In the afternoon light, when Haruto spotted his crush walking with a black shirt and blue jeans, a smile naturally broke on his lips. He lifted one arm, gave a good wave directed at the somewhat wary looking man, but Junkyu smiled the same way as him the moment they met eyes. The younger made a small run to catch up to his hyung. In his light blue cardigan over a half sleeve white shirt and silver baggy jeans, he looked as stunning as ever.
"Hyung!" He excitedly greeted the other. Junkyu, he didn't even wear a single piece of jewellery; his pretty face acted as the ornamentation instead. Haruto couldn't but take in the beauty of that wonderful proportion.
"Am a bit late, sorry." Junkyu bowed. Although the younger waved it away, he couldn't help thinking about the incident happening right before he had left Jihoon's house. He told his friend about the hangout with Haruto, at which he was unnecessarily riled up, kept mentioning lame reasons why Junkyu should cancel it. Of course, the latter valued his promise and disregarded everything Jihoon said. They had a small fight, so Junkyu walked out, annoyed to no bounds. He didn't understand anything- Jihoon was so shady sometimes!
Watching a happy Haruto eased him though. So, he added, "You look good, Ruto! Nice outfit."
"Really?" Haruto grinned. His whole life, he always received compliments about his look- but getting it from Junkyu gave him butterflies. He replied, "You too, hyung! Black suits you."
"Thanks." Junkyu smiled. He then looked around, asking, "Shall we ride the bus?"
"Let's get a taxi instead." Offered Haruto, then with his hyung's approval, called one to take them to the destination. The biggest amusement park in the town. Junkyu found it a bit cliché, but in order to make up for abruptly ending his tuition, he agreed. He liked hanging out with the Japanese guy, no doubt in that.
But the way Haruto behaved- inside the taxi and after that- talking lightly, grazing their hands together, intentionally or unintentionally, staring at Junkyu's face, eyes, lips- it wasn't difficult to get the hint, however, the elder didn't want to flatter himself yet. So he kept his composure, hiding the fear with smiles and simply went with the flow. They entered the park after the younger bought the tickets- much to Junkyu's protest. According to him- the hangout was special and he wanted to spend money for this special occasion. Again, a hint. Junkyu stayed quiet, knowing he wouldn't be able to change Haruto's mind.
They had fun though. Taking pictures of each other to eating a lot. People turned heads at them- I mean, two gorgeous men hanging out together, just them, being all smiley and lovey dovey. Can't blame if anyone clicked a picture or two. Junkyu knew how it looked like. He could tell what Haruto might be thinking. Then again, Jihoon did way more with him yet gave him nothing to assure. Therefore, he kept his head low, not thinking too hard.
But then, the younger asked for a Ferris wheel ride. Another cliché, maybe a classic? Junkyu had his heart beating in an unknown fear. He wished for it to bear no meaning. He wished for it to have no intention- just that Haruto wanted to see the nightscape from above. He wished he wouldn't have to turn the younger down because he did not fancy Haruto more than an affectionate young student of his. He liked Haruto, but that's about it. He didn't do it romantically.
Yet, the moment of torture was unavoidable. As the carts rose up, one after another, and as theirs was near the top; Junkyu was looking outside with city lights glinting in his sparkling eyes, Haruto mustered all the courage he had. Junkyu imdulged him- a lot. Taught him, played games with him, explained after cutting him off, agreed to hangout, agreed to talk, agreed to be on a fucking date in an amusement park- he had to know how Haruto felt. And he had to reciprocate. So, when those pretty lips of his shined in a beautiful yellow from all the lights, he leaned in- until he could see the golden brown baby hair on his hyung's face, until he could see the creases there on his lips, until he could feel Junkyu turn around a little and until their lips met.
Haruto pressed his ones there, steady and soft, closing his eyes once and parting them a little- just a little to suck on Junkyu's lower lip once. Just once. He pulled back, smiled with hooded eyes at his hyung. Junkyu looked flustered, prettier. No, fuck it- the prettiest ever.
"R-Ruto.." he stuttered. Haruto saw his trembling eyelids, couldn't decipher that they did so from fear.
"Junkyu hyung," He called. His voice circulated inside the cart as it was going down, "I like you." He smiled, gosh! That smile. That freaking soft and adorable smile! Junkyu felt like the cruelest man on earth- cause his heart didn't beat in joy because of the kiss.
Like it did when he kissed Jihoon.
"I like you so much, hyung." Haruto cupped his face with one hand, rubbed his thumb along the cheek. Junkyu closed his eyes, heart hurting from what he was about to say.
"Talk to me." The younger asked, inching closer again. Junkyu opened his eyes, full of tears already, "Ruto.. I-" he struggled, Haruto was so patient, still smiling. Still not getting it.
"Mm, I'm listening." He comforted the older guy.
