As a field agent, I can wear whatever I want into the office. Normally, I choose a suit and tie for the office, but today, Friday, I decided to go casual for reasons. Annie agreed to have lunch with me for the first time in four weeks since we had our first date.
And second.
And fifth.
And eighth.
I'd be over at Annie's all the time if I could, but I've been forcing myself to give her space to think, to consider my behavior, to note the changes I've been making. I'm working on showing her that I could be a good partner through bringing her little gifts of food, taking her out, treating her respectfully and working on building the trust between us. I wanted Annie to be fully confident that I was a grown male capable of seeing to her needs in all ways -- physically, mentally and emotionally -- and that I wasn't expecting her to take care of me and train me to be a good partner because I was figuring it out on my own.
With a little help from nature.
She had no problem with me taking her out and picking her up at her place, but she wanted to keep work out of it, until today. I considered it progress.
Next up, like the bowerbird, I was working on a house. Of course, that bird built a nest and decorated it with bright bits and pieces and used that to attract a female, but I didn't want to buy a house without Annie's input. So tomorrow, we were going to look at houses. Annie had to know why so I'd told her I wanted to buy a house, but I wanted her honest input and help selecting one. Males in the wild might be able to get by with building a nest and then using it after the fact to attract a female, but I didn't think that worked well with humans.
"I want to buy a house that you'd want to live in, that you'd feel comfortable in," I explained to her, hoping that wouldn't scare her away.
She'd looked a little surprised but had agreed to go with. I'd asked the real estate agent to set up six showings of different styles of homes so I could see what Annie liked best and then start focusing our search on her preferences.
But that was something to look forward to tomorrow, and today was simply lunch with Annie. Walking into her area, I went directly to Annie's desk and leaned against the side of it. I waved to and smiled at Annie's boss, who was just leaving for lunch. Everybody else in her department had already bugged out.
"Hello, beautiful," I said to her. She still always blushed when I called her that, which never failed to make me smile. "Ready for lunch?"
Turning to look at me fully, her eyes widened. "Well, look at you all decked out in royal blue. I've never seen you in anything but dark, muted colors. Expanding your wardrobe color choices, Alex?"
Yes! She'd noticed my bright display and not a fucking feather in sight. But I had to draw her attention to the next part.
"They match my running shoes," I pointed out my new shoes that were a pretty close match to my shirt.
She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "Very nice," she said. "And very unexpected from Mr. Monochromatic."
I grinned and held out my hand to her. She didn't take it because we were at work, but I still wanted to offer. We walked down to my car and as we drove to the new bistro she'd said she wanted to try, I started singing along with a song I'd queued up on my play list, the classic Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi, one of my parents' favorite bands. I remembered my dad singing the song sometimes when we were on road trips, so I'd known it forever. I looked over at Annie when I got to the line that pretty much summed up the intelligent, funny, fascinating woman sitting next to me:
And the truth is, baby, you're all that I need.
"You have a great voice," she said to me when the song ended, sounding surprised. I couldn't believe in the two years we'd been together that she'd never heard me sing along to the radio, and then I realized that we'd always talked when we were in the car together. Conversation had never been the problem between us, but self-realization on my part had been.
To be honest, when Rory first told me about males in nature working hard to attract females, it seemed like a stretch to apply those same lessons to humans. But so far, nature hadn't steered me wrong. The nightingale sings a complex song to attract a female and let her know he'll be a good father, and I'd seen the surprised admiration in Annie's eyes when she complimented my singing. Although the father claim might be a bit premature in my relationship with her, I'd put it out there. I'll protect you and our children, Annie.
We enjoyed a good lunch and on the way back to the office, we made final arrangements about me picking her up for the house showings the next day.
"You're sure you want me to go?" she asked, and I could hear the hesitation in her voice. "You buying a house doesn't really have anything to do with me."
I threw her a look and took a chance. "Don't fool yourself, Annie. It has everything to do with you."
She turned and looked out the window, and I wished I could read her mind. But she hadn't argued, so that was positive. In a way, we were just starting out as a couple, but in another, we'd been together more than two years. I was trying to find a balance between the two, between holding back a bit and pushing ahead.
The next day, as we explored the houses, I watched Annie as she went room to room, her face less than impressed in some instances and happy and pleased in others.
The fourth house really seemed to make her sit up and take notice and I gave the agent a nod of approval. More of the same, and please leave us for a minute.
"This is the house you've had the best reaction to," I said.
Annie looked around. "It has five bedrooms, a gorgeous kitchen, a fireplace and beautiful, original wood floors. What's not to love?"
"Is this a house you could see yourself in?" I pushed a bit.
"Alex." She'd been going for a scolding tone, but it didn't turn out quite so stern.
"You have to know, Annie. I'm trying to find a...nest for us."
"A nest?"
I really needed to fill her in on the nature documentaries.
"You're not ready to move ahead yet like I am, Annie, and I get that after the shit I pulled thinking I wanted someone like you when it was you all along. But this is what I'm hoping you want with me eventually. To live together first if you want, but I want it all with you ultimately."
"You don't think this is sudden?" she asked.
"Hell, no. We were already together for two years. We had something built between us before I even realized we were in the construction phase. So I'll wait for you as long as you need, Annie. I'll wait until you believe I can be the man you need because I've shown you that over and over. But I can see us living our lives in a house like this. I want it filled with laughter and your special brand of joy, Annie. I want us to walk into our house after a long day at work and relax the minute we walk in the door just because we're home."
Her lips curved into a smile. "I like that you want to fill the house with laughter."
"I'll keep working on convincing you," I smiled back at her.
"Oh, yeah? How are you going to do that?"
"Well, first, I'm going to dazzle you with my moves that no self-respecting blue-footed booby female could resist."
And then I executed the mating dance of that species, arms flapping, my blue-shoed feet lifting up and down, chin lifted -- and just like that, Annie filled the house with laughter, proving nature never lets you down.