"And like the moon, we
must go through phases
of emptiness to feel
full again."
**********
Despite never having been on my territory before, Jones kept my pace and never slowed. I was grateful to him for that. I hadn't known him for long, yet already he knew what I needed: a run where I left upturned dirt and leaves in my wake. Others runs were meant for sight-seeing and playing. Others for venting.
My brain turned off as the flat lands interspersed with trees and brush unfolded before me like a used book. Nothing else mattered except the dirt between my paws and the scents that blew in with the breeze. On this run, I had no time to think of anything but dodging trees and leaping over small bushes. Animals scuttled away, fearing for their lives, but there was only one life I could think of taking at the moment.
The sun had long set before I ran out of juice. Jones and I huffed and puffed our way back to the changing stations, where we showered, rinsing off all the mud and leaves we'd accumulated.
Jones turned to me. "Now I know why you ran like you did that first day on my lands; you often run to blow off steam, don't you?"
I paused at Jones's question. "You'd think I hate running considering what I chased when Leyton was Alpha. At some point, even shifting became hard, knowing what I'd have to kill at his command. But Dad brought me out of that rut quickly, taught me how to run to vent instead of dwelling on what I'd done."
He nodded. "He was a smart man. You would've lost your mind if you stopped shifting because you associated your wolf with death. You relied upon your wolf even when it hurt, which strengthened your bond. It's probably why your wolf seeps out even when you're covered in human flesh; you're one."
My eyes closed. Dad was always looking out for me, even when I didn't know it.
"Come, little mate." Jones said, pressing his lips against my temple and drawing my eyes open again. "Let's get you some food."
I blinked away tears as we settled around the table with the others. Jones set a cup of my favorite tea before me and piled plates high with food for the both of us.
Shem continued their conversation that stopped when Jones and I entered. "Either way, everything comes back to why Leyton snapped in the first place. If we figure out why Leyton snapped, we'll know why he was making his pack kill and why he was so desperate to protect his position. He was hiding something, what was it?"
Jones nudged me and I obliged him, picking up my fork to eat.
"I already told you," Malra sighed, "his family's death—."
"Yes, but the timeline doesn't make sense. If this was about his family why he would wait years to act out? Something else must've happened or triggered him to react in that way." Amar drummed his fingers on the table, next to his drink.
"But Leyton clearly ransacked his own office—any evidence he might've left is long gone."
Silence filled the room for a few minutes as Jones and I finished our meals.
Jones put his fork down. "Tara, do you know what Leyton asked your father when he questioned him? Or Malra, if you could give us some insight, it would be potentially helpful."
Tara. Jones's use of my first name meant he wasn't asking me as my mate, but as my Alpha.
Malra met my eyes.
I pushed bits of potato around my plate as I recalled the event that had taken place nine months ago.
Malra began, "Alpha Leyton had stormed in the house, his face dark and eyes mad. Hair all over the place, clothes disheveled, it was clear he was in a state and not to be messed with, but it didn't justify... Bryton made some comment about the length of time Leyton was gone and how he looked coming back—something tasteless, like 'were you visiting your other pack?' and Leyton hit him quicker than I could even blink. Bryton fell to the floor and before Leyton could hit him again Tara was there, standing over him." She turned to me, her eyes full of tears. "I still remember the way your face looked—you were so shocked. One from the surprise of Bryton being assaulted by our Alpha, he'd never hit anyone before then, and because you defended your cousin instead of allowing Leyton to do what he wanted. But you stood there, so defiant, so protective, what our Alpha should've been."
She paused for a second, her nose red, and wiped a few tears away, collecting herself. I stretched my hand across the table and she gripped it like a lifeline.
"That's when Beta Andrew had come in. He was in a tougher spot, couldn't protect us the way he wanted to because of the loyalty due by his title. I'm sure he could smell the fear in the room; it was palpable. But he controlled himself, greeted the Alpha and left with him when Leyton requested a private audience."
I picked up the story, squeezing my best friend's fingers. "The next day, my father and I went out for a morning run like we had been doing for years. Before I could shift, he questioned me about what happened the night before and I told him. And then...he asked me if Leyton had ever asked me about my mother's death. Leyton never had, I was too young to remember what happened so I'm sure he thought it'd be useless. I don't know what Leyton asked my father, but I bet it has something to do with that, though I can't imagine why.