"I... I'm sorry, I.." Junkyu looked down, bit his lips hard. He felt the tension in Haruto's hand, as it stopped caressing his face. He didn't dare looking up, but a chuckle and a sigh made him.
"You don't, right?" Haruto asked, taking his hand away, keeping them both on his knees, looking away and leaving a huge sigh. "Ahh, I kinda saw it coming but... Didn't think it was gonna be this hard."
Junkyu put his right hand on top of his one, "I'm really sorry, Ruto, I-"
"It's okay." Haruto nodded, "It's fine, hyung. It's not your fault that you don't feel the same way." He looked at Junkyu. How strong he must be not to even bat his eyelids, "I still like you, and I'd wanna keep talking to you, if that's okay with you."
Junkyu closed his eyes, then gave him a nod. It made the other chuckle again, "Why do you look like you got dumped when it's me instead?" He cupped Junkyu's face again, wiped the stray tears off, "It's okay, hm? I know you care for me. I just.. wanted to take my chance, wanted to see if I'm faster than someone else but.." he left yet another sigh, "You like him, don't you?"
Junkyu sat still. He couldn't lie anymore, could he?
"Yes." He finally admitted it in words. Haruto looked away, "Cool. I mean, if he feels the same way, I'm happy for you, or maybe not. But-" he looked at his hyung again, "I'm not gonna give up until that happens, hm? Will you allow me to try if things between you two don't work out?"
This time, Junkyu chuckled a little, "Are you gonna pray that we don't end up together?"
"Nah. Although I'd hate that," he squeezed Junkyu's cheeks, "I still want you to be happy."
"Thanks, Ruto." The elder gave him a hug, a heartfelt one. He felt the pain in the younger's heart through the hug, but he also knew he wasn't at fault. Therefore, as the cart was finally down and their time at the park was used up, they walked back, took a taxi, only this time, Haruto kept his distance. They still talked, with the younger contributing little cause he was hurt. However, when they parted, he gave another hug to his hyung.
How was he so composed??
Junkyu found no answer, all he could think about was to go back and talk to Jihoon about it.
He thought Jihoon would hold onto the grudge from before, but found the latter in his room when he returned. Jihoon was lying on his bed, using his phone. His face looked grim. Junkyu sighed as he sat down on the bed, coughing to get the other's attention.
"Hey." He called, when Jihoon eyed him once. Hearing him, the latter sat up, brows knitted together in a frown. The younger male sighed, throwing his bag aside, letting the heaviness in his heart out.
"Something happened today, Jihoon ah. I feel so bad and guilty somehow? I don't know how to tell you but-"
"Bad?" Jihoon asked, "Guilty?" His voice was full of mockery, "About what?"
Junkyu realized that his friend was still mad. So he turned and took the elder's hands, "Ji, I know you asked me to cancel it, but it was important and I realized something-"
Jihoon yanked his hands off, his frown was stronger this time, "Important because of what?" He asked, getting louder, "Because you got to be with that pathetic loser who just wants a taste of you?"
"Hey, don't talk about him like that!" Junkyu defended his ex student, "Yes, he confessed to me but it's not the way you think, he's-"
Jihoon suddenly grabbed Junkyu's collar, "Why did he kiss you then, huh?? If he's the saint here, why the fuck were his lips on your- fucking-lips!" He pointed at Junkyu's lips, poked the lower one with his imdex a little harshly. Junkyu leaned backwards, confused and angry, yet, scared somehow. "K-kiss- how do you know about that?"
Jihoon let him go, then brushed his hair back, wetting his lips. "So you were just gonna hide it, huh?"
"No! I.. why would I hide it?" Junkyu sat properly again, then touched Jihoon's arm, "I was going to get to that, eventually."
"No you weren't!" Jihoon turned to him again, eyes flickering with some wild fire, "You wanted to keep us both, didn't you? Thinking that I'd never know."
"Jihoon, I rejected him." Junkyu said, "And it hurt me, so I was trying to share this with you, but look what you're doing? You're making it harder."
Jihoon laughed bitterly, "Rejected him?" His face was cocky with rage, "Who the fuck hugs the guy he's just rejected?"
"Jihoon, I don't know how you know all of it, but I'm telling the truth." Said the younger, "I told him that I like.. someone else."
"Bullshit." Jihoon said, "If you really did that, you'd have pushed him first when he kissed you."
"I was shocked and-"
"But you didn't. Cause you wanted him to fuck you too."
"Park Jihoon! Stop disrespecting people here, I'm trying to tell you something-"
Jihoon suddenly pushed him to the bed, eyes burning, head and judgement clouded with rage. He hated hearing from Jaehyuk, whom he set to follow them right after Junkyu told him he'd go out on a park with Haruto, that they were being all cutesy, holding hands, getting on the Ferris wheel and then- kissing. He hated when Jaehyuk confirmed that they kept hugging, taking the same taxi back. He hated that his Junkyu would give someone else so much of his time, effort, attention.
