Selina
"What's the hell is all of this?" Sienna asks as she enters the living room and stops next to me, watching the three women running around amidst piles of clothes, "I have no idea," I whisper.
"Mama! Look, I'm Superman!" Rafael suddenly cries out, appearing behind the armchair with a red scarf tied around his shoulders,"and I'm Batman mom!" Andrei shouts with black panties on his head, running after Rafael, I can't help but burst into laughter as I see Alexei appear behind them, filming with his tablet.
Sienna chases after them, trying to stop them, while I suddenly feel a breath on my neck,"make that noise again, Solnychko," Nikolai whispers, making me jump. "I want to see your face light up."
I turn around and meet his ice-blue eyes directly, captivating me as they always do. You know the hidden part of an iceberg, the one submerged in water, and when it surfaces, it's a deep blue? Well, Nikolai Ivanov's eyes are that blue. Deep and mesmerizing.
It's been over a week since he helped me during my panic attack, and since then, discreet exchanges have taken place between us—glances that take my breath away, smiles that warm my heart, and touches, sometimes his hand touching mine as he passes by, or his lips brushing my cheek or neck when he leans over to grab something from the table. I don't know what we're doing or where we're going, but I've never felt so safe, protected, and almost free in such a long time.
And I had never seen Rafael so happy, he got along so well with Nikolai's sons, and they didn't exclude him from any of the activities they did, like yesterday when they went horseback riding, I didn't even know there was a stable on the estate. I've always loved horses, but seeing them in real life was incredible, frozen in front of a stall, I couldn't take my eyes off the magnificent black stallion looking at me. And of course, I learned that it belonged to Nikolai when he approached to encourage me to pet it, guiding my hand with his own. I then watched him ride with his sons on different horses, and my eyes welled up once again seeing Nikolai help my son stay on the saddle while reassuring him when he trembled with fear and I even had to hide a tear when his sons approached too to encourage him, explaining how to do it.
His children were real angels, but I could see they had some reluctance towards their father, which I didn't dare to address. When he suggested going to the stables, they refused until Rafael got excited, and I encouraged them. I think it must be related to the loss of their mother, and I know it's not my place to ask those questions.
"I don't think I can do it on command," I say, smiling slightly, trying to hold his gaze, he squints his eyes, amused, before leaning in, brushing my cheek and murmuring near my ear, "then I won't miss it next time." I inhale deeply, his voice resonating something unknown deep within me while he steps back, smiling, then takes my hand to pull me towards the chaos reigning in the living room. "Come, they're here for you and your sister," he says.
"For us?" I ask, following him, lost, as Sienna reappears carrying a laughing Andrei on her shoulder, the panties on his head having disappeared. My son reappears, still wearing his superhero "cape," and his eyes light up upon seeing Nikolai. "Niko! Look, I'm a hero!" he exclaims, raising his arms in the air, the tall man beside me, who would intimidate anyone, bends down and lifts my son onto his shoulders. "Is this better, Rafael the hero?" he asks, starting to run around the table, I smile, my eyes welling up as my son squeals with joy. I see Andrei hesitantly approaching from the corner of my eye but stopping behind me, I turn around and kneel in front of him. "What are you waiting for to join them?" I ask, grabbing his hand, with lowered eyes, he shrugs, making me purse my lips. I lift my eyes and they land on a blue shirt, which I grab and tie around his shoulders.
"Come on! It's Andrei's turn. Get down, Rafael," I say, standing up and rubbing Andrei's back as he looks at me wide-eyed. Nikolai freezes, his eyes on his son before looking at me and he sets my son down and kneels, reaching out to Andrei, who hesitates so I gently push him forward, smiling, and Nikolai lifts him onto his shoulders like he did with Rafael. "Are you holding on tight, buddy?" he asks, and Andrei nods, then Nikolai starts running, and Andrei starts laughing, making me smile. Maybe I could do something for them after all before leaving.
"Madame Ivanov?" a voice suddenly says behind me, making me jump, and I see one of the women unpacking the clothes upon my arrival. "I... I'm not..." but my words get stuck in my throat when an arm wraps around my waist. "Thank you for coming to help my wife and sister-in-law, Miss Lugovaya," says Nikolai, widening my eyes as Sienna stiffens, giving me a puzzled look.
"You're welcome, Mr. Ivanov. It's an honor to assist your family. Without Mrs. Elif, I would never have been able to open my boutiques."
She turns away, pulling a cart with several dresses of all colors, more beautiful than the others as I raise an interrogative look at the man next to me who still hasn't removed his arm. He smiles at me before bending down and whispering, "It's better to keep your identity a secret for now" I furrow my brows before grabbing his shirt to prevent him from stepping back. "So, I become your wife? Just like that? It seems like a completely forced marriage," he laughs near my ear, and my god, that voice, "believe me, Solnychko, if we were ever to get married, you wouldn't even have time to think about an answer," he says, tightening his grip around me, making me close my eyes, my hand gripping his shirt.