My mother had been with our pregnant Luna Xena in the pack house. The house went up in flames quickly, killing everyone inside. Leyton searched for hours for a clue on how it started but couldn't ever find a clue as to who or what started the fire."
"Maybe Leyton found a clue about it," Shem offered, leaning forward in his sight. "Maybe he found the wolves who started the fire and killed them, and that's why he was gone that week and came back angry—he was reliving his pain."
Malra shook her head. "Or he found them but couldn't kill them—that would better explain why he came back ready to rip heads off of anyone who so much as looked at him wrong. They got away again."
"When Leyton came back, he distrusted everyone, even my father. He wouldn't tell him where he had gone or what he'd done and isolated himself from pretty much everyone," I said.
"Leyton was hiding something. Something either so big or so private that he couldn't tell his own pack," Amar weighed in.
Jones wrapped an arm around the back of my chair and stretched his legs out in front of him. "Luckily, big things are hard to cover up and private things have a way of never staying too private. It won't be hard for me to pull a few strings and put together what happened."
"Quicker than Leyton, who already has all the information?" Shem raised an eyebrow.
"Leyton has to tread slowly now that everyone's on alert. And he's working alone. There's a reason why lone wolfs have shortened life spans; we're better together."
*****
Shadows moved on the wall like a puppet show, mimicking the sway of the trees outside the window. The windows were open, like they always were. Outside, lesser predators stalked through our lands, willing to come out of hiding now that we were tucked away inside the house. Crickets and frogs sounded off their locations, hoping to scare them away.
I couldn't tell if Jones was asleep or not, his steady breathing hadn't changed. Every now and then his arm would tighten around me from where it had relaxed over time. If he thought it was weird we slept in my father's bed, he didn't say anything or make a fuss. Jones simply followed me in and wrapped me up in his arms, offering wordless comfort.
But it was our last night here, my last night in the home I grew up in, in the lands where I first shifted and hunted. I had set aside a few of dad's shirts to take with me, ones that he wore often and that I had fond memories of him in. We would leave in the morning and, eventually, his scent would be washed from this place. Stripped away by dust and sunlight, smothered by spiders and rain.
A small sigh left me.
Jones's fingers began to trail patterns across my hip.
"You're awake," I said, turning onto my back.
"Although I'm sure Leyton's long gone, I don't want to take any chances. I can sleep in the car tomorrow, make Amar drive."
My thoughts strayed to the bearded wolf. "Amar knew how to handle me when we found my dad. He seemed to know exactly what I needed, though I was shifted."
Jones propped his head up with his hand and said, "Amar's cousin was killed by some malicious wolves a while back. He was probably giving you what he wish he'd had back then. He didn't have time to process or mourn, no one does, in the middle of a fight."
I pondered this, guilt settling in my chest. If my father's death had occurred in the middle of a battlefield, there was no doubt in my mind that I would've been a goner. I was lucky to have been able to mourn the way I did, most wolves never had the opportunity. Fortune found wolves who could identify parts of their loved ones' bodies, even more so those who could bury a whole one.
My eyes shifted from the ceiling to Jones. "Have you ever been in battle?"
Jones nodded, his warm breath sinking from his nostrils. "Almost five years ago now. Amar's cousin, Martell, challenged and mated the Alpha's daughter of another pack. Apparently the Beta's son had challenged for her as well and lost, but it had been part of their parents' design to see them mated. The daughter went against their wishes and mated Martell anyway. Their Alpha sent us a formal declaration of war the next week."
I tsked. "What a terrible reason for countless to die."
"People in love do crazy things," mused Jones, digging his nose into my hair.
"When people are dying around you, how do you not...how do you keep going?"
He pulled back and his eyes met mine, chocolate in the darkness. "You might think it's difficult, impossible even. But, I assure you, it's easier than you'd think in the heat of battle. Because while your best friend may drop beside you, your father is on your other side. Your Uncle across the field. Your pack's Auntie defending your back. It's easy to turn that pain into rage and defend the ones still fighting, because it reminds you that you're fighting for them in the first place."
Pondering his words, I intertwined my hand with his free one and lay them against my heart.
"How did Martell die?"
