. You're right, we did only have each other and we shouldn't let something as precious as a kingdom friendship go for the sake of crushes." A sense of relaxation falls on her face.
"I'm so proud of you for how far you have come in your faith serenity. I wish i was there for the most part of it but i promise you i will be there from now on, we can grow with Christ more together especially after today's sermon." She puts her hand in mine.
"I missed you." My eyes threaten to give out at her soft words.
"And i guess i could have been there for you too, i just want us to start it now and not look back from this because i hate when i come into the dorm and see you crying and pretending you stubbed your toe.You can only act like you being infertile doesn't hurt you or not having a relationship with your mom isn't scarring. I'm tired of listening to you cry at night without being able to help because you won't open up to me about what's going on deep down." Her words destroy me... just the fact that she see's and notices it all.
"I don't want you to keep anything in anymore, i want you to tell me what you have been going through, everything. Promise me?" It's at this exact moment i understand the importance of Kingdom friendship, the power of being there for each other is stronger than anything else.
"I promise." Her huge smile transfers to me as she practically jumps on my chair and takes me in a hug. i burst out in laughter that i have my best friend back
I hear a ding from her back pocket and she rips away from me to read whatever notification just made her face drop,
"That's barbie, she said she would drop me back home." She says kissing her teeth before going back to her seat to pack up her stuff in her bag,
"Barbie? i thought i saw Zephaniah around here doesn't he drive?" I try to swallow back my words like i just said a curse, thankfully she doesn't ponder on it.
"Um... yeah i'm going to my dad's place for next night or two." I try not to act to surprised,
"I thought you usually stay with Zeph for-"
"Barbie's waiting for me..." She cuts me off, she gives me the sign. I take it before i ruin whatever reconciliation we just made today. I get to my feet and give her a hug before she walks out not before waving at a few different people until she meets with barbie at the front door.
I let a sigh of relief wave through my body feeling one burden lifted from my shoulders today.
It's been about an hour, We usually stay back at the end of each service just to do some cleaning and getting the church cleared out for the week. Most of the congregation is gone home already the only people still waiting around are the department member and the few people waiting for a ride back to their houses who sit around the waiting area of the church.
I sit behind the welcome desk trying to shut down the systems, it's nice and quiet with a hint of gospel music whispering in the background, Pastor Davis has been in his office taking meetings ever since church ended,
"Eden." My heart stops when i see Mrs Davis in front of me with Dove holding her hand looking up to me with a frown. Mrs Davis is dressed down in a black long sleeved turtle neck dress with a black and white louis vuitton scarf and a simple Gold necklace that has Davis in tiny font as a pendant. Even as beautifully tall as she stands she wear the most stunning black heels with a silver diamond pendant on the front of each.
I can't help but notice the sleeping grace who drifts asleep peacefully resting on her mom's shoulder, her head snuggled into her moms neck as she sleeps like an angel.
"Mrs Davis-" I almost stutter through my words, i have no idea what she thinks of me now the news is plastered with my face right beside ace's so she could either hold me responsible or understand I'm as innocent as her son.
I really respect Mrs Davis so i would hate myself if she thought less of me. I sit in the silence she puts in between us as she stares me down for a moment. if only i could be in her thoughts, i would never leave them.
"You got my brother in jail!" My stomach drops at the high pitched accusation of dove, Mrs davis takes no time to scold her with her eyes...
"Sorry." She shoots back,
"That's okay." I respond to the kid only feeling more guilt now than ever.
"I'm glad that you came today." She whispers, bouncing grace on her side. She offers me with a smile on her lips that takes the weight of the world off of my shoulders.
"I'm glad that you would still let me in." I joke looking down,
"Of course i would, the church doesn't belong to us it belongs to God. besides i know it wasn't you guy's fault. Ace doesn't fight unless he is provoked." Its almost unbelievable how she stands with her son no matter what the world says,
"Mom! You said we would get food!" Dove whines throwing her head back,
"Watch your mouth young lady, you don't hear grown folk talking?" Mrs Davis says yanking her arm to correct her. Mrs davis looks overwhelmed and she usually stays back until Pastor Davis is finished and ready to lock up.
"Why don't i take grace from you so you can get some food with dove ma?" I offer and i physically watch her deflate from all tension. She doesn't need to say yes before she gives me grace i gently shift her to a comfortable spot on my body and she stirs a little before settling in sleep on my shoulder.
"Thank you so much Eden. You are so blessed, i will be back in 20 minutes." She says as she rushes out the door with an impatient dove.
I bounce grace for a moment then make the huge mistake of looking down to her face. She is precious, Her dark brown skin shines against her pink flower print dress. Her eyes are shut and her little button nose makes me pout, she smells of cocoa butter and her hair is in two beaded braids.