He could have solved the issue by saying that he was just jealous and he liked Junkyu and he wished Junkyu never talked to Haruto again. But he was stupid. Impractical. Never knew how to handle that abundant emotion in him. So, he straddled Junkyu, grabbed his clothes and spoke at his face gritting his teeth, "Remember, you're my bitch. You're living under my roof, eating with my money. No fucking Haruto gets to touch you- ever!"
Junkyu felt his eyes stinging. His ears still ringing with Jihoon's words. "Your what?" His voice trembled.
"You wanna hear it again?" Jihoon said it louder, near his ear, "You're mine to fuck with, I bought you with money. You belong to me."
Junkyu pushed him, shoved him aside then hid his face. His face was distorted with pain. He felt humiliated. He knew he was taking a lot from Jihoon, but he never expected to hear it that way. So that's what Jihoon thought of him? That's why he was doing those stuff with him?
"You bought me, Jihoon? That's what I am to you?" His voice was breaking, tears stained his beautiful face, "Did you ever respect me? Even a little??"
Jihoon didn't answer. He felt guilty.
"So all these days, everything we did- you did it cause I'm your... Bitch?" He sniffed. He felt so bad that he stood up, wiped his face in vain. He opened the locker, got the key to a table drawer, took out an envelope. He tore it open, there were all the money he saved up in those few months he stayed there. He was planning to use them to buy Jihoon something meaningful and then, with the rest, he wanted to rent a small apartment. He wanted to find that with Jihoon, wanted to invite him there, wanted to make him meals, and repay all the kindness shown to him. He just realized, Jihoon didn't deserve any of that, cause that kindness- well he was taking his share by using Junkyu's body anyway.
Junkyu gathered all those notes, then threw them at Jihoon's face. Some of them flew, but most of them ended up hitting Jihoon's left cheek, marking it red.
"Take all the money you fucking bastard!" Junkyu cursed at him, "I'm no toy you can buy with money, and I'm not yours to fuck with!" Jihoon looked at him, even more enraged, "You think it's enough?" He stood up, cornering Junkyu, "Even if you pay me with your entire being, Junkyu, you still owe me a lot. Don't you think?"
Why was it so hurtful? Why did Junkyu want to keep crying? Why couldn't his friend be kinder? And tell him that he's sorry for saying those?
With hitched breath, the younger said, "I'll pay you back, if needed, I'll do that my whole life." He pushed Jihoon again, but the latter forced him against a wall, "Do it now then." He bteathed out on the other's face, "Go on, strip for me. Show me how bold you are."
"Get the fuck off me!" Junkyu pushed him harder, "Seriously? You're not even gonna apologize?" His hurtful eyes couldn't enlighten his blind friend. "Jihoon, do you realize what you're doing? I can't live here if you think of me like this! I... I have my pride and ego, I.."
"Well then do as I say!" Jihoon said, "You wanna live here? Go dump your stupid boyfriend! I hate that you keep talking to him."
"He's not- we're not a thing, and I can't stop talking to him, I already hurt him for you, I can't-l hurt him anymore."
"Then leave." Jihoon coldly said, "Get your stuff and get the fuck out of my place. I don't like keeping someone else's property."
"Jihoon...?" Junkyu felt the last string of respect he had for his friend tear. All the good feelings, all the good memories- lost. Everything was over. He felt a huge black hole in his heart, sucking in pain, he felt heavy, burdened, ashamed, demeaned. Jihoon said that to him? The kindest man he knew- the angel who helped him without a word spoken. Jihoon told him to leave. He couldn't take the hurt.
So he turend around, rushed through the door, walked out of the house under curious gazes of all the maids and workers. He ran until he crossed the main gate, Jihoon didn't follow him. Didn't stop him. Didn't even say anything. He kept fuming in that very room, with money sprawled on the ground, and his cheek hurting but his heart- it was destroyed. He hated Junkyu. But he hated himself more. He wanted to stop the other, but his body stayed frozen. He slowly sat down on the bed, then broke down.
He hurt Junkyu. So bad. He was scared it went beyond repair.
And Junkyu, he ran and ran, until his lungs gave up. He had anemia, he couldn't hold his breath for long. So he sat down on the road, panting. He could feel strangers' eyes on him, so he grabbed his phone with trembling hands. Jihoon called him. At least three times by then. He felt a crippling hatred inside him seeing the contact number.
He cut the call. Instead, he dialled another number, still panting and crying.
The other side picked up.
"Hello?"
Junkyu hiccuped once before saying, "I need.. a place to stay the night in.. Yoshi."
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It was a long chapter, I hope I could make it intense-