Vittorias home ^^^^
Just a reminder, Vittoria's voice sounds like Florence from Florence + the machine
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" I hate getting flashbacks from things I don't want to remember."
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Healing
December 23rd, 2018 ( 3 months later)
Vittoria's POV
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ITS BEEN JUST OVER 3 MONTHS since it happened, I have gotten into the habit of not saying his name. Everytime I do I just break down into tears, and I have had enough of crying, hell I've been doing it for basically a whole week straight.
I don't even know who I am anymore, of course I know that I'm famous blah blah blah whatever, but I was with him for so long that I got used to him being there with me. I don't know who i am without him by my side, he made me a better person through and through.
He made me more confident, he made me chase after my dreams, he was the one that helped me make my passion into a career.
I'm lost without him, I'm not sure when I'll be able to find myself, or if I will for that matter. He made me complete, and I know I will probably never love again, he was the one that was made for me.
No matter the fights we would have from time to time, or when things were tough. We had each other to get through it in the end, we always did, yet he left me in the end as well, didn't he?
I huff, fed up with just sitting around and not doing anything, so I walk up the stairs and into my music room, grabbing my lyric book on the way before sitting down at my piano.
No matter what is happening, or what I'm going through, music has always been such an emotional out-lit for me. It's my own way of communicating my feelings, it helps me cope and heal with my emotions. And the lyrical process clears my head in a way I don't think anything else would be able to.
Sighing I start playing random yet slow cords trying to piece words together- "to love someone so much, to have no control...." sighing in frustration while furrowing my eyebrows, no that just sounded wrong. I restart the chords, letting my fingers dance over the keys.
"I think i'm lost without you...." I drift off after finding the first few notes.
Sitting at the piano looking out into the garden, I slowly let my mind wander to him.. 'I just feel crushed with you, I don't know what to do.' I sigh while still looking out and watching nature.-'wait'
Flicking my eyes back down towards the paper, I start letting my feelings flow onto the paper, my pen not stopping.
After a few minutes I have most of the song done, before starting to do a run through.
"To love someone so much, to have no control
You said, 'I wanna see the word', and I said. 'Go'
But I think I'm lost without you
I just feel crushed without you
'Cause i've been strong for so long
That I never thought how much I needed you
I think I'm lost without you
Strangers rushing past, trying to get home...'
I smile slightly as I hear it slowly coming together, even with just singing for little over half an hour, it already has calmed me so much and cleared my thoughts.
Now with just the start and end of the song needed, I relax before looking back out into the garden and seeing a bluejay eating out of a feeder, before it flies off into the sky until I can't see it anymore.
Looking up into the clouds I think if heaven is actually real, if he's up there, happier. I smile sadly thinking of how I wish I could've at least said goodbye the last time I saw him, but no I just ran out in anger. But he just stood there on the platform of his front porch, and watched me go.
I ran my fingers delicately over the keys while thinking before, stopping abruptly once more, I mumbled a barely audible wait and started singing slowly.
"Standing on the platform, watching you go
It's like no pain i've ever known" I briefly look down at the lyrics I already have before continuing, getting lost in the music.
"To love someone so much, To have no control
You said,'i wanna see the world' and i said, 'go'
But i think I'm lost without you
i just feel crushed without you
'Cause i've been strong for so long
That I never thought how much I needed you
I think I'm lost without you
Strangers rushing past, trying to get home
You were the only safe haven i've ever known
Hit's me at full speed, feels like I can't breathe
And nobody knows this pain inside of me
My world is crumbling, I should never have let you go
I think i'm lost without you
I think I'm lost, lost, lost
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
I think I'm lost without you, you
I just feel crushed without you
And i've been strong for so long
That I never thought how much i love you
Standing on the platform, watching you go
You said, 'I wanna see the world' and i said.'go'
I stop singing and playing cords just leaving silence, smiling before quickly writing everything down with the rest of the song. I sigh again, but this time not because i'm angry or frustrated, but because I feel refreshed. The passion and emotion that goes into every song I make slowly heals me bit by bit.
'maybe i will be okay, maybe i can survive this'
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* cordelia speaks ! *
[#] I really hope I am doing an okay job at showing how Vittoria copes loosing someone she loves so much, obviously she has cried lots but I didn't add a huge lot of that in as I don't think it would have been very entertaining.
[#] I love you all, have fun reading 💗💗💗💗