She tightens her grip on me snuggling into my body more when i sit down on the seat at the desk where it's a bit darker so she can rest properly. My mind torments me constantly reminding me i'm never going to get this with a child of my own.
I have thrown adoption completely out of the equation especially seeing the way that ace was adopted and how much that has affected how he acts even when he is older. I wonder if ace is going to be my forever if he is does that mean he is okay with not having kids?
How would he be as a father?... Should i even care at this point? of course i do. I lo- i shut myself up shutting my eyes and being brought back to reality when i hear a voice above me.
"Hey eden, i saw the news the other day." I internally groan but since it's an older woman i show her reverence and smile through whatever she is about to say.
"I just hope you're alright. I know ace is Pastor Davis's son but the kid is going the wrong way." I hope she can't see how i grit my teeth through my lips,
"You're a good girl eden, i just don't want you to get destroyed by a guy that doesn't have his life on track. I mean don't get me wrong i don't judge the kid but i mean if you're being hurt by him don't be afraid to speak to someone about it, alright baby?" She speaks through lips that tuck under her gums.
She breaths heavily through her words licking her lips every second, her grey hair indicates her age and constantly acts as a barrier for me not to disrespect her as she disrespects ace.
"Ace is not hurting me ma, it was just a misunderstanding but thank you for your concern." I force a smile, she squints almost as if to examine my words but then something clicks for her and she drops it smiling back before she uses her cane to walk to the front exit.
Is this how my life is going to be forever if i stay with ace? Constantly having to justify his actions? Constantly having to explain how he isn't hurting me even though he hurts other people for me?
Grace snores a light snore on my shoulder, i almost forgot she was here. I wish i still did because she plants a thought in my head. What if me and ace were to be together... to start a family together, would that even be enough for him to give up this lifestyle of drinking? smoking? fighting?
I shut my eyes tight... Is this me or the enemy?
my phone dings and i pick it up in a drag,
Ace:
My eden... i'm missing you omoge.
Just like that every thought is demolished from my mind. A stupid full tooth smile falls on my lips,
Me:
Omoge? where did you learn that one, african prince?
I try to keep my laugh internal, Omoge meaning beautiful woman in Yoruba... i can't deny how much i love how he cares for my culture.
Ace:
I'm secretly from Nigeria and have been stalking you ever since you lived in Lagos. I use to live right across from you and when you moved here i followed you. I have known you all along.
I fail to not giggle at his stupidity.
Me:
That's scarily specific, should i call the cops or would that just give you ptsd?
Ace:
I miss when you were too shyly love with me to joke on me
Me:
Don't make me laugh please, it's too quiet in here.
Ace:
You're still at the church? i thought service ended like two hours ago?
Me:
Actually it ended an hour ago, you would know that if you actually came :(
The typing button bounces up and down long enough to give a girl an anxiety attack.
Ace:
Come on girl, why you gonna do me like that?
Me:
Seriously ace, where were you today?
The typing button bounces longer this time... what's going on? i know he was meant to talk to his father yesterday but he never told me what happened with the conversation. It must have went bad.
Ace:
I apologize, i should have been there but i got caught up with work. All those days i took off out of town caught up to me, i had to stay back and catch up. I should have told you.
Me:
Yes you should have. I was worried...
Ace:
I will make it up to you, omoge.
My smile returns...
Me:
Fine, i will let it go this once because I'm in the house of God so i can't hold it against you.
Ace:
Jesus is a real one for that.
I laugh again making grace stir,
Ace:
Send me a picture, i wan't to see your beautiful face.
Me:
I don't look good right now...
Ace:
Don't ever insult yourself like that. I will be waiting.
I have no idea why but i turn the camera to my face noticing the bare face as i rushed to the service today. Unfortunately my skin isn't perfect like the girls online, i skim over my discoloration and few dark freckles around my face. I have two strands free from my black head scarf and regardless of what i think i take the picture anyway.
I press send without thinking twice...
Ace:
How did i get so lucky?
My breath is back.
Ace:
Is that my sister?
Me:
Yes! She loves me more by the way.
Ace:
Impossible.
Ace:
I'm just finishing up work here, shall i come and pick you up and we can get something to eat? i need to ask you something anyway.
My heart skips at what he could want to ask me, i'm just about to respond until i see a face that makes my eye twitch pass me by.
Oliver? He says nothing but his lips form a snarl as he walks out from pastor Davis's office. His screwed eyes don't leave mine as he grunts and mumbles something under his breath shaking his head before aggressively pushing the door open until it bangs against the wall.
"Eden?" I jump in my seat at pastor davis's voice behind me, i immediately get up to greet him but he shakes his hand before i have a chance to,
"I think we need to talk. now."
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Hey everyone, how do you feel about this chapter? Let me know what you think.
Thank you all for your prayers and kind words i seriously appreciate it all.
See you in the next chapter!
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God bless :)