He steps back, his eyes shining with something I don't grasp, his jaw clenched. He finally releases me before moving towards the various clothes as I slowly release a breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding. What am I doing?
"My dear brother-in-law, may I know the purpose of all this?" Sienna asks, grabbing a dark dress that she examines with a dark look before raising the same look towards Nikolai, who returns her gaze with a smirk. "Well, my angelic sister-in-law, I thought you needed clothes tailored to your size and tastes, even if I would never question Elif's tastes, at the risk of losing an eye," he replies, turning away to fetch a long emerald dress.
I see my sister fuming, her lips pressed together, sending her darkest look at Nikolai, "I don't think we need anything. What we have is enough for the coming week," my sister says, emphasizing the word "week" but Nikolai ignores her, moving towards me with the emerald dress in his hands, "you'll have to try this one," he says, handing it to me. I look at the dress, then at him and my sister, who continues to glare at the man.
I sigh, grab the dress, thanking him, and follow one of the women behind a dressing screen. The young woman reaches out to help me remove my dress, but I recoil, my breath caught in my throat, my scars itching as if they wanted to be exposed while I try to hide them. "Leave it, I'll help her," my sister's harsh voice growls as she slips behind the screen as well, the woman nods and leaves us alone as Nikolai starts talking to Miss Lugovaya again, and the children start playing and shouting.
Sienna starts unbuttoning the top of my dress, her eyebrows furrowed, her jaw clenched, clearly angry, "Sienna..." "I don't know what game you're playing the two of you, Selina, but it needs to stop," she murmurs so softly that I can barely hear her. I grimace at her words; I don't even know what's going on with Nikolai. She helps me take off my sleeve, being careful not to touch my hand brace, I was able to get rid of my cast just yesterday after Dr. Semionov's visit, who prescribed me an ointment to apply on my almost healed fingers, even though they still ache from time to time.
"We need to leave," she continues, still weakly, unzipping the emerald dress as I raise my wide-eyed gaze to her face, "that's what we're going to do in a week, mia sorella...," "no, tonight Selina, we're leaving tonight," she cuts me off while pulling the dress over my head. "What are you talking about? We can't just leave like this without saying anything...," Sienna grabs my arms, her dark gaze piercing into mine, making me flinch.
"Wake up, Selina, damn it! We've known these people for barely two weeks, do you think we can trust them? Believe me, mia sorella, at the first opportunity, they'll sell us out, because it's in their nature. I've made this mistake several times in the last years, and it cost me way too much. It won't happen again, especially not if you and Rafael are in the picture."
I freeze as I catch a glimpse of the fear and mistrust she's trying to hide behind her tough exterior, with trembling lips, I gently stroke her cheek, "what happened to you, tresoro mio?" I whisper. She freezes in turn under my touch, her mask cracking for a few seconds, during which I see that sixteen-year-old girl, trembling and lost, but she recoils, erecting her walls again. "Be ready for tonight; I'll come pick you up," she says, zipping up the dress before leaving.
I sigh softly, clutching my trembling hands against my stomach, so, we're leaving tonight? "Selina? Is everything okay in there?" suddenly asks Nikolai's deep voice, making me jump, I inhale deeply, slowly exhaling, smoothing out the folds of the dress, its softness unlike anything I've ever touched before.
I raise my gaze and freeze as his eyes trail down my body, lingering on the slight neckline that stops just above my chest, then up my neck before finally meeting mine. I audibly swallow, moistening my lips slightly as I unconsciously squeeze my thighs together, "you look stunning, Solnychko," he says, approaching slowly, but I step back for some reason, and he freezes at my gesture.
What if my sister was right ? Two weeks isn't enough to trust anyone. And these closeness we have, these exchanged glances, the words that soothe my mind, all of it scares me, no, terrifies me. What if all of this was a way to distract and occupy me until reaching an agreement with Antonio? A sudden idea pops into my mind, leaving me breathless, if Nikolai Ivanov asked me to stay at the end of these three weeks, I would be inclined to accept. "Selina?" Nikolaï asks, his eyebrows furrowing, taking another step towards me, but I shake my head, stepping back again, "I... I'm feeling tired. I'm going to go upstairs and rest for a bit," I reply.
He stares at me for a few seconds, trying to understand what's happening, but eventually nods, stepping back several paces to let me pass. I head towards the stairs, my head bowed, and quickly make my way to the guest room where I begin to gather our things.
My sister is right, trust doesn't exist in this world, and certainly not in the mafia.