"In the pack's stipulations of war, they mentioned if Myra, Martell's mate, would go willingly, they would call off the war. They had somehow communicated to Myra and she snuck off alone to meet them. Martell was hot on her trail though. Before I or the rest of the pack knew what had happened, five of their wolves had torn him apart. They made Myra watch. Her howl alerted us to the location and by the time we got there, she'd ripped two apart herself. She died shortly after we arrived to the scene."
"Full moon," I breathed. All of that blood and loss for nothing. "But the war continued? Even though the ones it centered around were dead?"
"War had already been declared, Tara. Two of my wolves were dead, so were two of theirs. There was no time to stop and ask questions. Blood had been spilled and we were determined to spill as much needed to end it. I myself ripped their Alpha to shreds."
I stared at him, imagining the shadows on his face as blood. From the way he challenged and fought, I could imagine how dangerous his wolf was on the battlefield.
"Their Alpha had signed a 'No Survivors' clause into the war declaration."
I scoffed. 'No Survivors' clauses were archaic forms of ensuring loyalty within packs. Wars ended when the Alpha of one pack was killed. If the clause was stipulated in the war declaration, all members of the losing pack could be legally killed even after the Alpha died. It was supposed to ensure loyalty to the reigning Alpha; if losing pack members were offered a place in the winning pack or let go, they could cause future harm for the winning pack. Wiping all the losing pack members assured the winning pack of their safety. But though wolves were loyal, most knew when their Alpha's had taken it too far. As far as I'd known, no one used 'No Survivors' clauses anymore because most wolves' loyalty went to the reigning Alpha anyway.
"All those wolves dead because a few didn't give a woman a choice."
"I didn't go through with it," Jones said softly.
I looked up at him, eyes wide.
"The ones responsible for the declaration of war were dead, I didn't think their pack should suffer because of the actions of a few unhinged wolves."
My heart pounded in my chest. How different of leaders Jones and Leyton were. "Did some of them stay? Assimilate?"
"Most left to join other packs, but a few did. In fact, one of them is courting your best friend."
I blanched. "Ty was part of the pack that killed Amar's cousin? And they're both your Betas? How in the full moon did you make that happen?"
Jones's grinned at my amazement. "You look at me like I'm superman. But I didn't do anything but offer their pack a choice, something their Alpha neglected to do. Naturally, over time, Ty and the others grew to trust us and us them. In my pack, we believe in clean slates and give them to those who ask for them. Ty has proven himself to be an outstanding and loyal Beta."
I turned into Jones, trailing my nose up against his neck. His breathing hitched. "You're a wonderful Alpha, Jones. I'm in awe to be your Luna. The full moon has blessed me immensely."
"It is I the full moon has blessed. The fact that we are one now is beyond my wildest dreams. My heart is broken for you at your loss and the pain you've endured over the last year."
"You can thank my father for how I turned out. It's all because of him I'm not a psycho," I smiled into Jones's chest.
He chuckled and kissed my head.
We were quiet for a while, listening to the compelling lull of the other's heart. "The one thing I can't understand about your father is why he would make you Beta when he knew we were bound to mate. It's almost as if he knew."
At first, I saw red. But then I saw the truth. My father hadn't made me Beta in vain. He'd made me Beta assuming I would be made Alpha. He'd come back to our pack lands knowing he wouldn't see me again. His last words to me rang loud in my ears.
Be strong like Jones—in what way? He was strong physically, of course, but I hardly doubt that's what father had in mind. Emotionally, yes, Jones had to be to continue defending his pack members when others fell around him. Mentally, he seemed logical and wise. In what way did Dad mean?
It wasn't until the first rays of sun broke over the horizon that it clicked. Leyton had been strong in most of the ways Jones was, except for what Jones had laid out for me so clearly when he spoke of assimilating the enemy pack. Jones gave wolves clean slates and a choice. Could this be the way Dad wanted me to be strong in? Forgiveness and mercy? Would Dad take back his words knowing that his death would come about because I extended mercy to Leyton? No, Jones had laid that out, too. Father knew what he was getting into when he came back home without me, had said the words to me knowing the probability of his demise. But still he'd said them anyway. Be strong like Jones? No. If Father was watching from the full moon, I'd show him I could be strong like Tara.
**********
Anyone have any ideas on Leyton's motives??